Amelia asked, “I’ve been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he’s great, but I just feel like I’m not good enough for him. I’m 19, he’s 21, and he’s perfect, but I always feel like I’m being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I’m just not good for him. He says that’s not true, but I can’t get past the feeling that he’s too good for me. It’s starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?”
I think there are a couple of issues going on here.
First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn’t. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It’s great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.
Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.
But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you’re not aware of them right now.
I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.
It’s important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don’t feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there’s a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.
So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.
Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:
Braden asked, “Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?”
The short answer to your question is no.
Girls don’t usually say, “Oh, it’s Tuesday, I think I’ll break up with my boyfriend today.” It’s usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.
Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it’s because there’s someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She’s probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.
We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.
Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I’d encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you’ll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.
There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don’t let this girl’s lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.
Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul
amanda says:
Hi I am that person who is seeing a lovely guy he is funny caring and we have good times together ? But my mind keeps saying he to good for me and I am just waiting for him to drop me he has more convenient then me and thats got to do with how I was was treated by my ex . When I am with him I am so me and don’t think about anything then when I am not I think it’s going to come when he drops me don’t know how to get passed it .
lil' sunshine says:
Never think you’re too good for someone. Everyone is made up the same way. We’re all human! There are bound to be flaws in him. And u hv to see other things besides him. Get some othr interests as well. Try to focus on the happy side of this:)
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TheHopeLine Team says:
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DaniRea says:
I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 2 years now. I am 19 and he is 20. I fell pregnant with our son after being with him a little over a month. (Didn’t sleep together until a month went past, and in the first week we did I fell pregnant) at the beginning our relationship was amazing before we got together and for a little while after, we decided to live together to spend more time together and get to know eachother more. This was during the best parts of the relationship. He proposed to me, but a short while later I asked him why and he mentioned part of the reason was because I was pregnant. I gave the ring, we hardly knew eachother back. I know it was so soon to have a baby together, but I couldn’t stand the idea of adoption or abortion.
Our relationship (for me) hasn’t turned out how I expected. He was everything I ever wanted in a partner, but suddenly he stopped pursuing me and trying. The affection and emotion seemed to have just gone, most days I feel really sad and wonder why. I don’t think I’m good enough for him still though. Because I know how much of a great guy he can be. He does a lot for our son and me, but the romace isn’t there. Hardly any hugs, kisses or just well.. Contact. We hardly talk, he works nights so we hardly sleep in the same bed anymore, as he sleeps during the day. While I take care of our son. We don’t do anything as a family. I want to so bad, I have a problem with crowds and going out on my own and always ask if he would come out with me. But his too tired. His hidden things from me and lied. It breaks my heart, I love him. I can’t leave him. I don’t want to leave him, I just want the old him back. (We have spoken about this) but it doesn’t go anywhere. I’ve told him I’m unhappy, I don’t even know what to do, he is too good for me. I can’t give him anything, but he works and looks after us. I don’t know how to make him happy, or what to do to want to spend more time with us (instead of relaxing, watching tv etc) outside as a family. Is it me wanting too much for him to be who he was when we met? The first day we spend together just the two of us, we walked about until 3am just..talking. Right there and then I felt so strongly for him. He walked me home and we said good night. These days, I can’t even get him to take our son to the park for half an hour. I know he is tired but our son is 1 next month. And we have hardly taken him out as a family. I always thought when I had my own family we would go out every weekend even just to the park (which is a 5minute walk)
TheHopeLine Team says:
DaniRea, Thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds like you would really benefit from having an email mentor to continue talking to about your relationship. You can sign up for one on our “Get Help” page or download our new app to chat, listen to the show, get encouraged and sign up for and email mentor there as well at http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp
Maddi says:
I get asked out by cute boys, and this scares me because I feel like the ugliest person in the world. Sometimes when people want to date me I say no because just standing next to them makes me feel like crap. I feel like a waste.
Maddi says:
It’s hard to be calm and not cry, especially when your in the middle of class but I need to tell someone. I want to die, but I can’t, I want to cry but I can’t and I want to scream how I really feel to people but I don’t even feel good enough to breathe. I have no self confidence and no REAL friends, I feel so alone and broken. My parents don’t understand, my siblings don’t understand and it seems like even if I were dead no one would really care. I’m covered in scars that won’t go away no matter how hard I pray to a god I’m not even sure exists. I’m just done with life but I don’t have the balls to do anything. I feel like a big fat ugly stain on everyone’s shirt. I’m tired all the time, I’m always sad even when I’m happy. I don’t know how to make myself better…i feel so ugly.
Sandy says:
Maddi the exact same thing happened to me when I was 19. I was at the top of my form , then I met my horrible ex now I’m 21 and 40pounds fatter 🙁 I will advise u to take care of urself, don’t do foolish things because this will get better and u WILL find better friends. I’m so SO much more happier now. You just need to have some faith and patience, and don’t bother about stupid people!
Jordan Jeynes Lyons says:
Hi I have been dating my girlfriend for 8 months now but we have been though a lot and the while relationship guys have popped up and start saying things to her like what they wanna do to her but they are gone. but now cause she does cheer their is a guy that has been causing problems with me and my girlfriend and he is trying to break me and her up i asked her to stop talking to her but she wont listen and she just sees him as someone harmless but due to everything before this i am just so worried and i am scared im going to lose her what should i do 🙁
noah says:
I dont know if youre still reading this or if the situation is changed, but honestly if she doesnt respect your feelings about the situation then you shouldnt be with her, relationships are about communication, trust and respect if you guys cant talk about it then theres a more serious problem.
Roop says:
Hello! Um I’m 19 and my bf is 21 .. We used to be friends earlier but from past couple of months we’ve officially entered into a relationship. It’s been great for a month or two but since then I don’t know something just doesn’t seem right. We rarely talk and whenever we do there’s just no sign of affection in it. I mean I know he loves just the same but he doesn’t show it. And now I’ve started to think do I not look good enough anymore. Am I not compatible with him. This is also because… well he’s hot and tall and I’m I guess average looking and short 🙁 He doesn’t compliments even once and that really discourages me.
Any advice please?
Joe says:
You’re the female you have the “goods” be a tease show him what he’s missing, there must’ve been a little “clingyness” going on also you both are very young and indecisive. My advice would be to chill out don’t get so worked up over it because you know what? This guy may-be tall and hot but you might actually meet a “short cute guy” if you could look past the appearance and appreciate eachothers lives for what they are. Hope that helped a little bit
Megan says:
Hello 🙂 I’m 34 and my boyfriend of 3 months is 38. We’re both pretty busy people, he works A LOT and I have a 9yr old child. When we first met he wasn’t expecting that a relationship would form, but it did and it’s been great. He tells me how much he likes me, he says that everything feels right and easy between us, BUT! he’s in a crossroads in his life in regards to his career and feels that he needs to figure out his direction before he can continue to pursue this relationship (or a relationship) any further. He needs things to slow down and is asking that I be patient, although he has said that if I’m unhappy that he’s not asking me to stay, but that he’s also not asking me to go. He’s been open and honest about telling me how much “committment” he’s able to give me at this particular time. I don’t fear that he’s cheating on me
or being unfaithful, however; I do feel a bit let down and question where I fit in his life, if at all. He’s been so busy with work and projects and life in general, that we’ve only been seeing each other 1 day a week. We do talk daily, either on the phone or text, but lately I’ve been having this feeling of not being good enough and it’s making me sad. I guess I believe that if you really want someone, or something, you’ll do whatever you need to do to get it? I might be overthinking all of this and allowing my fears of my past get the best of me? I don’t want to accidently sabotage something that might be good, but for the past few days I have been contemplating if I should respectfully remove myself from this relationship and give him the space he clearly needs to figure out his currently life situation? Or is that possibly being too dramatic? I’m beginning to fall in love with this man (although he doesn’t know) and losing him scares me because I do believe that him and I can have something wonderful, but right now I just feel a little bit sad and unclear as to what to do? Please help!
liane says:
I think that deep down your instincts are telling you that this man isn’t as interested as you’d like him to be. Or possibly as he once was. You say you believe that if you really want someone you’ll do anything to get it. I agree with you. If I really want to be with someone I’ll do my best to spend time with them.
My situation is very much like yours, similar age too. I was seeing a man for about three months. At first he couldn’t get enough of me, to the point where it even annoyed me, but it calmed down gradually until one day i realized some things,that he isn’t texting me as much in the mornings, that although we hasn’t seen one another for four weeks due to one thing and another, he’d made no effort to see me. I was the one who ended up pushing to meet up. It turned out to be our last meeting. I sensed something different straight away between us and as I left that evening I knew I wouldn’t be coming back. Yet it still shocked me and upset me when days later he ended it, saying he clearly isn’t good enough, blah blah. He told me he fancied me, finds me attractive and likes me. Yet he wanted to end it. Makes no sense does it. If you like someone and fancy them you don’t dump them! I know he felt bad about ending it, he apologized the day after, he often text me to see how I am and just general texts.
So what went wrong. I guess he was infatuated at the beginning then lost interest. I’m just glad I didn’t try to cling on to him and even now I won’t text him first. This is what he wants. This is what he’s got.
april says:
My partner left me because were I live and he was new to the area but I’m not we been to gether before and he left because he didn’t no any one and his panic attacks but we message but not as much as we used to but he loves me n I love him what do I do
Zan says:
I’m 17 and the guy I like is 18 and I really like him and he really likes me and he’s amazing in so many ways but I’m just so scared that one day I won’t be good enough and I’ll just break and he won’t be there for me…and I might relapse
ivette_espinosa says:
Ive been with my boyfriend 10 months we have been living together 7 months. We have talked about our future and he tells me he loves me.But he also has said his not in love with me but wants a future with me. I dont know if being in love is a big difference but I do know that being the love of his life means alot. He also said he has not yet found the love of his life but believes that maybe in the future he will feel different about me. I dont know if thats a big deal knowing that he wants a healthy relationship with me but i just feel thats the love of your life is not a decision we make it comes from the heart, it just doesn’t appear 2,3 or 20 years from now you just know from the beginning.
Mike N Brittany says:
My girlfriend said I’m not worth her.. I’m never mean to her I been with her for 4 years :-/
siam says:
hey i have been feeling the same lately its been almost 10 months me and my bf have been together.But its difficult to digest the fact that am actually good enough for him.He does tell me that all these just negative thoughts am dwelling on and just drops off the topic;but its difficult to stop myself from thinking all this.This feeling is affecting our relationship.and i have no idea what to do .please help…!!!
Jonathan says:
I need help, yes I am a guy, anyway, I have this problem with girls and the “friend zone” where my best friend is sleeping with them just a few days later, I can’t help but feel like I’m just not anywhere good enough FOR ANYONE! Is there something wrong, I mean I think I’m funny, charming, and at most average looking. I’m tired of looking at my friend always cuddled up next to a girl
anel says:
HI this guy at school always teases me playfully and he tried to touch me “accidently” but lately he has been avoiding doing such things, does he want me to show him affection as well?
michelle says:
Uh this is my hubbys phone i wanna ask we were talking about who is the most important persons in his life and he said theres only 2 and i asked him who getting exited thinking he would choose me and then he tells me his father and his brother then i asked him what about me and he sai no im the third important person in his life does that mean a bad thing were maried for almost 6 months now please i need advise
Yani C. says:
To be honest, before you guys were married that may have been acceptable but because you guys are now married, you are to be number one and more important than others. It’s a covenant that you share and being married you forsaken all others no matter who it is. There’s God, Then your spouse and everyone else comes in after that. His priorities may be a little messed up , but those are the people he are used to putting first. Marriage as is life is a learning process and it takes time to understand what marriage is all about. You are to come before anyone and he is to be as well., you stood before God and a pastor and said I do. That’s the day that you chose to put one another first for the rest of your lives to death do you part.
-A.M.P.C
Christina says:
Me and my boyfriend are one year but due to my low self-esteem and being insecure so much i think that he feels he can find someone better defiantly because im younger than him … i dont think i am giving him enough
abbie says:
What do u do if u lied to ur bf to make it look like ur good enough for him? I’ve been with my bf for over a month and I lied about playing sport bc he is so active and I didnt wanna seem lazy. I know I should tell him but I am so afraid of losing him. He means so much to me but I know hes to good for me. Please hope line I really need ur help. I came on here when I was having suicidal thoughts and u stopped that so please this website really does work and right now u should b patting ur self on the back for saving so many lives including mine. Thanks again x
Jessica says:
Hello, I’m going to get personal since its kind of anonymous. My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years, but I still feel like I’m not good enough for him and that he is always comparing me to other people. We seperated for a year because of some problems including that he is completely obsesse with porn and anything that has to do with other women. Even after we first got married I would catch him all the time, I brought it up once before but he got so angry that we couldn’t even talk about it. I thought when I returned he had changed but it seems to have gotten worse. He never looks up anything on his phone or the computer but other women and porn. If I leave the house for 20 minutes, that’s the first thing that he does and he makes me feel like a bad person if I bring it up. He’s always judging and critizing the way I look, it breaks my heart that I don’t think he loves me for me anymore. He makes me feel unattractive and it really has worsened into this depression that I feel all the time. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I love him so much but I don’t know if this is worth it. I know men and men but is it wrong for me to feel this way? That’s not even all of it, he is 28 and I’m 26 and we never have sex because of how much he watches porn. Then it just makes me disgusted and I don’t want him to touch me. What should I do? Does anyone have any advice? If so please help!!!! Thank you
b says:
He’s got an addiction. http://www.yourbrainonporn.com you can tell him to read that site for himself. the science is real and he doesn’t even know how badly it’s messing up his brain’s pleasure circuits.
Melody says:
I feel like I’m not good enough for my boyfriend because even though we see each other often it’s like I don’t make him happy as much as other people. Random people make him laugh and smile sometimes than me and I don’t really say anything about it but it’s been bothering me for a while now. Am I just too boring? It feels like Ican’t make him happy even though I try. When he’s at home he doesn’t even text me that much anymore. I’m really nervous I’m not good enough to him and he’s going to dump me soon even though I try my hardest to make him happy. Any advice?
Lala says:
Leave him…I just finished dating someone like that. It took three years to finally get my head straight and call it off. The man does not value you, you first need to love yourself, be confident, and value yourself. No is no. You have to set the standards. You deserve someone who will love you as a companion, and make you feel whole. Let it go, don’t let him talk you back, show him you are strong and do want to be seen as an object. It will take time to heal yourself from the relationship separation, but with patience all the pieces will fit. Believe you deserve to be treated with respect.
Glen says:
My girlfriend of one year is leaving me because she said she always feels uneasy and not good enough because of the way I love. And it’s not that I ever loved her in a bad way, I always showed it with every inch of my being.
Part of it is because of the way we started seeing eachother, me treating it as casual and seeing her once in a while without knowing it was hurting her. That was something she’s never dropped and I don’t know what she means that she always feels uneasy and not enough, but this always comes up when discussing it.
And after 2 years she still feels uneasy and not good enough, after getting passed the a-hole stage which I regret and will regret with my whole life, after declaring my love to her, after knowing how I feel and beig happy with being with me, this feeling of being uneasy and not good enough has never left and is now the reason I am losing the one girl that I love. It must be the worst feeling feeling that with someone you love but I don’t know what I could possibly be doing that could make her feel that way. So much that she has never felt love that made her feel the way my love makes her feel uneasy. And she knows that there is someone else that loves her more then I do and loves her in a way that doesn’t make her feel not enough and uneasy. So not enough that there are things about her that she will never tell me because she believes it will make me stop loving her.
I know that there is nothing much that I could ever do to change the way she feels feeling like the way she does or to change her heart, especially when I treat her well and when I don’t know what I do or don’t do to make her feel not enough and uneasy. I just hope there is someone or something out there that could help me fix this, and I do know that there is probably nothing that could ever fix this.
Darkestcreeper/staticmonster says:
Hi, I’ve been seeking advice for being good enough for me, and for her. Recently, 75% of my close Frieda have gf/bf. I ask myself the question of. “Why don’t I have a girlfriend yet!?” I tried to answer this with “I’m not good enough.” And tried to fix it with a desire for death. This isn’t getting me anywhere, and I am seeking advice. Help please?
Rene says:
Hi im glad I found this… As I read Jessica post I started to cry. I have been unemployed for 2 years now going in June and my boyfriend of 9 years is holding it down now mind you i always been independent thru the whole relationship it’s just these 2 pass years I haven’t and I feel so down and he is kicking me while I am down he complains about doing for me and his kids he throws it in my face tells me I need to get a job already. We don’t go out he doesn’t even pay attention to me. We once had an argument and told me I wasn’t crap who doesn’t have crap. I get so depressed because of my situation. A man is supposed to take care of his family am
I wrong. When I was doing everything on my own there was no problem now the shoe is on the other foot it’s a problem. I do love him but I do not love how he treats me he also has told me to “get out of his house” it’s crazy. I recently found out too that he goes to work and gossips with his boss telling him I don’t do crap he pays all the bills and rent. May I add I supply the food everyday for all of us I pay the extra bills all he pays is only the rent. I think this relationship just reached it’s end. It hurts to be honest. Wasted invested time. 😭
Quigeeboh says:
What did you do for a living prior to losing your job?
Have you applied to other jobs?
Can you move out?
It sounds like he doesn’t treat you well. You shouldn’t be with someone who mistreats you like that. I would pack up one night when he’s at work and leave. Become a ghost. Disappear without a word. Does he deserve a goodbye? That’s up to you.
Rene says:
Hang in there I hope your situation has gotten better. Don’t ever lose yourself in the process of trying to make others notice you. I wish I can take my own advice. Keep your head up.
tee.katt says:
Hi, here’s my story I’ve always wanted to take the time and tell someone, but never had the chance. I’ve been with the same guy for 5 years going onto 6. We have 4 babies together 4,2,1, and a 1 month old. Ever since I had my 1st baby, I felt that I was never a good enough person for my boyfriend. And after I had my last child, it’s gotten worse for me. My depression has increased a bit and my self confidence has gone since I had my 2nd child. I let myself go and after I had my 3rd child, everything went downhill for me. I felt like he was pulling away from me, and now after I had my baby. I feel like I’m nothing, I’m starting to scare myself. I’m starting to be obsessed with my kids dad, I want him by my side every day all day. Everytime he comes to my place I want him beside me but he pushes me away. I don’t know why, but I get jealous of how much attention he gives our kids. Like I should be happy for that, I feel so ashamed to be myself. I never got that attention since we first started going out. And now I sometimes feel like he only wanted kids not me, he just completely gave up on me. I crave so much for his hugs, his hands holding mine, and him talking to me like I’m a real person. of course I love my children but why am I getting jealous of them?!. I feel so stupid. I try throw myself at him but he just sits there and laughs and says “later”. Like I know all of this sounds childish but I do love him, I want to be with him. But I keep asking myself if he really loves me like he’s always been saying he does. Or is he just feeling sorry for me. In so many ways I can explain how I’m feeling. But most of all I let my body go for him. I quit my job just to be with him, I dropped all my friends for him. And I feel very very ashamed. I have not many friends, I hardly even go out for coffee with friends no more either. I just can’t believe I gave up my whole life to be with him.
Erica says:
Hi Me and my bf been together for a year and a half and now we’re exp a baby boy but he makes me feel like I’m not good enough for him I do my best and am always trying to put my 100% and more into making him happy but it’s never good enough I have back problems let alone I’m about to pop out a baby and all i want from him is to appreciate and love me like he did when we first met he’d rather be out with friends drinking then at home relaxing with me I have no friends were we live but he knows everyone and he acts like I’m an embarrassment to be seen in public with like I have severe depression and feel horrible about how I look like I could look better and be prettier like those other girls but he’s lowering my self esteem more then it is even if I try and look pretty idk but I need help I don’t know what to do I love him with all my heart but I just want to feel like I’m worth it
Nichole says:
Hi, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, and we’ve dated before back in 08′ but sadly broke up because I moved away, but anyways ~
I have a big problem with him watching porn, and looking at other naked woman. I mean, yes all men do it? But if we live together, why do you still need to look at that?
I mean, it’s bad enough my insecurities are really bad, I do not have a nice fit toned body like porn stars do or anything.. like it makes me feel terrible because he rather look at other woman than me.. I honestly don’t feel good enough for him. If he has to do it behind my back, or better yet when I’m sick as a dog right next to him asleep all day and all. Like it really sickens me. We’ve talked about it, he says he’ll stop, but he just continues to lie about it, and its mainly the lying the hurts the most. he’ll literally do whatever it takes to look and watch other girls and it makes me feel terrible.. its bad enough I suffer with depression and such.. I honestly don’t even know what to do anymore.. I’m completely torn apart and hurt, because i don’t feel good enough for him.
TheHopeLine® says:
Nichole- Pornography is hurtful and can be very damaging to a relationship and it sounds like it is definitely having a negative effect on you and your boyfriend. Please call TheHopeLine and we can direct you to some resources that can help 1-800-394-4673 (HOPE). Also, have you read Dawson’s blog on addiction? https://www.thehopeline.com/12-so-whos-an-addict/
Makenzie says:
I have a crush and no matter what I do I’m never good enough for him. Please don’t say “find someone else” literally every guy in my school thinks I’m like the worst person alive. I just don’t know what to do so I can be good enough?!
Danielle says:
I had been dating a guy since last May. I found out in December that he had been cheating on me the last three months. He lied through his teeth until I found proof. I cut contact and then in January he reached back out saying he made a huge mistake. I took him back, but he was still distant and not making any effort. I cut contact again, he again reached out pleading for my forgiveness. I took him back. I told him I needed some kind of commitment, so he said he felt comfortable labeling us as “exclusive.” Now its April and come to find out he has still been seeing the girl he had cheated on me with, and as of a month ago he started dating someone else. It makes me feel like Im not a good enough person. That im of no value.
Sara says:
Stop taking him back. How many times he screw you over? Three. Should learn by now he’s not good for you. You can do so much better. You deserve better. It’s not that your not good enough it’s just that the guy thinks he can have the cake and eat it too. He knows your gullible. Don’t ever let a guy make you feel like crap. Not worth any ones time. Be strong and move on.
Isabel says:
Hi. So I like this guy A LOT. And he’s really sweet and funny but I just keep constantly telling myself that he will never like me, he’s too good for me and I’ll never be what he wants. I don’t know how to feel more confident and worthy when I’m around him .
Eetheart says:
Stop looking for anyone. But be content and confident in who you are. Because you’re perfectly and beautifully made, you don’t “need” someone else to fulfill you.
LinkandTingle says:
Im not worth it and I hate myself.
kat says:
hi, i have been with my boyfriend for a 7 months and i dont feel good enough for him or feel like im what he really wants. i try to be all sexy and seductive i send him pictures and even a teaser video, i dress up for him and do what he wants yet he still desires porn and porn stars. its like im trying to be the only woman for him and doing everything i can to make him desire me but he doesnt. he doesnt even askme for these things so its like hes not interested at all!! i dont want to leave him because of this but it makes me so down. and im already depressed due to other personal things but how to i get better and feel better about myself when my own partner doesnt want me.
TheHopeLine says:
Hi, Kat. Pornography is a serious issue and it has nothing to do with whether or not you are good enough or pretty enough. Please contact TheHopeLine and talk to one of our HopeCoaches about it. We are here for you 24/7. We care!
Deina says:
Hello, I am 19 and I have recently been in an emotionally abusive relationship. For the past few years I have been with a high school sweetheart. He joined the Army this past year so we haven’t seen each other in awhile. While he was deployed, we would frequently talk to each other over Skype. He would often ask me to undress or do a strip tease for him (he’s in Infantry so there’s 0 women for months at a time). I eventually found out that he had a fiancé all along and I felt like my heart had been ripped through my chest. He even lied to me and said he meant to break it off. The experience was traumatic for me, my grades took a heavy hit because I was severely depressed. Now I’ve moved on and I’m dating the sweetest man. But he goes to a better University than me, he is a lot better looking, and he has a brighter future ahead of him. I feel guilty that he’s wasting time with me when he can obviously go out with a well rounded woman at his school (I am a short, average Latina woman). I feel like I am not good enough for him and that I am inferior. This feeling won’t leave me and I don’t know how to address it. Please, I will appreciate any advice!
M says:
Hello . Me & my boyfriend have been together for 5 months now and he’s upset because i don’t communicate w/ him 🙁 . I don’t know why i just don’t be knowing what to say . I really just need help on how to communicate w/ my boyfriend better before it gets worse.
Kellydavies2011 says:
Hi I’ve been with my boyfriend nearly 4 years , and I’m worried now because all he ever says to me is hello how was your day and night literally 5 mins conversation i try and talk to him about things be bit more interesting and he says night tries to end a conversation this is via text messaging on Facebook. And I say okay I’m not sure how long I can put up with lack of communication I love him but I get the feeling he prefers to talk to his friends on Facebook rather than talk to his girlfriend. I don’t know what to do. But when he says night his still online on Facebook after. But I ask him about it he says he can’t sleep it’s the same thing every time. I don’t know if his ran out of things to say. Am I being too paranoid because to me I like to talk more in a relationship rather than just basic stuff like hello you okay then night same thing every day. But makes feel like am I good enough ? Am I boring you?
Dave says:
Been with my girlfriend for 6 years now nd due to my past of being cheated on nd made fun of pretty much my entire life i feel like I’ll never amount to anything for her to be proud of no matter how many time’s she says I’m good enough or shows me she cares i only feel like i only hurt her nd bring her down nd she deserve better then me should i feel like this or is it all just in my head plz help cus I’m really worried she guna end up leaving me like everyone else did that said they cared
Quigeeboh says:
It’s ALL IN YOUR OWN HEAD!
Ask yourself this:
– What about me has kept her around for 6 years?
There HAS to be something, anything at all that keeps her in that relationship. Keeps her committed to YOU. You have to value yourself. You have to know yourself inside and out, and be proud and happy with the type of man/human being that you are. What do you love about yourself? What makes YOU a good man? She must have told you why she’s with you, what she loves about you, what she admires, etc.
Have faith in those things. Have faith in yourself.
You, my friend, have low self-esteem. Just as I do. And it cost me a wonderful man that I will never have a chance with again.
So, do yourself a favor. Do some soul searching. Get into therapy if need be. But discover what in life makes you happy, what makes you energized and excited. Do things on your own, take up a hobby or two. Don’t spend all your free time with her, or you will lose your independence and look needy in the eyes of your partner.
Trust me.
Take care.
jemma says:
I just have no self esteem and feel I should just leave my boyfriend of 9 months and just stay on my own. I own my own business and people assume that I am confident and happy. Really I just can’t wait to get the day over and get bak in bed out the way
ang says:
So ive been seeing this guy for about a yr we never really go on dates or anything we dont spend much time together. He ask me for money all the time and if i dont give it to him he gets mad . He has 2 children with 2 different woman whom i believe he still loves . Im not insecure but with him its like i never feel good enough i always feel like hes going to leave one day . He says he loves me and i dont necessarily FEEL that he does but i try to stear clear from that conversation. He makes me feel really bad sometimes like if im so lucky to be with him , he tells me i can GO when we argue like you dont have to be here i already have 2 girls in my life anyways so im always so confused how can he say he loves me but also say idc you can go ill be fine
Katie says:
My boyfriend and I have been together on and off since high school. Its been a year since we got back together 4 years later. Everything is better than its ever been, but there is one problem when he doesn’t get what he wants. Now I don’t have a problem giving him what he wants, it’s just how he gets when it is not given. Now this is sex that he is acking for. I understand he is a guy and it isn’t a bad thing to want from your gf, but to get bitter at me because he didn’t get any the nigth before is so wrong to me. He makes is out to seem like I’m not attracted to him anymore, and that I make him feel unwanted. He was never like this until he started feening for it. In the beginning when we were fighting it was my fault, then later he finally realized that he is wrong. But now he is going back on his word and saying he isn’t happy. Not with sex, but getting it.
Cathy Drechsler says:
Hi i have a issue with my boyfriend together for 1yr and 6mths both 37 both work and we live 10 minutes away from our jobs and each other. He only wants to see me 1 night a week and every Saturday night and all day Sunday, i know that it is a lot but I want more, i really like being with him. He gets fustrated and very upset talking about this subject and it never gets resolved, he says the reason he won’t stay more is because of work but stays on a Thursday night and then goes to work on a Friday, he did add one extra night to our schedule he says he will see me one extra night during the month, but when that happens he seems to bring it back in my face like it is torture for him to stay with me.
He never shows affection in public or private he never inates cuddling which I love to do, i iniate every form of cuddling. And during the times that we do not see each other he never jyst randomly texts or calls me, if I want to talk to him i have to text him. And i have asked him twice to move in with me and talk about the future he says why are you damping the night by bringing up this subject. What do I do on the verge of breaking up with him. Help
Thank you v
. says:
I don’t manage to fall in love because I always seem to find something bothersome about a person. Every guy I meet just doesn’t interest me. It even gets worse as soon as another girls starts to sjow even slight interest in a guy, I suddenly feel almost… disgusted by him. Sometimes they are really nice and cool and I ask myself what is wrong with me because they have treats I always searched for but it still doesn’t work to fall in love. When I close my eyes there’s this made up boy I see on my inner eyes and I can’t seem to find anyone who fits my silly expectations and ideals. And I absolutely know I’m stupid and that there is no person like this. But still, I can’t get rid of my illusions.
Jennifer says:
hello, I’m in need of help I feel like I’m choking my boyfriend like I’m not giving him space, but I feel fine that he is with me I really enjoy his company. Just a couple of weeks he was talking to his ex and he told me about it but I got this horrible feeling in my stomach. his made me insecure in some kind of way I tried telling him I didn’t like that but It turned into some big argument that didn’t have to do about what we were talking about in the first place. I need to write a letter to him so I can read to him with out messing up and telling him we need to give each other some time or should I end it. I’ve been with him for about a year and a couple of months. please help me write this letter.
Viktoria says:
I’ve been with a guy for 3 years but known for 7 years.When we were just friends, we told eachother everything and when i felt down he was always there for me. I was living in canada and decided to move back to my country australia to be with him. To me, that was a really big step and i thought he knew what i was giving up in order to be with him. Our relationship began and it wasnt what i expected, it basically went down hill pretty fast. 2012 to the present 2015 its been lots of mental abuse and my feelings and emotions arent being heard. we had split up twice and during the second break up i was pregnant with his baby. he would always chat up girls online and somehow theyd make it to my fb and send me terrible messages while in hospital. he up and left us to move somewhere else, then decided to come back after i had a fall out with my family. I thought we could work it out, but he still continues to this day chatting up girls online, making me feel unless and unworthy.. and basically thinks hes above me and that i should know my place. I always thought i could always talk to this man about every part of me.. 3 years of this and its almost 2016 and i dont think i can do this anymore.. Its hard for anyone to understand because everyone can have support, from friends and family.. i do not have that and its just me and my little boy and i try everyday to be the best i can for him and him only. my strength to leave this relationship is weak, how could i do it twice before and not now? sorry for my long story, i hope someone can shine some light on me to where theres a happy ending.
Jesse says:
Hi
There was a girl who had a crush on me in high school . Being the shy person that I was , I never would flirt back or go up to her and ask her out . I feel a reason to my low self esteem was mainly due to the fact that I had a terrible stutter , which has gone away now (almost) . I had never asked her out because I felt I was not good enough , and That I couldn’t offer her what I felt she deserved . Even though my speech has improved , I feel I am still not good enough to be in realationships .
Jessica says:
Hey, so I always have this problem too. I think my boyfriend is pretty great, and I don’t know why I can’t even talk to him about most of the stuff I feel. We’ve been together for a pretty long time, but I don’t think I’m good enough for him. I mean I annoy everybody and my younger sister pretty much hates me, so why am I good enough for such a great guy
Ellie says:
iv been with my boyfreind for over two years now, and i adore and love him to bits but earlier today i was looking through facebook thinkin git was mine trying to find a message through my freind to see he was messaging another girl and sending nudes to each other last year. i feel so bad and hurt but even more guilty for looking at his messages even though it was an accident. I feel so down and like im not good enough, i mean he was doing that with another girl for over a month somthing must be wrong with me yet he goes on about how bright are future is. i feel so down and unworthy, why have me when he can have a girl thats ten times prettier.I used to feel like this then he reasuured me i was pretty but now i dont even know anymore.
i love him so much, he has been my rock for just under two years but i dont know how to make myself feel good enough again…
TheHopeLine® says:
Oh, Ellie, I am so sorry this is happening to you. It is definitely a way of being cheated on by someone you are in a relationship with. Please chat with a HopeCoach to talk about what to do next and how to talk to your boyfriend about it. We are here for you. https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
Blossom says:
Well I am done with men but plagued with the not good enough syndrome. I have cancer and was ill for sometime and going back to work or any given day really I get this ‘hurry up and die’ look from my co-worker, you know that fake smile? I cannot seem to die soon enough. I pray and make sure I forgive all wrongs but still do not trust people being the middle child and getting the short end of the stick on any quality time. I am struggling to have a will to live.
I feel like that coach in Waterboy before Adam comes along. I know my attitude stinks and working on it. I just really needed to vent.
TheHopeLine® says:
You are a hero – fighting cancer takes a warrior. You are welcome to vent to us anytime. In fact our online chat is open 24/7 https://www.thehopeline.com/GetHelp/ We care about you and we want to hear your story.
Kailey says:
Hi I’ve been with my partner for six months now and I just don’t feel I am enough for him. It’s the little things that count with me and what he’s doing I don’t like he amazing wonderful caring funny and he’s the love of my life but little things he’s doing I need someone else’s opinion. He put pictures on his Facebook just of him never of us both, he doesn’t really like anything I put on there but the likes loads of other girls pictures, he has banta with other girls but doesn’t cheat, he never really walks down the roads next to me he’s always in front or behind, I’ve noticed him looking girls up and down and sometimes it’s like he doesn’t want to touch me sexually please tell me your opinion
TheHopeLine® says:
It sounds like he has a problem. It’s not about whether you are good enough, but more about him not focusing on one person. He doesn’t sound very respectful of you. It helps to talk about it with someone to get perspective. You can chat with us about it anytime 24/7. All chats are free and confidential. https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
EddieE says:
I just got out of a 6 year relationship where alcohol was her problem. I tried to get her to stop and feel that I wasn’t good enough to get her to stop. I keep asking myself what else could have I done or done differently.
Nicole says:
I would never post on here, but since it is some what anonymous I thought I would just make one post. My name is Nicole and for a long time now I have been feeling more alone, sad, and independent with everything. I am in college and I am doing really well in all of my classes. I received a 4.0 for this semester. But I feel that I am just not a good enough person. I am always there for my friends and help them with situations and I always invite them to hang out, but they never can unless they need something from me. I don’t know what is wrong with me and why I can’t make good close friends or be liked by anyone. I have never had a boyfriend and I just want to find my “soulmate” or best friend so I can confide in and be with that person. I have been working really hard to loose weight and fix myself to be more liked. I will never be good enough. What I have learned is “every man for himself” and I suppose I need to be more selfish and take more, because that seems as if that is what all of my friends are doing and what guys like. Everything that I do or say is wrong and when someone says something about it I feel like a horrible person and I tend to close myself off more. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Felicia says:
Hi Nicole, don’t ever think that losing weight is the way to be liked. I am a very thin individual and that doesn’t change anything. You and I still have the same issues and I m not even as smart as you! I wish I had. 4.0 wow!! The real people who appreciate you and love you for who you are will come into your life, you just wait or keep doing your thing, because when it happens, it feels so good because they liked you for you. Don’t try to be liked by people who only put you as an option when you are a priority kind of girl!! Take care!
Jonathan says:
Qw
J says:
Hi I feel for you guys otherwise we wouldn’t be here right
I have a massive question. I like this girl and she was so loved up in me at the beginning and after few days she just started to go cold but she still texted me and cared about me and flirted but she just stopped asking about me and started just saying what she wanted to about herself and never me but then I made a silly joke and she said that she doest want a boyfriend and she doesn’t want to lead me on but then she said if we could stay friends and then I said yes and apologised if I did something wrong and then she said that I haven’t and I need to ease off on messages and that I don’t need to explain myself or try so hard and that she doent need to hear from me everyday and that she knows I care about her but she doesn’t need it
Please help because I don’t know what to do. I really like her a lot and she has everything that I like in a girl but since then we haven’t spoke for few days because I thought that she needed space but I just can’t figure out what it all means. It’s like she wants me but she doesn’t or she is scared about something because she knows I like her and she is afraid?
Bella says:
Me and boyfriend called it quits today (I’ll be honest we did rush into it when we only knew eachother for a week) but he did say that I’ll always have a special place in his heart and that maybe in the future we can try again..but I’m scared. I’m just scared at the thought of him with another girl and I dont like it. I’m just scared that he’ll find someone better basically. Idk I really do like him and he says he feels the same
Broken says:
I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and everything seemed to be perfect in the beginning… then I find out he is known for being a flirt. He constantly stares at girls right I’m front of me and then denies it when I confront him. He lies a lot and is not supportive whatsoever anymore. I caught him texting about 10 girls now since we started dating. He says inappropriate things to them and calls them beautiful and he doesn’t even call me beautiful or make me feel good enough. He acts like he loves me and cares about me but no matter what, he won’t stop. I don’t know what to do.
Lar says:
I have been with this guy on and off for a good 6 years. He has loved me and has always wanted to be with me and I’m always the one to break up with him because I get scared of getting hurt and honestly the way he loves me scares me because I didnt think a love like that could exist. I do love him but I fear that he will realize I’m not the one he wants and I’m not good enough. He has dated other girls that are way prettier and yet he says I the one he wants to be with. I don’t know I just don’t think a love like that could exist without some cheating or something happening. I don’t know, any suggestions?
Hunter Chung says:
Well, I don’t know when you questioned this but, heres from a guys standpoint. I’ve been with my gf for over 4 months now, and i can tell you, yes jt can. I care about her more than she realizes, and yes it is very scary. All of a sudden, how can someone think that way towards someone. But with how much i know, and not much cause im 16 and this is my first relationship, that love is very different. It will always be viewed differently, but this man you are with, like me, wont care for a world to give up, cause we need that person, or you in your case, and we know that. You are very valuable, and you do deserve that, remember that. Your flaws are your best friend, being thats who you are and who you can learn from. Dont forget how you felt from before, but accept and learn thats not right. Sorry if it doesnt help but thats how i view things, hope you feel better about the situation:)
cuttttiebutt says:
I been with this guy for 5 years now and he has never let me look on his phone he looks on mine but I never get to look at his and one day he had left his phone home n he had went to the store I got in his phone and I seen his tagged app this is mentioned for meeting new people n I had seen his post saying I wand a Wight girl they still my soul I’m mixed so it mad me feel some kind of way I never told him what I had seen but I just don’t get why he would say that he is black 23 year old and I’m 24 does Amy one have any answers to help me out
Lucy says:
Hello, I’m only 17 and since this is quite anonymous I thought I’d share my problems and feelings etc. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 7 1/2 months now and even to this day I feel like he can do better and that I’m not good enough for him at all, I know my opinion of him would be biased since he’s my boyfriend and all but he honestly is such a wonderful person, he’s handsome and caring, funny, honest and just overall amazing and I don’t know why he’d want to be with me because my last relationship completely messed up my confidence and my mind and now I always think badly of myself and I’m beginning to think that he won’t want me anymore because of this, I don’t understand why he wants me anyway. It’s making me so upset because I don’t know how to fix myself. All of his ex girlfriends are so beautiful and sweet compared to me, he won’t hear any of this, he calls me silly and says that he’s so lucky to have me and that he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful but I don’t see it. I don’t know what to do. Someone help me.
Ivy says:
Hello Lucy, I understand exactly how you feel! I am 18 and I still struggle with these thoughts, emotions and low-self esteem. What I have come to realize though is that the key to overcoming this is being confident in who you are. You have to love yourself inside and out before someone else can love you. You believe that you have an awesome boyfriend, why do you not believe that he has an awesome girlfriend? Seeing is not believing, believing is seeing and with that being said, look yourself in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you are beautiful. The answer is simple, just like how you have spent so much time tearing yourself down with these thoughts and beliefs you are going to have to spend even more time building yourself back up. I believe that you can do it and when you do you will be able to handle those thoughts that may try to come better because you know the truth. Be kind to yourself, love yourself, encourage yourself and believe that you have something valuable to offer. Love you and God bless <3
Alex Pryce says:
I don’t know if anyone’s replying to these anymore, but I had a perfectly happy relationship with my boyfriend for about seven months and he broke up with me after one very off week without talking to be with another girl. A couple weeks after, he was asking to be back with me, telling me that he didn’t feel an emotional connection with her, and I ended up taking him back. It’s been months since then and not a day has gone by where I’m not questioning whether or not he’s actually serious about me or even cares, and if I made the right decision. He isn’t as affectionate anymore, and still hasn’t even told any of his friends that we’re back togehter either. I’ve been extremely insecure and anxious about our relationship since we got back together (even though I was very sure about us beforehand) and I was wondering what I should do. I’ve already mentioned this to him before, but all he says is that I’m the only one he wants, and I honestly struggle to believe that anymore. I know this is my fault, I just wish I knew what to do. I’m sick of being so insecure all the time.
someone online says:
I’m in the exact same boat you are in. My boyfriend and I were together for awhile, but then we broke up and he asked out this other girl. We got back together but I always feel like he likes other people, and that I will never look good or act good enough for him. But what I figured out, and I’m still trying to deal with is that he’s with you for a reason. If he wanted to be with those other girls, he would, but he chose you. I hope this helped, because it also helped me. I hope you have a merry christmas!
Elizabeth Legg says:
definitely leave him!!!!! Your worth more than that. Trust me, It will be very hard at first but in time about a year or so, you will feel so much better and there are billions yes BILLIONS of people on this planet that we call Earth that will treat you like a princess! Do not waist anymore of your life with this loser. Life happens once you wont get this time back you spent putting up with this but you can change the future….be strong and dump him, join the gym, new classes whatever and make some new friends… 🙂
Christy says:
my boyfriend has three sisters, i love them as my own. i am really respectful to them and i do so much for them. but i found out that they told my boyfriend that i am not good for him. i do so much for my boyfriend, he tells me that i make him happy and all that but when he told me that my heart just hurted and i started crying. i don’t know what to do or even say
Emmy says:
Ask him what he thinks about that, people can say whatever they want , but their harts are the ones that speaks
Sam says:
I broke with my ex about a month ago we had been having issues with him having conversation with other girls and making plans to spend time with them while I was a work.. I caught him several times and each time he denied it. We had broken up for about 3 months before he contacted me and told me he wanted to start over. So I gave him a second chance only to find out that a month before we broke up the first time he slept with my best friend. Needless to say that stop speaking to them both. But recently I have been wanting to talk to him again I know I can do better but I’m in love with him we were together for 5 years. I just feel like that we all have our faults but there is a saying forgive but never forget. We have had such a powerful connection that I never had that with anyone before. Anybody else been in my shoes and went back to boyfriend or girlfriend after a betrayal like this.
Stasia says:
I’ve been dating this guy for about 3 months. We’ve known each other for a year and have gone through quite a bit of deep stuff. I sort of fell in love with him for being him always being there for me. But I struggle feeling good enough or that he really even wants me. I know he’s not perfect. But I look at all the amazing things he does and I can’t help but think he is one of the most beautiful people I know. Sometimes I feel like I pressured him into this relationship. And I’ve already caught him talking to other girls. We’ve argued about it. We’ve talked it through. We’ve done everything. But I always have this fear that I’m not cool enough for his super hipster friends. Or I’m not pretty enough. He tells me I’m the sweetest girl and I really pray on that. I want us to work out so badly. And I hate having this constant fear and self doubt. But I don’t know how to get it to go away. Talking about it only seems to strain the relationship, but ignoring it only makes the fear build up
Emmy says:
Then Pray to God for advice, structure and guide. If he likes to talk to others and doesn’t want to present you to his friends. Then he isn;t worth it.
k says:
29 year old female who everyone assures is pretty and kind… and yet, I’ve never been taken out to dinner. I’m not even worth a meal to a man. It’s easy to feel not worthy of anyone when you’re in this circumstance. :-/
Chan says:
I met a beautiful girl whos dun stuff with other guys but she says that she loves me but i feel like im not worth the time.I feel so sad n depressed idk what to do
Emmy says:
Talk to her, and if she loves you too you both can work it out.
Kati jones says:
Thank you this really hit home with me!! You are absolutely right!! Feeling good enough has everything to do with how we value ourselves!!
Sandra says:
I feel this way as well sometimes, and its like no matter how hard i try no one even sees me or notices me and when they do notice it’s like out of a self gratification thing to them. I feel worthless and never really appreciated for anything . I’m starting to believe the world is only full of self absorbed jerks who have no heart…. when will i get the attention i deserve or the love? Never I am 25 years and still single and never felt love or happiness. No body wants me or even if they want they are not my type or person I want to get involved with. Never could find a caring genuine heartfelt person who is on the same path in life freedom! and financial stability to the point of where I can travel wherever. All the people around me are wanting to get settled and have kids or just work a 9 to 5 job and be unhappy or partially satisfied while I am on a path where I just want to breathe. Can anyone relate?
Anonymous says:
My boyfriend frequently forgets to text me back and forgets that I exist… I don’t know what to do. He also mentioned once that when I smile with my teeth, I look scary… While he only ever complimented me once since we got together a month and a half ago. I asked him out, but he said that he would have asked me out anyways. He only told me he loves me during text and ever only calls me nicknames and converses with me during text… Is he embarrassed of me? I don’t know if sometimes I feel like he doesn’t even love me.
Emmy says:
First of all if he is with you why would he search for a white girl? Second of all why can you not go on his phone? Third If a man loves a women he would put her as number one, trust each other and not go find someone else. He clearly hasn’t figured out or has been though that a skincolor isn;t going to change the person into better..
You have a pure heart, if i was you I would have already told him and let him go, tell him to go date Becky with the good hair. But just talk to him and explain your feelings, and if his anwser is weak or he get mad he’s not worth it.
Sophie says:
My partner and I have been together 3 years. Since day one I’ve always thought he was better than me. He’s better looking, he’s more confident and always been more successful in jobs. He tells me he loves me all the time and says I am beautiful but I feel so self conscious. I’ve seen him look at porn and also look at girls on instagram with perfect bodies – which I don’t have. It makes me feel really bad about myself and when he says nice things to me I feel like it’s a lie because if he is satisfied why does he go elsewhere… we moved abroad together and I feel isolated sometimes as my friends are so far away. I don’t know what to do or how to make myself better.
TheHopeLine® says:
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It is true that pornography can have a negative impact on relationships. The two of you might want to read this blog post together – https://www.thehopeline.com/6-reasons-to-cut-porn-out-of-your-life-for-good And we understand how lonely it can be when you move somewhere new, especially a whole new country! Trained HopeCoaches are available 24/7 to chat with about your feelings and about what you are going through right now. Chat is free and totally confidential. Just click the “chat now” button or go to this link – https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
We also have a really great eBook about self-worth that is totally free – http://info.thehopeline.com/selfworth-ebook
Rimjhim Aggarwal says:
Worth reading post to be sure! I think, feeling not worthy to be loved is not a good sign in the starting phase of any relationship. Inferiority mustn’t enter into any kind of relationships as it damages the trust between couples. In love, there should be a sense of equality, respect towards each other, and a better understanding – and that’s enough to keep away the obstacles in life. Thanks a lot…!!!
Muskan Pendharkar says:
I don’t know what makes me feel that I am not good enough for my bf … He never told me that there is any kind of problem in our relationship because of my looks but sometimes he just says things that are based on my negative points according to him he was just having fun, I don’t know why but I take it more personally and if I ask him not to do that again he just gets angry …. Not even him but his friends and people close to him also ask him to look for any other option and ask him why is he dating me ? I think I have lost my confidence now I can’t leave him because I love him so bad ….
Gary says:
Guys. I’m 20. The only person in my life is that girl. We were into each other since 2010. unknowingly. She always persuaded me. She always made efforts. I never did. And now I feel I never felt for her. I really find myself nowhere. I wanted to marry her. I feel she is really a great person. But I deserve her.
Will says:
Hello Gary. I’m 28 and I think I have a similar situation with roles reversed. My ex girlfriend and I separated recently because she didn’t seem very into me even though I loved her greatly. We were very interested in each other at first but she became negative over time.
You are lucky to have a girl who is that into you. Don’t waste it.
Reece Bainbridge says:
Hi.
I can’t seem to get over the fact that I’m not quite the right person for my partner.
We have an eleven year age gap, and a bit of a class divide. We started dating in November of 2016 and making things serious in the following May.
I’ve known love before, so I know I’m not just infatuated with him. And even though he’s from a privileged background, he doesn’t let it define him.
He’s yet to tell his parents about his sexuality, which is gonna be pretty tough for the family.
But to then find out he’s been seeing a guy with an “unsavoury” past and low paid job.
I seldom talk to him about how I feel, but when I do, I shrug it off with a joke.
My heart broke once before. And that took a lot of healing.
I just don’t think I could bare that pain again.
I get that we’re still new, but we get each other. Like a whole level of understanding you rarely ever get with someone.
I know it’s just a case of crossing bridges when you come to them, but the anxiety in between is exhausting.
Kylee says:
Hello, my name Is Kylee. I am with an amazing guy named Kasemm, I love him so much, and I believe he loves me, He’d never dobut me, the the thing is I feel I’m not good enough…
John says:
Guys – just dump her before she dumps you. Better yet — don’t get together in the first place.
Dimple says:
Okay…. here I go….
I have been with a guy for almost 2 years now. His parents owned a franchise next to where I use to work. Everyone kept on telling me that he had an eye on me, I worked at a bar, that happened all the time so I never really made it part of thought. I went out the one night and walked into him, we had so much fun. Got drunk and I slept over by him….It was the first time I ever did something like that honestly. We fell inlove. He asked me to move in with him and I did…. Well with his parents so should I say…. His parents adores me and I became apart of the family. The first month was amazing until I slowly realised that he would get drunk every night and talk about his ex (mexican girl). He is a surfer and its perfect because I am all beach vibes too. He would go missing for days and id go drive around looking for him while joining a search party just to find him drunk out of his mind. He slowly made me feel like I am not okay and always blames all of his mistakes on me. Its been 7 months that he has been overseas for work in Indonesia. 7 very dry months…. and 11 more to go…. we use to skype and talk all the time but now he would be online on instagram liking spanish models photos or messenger and just reply once a day…. stating he loves me and what a busy day on the yachts he had (he works on yachts). I know that he does work long hours but I mean… online + instagram= no reply…. uh NO… His friends have become my friends and they always try not to bad mouth him but they would ask me all the time what am I doing to myself…. He states that he loves me but can’t explain what he wants in the future because “he can not see that far” or “He just needs to focus on now”. Everytime I mention breaking up to him he becomes so upset and explains that he loves me, but he never changes his ways. People regularly ask me why am I crying over a guy that I am way out of his league. I don’t see it like that I feel like its the opposite. I am soooo inlove with him and I don’t know why….
One question:
Should I stay or Should I go?
A Girl who Needs Desprate Help says:
Ok…. so my boyfriend is amazing and all but sometimes he makes me feel like a queen but then the next he makes me feel like crap. He’s amazing and I don’t think that he does this on purpose, but he is doing it and it hurts me. I don’t really cry but for some reason in class I just started crying. It wasn’t because he is doing that, its because he’s always with his ex. For example, today in science class I was trying to help him because he doesn’t do any of his classwork and I’m trying to help him so he doesn’t get held back because he is really smart, but he kept talking to his ex and laughing and talking a storm. And I know no one is that close to their ex and they weren’t close before they started to date because I was his only girl bsf besides the other girl he used to like…. but that’s a different story. Anyways after he came back from lunch detentions he went right to her and not even to me…. he didn’t even say one word to me. I don’t know, but do you think he’s losing feeling? Or he doesn’t love me as much as he says he does? I need advise desperately because I really love him and he’s my bsf above all those things and I don’t want to lose him because all 3 of his ex’s are back to get with him again.
Older and Wiser Chick says:
Dear girl,
I am a fellow girl who has been through the same age you are at right now (clearly you must be in high school or college), and experience is a good teacher.
You are worth FAR more than your boyfriend obviously thinks you are worth, and HE is the idiot/ abusive jerk in this situation. You are too good for him. YOU should be breaking up with HIM instead of worrying about losing him. You deserve way better.
Emotional abuse is a form of abuse, and what you are describing sounds just like it. It is a pervasive pattern of making others feel “like crap”, as you said. It requires no physical violence, but rather of demeaning words. The way abusers keep their victims is to have some times when they treat you “like a queen”, immediately followed by verbally demeaning and degrading the victim. Emotional abusers emotionally abuse for the same reason that bullies bully – it makes them feel like they have power and are superior if they beat someone else around.
You deserve someone who loves, values, and respects you all the time, unconditionally. Ditch this warty toad and find your prince. You are a princess who is very valuable.
Furthermore, it is very clear from your post that he is 99% probably cheating on you and 100% unfaithful douchebag. There is nothing anyone can do to stop a cheater from cheating- jerks will be jerks, and just like he is being unfaithful to you, he will go on to be unfaithful to every singe one of his ex-girlfriends, and every single one of his future girlfriends too, no matter how hot or nice or good they are.
And finally,he KNOWS that what he does hurts you, and he intentionally chooses to do those things. Don’t make excuses for him about “ I don’t think he does it intentionally”, because he does. He knows what he is doing.
So the solution? Kick him to the curb!! He’s a toxic, sadistic, abusive, sociopathic, lying cheating worthless piece of human garbage (morally). He will continue bringing you down until you cut him out of your life. Let him fail his classes and cheat on his ex and future girlfriends. You’ll be the one holding your head high, knowing your precious and irreplaceable worth, and having a much happier life without the suffering that he inevitably brings. And since you’ll be single, you’ll be free to find yourself a REAL Prince Charming who values you and loves you like you deserve.
Stephanie says:
Your boyfriend sounds very immature. You appear to love him openly. The destructive nature of young relationships is this: women dont know yet how to efficiently communicate how they feel to their man. And despite trying, men don’t validate these conversations because they are too immature to understand what they have in their hands. This is why young couples do not last. Young boys hold the heart of a more mature girl. And they are unaware that their actions are detrimental. They’re young and dumb. I know you have young love for this individual. But believe me when I tell you he is not the man you’ll marry in 10 years. Why subject yourself to a naive boy who entertains old flings? If theres drama in the environment of other women trying to penetrate your relationship and he does not instill confidence into you, then you must choose to value yourself and have confidence in yourself more than how this boy gives you an increased heart beat.
Sebastian says:
I think you should talk to him. Tell him about how you feel when he talks to her. Dont try to control what he does and who he talks to but make him aware of your feelings because maybe he doesnt know that it hurts you. One of the most important things needed to keep a healthy relationship going is to be honest and open to eachother so go and talk to him, making sure its just you two so you have all his attention.
Iliana says:
Break. Up. With. Him. It may be hard but it’s clear he’s a jerk, and he has feelings for his ex still. I wish best of luck.
Cassidy says:
I need help, I’m living with my boyfriends . We have been together almost a whole year . We were friends who had a sexual relationship and quickly jumped into dating . We’re opposites . That is something we have thrived off of but it’s starting to worry me that we are opposites in destiny as well. Were both 19 . And we’ll – I’ve had like 20+ sexual partners because I used to just be a silly teen who let a lot of men take advantage of me and I never planned to get married or get serious anyway so I played the part. But I’ve fallen very much in love with him . It’s just the old me is still there and she’s insecure and afraid . So ultimately I feel awful he knows I’ve only admittedly to about half of the ppl I’ve slept with and I cannot see myself ever admitting that I lied about the number again and what not but also I’m just cruel I feel like a witch when we fight I’m very distant and a lot of that isn’t just me being an Aquarius that’s my native nature but it’s hard for me to be the bigger person and I feel like I just make our little fights worse or our good days bad ? Idk . I have really bad emotional health and it’s not on purpose to be so hurtful to him. He’s calm and doesn’t blow up on me for any and every inconvenience like I do him and believe me, I know how crappy men are I’ve messed with boys my age through high school and older men too ( like I said my past is really awful ) and he’s taken care of me and based off our weakness and strengths, because wee opposites we actually do really great together . I just feel guilty for a number of things , 1- my unparented past that led me into sleeping around lifestyle, my really bad attitude about life, myself, our current situation(were both working I’m trying to finish Our high school he hopes to get a GED and we’re renting a tiny room inside from a household that stresses us out for lack of better terms), and everything in general, I don’t feel pretty enough or motherly and wifey enough I’m complex and he’s simple he wants a simple happy life with wife and children and that’s not hard but I just feel like I would suck at it it’s so simple and I feel like I’m just going to make him miserable with all our fighting one day . I’m clearly his first love and it makes me feel like he has a lack of dealing with women , even though he’s way more mature in relationships than I am. But he had a wild mother figure who constantly cheated on his ‘loving father’ and I think he’s put me on this high ground because I’m the first woman who likes him then isn’t “fat” and I don’t do drugs and cheat on him every night also I’m mixed and he is white and that shouldn’t matter at all but I don’t love myself and I just see him with this beautiful long-straight haired woman that’s always so sweet and just isn’t me . I came from a broken family with fathers that just abuse. And left my mother so I know that is why I’d rather run out of this relationship but am I good enough for him???? I feel so worthless sometimes and like I’m unchangeable and unpleasable. I don’t wanna be that angry nagging wife that just gets left or cheated on . We had a fairly loving relationship now we share a room and cuddle every night and talk about starting a family because I would love to mother his children . Maybe it just seems too good to be true ? Should I just pray that god hush these devils whispering. disparate in my ears? He’s helped change a lot of me for the better, I don’t smoke cigarettes anymore, I used to take about every drug put there on a weekly basis but I’ve traded that crazy party lifestyle for a normal one . Should I just give myself more time ? Or just I push him away more dominantly? I’ve tried to tell him before I’m no good and to leave but he says we just need to keep working on it and that I should try not to get as upset about little things . Because I really do he tries very hard to make me happy but I’m just so used to being on my own even now after a year . We move at different paces too and I feel a lot of it is my lack of patience for time. He’s the slowest creature on the planet lol not literally but on the turtle and hair story he’d be the tortoise and if be the Hare . Slow and steady is my boyfriend and over estimating and rushed am I…..
meg says:
i feel the same way
Kk says:
It OK to feel that he don’t like u no more but I think u should ask him if he has feeling for His ex. Tell him to be honest