No one would deny that lying is a bad habit. Yet many people are clueless as to how big of a problem it is. Sadly, lying can become an unconscious and destructive habit. Let’s talk about the different kinds of lies and see if you recognize them.
Understanding the different types of lies can go a long way in recognizing the issues that the liar is going through – whether it be you or a friend.
A white lie is often called the least serious of all lies. People tell white lies claiming to be tactful or polite. For example, it could be making up an excuse for not going to a party, or showing appreciation for an undesirable gift. But telling white lies after a while can cause conflict with others because over time they understand the insincerity. That is why white liars can lose their credibility.
Patterns of white lies made over time can create distance between you and others, and destroy your credibility.
Brandon admitted, “Sometimes I say I have plans to do something when I don’t, just to get out of having to tell someone I don’t want to go with them. It seems like the better option, than saying I don’t like you.” There are other ways Brandon could turn down somebody’s offer than telling a white lie.
Shariah said, “I only lie when I tell people I am doing good when I am sad or depressed. I tell them that because I don’t want people knowing about what I go through and how my personal life is.” By telling this white lie she is showing disrespect for the person who asked a relationship-building question and is putting up a roadblock to a deeper relationship.
Broken promises are a failure to keep one’s spoken commitment or promise. Broken promises can be especially damaging when the person who made the promise had no intention whatsoever of keeping their word to begin with. Adam said, “I told a girl I know that I’d go with her to the game even though I knew I wouldn’t be able to go. I wasn’t trying to hurt her, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
What Adam doesn’t understand is that lying to the girl and breaking the promise does double damage, causing hurt feelings that could have been avoided. By breaking his promise he did great damage to her hope. She no doubt was all excited about going to the game with him, only to have her hopes dashed. Broken promises can lead to broken lives.
Fabrication is telling others something you don’t know for sure is true. Fabrications are extremely hurtful because they lead to rumors that can damage someone else’s reputation. Spreading rumors is not only a lie but is also stealing another’s reputation. Paul wrote, “I admit that I love spreading rumors. It’s all about telling lies about someone you don’t like. It usually works.”
A bold-faced lie is telling something that everyone knows is a lie. It’s simple and sometimes cute for a little child to tell a bold-faced lie about not eating any cookies, even though there’s chocolate all over his or her face.
As we get older, we try to be more clever with our cover-ups. Some people never grow up and deal with their bold-faced lying even though others know what they’re saying is completely false. When people hear a bold-faced lie they are resentful that the liar would be so belittling of their time and intelligence.
Sara said, “I hate lying. Especially when I know everybody knows I’m lying. I feel so dumb.” Sara isn’t the only one who feels dumb. The people she lies to could also feel the same way.
Exaggeration is enhancing a truth by adding lies to it. The person who exaggerates usually mixes truths and untruths to make themselves look impressive to others. An exaggerator can weave truth and lies together causing confusion even to the liar. After awhile the exaggerator begins to believe his or her exaggeration.
Amber confessed she thinks exaggeration actually helped her. “I’m not good at really anything, so I lie about stupid things so that I sound like there is more to me.” An exaggerator is a tragic person because he or she feels so little about themselves that they have to make up stories to look good to others.
A deceiver tries to create an impression that causes others to be misled, by not telling all the facts, or creating a false impression. Jon admitted he was a deceiver, “Sometimes I don’t like being seen as smart, so I’ll joke around about how smart I am just to try and get people to think that I’m not that smart. It works sometimes. It doesn’t feel like lying, I guess I’m just pretending to be something I’m not.” Causing deception is a powerful and hurtful tool. It can be very subtle yet deadly.
Plagiarism is both stealing and lying. It consists of copying someone else’s work and calling it your own. Plagiarism is a very serious act. Some college and graduate students have even been kicked out of school because of it.
Scott asked a question and admitted his plagiarizing. “Is it lying to copy something from the internet and call it your own? I do this sometimes when working on a paper for school and I run out of time.” Scott seems to be confused about his plagiarizing. Yes, Scott, it is lying. Just because it is easy to do does not make it right.
Compulsive lying is often caused by low self-esteem and a need for attention; in fact, the compulsive liar finds it all but impossible to stop. A compulsive liar tells their mistruths even when telling the truth would be easier and better. Bree said, “This guy I grew up with tells lies like its no tomorrow. What I don’t get is that I actually think he believes every word of the lie is true. I think it’s ridiculous.” It is more than ridiculous, it is a tragedy.
Have you ever told anyone of these lies? Do you ever wonder if you can get away with lying? The answer is not really. You may be able to lie for a while, but in the end it will come back to haunt you. What starts as a simple white lie over time can turn into a life-destroying habit. It’s important to know there is freedom in living and telling the truth. It may be difficult at first, but as Jesus said, The truth shall set you free.
Knowing about all these different kinds of lies is great, but what good will it do if we don’t know we’re being lied to? Finding out that you’ve been deceived is a crushing feeling, most of the time… perhaps the most acceptable lie in the entire world is the one you were told so that you’d show up at your own surprise birthday party… if you like surprises, that’s when being deceived might not be the worst feeling. But most of the time, realizing you were lied to makes you feel violated, embarrassed, and sometimes angry. How can we catch liars in action?
It’s important to note that these indicators are not foolproof, and context matters. People may exhibit these behaviors just because they’re confused, anxious, flustered, feeling sick, or in a hurry. Being aware of these signs, however, can alert you to when you should lean in and ask more questions—you’ll either build more trust with someone by noticing when something’s off and offering support, or you’ll learn more about whether someone’s unworthy of your trust.
Are you feeling like you may have a problem with lying and want to get control? Here are 8 practical steps on – How To Stop Lying.
MF says:
My husband started lying to cover up his substance abuse problem he started about 3 years into our marriage. By doing this he made me “the enemy” instead of his ally. He changed how he viewed me in our relationship. I was the one he trained himself to keep things from instead of share his life with me
GregGrimer says:
What if he had overcome it and never told you about it? There must be 100s of women and men who have flawed partners they don’t know about and don’t want to know every peccadillo either. If every husband who ever cheated, gambled or took drugs admitted their faults, I don’t think their wives would wake up the next morning considering the relationship stronger with their ‘trusted ally’. What would happen is that the divorce lawyers’ phones would be ringing off the hook.
Nick says:
My wife’s father called my wife and let loose with an undeserved drunken abusive tirade. She told the story to her mother, and with her support, they fronted him for an explanation. He looked at both of them and denied that it had happened.
I understand that he lied to my wife’s mother, ie he presented a falsehood in order to deceive, but what did he do to my wife? The two of them both knew exactly what had happened. He knew that he would not be able to deceive her. What sort of lie is that?
Hedera Leaf says:
I often lie to protect myself sometimes, and to protect the people close to me against to those whose insecurity and selfishness overpowered them. A lie is a lie, right?
mia s says:
Yeah a lie is a lie. When you lie to someone you rob them of making a choice with all the factual information presented. Maybe if you told them the truth they would make a different choice you know.
GregGrimer says:
In your next job interview tell the whole unvarnished truth to the interviewer. Explain to them that they need to realize that while the truth might not be what they expect or warn to hear, that is ONLY because all the other people they interview have robbed them of factual information and as a result made their job of selecting candidates far harder.
Let us know whether you get the job.
ghfhj says:
What about lies of omission?
Andrew says:
It means that you only tell part of the truth. For example, “I did not steal my classmate’s pencil.” You hid it, but technicallly, did not steal it. Hope this helps…….
Sarah says:
Legally speaking, “hiding” someone’s pencil is just as much a theft as if you kept it in your pocket. You intentionally took property without permission and now the owner doesn’t have it. It doesn’t matter what you did with it: it’s the taking from someone that’s the crime.
Null_Shock says:
Not entirely true, you have to have the intent to deprive the person of an object they own(In this case a pencil.) permanently. If you are simply hiding it, it is not theft. . .at least not according to the legal definition…There are examples where you would be 100%, example: If someone “borrowed” their neighbors vehicle, without consent, and they were busted before they could return it. I am sure they would be charged with grand theft, but the if the police and the neighbor believe the person and the neighbor is really cool, they could luck out and may end up paying for the fuel they used.
planetman says:
Contextual lies?
Roger D. says:
The most fascinating thing I find about lying is that it isn’t reserved for humans. Animals do it all the time, as a survival mechanism. Think Camoflage. “I am not here, you do not see me.” Or pets, who can tell a boldfaced lie as bad as a kid.
lola says:
this is all so true^
Kate Harris says:
My boyfriend was supposed to take something to my friend I’d borrowed, but truth was he didn’t . They never said a word till they told me off and he lied telling me he’d returned it. Then continued hanging out with them telling me he was other places still goes there after ruining my friendship with them. Then months later hear how he’d tell them things I’d supposedly said about them and situation and how they laugh at it . He took my graduation card his parents gave me and never gave it to me only reason I knew about its existance was I’d seen it in floor board of car and waited to see if he give it to me .I never got it I asked for it he says in I wondered what happened to it where I go with it cuz he didn’t have clue where was . I would nt do that to you . when truth was he did something with it I never got it. Why would someone bother doing that honestly has taken toll on me personally.
Change15 says:
If you have lied and want to change. Do you have to admit to your lies or can you just move on from them! Leave the lies in the past and just start fresh day to day.
Lana says:
Change15 if trust has been lost. Then come clean if its regarding your spouse or mate. That will help in building trust and keep being truthful and keep changing regardless.
Mary Maybury says:
Thank you so much for the insight. However, I understood the boldface (bald-faced) lie differently. Yes, the little girl may have cookies all over her face, and it is obvious she is lying, but she may honestly be trying to convince people that she is innocent. I understood the boldface lie as one that is not actually trying to deceive anyone. A lie told despite the fact that everyone around that person knows the truth. One that is told when even the one doing the lying understands they can’t deceive anyone. I got this from James Mahon via the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy and a few academic journals I was looking at for a research paper.
Luna says:
I lied to my friend saying i had depression so she would hang out with more. She started hanging out with others and I felt left out. I feel really bad now…
Kahlia anderson says:
Ok great I know this one about i am doing good whenough I am sad and depression I tell this lie a million times
Brittney Mcelfresh says:
I have a friend who will tell you 2 different story’s in a matter of 5 mins. For example he was fighting with his aunt and told me why does his mom always have to stick up for her . And then not even 5 mins later he’ll be like why can’t my mom be alive to stick up for me. What kind of liar is he
kittykattt says:
BALD-FACED LIE. NOT BOLD.
Timm Copeland says:
it’s bold faced… bold, brazen, arrogant, self-important…. someone who thinks their @% doesn’t stink to such a high degree they can say anything and it will be unquestionable– bold.
There is nothing such as a bald face. That would suggest no eyes, ears, mouth. That would be a bald face.
Unless it just annunciates your accent, in which case it might sound like “bald-faced” but it’s bold.
Kay Michelson says:
I had to. repeat had to. lie to my husband about things I bought. more like lies of omission. he complains about the slightest thing I get, a loaf of bread that I like better than he might. or a shirt at a second hand store for $2
Timm Copeland says:
You can lie to your mom. You can lie to a cop. You can even lie to a judge or your doctor. But don’t lie to your partner. Otherwise, you’re just shackin’ up with someone you don’t really love or respect.
Kaijia Go says:
This is a little off topic, but what do you call it when A tells B the truth yet somehow makes B believe that A was lying to B?
Stephen Muterspaw says:
Bald Faced Lies are White Lies. No hiding Broken promises
Natalie Brown says:
It’s not bald. It’s bold faced. In that the person knows they’re lying but keep a straight serious face thinking that, with a facial expression that matches the tone of the lie, they appear more credible. It is also bold because, usually, everyone knows it is a lie. An example is someone talking to the police and claiming it wasn’t them when the police have all the information and know they’re guilty.
Geidv says:
I lie to make other people fear/think bad of me. I exaggerate the truth and fake illness. I victimis myself and gossip about my freinds even though I was truly a victim of racism and child abuse. I can’t stop lying, I have bad grades in great classes, and freinds with true mental illness who I am drawn to and put me down. I have severe depression and I am homosexual. I am religious and I have broken 7 of 10 commandments.
Please help me.
jose gonzalez says:
I lied to my wife to hide my feelings for my neighbor who is 23 years younger than me even though there was no intent of everdoing anything with the neighbor. I am a compulsive, conniving liar.
James says:
I’ve tried to tell myself to stop lying but every time I say or remind myself that,I would lie about something or the other..