I want to blog on a subject almost every one of us at one time or another will have to face, and that is how to deal with a broken heart. On my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live, the number one topic people want to talk about is how to get over a heartbreak with their boyfriend/girlfriend or how to win back their bf/gf.
If you haven’t had a broken heart yet, you will someday. Maybe you will be able to go through the dating relationships until you find the right one without getting hurt. But in the end, someday someone might break your heart. Maybe one of your children or someone else in your family. If you have the capacity to love, and I’m sure you do, then you also have the capacity to be hurt. Specifically, let’s talk about a broken heart caused by a bf/gf. So, what causes a broken heart?
But the question remains, what can you do to fix or mend a broken heart? While it’s hard to define what a broken heart is, everyone knows what it feels like when they have one. This blog series could end up being one of the most meaningful series you have ever read. I hope so because I don’t want you to suffer any more pain than you absolutely have to.
If you follow the advice, I will be giving you, I’m convinced you will heal much quicker. Let me prepare you for this series. I’m going to list for you the Top 15 things you can do to help heal a broken heart and next week explain what each one means.
1. Take heart, you will get through this.
2. Talk to someone who cares.
3. Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
4. Immediately take your broken heart to God.
5. Give yourself time to heal.
6. Learn lessons from the experience.
7. Be careful…don’t date destructive people to begin with.
8. Don’t overreact and embarrass yourself.
9. Don’t overanalyze.
10. Don’t go into rebound dating.
11. Let go of mementos.
12. Keep yourself busy by giving to others.
13. Take Care of yourself physically.
14. It’s mostly about you, not your ex.
15. Move on
I’m going to break this list down into manageable sections so we can dive deeper into each of these 15 points.
I want to look at the healing process, moving forward, & things to avoid for a broken heart.
delancy says:
Well my bf left and lied and cheated on me and i still love him and i dont know wat to do and hes commong back to school so im confused can u help dawson
TheHopeLine Team says:
Delancy, Sorry for our delay in responding. We are so sorry that your relationship ended like this. You deserved more. W would love to listen and help you through this at TheHopeLine. Call 800.394.4673 or click on “Get Help” to chat. If you want download our free app to your phone to chat, listen to the show, get an email mentor and get encouraged here is the link to download it. http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp
SPITFIRE says:
I WAS DATING A GIRL IN AMERICA .. NEVER LOVED ANY1 LIKE I LOVED HER B4 …… JUST OVER 2 MONTHS AGO HER MUM FORCED HER TO LEAVE ME AND THEN SHE HIT ME WITH THE NEWS THAT SHE HAS STAGE 3 LUNG CANCER ….. I HAVE TRIED TO MOVE ON WITH A GIRL I MET ON A DATING SITE BUT AFTER SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO B IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH ME I FOUND OUT SHE IS DATING SOME OTHER GUY HONESTLY ALL I WANT TO DO IS B WITH MY EX AGAIN ….. I AM HAVING NO LUCK AND IM OUT OF HOPE .. SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE MY ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS HELL IM LIVING RIGHT NOW
Terry Rhuebottom says:
This is most likely going to make me look crazy. But 18 years ago I had my heart destroyed by a girl. I knew the exact moment and what I was doing when I fell in love with her. Over years I’ve tried to hate her. Pretend she doesn’t exist and anything I could do to get by. Is some way shape or form she kept popping into my life. I’d bump into her at the store. Friends would share something on Facebook or some other slew of things that I had no real control over. I’ve tried moving on and have been married once and dated a few women since. Never having that feeling. In a lot of ways the feelings I have for her still are most likely the reason for the failed relationships. Last night I had a dream about having any normal day but the whole things was me married to her. It was so realistic that I swear I could feel her body against mine as we curled in bed to sleep. When I woke up, well lets just say I felt a huge wave of disappointment come over me.
I’ve actually talked to her about this a while back. Because she said her and her husband wanted to catch up with me. I told her I really couldn’t. I don’t hold any animosity toward him even though he is who she chose instead of me. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will most likely never get over her and decided not to pursue any further relationships. But because of that dream I feel the need to talk to someone and I really cannot talk to people in my personal circle.
Syn says:
Your not alone my friend. It’s 4:30 AM as I write this and can’t sleep. No offense at all, but what you wrote has made me a feel a bit better as I know that I’m not alone. Basically long story short, I’ve been talking/seeing a girl I’ve known since high school that lives in North Carolina. We always had something for each other and never got the chance to date as I was the “bad boy” back then and she was the “good girl.” When she was 18 she got married and moved down south to NC and we lost contact for a few years. I ended up having a few kids and was in that relationship for 9 years when I began talking to my high school “flame.” Over the last 2 years it was great when we spent the time together and I thought about her day after day and something inside of me knew she was the one for me. The bond between us was incredible and we were amazing together. Over the last 6 months it’s been tough and we have not seen each other which lead to her wanting to end what was between us. She is married (long story but he’s not the man she wanted to marry) and is now more afraid to mess up her life with her children and her career. She wanted to remain friends and still hope in the future that we would have a future together and I can’t just sit around and wait to see if she changes her mind. I told her I can not be her friend as it would just remind me everyday about the times we spent and remind me of her. So here I am having sleepless nights and the dreams man… are spot on what your going through. The hardest part of this all is I’m deeply in love with this girl and she is as well. Everything reminds me of her daily and it’s rough man. So if you ever need to talk to anyone I’m around brother. I’m here dealing with the same pain your feeling my friend. Keep that head up as I’m trying to do the same.
kat 247 says:
Im hurting so bad I feel like I’m carrying all you guys hurt for you Lord help me
Amy says:
You are most certainly not alone. I had an amazing relationship with an amazing guy who out of the blue decided to end the relationship. My heart physically hurt. I spent every night for months crying myself to sleep. I tried so hard not to contact him, but at times I couldn’t stop myself and it only made things worse when I called or texted. I would feel the pain start all over again. It came down to the fact that he didn’t communicate well and had let things bottle up and just ended the relationship rather than talk about his feelings. I think about him every single day. I try not to dwell on the situation but inevitably I end up somehow being reminded of him. I love him with all my heart and I don’t think it would be fair to any man to get into a relationship when I know that my heart will always be with someone else. So often I wish I had someone close to me that I could just talk to, not be romantically involved, but someone I feel comfortable talking to and someone who understands what it’s like. I find that almost all men I meet don’t want to be friends, they want more. It’s very frustrating and I feel so alone sometimes. I wish you all the best in the world and I hope you find happiness.
Cesar Romero says:
I just ended a relationship with my Fiancé after three years together. It’s been a few weeks and today is Valentines day. I heard yesterday that she went on a date with someone else and it absolutely crushed me. We fought everyday and there were so many things that were wrong with our relationship. It was a bad relationship. I stayed so long because she begged and cried and i just couldn’t stand to see her like that. She swore she loved me and she couldn’t live without me. She said she would never find anyone else or ever move on. I’m not stupid I knew eventually she’d move on. But I didn’t think it’d be so soon. I think that’s what’s killing me. The fact that she made me believe that I was the only one for her is also a big reason why I stayed. I felt like I’m never going to find anyone that loves me as much as her. What changed? Was it all a lie? I’m angry because I feel like an idiot for believing her and wasting my time. I know i made the right choice by ending it but I feel miserable. I feel like I have no one to talk to about this that can understand what I’m going through. The only person I want to talk to is her and tell her what I’m going through. I can’t do that because I’m scared of her response. I ended it so I feel like I’m supposed to be happy, but I’m not.
forgiveandrogen says:
I’m here just trying to get over it but it’s been a month and I’m crying like it was the day she told me that she didn’t want to date anymore. I was in another country and I liked her and I confessed and she said she liked me too. Huge spill of emotions and affection and honestly I didn’t see why it ended up this way, so fast forward a few days later, I’m still in the other country and she tells me that she realized she never really liked me and that it was just hormones. (Really bad medical hormone problem here like dude) and of course I’m crying and humiliating myself in public but I tell her it’s okay. She still wants to be friends so I don’t talk to her for a few days. I back in my home country and I decided that wether I like her or not that she is everything and if she’s by my side then that’s enough, so I tell her this and we’re friends, at least I think we were. She wouldn’t talk to me unless I contacted her so I didn’t talk to her for a whole entire week to see if she’d contact me and I ask her what’s up, and we have this big talk ANS then she tells me that she feels guilty and I trigger her into an existential crisis with just the mere mention of my name and that she feels obligated to be my friend by other people, then, she decides to be strangers.
It’s like I lost her all over again. But I agree, and I let her go not realizing that this is worse than before,
I’m best friends with her best friend, so my bff, let’s call her Jay, told me that i have to do things for myself and doesn’t believe I made the right decision. So I text my ex in hopes of talking and she wants me to stop talking to her and calling her, both of which she didn’t really answer back, but I’ve done everything for her and this is for me. I need her back.
Of course I realize that what I did was horrible but it was called for. Later that day I realize that my ex isn’t even giving a second thought about me and I’m here crying over her for the past month. So, I decide that it’s my turn to actually agree to the stranger thing. I call her, knowing it will go to voicemail and I tell her my actual goodbyes as a person, which I didn’t do before and then she CALLS ME BACK! I answer, afraid and she tells SME that I’m making things worse and that I need to stop calling her and that she’s only answering because of Jay, I got so angry and flustered, here is this person I would do anything for, telling me that she didn’t really care and never really cared in the first place. Then I said “Look, I want you gone as much as you want me gone.”
She paused and then said “thats good”
I was quiet and she asked “Are you good now?”
I wanted to die and I felt the heart behind my face “as long as you are.” I replied
It was a small silence before she said “I am.” Sweet and everything I ever wanted.
Then I hung up the phone.
And I’ve be crying since that moment, I can’t stop, where do I go from here? She’s the first person I’ve ever truly loved, and she’s gone,
Arif Romel says:
Hi
Sonya says:
Reading everyone’s stories makes me feel better and worse at the same time. I’m just waiting for the pain to pass. Technology only prolongs the agony. in the past, if your relationship ended you’d go your separate ways and except for random meetings here and there, you’d be out of each other’s lives. Yes, you would still need to excersise restraint, but not to the degree that you need to today. It’s a Herculean feat to stop yourself from emailing, texting, checking FB….all the things that only bring crushing pain and disappointment every time you give in to your flesh and reach out in weakness. I don’t know what happened in my case. It’s so bizarre and silly, won’t even bother laying it out. Long story short, my 30 year dream and fantasy has come to a nightmarish end. And the worst part is that this guy won’t even “end” it. He just keeps ignoring my attempts at conversation and communication (via email), but insists on sending me silly questions and demanding stories about my past life. instead of stopping he continues on even though he knows he’s hurting me. He turned out to be a huge let down….but it still hurts nonetheless. I’m just waiting for the pain to pass. It’s been almost six months now. And oh yeah, this is the second time in this lifetime that this person has broken my heart. Can anyone tell me how long this wifi go on?
probey says:
Right there with you Sonya, going through the same thing, just trusting God and trying to embrace the pain. I will keep you in my prayers….we’ll make it!
Sherry says:
He packed his bags and walked out tonight. 19 years of marriage. I’m not sure why. He said he’s not interested enough to try. I did not see this coming! I do not feel hurt. Just crippling fear. God please give me the strength to get through the night. Please Lord just one minute at a time. I Thank you in advance for all the blessings that you will give. Wow! I actually do feel a little better already!
Doug says:
Hi Sherry, you are not alone, I’m going through the same thing. The girl who told me “your the best thing that ever happened to me ” for 9 years gave me the speech with no chance to talk about it. Only 3 weeks into this I’m still working my way through the stages of fear, grief and loss. I take something to help me sleep but, but waking up in the morning is a shock
knowing this is not a dream but really happening. I have been doing a lot of reading online for inspiration and understanding and found this site. I hope time will allow us to heal and make good choices.
Rogelyn Lim Villamin says:
I am broken but i am proud to say im done for crying acceptance is the best medicine letting go is the hardest way but that the only way for you to heal
Vera says:
I really can’t over this my boyfriend broke up with me because a frnd visited me and I did not tell him about it I don’t know the If there is more attached to this I can’t slip,eat or live a proper life have loved only this guy for years I kept calling but he is not even talking my calls again,blocked me on social media I can’t reach him again.
probey says:
I have been divorced since 2011, we reconciled late 2012 and I allowed her to move back in (big mistake), in hindsight, I should have taken steps with a counselor to set boundaries and prepare for the reconciliation process. Four months ago we split up again and now she has a new boyfriend, I ran into them while collecting the offering at church, and again at the gym. Oh my gosh, I was crushed. After being together for nearly 30 years seeing her with another man rocked my world. It’s been a few weeks, I am getting counseling at my church to deal with this, working on myself both spiritually and physically. Recently her sister passed away, she asked me to watch her dog and drive her to the airport, I did not hesitate, she asks me to wash some dirty dishes she had in her sink, I did it. When I got her dog, he needed to be groomed so I spend the money and had him cleaned up for her. When she got back I drove the dog back to her, plus during these two weeks I worked like heck to get these extra pounds off of me (hoping she would want me back), well, we had a brief conversation, and the she politely told me that I had to leave because her boyfriend was coming over….wow, I was stunned! I got mad, traded a few angry emails with her, blocked her phone, and then I said I was done with her. I spoke to my pastor, he straightened me out, I apologized to her, unblocked her phone (we do have a son together). She said she accepted my apology, I just told her that I could not be friends with her right now, I am changing gyms in June, I even thought about changing churches but I can’t do that, I love my church. This has been very hard for me, I think I am doing the right thing, I do want to jump into dating but I know it’s too early. I am going to remove myself off the dating sites and focus on my career and this weight loss. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone… I have learned a lot, thanks for reading and God bless you! Your prayers are appreciated….
Paul
kat 247 says:
Wishing you luck I’m hurting and he is sleep rite next to me im stuck
Maria says:
Hi,I am so heartbroken and sad.My partner left me after 6 years together,I am crushed and so sad.I can’t cope with all of this.He left saying that he needed his freedom back,but it was after a discussion about his family.He was so in love with me I don’t understand how can dump me like an old rag.He was loving and supportive and I was loving and supportive towards him.Yesterday he brought back my clothes,and he hugged and kissed me,telling me that he cares for me deeply.I know he still loves me but I don’t understand why did he leave me like that.I wish I could just die….I can’t take no more of this pain,my heart hurts,I can’t sleep or eat,I can’t function properly.I feel so stupid at the way I feel.I am a 48 year old woman and acting like a teenager.He is 54 and I miss him.
I wish someone would erase him from my memory and heart.
Sorry for ranting.
Freshiah Kinga says:
I feel your pain dear and I hope you gain your strength soon. God will walk you though all that and you will make it…
tiffany says:
me and husbands going through adoption process and my heart is broken because I cant see my baby cause she in north carloina right now I want to know how to move on with my life
tiffany says:
me and my husband is going through a adoption process and I need to know how to move on my heart is broken
Janine Masters says:
I’ve been through the adoption process, we couldn’t manage the children. We got very little support. It’s a long story.
The children got removed.
Try and not make having a family the biggest thing in life.
DJ says:
My husband abuses me emotional he calls me everything. I’m a b****. I can not take it anymore what should i do
G Eden says:
Find an apartment….let him think for awhile.
Gwen says:
Having a broken heart isn’t always about a relationship with a man or woman. It can be the death of a loved one, a child that has been taken away or the loss of a pet. My heart is broken because of so many losses and something so hurtful I’ve done to to someone that I can’t forgive myself for. I’ll never be able to let all that go, I’ve been trying for 35 years. I have a perpetual broken heart and I will die with it.
Amara says:
Dear you have to forgive yourself and yield totally to God. He alone can heal your pain. You can be victorious.. I don’t know you buh I’m praying that God restores all you’ve lost.
JB says:
So about 12 years ago I gave her all the love I have, After 6 months she decided to go back to her ex who abused her all the time. I finally met someone 4 months ago. I fell hard in love with her. I gave her everything I had. It took 12 years to do that. She broke up with me yesterday because she says she does not deserve to be loved. How do I stop finding damaged women. Please help.
Tea says:
Look I really get what are you talking about I started dating my male bestfriend and I can’t get iver those memories when he told me he loved me I felt like I was special for the frist time in my life and after a 8months of dating we just started to distance. And I cant help my self cuz I always think of hip and how im never gonna kiss him or hage him or laugh with him or do stupid shit that we uset to do and now I don’t know if I should move on or I sould hope its not over because I still beleve he loves me but idk now
Jack says:
My wife left me because she says she don’t love me and went with someone else. Taking our two boys with her. I didn’t see it coming and I still love her so much.. I feel so alone and broken hearted. Lost all hope!
wade says:
My woman, the love of my life, recently left me. I am here because I am devastated. Your story of your wife leaving you and taking the kids made me stop in my tracks. I feel the heartache with you, man.
Naneth Orquiola says:
I dated my Friend’s X . He said he likes me and said so many flowery words to me. He even said He loves me and don’t leave him for good. So I give him a chance. And when my friend find out, she got mad but says She hope that we will end up together. But the friendship ruin already. But I still chose him over my friend. And now… been dating him for 4 months.. We’ve been together in good times and hard times… and short comings . I can feel that he likes me too, because he was so caring to me and sweet. But time flies so fast.. there are days that he wont text me and ignore me. Then one day, I ask him “I love you. Do you love me?”
He said “NO”
I was so broken.. I DON’t know what to do. I know I can move on from him, but I don’t know how to start. We have so much memories together. And those memories I really treasure it. And can’t easily move on from it. This is my firstime Loving someone.. and it really hurts me so much. I lose my appetite and I feel like my body don’t work anymore. I am so heartbroken right now..
😭😭😭😭
Josh says:
Hey someone did the same too me.
Benny says:
I’m going through the same thing , it was so intense , and I felt so secure and let down all my defenses and fell in love ! I fell like my body is exploding inside , I can’t sleep nor eat , He wants to be friends , he really likes me he says , but he doesn’t love me and he can’t explain why ! At least he’s being nice as he can but I let him know it hurts , but I can’t make him love me !
JA says:
thank you the hope line i was going through a lot but after reading that am not alone my heart is now fine.
thehopeline says:
You’re welcome! We’re glad this article helped. If you ever need to talk we have HopeCoaches available to chat online at https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
Bello Oluwaseyi says:
Thanks to dolly……she recommended this link to me. Its so crazy how somebody you love come up with a story like ‘am not interested anymore’. I do not wish to open up on my relationship, for its so so weird to start with. This link as actually helped me to get some buzz. Thanks
Jessa mae says:
I try to follow those,and I hope someday my heart could be heal,it’s really hurts me too much😭😭😭 I don’t know where to start again😭😭😭 I’m so down right now.
Chris says:
I feel the same way. I try to have faith that God loves me and I will find someone else. Someone who has family values. I hurt also for my children noing they miss there mom. I try to pray every night an include her in. It’s Sims to help the kids. Sorry God bless you
Amanda says:
Me too it hurts so bad
Fred says:
What to do when children are involved?..
Amy says:
I was with my ex for about three years. He and I meet at work. We worked in separate depts. Things started out ok, at least that’s what I convinced myself. He showed signs of destruction pretty early. One time we got into it at his place because I found out that he had been communicating and hanging out with another female co worker of ours. I simply made the statement that I was leaving and he literally threw me into the wall leaving a hole in it, tossed my car keys into his back yard, and then threatened to kill me with a knife. Like a fool, I convinced myself that he was jealous and that he loved me. I continued dating him, months later it was brought to my attention that he had been kissing a female in one of the privacy phone booths at work. He had no limit! A year later, he caused me to lose my job with the company by lying to the HR manager about a fight that happened between the two of us off of company premises. After causing me to lose my job, He began to show more and more of the ***hole that he was. He even had his mother being disrespectful! He wouldn’t give me any money or help with anything. He would power his phone off while out eating at restaurants and partying with his relatives. Although I was unemployed, My friends paid my cell phone bill, made sure that my kids and I ate, got us out of the house when needed to keep us sane and kept a little change in my pockets. 6 months later I began working for a bigger, better, and more reliable company, with better pay as well. Before the year ended, I was pregnant. He told me that he did not want the baby and that he did not want to be connected to me for the next 18 years. At first he told me that the baby wasn’t his, then later requested that I have an abortion. I wanted my kid wether he and I lasted or not. I was determined to have my child. He began to intentionally do all sorts of things that he knew would anger or crush me, or my spirit. To make a long story short, He began seeing another female during my pregnancy. He moved out of our home while leaving the responsibility of the past due bills and responsibilities for me to deal with along with a high risk pregnancy on my own. Shortly after I gave birth to our child, He tried partnering with Children & Family Services to take my child for the purposes of him getting custody. Despite of all that happened, I still tried to allow him to be in his child’s life until I began to pick up on his pattern. He only wanted our child when it was convenient for him. He felt that he could pick and choose the days he wanted to be a father. I was up all night with a newborn while he slept peacefully with his girlfriend at night as if our child was only my responsibility. The last straw was the day he hit me when returning my child to me. I knew then that it was time to part ways. Not because I was afraid of him but because I was afraid of MYSELF in fear of what I may do to him if we were to ever cross paths again. I intentionally stay away and avoid him at all costs.
My question to you guys is….. How do I get past this? My child deserves her dad
Justin Miller says:
Your child deserves “A” dad. The man that is biologically related to your child does not deserve his daughter. Do your best to raise your daughter on your own and give her the best life imaginable. Try and mold her life and future to be better than your own. Don’t depend on anyone else for that. Your desire now should be to be completely selfless and better your life for her. Him not being in the picture seems like a step in the right direction, of what you say is true.
Barbara says:
Get counseling as fast as possible with a good thearpist you need help “yourself” and you need help dealing with your situation! That is the BEST advice anyone will give you on here it all starts with you…
Gabby says:
I honestly don’t know how to put this, but I was in a relationship for 2 years. He happened to have been my first love and I fell so hard for him. Things between us starting spiraling down pretty early in the relationship and I tried convincing myself it was me. I kept trying to find ways to better the relationship, but he never seemed too interested in me, so I tried harder. We had good days, but mostly bad. The thing is, I thought I was crazy over him, because no matter what he did to me I ALWAYS took him or went back to him. A huge part of me feels like I can’t / won’t get over him. I fear being alone, because his presence was always there even if it wasn’t good. I feel hopeless and so small. Also, I feel like I can’t leave him alone, because my heart won’t let me. I can’t stop thinking about him, stalking his every move, and crying my eyes out wondering why I wasn’t good enough.
Ken says:
Try your wife dying 8 years ago , raising your 9 year old girl who is even more heartbroken, by yourself, and then 2 years later meeting someone just as special, dating her for 6 years but without living with her so no help in parenting, and then she dumps you. I know, I should have found someone more reliable but love for me anyway is always too blind. Trust me, it does not get any worse than this. Life is so empty and meaningless after all this I can’t begin to describe it. So all this advice is just happy talk.
Anonymous says:
I was only with my girlfriend for 6 months, but she was the light In my life, she made me feel so many things, I loved her, knowing that, we were both girls. And I fell hard for her, there was a couple fights throughout the first 5 months, but nothing to harsh, the 6th month was heartbreaking, we fought continuously, she started getting really distant and hanging out with her Ex. And I was left with my heart aching and being depressed. It was like this for a couple days and then finally I couldn’t take it anymore, I told her that we needed to break up, I loved her so much and couldn’t breath, all over her insta story was about her ex and it left me feeling hurt. I use to be the one on there, now. I may sound like a Jealous person, or like I was over reacting. But she also lied to me, it was big and I’m not going to get into it but after breaking up with her my sister Mindy told me to block her on everything bc I couldn’t quit crying and then I did. I didn’t leave my room for 3 days, I layed there crying and not wanting to go on, I deleted all my social media and overall was just a mess. Finally I got up and left my room. As much as I love her and as much as it hurts I know it’s for the best. In the long run, it was toxic. But no matter how many times she hurt me and how many times I cried I always forgave her, until I knew I couldn’t do that anymore. I wonder if she’s hurting as much as I am. Or if I did the right thing