It’s been said, knowledge is power. Unfortunately, many people like to spread damaging information or intimate details about others, whether true or not. This is what is called gossip. It used to be that people called gossip, dishing the dirt. Whatever it’s called, people use gossip to hurt people, in order to feel good about themselves and to feel like they have power over others.
If you know something juicy someone did over the weekend, it’s easy to feel like you have to tell others. We especially like it when we hear something that makes someone look bad. Celebrity bloggers and gossip magazines make millions of dollars off of this unfortunate reality. I’m sure you have encountered gossip. Some people seem to thrive on it.
It’s time for you to decide you don’t want to have any part of it. The most dangerous part about gossip is that it steals another person’s reputation. A reputation is very fragile. When you gossip, you are helping to destroy something extremely valuable. An anonymous blogger wrote: After telling my best friend, it leaked that I tried [cutting] once. Everyone thought I was even more of a freak.
If it’s time for you to commit to no longer have any part of gossip, here are 5 tips on how to do it:
1. Make an intentional decision you’re not going to gossip.
Even though the temptation to gossip is powerful, you will always win when you choose not to use it. And really, with all gossip, there’s no way of knowing for sure what is true or not.
Paul wrote: I admit that I love spreading rumors. It’s all about telling lies about someone you don’t like. It usually works. That’s the problem, it does work, almost every time. The most dangerous part about gossip is that it steals another person’s reputation.
2. Don’t listen to others when they gossip.
Gossip grows an audience. You simply being there listening to it adds to its appeal. If someone starts to tell you something gossipy, say, I’m sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about this person when they’re not here to defend themselves. Not only will you break the gossip chain, but you also will gain the trust of other people, as someone who won’t spread rumors. With all gossip, there’s no way of knowing what is truth or lies.
3. Don’t judge people based on gossip.
If you should hear gossip about someone you don’t know, you have two choices: allow the gossip to determine what you believe, or let your own personal experience determine what you think. The first time you have an experience with someone that is contrary to the gossip you’ve heard; you’ll be a lot more careful about spreading or believing gossip the next time you hear it.
Katy wrote: My best friend is someone who people used to say really bad things about. But once I got to know her, I learned the truth about her. I’m so glad I gave her a chance.
4.Think before you speak.
Before you repeat something you’ve heard about another person, think: does this really do any good for me to spread this information? Or am I just trying to be in the know? Is the information even true? Could I be hurting someone by telling this, even if it’s true? If the person you are talking to is not part of the problem, or part of the solution, there’s no need to tell them anything.
5. Stay away from people who gossip to you they will gossip about you.
Don’t associate with people who find such great joy in belittling others. Be very careful about what you choose to tell these people. If it’s a close friend, you might consider saying how you want to stop spreading gossip, and that you’d really like her help.
There’s an old saying, stick and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me. That’s not true. Being gossiped about can be extremely painful. If you don’t want it done to you, don’t do it to others. In the end, it never pays to gossip.
I really appreciated this comment from Jolene: I love how Dawson tells how gossip really hurts. Other blog sites just gossip, this one tells us how hurtful it can be. I am so glad that Dawson is down-to-earth.
For more help with gossip and reputation, I wrote these two blogs: How to Rebuild a Bad Reputation and Protecting Your Online Reputation.
Ferdinand says:
Absolutely right. What a good lesson
Pasquale says:
all my friends who always gossip about others to me,ever since i realized the evil of bad mouthing others.i started avoiding them like a plague,knowing that such people will eventually gossip about me too.
Jessica says:
Hi, I’m writing here because I’ve used the online chatting system once. I loved reading this article and appreciate the information.
I just wanted to share that I will not gossip about another person, judge another person, or damage another person’s reputation. I personally would like to make this commitment because I myself have been misunderstood a lot of times due to growing up in poverty and a dysfunctional family. But, in all gratefulness, I would like to proudly share that good intentions shine through and as long as you have the right mindset and set it in into motion your reputation will be protected by God in the end. Don’t buy into gossip! It will come back to you.
Rachel says:
Hey Dawson,
You make some great points. I agree gossip is so unhealthy and forms a vicious cycle. While it does have the potential to ruin reputations, I have to question whether one should care about those who are attempting to ruin it and those that are listening to it. Because these people hold no gravity or substance in their words.
I find gossipers rather weak and boring and as you sa,y attempt to feel better about themselves. A gossiper from my perspective just spells trouble. I will deal with them as best I can but I don’t want any part of that. Because I value my reputation and don’t want that associated with gossipers. Great food for thought. Thanks.
Rachel.
trish says:
I started doing model photography for a well known and respected journalist/photographer..the ladies at my work started spreading hurtful rumors that I was selling my body to dirty old men…being a hairstylist for many years in a small town is disaster when gossip is added to the mix. I deactivated my Facebook account to avoid attention and started focusing on my children and husband for positive support. The key person who started the gossip always disliked me and unfortunately managed to convince the 80% coworkers her claims were true..
I’m self -employed and have a very large clientelle; rumors such as these can be very damaging to one’s reputation given the environment I’m in.. This was indeed a horrible way to start the new year.
dora says:
i have 16 yrs workk in my office avoid group gossip so other collegue in othe office gossip about me say i was talking about her so she likes to give me lift and gossip about other collegue so i think nomore allow her to give me lift and go with her to the shop it is write .
Rylee says:
This post has been so useful because it provides steps to stop gossiping that actually seem possible to achieve. We are so used to the gossip being all around us that it is hard not to get sucked back in.
LAC says:
I have been around people who gossip and quite a few of them are some of the lowest individuals I have ever met. I am speaking of grown people (over 40-50) who weave tales or simply cannot keep a confidence. These people think they are popular or cool when spreading their stories.
On on occasion a man told a boy friend of mine a very bad lie about me. The boyfriend was very angry and would never speak to me again.
Now some say the boyfriend should have spoken to me about this directly – that is true.
However he would never speak to me again after this false information he was given.
It was very destructive and hurtful.
I finally took the opportunity to call out the gossiper in a very humiliating way in from of a large group of people by whom he wished to be thought well of.
Then I left. I think the sting of my rebuke was something he did not expect as he is a habitual user and liar and thinks he is impervious to everything. That day I think he truly got a taste of his own medicine.
I do not appreciate people making up false stories about me and spreading them around. They are small, dangerous people.
They revel in mischief and creating social drama. They care nothing of the harm they do and do not feel any responsibility for misrepresenting people.
They should stay to themselves and keep their mouths shut, because all that comes out of them are lies and hurtful remarks.
MWienckowski says:
My husband gossiped about me when we we’re separated. He chose to email my brother, and sons with very negative accusations, very damaging information about my mental status. Theses statements weren’t true but we very damaging to my relationship with my older son. He will not speak to me and hasn’t for over a year now.
MWienckowski says:
My husband spread negative gossip about me, during a separation.He sent negative emails to my family members. Many facts were totally inaccurate but it was very damaging to my relationship with my oldest son. He will not speak to me and hasn’t for over a year but talks to my husband.
This has great emotional distress to me and the marriage. How can I ever trust him again?
Shouldn’t he be responsible for the damage he’s caused to the relationships in my family?
Julie Greene says:
Doctors gossip very badly. I have heard them. It’s not legal to do so, but they so often disregard the law. Also they put damaging things into your medical records that may very well be untrue. Now that’s on your permanent record!! And they share that stuff! Things like psych diagnosis, which is simply how the doctor feels about you, gets spread and then your reputation is ruined.
Orphan Izzy says:
Wow! This guy was born in my area and do I have a story to tell! I can’t begin to do all here but the slander my sister spread about me systematically for years is so detailed and horrible that it crosses state lines and virtually replaces my public identity with her fake one and I can’t get out from under it. It has reached and destroyed almost all of my relationship from family to family friends to everyone else I’ve known my whole life.
People won’t even allow me to show they are wrong because they twist everything I do to fit their idea of me IF they even acknowledge me as a valid person. I do need help to change this and don’t feel it’s possible as it is. I thought ignoring it would be best and didn’t want to engage or give it power but it’s beyond my control and effects my life completely whether I let it or not. I feel like a prisoner waiting for a charity to help me prove my innocents. It’s immobilizing.
Orphan Izzy says:
People say these things all the time like you shouldn’t let it bother you or why do you care what these kinds of people say and the answer to that question is those statements put the burden of the whole thing on the person being victimized like it’s their fault they are affected by something that regardless of how the victim takes it it’s damaging and that takes away from the responsibility of the person who’s doing it which is completely unfair and makes the victim feel like they’re being victimized again. Also people don’t realize how absolutely exhausting it is to not let it bother you or to rise above it. People don’t realize that even if it doesn’t bother you and you don’t take it personally the negativity has a terrible impact on you and last of all people’s wrong ideas if you can indeed directly affect your life in ways you may not even have thought of and that said on a small scale you’re right don’t let some person’s gossip bother you. On a large scale like in my case it has literally robbed me of the reputation I built with hard work and being someone I was proud of for 20 years almost overnight and force me to have to prove myself to people for reasons that aren’t real if Iwant to change their minds and the hatred that is directed towards me is so life-threatening that the whole thing is just a hideous nightmare. I have to constantly work to remember my own worth and not let it bother me and it’s just constant effort because it reached all the significant people in my life.
Those I’ve had contact with have treated me as though I am not even worth regarding as a valid human and you can’t prove them wrong when they won’t even give you the chance. I could move to another state but that’s a lot of effort and so yeah that affects you too.
Manny Maria Siegel says:
Its like all of a sudden people treat you different and you don’t know why. I believe that gossip is used to punish someone your angry with to ruin them. And these cowards now have the satisfaction of revenge. I don’t gossip but have been the victim many times by my own family
Bea Wimsey says:
I tried to shrug it off for years, but in the end, it has nearly killed me. I have decided to confront and fight. I don’t know if it will do any good, but I’m beyond caring about that any more. I have paid a price that I cannot afford in order to be everyone’s elses chew toy. This is legal murder. That what it is. As for recovery, I am starting a group in my town for people going through the same thing. I think it’s critical that we come together. There is power in numbers.
Janae says:
The past year has been the worst year of my life, because of the destructive force of other people’s gossip. I’ve read this article online, as well as others that say the same things. Like the people mentioned in the article, I, too, was placed on an antidepressant a number of years ago, and racked up a lot of debt while under the influence of the drug. I’ve worked for several churches in my town, and one of them did a background check on me last summer and pulled a copy of my credit report. They saw how much debt I had, and were very surprised at my “shocking” behavior. They decided that I was guilty of some sort of moral failure, because of the debt, and began gossiping about me. The gossip spread to people in different states, and has now reached everyone I’ve ever met, both across the country and around the world. My reputation is completely destroyed, and I’ve lost all of my friends.
Kai Panton says:
I have been a victim of gossip and nastiness within my neighbourhood for years basically due to jealousy. I will never ever forgive those vile creatures for inflicting such damage to my character…especially the alpha female. A very nice police detective female stated to me…you had a raw deal here…too much tittle-tattle within the clique.
Joe says:
vile creatures.. I like that. I also suffered at the hands of an alpha female i righteously embarrassed.She so had it coming,and i had enough of her.She was so mad because she knew i was right but how dare i when she would do the same to me. I hope she rots.
Rupert the Super Bear says:
I have also been the victim of a female gossip within my neighbourhood – eventually her malicious gossip reached somebody who wanted something nasty she could use to destroy me. Between these two vile females I have had my life slowly but gradually torn apart. Both women married to feeble-minded weak men. My crime? Being intelligent and a little different – ie: I’m not a moron.
Jealousy…..
Kayte says:
I have recently experienced being gossiped about.. actually they just flat out went up to my husband and said that I had taken this other person home with me. I have never met this person, that I was supposed to have taken home and the person who started the rumour doesn’t like me and I don’t know why. Now my husband is finding it hard to believe me even tho I went down and confronted the person i was supposed to have taken home. I’m almost starting to think I have a memory lapse problem… I just cannot fathom why someone would just make this up? I’m sick of feeling like I have to back myself up for something I didn’t do.
Sandy Carpio says:
I come from a family of gossipers. I’m the one that is gossiped about by 1 sister…my pet name for her is the pot stirrer. She has created a huge, non-repairable relationship between my siblings and I. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. The 4 are all way older than i am. The pot stirrer tells the other 3 about all of my fights with her. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer on March 14, 2011 (my 46th birthday) I let them all know via text messahe. Instead of asking me, the text the pot stirrer and she tells them that I am lying to get attention. I took care of my parents until they passed away in 2008. The pot stirrer used to talk bad about me to my parents. I worked a full-time job at night, 2 teenage athletic boys, my mother had Alzheimer’s and my father was diabetic. I would sleep 2-4 hours a day, IF I was lucky. I also took care of my siblings children and GRANDCHILDREN. The year my parents died, I was not invited to any holidays and the brother that was the executor of the will told me I was a freeloader and I lived with my parents for FREE. I was a single mom, my boys’ dad didn’t help me with my boys and my siblings refused to help me. The pot stirrer tells me all the time that the siblings have meetings about me all the time. If they were to see this, which I don’t care if they were to see this, I would get a phone call from one my nephews or nieces and they would try to get me to remove this because it degrades them. None of them listen to me when I try to make my case so these are the things I do. I have now changed my phone number and refuse to communicate with them, except for 1, I thought. Then, HE started texting me about crap. He does it again, I will change my number again and won’t speak to any of them. Ugh! I’m tired and did I mention, I am a stage 4 breast cancer patient. I am a 7 year survivor.
Sandy Carpio says:
I am the youngest of the 5 of us and I’m tired of all the gossip. I have a “pot stirrer” sister thatseems to create so much drama, it has created hurt feelings. I’m to the point that I don’t associate with the rest of my so-called family. My role in this “family” has ALWAYS been the caregiver. I took care of both my parents because I lived with my parents with my children after my divorce. My mother had Alzheimer’s and my dad, diabetes. Yet, to my siblings, I did nothing! I worked a full-time job at night, I had 2 young children and my parents, all at the same time. I couldn’t rely on my siblings, they had a job…like I didn’t? I was the only one with both of my kids under the age of 15. The pot stirrer always found something wrong with my caregiving, yet she couldn’t do it. Now, i have stage 4 breast cancer from all the stress on my body. I’m still getting all the drama and so much crap, i think if I don’t walk away soon, i could have a nervous breakdown. All the 4 do is gossip about me. Then, they bring it to me. HELP!!
TheHopeLine® says:
Sandy, Thank you for your blog comment. We are sorry you are going through all of this with your family. You have gone through many struggles and continue to do so. It’s important that you have a place that you can continue to talk about what is going on. We have a resource that may be helpful to you. We have a community of email mentors. If you sign up for an email mentor it would be a woman that you could email back and for with about anything for as long as you like. Your mentor will listen and help you with the drama and problems you are facing with your family and your health challenges. To sign up for an email mentor go to https://www.thehopeline.com/emailmentors
lillian dominguez says:
hello my name is lillian dominguez and some one is spreading real bad things about me that are not true and now i have people i dont even know following me every wear i go its sad because who ever is doing this is a real evil person like i say you cant belevie every thing you here there,s always two sides of the story
Will says:
Lilian, the same was done to me not long ago. Someone took a candid photo of me and sent it out in a viral post with gossip. These people truly are evil and predjudiced, I am still dealing with this. All I can say is have good friends and family you can rely on to keep you sane. My heart goes out to you.
Paul Rude says:
How can Shanera Gomez aka Shanera Keitt tell people she “dumps” them? The truth is she is told that she is not marriage material and gets really upset. Understandable. Shanera will go to any extreme to make it look like she is the prize.
LC James says:
I don’t get involved with gossip it’s like people encourage you to start and want you to get in trouble but it’s hard to keep your mouth shut on things
Gerri Stratton says:
Gossip is TRULY VERY HURTFUL; therefore, you would think it would be very strongly looked down upon and also preached against in our churches, where loving God and your neighbors are taught as Jesus’ answer to the most important two commandments. How on earth is gossip seen as loving? Instead … some ‘pastors’ gossip themselves, in different and unnecessary, unhelpful ways. Well, theres no way the people, then, wont pick up on that and pretty soon the church had the disease of GOSSIPITIS, or GOSSIPOPATHY,vwhatever, but the LORD cannot be happy … for this is HIS church if it is comprised by supposedly born-again, Bible-believing, Jesus-loving believers.
We MUST begin to speak out against it.
Believers will soon GREATLY need each others’ love and support. These are truly THE END TIMES. November 2018
Gerri Stratton says:
I see that thus cannot be edited, so I’ll add a Reply … When I think on this hurtful bad habit, it jumps out at me how a gossip is actually putting himself on a pedastal, subtly expressing and feeling his superiority … UF he truly wanted improvement in someone’s behavior without doing damage, would he/she not instead DISCIPLE the gossipee … go alongside him or her and gently help him to do something better or not do something … and why (Scripture)? I know, it doesnt always work and some people get angry or offended if anyone suggests there is something ‘wrong’ happening. But the Bible says a wise person will take kindly to correction. A proud fool wont. Tell that ‘fool’ you will pray … Then DO. Many people respond well to peaying WITH them … and asking them if there is anything they would like you to pray about … maybe even right then and there. It is a loving thing to do.
Gerri Stratton says:
I am sorry for typos … cataracts cause blurriness!
Anon says:
I’ve had people on DeviantArt make up lies about me like how I faked my attempt to commit suicide, that I’m dating myself and that my boyfriend is my alternate account, how I got banned from FA for “harassment” when I was actually banned because my account was mature locked (I appealed it afterwards) and how a random account on the site with no activity is apparently my alternate account. Worse, one of these people who made up lies about me hates Alaskan citizens so she took the fact that I live in Alaska and held it against me before claiming that I do nothing but sit on my butt and play games and that I “think” I’ll become an animator (I actually already was one to begin with before I retired) and went as far as insulting my characters, calling them “weird” when it didn’t even have anything to do with them. One of these people I can tell is probably jealous because I can animate and she can’t while the rest just flat out hate me and want to ruin my reputation by spreading lies about me. This is honestly why I’m sick of DeviantArt and I can’t wait to watch it die. A new, better art site would replace that hellhole in a heartbeat.
I mean, all this just because I wanted to share art. I had to get rid of two of my characters because of it.
Denis says:
How well respected prominent churchmen wilfully, maliciously & repetitively lie to destroy another’s reputation, that causes years of stress & brings one to the point of stress breakdown resulting in long term problems for the victim & on being found out say: ‘It was only a bit of fùn’ beggars belief & is sadistic. But they do it & get away with it all the time professing to be good churchmen. C
Scout Linskyn says:
Can we absolutely say nobody under this planet never gossip about in form or the other. The issue is that it’s difficult to stop gossip about personalities but we gossip about our state mayors, presidents and their administrative etc.
But whatever the case may be we have to stop.
Heidi says:
Gossip IS bad stuff. It is malicious, meant to maime, and a form of murder. People with a power agenda often gossip to ruin anyone who they think won’t do what they say. Not enough of a campaign against it in the churches – because church people like it. I’ve been victimized by these campaigns for no reason other than hatred – of which the human race has a good amount.
‘t
Nick Zarra says:
Someone secure with nothing to hide wouldnt care!
NO Gossip says:
here Nick is again letting us know how much better he is than we are. Nick I realize now you are a perprtrator and you are merely trying to ease your conscious by picking on those who understand how hurtful it is. Are you saved? Then read your Bible and the part about gossipers not going to Heaven, well there it is.
judy says:
If thr gossip is a lie and everyone believes it then you are destroyed for no reason
Nick Zarra says:
Only the insecure or guilty would even care about gossip!!
JW says:
i have to say that’s not true, it’s not just small minded but also not a very nice attitude to have..tho this may be true of some people but not stereotypical of everyone..there are people getting victimised for doing nothing and are suffering mentally because of another persons venomous tongue spreading toxic rubbish for the hell of it i suppose!! gossip hurts and is intended to slowly torture the recipient!!
NO Gossip says:
No Nick that is not true. The guilty and insecure may be victims of gossip too, but when you have been a victim (and I have) you know it, and your life is NEVER EVER the same. so nick stop being the problem. get a heart.
EMILY says:
True. I know a girl who left town because she was harassed over gossip that a vicious, jealous little witch started about her. There was nothing but lies the Witch spewed, but the poor, innocent girl had to pay for the sins of a gossip.
EMILY says:
I am not guilty of the things I have been accuse of and I am not insecure.A person who gossips tears a persons life apart and has even caused people to commit suicide.They can never hold their head up because some vicious, jealous person has totally destroyed them, even their friends turn against them. We all should stop the gossip’s by asking them “Where did you get this and is there any truth to it’? If they can’t prove it they should be told “Then shut your mouth”, Even if it is true, what is the motive to spread it around, could it be because they are trying to cover up their own sins?
Kurt says:
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder love to spread vicious untrue gossip about their current target to destroy his/her reputation. That is especially true when the conflict becomes open (after the falling of the mask).
EMILY says:
The sad thing is a lot of people love to hear gossip and it doesn’t matter if it is true or not. They think it makes them look like wonderful people, while the one being gossip about is rotten, when in fact it’s the opposite in God’s eyes.
EMILY says:
I found out years ago that most gossip is caused by jealousy and envy. A woman in the Church I go to gossips every time she opens her mouth. I think she gossips about others to try and make her and her family look better than the people that are doing the same thing as her and her family does. It doesn’t work, we all see through her, except the people who don’t know her.She has turned people against me by her lies and slander. I just hope those people will catch onto her for the liar, troublemaker,spiteful, mean, unchristian tongue wager she is.