It seems everyone has been affected one way or the other by lies. Everyone agrees lying is a destructive habit that hurts you and everyone around you. So, I want to talk about the powerful and damaging effects of lying. So how does lying hurt all of us?
Everyone agrees that lying hurts you and everyone around you.
If you’ve ever been lied to, you know how difficult it can be to ever trust that person again. You can’t help but wonder why a friend or family member would treat you so poorly. I received a comment from Brooke, who said: My dad lies to us (my brothers and I) about going out to bars and drinking. He doesn’t think we will find out, but he is always wrong! I tell him how much it hurts us each time he does lie but he just keeps on lying. The worst lie he has told me was that he was with my brother and not at the bar, but I was with my brother.
When you lie, even if you think others will never find out, you will almost certainly create a barrier of hurt in your relationship. Rebecca said: I am a single mom of a teenage daughter. Her continuous lies have created a huge barrier in our relationship. I always catch her in lies and it hurts. The lying escalated to sneaking around doing things with friends I don’t approve of and that hurts.
Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it’s nearly impossible to regain trust. This has been Ally’s experience. She said: Once someone has lied to you, it somehow always happens again.
Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it’s nearly impossible to regain trust.
Jessie said: When I was little, I told lies all the time, and never felt guilty about them. But then something happened that I needed to tell someone about, and nobody believed me. My early lying paved the way for years of heartache. Now, I never lie. Ever. It’s just not worth it. When you need the trust of others that you’ve lost, it’s the worst feeling in the world.
So, what do you want your relationships to be based on? Lies that you tell, in order to protect yourself, or to avoid conflict. Or do you want relationships to be based on a commitment to honesty and integrity, regardless of the hard times? It’s up to you to decide.
When you lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go.
When you continue to lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go. It is a relationship destroyer that ends up destroying you.
A fellow blogger wrote to me about his problem with lying: I have a lying problem and it has been causing issues ever since I was a little kid. The worst part is how I have to constantly break ties with people so I won’t get caught in the lies I’ve told. So time and time again I find myself all alone, with no friends and a lot of places I have to avoid. And I can’t even blame anybody else because it’s my fault for telling those lies in the first place and then not being able to face up to them.
Lying destroys us because it takes us into a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to get free from. Once you tell a lie, you usually have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and you feel even worse. Steven H. said: Lies grow, they never stand alone, they need more lies to support the first lie. So, if you don’t fess up immediately…it grows like a cancer. It cannot be stopped.
Whitney said: “For me lying is like a drug, an addiction. I have become used to lying – it comes out without me even thinking or realizing I am doing it. To me, lying is so bad I sometimes think I’m lying to myself.”
It’s time for you to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of your life.
People who are trapped in a cycle of lying become controlled by a fear of not only being found out as a liar, but also having the truth uncovered about themselves. Jordan said: “I’ve lied to my parents a lot. They know almost nothing about me, except for who I pretend to be. I wish I could clear the air with them but I know they wouldn’t accept the true me, so instead I lie to please them. I wish I had told the truth.” Jordan fails to understand that he can clear the air with his parents and have the freedom of walking in the truth.
It all comes down to this: Lying comes with a huge cost – it destroys lives. Relationships will crumble and people will refuse to trust you. But the person most hurt by your lying is you. It’s time for all of us to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of our lives. Are you up for it?
You can overcome your compulsive lying habit! Listen to my podcast, where I help three people struggling with a lying habit that is destroying their lives.
19LudiS says:
I am experiencing something like an addiction and my parents are trying to find a therapist
brody winters!! says:
I’m having a problem with Lying.. its become a bad problem
Eileen says:
I just broke up with the love of my life. We are a mature couple and have been together for six years living in our own places. He had the opportunity to tell me two female friends were to visit him. When I arrived unexpectedly at his pool I playfully called him to say hi…he didn’t answer the phone…he walked to a private area and called me…saying hi sweetie…I miss u etc…..I then asked him where he was….he told me in his office…..he said he didn’t want to hear my comments if he told me the truth….needless to say I’m leaving the relationship….only need to pick up a few things…he seems very upset….I have a broken heart and will never be able to trust him….btw…when he called me back and lied over the phone…after he said he was working ….I asked him to look to the right and there I sat!!! Obviously he wasn’t as committed as I thought and his lack of respect for me was overwhelming….as so is my pain.
goose says:
In the heart and tongue of the one who lies this pain will dwell til the lieis broken
Hope says:
Trying to overcome the addiction to lying myself, I want to offer you hope. It’s easy to beat yourself up and feel like you are all alone but you are not. The thing is, EVERYONE struggles with something. These struggles come from living in a sinful world. We have choices and although you might feel that you “can’t help yourself” that in itself is a lie straight from hell. I think of any addiction as a stronghold. In order to break a stronghold, the first step to breaking it is you realize you have a problem. The second step is writing out goals on how you are going you break this habit. I’ve started by praying “I will watch my ways & keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth” (Psalm 39:1). I have overcome other strongholds in this manner. There is power in the word of God to break every chain that binds you. The Lord is full of mercy and grace and he is just to forgive every sin. Lying is sin. Period. And calling it what it is is another step in overcoming it. The good news is God promises to complete the good work he started in you and he will see you through this if you trust in Him with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. He loves you just were you are. Forgive yourself too (this is one of the hardest things to do). You are not a bad person because you lie. Lying is wrong but it does not define you if you are a child of God. Confess your sin and turn from i
Francky says:
Thank you so much Hope for your encouragement, I am actually paying for my lies as I have completely lost the confidence of my family. I believe the only way is to trust God more and recognize how sinful my behavior was. There is a solution to overcome that addiction, which is absolutely an addiction. And that solution is the Word of God.
Be blessed abundantly
perry says:
Heyy i have the same issue , he also lied to me about meeting his ex which broke my heart.into.pieces and i left him as well. Are you still.broken ? Could you do that ? Did you get back together ?
Eileen says:
Yes….we went back together…only to breakup three months later….then back again. Right now I’m the one replaying that day at the pool over and over in my head…..I’m am obnoxious and I can’t even stand myself….we are considering ending our relationship….we are circling the drain as my friend put it
valerie says:
My boyfriend always lie.. And i chose to tuciturn to avoid hearing lies from him because everytime that he lies i get hurt ,mad then i end up forgiving him again. Its a cycle , im now beginning to question my self worth.. Asking myself whats wrong with me that he always lie to me.
mwilliams says:
My husband lies through manipulation. My whole family loves him but they call him “the master manipulator”. He greatly exaggerates stories either make them more or less depending on what he wants to achieve with the person he’s telling the lie to. Its embarrassing and a turn off. I’ve called him out the last 2-3 years. Things got really bad for a while because of me standing up to him. But it’s gotten better. He still lies but not as much….at least to me. He still lies (manipulates) everyone else. I don’t trust anything he says to this day.
Wombat says:
Hi MWilliams -wondering how you maintain a relationship with someone you don’t trust. I don’t see how that can be done.
MCNY says:
I had the same problem with my husband who I’ve been married for 21 years. He stayed out late and told me he worked late. Went to a pool party and told me has a project to complete… I lost the trust I had for him. I don’t know when he I’d telling the true and when is not. I really wish I can be like you, just leave him, get myself out of the situation. My sons begged me not to separate with his dad because they need both of the parents. I am stuck.
C says:
your children are to young to understand that the decisions that is best for you and your children is for you to leave your husband.
Tommy says:
I have a question and need help my girlfriend says she does not lie but yet she says she will lie about things not to hurt my feelings is that the same as a lie?
jay kay says:
yes it is, its not your feelings she’s concerned about, its protecting herself. this is both selfish and wrong, tell her bluntly that you want the full truth, (you’ll know if she’s being honest with you) if she gives you it, work things out and learn to trust her, if not then walk away now or forever be wondering if your losing your sanity
Kevin says:
I have a friend who lied to me about something and it hurt me real bad. I never wanted to talk to him ever again. But I followed what the Bible says and keep going with life. He still lies to me (even times when where talking about someone) and has never stopped since. I don’t know what to do anymore but just to do what the Bible says and try to work it out. Can anyone help me give advice or something I should do.
TheHopeLine® says:
Sometimes it is wise to set up a boundary to protect yourself. Even when you forgive someone God doesn’t expect you to still have an ongoing relationship with someone who is untrustworthy or harmful to you. You can chat with a HopeCoach anytime 24/7 for advice about relationships and a listening ear. We care and we understand – https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
BER says:
I’m a teenage girl and I live with my grandparents. My grandfather works during the day and doesn’t come home till after I’m asleep, so I only see him on the weekends. My grandmother is retired, so I see her all the time. I love my grandparents alot and I’m grateful for how they took me and my twin brother in out of no where. The only problem is that I have a really bad problem with lying we have been struggling with this around two years now. There’s a bad problem where I do good for a little while then I break down again, then we argue and my grandmother is mad at me again. We have both decided that this is the last straw, I’m writing this now in hopes that someone out there will have some advice for me.
Deseree Willacker says:
Hi BER. I read your post and couldn’t help but wonder if you ever got that advice you were looking for and how you’re doing now? If you still feel like you need someone to talk to I’d love to try to help 🙂
For now though I just want to say that anger is really pain in a tough guy suit. Try to keep that in mind when you’re thinking about these fights you’re having with your grandmother. It might help to give you a different perspective on things.
Pete says:
I became friends with a girl last November, I just wanted someone to talk to, an ear to listen to me and someone that I could confide in, anyway, at the start of the friendship we became intimate, we would see each other every second or third day and we would talk a lot about the stuff that I did when I was younger and she would talk about the stuff she had done
Did you ever get a gut feeling that something was not quite right about someone and you could not put your finger on what it was, after a few months I told her that I had to stop the intimate part of our friendship and that we could only be friends, she was upset and annoyed but said that it was OK and agreed that is was for the best.
As time went by I began to fall in love with her, she damaged her finger in work and we would see each other everyday while she was out of work, so that is when I fell in love with what I thought was the best person to have come into my life, she was funny, held a good conversation and she made me laugh,
She talked about another friend she knew in another country and would often visit him but told me that they were only friends and nothing more, she would go as far as saying that she did not find him attractive and he was not her type, I would tease her about this and even called him her far off boyfriend.
To cut a long story short, it turns out that he was her boyfriend and that she was in a relationship for the past 6 months with him, this hurt so deeply with me that I felt that she had betrayed my trust in her ( I let down my barriers and walls for this women ), I got so angry that I said things in the heat of the moment and could not control my emotions and it was very nasty, I have never felt as empty, lonely and sad in my whole life as I do now, I found out that everything she said to me was lies, she used excuses about her family, her health, her job and her new boyfriend.
It got to the point that when I confronted her with the evidence of her lies that she blamed her friend that told me about her.
She has not spoken to me in nearly 6 weeks, she made me angry so that she could block me on all social media just to make herself feel good about what she did, so why do I feel so guilty about this when she was a compulsive liar ?
Chandra Pellman says:
remember if you are married and split it is always the hardest on the kids. I’m 14 and my parents said they are done once I move out it is one wave of depression after another.
Deseree Willacker says:
Chandra I’m sorry to hear you’re hurting and struggling. Situations that involve broken, damaged, or changed relationships are never easy but sometimes we make them harder on ourselves than they have to be because we get stuck in an unspoken commitment with ourselves to believe certain ideas are absolute when they might not be. Being as young as you are you haven’t yet experienced the devastating effects of a life together falling apart. And hopefully you never will have to experience that. I know right now it probably feels like it’s not possible for your parents to be hurting as badly as you are, let alone more so. But don’t let those feelings fool you into becoming bitter or resentful toward your parents. I assure you, even if you can’t see it or feel it, they are hurting too. It’s not your job to worry about their feelings so please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying to you. It is beneficial to take their feelings into consideration though because it helps to prevent you from adopting a perspective that will only lead you to more pain later.
I can recommend ways to help you work on trying to resolve what is leading you toward depression and suggest you consider that there may be other untrue thoughts and unnecessary fears inside yourself that you’re not currently consciously aware of. Once you identify those thoughts and fears you can work to eliminate them which will really help to ease some of the pain and burden you’re feeling now. A good starting point, for example, could be to ask yourself…”how do I think my parents’ divorce will affect me? Do I know for sure that is what will happen? Is it possible that it won’t affect me in the ways I think it will?”
And maybe sharing my experience with you can offer you a little hope….I was 8 years old when my parents got divorced. I was quite a bit younger than you are and I’m sure that contributed to my feelings at the time because I wasn’t mature enough at that point to think as deeply as you do at 14. I wasn’t upset or afraid at the prospect of them splitting during the period leading up to final split when my dad moved out. But I was confused because my parents played a lot of games and put my sister (who was 3 at the time) and me in the middle of them. We got a lot of mixed messages and were too young and inexperienced in life to understand at that point. I can remember everyone else being more concerned about me than I was and feeling suffocated by that concern. For example, my school had a special counseling group for kids of divorced parents. I don’t know if my parents requested they include me, or if a school counselor thought it would be best, or how I ended up added to the group. What I do know is being forced to go to that group, during recess, when all I wanted to do was go outside and play was more distressing to me than what I was supposed to talk about in the group. I wasn’t trying to avoid the topic, I just simply didn’t feel the need to talk about it because it wasn’t bothering me the way they made me believe it should be. After I got through that hurdle and was allowed to continue living my life and dealing with the situation the way that suited me I was better able to see what was happening and how their divorce did affect me. I noticed that after school, when I got home, the atmosphere was so much more peaceful. There wasn’t tension or fighting. My mom wasn’t so consumed with what was happening between her and my dad and how she felt about it anymore and started paying more attention to me. We got closer. My dad would get us on the weekends and go out of his way to give us everything he could….probably because he felt guilty about not being there full time and was trying to compensate for it. But in reality, he was rarely there at all before the divorce….at least not when we were awake. And both of them were emotionally unavailable to us regardless of whether they were physically there. So their divorce led to stronger relationships for my sister and I with each of our parents individually. Instead of this great loss that I was told to expect I gained attention and interaction…plus trips to places we never went before and all the coolest new toys 😉
My advice is to be open to the possibility that things may not work out the way you expect them to because they rarely ever do. Not sure if you believe in God or what the Bible says but I find it reassuring to know that God always has our best interest at heart and will lead us to better things than what we thought we wanted if we’re willing to let go of what we want and trust what he has waiting for us will be better.
One last thing….worrying about the future serves no good purpose whatsoever. Worrying isn’t going to change things you have no control over. What worrying will do is prevent you from experiencing the peace and joy available to you in the present because you’re not living in the present when you’re worrying…you’re living in the future…which doesn’t even exist yet.
I hope you find the strength and peace you need and deserve while you’re dealing with this. If I’ve helped at all and you want to talk you’re welcome to look me up on facebook or email me desereewillacker@gmail.com. Take care.
Lucy says:
I would love to hear your opinions on my situation. I can’t seem to get my head around this and feel so much anger.
When I was 37 years old – after dating 3 years – I had said to my boyfriend ” I want to have a family and we have been together 3 years. If you don’t have the same goals as I – then lets part and go our separate ways”. He said ” I love you and want the same thing and I want to spend my life with you “. So we stopped being careful when we had sex. within 1 month I was pregnant. The day I announced I was pregnant – he looked like I had just told him that his mother died. He was clearly not happy. Obviously I was confused and not understand what happened. Time went on and we fought like crazy – I scheduled abortions / cancelled them. Rough time. 4 months later – he proposes officially. I accept but Im not so excited anymore. The birth of our daughter was approaching and we got married before she was born. Our first year of marriage was hell. A true narcissist. I was constantly criticized . Making a very long story short. 6 years later – I cannot handle the constant criticizing anymore and decide to ask him to leave. He leaves – we remain separated for 5 years . He keeps promising to get help for his anger management issues. 10 years from the date we got married. He decides to tell me the truth because all this time, I keep saying I just don’t understand why you behave this way with me. And this is what I get. ” the day you asked me if I wanted a family, I lied to you. I was not in love with you and I was trying to break up with you but I did not want to give up the sex. Then you got pregnant . Now I am livid and angry beyond words that I gave up my dreams and married a phony. I had a child with this phony who lied to me. Now I understand the constant criticizing which he says has nothing to do with anything. He says once he decided to marry me – he was going to stay married forever. I am so angry and he seems to have zero remorse. I feel like I need revenge. I feel like I want to sue him just to sue him – NOT for the money. I really cut out a lot of what happened but this is the main lie I am having a really hard time with. Thank you for your opinions.
Ramona McCoy says:
I am an adopted child,I have been trough things a child should not go trough,but i am a survivor. My adopted mother said a lie to the family. know the family wont show up to my anniversary party they are ignoring me due to her lie. the same thing happen on my wedding day. no one went to my wedding. and is all due to she babies her daughter. and she is the one that starts it all with all her mistakes. but she takes care of the issues she has but mom steps in and gets the hole family in a pickle. I don’t like to lie i don’t gain anything from it so why do it. I am so upset with this my guess are not coming due to this as my guess are most family. how can i leave them behind. I don’t want there drama no more is just one after another.
Alex Sandoval says:
Who is the author of this post?
TheHopeLine® says:
Dawson McAllister radio host for Dawson McAllister LIVE at https://www.thehopeline.com/dawsonradio
ansley says:
I to have a lying problem and I can’t really get out of it. can I please have some help.=(.
Denise says:
I was swept off my feet 2 1/2 years ago by this charming man. The night I met him he told me that he lost his wife and daughter in a car accident and he cried. He had me in tears feeling so bad for him. Very long story short after spending thousands of dollars on him and using my credit to get him a place to live I kept finding proof of his lies. When I would confront him he would continue to lie. I knew in my gut he was full of it. I gave this man everything…..my entire being. I believed all his charming words and that was what was so confusing to me. I didn’t have an ounce of trust for him and he knew that. Finally because I was getting close to finding him out he ended it with me which he actually did me a favor. I ended up finding the wife he said he lost and spoke to her. She said her and her daughter were alive and well and that he isn’t even the father of this girl. I couldn’t believe that any human being could lie about such a heartbreaking thing. That was just the beginning of the absurd lies he would tell me. He always felt like he had to earn admiration from everyone through gifts and flowers. He always used to say “I’m a good man” or “I’m a stand up guy” I was shocked beyond belief when I found out what a lying cheating rotten person he truly is. That’s why he can’t keep a relationship. I have never in my life felt so betrayed and decieved. I just wish there was something I could do because I know he’s already moved on to his next victim. This all just happened a week ago.
Riffk Art says:
Hi all,
I wish we were discussing on better terms. I just can’t seem to escape habitual liars. I recently tried to like dating after a horrible relationship with a guy in out of jail. I was free from him and healed. I decided to date on-line I meet a guy who wanted a serious relationship swooped me up quickly with attention phone calls sexting. He called me his wife made promises. Told me I was getting Queen treatment. Cancel any dating site I was on. We’re going to write our love story to dating site. We found true love. I later found him on multiple dating sites with a updated shirt he wore around me. He said his email updates his site when he changes pics. I flew to his city twice a month for a weekend. After I found him on site I tried to cancel my ticket but still went. Just to find 2 wine glasses in the sink. Condoms rappers open missing condoms. My dress I left was taking down folded in a ben. I was furious. Hurt betrayed. The pain is horrible. I really thought I was his future. I was just a toy in his player pin. My anger led me to try to hurt him back. He is a genius at this so he ignored all my pain. Turned cold shoulder. Told me to leave him alone. All I wanted was an answer. He kept up his lie. Um just something that was. Now my heart mind soul is in rage for the truth. 1 week fresh out of break up. Sadly exposed.
Randy Medina says:
Havent you heard the old saying “One lie can ruin a thousand years of reputation!” My ex lied constantly about everything and i stayed for the sake of our son whom i took care of while she left to “work” everyday. Got to the point i avoided talking to her and gave simple answers to her when i had to. Aweek ago she left with our son and wont let me see or talk to him, she said it was all my fault because i wouldnt pay attention to her anymore. Now im paying for it i lost my whole meaning to life my son! I am hurting but at the same time im liberated point is it is destroying my son! NEVER LIE its more damaging than most people believe.
Mags says:
A lie an omission what ever you want to call it it is the same
It destroys trust that can never be regained no matter how much you love sone one
jasmine vidrine says:
not true. if proven your actions and stopping a habit you will eventually re-earn trust. no matter what happens your family and friends will always be able to help you and will always love you. speaking from experience this coment is very hurtful to people who are trying to break this habit and only encouraages them to stop. please dont bring others down and always think positive !
Linda says:
When i was a kid i used “white lies” to make others less worried and to avoid conflicts.
I was afraid to ask for a support from others always try to do myself everything.
I believe there is work for parents with kids- not to get angry with their mistakes but support and teach them.
Now in my adults life i done a terrible mistake and lied to my friends and only now i realise how important is trust in relationships cause it’s not easy to fix.
I knew lie has short legs and it’s nothing new. And my belief is – your inner child always learn from experiences.It’s all good to suffer-to feel-to forgive-to love.
We’re humans and we learn all life isn’t?
Shannon says:
Very informative. If only my liar (he’s a narcissistic, mean/scary pathological liar. I’m an empath, HSP, INFJ. I don’t stand a chance of surviving w/ sanity intact.) of almost 30 years is killing me. It’s a long, slow, confusing, and painful way to live. His compulsive lies seem to have gotten worse w/ age/time. The nonsensical BS he feeds me on a daily basis is maddening. Questions are NOT allowed. Any question I may ask, is answered w/ rage & disdain. My asking any question at all, causes him to scream & curse & especially deflect.
After living together for 29 years. It’s obvious he is unwilling to change for the betterment of the relationship, no matter how much honesty I beg for.
If my only option is to leave & go no contact, please someone offer me advice on how to do so. Everything we own, we acquired together. (I was only 19 when we got our first apartment) I want & need out so badly, but feel kinda frozen in fear to make the first jump. Can anyone relate to my situation & possibly offer MUCH needed advice.
Thank you,
Hopeless – no light at the end of my tunnel. Not even a flicker.
( I need love, joy, security & honest partnership…
Do they even exist anymore?)
Anon says:
Shannon.. have you found a way out yet? Your post is me. I cant do it anymore but I have nothing that is mine or me anymore. His lies have broken me. Big, small.. they are always there and I dont understand why. Fed up living in this bs.
Joey says:
The first step to everything is the hardest and toughest. But it’s a good thing you know what you want. We’ve all been blinded by love at a point in our lives. But it’s always a good sign when you start being objective and not sentimental. There’s someone out there also searching for someone(a honest person) like you. Make this step and there’ll be no regrets whatsoever in future