Lacey Sturm…you probably know who she is but just in case you don’t, she co-founded the rock band, Flyleaf, and was their lead singer for 10 years until going solo. Now she has debuted her solo project, Life Screams.
But I’m really here to tell you about her deep and personal memoir that was just released this month, The Mystery: Finding True Love in a World of Broken Lovers. I got the privilege of reading her book and interviewing her about it. She was a sweetheart during our interview and really poured out her heart.
She has had her struggles and she is not afraid to talk about them! She wants others to learn from her experiences and she wants to help people! I haven’t met too many rock princesses but I doubt many of them would be willing to be so vulnerable and share such personal experiences in order to help others.
In her book, Lacey talks about orphan identity. Lacey grew up fatherless, and so her perspective of who and what a father is, was based on her not having a father and also observing other fathers who had neglected, abused, or abandoned their daughters. In her book, Lacey wrote: “My orphan heart thought to be loved by someone was for them to save me. I didn’t understand that the only person who can save me is God. My orphan heart thought love was to complete someone else and to be completed by them. I didn’t understand that when two people who aren’t whole try to complete each other they both end up with less than when they started. I didn’t understand that the only one who can make a person whole is God.”
Lacey talked more about this orphan identity in our interview (by the way, I’ve been cut out of the video feed because…if we are being real here…we all just really want to see Lacey, don’t we!?!):
As Lacey says, with an orphan mindset, you feel like a burden on others. You don’t want to burden anyone with your problems so you don’t reach out for help or accept help when it’s offered. We (people in general) have an innate need for community with other people. Our society teaches us to be independent and to make it on our own, but in truth, we need each other. We need someone in our corner…friends or family to be “our people.” We need them to support us, to encourage us when we are down, to celebrate with us when things are good, to listen when we need to talk, to give us wisdom when we don’t see clearly. So, don’t be afraid to make deep connections with people. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you are struggling because you aren’t meant to carry your burdens alone.
Lacey talked about being purposeful with your heart, emotions, and displays of love in her book and in our interview. She points out that if you aren’t purposeful then you risk falling in and out of love, over and over, according to your circumstances, whims, and ignorance. She explains how to be purposeful with your heart:
Lacey says, “There are boundaries for knowing when it’s safe to let your emotions lead you and when it’s time for you to lead them.”
Two of the boundaries she set up for herself to be purposeful with her heart was:
1. Have people in her life who loved her and have people she would listen to no matter what, especially when it came to wisdom regarding relationships.
2. And she wrote down a vision of what she wanted in a husband.
Then she took her vision to God and asked Him to help her so that she would listen when God said, “Not yet,” or “No,” and that way she would know the relationship was safe and she wasn’t just manipulating the situation or tricking herself into thinking it’s good, like she’s done in the past and then been hurt by it.
The one thing Lacey wants someone to take away from reading her book is:
“God is the true love that we are always searching for. And everything that we find that makes our hearts come to life is actually a reflection of who He is. This world is just a shadow of His love for us and so when we get infatuated with some part of His creation, we have to recognize that there is an artist behind it. And when we put all of our stock in a person or anything—a talent, a gift, a calling, something in nature, something beautiful, art—then all of a sudden we’ve stopped short of what we’re going after and that thing will always let us down, if we make it out to be God before we get to God himself. He is the only one who can be God for us.”
In her book, she shares raw, honest, and personal stories that will give you insight into not only her life but your own as well. She also has these letters dispersed throughout the book called, Hero Notes. She has people; such as, Evan Tachoir, Brian Welch, Stephana Mosely, Joshua Sturm, Korey Cooper, and many more. They each write a letter to ‘the reader’ with words of encouragement and wisdom they have learned through their experiences. There is some really good stuff in there!
Connect with Lacey Sturm:
https://www.laceysturm.com/
https://twitter.com/LaceySturm
https://www.instagram.com/officiallaceysturm/
https://www.youtube.com/user/LaceySturm81
IAMMarishika says:
First off, Lacey is such an inspiration and I would be delighted to win one of her books. We all go through situations where sometimes we feel like giving up or that no on is there for us. But its how we overcome those situations that make all the difference. For Lacey to be able to share her story with the world in hopes of helping someone else, it means a lot. I feel like I relate to Lacey on so many levels in terms of how I grew up. I had and still have a skin disorder and I really struggle with my purpose and why I was here. It was God who I leaned on especially through my struggles. It’s a lot and I would totally be honored to recieve one of her books.
Kelly Master says:
I would love to get this book for my 15 year old daughter. Culture is sending some messed up messages to our teen girls and I want my girls to see true identity, true beauty, true love does not look the same way culture is saying it looks.
Marissa Kulig says:
This is incredible. After struggling with many of these things as a teen and now young adult, I love seeing the Hope of God shine through Lacey. I work with teen girls who have been rescued from sex trafficking, and Id love to have a copy to be able to share with them.
Rachel Bruns says:
My sister introduced Flyleaf to me when I was a little girl. I was a little caught off guard because this was a different music genre, but she had made it clear to me that there was more to this band than the genre. My childhood was very difficult and has reflected somewhat throughout my life decisions in my peers and intimate relationships. How unstable my life was, I always found security within music – and Flyleaf was my out. I used to cope in many unhealthy ways, drugs, sex, and self-harm, but music was the one thing that could reach me in a healthy way. Their songs spoke to me on such a deeper level that I wouldn’t be who I am today. By coping through music, I’ve become such a strong, independent woman – I’m proud to say who I am and what I’ve overcome. I would like a copy of this book because I want to understand Lacey and her reasons behind the lyrics and beat. She’s such an inspiring person that I would like to learn more and more about what helped me in my darkest times.
IAMMarishika says:
I thought I commented. I guess it never saved… but first off I would like to thank Lacey for sharing her story. I find her to be very inspirational. I would be delighted to receive her book. I feel like I relate to Lacey on so many levels in terms of her story. I struggle with a skin disorder and I had a hard time finding my purpose, it was something I struggled a really long time with and I had to lean on God. I wanted to give up. We all have our own story and we all go through struggles but it is how we overcome them that make the difference. For Lacey to share how she was able to overcome and share her love for God, that’s amazing to me. It would be an honor to receive a book from her.
Martha Morones says:
I would love to read her book. These times are hard for teenagers now in days. What does society expect from our teens? My son passed on August 30, 2016 due to suicide. I have many questions and I know I won’t find the answers. But it will help me reading what teenagers go through now. I was once a teenager but didn’t see the pressure our teens face now. I would love to read how she overcame her struggles and if there was something I could’ve probably had done for my teenage son.
Gabriel Wigington says:
Great stuff! Grew to love Flyleaf and other bands through Power fm starting several years ago and actually the song Chasm is partly reason for my inspiration in writing my first of 5 from scratch “poetic rhymes” titled “Living H2O” which has strong Biblical context and is something I don’t even know how I wrote it at times when I read it. Im in awe of what God can do with our talents Hes given us when we devote it to His cause and to make a difference in people’s lives! As a holistic wellness, nutrition professional I totally respect anyone like Lacey who has courageous + creativity to be “unique” to speak powerful messages that today’s youth need to hear.
It takes time, effort, & tenacity to do highly creative work although the ripple effect is priceless and so worth it! We need more artists like her.
Dani Doe says:
I love Lacey’s work… she’s honest and talks from the heart… I can relate to a lot of her struggles, looking for love in the wrong places, things, and then finding hope in God. I’d love to win this book to hear all of Lacey’s story and how God gave her hope when she had none.
jessica meza says:
Is a topic that I’m into right know I’m going troughs so much of a heart break and been that I have a daughter who doesn’t look for her and know he is with his girlfriend who he claims to love and want to be with when I haven’t done nothing wrong but to love him and care about him he just can’t see it he so stubborn and wants his own way. I dwould like a this book according that fit to what is going on with me and will help me distract me of what I’m going through trying to keep my depression away.
Andrew Cecil says:
I would love a copy of her book. She is someone who’s music I have enjoyed and her testimony has encouraged me in the middle of some of my struggles.
Kay Armondi says:
I would love to win this book. My granddaughter is struggling with these issues and she loves Lacey. I think she would benefit from reading this book. She has been inpatient and it helped some. I hope to be able to give her this book thanks for the opportunity…Thanks Lacey for helping others…
Dorothy Boyd says:
I would love to win this book because I can relate to some of her struggles. I have lost hope and would love to see how she found her hope again.
Sarah Hulver says:
I would love to read her book. Lacey is honest and true and I admire that in her and her work. The book seems like it will relate to many things that I, myself, will be able to relate to. Also, working as a domestic violence and sexual assault advocate, this will greatly help my clients, as well. Since many of them often find themselves in the position of wanting to be loved but find it in the wrong people, and the wrong things, and the wrong ways.
Kay Armondi says:
I would love to win this book. My granddaughter is struggling with these issues and she loves Lacey. I think she would benefit from reading this book. She has been inpatient and it helped some. I hope to be able to give her this book thanks for the opportunity…Thanks Lacey for helping others…
† Carey Ann says:
Amazing!!! I may be over 30, but I have SO much of this wisdom to learn! Looking forward to reading this!!! Thank you, Lacey! 💙
Sarah says:
My friend needs to read this book’s message. It would help her a lot . That’s why I would want to win her book. To give to my friend.
Jeremy Goodman says:
I would like to win this book because I think it would be a great book for my mom to read and because if I won it I would give it to her so she can read it cause I know she likes Lacey sturm and I think she would like what this book is about.
Bianca Maria says:
Lacey is a lovely woman! Ever since I was little I’ve always admired her and her love for God. She is also a very sweet person! She reached out to me on Instagram and paid me some really sweet compliments.
The Reason was an amazing book, I read it three times, and learned something new each time. It made me cry a few times, and when I shared it with my mom and my best friend, their reactions were the same.
I felt like I connect with the book on a personal level. I was and still am a lot like young Lacey was, but I’m learning and growing and she’s always helped shed light on the good things in life as I’ve grown listening to her music, or observing her story.
I would love to read and own The Mystery, I have no doubt it would be an amazing experience as it was with The Reason. (:
Raissa Z says:
I don’t mind if I don’t win the book, I’m a huge fan of Lacey’s, so of course I’d just go buy it if I didn’t win, but I just wanted to say that she’s been a huge inspiration for me since I was in high school, and I honestly don’t know where I’d be, or if I’d even still be here if I hadn’t discovered her music and herd her story.
Selena J says:
I need this book desperately. I can’t wait to get my hands on it.
I went through a very bad break up in January. I developed anxiety and depression. I’ve experienced self harm and a suicide attempt. For 6 months, I was depressed and stuck in a darkness I couldn’t get out of. If that’s where love leads us, why would I persue it again? Why would I risk putting myself through it again? I wouldn’t wish the heartbreak I experienced on anyone. One week he couldn’t wait to marry him. The next week, I was nothing to him.
That’s love?
Bethany Barnes says:
Lacey is such a wonderful example for so many young girls including myself. I read her first book and throughout the whole book it brought tears to my eyes. I love her story and a lot of the things that I struggle with are what she talks about in this book. Love and relationships have always been something that I constantly have a hard time with and it’s great to see I’m not the only one who feels this way. She is such an inspiration and honestly helps me through so much. It would be an honor to have her book.
Melissa Clifton says:
Lacey has been the most influential person in my life. Her story and music has gotten me through some really dark times in my life. I LOVED her first book, The Reason, and I’d love to get my hands on The Mystery. I already know it’s going to be incredible. The way she writes and shares her story is so real and so inspiring.
Kenzie Richards says:
I love flyleaf, and I especially love Lacey! She gives hope and talks about those things that are hard to talk about! Over the summer I shared my testimony at a conference for the first time! Lacey’s song the reason had been on replay for me in the weeks leading up to this conference and was also what played when I finished speaking! I am so glad to have this song and all of Laceys other works as a reminder that hooe and love are real! As something to help me focus on God when I am falling apart. I love Lacey and would love to read her book and then go on to share it with others because I already know that it is going to be absolutely amazing!!!
Kaitie May says:
I’ve struggled with clinical depression since I was 12. I’ve attempted suicide. I’ve felt like a complete misfit. After reading Lacey’s first book, “The Reason”, I knew this woman was a force to be reckoned with. As someone who struggles with depression, I do wonder if a genuine, Godly love is even real for me. I can’t imagine someone wanting to carry my troubles along side me. I think Lacey’s guidance is exactly what I need.
Kobe Massey says:
I really love Lacey’s work as an artist and a human being. I’ve followed her since she was a part of Flyeaf and I’ve been so happy to see her accomplishments! It’s really inspiring and heart warming! It’d be great to read her second book!
Harmony Coward says:
I just started following Lacey’s story only this summer, but in the few months I’ve known about her and her story she has made a big impact on me. Like Lacey, when I was 15/16 I was suicidal and thought my life did not have a purpose at all. I was born with a heart defect and have had two open heart surgeries when I was little so I’ve always thought it was a mistake that I was born. I came close to commit but as you can tell I never did since im now 18. Unlike like Lacey, it wasn’t God who saved me but my own will to keep going and my hope that one day things will be better. Thanks to Lacey telling her story and her music (that i’ve been playing non-stop for the pass few months) i’ve learned that i’m actually living the impossible and that my life is worth living. Seeing Lacey being happy and have a family despite all the hardships she’s been through give me so much hope in the future that one day my life will look like that. It would be such a honor for me to win one of her books.
Stephen Aquino says:
I like Lacey strum a lot she’s tells me how its ok to be myself and how it’s awesome to say yes I love God and I believe in his word, Lacey and her music given my the power to tell people about God, yes even tho I’m a guy I tell people I love her and she is a Role model to me
Cassidy Rus says:
I would love a copy of her new book. I have most of the Flyleaf albums along with her solo album, Life Scream. Then I have a music book of the original Flyleaf album, her book The Reason, and just last month my friend and I bought the dog tag necklace. Obviously I’ll be fine if I don’t win and just buy if myself.
Samantha Mack says:
I still have the orphan mindset, even after finding the love of my life. I think many of us do, no matter how strong our relationship is with God. I also want a copy of the book to share with others who might not listen to me because I seem to have it all together since I’m engaged.
Hope Nail says:
Personally I would like to thank Lacey for her first book that taught me a lot about God
Ashley says:
Lacey has helped me through so much in life. Her music brings me back to some of the best memories in my life that help me realize just how beautiful life is, to show me how strong I am and that no matter how bad I think things can get there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Sam Rose Enos says:
I think me and Lacey share a lot in common. I remember in her first book, which I borrowed from a friend because I couldn’t get the book she noted in the beginning that her biological father was Native American. As a native young woman I shared this commonality with her and felt like she was like me. I love listening to bands like she does and I struggled with my orientation growing up also. However, I discovered God and share a similar testimony to hers. She is an inspiration of the strong woman of God that I would like to be soon. I still struggle and it’s mostly been loneliness but I continually trust and serve Him as best as I can. I would love to meet her someday and I hope I recieve this next book of hers to learn more 🙂
Hope Nail says:
Personally I would like to thank Lacey for her first book that taught my mother and I immensely about different experiences/relationships people have with Jesus. Her first book gave us comfort in difficult times and reminded us that others had gone and lived through similar tragedies. I’m excited about reading her second book especially since it is mainly about love and that is an area both my mother and I have struggled with all our lives. I hope we can find comfort in this book as well, and learn a few things too. Regardless of whether or not we can win The Mystery, I hope eventually we can afford to buy it one day because money is tight so it’s hard to afford the new little luxuries like books and stuff which is why I chose to try to win her second book in a contest for the both of us. I know this is a book we must read. I’m excited to finally get the chance to possibly read it! I’ve been looking forward to it since it came out. Thanks for the contest, been waiting for this!
Emily Torres says:
I wasn’t saved until last year, my first year of college. It was so hard but I met a Chrisitian fellowship group and it saved my life. God saved my life. I found out what true love was by being in the church life. This year, I’ve had to stay home away from where I went to school and away from the church life. My family believes in God but they don’t pursure Him. That’s been really hard on me. Being away from the body and being here alone at home while going through struggles here at home. I read The Reason from Lacey and I felt like Lacey and I were sitting down fellowshipping together. I know I always have G
od but Laceys book helped me feel less alone in my walk with Christ.
Sel “Starlight” Alv5123 says:
I would love to receive her book. I have been a big fan of Lacey since middle school, and shes been a beautiful inspiration for many people all over the world. I know how it feels to be put into these situations of pain and hurt and betrayal. What’s so hard of going through it is forgiving the one who hurt you. And as it stands I pray to forgive those people for what they have done. But i will never forget the residue left behind by their actions. Relationships of any kind can be seen this way. And being able to know when something is not okay or if something roght or wrong. Such as timing and so on and so forth I believe comes to everyone and when those times come for answers to situations, they will know it and they will feel it. And I believe this book will also possibly to some feel like a sign or answer to themselves and if so they should take the chance.
Breezy Haner says:
Lacey has brought me close to God by her first book I read! I hope to see more of it in her second book! She has truly open my eyes to the love and grace of God!
Helen King says:
I’d love to have a copy of this book. I’ve struggled with depression for a long time. Lacey inspires me and I look forward to reading this.
Ángel Trevino says:
I would love a free copy of this book for many reasons. To have a closer relationship with God and my youth group. Also help my aunt with her cancer and give her motivation. To get my siblings in the good path in life and guide them. Many many reasons I want a free copy plus I love Lacey she’s helped me through a lot in life !
Laura Llorente says:
I have to say that Lacey helped me a lot thought a depression time I had in my life… Every time I hear her testimony reaches into my heart because I felt almost the same… I have not the opportunity of read the first book, but I hope i can read the last one… I feel Lacey is so brave for let God use her pain for help people, help me. I would like have the book for open my vision of what true love is… I was fatherless and I could feel identified by her words like I did more than once… It would be such a good oportunity for make my life best
Sofia Pena says:
I have been a fan of Lacey for quite some time; it all started when I discovered Flyleaf as a pre-teen. Her lyrics have spoken to me many times and I would really like to learn more about her life and hear what she has to say in this book.
Joselin Macedo says:
Hi 🙂 ,I would like to get a copy of Lacey’s book because I’ve been a fan of hers since high school and I would love to read more about her and her story and journey with her life , as I know she has inspired many people on here , I would love to get inspired as well! So excited for her journey throughout music and now her books :).Hope I win one ❤❤❤.
Mitzi Hawkins says:
I must say the 1st 40 yrs of my life has been to say the least very challenging. It’s has been full of pain, anger, deceit, and depression I have had extend highs and extreme lows, but never a happy medium that is what I am learning now but it’s not easy to redefine 40 yrs of bad memories, painful relationships, and a failed marriage that haunts me daily and sometimes consumes me with self doubt and the inability to believe that there is good left in this world, but I push through because it’s what I know I have to do. I would love a copy of this book to read maybe it would help me find my true belief in humanity again. Thank you and God bless you all!!!
Rosmery Segura says:
After following lacey on her journey in flyleaf, I’ve grown to respect her as an artist with her amazing God given talent to not only scream her heart out but to also write music that resonates what most of us feel at many times. It wasn’t until I read her first book that I’ve grown to respect her as a woman of God. Unlike some other artists, she was so openly honest about her struggles and she wrote in a very sensitive manner that can make someone closed like myself think, “finally someone I can relate to”. Lacey not only has the grace and talent to move others and myself, but she inspired me greatly to seek God more and write poetry. It would be an honor to recieve her book!!
Bijan Tara says:
The reason I would like to win the new Lacey Sturm book called The Mystery Finding True Love In A World Of Broken Lovers because I have been a fan of Lacey since she was in Flyleaf and when I read her first book it really hit me and made me feel sad of all the things that happened in her life but as her life went on I started to feel inspired by her and how she went from being low to be high in her strengths and overcoming the different things in her life and it was such an inspiration to read that about her and I love her music and how she is such an amazing person and how strong she is in her life.
Wendy Tricia says:
I would love to win this book. Wit’s hard for me to get a copy at my place here in Malaysia. Then it is hard for me to buy it due to the money currency. Since im a single mother to 7years old son. Money is a big thing for me when it comes to what i would love to havr because i have to think about my responsibilty towarda my son. So yeahhhh. I hope i will win one copy of this book. I love Lacey. Her story inspires me to change my life and i believe theres always hope if we have faith in it . i have to work hard to survive and i really hope that when reading this book will give me an inspiration to love life more and appreciate it. Her testimony always keep me inspires how she live her life. Well i hope you will choose me Thanks . much love from me.
Hannah Vold says:
Wow this book sounds so powerful and applicable to my life. I also have that “orphan heart” as I also grew up without a father. I spent years longing for a man to protect and cherish me…. a longing that God placed in my heart but not for a man…for Him. Laceys Life Screams album has help bring me through the darkest time my marriage has ever (and probably will ever) face. We are getting to be “on the other side ” and are learning to pursue God first and foremost. Thank you Lacey for sharing your experiences; your wisdom. You are a light in this dark world and I hope to be used as you have been in bringing hope to the hopeless. I hope to win your new book and use the knowledge gained to truly find wholeness in Christ alone. @stretchymommy
Diana Lepardo says:
Inspiring stories and words, indeed! What will i say here?hmm…First, i would like to thank God for this woman,Lacey Sturm, for letting me know her life do exist. She has been my inspiration. I never thought God would use her in my life because all i knew back then was she’s just a good singer, having a good lyrics, making screams and being beautiful. BUT God did not stop me from knowing her even more, digging into her lyrics and the meaning of it, and the best part was her testimony on how she survived life, and how she found out about HOPE. I have this suicidal thoughts in my mind and it’s been my struggle but i overcome it by God’s grace. What saddened me most was i witness my brother who committed suicide instead of me. It was the painful part of my life and i was losing hope and the reason to live but then again God’s hand was not too short to reach out for me. Lacey’s first book “The Reason” inspires me even more to live to the fullest. And right now with her second book, i believe she was not just talking about relationships. I believe there’s more about it and i’m so excited to read it because it’s been two years already that i’m struggling of being broken hearted not just with the man i loved but also with my father. I thought being in a relationship with the opposite sex would satisfy and complete me but i was wrong and it broke my heart totally. Until now i can’t move on with that guy and i don’t know why. There are lot of questions hanging in my head and i’m so desperate to know the answers when God permits. Hoping her second book would be a big help to everybody letting them all know that only God can mend a broken heart.:D
sweptaway91 says:
I would like to win Lacey’s new book because she’s been my biggest inspiration since I find out about Flyleaf many years ago. She’s so far my most favourite female singer ever. I love lyrics in her songs and passion in her voice. First book, “The Reason”, was really eye-opening and came to my hands at the perfect moment.
Hilary Romero says:
I would love to win!!! Actually, I just need a little bit of hope, I don’t want to feel used or alone anymore ,I want to feel loved, I would like to know how to feel fine after so many issues life seems to give… Lacey has been an inspiration for me since I heard her story (almost 3 years ago), It gives me hope to think that if she has been through all this stuff and now is fine, then maybe I’ll be fine someday too… though I’m a Christian and go to church everytime I can, there’s something wrong with me, I feel empty, unworthy even ugly most of the time and I try to be as strong as I can but somedays just doesn’t work, actually last Saturday I realized that my boyfriend was cheating on me and now I feel used and so empty because I gave him all of me, My mom is in LA (I’m in Honduras), I have lost my friends and the only person I have to talk is my sister but I stay in silence because I know she struggle sometimes too… :/
Nadine Sandrine Irambona says:
I’d love to win because I look up to her and I’ve been through similar stuff so I feel like she understands me. I’ve learnt so much about God through her.
Amy Cornell says:
Would love a copy of this book. I love how Lacey makes everything so personal and that you can relate with her. I have struggled with depression and feeling worthy of love for a long time. I am married but somedays I still feel alone.
Unbroken426 says:
I would love to win a copy of this book because her struggles are my own. I struggle with having an absent father and seeing God as a father. I really believe this book could help me overcome the rest of my struggles that I have yet to deal with. Thank you for doing this contest! God bless!
Shazia says:
Her story sounds like an interesting read, with sections relatable to many people.