When you feel rejected by people you care about, your self-esteem can take a big hit, especially if it’s a pattern in your life. Over the years, I’ve noticed people reach out to me again and again about some of the most painful types of rejection:
Whatever kind of rejection you’re dealing with right now, I’m here to do my best to encourage you. You can find hope and support. You can find a way forward that is happier than the place you’re in now.
Rejection seems pretty straightforward on the surface. But it can happen in a lot of ways, big and small. Getting clear on what rejection means to you is difficult. It brings up tough feelings and often reminds us of difficult situations. But it can be a valuable way to understand where you’re starting on this journey toward healing your broken heart and feeling better.
It can be tempting to stuff our painful feelings of being rejected down inside ourselves. We might try to ignore them, so we can get back to feeling happy as soon as possible. Or we might try numbing them out with TV, food, drinking, or other things we do to self-soothe.
But the truth of the matter is, we have to acknowledge what hurts. Otherwise, it will just fester, turning into bitterness and resentment over time.
Beyond noticing you feel rejected, perhaps you’ve also struggled with feeling some of these things:
I’m not bringing this up to make you feel worse. But mentioning and understanding our feelings makes them easier to manage, because we can ask for specific support, and we can move forward in a way that makes sense for our feelings and our situation.
Things are going to be very different in the aftermath of rejection. Whether or not you decide to patch things up, your relationship with the person who hurt you will now feel much more distant.
Knowing things will shift and change can help you adjust your expectations. You may not be able to go to that same person, or people close to that person, for the quality time and affirmation you need. That does not mean all hope is lost, but you’ll need a different approach.
Things never change only for the worst, though. There will be new growth and new joy in your life, even after a painful rejection from a friend, family member, or loved one.
You may meet new people, build new relationships, make new friends, and get to know other family members better than you expected to. Any of those new experiences have the potential to bring lots of joy and fun to your life.
Your feelings of rejection might have been compounded by the feeling that this person took up a lot of space in your life and in your heart. Maybe in some ways, it seemed like your sense of happiness was connected to that person.
Of course, nothing and no one can replace a unique relationship in your life. But there are ways to fill that “hole” the person who rejected you left behind.
Doing things, you enjoy and find meaningful is a great start. You can use this time to find what makes you happy and fulfilled, even when there’s no one around to share it with, Things like:
Have brought me a lot of fulfillments during solitary times of my life. Of course, I still love to be around people special to me. But learning to be happy on my own and focusing on my relationship with God who never will reject me meant there was less pressure on the relationships in my life to always fulfill me and never let me down.
Does this experience of rejection have you feeling stuck in the past?
Perhaps it’s the immediate past, where you’re replaying your last conversations before the rejection in your head over and over and wondering what you could have done differently.
Or maybe you’re thinking back over the whole course of the relationship and wishing you could be back in those happier places and times.
Either way, that kind of thinking will leave you feeling emptier and more frustrated after a while. Instead of dwelling in the past, what can you look forward to about the future?
Looking forward to even small things can help us shift our perspective away from the past and make our feelings of rejection easier to manage.
Finding ways to ground yourself can help keep you from getting carried away by painful feelings. You can do this in many different ways, either by yourself or with guidance from someone you trust. Here are some things that might help:
I’ve learned a difficult truth from my years of working as a counselor. Not all parents, childhood friends, and partners are as supportive as we think they should be. Just because someone is family, or is dating you, or has been your friend for years, doesn’t mean they’re who you need to listen to for your self-worth, especially if they’ve hurt you this way.
If friends are constantly rejecting or bringing you down, then they aren’t being true friends. If a romantic relationship is negatively impacting you to this extent, then maybe it’s time to break up. And if some of your family relationships are becoming stressful, you don’t have to rely on them for affirmation or trust them to help you through a difficult time.
Who is someone you can still ask for support? Call them or send them a message to let them know you could use some encouragement. If you see a counselor, make an appointment to meet with them and talk things over.
You can also find affirmation by finding out what God says about you. You are beautiful, dearly loved, and created for a purpose.
Talking to a Hope Coach at TheHopeLine can be a great way to share your feelings with someone who will listen without judgment and give you suggestions for how to move forward. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you know I believe in you, and I believe things will get better.
