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Top Two Reasons You Should Stop Lying PLUS How Liars Get Caught

In my blog How to Stop Lying I listed eight things you can do to help break the bad habit of lying.
But I don’t just want to give you tips on how to stop lying. I want to motivate you by giving you two very important reasons WHY you should stop.

Top Two Reasons You Should Stop Lying

First of all, NOBODY wants to be friends with a liar because liars can’t be trusted, and they hurt other people with their lies…often in order to protect themselves. If you desire any REAL relationships in your life, you need to be trustworthy.

Second, liars will eventually get caught, and deservedly so. Lying is a destructive force and it will catch up to you.
In fact, I want to use the rest of this blog to help protect people from liars. Below is a list of a number of signals to watch for if you think someone may be lying. It’s not going to be completely possible to know every time someone lies, but there are definite signs that should send up a red flag.

Ericka told me about some of the pain caused by the lying of her ex-husband: I have two young children (3 & 1) and just left their father because he was addicted to gambling. I always thought that cheating would be the worst, but I soon discovered that along with gambling came lie after lie. Our relationship was never going to improve without trust. Discovering his lying earlier could possibly have saved Ericka and her children some needless pain. Would that be possible? I believe it is possible by figuring out how to know if someone is lying.

Lying is a stressful behavior, and it causes people to act differently when they lie.

We’ve all seen people take lie detector tests on TV or in the movies. It is an effective instrument, not because it can tell right from wrong, but because it can reveal when a person’s body is reacting in a stressful manner. Because lying is so wrong, it can cause stressful behavior, showing signs we can detect through body language.

It is important to learn to read body language. How does a person act in normal circumstances? Notice normal eye, hand and body movements, and facial expressions during regular conversation. Then you will better notice when the body language changes…showing the stress of lying.

One of the easiest and best ways to tell if someone is lying is by looking into their eyes. Most people who are lying have a difficult time holding eye contact with the person they’re lying to. Jenna agrees: It is hard to tell when people are lying to you. But in my case, I found that when someone is lying, they don’t give you eye contact.

8 More Signs Someone May Be Lying to You:

How to Catch a Liar:

  • A lying person may become tense and freeze up while telling the lie. Others may move their body way more than normal.
  • A lying person may appear uncomfortable fast eye blinking, scratching, itching, swallowing hard, fidgeting, etc.
  • A lying person may look up and to the right.
  • A lying person may touch their nose or cover up their face or mouth.
  • A lying person may often raise the pitch or speed of their voice.
  • A lying person may present a wide-eyed, innocent look.
  • A lying person may create noticeable pauses in the conversation as they are trying to come up with something to say that fits the lie they are creating.
  • A lying person often tells a different version of their original lie the second time around.

You’re not always going to be able to discover if a person is lying to you, but usually if it feels like a lie, it almost always is.

My desire is to help both those who lie and those who have been lied to. I care for you equally. So, it is my hope that if you are in the habit of lying you will stop and think twice. Know that your lies will ruin friendships and you will eventually get caught. And if you believe you are being lied to, trust your gut and confront the person you believe is being dishonest. It will be best for both of you in the long run.

  1. I am only fourteen and most likely have lied about 1000 times really I can’t control myself

  2. Hi, I am really interested in this blog. I am a compulsive liar, and I don’t know why I do it. I don’t want to! But I do. My problem is, I really don’t lie about big crazy things, I lie about the littlest and stupidest things ever! For example- the other day my boyfriend texted me- and I didn’t respond for about a half an hour bcuz I was busy with our son. Instead of telling him that I was busy with our son I lied, and told him that I had just gotten home from my doctors appt (which I really did have- but I had been home for a bit by that point) I lied because I didn’t want him to think that I wasn’t responding to him bcuz I was doing something wrong- or something I shouldn’t have been doing. So I said I just got home- I was driving with our son, so I couldn’t text back. That just one example of the really stupid little lies I tell. I don’t know why I do it, and I truly don’t want to do it anymore!!!! Please help, what can I do to really really stop and gain his trust back! I truly love this man, and I know that if I lie one more time, big or tiny- it’ll be it for us.

    • I did something similar with my ex, she found out and we broke up. Lucky me, I now have a very forgiving girlfriend, and she helps me to stop lying.

  3. I have promised my partner on, about eleven occasions that I would not lie to him. And yet I have done so again, the thing is he knows when I am lying to him because my behaviour changes he has told me this so many times and I get better and then I dont, I have no idea why I lie to him he has always given me the freedom to do what I want, I have been chatting to an exboyfriend which I had my partners blessing I guess you could say. My ex wanted to meet up for coffee and a catch up. This would have been fine with my partner but my ex asked me not to say anything so I didn’t. I don’t know why l lied but my behaviour gave me away. Now I have lost my partner for an ex I dont trust. How ironic.

  4. I really need help, I lie like all the time. It could be big or small. Once, me and my friend cheated on a test and got in trouble after a couple of days, because the teacher found out our answers were the same. My friend’s parents don’t really care but mine do, so me and my friend set a new story up, saying I was innocent and my friend was copying off me, but I did not want to get her in trouble, so that’s one lie. The other time, my dad starting giving me vitamins for body health. I don’t want/like them but I am forced to take them. I got in the habit of getting a tissue, wrapping the vitamins up, and throwing them away. Well, my parents saw me holding a lump in my hands and asked what I was doing, and I said: ” Oh, throwing my rubbish away”. That’s another lie. I lie all the time, for big and small things and I’m trying my best to stop, but its so hard. All my friends don’t trust me now, because I lie with a very straight face, that even teachers and parents can’t see through. What am I to do? Is there hope?

    • there is hope I lied all the time with a straight face and some people believe me some didnt an there is hope u have to pray

    • I have the same problem I lied about having and eating disorder now no one trust me

  5. Same with me!

  6. i have been lying to my girlfrend soo much now i wann to quit lying to her cos we married now

    • I know this feeling , I lie to my girlfriend so much , yet I know I love Her. Its not her , it’s just my stupid habit of lying , even when I don’t even have a problem to lie about

  7. I hate the fact that I have no real reason to lie about things. I don’t usually have anything to hide, yet I feel the need to lie anyways. Take last weekend, I was a bit late coming home from a friend’s house because we were eating supper and finishing watching an episode or two of some TV shows, but when my mom asked why I came home so late (I was supposed to be back at ten, I came home at nearly midnight, I said we had a hard time getting the car started up. Now I just feel like an awful person.

  8. I can’t stop lying ,I lie to cover up things, but that was just the start, Know I’m even makeing up story’s even if I don’t have a thing to hide , I just can’t stop I lie to ever one I make up fake secrets ,story’s about my life I without having too please help is there even hope for me?

    • there is hop for u I starting lieng at 12 years old and I felt stupid now im 15years old and I got worse u have to pray and try not to do it agin

  9. I always lie about the stupidest things. I find my self creating story’s about what happened in my life which never did. I lie about the stupidest things which don’t require me to lie at all. For example yesterday i went to the hairdressers to get a trim before i went back to school and when i wasn’t thinking i asked the barber for a grade 1 on the back and sides (for the girls who don’t know a grade 1 is like basically shaven balled), i normally get an engraved parting too which i asked for and my parents have no problem with. When i left the hairdressers i realised that my haircut was ridiculously short and i had 4 days before i went back to school, anything short and stupid as the trim i got would normally result in a suspension from school. I decided to spin a lie and tell my parents that the barbers hand was nudged when he was shaving the back of my neck with the grade 1. Thankfully my mum was out (Who i’m scared of because she can read me like a book and knows when i lie and is well quite a shouty person). My dad was home and he is very mellow and we get on great, I told him the lie as i knew he would believe it as he supports me in the many arguments i have with my mum.
    When i realised i was lying i quickly called my mum and told her that the barbers hand was nudged and that i wasn’t to blame for the almost baldness on the sides of my head. when she got home from work (she knew i was lying) she asked me several times what happened to see if the story would change and if i wanted to admit which i didn’t !
    Eventually my mum drove me and my dad to the barbers and asked the barber what happened. I knew i was screwed because i didn’t tell them the truth when my mum gave me many opportunities to admit to my lie. Thankfully the barber who cut my hair wasn’t there but his boss was. The boss called the barber who cut my hair and I tried winking at the boss so he knew i was lying and i needed to get out of this. He understood but he couldn’t lie to a customer (which he told me when my parents drove off and left me at the barbers). So the boss told my mum and dad that the barbers hand wasn’t nudged and i did indeed ask for a grade 1 on my head. My parents were incredibly embarrassed and the boss offered to write a letter to my school telling them that it was their fault for the mishap with my haircut (Which my parents didn’t accept). When i walked home they shouted at me for two hours telling me how disappointed they were in me as i lied straight out to them and i didn’t tell the truth once. I’m now probably facing suspension in school until my hair grows back. I feel like i’ve let my parents down and that i have used my dad. i’m doing guilt exercises to eliminate the feeling of guilt i have. I feel terrible as i have now let my dad down as he always supports me in the arguments i have with my mum. I don’t know why i lied in the first place as it would have been so much easier to tell the truth.

  10. sometimes when my cuzin tells on me she gets really mad then ..we would yell at eatchother…….one time my cuzin told on me an said that I be hitten on my little cuzin…….then she told my aunt that I be popping my butt outsiie when I dont…and I told lies on her alot..an now I feel really stupid an. now I just wish could take it back cuz now I tell things outside of my house and thats not right…..an my auntie cant trust me like that no more so now all I can do is pray…

  11. I preach and I’m a liar. I feel terrible…. Later I am going to get on my knees before God. I can’t change the consequences, but I pray for the courage to face them. I hope this would be the turning point for me….

  13. I’m a horrible person. I lie all the time. I don’t know why….but I can’t help it. For example, I told my friends that I was bysexual. I don’t know why. I just thought that I needed atenntion. I’ve lied to all my friends. I told them that I have anger issues. I feel so stupid. All my kids then back on me though. My older brother knows I lie and he tells me “So someone told me you said this” And I’m even more stupid I’ll say “No I didn’t say that” or ” You or the person that told you probably heard me wrong ” In tired of lying. I hate myself for it.

  14. We are all born flawed.. And when we can admit to having a lying problem and seek other’s help I feel like people are capable of change. For me, it takes more effort to tell the truth than to be honest. I’ve hurt the man I love more than life itself, my future husband, my soul mate. And it is past the point of forgiveness. So I made a vow to myself that from today on out I will MAKE MYSELF tell the truth. Even when it hurts. Even when it is damaging to myself and hurts my self pride. “White lies” have taken over my life, but I’m taking my life back.

    • Hello ashlyn can we talk further about this in private?

  15. I have lied to my wife so much she doesent believe me when I tell her the truth. It is so bad because I love her very much she is a wonderful person. She deserves better .there is nothing I can do now she wants to divorce and even if I stop lying to her she won’t believe me. Once trust is broken it is so difficult to regain. Please don’t do what I did and lose the best thing in your life by lying.

  16. The one component missing here is self-compassion. Most people primarily lie due to some form of severe judgmental projection that exist in their life. Some liars can be transparent with most people outside of their loved ones. Each comment below is the fear of being rejected by a loved one. Ask yourself, in childhood which parent made you feel so inadequate you had to lie to them all the time because whether you were right or wrong you would have been judged? The author is right you should always choose a life of honesty. I just wanted to add though that the source of most lying behaviour stems from a wounded inner child to scared to be it’s authentic self.

    • I would like to tattoo your statement on my chest! This is me. How do I unravel this massive ball of twine of lies

    • That’s so me…I never meant to be a liar but it’s what I ended up becoming to be safe from judgement. Guess I deserve all the judgement anyway now

  17. I really like this series. It covers how to not be a liar period.

  18. u get more repect from ur love ones and build ur trust back. trust goes along ways an i believe once all ur trust is gone from someone they have nothing to earn it back with, if u stop lying an start tellling the truth before all of its gone they will have hope & respect for u, cause u are changing to bad habits. I totally agree that lying is a disease an addiction that can be stoped but only by urself!

    • Hello Tanya! Can we talk more about this in private plz?

  19. I keep lying to my wife, even when she finds out I’m lying I still lie about things. I want to stop doing this to not only be a better person but also to save my marriage.

  20. I am 13 and I lie a lot. My parents don’t trust me and I am always getting in trouble. I don’t know why I lie and why I can’t stop. I just say the first thing that comes to mind. Please help. I want to be trusted

    • I’m 11 and I lie too, and my parents don’t trust and I am always getting it trouble too. Please help.

  22. I been lying for the past 2 years now no one be leaves me when i tell the truth and now me and my girl friend split and we have a son together and now i have to showe her i can stop lying and i need help with my anger any one can help me with how to fix thing as in my lying my anger and how to get the love of my life back please help

    • everytime you speak, stop and think. You know what you truely feel and what truly happened. say that instead. even if you cry the whole time or it’s frustrating. Trust in God, find Him. I’m tellin you it will change your life.

  23. I have been telling the truth and it feels good.. But I still find myself lying and then I tell the truth right after i lie but I want to tell the truth all the time.. And they don’t believe me when I do tell the truth or they do

  24. I’m 37 and like many of us that I’ve read have a some things from our childhood that are fueling these pointless awful lies. I AM ONE OF THEM! What is really scary is that I’m starting to suffer brutally of memory loss because of a lifetime of dishonesty.I lie about everything for NO REASON. I don’t remember conversations I had yesterday because I probably lied.
    I’ve seen a few therapists because of the severity of my concern.What is so frustrating though is that every time I show legitimate concern to the therapists and they brush off my concern. I’m scared I’m going to lead a life of being alone.
    I’m THAT guy that everyone thinks I’ve got things figured out but I’m a brutal mess “upstairs”. Tomorrow is father’s day and I have a 2 year old that I’m scared for because he needs a HONEST MALE ROLEMODEL (FATHER)! He doesn’t know better right now but this has to stop!
    What do I do???

  25. Recognizing you have a problem is the first step and your desire to change shows you have a conscience. Sometimes having children helps us become better people for their sake. You can chat with a HopeCoach and we can help you find resources to help you overcome this. We are available 24/7 https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
    Also, check out the free eBook http://info.thehopeline.com/lying-ebook

  26. I’ve been in a relationship for 12 years with this woman I love with all my heart. The lying has always been there and it has cost me my relationship with her and also cheating was part of it. When I had the chance to come clean and put it all on the table I couldn’t do it. There is something inside me that holds me back from telling the truth and letting it go I can’t figure out what it is that holds me back. The word trust is the biggest part of the relationship and once its damaged or gone you have a tuff road ahead trying to save your relationship with that one special person. I’m now challenging myself to stop lying and be honest with myself and tell the truth. I’m also seeking help for its not easy to do alone. The only way I can save my relationship if possible with this woman is to show her that I want to change and be the right kind of person she fell in love with and show her I’m not a lie and I can be honest. I want to build her trust back in me. The biggest thing is I don’t want to be that kind of person known more for lying destroys who you are and makes you the wrong kind of person that know one wants to be around. I want to make Sharon proud of me and I want her to be able to trust me again. I will do this for me and also the love of my life. With gods help and lots of hard work I will over come this terrible addiction that has taken over my life. I’ve lied about things to her and other people and when she needed me to be there and stand up for her I wasn’t. The prayers that I say to god in asking for him to help me get through this addiction will be answered one day. I will over come.

  28. I’m only 13 and I’ve confirmed that I really, really have a bad habit of lying. My reason is to be accepted and be free of judgment. Honestly, I’m actually trying to stop but I can’t.
    When I envy someone, I lie. When I’m jealous, I lie. When I’m in a sticky situation, I lie. Some friends of mine are actually turning against me, and they don’t take me seriously because I’ve always told lies…please help me.

  29. I started lying about being pregnant after I lost my bf’s second babies.The first one devistated me that we lost.So,when I lost the second which was twins I didnt want to believe it and started believing and lying to people that I was still pregnant.After being 9 months my bf’s family brought it out in the open that
    I wasn’t pregnant.I hurt alot of people.My mom,daughter and bf are still by my side.and I’m trying to do my best not to lie anymore.

  30. I’ve been lying for a long time because I feel like I am ugly and uninteresting. I am not a good person and I don’t see how God can love me.

  31. My daughter has crashed and burned so many times for lying and just doesn’t get that this is ruining her life. Therapists and psychiatrist s just medicate which doesn’t help and she is caught in the cycle thinking depression and suicidal thoughts cause her lying and not the other way around. What can a parent of a young adult do? I wish there was some sort of a lye detector she could wear to alert herself… She does it so much she doesn’t even realize it. Addicted

  32. My Grandson has been lying for 5 years and we are having him write an essay about Why I Should Stop Lying. i read the Article s i know if he used more than 50 words from here but were starting to trust him sure he lye’s about something little and we remind him not too lye not in a rude way but not in a kind way either but he is starting to clean his act from only this Article. Whoever wrote this…
    T H A N K Y O U !

    • You’re welcome! We loved reading your comment and how this article has helped your grandson. He is fortunate to have a grandparent in his life that cares about him and wants him to be the best person he can be.

      • please help me

  33. I always tend to lie to mt boyfriend and i know its unhealthy for our relationship, but please can someone help me to stop this nightmare of addcition? I dont know but lying seemed to be my normal habbit now, is this normal? Gosh, please i need help.

  34. I need help and I hate myself for always lying to my girlfriend/fiance,I know its not normal and when I do so I know its wrong and I don’t feel right doing so but I still do it. I know I have lost her and she deserves better than me. Please God i need help before I do something that to myself. Not just lying to her but to my family also.

  35. I have lied to my wife about lots of things . I know that I have caused her great pain and the damaged I have caused by lying. I recently asked god into my life . I told god to take the bitterness out of my heart . I asked god to forgive me and to change me . I know there is a lot of work and repair I have to do . My question is how do I help my wife heal and move on besides from just telling the truth. I made a vow to God to be more open and honest and transparent with my life everyday . How do I help my wife heal after I have hurt her !

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