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When to Stop Talking to & Pursuing a Girl – 12 Signs

There is value in being fearless and bold in the pursuit of your dreams. But for some guys, their dream is to date the most amazing girl they know to the point they don’t know when to stop pursuing this dream.

So, let’s have an honest look at when it may be time to give up.

How to Stop Pursuing Someone

Signs it May be Time to Stop Pursuing a Girl

In life, persistence often pays off. But when it comes to a guy pursuing a girl, it can be just plain confusing.

Danny wrote: There’s this girl who I really like. But I have no idea whether she likes me or not. Sometimes she acts like she does, but other times she doesn’t. I’m just confused.

Well, Danny – here are some obvious signs that it might be time to move on. But then keep reading for great tips on how to pursue a girl in a more appropriate way.

12 Signs to Move On

  • When she obviously avoids you
  • If you show an interest in her, but she seems to ignore you
  • She acts one way around you, and another way around her friends
  • No longer responds to your calls/texts/emails/snaps
  • She asks you to stop
  • Or tells you you’re coming on too strong
  • Your friends tell you to move on
  • She talks to you about another guy she’s interested in
  • If she seems bothered, irritated or angry at you
  • Your self-esteem starts to suffer for it
  • You start to think you are going crazy about the whole situation
  • If you’re wondering if you should stop pursuing her, it’s probably time.

Skye wrote: People need to use the common sense the good Lord gave them. When something in your head tells you not to do something, don’t do it. You’ll thank yourself later.

Roy wrote: Everyone I knew early on told us it would never work out, but I stayed with her to prove them wrong. In the end, it left me more broken and confused. Had I listened early on I would have saved myself a great deal of trouble and pain.

The most annoying guys are the ones who are convinced they have to be with this one particular girl, even though they might not even really know her. These guys are usually so strongly attracted to something about this girl, that he thinks he’s in love before he even knows her.

Bottom line – if it is taking a lot of effort to get her interested and she is showing no indication she likes you, it is time to back off for both of your sakes.

How to Tell if a Girl Likes You

How Do Girls Show Signs of Interest?

This is one of those times in life where it’s best to just get the awkward part over with. Instead of trying to read “the signs,” go talk to her! Ask her how she feels, and be direct. Is that scary? Yes. Will it help you figure out what you need to know? Also yes.

Waiting around to see if you can interpret her interest level based on eye contact or emojis is a recipe for confusion, hurt feelings, anxiety, and a whoooooooole lot of time spent guessing that could have been spent dating!

There’s a catch, though: you have to accept her answer, whatever it is. If you approach her and ask if she’s interested in you or if she wants to go on a date, and she says “no,” you need to respect that. Don’t think that she said “no” and then continue reading into her body language, wondering if she was really playing hard to get. Take her at her word, give your feelings some time to recover from the rejection, and then start focusing on the good things you have going in your life.

Here are some things you could try saying, texting, or dming if you’re sure you’re ready to know, once and for all, if she’s interested:

“Hey ______, I really like talking to you, so I’m just gonna come right out and ask, would you go on a date with me?”

“I’m nervous, so I’m gonna spit it out—I like you. Do you like me back?”

“How would you feel about dating me? I think it would be really nice.”

“I like you. May I hold your hand?”

Don’t overthink it. You’ve got this.

So how can you pursue a girl in an appropriate way?

Relationships take time to develop. You can’t force your way into someone else’s life.

First, just seek to be friends.

Give yourself time to get to know her. But even more importantly, give her time to get to know you. You deserve someone who is interested in you, as well.

Second, don’t act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are.

That’s a lot of pressure on a girl. She wants someone who is happy and confident in their own right.

Third, show her respect.

Most girls love to be pursued by a guy or viewed as someone special. Most of the time they appreciate a guy’s persistence and confidence. But more than anything, a girl wants to be respected and valued. The more respect you can show as you pursue her, the better.

Fourth, give the chase a rest.

If you stop pursuing her, and give the chase a rest, you might find out the answer you’re looking for. If she’s interested in you, she may try to find out where you’ve been. She might actually become more interested in you, because you’re not trying so hard. But you might also find that she doesn’t care that you’ve stopped pursuing her. That’s a good sign that you were pursuing the wrong girl. It’s probably time to take a break, and hope that you can get to know each other as friends over time.

Fifth, relax.

Be relaxed in your pursuit of your dream girl. Don’t act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are. Keep in mind there are plenty of girls in the world, some of whom will find you attractive and well worth their time.

Sixth, don’t change who you are.

I know you like this girl a lot, but you don’t want a relationship that is this much work. You don’t want to pretend to be someone else just to stay in a relationship. That’s exhausting. You deserve someone who likes you just the way you are! Create healthy boundaries for yourself. Boundaries are emotional markers that clearly define where one person ends, and the other person begins.

Healthy boundaries allow you to be free to be yourself, and not feel like your happiness is dependent on what another person thinks about you.

God created you just the way you are. You are uniquely you with your talents, sense of humor, interests, and style. God designed you with a purpose and has great plans for you. Don’t let a girl ever make you question if you are good enough and if you should change.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Do you put yourself down all the time? Want to stop? Read this checklist of 10 ways to increase your self-esteem for a healthier self-image.

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  5. Nice respond in return of this issue with real arguments and explaining the whole thing about that.

  6. I don’t think this is quite right. Some girls are fragile and if you stop pursuing her she might think you no longer like her. If a guy goes from hot to cold it can be very confusing and hurtful.

    • wouldn’t she already declined, if you went to cold? It’s very annoying when she gives a vague answer, vague to you, but not to other girls, so it’s good to have a female friend.

    • Have that happening to me right now.

    • I did this to a girl. How do I recover from the situation? She still talks to me, but I want to respark that energy she had before I stopped pursuing.

    • life is confusing

      • Actually no u just dont understand it yet

      • I wanna die

    • Guys are more sensitive than we appear. We go from hot to cold to protect ourselves. If we are giving a girl literally every sign we can give without licking her face and peeing on her to mark our territory, and we get nothing in return, then we rightfully so pull back to minimise the damage. It’s 2015, not everything should be on the man’s shoulders. If a guy goes from hot to cold then that is why. It’s not to be hurtful, it’s to protect himself. Because the girl was essentially hurting him.

      • I wholeheartedly agree with this man. Personally, I if I start warm then I don’t go cold unless it follows the pattern of the woman. I understand from a ‘game’ point of view, its not ideal to be so forward with women, but there has to be some reciprocation of interest at some stage. If you are giving all the signs and getting nothing in return, you need to withdraw a bit to minimise the damage to your self esteem. But thats not due to a lack of interest from the man’s perspective, its more often in response to the woman’s lack of interest.

        • fully agree

      • True 100%

      • Almost an-A. There are other reasons, but that is the main reason in the starting off phase. If the relationship is already off the ground, it is already happened, and the guy goes from hot to cold, I would assume he is cheating and/or lost interest. His time is probably being consumed with another girl. I like what you said, James, that spoke to me volumes, hit home.

      • you are spot in. I have now the same thing. I’m really interested in a girl that I met not that long ago (last weekend). I really liked her from the start (both physically and emotionally), but after a few good chats, it’s already dead if I don’t initiated the convo.
        I’m now thinking of going cold because I really don’t feel like getting the cold shower after the effort I put into it without anything in return.

      • To James: I agree! No disrespect to women, but I think too many in today’s time feel entitled to too much! Like you said, men have feelings also, being on,an emotional roller coaster, chasing a woman who doesn’t reciprocate, and being rejected in basically torture mentally and emotionally if the guy really likes or loves her. Men are RIGHT to give up, and go for a woman who gives YOU every sign to FULL SPEED AHEAD! And if the girl that was playing hard to get really cares, then it’s now her turn to chase YOU, and fight for you. Otherwise, I’d say, do not torment yourself chasing her if she keeps turning you away. GIVE UP ON HER. IF SHE LOVES YOU, THEN THAT’S WHAT SHE GETS FOR THINKING IT IS A GAME.

    • Well, I was getting strong signals from this girl. So, I talk to her a couple of days back when she was around her friends and she talks back, although she seemed to be BS-ing about something. I said I’ll show her something on my phone, go to get it and by the time I’m back she’s busy talking to her friend and completely ignores me and doesn’t even get back to me later. I felt so depressed for a day, but I recovered soon, thanks to family, friends and work. Funnily enough, I saw her again today, eying me from a corner and trying to come into my field of view later, but I pretended she didn’t exist. I’m going to hit up on her cute friend soon as well. I’m sick of being treated like dirt when I put myself on the line.

    • Well those guys who go from hot to cold don’t do that for no reason. Usually the girl is the one who’s responsible for the behavioral change because she gave off signals that tells men “I’m not interested in you; go away, weirdo”. When guys get this kind of response, you can’t really blame them. They think you don’t like them, so to minimalize the possible damage and to eliminate any potential future stress and heartbreak, we pull away.
      Can you really blame us?

      • True.

      • Or we just figure their will be another bus in 15 minutes so why get so stressed out worrying about the one you missed.
        There are far more of them then us fellas, pull up your big boy pants and move on to the next one.

        • Are you saying there are far more women then there are men?

          • Pick up on that did You?

    • I had that happened everything worked out for 4 years she first suggested that we should get married i agreed then she did a complete mind change after me agreeing then she just wanted to be friends again i walked away she called me back again then we repeated the process now i really quit.

    • so? if a guy has to resort from going hot to cold. not the guys problem, grow up
      He’s not gonna waste all his time on someone who doesn’t seem interested, nor should he.

    • Nope for me it is right. If a woman is not giving her time to a man she doesn’t like him. By the way a girl that like a man will make time for him because she want to hear from him. If a girl doesn’t show interest to a man and his pursuing her. He is wasting his time.

    • Lucie a guy go hot to cold when a girl is acting to hard to get. I should say her actions is showing less interest to the man. Man feeling” I’m doing this in vain or she wasting my time” types of feeling.

  7. If someone really like you then even after few months she will try to approach u by any means. Don’t chase her after some limit.

  8. Met an amazing girl we talked..really liked each other then she stops talking to me…Am I being paranoid?

    • Nope, you’re not paranoid. She’s either engaged in something she thinks is more worth her time than talking to you, or she’s not interested with you. Either way, you have to move on for your health, time and soul (notice that I didn’t include “pride” there). You probably lost the magic you once had with her.
      Don’t fret, keep your head, and move on. If she’s interested with you, she’s going to ask you about your day, or better yet, talk about hers. But don’t wait for her. She has given you a ticket of not committing to her by ignoring you. Use that ticket, and meet other women.
      I hope though that you haven’t made yourself look needy by, for example, spamming her with “how are you” or “Good night” after she stopped talking to you. I did this, and I got into a conversation with a girl that lasted for at least 4 months, while not making the girl interested in me. I got friendzoned really bad, and I was stupid enough not to recognize that right from the start.

  9. Ive know this woman for about a month we had our first date and it went great she texted right after, I know she’s busy a lot and keeps the weekends open only, Ive had great texts convos with her and she’s even called me handsome and added she was looking forward to seeing me which was suppose to be our first date, She cancelled on me at night before saying she had things she was going thru and needed some time to herself and that shell see me another day? I didn’t go off and made it no big deal but feel discouraged to reach out to her after that, I feel like Ive been putting good effort to get to know her and if she’s interested shell contact me! So do I wait for her to contact me? or do I reach out to her after a week or two if she doesn’t contact me asking how she’s been?

    • Reach out to her a couple days later with a text saying “just had the greatest pumpkin spice latte…thank god it’s fall!” Build an emotion with ur texts and she will def text u back if she is interested in u

    • It’s cray how much this is the same as my situation, the only thing I can tell you is it’s a curse. I meet all of these fantastic, beautiful, successful woman who make it obvious that that they are interested in me. Most of them are actually way to good for me, and yet I feel nothing for them in return. Then I -by some sickening twist of fates heinous humor – find myself reunited with this woman from my past that – even though I
      don’t believe in such a thing – made me realize all those years ago, what people are referring when using the phrase, “love at first sight” and lost all choice in the matter of perusing her. The exact same thing that happened to you, happened to me. The one that I actually have mad feelings for came along, and while she is miles out of my league to say the least, I came really close to getting to take her out, before a last minute cancelation due the exact same excuse you were given. The more I try not to think about her, the more I find myself pining away. Just when I think I can handle it, I have to interact with her at work, engaging in friendly/professional conversation, reminded each time of how great her personality is, how her fashion sense it years ahead of any other woman I know – except perhaps my mom, she’s a snappy dresser – and yes of course, her unrivaled beauty. The only advise I can offer you – even though I have been looking for more than a decade to no avail – is to use this woman as an ideal to strive for. Try and think of that girl who likes you, but you feel nothing for and understand that this is how your hearts desire feels about you. Hang in there, and always be nice and thoughtful if you find yourself having to interact with her. Ultimately, if you care about her the way I care about this lady, you would never want her to feel bad about her decision to keep things plutonic.

    • reach out her a few days later, as a girl, I do not like if I am really busy rejected you once, then you just back off, then It feels like you are not really interested in me, being busy sometimes is really truth or i just need my own time, do not think it is good time to meet. for my case, if I do not have a bit feeling for you, I won’t continue contacting you any more. if you just give up and stop texting or ask her out, she may feel like you are not serious.

      • Makes sense, only, what about when the girl clearly likes some one else, who never did or said anything to try and win her favor, as in: he never had to because the girl liked him from the start. If the guy she liked, happened to ask her out, wouldn’t she jump at the opportunity right away? I am asking for a woman’s perspective here… So like, a guy who she wasn’t particularly interested in, asks her out, or tells her how he feels, and what? – out of pity, she ends up agreeing to go out on a friendly date the second time he asks, after turning him down the first time, you mean to say that it’s not a total waste of time? In regards to the fact; she will never like him the same way as guy she herself liked from the start, and if only he would of asked her out, she would have agreed to the offer the first time without hesitation. Basically what I’m asking is: is it possible that over time, the girl could end up liking some one who she had to think about dating, more than someone she might have fantasized over dating, or simple was infatuated with before ever getting involved with?

      • Girls need to be specific about their interest in a guy I’ve been lied to before about a girls interest in me. I don’t like wasting my time on someone because they have an attention issue.

    • Nooooo! If she has not contacted you she’s really not interested. Make her chase you buy asking, “how you been,” the next time you see her but don’t call!

  10. it is good advice.thaks .I will start do this advice.

  11. it is good advice.thanks .I will do it from now.but also same time some woman have more quality on other.

  12. Ten years pursuing her, she knows, she said that she loves me, but she does not want me to waste my time with her, as if I have not wasted a life waiting. Time to get to say the final word and end this. For the first time I’ll do as she always said, I’ll move on.
    If you are ever trapped in a nightmare, just wake up, nothing is worst than lying to yourself.
    Set yourself free, and let her go…

  13. Well I have my dreamgirl who I used to be friends with until I told her how I feel, before she used to show signs as if she likes me(as most of my closest friends would say) and now she is different, I baked her favourite cake and gave it to her bestfriend just yesterday, she didn’t even accept it.. So your telling me if I stop pursuing her it will be hurtful? .but to the moderator, I don’t want to give up on this girl what can I do?

    • Not the moderator, but I’ll reply anyway. She may have some feelings for you but you’ve likely gone about showing your feelings in an ‘unmanly’ way. What I mean by that is girls don’t respond well to guys who are pushovers and give them gifts randomly. She already knows you and thinks she has you figured out so you’re interest level to her is down. Now you’re giving her gifts, so to her, you’ve lost even more appeal. Don’t give gifts without it being a holiday or something, even then tone it down. Make sure you are still living your own life without her. Another mistake is for guy’s to fawn over the girl and be there too often. You need to regain some of your mystery and your own life. Go on dates with others whether you’re into them or not. If she’s interested, she’ll ask you what you’ve been up to and when you tell her about your life she may or may not show interest. You’ll need to gauge her response honestly.

      • Ouch. Im thinking of trying to keep pursuing my ex gf for another 3 months at best but if she still shows no interest by then or if I meet someone more interesting I will just quit. I dont wanna waste my life as well.

      • she asked me that question like a month ago. friends told me to play it cool and not text alot. did that but i dont think it went any where

        • Willie! Then you go some where!!

      • Engage by saying, ” I’ve been going out with these fabulous girls who really are nice and caring!” Lol

    • Give up bro!!Your brain doing more work than it should! Your trying to hard. These girls these days are really weird and selfish. It’s all about them..

    • I’m a girl and if someone took the time to make me my favourite cake I would definitely go on a date with them and give them a chance. That’s awful she didn’t see how thoughtful you are.

  14. The stars have to align sometimes. you and her both have to be ready for a commitment, and it has to be just right. if it’s not, then it won’t happen

  15. I’ve been chasing this girl for a while, over a year. We spend a lot of time together; texting, sometimes we go on dates. But I want to be more than just friends. She feels it might not work between us, she told me I don’t have to wait for her. But she wants us to still be the same way we are. What should I do in this situation?

    • Over a year? Reckon she enjoyed the cappucinos and what not. Cowboy up, pardner. Find another little darlin’ who wants to be YOUR little darlin’, and meanwhile, tell the young lady who is not into that you wish her well and farewell. And let somebody else buy her drinks, because, at the end of the day, a woman is either into you or she’s not. And she’s not, but no worries, you’ll find a sweetheart who digs you. For a man and a woman to get together, they have to be riding in the same direction. Two people, two horses but one direction, and that’s right, that means together, on the same trail. The young lady who has made it clear that you are in her friend zone is not riding in the same direction, but you will find another woman–or she will find you.

  16. I just don’t like a girl right now am i weird?

    • Yes you like me

  17. Well I have been talking to a girl and we shared a kiss last week and the weekend after she slowly stopped talking to me then told me I’m coming off to strong and she didn’t want to get hurt. I’m so confused on what to do on the matter because I kind of felt like I was coming on to strong lol but is there still a chance do you think that I can still get a relationship out of it?

    • She told you what was up. Relax, back off on the texting, etc. Don’t push her or push for more. You’ve already got the kiss, you’re practically there, so back off and go slow. Ask her on a date a few days into the future but leave it at that. Go out and have a good time but let her go at her pace

  18. You have two options: You make a move or you go looking for someone else. If you opt to make a move, try to be in the moment and only do it if the situation feels right. Don’t over think it or you risk making yourself nervous and ruining your chance. So again, be in the moment and go for what you want.

  19. 10 yrs ? really i wasted about 5-6 months on this girl and thought i wasted a long time , but 10 yrs ? man u made me feel so good

  20. I went on a date with a girl I knew for like 1 hour. We were suppose to just go for lunch but we ended up spending 7 hours together. I went to drive her home and she told me she wanted to do more things she wasn’t ready to go home. We ended up having this amazing connection. We would look into eachother eyes for like 10 seconds and just smile. We ended up kissing and I walked her home. I saw her a few days later and she told me she didn’t want anything else and just wanted to be friends for now. We had this amazing bond! I’m feeling like because we connected so well on our first date after not knowing eachother is she just scarred?
    I’m going to totally back off and not contact her unless she contacts me. For me personally if you have a really strong connection with someone does it really matter how long you’ve known them for?
    My brother said because our connection was so strong so soon maybe she does really like me but has a wall up just incase she gets hurt? What do u think?

  21. I’m talking to this really amazing girl but she’s not really talking to me I feel like I have to start a conversation and she just text back like one or two words what do I do

  22. I really need help i dont know if she loves me or no she shows it one day and then she shows the opposite and days she flirts with me others she avoids me.i think she is my first real love

  23. These things have really happened with me… I cant understand that girl

  24. good points,i every bit of ur perspective

  25. I met this girl at work. We have a lot I’m common. We started off flirting with each other then I told her I liked her and she admitted she liked me just as much. We played xbox every night staying up late talking. I just recently got out of a 5 year relationship and still living with my ex I told her I needed time and she agreed and she was okay with that. 2 days later she had a bf. to this day she still teases me we just had a real deep conversation and it seemed like that spark was back I told her to call me after work and she did we talked. She texted me twice the next day then never responded. Wtf? Am I crazy but I feel like she’s just playing me hardcore

  26. Me and this girl have been dating for a few months now. We have a good time a strong connection, but she has a busy schedule and our communication breaks down from time to time. What do I do? We also don’t share a strong physical connection that also could explain a lot. At this point though she’s been less talkative and I just want to give her space and let her come to me. I just want to know how to address the situation…..

  27. The worst it can happen is that you putting most of the effort and not much matter, of course most girl would love free stuff like dinner and gift. But is a limit how much a guy has to spend and charming the girl before is hit the red line and move on. Guy and girl alike always want some rich handsome or hot opponent chick first. If they can’t find mr or ms right. They start looking in those people in the waiting list or opposite sex friends.

  28. What do I do if I told a girl I liked her but worded it like I was kidding and now she is sometimes avoiding me and sometimes the only thing she wants to do is hang out with me… I’m so confused P.S. How do I get over being scared to talk to her/ask her out

  29. so i was searching for signs if she still loves me or not then i end up being here. can anyone help me? she’s ignoring my texts and calls when she’s mad at me or when i get mad at her and she ends up being mad also even if i tried to avoid the topic that will make her mad.

  30. I used to talk to this girl that I like until my friend told her I like her. Now Ito awkward to even talk to her. Wanted to be the one to tell her and when I tell her wat I like about her she tells me your not the only one to tell me that. I gave her a 2 day break from talking to her want to ask her how she feels about me tomorrow in a quite private area in school how should I approach this situation plz help.

  31. okay question im bestfriends with a girl and have been for omost 6 years now. but she tells me shes in love with me and i tell her that too. but for some reason after we started dateing shes been kinda wierd about things in person she would hug kiss and all that other good stuff. but when shes home i try to be sweet with her and txt her but she only responds with awe. nothing els shes been kind of distant. but the thing is shes been mean about it too. ive already told her if she didint start tryin more i would give up and move on. then shes like okay ill try harder. but then the next day its right back the way it is. my sister says she playin with my heart and really does not care should i listen

  32. I know a girl for a month. We study together in the same university and so meet a lot in bus. I have had a few crush before which came and passed and I was never bothered. But this is an exception. I felt strong attraction towards the girl. I talked to her only a few words here and there for a few days, then I began to madly chase her. I would catch the same bus in which she is travelling and wave her “hi”, she would smile and return with a “hi”. Then 1 week ago we were standing side by side on our bus ride as the bus was crowded and all seats were occupied. We chatted together the whole journey like old friends. She even said that we would continue our conversation later. We chat on facebook where we exchanged numbers. We texted sometimes like “good morning” and “good night”. I show her all the interest to let her know how I feel about her. Life is really good. I don’t look at any other girl and have lost interest totally in other activities like watching TV or movies or videos. She is in my mind all the time from waking up in the morning till the moment I go to sleep, and even she has occupied my dreams. i know I won’t be able to feel the same about any other girl. I love this girl, but I don’t know if she loves me or not. But I don’t even care, when I fell in love with her I didn’t ask her permission or didn’t sign a contract that she has to love me back. We cant help whom we fall in love with. She is very special to me and I will always keep her happy whether be as a lover or just a friend. I love you Love

  33. I liked her first . Then i get her # . So we texted . Then , we became friends . But She liked me that time . She gives signs that she like me . But sometimes , she is getting cold to me . And sometimes she gives an excuse like ” Im gonna eat . brb . and she will not gonna text me . Im so confused if she still likes me or not.

  34. This girl I like used to snapchat me a lot. Like a mean a lot. She gave me 2 high-fives in 5 minutes, and she calls my name from across the hallway. Once, she told me that she was tired, but she was snap chatting her boyfriend, so I asked her who her boyfriend was. She said she didn’t have one, but I think she was talking about me. She asked me for my phone number as well. Now about a month has passed, and she doesn’t talk to me as much anymore. We still walk together in the hallway and talk, but she doesn’t give me high-fives, or call my name across the hall. I am so confused on whether she likes me or not. Could you guys tell me your opinions? Does she still like me after a month has passed? What should I do?

  35. My girl tells me she has feelings for me but she doesnt want to be in a relation

  36. I decided to kill myself after reading this.

  37. I am not on this side.Girl need more time to think of your relationship, sometimes they won’t involve so quickly like guys do, but it does not mean she doesn’t like you, if she date and met with you just few times, being patience and persistence will let her more appreciate and initiate date back. no girl like guy purse herself few days, then start to purse other girl later, it is like this guy has no respect for the girl, as long as he gets what he wants from a girl, no matter who she is. what you need to do is giving her more space, do not be too clingy or too indifferent

  38. This really helped. Thanks

  39. brilliant

  40. Ok , I’ve been searching yahoo answers and all sorts of forums but I’m in this really annoying situation
    This girl has been sat next to be for the past 3 years in almost all my classes (its a teacher chosen seating plan though i wish it was that simple but fates just not like that -_-) but anyway before i asked her out i weighed my options a) she says yes and we already sit next to each other b) she says no and I lose all self esteem and am extremely embarrassed c) she says yes but dumps me soon after and I keep some self esteem but I still get embarrassed , now unfortunately i did ask her out and it went down c , but the thing is it was only 2 weeks in and I was pretty sure i didn’t do anything wrong and even so I wasn’t even forward about most stuff (2 weeks in and having sex didnt seem right to me so i didn’t talk about it with her and was going to leave it for like 3 months or something) but after 2 weeks had ended and the term had finished , as soon as i get into school , bam , i get dumped but there was no reason to it what so ever just im sorry , but 1 year later and we still sit next to each other and its extremely annoying but anyway i catch her staring at me but as soon as i look she looks away , this would be all fine and stuff and i would pursue her assuming she liked me but it was pretty clear (she had 2 boyfriends before this mind , she is single atm though) that she didnt like me , now the annoying thing is i really do like her but other boys flirt with her aswell as me (i think she likes me more and her friends give the odd hint every now and again but that could be me just imagining things with a little bias thrown into the mix) but the main thing is the person she kind of likes or flirts with (idk to be honest) is a big annoying jerk who thinks he’s the boss of everyone (a bully type) however he stays away from me (4 x Amateur Boxing Champion of the south west , so i dont really think he wants to pick a fight with me considering he will get a black eye and broken ribs and will end up humiliated , i dont go looking for fights mind) so i’m wondering WHERE DO I PROCEED FROM HERE i mean this is so annoying for me its not funny anymore

  41. I asked a girl out that I have known for years but haven’t had much to do with her since starting high school. She said no but I want to turn that into a yes later on. The mistake that I knew I had made was asking her out without getting to know her more. So how do I turn that no into a yes

  42. in most cases when a girl keep s acting she wants u then the next day she seems different shes not confused at all shes knows what shes doing just that shes using guess work to figure out what makes u tick or how to make things work. see these ladies we oalways tell them to learn from the right media but they prefer to listen to friends and their imagination on who we are and what we want. the thing is she likes u. that’s it. she want to be with u and she don’t know how to express it. give her a surprise visit…..after all if she truly didn’t like u then u will have solved the problem in one visit and u will move on in this case

  43. I feel your story man,,it sucks big time. its because they are not learned on nothing about what makes men happy. they use guesswork and it hurts us. ladies want to be pursued and it makes them happy. if only they knew when to stop

  44. that is how you do it it is time for us guys to stand up for ourselves and be treated like humans

  45. I have been trying to pursue this girl I met for a month now. She recently moved into the city and seems conservative. But when I chat with her I get mixed responses. Sometimes she also equally involved in the conversation. But many times she sends one liners to my texts. But She also likes my posts on fb. I am yet to ask for her number or ask her out. Should I hang on for few more days or should I give it rest.

  46. If she doesn’t seem to warm up to you, no point in investing energy. Even if a woman does reciprocate your interest, there’s a very good chance it won’t work out anyway and you’ll end up regretting it. Remember how hard you pursued her every time you write out a child-support check.
    Keep this in mind – she’s not always going to be the cute young thing you’re pursuing. Think Brigitte Bardot 1950’s vs Brigitte Bardot since the 80’s.

  47. .What did you do?

    • I think it’s right if a girl show you she care you wouldn’t be be confuse, but when she act like she don’t care probable she didn’t want you. I met to send that to Lucie

  48. Lotta horsey talk…pardner! ..but U did point to this: leave her be until she VIEWS *YoU* as the one she’s set her sights on. OnLy then will he have a direct connect. ….She calls..say hey babe let’s get together at MY PLACE..not supper,?drinks,?movies,?bowling? Nope…it’s ‘touchy-feely’ oh how she MISSED you! Thats IT! anything less is you’re her rebound cause bozo dumped her.

  49. Good job bro!

  50. That’s a good move buddy!

  51. Start finding someone else and then brake it to her that you will have to cut it off and see what happens.

  52. This is where you move on..

    • awwww

  53. This is how I feel right now. I was carpooling with a girl and started developing feelings for her. I am jealous of everyone around her because they get better treatment than I do. This article hits on the right notes but it is difficult for me to not feel some jealousy and resentment because the guy that sits next to me is the guy she gives the most attention. Very difficult gor me to do what this article says but ai will try.

  54. whats the point of giving up on someone you love

    • When the girl doesn’t show any interest, it is best for both if the guy just leaves. We cannot expect every girl to like us. For average man, out of hundreds of women, one woman might show interest. Rest of them, we have to let them go. Doesn’t matter how difficult it is. It is the only right thing to do.

  55. Idk how to put this but I really like this girl that I met this semester and she use to come up to talk to me every single time to start a convo but after I got the courage to talk to her and tell her how I feel she said that we she talk more and get to know each other more than we can go from there well now if I want to talk to her in person or through text I have to start the convo when it was the other way round before but after I got her number she was really interested for the first couple times we texted then I stop texting her for about a week and she like doesn’t want to talk now it’s weird really nice in person and talks to me but just doesn’t want to text me anymore and have convo I think I should move on but I don’t know what to do someone plz help and by the way some of my friends said that I should just ignore for awhile and she if she talks to me first cause she will get Curious why I haven’t texted her

  56. i had the same thing happen to me. i been talking to this girl for 6 months..we became very good friends then…we became more than friends but it was all on the phone since she is in another country. i can say that i truly care for her and she did at some point. i tried to be very romantic and she liked it … but then she started changing when i asked whats going on? she say that i like to fight too much. asking those kinds of question and that notting was happening.. but she changed and everytime, was worse. to the point that we barely talk. and when we do she says she cares about me. but i dont feel that way. i asked her if she was atracted to me she said “i dont know” the funny thing is 2 month early we talking of moving together….(sorry for my gramar english is my 3rd tongue.

  57. Thanks guys, I find that ignoring her makes her more interested, but she doesn’t actively do anything about it, so I’m not going to change my stance. Sadly enough, the heart wants what it wants and I’m still dealing with the “loss” privately. We talked once later (it was more of a hobby related context since she’s an expert on the subject) but I kept it curt and professional and haven’t talked since (it’s been more than a month). I’ve kept busy focusing on other activities, although seeing her now and then still burns me, so I’m planning on rearranging my schedule so i never have to bump into her again. Won’t lie, this is harder to do than it is to write about.

    • But of course, the shaming begins in a highly feminist society. Don’t have the “balls”, “man up” without being labeled a creeper, harasser or a loser.

    • Let me see if I got this straight. She ignored u once when she was talking to her friends so u are acting like it’s the end between u two? She’s probably looking at u wondering what’s wrong with u. Are u depressed or something? I say what do u have to lose. Man do talk to this girl. How do u expect to get better with women if u don’t give yourself any experience? Get to know her a little. Find out what she likes then ask her out.

  58. So there’s this girl that I really like a lot. And we get along pretty well in private or over texts, but she acts like I’m hardly her friend when we are around other people. It’s really confusing.

  59. I’m ha ing this problem. When we first broke up I thought maybe that was just it. So I let her vo but she started showing signs of interest so I persued her too hard because I never wanted to lose her in the first place. That ended with “stop trying to contact me”. So I did eventually and a few years later I was in town visiting a friend and she saw me and showed so much interest she nearly ran me over. But I was so paralyzed by fear of displeasing her again I didnt speak much but I did respond to her. We sat at her house for about an hour almost without word and that was the best I’ve ever fealt in my life. She moved near me and put my arm around her. After the silence I left town. Now I chased her again, of course after she told me to stop again, and now she blocked my facebook and changed her picture to her kissing her new boyfriend. What do I do. Leaving her seems impossible.

    • And I thought I had it bad! This girls sounds like very bad news. My advice to you is to cut all ties with her immediately. Don’t see her. Don’t talk to her. Don’t text. Don’t FB. Just drop off the face of the planet. And if she comes fishing for you, do not respond no matter how tempting. Read the Greek mythology about “Ulysses”. You are not Ulysses. Do not even hear her siren call. Stay away.
      Now after you’ve done that, read all you can about “teases”, or “girl teases”. Read read read all the literature, even if it’s redundant. Read until its burned into your brain.
      This may seem difficult to do, but you need to regain your ability to think clearly. I’ve pursued a girl for about a year, only to be dropped. I found out in the process that she enjoys leading men on and dropping them. The longer she leads on, the worse it feels for you, and the more joy she gets out of it.
      You need to see the signs of what a tease is, so you can avoid them, or know how to deal with them. My advice, is to avoid them as much as you can, and with this girl, avoid her forever.

  60. In the para “So how can a guy know when he’s supposed to stop pursuing a girl?” that every mentioned point happened to me. Your suggestions really did worth to me a lot.. that suggestions helped me to make a fresh start of myself..

  61. Talked to a girl for a few days, asked her out to a not so ordinary date which would’ve been fun. I have received no response thus far. Not going to pursue because we are in college and have taken a few classes together and I do not want to come off the wrong way. I will admit to having a crush, but sometimes you just gotta to move on. But hey if a girl sees that you’re not clingy, that might just be the golden ticket. The reverse is equally possible but you should never go head over heels for a girl that you barely know. I’ve been there and done that and learning from previous experiences. But if you don’t want to play games, make sure there isn’t one to be played. Being yourself and denying the temptation to jump into the deep end is much better than the alternative.

  62. so me and this girl were really close and over summer i tried contacting her but she never responded so this really made depressed but i started thinking that there are other girls out there so i stopped pursuing

  63. I’ve had a crush on this girl for 8 years and she’s only noticed and been friends with me for like 4, 2 years ago she said she really liked me and thought the same way about me as I did to her. But she acts the same way and has a boyfriend and she sees me and him as equal priority and now I’m depressed because I look at my girlfriend and think of her, I listen to music and the same thing happens it’s like she’s always on my mind and I’m to shy to tell her how I feel. What do I do

  64. Listen to this man talk, ladies. Preach.

  65. I don’t think it’s right because there’s this girl I’ve been talking to for about a week we kicked it off good we held couple good conversations we’ve talked heavily texting calling meeting up she kissed me first for a few days then she hits me with I don’t know what I want or I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship and I don’t feel like I can give a hundred percent but she still wants to talk she doesn’t text me as much or call me at all I’m usually the one that tries to start a conversation so what the hell does that mean because I’m really interested in this girl and she’s everything I’ve been looking for we have a date set up for this weekend I don’t know if I should keep pursuing her or just say see you later but I’m really into her can someone help

  66. I need a head up. there is this girl I like sometimes she show she care but sometime I just don’t understand her. Before she even told me how much she want to be in my arm to hug me and me to squeeze her and to kiss her. sometimes I text her, I was texting with to 2 or 3 sentence she reply: yeah, wha, oh, really mhmm. We don’t text that much. If a question get happy she would reply in 3 sentence or more. That get me mad. When I talk to her face to face she respond the same way she did before as usual. some other times she act like she didn’t see me. Another time she would give me that eye like she was saying: “you weird” or interesting. another time she look at me like she’s thinking should “I give him a chance or not give him a chance”. One day her Ipad was broken I fix It for her she gave me her password I saw in a text a guy ask her: Do you have a bae a boyfriend or someone you like? she reply “nope, all the guys around here are monkeys and weird but, you seem to be cool”. I was shocked, she even ask question to know more about the guy but the guy respond yeah, oh, really like he was not interested. I still act normal after giving her her Ipad back but I change after seeing that to “not love a girl with my heart but with my head instead”. I had gave her a special gift for her birthday a box with a headband, earrings, Bracelet and a ring with her favorite color on them all. I fix the Ipad and gave her the gifts for her birthday. She didn’t even jump in delight to see what I got her she was only asking me what is inside. She got home she did even text me to say Thank you. Later on was rehearsal at a church I saw her sitting I was walking to the left side in the church. Her head was straight forward but she turn her eyes to the corner left to look at me. Then I ask her what she think about the gift, she said I like then all. I saw that she wear one of the gift I gave her, the headband. She was texting a friend on kik instead of me. Now she wear one of the gift I’m shocked and Suprised at the same time. I saw on kik she made a picture wearing all but never a answer from her texting me. I feel like giving up in go check out other females. The lesson I learned is THE GUY THAT CARE TO MUCH ABOUT A GIRL IS THE ONE THAT GET HURT, BUT THE ONE TREATING HER LIKE TRASH IS THE ONE SHE RUN AFTER. I’m thinking about acting normal, don’t show her I’m mad. I’m goig to say “Hi” to her and smile, but the conversation stop there. I hate to be confused and hurt. ANY IDEAS PEOPLE.

  67. She is awesome. We have a one year friendly relationship over chatting in FB. She is intelligent, beautiful, but kind of bizarre or unemotional. She is unlike many other girls. She sometimes act like she is impressed by me and very much interested too. I also show her very much care, sympathy, respect and admiration to her. But sometimes she shrewdly avoids me! Though both of us know that something is brewing in between us, but no one admits it. Rather we chat as friends or nobody. We were being more intimate in our talks in last month. But suddenly now, for last one week, she is deliberately ignoring me! I also am waiting for her to reply that unseen message in FB. But not being impatient in the fear of messing it up. Today she posted a photo in which was written- “I wish I had a Delete button in my life to delete somebody, some memories, some feelings!”
    What it means? It’s really being very much painful for me. What should I do?

  68. Thank you. Made me realize to back off and let her go.

    • 3 years later, still unable to figure out how to talk to a girl… Gone bald already… Wish I had learnt some flirting skills while I was young. Guess I am too old for this dating game. Better luck in my next birth.

  69. Dude she is giving u a hallpass. U could be having a good time with her and another girl. Make her see i are desired by other women. That usually hota them hard on the face and they will react by chasing u or dumping u is a win for u that way u know how she felt about u. And i u are not having sex with her kick her out the curv. I feel bad for what i read here.

  70. What if she doesn’t show these signs you listed above, what if she enjoys your company and loves spending time with you, and shows she misses you when you disappear. But she said no when you asked her out? Should you move on?.

    • Romantically? Yes. What you have in this situation is a very dear friend, nothing more.

  71. That’s right. It’s 2015. You need stop being a little boy, grow up and be a man. Face it. Time to toughen up buttercup! Yes men have feelings too but it is manly to take the bull by the horns, it shows you have balls and can face any situation around the relationship not just in persuing her. And in her mind that’s what she needs. Somone who can nurture her, protect her, respect her and be her hero amongst many other things. You see women love anticipation more than the destination. Men love the destination more than the anticipation. So if you pull away you could quite possibly be throwing away the love of your life. But of course do this with moderation, be her friend. Read the signs and always respect her, and her wishes. Forget about friend zoning nonsense.

    • No, that’s called creeper, harasser and rape. It will never apply if such guy happens to be a David Gandy, it is THEN that he needs the “balls and horns” in an entitled opportunity. At least in the U.S., social culture is extremely disproportionate.

      • No. If u truly love someone never ever give uo unless you fall for other boys/girls…then that means you liked that person either because u find them attractive,wanted a relationship, and u give up easily becus all you want is a relationship and not sweet “”love. Thats actually me…i really love the girl that goes my church but she likes someone else so one day I would like to experience a miracle. And make her fall for me. But always have a back up plan in case you wait to long n it never came to past u cud move on swiftly

    • I have been in this relationship for a year. I know I was so hard always shouting insulting abusing.. But I finally have changed and she knows. She doesn’t call anymorw… She doesn’t exercise patience and gentleness again.. She insults me several times. We broke up and made up several times…I asked her several times if she is seeing someone else. She will say no. Sometimes she gets angry I asked. So I decided not to think of the heart break. I decide to give distance.. If she doesn’t call I won’t call.. And she started showing little care but still I think she is seeing someone wlse.

      • Women test you to the end of your days.The best thing is to be upfront with a girl you like – tell her you like her face to face as a man.Never go after a girl who overwhelms you.You will LOSE. State your claim get contacts and move on.Its the guy who DOES NOT CARE WHO GETS THE GIRL.Its time for you to move ON.Stop clinging to a girl who treats you that way.Find someone else.There is no girl important enough to tolerate that way.Meet other girls and widen your horizons, dont imprison yourself..women are looking for men not boys, even though a great deal of them will suffer from the instinctive decisions they make pursuing manly men who may cheat or abuse them..it is however fact that being a boy does not cut it.It is only the exceptional woman who has time to really analyse a guy for all he is worth…but mainly it is women who have been hurt by manly men……..

    • Come out and state his position.If the girl fronts , ignore her and act indifferent.Never pursue a girl if she has has put you on ice.Only pursue a girl you have great chemistry with and make laugh effortlessly-that is the only time you chase a woman.She will love it.Do not become a girls poodle.The hero who makes love to the girl is a dark horse , not a pliable poodle.At the end of the day what one just needs to do is to be positive about themselves , dress well, groom themselves well, wear well fitting cloths have some style and look good and eat healthy.When you have a positive self image that will radiate, and the girls will like your style and your positivity and humour.Ultimately its about you not really the girl.A girl must be mesmerised by you not the other way round.She must believe in you, you must not be the one seeking acceptance.A woman is looking for a hero not a dwarf……dont be an emotional and effeminate man..women will stop respecting you.Self confidence is attractive, have many female friends…befriend the cute girls and the other girls will like you…positivity radiates….ultimately have a goal and chase it, the girls will chase you.You can lose a lot of money and things by trying to prove your worth to a girl…..

      • Spot on

      • Exactly!

      • I had posted a reply to you before and I’m not sure I read your post correctly or I was meaning to reply to someone else. After reading your post just now I have to say your words have struck a tone with me. I agree you should have a woman chasing you but you took it even further. You may have just woken me up. Thanks

      • Salute to your comment sir.

  72. i fancied a woman in my work for over 4 years and told her one day how i felt, we texted not that often, we chat in work and over the last few years she went through a lot of crap with her ex, so to make her feel better about herself in the past ive sent her flowers, purchased expensive gifts and and asked her 6 times but one night she got drunk and made a pass at our boss who is married

  73. So why not reply back to the guy with something like, “hey, sorry about that, I was really busy…” If you don’t, then most guys won’t think you are serious either. I understand the roles women and men play during the dating game, but sometimes giving a guy some feedback is helpful and can make us like you more.

    • this needs more likes. if you don’t reply back to the guy saying you’re sorry, it paints the picture in our heads that you aren’t interested or just plain disrespecting the guy’s time.

  74. Ask yourself this question, how hard would it be to be hanging out with her AND her boyfriend? What if the two start to display affections?
    Would you be happy that she found that special someone that is NOT you? If you are, then sure, be her friend. But, if you will feel hurtful, just move on, immediately and abruptly is probably better than gradual.

  75. So how many months? Give us a figure.
    Also, why don’t girls just come out and say that? “Hey I like you, but I’m not ready for a relationship right now, I really need to think things through.” If the guy isn’t a complete loser, he’ll get that you need your space and respect you even more for your honesty. If the guy takes that as a rejection, well what’s new? Nothing changes but that you saved him from wasting his time.

  76. It feels like you have a hard time carrying on a light conversation. Most guys eventually end up peppering a girl with nosy questions about herself just to keep a conversation going. I’ve been guilty of it as well. No one wants to be interrogated, or judged for what they did. And sometimes being curious about a person can feel like that to the other person.
    If the girl is insecure, if the girl is poor, if the girl is not reflective of her life, the more the girl does not like nosy personal questions. We can get into why this is so, but for now, you have a valuable piece of information you can use.
    I suggest searching about how to be a good conversationalist. There are plenty of youtube videos that can help you.

  77. This is tough. My impression is that she did like you at some point. When you didn’t respond to her text, she took that as a minor insult. It’s not enough of an insult to cut you off, but just enough to adjust her relationship with you in terms of text. I would just ask her what is wrong and apologize. But, you know have a bit of information to use. She doesn’t take accidental slights lightly, nor does she tell you about them.

  78. This is interesting stuff here. Might I ask for a follow up or an addendum? That is, how do you stop the pursuit? Most guys just cut her off completely, and I’m guilty of that. But is that the best way? And is that the best way for every girl?
    I came across this page because I was misled for a year by a tease. She reveled in leading guys on, having them fall for her in a form of presents, love letters, poems or some other foolish thing, and then she’d punt them to the side. I know this because she’d privately let me in on her conquests, telling me, almost gloating to me about how she got a guy to give her presents. She would never take presents tho. This turns out to be an effective way to keep them guessing. She would then put the guy to the side and classify them as chump.
    I thought to myself, I’m different in that she lets me in on her modis operandi, but there will be a time when she does it to me. And she did. Boy does it hurt. I figure it will take twice as long as the pursuit time to get over her completely.
    I hope in my case you don’t say I need to man up and be there for her as a friend. That’s what alot of these chumps do and it just makes her gleeful to see the defeated souls who know they’ve been defeated but keep clinging on for hope. Again, she’s made me privy to her modus operandi.
    So, anyways, I think with teases, at least in my case, the proper, manly thing to do is to cut them off completely.

  79. I’m pursuing a woman with kids! I’ve been out of the game for a long time. I’ve been honest,respectful,rational of her situation and just offered her someone she can rely and trust. I’ve meet her kids and been out with them a couple of times but sometime she is just mean . I just don’t see myself with here but then I can’t get out of my mind she all I think about I can’t eat sleep or think!!!!!

  80. I think i will keep going like mas until notice some trouble with the law is on my agenda. Keep trying or die, i choose keep trying because i am better than her.

  81. That’s the smartest thing to do in situations like these.

  82. My gf broke up with me because she said she was stressed out over school, we still talked all the time and she says she still loves me and that we may have a future together. I love her with all my heart, I’d do anything for her, my friends say I should move on bit they don’t understand how I feel. I want to be with her but at the same time I don’t want to chase her and make myself seem clingy in any way. She says she’s been busy lately so we haven’t talked as much, we hardly talk now cause she’s so busy. I don’t know if I should do my best to move on or to wait for her. I want to be with her but I feel like the longer I wait the more I’m gonna get hurt.
    If anyone has any good advice I’d love to hear it cause right now I’m stuck trying to figure out what to do.

    • Sorry man. Chances are another guy swooped in and took her attention from you. Most women have multiple men attempting to talk to them at any given time and if she’s attracted to one or interested at all she’s gone. Modern day women have overtaken men when it comes to dating and relationships. Basically realized they have more power in their pants than men and are using it.

  83. Hi Guys. Help me with this… I’ve met this girl a few weeks back. We started chatting and we’ve met up again this weekend… and went away to some sort of lodge.. Now that its a new year and were both back at work. We dont text or talk as much. I will send her a whatsapp and sees that se reads it and will be online hours after i sended a message but she will only reply me after some time. Do i need to let go on this girl or should i also ignore her???

  84. It looks like she’s not much interested, or she wants you to chase her. Either way you should ignore her until she realize that she has to make some effort too. If she does not respond after while, than she wasn’t much interested in the first place, and there’s no point for you to try anything.

  85. I have never dated anyone, but I have had my share of rejection. At school, there was this person who thought it would be funny to toy with my feelings. At the time, I had a anxiety disorder and a personality disorder that caused me to be mistrustful of others. She came to my neighbourhood and flirted, when I worked up the courage to approach her, she tore me down, and convinced her friends that I was stalking her. I had a nervous breakdown. That was five years ago. When a girl shows interest, especially one I am attracted to, I feel very cynical towards them.

  86. Would you kindly add that guys should stop persuing girls if they clarify they are already happy in their current relationship? This article assumes the woman is single. However, some people do not seem to be deterred by other people’s relationships at all. Or assume they are being dishonest about not being single, even though that is irrelevant.

  87. You’re trying way too hard. U need some mystery.

  88. Seems bothered, irritated or angry at you – check
    When your self-esteem starts to suffer for it – check
    When you start to think you are going crazy about the whole situation – check
    The above 3 are absolutely correct. I’m in a situation right now where the girl I like at work doesn’t reciprocate. I can’t even talk to her about anything without getting my head ripped off, yet she’s happy for other men to go up and talk with her and laugh. That first statement above has made me decide that I will have nothing to do with this girl any longer. Now I see her as beneath me and not worth talking to. How can I like someone who treats me the way she does? And when she does eventually have to talk to me about anything, I’ll give her a taste of her own medicine by showing that she is irritating me and that she’s bothering me. I get on well with most people and enjoy helping anyone and I shouldn’t be letting my self-esteem suffer over an immature little girl who probably has nothing to offer anyone anyway.

  89. This is from my personal experience, and I can usually tell if she’s on her phone the whole time we’re talking. It’s really just rude and a clear sign she’s not interested. I also learned a bunch of other signals she isn’t feeling any attraction.

  90. The same thing happened to me. It was 3 years ago. I’m still feeling hurt mentally. I met her at my school. She would flirt with me, smile at me, stare at me, and should would even help me with my homework. I started to grow feelings for her. I found out behind my back she said I was a creep and a rapist. Now I don’t trust women even if a they show interest.

  91. Your right. I really liked this girl in my class. I gave her all the signs to know I really do. First day we text was cool but the next day she stopped replying. That’s sad

  92. In my opinion never. that is so long as you like her.

  93. The word guy doesn’t mean boy. It means person.

  94. so a girl i met… randomly happens to be good friends with my ex’s good friend. went on a date everything went great. texted after then it went cold. couple days. later she told me a lied to her about some stuff… turns out her friend told her a bunch of bs. I like her, but should I just let it go?

  95. So this girl I’m talking to told me I’m everything she loves in a guy, and we were going great until her ex tried coming back in her life, she’s moved on but just doesn’t feel right cause they had a thing for 3 years and I’ve only been talking to her for maybe 3 months, she told me she isnt giving me her best because she is confused on her feelings, because the ex thing, she said I do like you but sometimes I like like you and other times it’s like a homie like you, she hardly flirts with me anymore but we still do and every time we’re on facetime(we’re long distance but I’m moving by her in a couple months) we just sit there and stare into each other eyes and pause and just start smiling, I don’t know what to do should I give up on her or ?

  96. i’ve been chasing this girl for over 3 years now, we’ve dated twice, and broke up twice. after that i gave her a break for a few months, and now i constantly remind her how much i still feel for her and how much i care, she says she knows, and understands, but says she doesn’t think she can handle a relationship and even tells me she cannot promise she won’t end up with another man… somebody please help me…

  97. I have this one girl who like me and she always tell her friends I am her boyfriend but then the next minute she avoids me like the plague I dont understand why some girls are hot the next and the cold the next it been happening to me since I graduated from high school it always been this she all over you then as you tried to make your move,she blows you off like you are a piece of trash in high school girls were all over me always but then as I moved to college these woman play games with you I don’t know why they do that but this site helped me a lot I am gonna avoid these girls from on this other girl she always smiles at me but when I feel the same way,she avoids me like I was a beggar walking like a queen bee with her girlfriends this other girl she. Stares at me then the next she treats me like a beggar,then she starts smiling at me almost like she knew I existed all this time maybe I should just take this girl.there needs to be a book about understanding woman.

  98. There is this girl I really like, and I do not think she likes me back. A few years back, I kinda stopped talking to her because of it. Is it wrong to do that?

    • If it was a few years back, then don’t worry about it. Odds are, she moved on. A lot happens in a year

  99. Ok

  100. Hi, I would like to join the discussion, as I’m currently experiencing this.
    I have this woman I really like, and an unexpected scenario came wherein I have to confess to know something.
    She’s speechless by my confession but in the end rejected me because she’s facing a problem that time, as mentioned by her.
    She says she wants to stay as whatever relationship we got. We still chat through social sites and eventually ended up texting. I tried texting her as if I didn’t get rejected, tried prolonging our convos and always the one bringing a subject to discuss, and she’s just replying whatever I ask without opening another subject. She even reply typical Short replies like ‘He he’ or ‘Ha Ha’ as if wanting to end our convos.
    I always greet her in the morning and evening but sometimes she wont reply. A times when she won’t reply to me during our convos.
    Lastly, she’s good at avoiding me in social site, when she’s online and I just got online, she will sign off a few minutes later.
    But, there are one time wherein she’s the one who texted me and says goodnight when I didn’t text her(due to unforeseen events), and holding unto this until now.
    Question is, will I pursue my love interest for her(which I’m confused whether okay or not for her), or will I let this feelings fade(that way she won’t be going offline every time I go online and won’t be oblige to reply to my text)?
    P.S. I really like this woman not only for the sake of dating and being girlfriend -boyfriend thing but like as in I want to marry her.

  101. i have been liking this girl for long now and im in love.. last year i told her though facebook that i like her but she said she doesn’t like me back..now again.. we started talking but she says she only wants to be friends….but i love her..being a friend is not enough 🙁 i am in deep love

  102. There’s this girl I like, but she shows no signs of liking me back. As a matter of fact, she seems generally uninterested in me. I’ve known her for a couple of years. I keep giving her signs that I like her, I’ve even asked her on a date. She said she was busy, but then smiled and said that she would another time when she wasn’t. I’m confused. What do I do in this situation?

  103. Hi,
    I need some advice with a girl that I really like, I have been talking/hanging with her for about 2 months already. Everything started at a business party, we had a chat for about 10 minutes, but she had to leave early because she was going on vacation the next day. That same night after she left, her friend approached me and told me to text her because she liked me. That same night after the party, I texted her and we started talking. Everything was going smooth, we were getting along and everything. She seemed really interested, we talked every day during her vacation for around two weeks. She came back and we started to hang out and everything was perfect, she was really interested. She asked me out a couple of times, we would talk pretty much every day, she would hit me up all the time; even when I did not. We would laugh together at everything, nothing forced, everything came out smoothly. Everything was going perfect, until a week ago when I messed up during one of our dates. I got mad for the stupidest thing ever, she paid the bill at this restaurant without telling me and I got mad at her. I even gave her the silent treatment on our way back to her house (she got mad at me, even though she said she wasn’t, when she got out of my car she slammed the door). Since that day she has been distant, she even told me she didn’t want a relationship or anything like that. She has reached out back though, we even talk at least 3/4 times a week, but she has changed a lot since that day. (I am kind of her client, which makes it even harder since I have to see her every two weeks or so. For example I have to see her tomorrow) When she sees me it looks like she stills like me, she gets shy and stuff like that. I don’t know what to do, I am not chasing her though!! I stop hitting her up when she started acting distant. However, we still talk every 2 days or something. What should I do? I mean I really like her, but I don’t know if I should just let her go, or just go with the flow when she texts me and maybe ask her out again? Even though she told that she liked talking to me and hanging, but did not want a relationship. If I didn’t mess up and she started acting like that I would just let her go and just don’t think about, but since everything changed the same exact day I messed up, I am stuck in this dilemma. I would really appreciate if you could help me figure this out.
    Thank you so much

    • Apologize for getting mad but don’t do it profusely. Don’t chase her (it sounds like you’re not doing that anyway), when you talk to her avoid drama and only focus on having a good time and lastly be there for her if she wants/needs to talk but have boundaries. Don’t be a “surrogate” boyfriend, just be her friend and focus on you. She may come around after some time or she may not.
      Hope this helps, let us know how it goes.

  104. I think I agree with the penultimate paragraph in this write up and I’m gonna adopt that. This girl takes my call anytime, replies my texts, even agrees to my date invites yet she said she’s not interested. I find this really confusing. So obviously I’m gonna just agree to the fact that she’s that way cos I show her so much emotion and interest.

  105. So, I’ve gone on 2 dates with this girl from Match. When we first started talking, I had to wait 3 weeks to go on a date with her because her mom was in town from another country. Which I was completely fine with, she doesn’t get to spend a lot of time with her. So I encouraged her to wait till she went back to her country before we saw each other.
    After she went home, we had our first date. It went extremely well, we even kissed a few times….not just a peck on the cheek either. Maybe we moved to fast, but I couldn’t help it…I had developed a crush in the 3 weeks I waited, and I think she did too. We were all over each other.
    Our 2nd date was the next weekend after….and again, we were all over each other. We kissed a lot. I started to really develop some feelings twords her. Then one day before work she texted me saying that she had exchanged phone numbers with another guy on Match. Again, I was fine with it (its not like we were officially a couple), and I get it….she wants to date around to make sure she is making the right choice. Again….completely fine with it. However, I tried to make plans with her to see her next weekend (not this weekend….for obvious reasons) but I really like her, and I wanted to see her as much as I could so I could get to know her better.
    We even made plans to go to the beach on the last weekend on this month. But I didn’t want to wait an entire month to see her again. (especially since I already waited 3 weeks to even have our first date)
    I was on the phone with her tonight, and we had made plans to see each other the next weekend. Then not even a minute after I get off the phone with her, she texts me saying that she had already made plans to spend time with her ex sister in law. (Now I’m starting to get the feeling that she isn’t interested in me anymore….I’m even questioning the fact that its even her ex sister in law that she is really seeing). She suggested that we just make plans to see each other the last weekend of the month.
    I want to talk to her about this, because I am not cool with it. She seriously expects me to wait 4 weeks (an entire month) to see her again? I’m getting the feeling that she isn’t interested in me anymore. Should I just let it go and not talk to her anymore? just to see if she even tries to reach out to me?

  106. Patience more than persistence might be the key. Never get hooked on one girl, realize many fish in the ocean. Be a good man, and genuine. Accept rejection as opportunity to keep exploring. I believe you should not suffocate. Do not get angry. Do not be a jerk. Do not disrespect her even if she disrespects you. Be a man, not more immature than the girl you’re chasing or talking to; if you are still doing this, no kidding, you are being rejected: as well you should be.

  107. hey, everyone ive been following your advices and ive been looking around if i get some clear answers to my quarries.. which can really help at the crucial moment..

  108. Heres the thing… if she is interested she will continue to talk. Its not “giving the cold shoulder” its PREVENTING YOURSELF FROM WASTING MORE TIME WITH SOMEBODY WHO ISNT INTO YOU. If you had a week to live.. would you waste it trying to talk to her?
    Also talking is for dates… txt, call, fb, and so on are only for planning dates.

  109. Spot on Bro

  110. Try harder dude. You have to ignite the spark…create opportunities to chat and be natural a jovial but don’t over do it…

  111. Spot on….the girl may have insecurity issues that may be a problem later.It makes no good sense to endlessly pursue someone.That is just too much hard work and it is draining.Its like worshiping an idol.I was once told that a good girl is hard to get ..its bull.This is how guys end up as orbitors working hard to boost someones ego.A guy needs to present his case confidently.Make eye contact if she is interested she will signal back or signal shyness…you man up and speak look out for signs , twirling of hair , exposing of the neck , smiling ..ask her her name first..if she is interested in you she will ask for yours and speak.If she gives one word answers , she is not interested.Never try to bribe a girl to like you, she will lose respect for you deep down.Dont make one girl your target..circulate.In my experience I approached this very beautiful girl (who I put on a pedestal) she slammed me execution style, with deadly precision and great immediacy….however a girl I had been interested in prior reached out to me and the rest became history (I never pursued her like a fool).When I saw the other girl I was in top form, happy and very confident..I could see her in my peripheral vision trying to get my attention…probably trying to turn me into some ‘useful” dork.I am sure she is completely confused she was holding all the cards and I just decided to stop playing the game.It is degrading to pursue a girl to no end.These girls all know what they are doing when they are wasting our time.In over pursuing someone you are blocking out other girls who deserve your attention……..

  112. Hey i really love this girl but her friends say she doesn’t like me and she did to but in a wierd way

  113. I been knowing this girl since i was 5 im 20 now our families were natrally close but i went thru a period of 8-9 years of not seeing this girl. When i did see her by coincidence it was my lil cousins birthday she showed real interest in me and we talked and went out socially but always ended up together for the night. One day she invites me to a kickback i get there on my own she hadnt arrived yet. Finally when she did she had two guys with her, no biggie im not the jelous type but she hugged most of her guy friends to me it was a simple hey. As the night went on more of her guy friends showed up she would only talk to them but she would ignore me but i was having too much fun to notice/care but here and there id look over and id catch her starring at me while her guy friends worked their “magic” in the end she ended up leaving saying bye to me but to the rest she hugged. Good thing was once she left i hit it off with a girl and she offered to give me a ride i took it but i was not interested in this girl. Im confused she invites me to go i said ok but she ignores me most of the night?

  114. exactly what i needed to hear, thanks bro this instantly ended my heartbreak. confidence is key

  115. Whoever you are my brother you saved my life;emotions,soul,esteem,spirit.Youre a hero

  116. Thats whats happening to me right now,i think some women think that to show her youre serious you should now be the puppet,follow her endlessly,if u dont communicate first she will also not say anything,so today as i write this i have decided i am not going to text her,if i hit 3 days with nothing from her i delete her number

  117. bro,disappear from her life,completely

  118. I feel like improving myself to the be the best of my ability after the two years bs ive been through she has been a part of my life just have to accept it and move on even though it is hard

  119. I started chatting with a girl through a dating site. Gave her my number. We texted for about an hour. Then she told me there where 2 other guys she’s also interested in. I sent her 1 hello text the next day. I WILL NOT initiate another contact with her.

  120. what about guys?

  121. Recently I stated my feelings to my female friend. To my surprise she said she thinks about me every day. She said we have become very close. She said she cares about me and was falling in love with me. I held her in my arms kissed her on the lips and afterwards she said “we probably shouldn’t be doing this.”
    I’m like huh? She just got done telling me she thought about me every day, said we’ve become close, was falling in love with me but we shouldn’t kiss? I don’t know if she is just stringing me along or what?
    A few weeks ago I spent time with her as friends and the next morning she calls to talk and said “I shouldn’t put this out there but last night I wanted to push you down on the couch, lay on top of you and cuddle.”
    We’ve been long time friends but have started hanging out more one on one the past month. She initiates phone contact 80% of the time but I’m wondering if this is only happening because she doesn’t have any female friends, is bored and I’m just a convenience to her?
    I don’t want to play games but do I start ignoring her phone calls and return them a day or two later? We only see each other every other weekend so I really can’t make her miss me other than cutting back on our daily phone conversations. This is so confusing. I don’t want to walk away from a friendship, but I also do not like this uncertainty or find out one day she is seeing another guy.

    • It sounds like you have a really good friendship and that you are both having romantic feelings for each other. The best thing in any relationship is to communicate with each other. Great relationships are built on trust and honesty. You can’t read each others’ minds, so you have to talk it out and listen to each other. We have a free eBook about dating – two important sections you might want to read are “Take it slow” and “Show respect.” https://info.thehopeline.com/relationships-dating

    • How did this play out? I hope u talked to her about your concerns and she was able to calm your fears.

  122. Thank you

  123. Immediately, if not sooner.
    If he knows what’s good for him.

  124. I stop as soon as there is a restraining order.

  125. One of my friends told me about a guy with me at work. He added me on fb, he is very shy. He wanted to start as friends to get to know each other better, then a bad event happened which stopped him to talk or even take any step. Its been almost 9 months since this issue. I dont see him talking any step, he told my friend that he has big issues with his family, he wants to finish this headache first and then go into a serious discussion about the relationship. The idea is that I get attached, I dont know him, he is not even start any conversation on fb or anything. He sometimes like some of my posts and sometimes no. My friend asked him if he is interested or not. He said yes but a lot of issues is taking place and I dont want to get into something serious with half head.
    Is this true? Or Im trying to convenience myself? Is he really interested or he lost interest? Im really hurt and upset.

  126. I’m in a pickle, met a girl we got on really well, tells me she crazy about me and i her, couple weeks later shes on tinder and forgets about me, uses me for attention etc until ultimately we fall out. She made contact again apologizing for everything etc we become friends, i still have feeling for her, she meets a new guy and keeps him secret from me for a while, breaks up with him then gets back with her long term ex she has kids with, i came on abit strong as i really like this girl and ruined my chances, she still considers me one of her best friends and she is mine to but i cant shake this hurting feelings that i want to be with her and she doesnt want me, im doing my best to suppress it but it hurts alot…. i dont want to lose her as a friend as we get on really well and i love her company but this constant feeling of needing her is getting in the way.

  127. I badly want to stop yet I still badly want to talk to her.
    My feelings for her is like a disease disrupting my whole system.
    I just adore this girl so much.
    But she wont respond to my chats and even when I am talking to her I cant keep the conversation going cause I becoming conscious of everything so I forget all of the the things that I want to tell her and the things that I was planning to tell her and I just look at her face when she talks, look at her eyes, lips, nose, her imperfections. I know from the start that I will crash and burn and a lot have tried but they all failed but still I am hoping that someday, somehow my feelings will reach her.
    They said that she was kind of weird.
    But my God for me she’s just perfect.
    Tony will surely die.
    Ciao.

    • First of all she is not perfect. I can sympathize however because that was like me several years ago. I thought the same way about a girl until she betrayed me in the worst way by seeing another guy. I began to look for her flaws and when I found there were many I moved on and found someone so much better and we are now married. You can do better. I speak from experience.

      • It happens to the best of us, but if you still want her I’d suggest self independence
        It’ll make you better who cares if she still don’t work out you’ll have bettered yourself further than you imagined. Every time requirement is different, but most will say self isolation from “chasing” girls for 60 to 90 days… if you do that you’ll need a new hobby and past time, best to make it something productive such as working out, weightlifting running and whatever hobby interest you. Don’t return to your old demons until you’ve become equipped with undying faith in self confidence/ worth/ independence/ and true inner strength… then you’ll truly see your very world change before your eyes

  128. Maybe a stupid question/reply but I recently reached out to a girl I used to go to school with on messenger. She opened up somewhat and we had a pretty good rapport going. I felt good, couple days later I send her another funny video. No response from her. Idk if she’s afraid, uninterested etc. Part of me wants to reach out again as I don’t know enough about her and/or if she’s waiting for me to continue communicating 🤔 Another part just wants to say whatever and forget her. Wish people would just be upfront to eliminate the guesswork in dating.

    • You’re definitely a character Dominic, and you seem pretty laid back, if you haven’t said too much/ spam, I’d suggest pursuing her ounce more just be relaxed and comforting when you do it, you can’t go wrong with humor… everybody loves humor, and try to find out what gets her grind on… what makes her tick in a good way. See if she can open up to you. End the end the best advise I ever heard was be yourself, bc you are who you are, and I am who I am

  129. fell in love with a co worker. been pursuing her for 3mos now. but in that short period of time i already cried a lot. she has a lot of personal problems. shes even restricted by her family to date. so i keep distance when were going out or if were just walking in the streets. she still talks about her ex when were together. im 22 and shes my first love. even if she rejected me many times before but i still keep on going. sometimes i cant help but feel that shes just accustomed to me being there for her. calls me if she needs something. but after that itll take time for her to reply to my messages. ive done so many decisions that harmed my work and myself. everything for her sake. not blaming her though. but a little appreciation would be nice. she shows affection sometimes. and hold i on to that. i am sane right now and i know that i need to stop. but if i see her again i know that ill think otherwise. shes like a drug thats killing me and im aware of it. i just cant stop

    • I fell in love with a client, she has MS which only manifests as fatigue. I was taking out and about in the community. We became friends and I started doing a few private jobs for her. I felt I could fix all her problems. I bottled the feelings and eventually it surfaced and I email a mushy email. She took offense and felt uncomfortable with me. She said that her previous relationship has masses her head up and she still healing from it. I haven’t texted since and I lost her as a client. I have been sending her the odd gift probably once a month. I will send her some flowers near her birthday just stating friendship. I regret loosing her completely. I may visit in a few months, with some flowers and ask her how she is.
      I guess I fear meeting her and her being angry.
      I am trying to hard

    • Keep your distance. Make her miss you. Don’t chase her. Try to think abundance mentality. Good Luck

  130. So i had a crush on this girl for a long time but never said anything..
    And she never noticed me we never talked either..
    Then one day my friend told her that i like her..she noticed for the first time..but then started ignoring me…
    And when i pushed a bit she complained to her mother about me..but she herself said nothing..even now i have not talked to her..i still love her..when she noticed me it actually felt like we could work out..nicely..but did not happen . I still have a chance to make it happen…dont i?

    • Bro just be smoothe, it takes practice, and usually to say “love” someone should usually take at least a month in my opinion. If she’s talking to her mom best be careful. Respect but acknowledge her. It also sounds like maybe you haven’t quite reached out enough… try to hold a conversation don’t ask to many questions if you feel she is being pressured to respond. Just talk to her like a normal person no different from anyone, like your mother for example. Try to make her smile then laugh. Ex: I bet you’ve had to put up with idiots like me all day huh? Or make fun of yourself a little. Never show too much emotion or reaction to anything, act like the hardcore player whose been there and done that

    • Sorry, no. You’re way of thinking is not heathy. Move on to someone that respects and wants to be with you.

  131. She was my student. I started talking to her. First she used to avoid me totally.
    Then later she started to converse. I also realized she no more calls me “Sir”.
    We never talk about study things or university things. In the earlier days of conversation she mentioned she felt scared of me.
    However she doesn’t initiate conversation at all. I am the initiator always. She says she is reserved and shy.
    If I dont talk, she wont ask me anything. She also thought I am arrogant. She thought i know about everything.
    She laughs at my silly jokes, shares her personal stuff about her marriage concerns,
    how she wants her life to be. Marriage scares her. And even mentions that if she likes someone,
    she will never let the person know, rather person should figure out and send a marriage proposal.
    By the way she never asks questions about me. She responds to everything I ask or comment on with a good mood.
    Now I dont know how to go about it.
    Please guide.

    • Just my 2 cents:
      If she never asks questions about you, to me it’s a huge red flag. If a girl is interested she WILL ask you a lot of questions. The conversation should be 50/50 in questions, not your case, 100% you only.
      Maybe you guys should share some more daily stuffs..it is easier for her to message you what she is having for dinner today than thinking of a topic to start a conversation.
      She can be either super shy or see you as a really cool teacher that turns out is not mean and pretty chill. In my opinion, it’s the 2nd half.
      You can either build on that friendship and see where it goes, or just say you like her lol. I agree with one of the points of the article: you need to stop “chasing”, especially if you’re the one initiating all the time.

    • Women with high interest…. Help you. They don’t issue ongoing indirect mixed messages. Cya!

  132. Had a female friend for over40 years she started seeing me every few days flirting showing huge interest I became romanticly interested asked her for a relationship she said I just want to be friends she was chasing me I don’t understand and am hurt

    • Say goodbye, non-verbally.

  133. When you go to kiss her for the first time and she gives you the back of her head you might as well not bother going on. Or when she friendzones you. I’ve had terrible luck with women my whole life and when they come out with that crap about wanting to only be friends, you might as well just say bye and don’t look back. It’s a lousy deal, but that’s the way it goes.

  134. I’ve been talking to this girl for about 3-4 months. I’ve known her for just about 2 years now. Our dates have been progressing and are more consistent in time. The problem is the first 2-3 days after a date or get together she won’t talk at all. We generally use Snapchat to talk and it goes 15+ hours before she opens my messages sometimes and I don’t perceive her as a busy girl so I ruled that out. We are moderately sexually active but just the way she is treating our relationship seems like a “friends with benefits” type. I truly like her and we always have a good laugh but I don’t know how to let her go or if I should. She always brings up our friendship and that shit but I never see her with any other guys.
    Looking through other comments I realized that she generally doesn’t ask questions, and she acts different when she is with me, my friends, and her friends. I feel very confused and frustrated and times. I wouldn’t like to let her go but if that’s what I need to stay mentally healthy and not “try and figure things out” I will.
    She is coming over Saturday and I will let you fellas what happens and what I decide. Please give suggestions and what I can do and how to help with moving on if that’s what i decide to do.

  135. Well I met this girl through a friend and we’ve been hanging out and iv gotten to know her for a month now and we both talk and flirt at times should I tell her how I feel or wait a little while I don’t really know

  136. People advise me to keep trying … keep falling down and being kicked in the heart by women I thought cared about me … but keep trying, they say. As a severely introverted man, I am completely invisible to women, and to get them to even acknowledge my existence takes all the energy I have – and then they reject me, literally every one I’ve ever tried to get to know. You will – as others have – no doubt, tell me that I’m doing something wrong – that this is my fault. The fact is, men have to compete for women’s attention against other men and guys like me stand zero chance against other guys who *can* be confident around women, because to become confident, a guy needs positive experience. I have zero experience because no woman has ever said yes to me. Women are not interested in me – and there is no evidence to the contrary.

    • You may be punching to high. More than likely, you are overlooking women who aren’t conventionally beautiful (and also not unattractive), but who, if you wouldn’t be so superficial, are the most beautiful women on the inside that you would ever have the pleasure of meeting. You may want to try to get honest about your own looks, the way you dress, what your conversation consists of, and whether or not you are coming off as desperate. And yes, you absolutely need to have confidence and that comes from inner work on yourself. Good luck. There is someone out there for you, you just sound like you’re looking in all the wrong places.

    • Some of the most confident people in the world have zero positive experiences to stand on. You just gotta not care what people think of you. Granted accept the signs that she is giving you and move on if they’re all negative. Confidence is having the ability to know that you deserve to be treated the best and if she’s giving you no signs then its her loss. Beauty is all subjective. Some girls like blonde dudes, some like brunettes. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Be the best that you can be and make self improvements everyday. Get a cool hairstyle, workout, find a skill to improve. Work hard at something so you can be proud and build this confidence. Even at the end of the day just remember God made you amazing even if you don’t think so. Getting girls is a skill. Practice! Practice! Practice! Its all a numbers game you just gotta not get hurt if you get rejected. Seriously, next girl you’re attracted to go up and talk to her. Even if you screw up you’re getting better for next time. I found a 10 percent success rate after approaching 10 girls, just cold approaches no context to help me whatsoever. That girl is now my girlfriend. Pray to God ! Seriously definitely helped me. Good Luck !

      • I have many close woman friends, dress very stylishly, get an haircut every 2 weeks, go to a gym 4 times per week, hold 2 PhDs, have a high paying job in a great profession and own 3 residential properties outright (I live in one and rent two) where I live, as well two vacation properties (also debt-free). “[Y]ou just gotta not get hurt if you get rejected,” you say. The fact is, for me – I will be rejected every time because other guys are attractive (nothing to do with looks – they just are), so women are interested in them. I am fundamentally unattractive no matter what I do so I will never be chosen by any woman irrespective of her physical appearance. As such, There is no point in me approaching any woman because rejection is always guaranteed.

        • So as a third party outside observer (which is all any of us here can be), I see a lot of similarities between your personality/temperament/self-esteem and my own. It’s sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy and there’s a lot of confirmation bias at play when your expectation and perception (whether fair or not) is simply rejection at every turn. I’m more guilty of this than most so don’t mean it in any offensive way whatsoever. But realistically if you’ve resigned yourself to the idea that you are “fundamentally unattractive” no matter what you do, you’re only going to see validation of that belief because it’s what you’re expecting and looking for. This is something I struggle with a bunch and point to factors like never having a relationship or someone take interest in me as confirmation of that belief. I think a lot of the problem inherent in that mindset is this underlying belief/fear that real happiness will only come from external sources (namely another person) and that finding the right person is all that really matters. This is probably not what you want to hear, but maybe instead of the hollow “keep trying” advice you are frustrated with receiving, just take a step away from “trying” so hard and focus on other things for a bit. Personally, I got to a point where I was so myopically and centrally focused on trying to find someone else to be happy and chasing after something that seemed so elusive and look for others for my own self-validation or to prove to myself that I could be good enough for someone else that I became really depressed and missed out on life and a lot of great things around me for a long time. I neglected friendships, self-care, etc. and lost a lot of things that I didn’t realize were important because I was so worried about finding something else. Take a look at the first half of your last response and realize while it might not be everything you want or have dreamed about having, you actually have quite a lot of positive things going for you that you should be very proud of and happy about. Maybe for a little while, focus on these things and find happiness, purpose, and confidence in these things, instead of chasing the things you don’t (yet) have. I happen to think it will work itself out one day as it was intended, but there’s no real point in stressing over it endlessly to the point that it makes you doubt yourself or feel down about your chances. For the most part, people are attracted to happiness. And women are especially perceptive in picking up on other’s energy or “vibe” or whatever you want to call it. Starting a relationship in order to find happiness or validation never ends well because it never begins well. Thinking about it or obsessing and stressing over it won’t make things change (what’s the saying, a watched pot never boils?) and no matter how amazing or special someone may be, your own happiness and self-worth shouldn’t be so deeply linked or dependent upon one person’s acceptance. The only acceptance you really need from someone is from yourself first and foremost. If you want advice other than “keep trying,” the only person here that really gets you and can help you is yourself. It’s easier said than done and probably not what you want to hear, but just be yourself and focus on the other areas of life that give you meaning, purpose, and happiness. Invest in your work, make even more plans with the friends you have (who knows maybe something unexpected could blossom from one of those friendships one day but likely not if it’s forced or premeditated). Find something else that you enjoy (a sports league or community service, etc.) and invest in those things (or at least make sure you don’t neglect them like I did to the point that you lose them). There are very few things we can control so focus on those things for the time being and maybe life will surprise you one day. That’s really all I can offer you, but what do I know lol I’m just some random college student on the internet who’s never dated anyone so take it for what it’s worth and good luck! I’m rooting for you and hope it all works out!

  137. Thank you for sharing

  138. The time to stop pursuing a girl is before you even start. Seriously, why possible benefit could there be to being in a relationship with a woman? And don’t talk to them – there’s no point.

  139. Thank you, I needed this.

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