When you are in a dating relationship all kinds of questions come up, especially at the beginning. I get asked a lot of questions about this and so today I have some new relationship advice to offer.
The start of a dating relationship can be a wild time as you are both just trying to figure out all the details. Things like:
Let’s Start off with Amy who asks the first question, “I’ve been seeing a guy for about a month now. Neither of us has told anyone about the relationship I sort of want to, but he does not.”
Anytime There Is Secrecy Involved in a Relationship, There’s a Cause for Worry.
Some people like to keep a relationship private when they’re not sure where it’s going. Still, others want to keep a relationship secret because they are also involved with another person, or not completely over their previous relationship. I’m not sure what the exact situation is with your boyfriend, but he may be using you, or he may even be worried about being embarrassed.
Either way, his secrecy should give you concern. Someone who truly cares about you should be proud to tell other people about you.
Relationships should be about joy, happiness, and love…not secrecy. If I, were you, I would tell him how much you’re enjoying your relationship with him, but how difficult it is to not be able to talk about it with those who are closest to you. Ask him if you could tell your best friend about the relationship and see how he reacts.
On the other hand, maybe it’s okay to not to push your secret boyfriend to immediately “define” your relationship. Some people feel they have to tell the world when they are dating someone. This can be frightening to guys who are often afraid of calling something a relationship before they are really sure what it is.
Time and communication are going to be your two best friends in this situation. In the end, if he really cares about you, he’ll want the world to know.
Tasha brings us the next new relationship question:
What You’re Dealing With Is a Lot of Fantasy and not a lot of Reality.
What you’re experiencing happens to a lot of people. It’s called infatuation. Infatuation is the emotional feeling of romantic love. It feels like love. It acts like love. But it does not pass an important test: the test of time.
There is nothing wrong with being infatuated, most relationships start there. But you just can’t build a lasting relationship with looks alone. You are probably feeling a great deal of attraction, even though you don’t know much about him. I would be very cautious if I were you because you’re dealing with a lot of emotion and fantasy, and not a lot of reality.
You’re most likely living off of the thoughts about “how great it would be to have this person love me and care for me” and the emotional high when he begins to show signs, he really cares for you.
Over Time, You’ll Find a Whole lot More of Who He Really Is, Not What You Dream He Is.
While it’s difficult to do, you need to slow down your emotions. It’s a very confusing time, and you might be tempted to say or do things you will later regret. Get to know him as a friend and let him get to know you.
In this situation, time is one of your best friends, because over time, you’ll find a whole lot more of who he really is, not what you dream he is. You will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get more involved with him at that point. In this case, let your head tell you how to act, as opposed to your emotions.
I hear from a lot of people who are struggling with a broken heart. Some of my most read blogs are about getting over a broken heart. Not every broken heart is avoidable, but the two questions I was asked above to point to ways to protect yourself. Don’t jump in too fast and beware of secrets.
Relationship decisions are a big deal. That’s why I am asked so many questions about them. So I would always encourage you to pray to God about any relationship you are entering, especially if you have some concerns. Ask God if this is what he really desires for you.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5
God wants the best for you. So, ask him to help you make the best decisions with your relationships.
mandy says:
hi, my boyfriend and I just recently split. My version: he has an ex fiancé, and a close female friend. 1. He has lied to me about the female friend stating they only get together with the kids altogether. Then a picture on FB goes up of the two of them out at casino drinking and no kids. 2. he will not tell this friend that we are involved. He state s that it will change their friendship, that it is difficult to be friends with a female already and he has put 8 years into this friendship and does not want it changed due to telling her we are involved. Now the ex, they met up for dinner, it was a closure discussion I think. 1. when I asked if he mentioned any form even a small remark of being involved with someone he said no, that I am his private life. I don’t agree. 3. Now they are friends of FB. Help I don’t think this is about me not trusting him (that what he says) but to me its about why am I a secret. If he was on the up and up and open that he is involved I would care,,,,but its all so secreative. what do you think? btw we have been involved for over a year.
TheHopeLine Team says:
Mandy, You deserve to be treated with respect in a relationship and he is not doing that. Thanks for reaching out and telling your story. We would love to listen and help you through this at TheHopeLine. Please call or chat with a HopeCoach that cares anytime 24/7 at 800.394.4673. If you want download our free app to your phone to chat, call, email and get encouraged here is the link to download it. http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp
ericka carter says:
Mandy,
my name is ericka. i think that he is being very secretive and he may be cheating on you with his ex. try to confront him about it and see what he says. if he says he isnt then there s always lie detector tests try that and see what happens
Maya says:
I’ve been seeing someone who doesn’t want anyone to know on his social media sites because he is in music and wants his private life to stay private from fans. On one hand I get it because he’s protective of his family but on the other hand it bothers me because what if he just wants to appear single? I don’t feel he’s sleazy but I just wish he wasn’t so uptight about how I appear on his page. I notice others will try and flirt with him who are overseas and he says it’s nothing because if it were something, he’d make it private like how we are. So it bothers me that I’m not allowed to be flirtsy and natural but these other random people are. I can’t stand how social media has broken down these boundaries where people don’t respect and just let it all hang out and I see so many situations break down cause of it. Mind you, this also allows us to see things we wouldn’t have been able to before so it can be quite revealing. What is your opinion?
Curious/Confused says:
I am in the same exact situation… It almost sounds too familiar. I am with a guy who is also in Music and who is also trying to protect his family from knowing about the relationship. I am facebook friends with him but he’s set everything on private so I can not comment on anything for view anything. It’s the strangest behavior, but when we are together, it’s like nothing else matters in the whole world. It is a very confusing situation to be in. I live in Seattle, we see each other once a week. Somethings I think this situation makes it very easy for him to see multiple girls but I don’t know why I can’t let go of the relationship.
Clara Brooks says:
I been dating someone for a few months now. And I feel like our relationship is a secret not to many people know about us. My friends know about us and his brother an a few of his friends do as well. He has a child from a previous relationship who is very jealous of him dating anyone else unless it’s her. So she holds their child I against him. I recently told him I was going to post a picture on his Facebook page. He told me no because he didn’t want any baby mama drama. I feel like his BM knows nothing about me even though he says he told her about us. What is ya intake on all of this? I just feel like I’m being led on an lied to
Leslie Border says:
This is what I am going thru
AlexM says:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months. Before we started living together he was living with his baby momma of 19 years in which he has 5 children with her. He says he loves me but I don’t want to get hurt. Baby momma recently found out his living with me but she isnt sure so she’s constantly calling him to find out. The thing here is I believe he isn’t being telling her the truth. Can he still want to be with his baby momma?
darcell sockwell says:
Be very careful because my 23 yo daughter just got pregnant with her boyfriend of 2/5 months and the BM does not know about it. My daughter is infatuated with him and is confusing it with love and they are going to have this baby.
ladyluck says:
What did you end up doing? I’m in the same situation.
Beck Grove says:
Me too help
Judith says:
I was on same situation and it seems there was still love with ex. So i left him and started dating someone else. I want my man for me and mot shared with ex
or kids. Best thing to do is that as soon as you see this in the beginning leave them. Us women know when sonething is wrong. First tell your heart not to fall in love, be smart and leave before you start falling in love. It might be worse later on.
JADE BASSON says:
I can relate to your issue I really can. I met a guy five years ago, he then immigrated to Canada and I went to visit him, even during that time he posted nothing on his facebook wall about me been there but put his status as single……….. when I asked him about this he told me he never got to change it as yet, well that was five years ago. I had to return back to my place of birth and have seen him since then, in all that time, this guy has not mentioned me to anyone but an aunt that lives there and his kids know about us, otherwise no one else. He is planning to come back to his place of birth and he asked me to contact an old friend of his to tell him, I did so and the wife of this old man answered, she was shocked to hear who I was, telling me that this guy had been asking her daughter to come over to Canda on several ocassions but she had declined, I told her he disappears at times and then reappears, and still refers to me as HELLO MY ANGEL………… I knew it but no person ever wants to acknowledge it, his a smooth talker and now his got nothing left, he drinks, he lost his job in Canada, he sounds mentally unstable to me, his been in and out of rehab for years, he told me he started to drink heavily when he went to Canada, the old woman I spoke to said his been drinking for years and I told her now its even worse, I have done all I can and never stopped been supportive towards this man and loyal as he constantly asked me to wait for him, telling me he will change and his doing his best that was five years ago……… it hurts as I knew he was hiding me, he asked me yesterday if he can come and stay with me once his back in SA,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I never replied, I told him rather you running from your problems and from yourself and in the process you leaving your children behind, what about them, they must be hurting in as much as they say they not affected. His building up a little nest of woman, I noted it on his facebook, suddenly his getting more and more friends from the area he once lived in that been Middleburg and also a place called Boxburg, his got no job here, the rate of unemployment here is really high, I can see what his going to do, his going to drift from one person to the next, if it works out for him he will hang around a while and if it does not he will move onto the next person, well as sad as it is, this woman writing this is not going to be one of those options, I am going to remove myself unless he does before that from the equation…….. its hurtful when you realise that you were not as important to someone as what you thought you were………. he used to call me his future wife…………. sure he told many woman that now and here I am thinking I am special to him…………. but the old lady just confirmed what I already knew but I was surprised that in all this time I had never once been mentioned even, so what did he view me as when I have been over to canada, an import for fun perhaps, here I am doing my best to be a good person and decent and thats how one gets treated, no man who loves a woman will try and hide her away from others ever, I am sorry this has happened to you truly but in your soul you already now the answer, as said by the Old lady I know you stood there waiting for this guy and for a long long time but you deserve far better and she is a very old family friend of his and I guess his daughter is an old f of his as well and now his also trying to get back with her, its like he has this whole little supply of us and here I am thinking I am the only one…….. not so. I have told him but not statng this old woman mentioned it, just that I know that I was not the only person who got invited to come to Canada a few times, the others just did not take the bait as yet, I did and I told him I know that besides a small few no other person even knows I exist in five years and that you involved with me, sad people in this world…………..
Starrpod says:
I am so sorry that this guy has been using you and has compromised your relationship. I know you know this already, but let him go and move on! I am not saying it is going to be easy, but you have already given him 5 years that you are never getting back! That is enough! Quit abusing and mistreating yourself! He doesn’t care about you! You already know this! He likes the way that he is and obviously does not plan on changing for you or anyone else! He knows that there will always be a woman out there that is so desperate to be loved that she will take whatever she can get, knowing full well that the relationship is not true!
You need to get out of this relationship! You deserve better! Do it tonight and start the grieving process! The sooner….the better! Quit giving this person anymore of your precious time! Good luck!
Robin Yarborough says:
I went thru the secret relationship with my youngest child’s father. Alex and having him was like a miracle, I almost miscarried him three times. In the end, I left him as secretly as he kept our relationship. When I left I did not look back. It is a serious concern. Leaving costed me $20,000.00 and years of child custody battles. I ended up losing custody of him, when Alex was five. To this day his Dad knows if he mistreats Alex I will be up there so fast his head will fall off. So girls BEWARE if he hides you, watch out. But the power of this all is I am an Empath and Alex’s dad never knew it.
Clara Brooks says:
I been dating someone for a few months now. And I feel like our relationship is a secret not to many people know about us. My friends know about us and his brother an a few of his friends do as well. He has a child from a previous relationship who is very jealous of him dating anyone else unless it’s her. So she holds their child I against him. I recently told him I was going to post a picture on his Facebook page. He told me no because he didn’t want any baby mama drama. I feel like his BM knows nothing about me even though he says he told her about us. What is ya intake on all of this? I just feel like I’m being led on an lied to
Anonymous says:
My boyfriend wants to keep our relationship a secret because people already make fun of us because we are best friends, but I think that if we tell people that we are together will make them stop but he isn’t convinced. I want a way to get him to tell people. I don’t know what to do. I’m half hoping that a dude will answer this but either way would be great. Any tips?
Brooke says:
Trust me when I say this if someone asked you if your dating the guy just say no I’m not why are you asking and if he says something then just go ask your boyfriend if you can tell them 😉 that’s what I did
Gilbera Lean says:
He is young minded
Alina says:
My boyfriend want to keep are relationship a secret he told me why
lilyxo3 says:
My bf and I have only been dating for about 5-6 days,but we have known each other for 1 1/2 years,but since we started dating he has been like,” no don’t tell anyone” and I’m not sure what to do.also he has been going really fast,like he tried to kiss me on our first date,but I didn’t let him,was that the right thing to do?
Vette says:
I have been in an exclusive relationship with my friend for 3 months. He was the first to say we are in a committed relationship. This is the first relationship I have been in, in 10 yrs, the first for him 3yrs. After a month of dating I told my family and friends about him, he has only told his best friend about me. I have no pictures of him and when i tried to take a pic of us together, he stopped me. he does not have a large family, but the small family he has does not know I exist. should i give him some time or make a run for it? I am really falling for this guy, and I don’t fall easily. I’m too old to try to get over a broken heart. He tells me he has fallen in love with me. I’m scared to death!! I stay single so long because to avoid being hurt.
rose says:
I’ve been dating this guy for a couple weeks now and he doesn’t want ANYONE to know.. When people ask if we are dating he says no but will flirt with me in public with no problem. He says I love you and we text a lot, but I want to go public and he doesn’t, and I know he doesn’t have another girl.
Brooke says:
I asked this boy out and he said if we do start to date I would have to keep it a secrect but I have a hard time keeping a secrect kinda please help me! 🙂
Tracy Walter says:
I was with my ex for four months and he got mad when I told people about us and all that, he hid me from some woman who was at his door, I think he already had a girlfriend, he lied to me and all that, did things that I didn’t like, it was all about him
carebear10145 says:
my best friend has the same problem her boyfriend wouldn’t let her tell anyone
Lucile Gurule says:
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 weeks now but he wants to keep are reationship a secert only my friend Frenando nows but what if a girl asked him out what can i do know one nows so he will be cheating on me with her someone help me i really like him so what do i do =-O
Sillylisamichelle says:
I have been dating a guy for about 2 months now, things seem to be going very well. I am the first girl he has dated since his divorce 3 years ago. He did not want the divorce she did and it devastated him. I know because we have talked about it. I have not met his 2 children yet, I that is understandable. However it seem that no one in his family knows he has been dating me, we have been together for 2 months and we spend about 3 to 4 nights a week together. Now his family who spend the winters in Florida are coming him and they stay with him now until Jan. I have asked him if he plans on introducing me to his family and he seem to really shut down. He say’s he cares for me but he’s a private guy, and enjoys being with me, but I am scared that once the parents come home from Florida, that’s the end of us. He has told me things will be different and I did respond saying I don’t know how long I can stay hidden in this relationship. My family and some friends have met him. Please help if you can, he is a great guy but I am not sure if he is scared or is this a trust issue. We are both in our 40’s so I feel we are both adults here so what’s the problem???
Upnorthgal72 says:
I think we dated the same guy…3 years later parents vacay in Florida …
Upnorthgal72 says:
I think we dated the same man lol …3 years later!! Parents winter in FL, 2 kids, “private” I hope you have some advise to work offer. I’m 46 he’s 47…my family and friends have all met him, I’ve met his children at their activities and he stays at my house I don’t stay with him. 2 years in and I’m about ready to get out of dodge.
Milli Marklew says:
My bf keep our love a secret and I what to tell my best friends but he will not let me
she she says:
I’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year now, but since I was in an accident and my mom helped me out and my ex did too, then he gets mad at the fact that my mom and ex helped me out soe I lag him but what really happened my ex took me to handle some business then he called I told him and and he was like don’t call him, he don’t want too deal with me, then now he wants to call me privately I can’t have his number but he can call me, we no longer hang out like we use too nor nothing soe now he wants to be together but he don’t want no one else too know until he find out what he wants to do cause he say too many people be in our business
Shasha Am says:
My boyfriend lets me tell my best friends and his best friends about our relationship but he does not want others to knw…cux hes scared either of our parents will find out
Shonell says:
i have the same problem but mine dont want anyone to know he say cuz he dont want my parent to hear abt us and come by his house cuz he will disown me i dont want them to find out either and he alway say i tell people that we de and we does kiss i think i did but everyone lik to share there great moment that they had with their boyfriends
Kiwi says:
What if you’ve known him for like a year and a half and you haven’t stopped liking him
and your really good friends?
grace says:
My boyfriend dont want our relationship exposed to his close frds, i am so much worried off he will say no and he dnt want to involve me
Jaina says:
Ok so me and one of my best friends from school have been talking he says he likes me and I like him too and he says he wants to dat me we made plans for this week and everything seems ok except a few things. Him and his ex just broke up not that long ago and she won’t leave him alone even though she broke his heart. He asked me not to get involved with her and I didn’t. But he is being distant one day he’ll be all lovey do eh and the next he is so standoffish. I miss the real him. And he asked me not to tell his ex that we were quote on quote “talking” i thought he saiid that he liked me and we were going out this weekz!? I don’t know what’s going on somebody please help.
priscilla says:
I was talking to my boyfriend and I asked for him to tell his friends and he said no and I kept asking him but he said he is just going to tell them slowly but I mean if he really like me and wants to be with me he wouldn’t even care whathis friends say but what should I do
Alicia Williams says:
I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple months now. We’ve been friends for some time before getting physical. He has two kids but has been divorced. He is a great being and he owns a couple of nightclubs in the city. He says he likes me and I like him and we have been seeing eavhother a lot especially on days when he is free. He investes his time with me. The only thing is I feel like he is scared to tell people we are seeing eachother. He tells me because since many know him people spread rumors and drama. Everyone knows his name. We don’t have a label but we are getting oretty serious. He says he wants to stay on the dl for now but I think it’s because we aren’t official and we both want to take things slow. Literally everyone knows his name. Many women like gold diggers obviously wants him but he isn’t that type compared to his other partners whom I am also good friends with. But I want to know am I crazy to feel like he is hiding me a little bit or should I respect his wishes until we are official. He did say recently I want to see how this goes and see if we can label it. We have both been hurt before and we have this crazy energy attraction towards eachother. Am I wrong for thinking this…help?
Anonymous says:
I have a crush on this boy whom i REALLY REALLY want to go to prom with and um well i’ve been trying to find time to tell him we’re going on a field trip and i want to tell him then but i dnt know exactly what to say because instead of getting butterflies i get the whole zoo LOL
Crystal says:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2months and he barely told me last night that he doesn’t want to express our relationship until we have sex I told his bestfriend that we were dating and he got mad. I don’t get why he’s not wanting to tell people
Taru Verma says:
Hey i wanted to ask that is it important for two people to have the gf bf tag
I have been seeing a guy
And we are together from two months
We talk we love we care for each other jst as one couple would do but we have not given it a tag yet
Is this a thing to worry about should we think about giving it a tag or just go with the way it is going ?
ScarletHarlot says:
You’re living with him after only two months together? And he’s just out of a 19 year relationship?
Girl, get your own place, or tell him to move out of your place (I’m guessing he moved in with you since he left his ex?) and take things far more slowly. Even without the worry about his ex, that’s so fast to take things when you barely know each other. Add in the mistrust about whether he’s honest with his ex, and it’s a recipe for disaster.
Whatisit says:
I’ve caught my boyfriend on two different occasions telling other guys they could visit him depending on how their relationship progressed. Yes I looked at his email/facebook. He says I don’t trust him, how can I trust him? When I start to he pulls this Crap. And he would tell his ex “you know how I feel about you”
vanessa says:
i have been dating this guy for a year now and i recently found out that he has a gf… but now what i don’t understand is the fact that he asked if we should keep our relationship secret. for what reason i don’t know. why the change all of the sudden because it was no secret before but now things have changed.
Lilly says:
My boyfriend wants to play golf and I want him to stay over. We hardly get to see each other let alone spend the night is he cheating or am I think more into it
Kylie says:
My boyfriend’s mom is really strict on him and doesn’t want him to have a girlfriend, much less me. She hates me and called me a houchie mama. We started dating after really talking for a while and then we broke up because of some things that were going on in his life. His mom says he’s not allowed to have an actual girlfriend until he turns 15 in May. So, I think he’s waiting on May to come around and that’s when he’ll reveal it to his family and friends. But we are secretly dating again. He said it has to be extremely private unless I want him to get killed. His family hates me so if I wound up telling some of my other friends, it could get back to his family and cause a lot of trouble for him. I think he truly doesn’t want to get in trouble, but after reading these articles, I’m worried as hell now.
Mani says:
Your situation is very different than the other ones shared here. You’re kids who have to worry about bs family rules. Unless he gets super chummy with another girl don’t worry too much and try to slyly get into his family’s good graces.
Amanda Johnson says:
I been dating this guy for about 3 months now in he still don’t won’t his family or my family to know about us or no one else to about me us it hurt me so bad because I care about him alot but I don’t think he feels the same you think I should tell him how I feels or ask him is he seein any one else
R.K says:
me and my boyfriend been are together for 2 years and 6 months. we broke up once and we got back together all suddenly he wants to keep a secert from his family and im pretty sure his friends doesnt know we back together either, Im just confuse and dont know what to do 🙁
Liz says:
I’m going through the same. We have been together about the same time and have had problems and he keeps us a secret now. I feel so bad about myself like I’m not good enough.
angela says:
I have a LD boyfriend (one hour drive away) I’ve known for six years and we became official for nearly one year. Our problems started because I wanted to spend more time together. He was living with his sister as he was working to save money up to getting his own place. I on the other hand have my own place. He didn’t have a car so he couldn’t just get up and take a drive when he wanted to. But I’ve been willing to see him and offered to pick him up and spend the weekends with me. He said he loved me and wanted to work on things as were talking about our relationship he gets a call from he said his friend. This friend happened to to be a female and I’ve never known about her. I’ve asked him if she knew about us and his reply is maybe. I asked where or who is she and his reply does it even matter. He says she is just a friend. I don’t know whether to believe him and now has he brought trust issues to our relationship? My taking if she was just a friend then why am I just finding out about her and why is his answers about her so shady? Your advice please. Thanks
TheHopeLine® says:
It does sound like he is not being completely truthful. We are here for you if you want to talk about it – https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ We also have a free eBook about dating that has great tips and insights. https://info.thehopeline.com/relationships-dating
Suzi Brown says:
I have been with my partner for nearly 5 years and his family don’t know we are together. My friends and family know everything so it’s not secret. But my partner has a mother and 2 sisters who are very controlling. They have got in the way of his previous relationships, so his wants them excluded so they cannot interfere.
I’m happy to do this, as he is a very private person and I want him to be comfortable with our relationship before he tells family.
Elizabeth Bauman says:
I’ve been talking to a guy that I really like and he tells me not to tell anyone that were talking. He said its because he can get into trouble at our job because of his boss. Is he really keeping us a secret because he is embarrassed or what? Last night he told me he can’t talk to me because I told a friend about us and she went to him about it. Should let him go or try to get him back because he means the world to me.
bee says:
i have been dating my gf for 3 years and we lived together for almost 3 years, we have been on and off for quite some time, but before we dated i knew her cuz she went to my old hs shes 4 years younger than me, well im bisexual and shes straight. i knew that thats why i never got at her because i dont bother to deal with straight girls much. well she started flirting with me she got at me and asked me out which i said yes cuz she was this beautiful girl asking ME out. i fell in love and my whole family (even my parents that didnt accept this) found out and still welcomed her and treated her like family. all my friends kno of us. but with her some of her friends kno, and maybe like 5 family members kno of us but she hides me from everyone else, doesnt bring me around family events or to go over their houses, but yet she always comes over my familys events and gets to be part of that part of my life. idk why she does this to me she says she loves me and doesnt wanna be with anyone else and only sees herself with me but says she can never tell her family of us and it breaks me cuz i want that! :/ i just dont kno what else to do. i hate being a secret it hurts
mel says:
I have been dating a guy for 3 months now and we seem so fine together like we do everything together but its kind of strange when we upload a status or picture on social media everything is hidden on his wall like he doesn’t want anyone to see what is going on with us. we all know social media is the best way to show off.
Siani says:
I have a similar situation, My gf and I have been dating for 8months now but I’ve know her for 6yrs she refuses to post our picture on FB where all her friends are but she’ll post it on IG where no one but family is on. I feel as if she’s trying to keep us a secret from her Ex or someone she maybe talking to now. If I try to post a picture and tag her she gets extremely mad….
Elizabeth Santa says:
I’m 16 years old, almost 17 and in my first serious relationship- I’m a late bloomer, I know. I’m a lesbian, but I’m going to hope that doesn’t matter as far as circumstances go. Ever since I was very young, my mother has been my only confidant on emotional matters. The ONLY one. Family relations have improved in the past year or two, so naturally, when my girlfriend said “yes” when I suggested we date about a month ago, I told my mother first, and then my older brother, and a few of my closest friends that she was my girlfriend.
She refers to me as her girlfriend as well in private, but when she tells one of her friends about me, she calls me her “friend” even though she’s out of the closet to nearly everyone she talks about.
I try to ask permission to tell someone new, especially outside of the family, and the answer is usually “I don’t care,” but recently, she found out my mother knew and asked under her breath all quiet like “Why do you keep telling everyone???”
Was I wrong to get so excited?
tabby says:
Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and we live together and things don’t seem right. I’ve caught him texting another girl, flirting with her and everything. We got into an argument over it and he stopped texting her and I forgave him. Just a few moments ago, I went through his phone and had found that he was texting another girl. What this one said was that she was suppose go over to our house while I was at work and bring him something. What was wrong was that he texted her back saying “I don’t want to get caught by my “friend” she’s a little over protective. We should meet at my cousins house.” Which now explains why he went over there that night and stayed until 3am. Now everyone tells me I should leave him and that I deserve better. I’m on the edge and I love him and want to stay with him, but the fact that he continues to do this, makes me want to leave for good.
tabby says:
Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and we live together and things don’t seem right. I’ve caught him texting another girl, flirting with her and everything. We got into an argument over it and he stopped texting her and I forgave him. Just a few moments ago, I went through his phone and had found that he was texting another girl. What this one said was that she was suppose go over to our house while I was at work and bring him something. What was wrong was that he texted her back saying “I don’t want to get caught by my “friend” she’s a little over protective. We should meet at my cousins house.” Which now explains why he went over there that night and stayed until 3am. Now everyone tells me I should leave him and that I deserve better. I’m on the edge and I love him and want to stay with him, but the fact that he continues to do this, makes me want to leave for good.
Bella says:
Hi there I am in a relationship for 18months now I have told my family about my realtiosnhip amd he has only told his Dad about it and He has met my family and I have met his Dad. I also met my boyfriend at school and his mum was techincally my english teacher dont know if this is a reason to why he does not tell her also he has stood me up a few times also we have an intimate relationship and sometimes he can be really nice and all lovey dovey and the sometimes can be wide when we talk also we dont see each other that often to which we used to also he is a nice boy but its a weird one about my relationship also any ideas to how I can ask him if he will just tell his mum also he always goes I will tell her soon and being saying this since april also I do get upset sometimes about him and his effort in the relationship any adice thanks .
Jessica Silva says:
I’ve been seeing this guy for a while, we aren’t dating but we are pretty close to it. He insists on keeping what we have a secret because I have a “good girl reputation” which is a really dumb reason. I’m not insisting we date and tell the world but I don’t like it being so secret. I feel like he is seeing other girls or just embarrassed. There is always that one girl I’m jealous of because she is better than me in so many ways and she goes to his games that I can’t go see because it would raise suspicion. I’m at home making sure I don’t spill his secret while the girl I’m jealous of gets to support him at games. Why could he be insisting this to be such a secret and what do I do?
Token Addicts says:
Ok so I am 38 years old and the girl I am dating is 25 just thought I throw that out there before I begin. I been dating this girl for going on 2 months and all she wants to do is keep us a secret she claims that’s the way she is idk if that’s the truth or not. We work together but never at the same time so sometimes she comes to my job and hangs out for a bit when one of our co workers comes and hits on her right in front of me and it has happen a few times now so one night I got tired of it and ask her to tell the co worker we are together so she will not hitting on her. She refused saying shes a private person and its nobody business but I smell bs and red flags everywhere so could I be right and shes hiding something from me or embarrassed. Oh one last thing she just got out of a 10 year marriage like 4 months ago and shes still married and apparently they have broken up a few times in their relationship so maybe shes keeping us a secret because of him. I didn’t want to use my personal account so I used my business account which is why it says my name is Token Addicts.
Daniel PJ says:
Hi there, I’ve kept my gf out of my family with for a specific reason. In my past relationships they have gotten involved and basically separated me from them, it especially hurt when I wanted to get married with them. Now in this relationship that I have now i did it viceversa, I proposed to her first and now will present them to my family. It feels like I’m doing the right thing because of previous hurtful experiences. My family is in shock.. I met her family a couple of times, now they are also after her in trying to stop it with threats and making her feel bad and even though we have a good relationship. I really feel lost right now don’t know where to go from here.
Angel says:
Idk weather I’m dating or just talking to this boy. Anyway he wants to keep our love for each other a secret but I really don’t like the DL stuff so I agreed to it. Me and him has been of and on for almost a year and ever since then I’ve known he was the one I loved. I met him by my ex who was dating me at the time and he used to flirt with me but after a while I noticed I had some intense feelings for him so basically I broke up with my ex for him. Ever since we’ve been off and on. I’m just worried I’m like a backup plan to him. Any advise?
anon says:
hi.
so i meet this guy a couple of months ago at a week camp, he asked for my number and as soon as we got home we talked all most everyday.
this went on for about a month and in that time we both confessed that we liked each other. he lives literally right around the corner of where i live, but would all ways cancel our meet ups. he never said exactly why. later i found out he never told his parents about me because he said he was scared his parents wouldn’t approve of me and say not to talk to me anymore. one day, right after a night we had talked on the phone till 2am he stopped talking to me. wouldn’t reply to any calls or texts or calls, then one day after about a week and a half he texted and said sorry he has been super busy with school. but its not the same he doesn’t text me unless i am asking a question, and its maybe at the most every week and a half…………….. i still realllllly realllllly like him and cant stop thinking about him and i meet him at the end of February this year……… do you think i should just forget about him and try get over him????but i really dont want to!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Beck Grove says:
Hi I have been with my bf for a month and a bit and found txts to his ex which are dirty and them saying that they loved each other when I asked him to explain he said if he doesn’t go along with it she won’t let him see his daughter anymore and if she finds out about me she will not let him see his daughter as well. Do I believe him and continue our relationship or leave him how far would he go to see his daughter his ex comes over with the daughter and stays the night at his house as well he said he was going to end it and shoe me proof asap. Please help
Pi Steno says:
the boy i have been dating has recently come out of a long relationship, and wants to keep us secret for now. a few months have passed and we go out with mutual friends, but i don’t like having to hide it. (I understood at first, his breakup being so recent but now it just seems strange/makes me uncomfortable) my best friend (a boy) is a very good friend of his also, and recently i was drinking with this friend and told him everything (i thought he’d already guessed) Now I feel pretty bad about this, and also uncomfortable that the boy i’m dating can’t just tell our friends. any advice?
Aimee Oh says:
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months. We both kept our relationship a secret, but then my parents found out 2 months in. My boyfriend is still not telling his parents, and I feel like I get mixed feelings from him. He acts differently around me than his friends and more frequently talks animatedly with my bestfriend. He tends to be less of a jokester around me and we don’t have any chances to talk….
klross says:
ive been dating a guy and he told me not to tell anyone not my friend or nothing…it sucks because i really wanna tell my freind
Anonymous says:
HI klross,
If it is this big of a secret, you should stop dating him. But to be honest, he can not force you to keep YOUR life a secret. If you want to tell your loved one’s about your life ,go right ahead.
You should dump this guy.
Aida Jabar 김사랑 says:
I also experience the same thing.. when he start approaching me a month ago, he told me at the first place that he wants our relationship to be secret as he wants to take care of people’s heart.. but now, he still keep our relationship as secret.. when we meet at our community group, he avoids to talk to me as he afraid his secret love might reveals..
Kiri Riccio says:
My bf at school likes to keep our rellationship secret too and i dont know why i have asked him about it but he wont say why
Anonymous says:
Hi Kiri,
I’m a 35 year old woman. Your bf is doing that so he is still free to pursue other girls. If a guy wants to keep you a secret, run away!!!
Shante says:
My brother had a secret girlfriend for apparently two years. He never put pictures and never mentioned her and because he was asked he accepted they were living together. Our family is awesome and real close and I still don’t understand why he kept her a secret. We live in different states so it was easier for him to lie everyday and act like he was living somewhere else. He has been so shady and I don’t ever want to trust him or speak to him for being such a liar.
Anonymous says:
He is with someone else. You deserve someone who is proud of you.
Anonymous says:
Yes. He had a good excuse in the beginning, but now his excuses are very weak. Go ahead and tell anyone you want about YOUR life.
Heidi boucher says:
I sent my friend a pic of the man I’ve fallen in love with. When I sent her the pic his private phone number attached and she took it upon herself to text him and tell him please don’t hurt my friend(me) and don’t play her! My boyfriend could have blocked her or told her not to worry he loved me.. he did neither. When we spoke the next day about this he said no worries!!! A week went by and by Saturday he texted me how pissed off he was at me and I deceived him, I a untrustworthy and he will never trust me again.i honestly did not send his number on purpose nor did I give my so called friend permission to text him.He has told me he loves me more then words can say, so how did our love and relationship go from the most wonderful to he won’t even talk this out? I love him with all of me I’m in so much pain!! And he told me not to text him so I stopped but I have gotten text from him one saying I’ll call you and didn’t and yesterday Kisses to you what should I think???
Leni says:
Me and my boyfriend are almost gonna make two years in march , a while back , he started deleting our pictures off his phone and off his Facebook and gave me a excuse and I was okay with it , but then he broke up with me and said he needed space to find himself. We were broken up for a month and I was broken so once I started to move on , he came back and I gave him a second chance , but now he’s keeping us a secret and now I’m starting to see a pattern, am I overthinking?
Chey S says:
I just recently started dating this guy, and he’s been acting kind of weird lately. When were alone, he gets very touchy and never wants to stop talking to me, but when we’re at school, he doesn’t even say “hello”. When I confronted him about it, his exact words were, “I don’t want anyone to know I’m with someone.” But to be honest, all of my grade knows already. The other day in class someone asked him, “Do you guys have a thing going on?” and his response was, “I don’t know.” Should I be worried? Is he ashamed to be with me?
Sissy says:
My boyfriend and I have been dating now almost two years, First he told me he didn’t put his personal stuff on web sites such as Facebook etc nor would he change his status… it caused several problems and we both got off of it… He also texts other females and says there just friends but I know for a fact one is a gal that works with him and I informed him several times that bothers me but, it always gets turned around like in too jealous…he had no pictures of us on his page either… I’m now dealing with him going on pentrest and saving photos of girls naked it makes me feel uncomfortable and unappreciated in many ways I’ve tried to talk bout this but it ends up in fighting which I don’t like… he has a lock on his phone and says it’s his not mine what he does on it is only his business I informed him not when it causes issues with us… then I get treat with him not wanting to be around me shunning me that hurts.. I’m s honest faithful lady I told him those actions aren’t love… when I mention leaving he tells me he doesn’t want me too I’m so in love with him and very confused and heart broken… I want respect honesty and trust I told him secrets aren’t good he acts like there ok
Kiri Riccio says:
My bf gave me a ring for valentines day and he hasnt been talking to me since hes been playing games with his friends and like not even talking to me i’m wondering what i should do
Lee says:
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for three months we’ve decided that we want to keep our relationship a secret but now I want to tell my friends how do I bringing g this up in our next conversation
Donna says:
I been with my boyfriend for about four years we just got engaged I week before Christmas and the the is he hasn’t told his family or friends about me I think he is cheating cheating on me he says it’s me we don’t go no were he goes back and forth to Lynn were he works and from he ask e to marry him but I just fee its just a game he is playing so he can have me here and do no on Lynn none of his females friends know about me he still texts female like he is single its like I am a secret but we’re supposed to get married next year in May
jai says:
im dealing with the exact same situation except mines really did have a secret life! you dont need it
Crystal Agustin says:
I’ve been bestfriends with this guy for a year now and he’s been seeing a girl but recently he ended it up because he does not truly like this girl. Lately, he confessed his feelings for me and I can see that it’s real. In my part, I’ve been admiring him from afar since then but the problem is, his ex keeps on messaging him and she’s friends with my bestfriend’s other closest friends that’s why I can’t just enter the scenario. What should I do? He tells me he really do like me and this is only the time he got serious to a girl but we should keep it private and secret. Every now and then he sees his future with me and I am, too. I just can’t figure out what to do.
Melissa Burke says:
Ive been dating this guy for 4 months now but we been talking for 5 months. Anyways i havent met his family and friends yet. Also, he has a lot of girlfriends too but many of them are married and 2 are single. They all know about me but one single girl doesnt. I talked to him about it and he says shes senitive and likes him but he has no interest in her. He doesnt eant to tell her now but in a month probley. I feel like if he doesnt want to tell her then he probley likes her too. He even told me he knew her for about 3-4 years now. I feel if he doesnt want to tell her then hes secretly dating her and then hes picking her feelings over mine. He says she will cry if he tells her but i know something is wrong. Please can someone tell me what to do. Im soo confused.
Cynthia Olaguez says:
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years, and about a month ago he broke up with me. He realized how much of a mistake he made, and wanted me back. I took him back, but now he doesn’t want to tell anyone we are together. All his reasons for not wanting to make it public are super selfish, and it’s really stupid. So I got tired of it and I changed my profile picture to me and him. I tell everyone who asks that we are back together. Do not be a secret ladies, and do what makes you happy. If he leaves, then oh well. He would’ve lost the best thing that has ever happened to him. He was super pissed when he saw the picture, but it’s not wrong in any way to want to tell people you’re in a relationship. I’m way out of his league anyways and he should be proud that I’m even with him.
Stacey says:
I’va been woth my boyfriend for a year and a half, but he is still not ready for it to be public. It hurts me, and makes me feel like a mistress. I dont get to be a part of his real life, just his night. He says its because if his ex finds out he has a girlfriend, that she will make sure he never sees the kids, and she will persecute him. He tells me i have to do what is right for me, and that he doesnt want to hurt me. But he also tells me that i am the love of his life. What am I supposed to do?? This is killing me.
Pretty37 says:
I’ve been dating this guy for 3 years and never meant his family
Kathy says:
Recently the man that I have been engaged to for two years, got arrested for the first time in his life and he’s 51.
He suspected at the time of his arrest that I was the one that caused the arrest but later discovered that it was someone else.
We are now in a secret relationship where we both meet up at a hotel.
He has a home of his own, but his 28 year old son has moved in since this.
I feel like maybe he said some horrible things about me in the process and is too embarrassed to simply tell these people that he made a mistake in his words.
I can anyone give me advice as to why we are now in a secret relationship and what I should do.
Priscilla says:
I dated a guy back 4years ago. our relationship went on so fast a couple of months into it I got pregnant and soon a girl come to me asking If my boyfriend and I wer in a relationship .later did I know this girl was my boyfriend’s girlfriend too. sadly at about 6months into the pregnancy i lost the child. I decided to move on with my life and I left town.3 years later he contacts me and we hashed things out and we agreed in being in a relationship. A month later I find out he’s still seeing the girl he left me for when i was pregnant 4years ago and they have a child together. He keeps telling me he’s falling in love with me and he doesn’t want to lose me but he still loves he’s baby mama too. I’m caught in the middle of the same thing I run away from 4years ago I don’t want to lose him but I can’t keep getting hurt.my related with him is a secret I’m afraid of telling people of our relationship because of what he did to me 4years ago and because my friends and he’s baby mama’s friends are mutual friends and I don’t want her to get hurt. I don’t want to be causing troubles for him with he’s Baby mama and I don’t think he’s told anyone about our relationship because he still loves he’s baby dearly….but then I don’t understand what am I to him then???
African-princess says:
I’ve been dating this guy for 11months now, the last time bu saw him was 6months ago. He lives about 3hrs drive away from me, I’ve asked him countless times to come by but he always gives me excuses that he is busy. He won’t let me come visit cause he claims he stays with his daughter and doesn’t want to bring girls around her, everytime I asked him if he is just taking me for a ride he claims he isn’t but loves me. I have a feeling he doesn’t care about me just the attention I give him..But I love him, i was in the same city as him for the first 3months of our relationship but had to move to a different location, that’s when he started acting funny.. am I fighting a losing battle?
Rose Dawson says:
I got a live in partner since 2013 until present. Our common fights are because of the topic we had here. He has 1 older sister and according to him, they were so close since their childhood days. He got a lot of friends and relatives and both his parents are still alive. But I was wondering, why on earth he never introduced me to either one of his family circle? I understand that he has 2 kids from his past and I gladly accepted his kids. I even intended some of my salary for his kids. I was the one who wash clothes, do the cleaning stuff at home, cooking our meals… I never mind him having no work at all.. I always saw him holding his cellphone watching Netflix or youtube or playing mobile legend… I don’t care it all… I was the only one providing our daily needs anyway. I even gave him my business (internet cafe) so that he could finance his kids. I never mind adding some few amounts to support his kids, I love them both as much as I love my boyfriend. I think I almost gave him what I got, but I just don’t get it.. why he has no guts on introducing me to his family? Considering the fact that he is close with his sister, why he can’t even let his sister know my existence? I heard a lot of rumors that he is already married. I tried to confront him about the issues I’ve heard about him. But what he told me was that those were only rumors. I asked him to show me his copy of Certificate of No Marriage, but he always told me that he’ll go to the government office one day to get it. Years passed by, no documentation has been showed yet. I wanted to leave him because of my doubt in him, but I have no courage to do it since he is so good to me. Can somebody enlighten me with your thoughts about the relationship I am dealing with? I really wanted to get out of the pit I’m in right now.
I am a Chemical Engineer and I’m afraid that I might get slapped by some women I don’t know, while I’m walking on the roads. Criticizing me for being a home wrecker or whatsoever. Though I’m not sure if he is married or not, just the fact that he’s been hiding me considering that we’re living together. Gives me the doubt to trust him.
Need help!
AshB says:
Why are you so afraid to leave someone who you can’t trust and have a gut feeling that’s he’s unfaithful? How is someone that you can’t trust, is someone who is good to you? I take it you’re probably still with him a year after your post. If so, as intelligent as you are how do you not realize that there are men out there who are truly good to women and will not allow them to feel any kind of doubt about how honest their relationship is? Of course you’re deeper into it now because you have allowed it for so long. But at this point it’s your choice, you choose whether to keep living in doubt full of worry of move on knowing that you can find bliss with someone who is more real with you.
Ana Paula says:
I felt deeply in love with a guy I met three months ago. I felt the relationship was progressing, at all levels. We have spent weekends away, travelled abroad too and I thought he really cared as much as I did. But I don’t think that now. My feelings are very mixed, since he hasn’t told his daughters about me yet and they are not teenagers anymore. I am also divorced, for a few months now.
He hasn’t introduced me to anyone until now.
I don’t kow if he has told his his friends so far. . Tonight he went to a annual Christmas party with his friends, couples who have been also his ex’s friends.
I felt very sad because he didn’t invite me, but didn’t want to tell him now because we have only met for three months.
Because I was so sad today I questioned him about his feelings and his intentions, but he didn’t open up. He said he didn’t know what he was going to do when we we were both seeing houses to buy and I felt again so ackward. We both need to move, since he is leaving a rented flat and I am going to get one when I manage to sell the one I have with my ex. The thing that also worries is that he doesn’t seem to bother if I find a house far from his. So having said this, I suppose our relationship is probably never become a full one. I told him I thought he didn’t seem emotionally available and he changed the subject…
Mariyah says:
Sounds like someone I know
Amy says:
I’ve been dating my “boyfriend” for over a year. In this time we have already been through so much together. He has kept me a secret from everyone he knows, never mentioning my name or the complete truth about me if he mentions his “girl.” I dated his best friend in high school, at least 8 years ago, and he thinks his best friend will not be okay with us being together, therefore, doesn’t want to tell him in fear of “losing one or both of us.” He promised me in September he would tell his friend “soon.” Here we are January and still nothing. We even went through an 8 month period where we basically lived together until he moved 2 hours away because of a job opportunity. It’s not a permanent move but for at least a year.
I’ve told the girls I work with about him, knowing VERY WELL that they will not tell anyone outside of us. I’ve also told my best friend who knows the circumstances of the secrecy and how important it is that no one finds out. Same goes for my parents.
He’s very angry with me that I told my best friend his name even though she doesn’t associate or know anyone who knows him, and I trust.
He has talked about our future together but I don’t know how we can build a future on a secret. I also have a 3 year old..
Any words of wisdom.
Anhelica Rosales says:
Ok so my boyfriend that i am with now is also my ex boyfriend and this time he said he wanna keep it on the low and I dont know why
Naina says:
Break it off before he breaks off your heart. My ex did that too then left me after a month. Apparently, it was just for revenge/timepass.
Wen Ci Chong says:
I used to like a girl a lot but she friendzoned me. A year later, I just chatted with her for 4 days and she started to imply me to propose to her again. I dont know what to do so I proposed to her but I don’t like her that much that I used to. Now I feel kinda weird with her but yet still i like her a bit. She also wants to keep this relationship private because she afraid she will get laughed at if we broke up really soon. Can i know the problem with our relationship? How can I stop feeling weird with her and also ask her to make our relationship public?
Tamara Turner- Purvis says:
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 months. We have known each other for about a year. He is a private person. He has told me alot about his past that I am sure not many know. However it’s hard because we live in different states. He comes here to visit. He has met my sister, my kids and 3 of my friends. I know his brother knows about me because I have personally talked to him. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage. I just feel like sometimes that I am a secret. I am not friends with him on Facebook. He says only his family is on his facebook. However he and I do follow each other on Instagram. I just don’t know what to think. He doesn’t like pictures to be posted of us. He says it’s because he doesn’t like people in our business.
Agr Hector says:
same situation here
Onyemakonor Babatunde Ukara says:
My “girlfriend” says the same. “People will meddle things up for us……”
Onyemakonor Babatunde Ukara says:
I have been in a “relationship” with a woman who wants to keep our relationship secret. She has no other reason than “let’s see how this goes, first”. This has been worrying me given the fact that on some days/nights, she never picks up my calls, nor reply to my Whatsapp messages even though she’s online. As I write, tonight is one of them nights. I read an article on wikihow and after that, I did some diggings on Facebook only to find out that she’s been showing open love for someone else. She told me she’s travelling tomorrow (Wednesday) and I found out that she’s actually going to the city where the other guy currently lives. It all dawned on me why she wants me to change my looks and my dressing. She’s trying to make me look like the guy and this made me very angry. I choose to be happy, I’m calling off the relationship. I’ve been so shortchanged. I’m 38 and she’s 36.
Fanzo says:
Is it bad if my girlfriend says to keep it on the low or dont tell anyone? I asked for her number and said i have no number u can call. Pls reply were still dating
Mell says:
that is probably a load of bull. she most likely has a phone, but is scared your the kind of guy that calls ever night then has nothing to talk about. another thing could be that she doesn’t want to give you her number in fear that if things go south she will have to deal with the i still love you calls. the best option is to wait, show her yo truly love her, build trust, and ask again at a later date.
Denise says:
I have a boyfriend that I met online, a gaming app, we’ve been playing flirty for over 3 years now and started getting serious a year ago, he’s super jealous of any guy that I spend time with (friends). When I told him I showed his pic to my best friend niece, he asked me not to show anyone his pictures. Why would he do that? He wants me to be with him and I want to be with him, but he doesn’t msg me regularly, although he is in college full time.
Cathy says:
My boyfriend I have known for 4 months lives with his girlfriend come and find out she’s a narcissist he told her about me trying to see should I go or should I stay
AshB says:
If you’re having trouble deciding whether to leave or go when he has 2 girlfriends. I guess you won’t mind staying when he finds his third or fourth. Sounds like you’re already miserable, at the end of day it’s your choice, there are better men out there. Live in doubt full of worry or move on to someone better. You only live once, why spend it feeling like you are currently.
Marcos says:
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now. We meet at a bar that I use to attend often with my ex. Due to this my current boyfriend knows my ex but are not friends at all.
After my ex and I broke up my current boyfriend and I began dating. We began to take things slow and keep things quiet just to ensure we really liked each other since he did know some of the same people as my ex. Months into us talking we began to talk about coming out. With hope insight to come out and go out with him to our usual spots.
Again they aren’t friends at all, don’t talk when they see each just know one another, yet my boyfriend doesn’t want to come out for this reason! We have been together so long now that I feel that we should just tell everyone, he says he is in love with me but can this be possible if I’ve been a secret for this long.
Margaret says:
Why every time, I am close to meeting or attending, birthday, Christmas, wedding celebration am I excluded? Am being told many different stories. Weren’t invited, not his venue, others didn’t go etc…
Years of same. Any hope!
Alexis says:
Me and my BF been dating for 6 months I tell him all time about telling people about us he says he don’t want anyone to no his business I love him and I don’t want to break up but it makes me really mad to the point were my family wants to post it all over Facebook I tell them no because I’m scared of losing him I told him I want people to no on Christmas of 2018 that passed and he didn’t tell no one and we just stopped talking about it what should I do ??
Soldier48 says:
You’re going to have to take a chance on losing him or lose yourself in the process. You’re scared to be alone…& then, it sounds as if you’ve made yourself believe that you have no power in this relationship. Call his bluff! Post on FB. Sounds like he might be playing you if he’s that secretive. If he loves you, he should “shout it from the mountaintops”, honey. Don’t get played. Get hurt now or get hurt later…
Sue says:
I know someone in the same situation but it’s a few years for them. No one has a clue about them and the BF spends a lot of time doing things and going places with what he calls just friends. The things they do together and she is the first persons he talks to all the time. He can goes days and not talk to the person is sleeps with. So I wouldn’t call it a relationship as they don’t go out or do anything at all. He will jump for his friend and is always helping and doing things with her. So if its at the point where you don’t do anything together and he hides you from everyone it would mean you are not a couple and he is keeping you around until he either gets with the girl he does things with and spends time with or someone else. Not sure why people do that to someone and if you try and tell them they need to figure out what they want and you tell them your done and going to give them space to figure it out they still find a way to pull you back in just to get you close again just to push you away. I would suggest if he’s not hasn’t done it yet he’s not going to commit to a relationship.
Gie says:
I have a boyfriend for almost 4 months;but I did know him for more than 2 years,he is my landlord;he is not divorced but he Is separated for more than 12 years,,he has 2 children,he is very good man ,humble and kindhearted,in the beginning he told me his life story,he is honest and he is very open to everything he does,he once invite me o his place for 2 weeks,we enjoyed each other company,every conversation he has to his children,or any member of the family I know because he puts the phone on speaker ,he is very religious and well known to many,he told me he loves me so much and doesn’t want to loose me,but I do love him so much too,he is a businessman but no money involve because I did open this to him,I don’t want anything except to love me,but our relationship has no future ahead,we are hiding in the dark,he doesn’t want anybody to know ,he wants only the 2 of us,I did agree with this condition because I’m deeply in love with him,and I do everything to make him happy,but as the days go on,I feel I want to get out of this relationship but I don’t know because I truly love him,any advise.
Steph says:
I’m currently in a relationship with someone and it’s been 2years now. I haven’t met he’s family or many friends. He doesn’t my pics on a socials. I’m cutrently figuring out a way to end it. If you value yourself and he values you, you would not be anybody’s secret.
Soldier48 says:
Re
How “religious” is he if he’s STILL MARRIED & is sleeping with you? In the eyes of God & man, he is STILL married. You are allowing him to use you. He doesn’t love you, he loves WHAT you do. Know your worth & get out of that mess that you’re attempting to call a “relationship.” Find you a SINGLE MAN & stop giving yourself away to someone who you have NO FUTURE with at all!
Hazel says:
I’m in love with my guy and we are committed for the past 8 years still my guy doesn’t talk much about me to anyone. He hasn’t even posted one pic with me till now and doesn’t tag me too. His friends came to know about our relationship only after 4 years (Even that he did not say, I told one of my friends and it spread to his friends). He keeps saying he doesn’t like posting pics in general. He does post pics, but rarely (only with family and friends). Every time I ask him to post he replies saying either “You are my privacy and I don’t like sharing our relationship”or “Let’s keep it a secret for sometime”. I’m very sad and upset over this. I am not sure how long more I should wait since it’s already 8 years. Also both our families know about our relationship and therefore I don’t see what is stopping him. Is there something wrong with me for asking this to him. Please help me.
Oooof Queen says:
Had a crush on this boy we used to bunp into eachother on purpose in the halls everyday and when i used to textbhim he took forever to reply no he asked me out but said to keep it a secret until he knows how the relationship will be but he keeps on saying thatbandnitsnstarting to make me feel like he is embarrassed for dating me even though he asked me out what should i do?😖
Crystal says:
Guys like to keep secrets cause there friend,s start trouble just like me and my boyfriend I suppose to keep secrets but I told people and they gossiping om and my boyfriend and it headache spread romure
Madison Fox says:
Ok so my boyfriend is super nice and everything but he doesn’t want anyone knowing . Then when we go to school he doesn’t acknowledge me and he flirts with other girls . What do I do please help ..
Rose says:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months now but he still wants to keep the relationship a secret. We both decided at the start that we would keep it a secret as we didn’t want a certain group of people at school to know because they’ll make fun of us for it, but now it’s kind of frustrating for me because I can’t talk to him at school as he always hangs out with that group of people who he said he doesn’t even like. I really want to be able to talk and be with him at school but he doesn’t like it. He seems fine about this situation and is not planning on changing it in the future either.
rash says:
Me and my BF is in relation for past 13 years, I tell about him who ever I meet that I have a BF proudly, but in past 13 years I can say he would have mentioned about me only to 3 to 4 people who don’t even know me . I love him so much that I never force him to declare his love for me. My entire family knows our relation but no one from his side really know about me not even his best buddies. Yes, it’s really a concern but my love for this person is unconditional 🙂 🙁
Brokenhearted name says:
Please make yourself clear with this man. Do you want to live your life that way another 10years and found out he will marry someone else?
I have decided so many times to leave but i couldn’t, either around 10yrs mark. However, the more i pit up, the more he thinks i am needy and desperate. Therefore, he becomes more ignorant to my feelings that i finally cut him out. Not easy but i deserve better.
Ireen says:
how can I tell which one is making him want to hide the relationship am Disturbed
Mila says:
A guy recently confessed to me….I’m not really ready to reciprocate his feelings and start a relationship because i’m too young(17 years old)and I’m mostly focusing on my career…But still,he asked me if We could like secretly date…Nobody knows that he had a crush on me and refuse to even tell it to the people closest to him…He want us to text secretly and meet up secretly..I really would like to know why he wants me and him to date secretly..Like why?
Dom says:
My boyfriend text girls and won’t tell girls that he has a gf… I always tell guys I have a bf so they mess with me or talk to to me. It bothers me so much that he texts other girls because I don’t text others guys. I don’t know what to do
Dom says:
So they DONT mess with me or talk to me*** sorry
Sarah E. says:
I have been dating a guy for almost 4 months & for some reason he won’t tell anyone about me. He has been going through some stuff & I have put my own life on hold to be there for him & go out of my way for him in any way I can yet he refers to me as a friend when talking to others. He has a lot of pretty girls on his facebook & I’m not one of them. I want to believe that he loves me like he says but I know I am just stupid in love. I truly am stupid. Do I just bring this up to him point blank & risk losing him or do I just suck it up & enjoy it?
Carly says:
My ex walked out on me and the kidd… know he wants us to start dating but don’t want to tell anyone or be seen by me.. I don’t know what to do know.. he broke my heart I have never been hurt like I was and afraid it might happen again.. but I do love him
susan says:
guys are full of different drama. I can’t believe person am planning my life is ahead of me by getting married to another lady in the next few weeks, if not for this truthcyberlord I won’t know anything.i just said I should just want to know if he has any secret that can implicate my future
Elsbeth says:
my boyfriend of 8 months has been hiding our relationship from his friends. I have never met any of his friends, but he has met my closest friends. he has a lot of female friends whom he talks about and posts on social media and takes pictures with and has never once shared a picture of me or us. I love him, but sometimes it gets a bit too much for me, always wondering why he doesn’t tell people about us.
Kiana Rucker says:
Hey I was going through something simular… dated a guy for a year and and he never posted pics of us and he did with other friends. When I asked him he said he dosent like people in his business. There is a difference between secrecy and privacy. Everytime I would call him if he was around his friends he would never pick up just text. I told him how I felt which led to a argument. In conclusion I eventually moved on because I know my worth and I’m nobody’s secret.
Annabelle says:
I’ve been dating this guy for like 3 months now.I always ask him why we don’t talk to each other in public…he tells me that he is afraid that people will suspect we dating and he doesn’t like being center of attention.To see him talking comfortably with his female friends in public and not me makes me feel unimportant, what should I do?😭
Jachinma says:
My boyfriend always tell me to be secretive in our relationship, but i dont like it that way..
Nomsa M says:
Thank you so much for this advice it felt like it directly to me.i feel this inflatuation thing and he just doesn’t want people to know about our relationship.yes it’s still new but he urged me to keep it a secret I was wondering what could be the reason but I’ll pray so God will help me make the right decision.
Makayla says:
Omg thank u so much u do not know how much this is to me
I was so upset because of what he tolled me
God bless u.
Thank u Thank u
This is Makayla Farris and Thank u
Makayla says:
hi this is makayla i need to say
how ever made this thank u are a life saver
i am happy now