One of the most painful experiences in life is the ending of a meaningful relationship, especially where there has been a romance. People who call my radio show always tell me stories about really heart-breaking endings to their relationships. Wouldn’t it be amazing if somebody were to say, “My bf/gf treated me so well when we were breaking up, I couldn’t help but respect him/her!”
But unfortunately, the end of a dating relationship is often full of deception, dishonesty, and disrespect. But it doesn’t have to be this way. When you are breaking up with someone, for whatever reason, the best approach is to treat the other person the same way you would want to be treated.
Still, one thing is for sure. No matter how hard you try to be kind, the fact that you want to break up is going to hurt the other person. This is not something to do over the phone, via text messaging, social media, or email. Consider the time and location. Be courageous and respectful and have your conversation in person and in private.
Before you do anything, make sure you really do want to break up. If you’re just angry at your bf/gf, you may want to talk about why you’re upset, rather than just ending the relationship. Sometimes it feels easier to run from the relationship, when in reality there may be a great lesson to learn from a challenging situation.
Be prepared for the other person to ask why you’re breaking up with him/her. You might want to write down some of your thoughts beforehand. If you’re breaking up because of difficulties you’ve had with the relationship in the past, it’ll be easier if you’ve already talked through them, and given the other person an opportunity to respond.
Consider Brittini’s story: After the last relationship when I broke up with my boyfriend, the week later he was asking my friend if she would go out with him! That made me so mad that the next time I saw him I just wanted to hurt him and her.
Grace’s advice is valuable: My beau of just over 4 yrs. broke up with me last Valentine’s Day in what he later called “a defensive, reactive” moment – completely unexpected by either of us. I tried to talk him out of it for over an hour to no avail. Ladies, please DON’T do this. If he’s gonna break up with you, let him. If he’s wrong, truly loves you, and is a real man, he will come back for you. Do not chase him. It only leads to a more shattered heart.
Breaking up is hard. There’s no getting around that. Just listen to Kate, who said: I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months last week. I know 6 months isn’t that long, but I would drive 74 miles (one way) to see him, sometimes several times a week. He never came to see me. He also told me that he didn’t love me, and he never would. Instead of breaking it off and trying to heal myself like a normal person, I would do just about anything to keep the relationship going. I can’t live without him, and my heart is genuinely broken. I know God is the only one who can fill the hole in my heart.
If you use honesty, compassion, and sensitivity, you’ll both be better off in the end. Treat him or her with the same respect you’d like someone to treat your future husband/wife.
The fact that you are reading this blog shows that you care enough to do this the right way and want to be as compassionate as possible. I commend you for that. When handling any sensitive situation, it is helpful to think about approaching the conversation with these words: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. These words are called the Fruit of the Spirit in the Bible. They describe the essence of God, and that is always a good place to start.
If you’re struggling to get through a difficult breakup, you might want to read my blog about Getting Over A Broken Heart for some additional thoughts.
Aaron says:
Hey Dawson, I just wanted to stress how important it is, that if you are going to break up with someone, how detrimental it is to do it privatley, because my Ex Girlfriend broke up with me in a walmart parking lot in front of all her friends, and the guy she was cheating on me with was there and it completely wrecked me, and I can remember feeling so bad and hurt, and it would just have been so much better if she had just told me in private.
guest says:
Holy mother that’s the worst ever! No one, NO ONE deserves that. Your ex is absolutely a cruel person. My heart goes out to you. At least you know how hurtful people can be and I hope you will always be extra considerate when you initiate future breakups. <3 You are a better person.
TheHopeLine says:
Hi Aaron, I’m so sorry she chose to break up with you in public like this. No one deserves to be treated like this. Thank you for posting this for others to see and think about the implications of breaking up with someone like this in public. Hang in there! We care about you and we’re here if you ever need to talk to us.
coco says:
hello. im 18 and i just dumped my boyfriend over text. now i have a strong belief that u should never do this unless being cheated on, abused, or in an online relationship, which mine was not. this is my story. my bf has no phone so he uses his brothers. i wanted to break up with him in person so i texted his brother to pass the phone to my bf. brother told me bf got kicked out house. although i felt extremely bad and at first thought of waiting for his call, i realise i have no way of getting in contact with him now that he is out of the house and not with brother. i wanted to break up face to face or AT LEAST over phone but i did not kbow when i could get in contact with him. one of the problem in our relationship was his lack of effort to get in contact. ik he does not have a phone and when his brothers phone got shut off because of unpaid bills, i did not blame him, but soon realized that he has a computer. if he REALLY wanted to let me know why he wasnt answering my call he could have gone on facebook and told me about the problem. instead he waited 3 days and used thr phone being shut off as an excuse. if he wasnt willing to put in effort to contact me and it took him 3 days to call when he was in a comfortable situation at home with access to a computer, i thought, “then theres no way he would call in less then 3 days when he just got kicked out and is at a friends house thats kinda far. by the way, he lives LITERALLY A STREET AWAY FROM ME SO IF HE WAS IN TROUBLE HE COULD HAVE CALLED ME FROM HIS BROTHERS PHONE WHEN GETTING KICKED OUT. I felt that i could not wait for HIM to contact ME when i wanted so much to break up. so….. unfortunately…… i went against my belief and i sent my bfs brother a text saying “im sorry i couldnt do it face to face but when ur able to get in contact with him please tell ur brother that its over”.(this is the short version, it was a little longer). now i know its disrespectful to break up over text especially when someone is in trouble, but i felt that i could not sit around and wait for my bf when i want out of a relationship. i felt that i deserved better. i really really wanted to end it respectfully but unfortunately in my opinion i had a right to get out of an unhappy relationship and to not wait for DAYS in order to do so. i needed to move on. Please tell me is it still wrong of me to do this. my logical side is saying i have a right to not wait but my humane side is saying i should have waited. one of my friends told me i should dump him immediately and then aftet i did it she told ne “thats not the way to dump someone u should have waited”. this confused and hurt me cause i went through with it. please help me
Connor says:
I broke up with my girlfriend just 5 days ago. I decided to do this over the phone, because my mother suggested i do it that way because I’ve been waiting out for the best time to do it in person and just here lately shes just been sick and just really not in a good place right now. I really wanted to continue this and stick with her through the hard times that she was having, but eventually it just got to the point on Monday where i just had to do it or else i would’ve drove myself insane. These last few days have been the hardest. She called me back after i called her and raised her voice at me, so i (immaturely) raised mine back. And i haven’t heard from her since. I’ve tried sending several txts explaining myself and apologizing for how i handled it. I just want her to understand why I had to do it this way, but i’m afraid that she’s gonna continue to be upset with me and continue to just shut me off completely without even being able to talk with her in person about everything. I feel so bad for having to do this at such a hard time in her life, but the relationship had been making me more depressed and more stressed as time went by. And it just progressively got worse. I just flat out couldn’t do it anymore. I tried my best to stay with her, I really did. Anyway, I just want someone to reach out to me. Someone that’s been in a similar situation and can help me and give me some advice on what to do.
Inês Pereira says:
Hi Dawson. I am in a 3 months relationship,I know it’s a very short period of time, but we are already very close and we say that we love eachother very often. But the past month we have been fight everyday and our parents are now against our relationship. I don’t even know if I really like him anymore or if I am just scared of being alone. I just know that both of us have been feeling very unhappy and that we have been having a love/hate relationship. And although i know he really loves me and that he has done things for me that anyone else has ever done, I tried to break up with him a couple of times now, but then he cries and does everything for me to get back to him, so I do… I just don’t know what to do, i want to break up with him, but I don’t have the strengh to do it. What should I do? Please help me. By the way, we have a long distance relationship, but everytime I break up with him he finds a way to meet me.
Jason Porter says:
My girlfriend of just under 8 months and I broke up yesterday. Our relationship was extremely unorthodox, and we probably both knew it was going to fail before long.
We were in a long distance relationship, across several states. Yeah, I know what everyone is thinking. “Why?” Well, that’s a story in and of itself. Suffice to say I fell for her after knowing her for a long time and helping her through a lot of tough stuff. And she fell the same for me.
We thought we could make it work. And for… 6 months, it was great. But then she started distancing herself, claiming time with her mother, who she didn’t see much for several reasons, mostly child services.
Anyways, she started becoming distant. Very distant. She ignored me for the longest times. She’d always apologize, so I accepted it and didn’t think much more of it. Unfortunately, that was supposed to be my wake up call.
When we did break up yesterday, she told me, partially, why. In the course of 8 months, I’d changed. Not for the better. I became spiteful, controlling, mean. I can partially blame it on our discussions about an item in particular, but it encompassed the whole. I became something I abhorred without even knowing it. I didn’t see myself being spiteful. But I was. I have gone back, taken a long look at things. I’m everything I didn’t want to be with her. And we both suffered for it.
She and I both admit we had our faults. I won’t discuss her’s as that is not my place. But I already miss her terribly. There’s a nice sized hole where she was.
Which is another part of what was wrong. I did things incorrectly. I made her essentially the center of my universe, or as near to it as I could. The most important person in my life. I loved her dearly. Still do. But my problem is one thing above all else. I didn’t seek the Lord first, and everything came crashing down around me. And she got hurt too. It’s my belief that the man is supposed to be the spiritual leader. I wasn’t. Things in my past got in my way as well. I didn’t do a lot that I knew I needed to do.
So just some advice to everyone out there who might be along the same lines. Always seek God first. Always always always. Because if you don’t, your priorities are going to get turned way around, and you and your partner both will likely suffer for it.
I have a huge, gaping, laser edged, empty, “glowing cold” (if that makes any sense, but that’s how it feels) hole in my heart. That was what she filled. But that wasn’t her place. I didn’t realize it, and still am having trouble because I continue thinking about her. But that’s a God sized hole, something only He can fill. If you try to fill it with anything or anyone else, it’s going to eventually fail. Save yourself some terrible, terrible trouble. Save yourself some pain. Save yourself from poisonous words, either to your partner or from them.
There’s going to be a piece of me with her for the rest of my life. I don’t know if we’re going to be friends, even. I hope so. She was very dear to me. I’ve known her quite a while. Hopefully one day, again.
Kimberly Pioquinto says:
This was very helpful, it is very true that we should always seek God first. I have hurt my bf, in a bad way because I put him on the center of my attention, instead of God. It was my fault, but I have learned from it, hopefully one day he can truly forgive me for it.
LadyElaine says:
Your story is very similar to mine. Its only been a few months since we began dating, I generally dont let someone in I don’t let anyone get that close to me-but when I do I fall hard. He traveled to see me as much as I did him. There is no complaints there. My only complaint was that I knew down deep that he wasn’t invested in the relationship like I was and during the breakup he said as much. The reason I got clingy was because I didn’t get what I needed from him-which would have been a text every now and again-a phone call. We did text but being long distance there were long periods of silence. I think also it kept in the “honeymoon” stage where we couldn’t wait to see each other. And I ignored faults that I should’ve recognized better. I’m far from perfect-I am not saying it was all him it was mostly me.
This is still so raw and new this happened Sunday. I am hurting so bad I think I need to see a professional. I have never hurt this bad. I know it would never work out because he refuses to change any behavior and I cannot accept being second fiddle. I have never gone through this -every other relationship was stifling to me. Maybe its to teach me a lesson I dont know. But I need this pain to stop.
J says:
My Girlfriend of 17 months broke up with on Sunday too in a parking lot in my car. She made it seem like we were gonna spend time as we usually do then ripped my heart like a bandaid i felt shocked cause i didnt know what i did to deserve this i asked “was it something i did” or “is there anything we can do to fix this” it was a dead on NO. She said she stopped feeling for me. i could see she was hurting crying intensly saying please dont hate me. I told her ” you know i cant” she just rushed out the car sobbing. The week after when i picked up my things from ger place i saw and felt all the resentment and anger she had towards me. I always talked to her she always lied and said everythings great. My heart is broken i can hardly focus i havnt slept more than 10 hrs all week and eaten more than one meal. What hurts the most is she never even gave me a chance. She didnt want to fight for the relationship she was cold and hard towards me.
Nos says:
I did exactly the opposite of what you said we should do in this situation. I’m in trouble.
TheJustOne says:
Yeah, when the jerk won’t answer his phone, all you can do is text a good-bye. Not that he deserves even that much attention. Just move on and leave him to his sad, lonely life.
Fj2gether says:
Wow! Glad I came across this. I need help. My now fiance of 4 years is having financial issues. He is hoping to get married with me but not able to support to help us or for a wedding. For 4 years I put up with him not making holidays special and delays on going to see a movie because he’s got financial issues with court cases. I find myself in a cycle like with my ex husband. Tired breaking it off several times. He cries and i feel like I hurt him even more.
Honeymoon says:
I met this incredible guy online and at first I didn’t want to meet him because I didn’t think it could work out. He’s in the military and leaving soon, but he talked me into it, telling me it could work out. So I finally fell for him. It didn’t take long for him to not text me as often as he did, he started being more and more distant. I was getting angry and tried to break up with him because I just felt he didn’t like me the way he told me he did, but he would always come back and say he wants to be with me. So last time I got upset that he didn’t have time for me, he broke up with me. I contacted him and asked for him to see me because I couldn’t understand how a person goes from I’m crazy about you to I’m stressed, you are amazing and you will make someone else happy. His excuse was that he was always upsetting me because he works too much. He agreed to talk to me in 3 weeks when he comes back from a work trip. In my heart I feel he lied to me , that he doesn’t love me, but it’s so hard to let it go, specially when he keeps telling me the only problem is that I get upset with him. He just changed. I need help! I’m dying inside. He’s all I ever asked for.
Emma says:
I’m 12 years old, I’ve been dating this guy for 4 years and I love him but when I’m with him it doesn’t feel right…
TheHopeLine® says:
Sounds like it might help to talk to someone about it. Don’t ignore your feelings. We are here for you 24/7 https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
mark says:
hello
Lost says:
Of only 6 months, we have broken up more than anyone ever. He’s old many people he doesnt want me, yet chased me down. Has threatened me with cops bc i had a warrant, had me move out from where I was staying and then kicked me out, cusses me, lies on me, and many more things yet tells m I love yu.. and I keo coming back.. help.
mary estrada says:
My ex boyfriend and I just broke up last night. We were in a relationship for almost a year. It’s tough because he would mistreat me since the beginning and I would make excuses for him and he would too. Last night I finally had the guts to end it no matter how hard it hurts all I want is for him to run back to me and say this is a mistake and realize he loves me. Instead he said that he is not experienced in relationships and hopes he learns and treats his future girlfriend better. I know I’ll get through this but this is so difficult I tried so many times to fix this relationship but it has failed. Since the end of time I was beyond picky about dating people and I thought he was the one and apparently I was fooled because he is not the person he used to be… his excuse to that was that the relationship was new and now it’s not.
Kara Russanne says:
Dear Jason Porter,
Your story is very similar to mine. I had an unorthodox and long distance relationship too. It only lasted for 7 months. I knew that it would not work from the beginning, but I could not help myself. I felt that I had met the person who I would be with for the rest of my life.
The more I got closer with him, the more I moved farther from my family and God. They were very disappointed in me and I knew that I was headed for a painful and terrible end. I knew that before we got any more serious, I had to break up with him.
My mentors advised that I could not hold on to him and at the same time maintain my relationship with God; that like you, I have made him the center of my life, instead of keeping God there. I could only choose one or the either. I chose my Savior and I broke up with my boyfriend.
It was very painful and difficult to explain my reasons to him. He became very angry and hurt at me and at God because I was honest with him. He did not want to let me go right away. I treated him the way I wanted to be treated after a break up. Although it was very hard, I stayed as a friend until his habit to talking to me gradually lessened. I understood that he needed to heal.
After some time, he started dating another lady. He told me about it months after he was already in a new relationship. He said he still wanted to be friends but I decided to stay away because I too needed healing and I wanted to honor the new woman in his life. It’s not true that you move on faster if you’re the one who broke up the relationship. 🙂
It has been 7 years already since we broke up. We have not spoken to each other since. I do not regret breaking up with him though. Although, I still walk through life with a scar of that hole in my heart. Reading your post and being reminded of what happened to me, made me sad for the suffering I’ve experienced for being far away from God for a time; grateful that God gave me a second chance to develop a stronger relationship with my Savior; and thankful that God continues to heal me underneath the scars.
Jason, you talk about her with such respect and honor. Thank you for treating her that way and for writing your advise and post.
God has planned many good things for you. He will…always.
Madalyn says:
This is confusing no one very understands but this guy and I have been talking for 2 years but I don’t want to even use the term talking because I’m not sure one second he wants me the next he doesn’t and it’s never clear we used to be so one about how we felt but not much anymore and when I ask it’s not like I get straight answers but I’ve put bits and pieces together of these years and I remember specific moments like him saying I pretend as if I don’t like you because it makes you like me more and that’s what I want ot he’ll ask me if I love him and say if you love me tell me you love me but that’s it. Or when he gets drunk he’ll tell me he feels for me and such it’s like it’s hidden now that we aren’t open with it for example last night he said I wish this could work I wish I could date you and we can’t date for reasons I’d rather not say it’s not that he’s ina. Relationship or anything it’s just complicated and he’s so harsh when I try to act like any kind of girlfriend to him but he gets mad if I like another picture it’s more like we’re friends mor than anything but we really aren’t we’ve talked everyday 24/7 I just don’t understand and this is nothing I can’t talk about with anyone I jnow
Destiny Jordan says:
I juse broke up with my boyfriend today. As soon as I said I wanted to break up, he grabbed his stuff and walked out. He was my best friend before we started to date, and i feel so depressed because I don’t know if I should even call him. My close friend, who’s also his close friend said that he told her, ‘I wasted my time loving her, trying to get her to love me back, just for her to tell me she doesn’t want a relationship anymore,’ before punching a wall. Am I a bad person? I feel like I am. I’ve been thinking about it ever since it happened and I don’t know where we’ll go from here.
SweetAngel says:
You are not a bad person. You are not responsible for someone else’s reaction. He’s reacting like a child. Of course he’s hurt, but it’s not very respectful to say mean things about you if he truly loved you. That is the reaction of a person who is emotionally immature. They act like a 5 year old who had their favorite toy removed. Ultimately, is this the kind of person you want to, or even can build a future with? I say this because I have been with such men. He probably used emotional manipulation within the relationship – i.e. I can’t say this to him because he will blow up, or get mean, etc.
rogues2 says:
I’m sorry, no. Sometimes you are responsible and things you do affect other people negatively. You should apologize to him and make it clear its something you no longer want, but accept the fact that what you did probably did hurt him.
SweetAngel says:
I’ve been exactly where you were when you wrote this. It’s unfortunate, but we all fall for it, myself included. Things are so hot and heavy early on, the connection is there, the chemistry. He can’t wait to be with you and you feel the same. Then it cools off over time. And you spend much of the relationship trying to get it back. But it never ends up working. Some men are simply like this, plain and simple. They live for the thrill and when it’s no longer new, or becomes “routine” (which ironically is what is so comforting about a solid relationship) they lose interest. There is NOTHING you can do to fix the situation, or him. It’s taken me a long time to learn that. This is TYPE of man. Not all men are like this. Many are, but not all. The thing we women have to learn is to be able to enjoy that thrilling early part, but not get so caught up in it that we mistake it for love. We have to wait until the cooling off period. Because THAT is when you find out exactly what kind of man he truly is.
Yousuf Sameed says:
My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me because somewhere along the way she got bored of me. I feel like i waster all my future and life on her.
Jo Jay says:
Your story so so similar to mine! I just wanted to check up and see if the pain ever goes away…me and my ex broke up yesterday and I feel awful! I told him I thought we should end things and I really think I made the right decision but he agreed!!!!! I feel as though he was talking to someone else and didn’t like me anymore and just didn’t want to tell me bc he’s such a nice person. I miss him so much and when I told him we should stop talking he almost seemed excited?!?! I did it over a text bc I tried to do it in person but he just ignored it after I said it. Idk what to do bc I’m so sad, this feeling is awful and I really want to text him even though I know that’s a no no
Heartbroken says:
My boyfriend broke up with me via Facebook messenger on Tuesday. He kept apologizing and saying he was sorry. He even asked me not to be mad. He said that he was broken and could never Love again. He was in a terrible relationship and his ex drained him. We had a long distance relationship and he would text me every morning “good morning beautiful hope you have a good day” he made it a point to call me when he left work on his way home which took an hour. Every night he would call right before he went to bed and always ended with a good night sweet dreams. For Christmas he stressed out on what to buy me. He finally asked his only daughter for help. She even told me that I see why my dad likes you so much you’re always thinking about everyone else. For the first time he opened up to her and about us. So you can understand my confusion as to why he ended the way he did. So of course he wouldn’t talk to me over the phone or face to face. He kept saying I’m sorry and please. So I asked his daughter for advice and she told me I deserved to get answers face to face. So I went to where he lived 2 hours away his daughter was there and told me where to park and as I was walking up he pulled in and got angry and was refusing to talk to me. I made him talk to me and he wouldn’t look me in the eyes. He was saying things like I can’t believe you did this I told him he needed to tell me to my face. Needless to say he was beyond furious and then insulted me with that I was crazy and stalking him. I proceeded to say that I only wanted closure and he needed to be a man. He kept saying he was sorry and I said good bye. I believe he was more furious at the fact that his daughter helped me. She told me as I cried my eyes out that “he is a great man and that she knows he didn’t mean anything by the insults she said that her mother whom she hates has made him feel unworthy of true love” but I will leave it in gods hands and she refused to cut ties with me.
ShinShin says:
I have been broken up with my girlfriend for about a month now and I am still trying to wrap my head around everything that happened. It was a whirlwind and I feel like I am still trying to catch up from everything that happened.
We had been fighting for a little while and the week prior. Then at one point during the fight she insulted not only career and one my passions of life. I will also say recently I said/did something that hurt her, probably a week or two before. It wasn’t cheating on her or anything like that, but it was not well thought out. The fight ended we both found a way to make it possible to go to her family’s Christmas party. On the way home she said that she wished she was important to me. Now mind you I had just bought a house, luckily not in both of our names, but she helped me layout the house (furniture), pick the carpet, pick the appliances, pick all new paint, and then moved in with me. I said that to her and I was taken back as if she had forgotten everything we had done. On top of that since we had been together I paid for part of her trip to Haiti for charity, helped connect her with friends so she could get into Disney, helped her by connecting her to my dad who helped her find a new job, and then helped her pay of her student loans and save up almost 2k. I could not fathom the idea that she was not important to me. I didn’t hold these things over her head because that would be awful, but looking back on it I can’t make sense of it. It felt like it was all forgotten.
Then Christmas eve rolls around and she picks a fight with me because I didn’t have my phone on me and I went to my family’s Christmas party and didn’t respond immediately. I told her Merry Christmas, but I was going to mass with my family. Which she continued to come after me via text message. Then later apologized to me because she was cold. The following day, Christmas day she texted me twice one Merry Christmas and the other don’t ignore it is Christmas. I haven’t even seen my phone yet. I told her Merry Christmas go spend time with her family she hardly gets to see. She told me she wanted to talk to me and hear how I was doing. I told her I didn’t want to talk about this right now could we talk later. She proceeded to ask me if I was breaking up with her, which I had to call her and tell her to calm down. All on Christmas day and my family is watching this happen. I then said a very dumb thing during the phone call, I missed her some. It was an awful thing. I felt bad and knew it was bad. We didn’t talk for two days and then I told her I was burned out. I needed some space to think about everything that was going down. I didn’t hear from her all day until I got home from the movies. Five texts messages, two missed phone calls, and a Facebook message. I called her back and listed everything off that was going wrong and that I didn’t feel like we were close anymore or best friends (mind you there were other things outside of this fight). I wanted for her and I to talk when she got back from being with her family on Christmas.
Two days later I get a text message “I have been doing some thinking myself and I need to tell you, can I call or text you”. Well I proceeded to text her back “you can text me, but I cannot guarantee you I will respond”. Well about an hour later I get a break up text “I don’t know if you remember what was on my mirror in my apartment, but I would never beg for someones love again. You don’t love me anymore, but you should. You should not have cut me out the way you did when you knew I was hurting and you have said some awful things”. All I could think to myself is that I asked for some space, I couldn’t guarantee that we weren’t going to break up to her, but I didn’t say I didn’t love her. I was reeling from all of it and text her the following morning and she asked me “why did I stop loving her”, “I said I didn’t I will always love you whether we are together or apart”, “well you were going to kick me out of the house”, ” I was never going to do that. If we were going to get to this point I was going to let you stay in the house until you found a new home. I would stay with my parents until you were out”. Now mind you that is short ended part of the conversation, but I even told her she was nice and sweet and I hoped she found what she was looking for. I asked if we could meet face to face to talk, but I couldn’t handle it. We met face to face on New Years eve and I went through all the stuff, tried to create and action plan, but she told me she couldn’t get over some of the things I said “I’m not your best friend”, “We needed to talk about other things than work”. So I was left standing there thinking holy crap I got broken up with via text message and there was no coming back, I have effectively lost a group of friends because I don’t know what was said, and I just feel awful because it feels like a rug was yanked out from underneath me.
I feel like a bad person because I got told I was one more more less for not showing enough love. I am worried that I am at the point of just finding relationships that have no structure or I cannot be the emotional well that needs to satisfy a person. I am just worried and I have had people tell me it is going to be okay and I am not a bad person, but man I cannot wrap my head around this. I got told I was her best friend just two days before and remember all the good times and wham.
Pookylove says:
you seemed a bit distant to her over christmas, a time when couples in love need to be together as well as see family. she thought you werent in love with her as you only said you missed her some and didnt clarify. she tried a lot to convey her strength of feeling but youve dismissed it. Id contact her and make it up to her if you want to be close to her. thats my read on it.
Creamlover says:
You should calm down and wait things out. Time will show out the truth. I’ve been in the same position as you. He was constantly picking fights with me and I couldn’t understand. Everytime there was a fight I was left feeling guilty, beaten down and broken. He picked my self esteem apart, twisted my words or accused me of twisting his. I was the one who was bad, who didn’t understand, bla bla bla. One day I was so tired I said “ you picking these fights with me all the time are not normal. I don’t know what’s going on but with time I’m confident the truth will come up”. He was sitting with his back towards me and still I could see he was shocked. Fast forward two weeks he picks a major fight with me and blocks me. I keep on wrecking my brain at home trying to justify why, even if he wanted to break up, would he be so mad to completely ban me out of his life. We are two grownups. Not teenagers. We can breakup if it doesn’t work for you. But blocking me? I didn’t lie cheat, steal or harm him. I cared for him deeply. Then ten days later, guilt ridden, I finally muster up the courage to send him a text through another one of my numbers that we sometimes talked on when we’d go out in the weekends. It was a number I only used on those occasions. I wanted to tell him that no matter what he had decided about us I wanted him to know that I have always cared for him and that it was never my intention to harm him. Why? Because i feel it’s not right to block somebody who didn’t bother/ harm you. Anyway, then it appeared that my number for one reason or another had stopped working. I couldn’t make or receive any calls. So I decide to turn it into WhatsApp and then send him a message via WhatsApp. The moment his profile picture comes up its a picture of him and the ex staring each other lovingly in the eyes. Mind you, this ex had been hanging over us from the beginning. This was the reason actually why we had had so many discussions also. We met on a dating site while she was pregnant and he wanted me to understand his situation and not judge him because he didn’t know if the pregnancy was his because she had cheated on him. Well I send him a text calling him out for the liar and deceiver that he was ( I won’t say the words here because they’re not nice). Maybe it’s not civil but I was pissed. Anyway, he blocked me there immediately too. Since then we haven’t spoken. So, finally it turned out I had to be blocked so I wouldn’t see his profile pictures and his life with the ex. I am mad that somebody treated me so dishonest and disrespectful and tried to play with my head. Everytime I suspected he was leaning back to her and asked about it he would pick a fight with me, making me feel guilty, breaking my self esteem, only to find out now that my suspicions were right all along. He should’ve just said the truth and I would understand. Heck, I would have even send him back to her. She was pregnant! I have trouble giving things a place inside my heart because I truly cared for him, but someday I know everything will fall in its place. I know he was shocked I found him out and I’m happy I did because I got closure. Now and then I wonder whether he lied about the ex cheating on him. Things just don’t add up. I sometimes even ponder whether everything he ever told me was a lie, whether he’s a sociopath and a pathological liar. But as I said. Time will tell. In the meantime I’m living my life in full confidence that I didn’t deceive or hurt anyone on purpose so I have no reason to be unhappy. I should be happy.
Brad Harrison says:
So I’ve been with my recent girlfriend for almost 4 months now. I love her so much and she loves me too. But I’m having problems with my mind. You see, as of March last year, my girlfriend at the time and I had broken up. We were together for two whole years and loved each other so very much. I went into a terrible depression for about eight months and it was only worsened when I found that 4 weeks after we broke up she had gotten with a once friend of mine. I was devastated and even more heart broken. To this day I still have these random moments where I think about my past but I don’t do it on purpose. I’m with my new girlfriend now and I should only be thinking about her and not my past. Idk what I should do and how I can finally just let go of my past.
LarryMendte002 says:
I just got the dreaded break up text via email two days ago. We had a great relationship and in the blink of an eye after a minor disagreement, not a full blown argument, I get the text saying it’s over for me, please leave.
There is no closure this way and it’s completely heartless and disrespectful.
Attempts to contact her by phone and message are unsuccessful as I believe she has blocked me.
The very same day she unfriended me and changed her status to single.
Why are people so cruel?
I am left holding the emotional baggage and I am trying to follow the no contact rule but it is difficult.
Could it be that our love was not as strong as I thought?
Was she just looking for an easy way out?
I will never know!
Thanks!
Bamidele Elizabeth says:
That’s too.bad
Councellor says:
They are not cruel. They are cowards and dread the final talk.
Yemi says:
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday because I knew he still had feelings for his ex. He said he. Needed to close that chapter but he wanted to be with me and I said he needed to figure it out first.. and if we were meant to be then we would be.. is it bad that I told him I don’t know if this it but we do need time.. it hurts so much cause he lived an hour away but we both had our own place so we stayed at each other’s house all the time. I got so used to sleeping with him. I know it’s hard but I also know that it better for us. In a way I felt like I had to put my foot down other than that i felt like he was going to keep on hurting me.. idk what to do.. idk if it was the wrong thing to break up because I want him back if he does too.. I’m so confused wether it’s bad to text him or call him.. I don’t know what to do.
Ella says:
Ive been with my bf for more than 3 years now, but my love for him completely faded away when THIS happened:
About 1 year ago, we were both wanting to have a baby together, he was completely into it. I got pregnant. But since I come from a conservative country (he’s German BTW) I couldn’t keep the baby unless I’m married. I was two and half months pregnant when he just started doing things that show his non intentions to marry me. So I decided to go through an abortion, and that, my friends, not only broke my heart into pieces, but made all the love I have for him go away with the baby.
I stayed with him though to try and restore the feelings but that just wouldn’t work. Then I started seeing his manipulative controlling (passive aggressive) personality and started to develop hate for him. That was also when I met another man, who’s a sweetheart caring and respectful man.
I want to break up with my German bf and stay with the other caring guy, but I’m scared TBH, because the German guy has an evil side and if he reaches out to the other guy (which I assume he will since he hates to lose) he will also end what I want the most.
Any advice here helps, thank you all and God bless you.
Anonymous says:
Call mine something I dont understand. We’ve had this breakup makeup cycle for years now. I’m so exhausted, I want it to work because I love him. And I know he does too. His actions say a lot. But everytime we have an arguement its bad. We part ways for months. I thought this time it would be different but its led us to the same spot. Him angry and shouting at me to find my mr right and suggesting we part ways even though he just indirectly told me he cared. He doesn’t understand that to me he is right. If he frustrates me and I share my problems with my cousin, and my cousin directly decides to face him about it, how is it my fault. I didnt know he would do that. I need help, im so confused.
Bilal says:
Hi , me and my gf were in a relationship for 14 months and it was one of the best relationship i ever had , we both love , cared, and compromised at every single thing. We wanted to marry and she was the one insisting a lot as she was divorced with a 4 year old kid. I asked her give me some time to make my family ready. She got agreed with me but at one point she started behaving weirdly and putting restrictions on me , wht can we do and wht not onwards. Long story short she wanted to walk away bcz someday was ready to marry her but she never told me about that and kept it a secret. During the beeak up period she tried her best to insult me at every thing and talk so rudely,I couldn’t believe that a person can change to this extent. My question is did dhe really loved me all that year or she just had a fake feelings, because the way she treated me manifested she was just waiting for the right time to ran and she never loved. I M shocked a person claims loving u can go that far to put u down.
Bamidele Elizabeth says:
She loved you, but u just have to understand that life is sometimes unfair to us
J says:
No she didn’t. Because someone would not treat the one person they truly loved with disrespect. She would have waited until you were ready.
lilams says:
my boyfriend left me I love him am deeply in love with him am stress heart break
Nicole says:
pRAy…get out of the house..open up your blinds let some sunshine thru ur window..watch a real funny movie or t.v. show…hang out with some positive friends that can give u some good advise Only if they have been thru your dame issue.
.but good friends won’t let you go down
Ananthi Mathur says:
Thanks for this tips for breaking up.
Braelyn youngs says:
Oh thank goodness i found this site! My boyfriend broke up with me last week and then he asked out my bestfriend and she said yes! Guys and girls if your EX does this know that they werent the right ones they dont love you. And if your bestfriend does that to you, you know that they aren’t real friends
Melody rose says:
My boyfriend left me 4 days ago and he found a new girlfriend already we’ve been together since may 6 ive been crying since the break up
Kaitlan says:
I completely understand. I would have been with my ex for three years in January. And he broke up with me, and got back with his ex a few days later. I always had a feeling he’d go back to her, and he told me many times he’d never go back to her and even talked shit about her. Now they’re moved in together. He proposed to me and everything, and I feel like it was all a lie. That I was always second to her
Councellor says:
It’s typical. Typical of men to find someone to lick up his wounds after being heartbroken. They rarely stick to the ‘ecoperiod’ of just being single, mostly jumping from one bed to another or producing an ex out of their pocket.
All I can say is, there’s a 80% chance that they are going to break up again with their ex girlfriends as a relationship with them is just a way to heal their wounds. And even if they do get married, they will end up in divorce. 🙂 So forget these guys, they don’t know what or who they want anyways… I usually pity the girl that they eventually marry.
Jabu Mhlanga says:
Thanks to the advice about how to break up. I have been in a relationship for 7 years with a man who claims truly loves me. He respects me, but I do not really feel happy being with him because he treats me as his second best. He never put my interest first. Have tried to break up with him but he would not allow it. Don’t know what to do?
Jeanie says:
Must I have a face to face to break up? It would be so much easier for me to just drop out of sight.
Jess says:
I have broken up w/this man so many times, this last time we were apart for 5 months. I was making huge strides, i got a new job, was going to the gym, losing weight and starting to feel better about myself than I had in years. I jumped from being married to a narcissist to meeting this guy two weeks after our seperation amd have been in this tomultious, unhealthy roller coaster ride of a relationship on and off for 5 years. The man is terrible, and after 5 months of hard work I broke down and called him. Now here I am 5 months later regretting my decision. This man has somewhat changed, he stopped calling me an idiot. Now he has switched to a selfish dumb bitch. This is the thing, i am head over heals in love with and infatuated with this abusive man and despite how horrible he treats me I cannot stand to be away from him. I need to break it off but I just can’t. I NEED help. We don’t live together so it should be as easy as a goodbye letter, cry for a week, eat some bon bons (chocolate), and pick myself up and move forward but everytime I do that I beg him back so its like WHY? I just want to be done. He called me a fat retarded whore a couple of weeks ago, and it has been getting steadily worse, he yells at me constantly when we are together, tells me I do nothing right, and my self-esteem is gone again. I just cant play this game any longer, but I feel like I’ve already lost and now I am just a prisoner. I don’t think that being respectful and trying to let him down easy is the way to go on this one but I have honestly never tried it. What do you think? Do I just cut off communication? It has never worked for me in the past! I dont know💔
Fran says:
Hi Jess , I hope you’re good.
No, I don’t think you should have any respect for this man. You are worthy, and a partner should be making you feel that every day. Anyone who does the opposite does not deserve, in my opinion, any consideration. It doesn’t mean you have to be resentful, but abusers are extremely persuasive and can get you back easily. You are not stupid for falling into his trap, remember that please.
I was in an abusive relationship with a man who was cheating on his wife with me without me knowing, then got her pregnant. He was psychologically abusive and a pathological lier. I broke up with him on the phone and now, 8 years later, I regret nothing – and I haven’t seen him ever since.
Please take care and ask for help. What you’re going through is really hard and needs radical action. You deserve way more than that, and without him your life will be beautiful.
Wishing you the best!
Fran
Lynne says:
Thanks for the tips
Anna says:
On this new years Vacation me and my boyfriend of 6.5 years got in a fight it was mostly his fault and he wont admit it so i make it like my fault. We were with his family. I was upset and i yelled at him instead and was upset the whole trip ans went home sad. Ok so then a week later he wanted to see me again so i saw him again and stayed with him for few days over and everything seemed nomal and we talked it out and i said im sorry and stuff. Everything was calm and lovely and kissy. Few days later he snapped out of the blue on text after a cool picture i send him then saying hey im done with you, im moving on and you should too. That was it and I was lost for words because we were talking about our next trip together. So i asked him what did i do wrong even tho everything was just fine and he wanted to see me and talked things out nicely and spend time time together. He told me i should see someone for help like im messed up? And few more text after that back and fourth. He was being cold in the convo. Theres no blocking on anything online text etc. I mean i love him so much and did everything for him. I give him everything and do everything he wants. I still have his stuff and he has mine. I am still pretty upset we been together for over 6 years. This is our 2nd big fight as he broke up with me 2 years ago over non sense stuff for almost 2 months. He still called me babe while breaking up and i dont understand. We loved eachother so much that we talked about having baby and marriage ring. We were pretty excited about our relationship and he said i changed his life when i met him. We still dont live together. Any thoughts on this? I would do anything to get him back.
hurtn says:
I thought this is what I wanted, I believe it is whats best but with all the in betweens I do love him and it hurts. I wanted to end things many times but didnt still tried and now he says we are going on a break or break up we’ll soon know. I was at a point I was needing emotional support from what was happening in my life and his comes first always. I know he talks about me to others bc I accidently heard him on the phone he thought hed hung up telling a loan officer lady at our bank how im not a good girlfriend bc I dont file his papers he wont let me touch or god forbid look at and I clean for a job but wont clean his house. I clean my house he is an adult why bc I clean I should clean his house?? He owns property I rent from him paid in full each month but he lets others get literally thousands behind and I had to sign my car into his name when I borrowed money from him when mine broke down… he just lent money to family no worries and let tenants make payments on money owed but me his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years is treated like im cheating him out of his money. I needed food in my home bc im also going to school and i asked him for 20$ for groceries and he refused out right no. He has several accts he does not worry about food money a home anything. I dont know why Id want to even be with him the way he treats me .. Ive never done him wrong his last gf did and thats all i hear you probably are behind my back that I dont deserve to hear I love you bc I dont say that to people I dont trust. It is miserable to go that long knowing someone cares that much for you but punishes you bc of jealousy and past experiences. Im in no way perfect i am my own worse enime at times but I did whatever he wanted and he didnt do things for me refused to tell me i looked nice becuz hed say i all ready knew i did what you need to hear it now i was going to get around to it but now you ruined it so there you go. Funny thing is all i wanted from him was his love and attention. To be the one in the room he couldnt take his eyes off of the one he let others know was his all that stupid little stuff .. See we knew each other a long time finally dated and he changed he stopped treating me like he did to get me . then everything about me was wrong tho nothing at all had changed . This last month has been a series of events finding out about the amount of money he let the tenant get away with and still agreed to stay n make payments with my dismay .. finding naked pictures on his phone he “forgot to delete” from last girl when trying to print some others out, messing around online and claiming it was bc he thought it was me and wanted to see how far itd go. Wow does that feel better jus saying that. I see this is right to end I just care deeply for him and have only had his time .. I am alone inside and being alone too doesnt feel good it makes me ill. I dont know why i was treated that way bc i never did anything he jus was jealous.. I dont understand.
Alyssa says:
I met this guy through my aunt last January and he ended up going to the beach with us (i didn’t know him at the time). He was 20 and i was 16 at the time. We were so shy around each other and then he started coming around my house to visit my aunt and i knew it was because he wanted to see me. We started talking in late February and we hit it off so good. I had just gotten out of an on and off relationship with my best friend, and he started dating my BEST friend about 2 weeks after we called it quits so i was hurt and desperate to find a rebound. He became my shelter and comfort. I started sneaking him in every night and skipping school just spend the day with him. He didn’t even have a car or a job and he was bad on coccaine and alcohol. (He never asked if i wanted any, he was very secretive with the things he did.) Anyway, skip to April 29, when my grandpa passed away. I was devastated and blamed myself although cancer took him, may he rest in peace. He promised me he’d always be there for me, maybe it was pressure because i found out as he was sitting next to me over the phone. He told me he understood my pain and that he would never hurt me. About two weeks later, he ditched me at my grandpa’s memorial. He refused to go with me and just hid in my room. I cried to him coming back home and left early so i could go back to his moms friends house and stay because i was extremely depressed way more than usual. He left after i told him i was only 2 minutes away. He left me on purpose which hurt. He ended up moving in with me about 2 weeks after that, and spent all our time together. I helped him get back and forth to work off my card calling uber’s constantly or handing money to his mother to take him. I forced him to save his money to buy a car, i helped him get off coccaine by holding his keys back (sounds psycho but it helped). He never paid one bill, never told me i looked pretty, never told me he loved me. That’s when we started fighting from my frustration because he was lazy and ignorant and never wanted to help people out, ALWAYS on his phone. Then he would hit me or push me onto the floor or into the wall when he was upset with me or his mother (the devil himself). He was extremely abusive and selfish but i knew he was coming from a hurt place and i wanted to be his safe haven because everyone had given up on him. He was very suicidal and insecure and I was the only one there for him. He told me many times, but he’d take it back when we fought. Always saying “I thought you loved me” “Do you really think anyone could ever love you?” “No wonder your family hates you.” “You’re ugly as f***, maybe that’s why you can’t get anyone to be with you.” He’d use my insecurities that i cried to him numberous times against me in fights, mocking me when i cried. Throwing remotes, and phones, and countless other things. Swiping all of my candles and items on my desk into the floor. He hurt me so many times, and i became immune to it. I began to hate myself for letting him do it. I lost all my friends because i was so blinded by wanting him to change and would always just want to spend time with him. I found a full photo album of nudes in his phone, saw him talking to his ex girlfriend, and found photos of him with his ex step sister in his phone from only a night ago. I did nothing about it other than yelling at him and then letting him back in my bed at night. He wasn’t even my boyfriend. I feel so pathetic and useless, how could i let someone belittle me and abuse me in every single way possible. Now he’s gone since late November 2018, he called me all throughout from there to january asking for nudes or to listen to his problems which i did like an idiot because old habits are hard to break. He owes me 400 dollars, and we are going to court next month. I still miss him and a part of me will always love him after all the bad memories and good memories and everything in between. It’s so difficult moving on, he literally left everything he owned in my room and even got his mother to harass me. If you read this all, i’m sorry. It feels so good to just type it all out. I am trying so hard to get over him but i keep thinking i deserve the sadness and regret. Time heals though. I will get through it and never look back. I will forgive him though, but first i just need to forgive myself.
Kendall says:
Hey babe, I hope you get to read this. You have a beautiful heart and soul but many times we try to get from people what we need to give yourself. You can’t fix a broken person much less make them love you. The worse that can happen is that they would break you as well. Pls, pick yourself up, read and develop the greatest love- self love. Sometimes we don’t Even realize that we don’t love ourselves enough. You need to recognize that you don’t and feed your spirit and soul with love by walking away from anything that breaks you down and make you feel worthless. You are beautiful and loved. God bless.
Johanna says:
Sorry sis am also on the same situation as you bt be strong u will be healed1 day
Lady says:
A guy I’ve been dated for 3 months decided to break up with me. He said he does not have love feelings for me. He said its been 3 months already and he is still not inlove so if it doesnt happen in 3 months it will not happen in the months to come. I am trully broken. We have not said i love to each other on the months that we dated but I do felt that he cared for me and i cared for him a lot too. I have been broken hearted so many times that is why i am not very quick to say the “L” word. For me true love takes time to develop and it all starts with genuine care and respect. My ex was admittedly cold. He is not affectionate. He does not cummunicate with me very often. Sometimes days would come by and he would not text me. There is no 3rd party involve as he already introduced me to all his friends and workmate. I am so sad right now. I dont wanna stop seeing him and i really feel so strongly about him. Its only been 3 days. I cannot eat or sleep properly and im very distracted at work. Please help me i feel so hopeless right now…..
Councellor says:
Hey Lady,
He’s just not that much into you. It happens. Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do about it, except for letting him go. Girls can fall in love later on when they see how a man cares for them, but for guys, it’s a one-way street. He’s either in love/likes you with you right here and right now, from the moment you chatted to each other, or he’s never going to love you.
Either that, or he might have intimacy and commitment issues. Better avoid men with those issues, especially if he’s neurotic.
To cheer yourself up, read He’s Just Not That Into You by Steve Harvey and Men Who Can’t Love by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. Very good reading and it will make you a lot more confident in your intrapersonal relationships. Helped me a great deal when I was getting over a man who proposed to me during our first 2 months and then decided to take his words back 4 months later. Kicked his butt and kicked him out, he then married a girl he never loved out for spite and just to get back at me and kept on calling me drunk for 2 years after that, that’s how much a neurotic he was. 🙂
When it comes to your health, do take care of yourself. You may experience heartache, depression, anxiety (was my constant issue), insomnia… Fill your time with work, gym and use it to become even a better version of yourself. Your pain will subside within a month or two, don’t think this acute phase will last forever. You will be very well in a year or so from now. Time is the greatest healer. Even very extraordinary people meet someone special. Just don’t give up on life and you will meet someone who will appreciate you for who you are. Good luck!
Anonymous says:
I have been dating this guy for four months and he has been telling me he wants to take things slow but i felt he is not serious about us then i decided to end things with him yesterday, but now i really regret this i just wish i could have given us a bit of time to see where we going. Please advice on how can i get him back
Pujitha says:
Hi Guys,
my story is little bit different. I need your help to get out of it since, I am in a bad phase now.
I was in a relationship with my ex boy friend for 6 years . We were real buddies . I was happy with him and he showed me the right path for my career and prosperity , i truly loved him and we had a good future. But suddenly we did not have that spark in our life , since both of us were busy in work. Suddenly in my life, i met a guy who was in love with me , I told him i was already in a relationship, but after few days, i started to fall for him , due to which i broke up with my ex and we were good friends after that , he was always there for me as a friend . Now lately , I realised my mistake and i want to be with my ex boy friend, I feel sorry for everything and i truly regret for my mistake. I am not sure how to break up with my current bf (in 4 months relationship) since He truly loves me and want to be with me forever, i know i cant get my ex back, but atleast i want to live with his memories forever and atleast show him I am not the girl who hurted him , I have changed a lot and i really love him now, i do not know what to do , i can live my current bf by having feelings for my ex. Please help me . I know i was a idiot . But i feel bad to hurt two boy’s feelings now. I have already spoiled my ex bf’s life, i am very afraid I would do the same for my current BF , Please help me
Allison C. says:
I can’t cope with the pain of my break up. Can’t eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Can’t sleep without sleeping pills or wine. And to make things worse I think I’m getting addicted to them. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?
thehopeline says:
Allison, We are so sorry you’re going through this. We have help coach is available I would love to listen and help you through this challenging time. To chat with the hope Coach just click on the get help button below or go to https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
Renee says:
Dear Allison, you are feeling alone scared and unloved. If you initiated the break-up, there may be feelings of guilt or doubts that it was wise. Everyone knows this is normal but most people going through a break-up will avoid the internal, very personal message and lesson that is begging for your attention. My advice (I am 58 and my own “break-up”is recently losing my beautiful husband of 37 years to a motorcycle crash) is to write him a letter in a notebook ( not on your phone) every day like a diary. One page a day for as long as it takes to cleanse your heart. In the letter express all your sorrows, regrets, anger, disappointments, wishes and hopes along with memories you will treasure and the positive gifts you learned from one another. When you have completed the page for the day, at the bottom, write, “I give my troubles to the Holy Spirit to show me what I am missing”. Then say in your heart “Thank you”. Then turn the page for the next day. In a very short time – like two weeks- the valuable lessons and gifts you have given and gained from sharing your life with this man will become very clear to you. Many times for women it is the lesson to improve yourself by doing and deliberately striving to be the ideal person you want to become and be remembered for by others. There are always beautiful gifts on the other side of good-bye. God bless you honey.
p.s. Try a natural supplement called Melatonin for deep healing sleep. More is not better start at 1.5 mg 1 hour before bed .
In Love and Afraid says:
I don’t know what to do. My ex girlfriend (we’re lesbians) and I had been together for 6months it would’ve been 7 on Valentine’s Day. The last time we saw each other we were planning a vacation at her request and talking about doing promise rings for Valentine’s Day and an engagement over our summer trip. She has anxiety and cuts off everyone, even her family, when she doesn’t feel in control. She doesn’t like people to see her struggling and feels ashamed to reach out. I felt her becoming distant and when I asked she said she was fine and reassured me by calling and making plans with me. A week later she stopped communicating with me and deactivated her social media. One week went by without a message from her, so I sent her a text telling her I love her, I want to be here for her, that we can work on whatever is wrong together, and that she isn’t alone as I have issues with anxiety and depression too. She responded apologizing for making me feel so hurt and sad and said I didn’t deserve the things she put me through. She kept saying I was beautiful and that we were perfect but she kept saying I deserved better and how sorry she was. She told me she had no energy and she broke up with me. We stopped talking for a week but then started again with just friendly conversations. She got all upset once when I gave a short, late response because I was having a bad day. She said “I thought we were chill and we chatted what’s wrong?” When I apologized she said she was sorry for being “hypersensitive.” It’s odd because she broke up with me, why would she care how or when I respond? Then a few weeks later she texted me on Valentine’s Day which hurt me deeply. I ignored it for a bit and then just decided to respond to a previous message she sent me. A few days later I apologize for not wishing her a happy holiday and then that night I blocked her for no reason. I’m ashamed of what I did I regretted it because I want her in my life. I’ve since added her back, but I didn’t say anything, I was too scared. She hasn’t added me back and we haven’t spoken in two weeks. I feel awful and confused. She truly is the love of my life, I would marry her in a second but I’m afraid I’ll never get her back. She needs to work on her coping mechanisms with anxiety and depression, she isn’t perfect, but I want her anyway and o have my own things to fix. I don’t know what to do.
Jeanette says:
My name is Jeanette. Several months ago I became involved with a married man, Carlton. We both decided to divorce our spouses and be together. We fell in love in a beautiful place the setting was perfect. I have discovered that I do not want to leave my husband, Bill. Bill and i have been married for so many years that he is comfortable to me. Besides, Bill would never cheat on me or hurt me in any manner. I miss Bill. Bill is not in good health and I want to spend our remaining time together. I do not want to hurt Carlton. I appreciate all the time and attention Carlton has shown me but I do not love Carlton. Carlton and I got caught up in this affair. Please help me to know how to tell Carlton I want out of our relationship. I don’t want to talk with Carlton about the problem I am wanting to end our affair. I am close to my sister, Judy and cannot bring myself to tell even her. Judy and Carlton are best friends. I want Carlton to realize how much he misses his wife and return to her. I know he still loves her. I want a clean break. I want for the breakup to be Carlton’s idea so I may put on a heartbroken act and beg for him to stay with me. But I do not want to stay with Carlton. Help me. Neither of us could ever trust each other since we are both cheaters. Bill wants me back, unconditionally. I know Bill loves me and I want to be with him. I am sorry Carlton and I hurt people.It was not right for us to hurt others.I will never trust Carlton. I want him to go away. What can I do? Please tell me how to let this be Carlton’s idea, so he saves face. I WANT OUT. I absolutely believe Carlton wishes to return to his wife. And I WANT TO GO BACK TO BILL. Help me. I want Carlton to go away. I do not see how his wife lived him so much and had difficulty letting him go. He is nasty. I want him gone and the sooner the better. He needs to gi back to his wife and leave me alone. Yes, I am a coward. I want Carlton to dump me. I’ll cry and put on an act and return happily to Bill.