Finding someone you love who loves you in return can be difficult. Then learning how to deal with conflicts within a relationship can be painful, as well. But there is an entire additional level of stress when, for some reason, you discover your parent(s) disapprove of the person you are dating.
This can make any dating relationship difficult and put a strain on your home life.
When you discover your parents strongly disapprove of your bf/gf, your first inclination will be to pull away from them and continue your dating relationship behind their back. This doesn’t do anybody any good. Never secretly date someone your parents don’t want you to date. Having secrets and lies between you and your parents ruins trust and causes needless stress and drama which will affect your self-esteem, grades, and even your other friends.
Just because they are your parents and you don’t agree with them, that doesn’t make them dumb. Although far from perfect, they have years of experience and wisdom that you don’t have yet. This might enable them to see the character faults in your bf/gf a whole lot easier than you, especially if you’re blinded by the deep emotions you feel for your bf/gf. It is worth pushing pause on your anger and emotions and considering whether your parents may be right. They have the advantage of perspective…they realize over 90% of high school dating ends up not working out. Parents remember their own good and bad choices while dating. They just want you to be protected from bad consequences that could affect the rest of your life.
The fact of the matter is, that most people spend very little time researching and getting to know the other person before they start dating them. They just jump into the relationship. Many parents’ fears are well-founded. They have fears of unwanted pregnancy, date rape, drug use, physical abuse, or simply having their children get a needless and unnecessary broken heart.
First of all, just because your parents don’t like who you’re dating doesn’t mean they’re toxic. It’s okay for them to have concerns–they love you, and they want your life to be easy and fulfilling. However, it’s pretty common for toxic parents to be hard to please, and if you’re working to address some conflict with them over your romantic partner, but they’re being unreasonable, there might be some toxicity in the family.
How do you know if your parents are toxic? Common signs of toxic parents are:
If you think you and your parents may have a toxic dynamic, the first thing you need to realize is that you cannot change them. They are who they are, and you can only change how you cope with and relate to them. A licensed therapist can help you figure out how to negotiate healthy boundaries with folks who aren’t necessarily going to respect those boundaries, so seek out counseling to address difficult family dynamics.
Carolyn commented that her response to her parents’ dislike of her boyfriend was to ask other people what they thought. They [my parents] said he lied, cheated, and I shouldn’t be involved with him. They also said he pushed me around too much. So I thought about what they said and talked to more people. The more people I talked to, nobody wanted us together. It wasn’t just my parents. Chances are, your parents have more wisdom than you do and it’s a good idea to take their advice.
Solomon, the man God blessed with the greatest wisdom in the Bible, said something very similar. He said, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22 He also went on to say, “A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash.” Proverbs 15:14
Be wise here. Search for knowledge about your bf/gf from many people, including your parents, and take their advice seriously.
The best thing you can do is to sit down with your parents and calmly, with great respect, ask what it is they don’t like about your bf/gf and what you can do to lessen their fears and objections. Another question you could ask them is, “What should my bf/gf do to win your trust?” Be willing to listen to what they have to say. Never argue with them about it. That never works. It only shows them you are too immature to be in the relationship they are so worried about.
They will appreciate your desire to learn from their wisdom and respect their point of view. Remember, most of the time they are right and who wants to gamble with the few times they might be wrong, just for the sake of having a bf/gf.
Ask your parents if they would be willing to meet with your bf/gf and have them explain their reservations to him/her. If your bf/gf refuses to meet with your parents, that’s a sure sign he/she is not respectful to you or your parents.
Sometimes parents’ expectations for whom you should date can be too high, but often your expectations are too low. Are you willing to settle for someone who might be harmful to you in the long run, just because they appear to show interest in you in the short term? Your parents can help you answer that question without all the emotional fog you are experiencing.
Most parents will appreciate a bf/gf who treats you with respect and honesty. Someone who makes you a better person. If they observe that you are often sad or hurt, those are red flags for them. They will also appreciate someone who cares enough for you that they are willing to make an effort to get along with them.
As you identify the problems and come up with the plans to fix them, you will be well on your way to a more healthy and positive relationship between you, your bf/gf, and your parents. Don’t forget, while boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, parents are forever.
How do you go about protecting and guarding your heart? Click here for the lies and truths on how to guard your heart in relationships.
Shelly says:
I love someone who’s black and my parents don’t approve. I’ve been hiding it from them talking to him. What should I do?
Kayleythehelper says:
First you need to ask yourself if you really love him and if he really loves you. You need to know if its serious or your parents may not take you seriously. If they haven’t heard about him before, try introducing him as a friend and let your parents see him in a perspective other then your boyfriend. If this method has been working and your parents think he’s a nice guy then sit them down and break the news to them. Try doing this on a day when your parents are in a good mood. Try doing chores without them asking you for the day, and when you can see they are impressed with you, tell them.
If the reason they don’t like him is because he is black, if they haven’t met him or know that he’s black, try talking about him, not mentioning that he’s black, only talk about his good sides, but don’t let it slip that you’re dating. Then if they think he sounds nice, introduce him to your parents. They will be a little shocked, but if they heard all this good stuff about him, they might accept it.
If they have met him, and still disapprove, then try talking about this new guy, but make sure your bf doesn’t know or it
Juliet says:
I’m in the same sort of situation but mine is not colour mine is to do with country and I’m scared to let the person who likes me that I dnt feel the same even tho I do have a bit of feelings I only wanna tell him I’m not interested in a relationship so no war starts in my family because of a boy that I know my life will not last with and we are only 16. I just don’t know how to put it to him that I dnt feel the same way. It’s hard when ur parents are discriminative with which country someone is from.
Elizabeth R says:
my parents are the same way. my brother has the same issue. He doesn’t really care what people think. if you really like this person i say go for it! even if its yor parents. but don’t let that person get in between yall. your parents love you.
Charlotte says:
recently I have been seeing this guy, he is 6 years older than me. I have been with a person older than me before and it didn’t work so I understand that my mum will be anxious when I tell her but I am afraid that because he dresses a little more casual than most and because he has gone through a lot in his life my mum would be afraid I will become his counsellor. I just do not know what to do when I tell her because I am scared she will say I should not be with him but he hasn’t hurt me or the people in my life, he is honest with me and people do not say bad things abut him. he just lacks a little self esteem, what should I do?
Jay says:
Well i’m 14 years old and i understand that’s a little young to be dating but i’m actually quite mature for my age . i started dating my current boyfriend about 2 months ago and we were together before(for 1 year) , we just decided that maybe it was time to split . so everything has been great until my mom found out that he does drugs (he is the same age as me) and ever since then she has said nothing except negative things about him. He respects me and i respect him and i feel as if no matter what he does she shouldn’t judge him. we go to different schools and we haven’t seen each other at all since we have been together . my mom and him talked on the phone and it didn’t go to well . my mother says that since he doesn’t “respect” her , he won’t respect me . but this has been going on for a while now and i’m stressed and frustrated and i have noticed it has brought my whole mood down lately because i think i am torn between the two. i have no clue what to do , can you help me ?
Brittney says:
You are 14. Choose your mom over a boy because I hate to break it to you but most 14 year olds don’t usually stay with their one and only forever while family is forever
guest says:
You should keep your mother, as boyfriends come and go, but parents are forever. If you can talk him into trying to show your mother that he respects her, then you might be able to keep them both.
Bre112345 says:
I need help …I’m 15 and my bf is 17 but my parents really don’t like him anymore …we dated for a year and 7 months …his mom loves me but its just my parents think he’s to old and yes but my mom did the same thing with my stepdad .he was 2 years older than her also … We text and as we got further into our relationship he started talking about inappropriate things and I totally agree with them when it comes to that but the age thing , that’s not fair
Cardi says:
I’m literally dealing with the same thing except his mom passed away but his dad and stepmom love me and my mom dated older guys all the time, but they refuse to meet him for small things and are making threats to me to take stuff away if he shows up at any functions or places I’m at. Girl in the midst of this bs I can tell you that just love your bf and don’t let this ruin things. Before you know it you guys will be older and it seems so far now, but if it is meant to be it will all work out how it should. Don’t stress a thing.
emma says:
i dated my boyfriend for 3 years ,, with my parents pretending to like him ,, we recently decided that we were going to have tie out for a short period , to give our selves time to miss each other… when y parents found out that i was back with him i was told if i was going to be with him i wasnt aloud to live at home , so in the moment of a huge fight i left,, they explained that they have never liked him saying that i was never aloud to come home while with him ,,, they started thretening him … i made the decision that it was to hard having to watch our backs all the tie and left him.. my step dad then made a thret to y ex that if you cought us talking that he will be paying him a visit ……… i have been talking to him still and trying to see him but its so hard without getting cought … how do they expect you to go from being with someone everyday for 3 years to not talking to them at all
Marley says:
I noticed this was a year ago so I was hoping you could give me some friendly advice. I’ve 17 and my boyfriend is 19 and we have been dating 2 1/2 years and my parents all of sudden forbid me to see him (never truly liking him in the first place). Luckily I don’t think its come to the point of discussion that I have to move out, but it is very obvious that they will do anything in their power to make sure we don’t see each other. What do you think I could do to change their minds on how they feel about him?
Johnny says:
I’m in the same exact situation as u and also the same age but I got advice from a friend of mine and he told me to just go on with ur daily life and let whatever happens ride out bc in the long run you’ll be of age to do what u want without ur parents and quite honestly our parents aren’t gonna be around forever were gonna make our own decisions in life and Learn from our mistakes but What I said before just do u and ride out the storm and have a back up plan on ur contacts change his name to something else (a fake name) so if ur parents go threw ur phone they won’t see him
Luiggi says:
I’m 13 years old and I’ve been dating this girl for 3 days. We both liked each other but we never told each other until last week so that’s when we began dating. So after 3 days she tells me that we have to break up because her dad doesn’t want anybody dating her for the moment. Her dad doesn’t even know that she is dating me but he was close to finding out. Now we broke up but we still like each other and want to continue dating but we don’t want to get her in trouble for dating me. Her dad hasn’t even met me yet, but we really want to continue dating. What should I do?
Wilkerson Alexis says:
My Parents said when I was 16 I was aloud to date. I am 16 now and I started liking my ex’s younger brother who is in my grade. My parents found out that I liked my ex’s younger brother and told me that I wasn’t aloud the date him since I dated his brother and did things with him. I went behind my parents rules and started talking to my ex’s younger brother more and got really attached to him and caught mad feelings for him. We are going out behind my parents back but my bf doesn’t know that. My parents found out that we were dating and know I am like in some deep trouble. What should I do?? I really like this guy and don’t want us to end. I could never ask for a guy like the one that I am with right now. Can you’ll please help me?? I really need some good advice on this and I don’t know what to do. My bf already talked to his parents about me and she really doesn’t care. I want to convince my parents that I really like him and that we should be together. If me and my bf were a mistake then my parents are going to have to let me learn from this mistake instead of me being on punishment. Do you think it’s right for my parents to put me on punishment for this??? Please help!!
Anika says:
so im not allowed to date and i did and my parents found out but i didnt break upi with him and i really want my parent to approve and let me date him what should i do
Stephen clark says:
I’m in love with this girl she’s now 18 and I’m 15 we’ve been on and off for almost a year and a half now my parents don’t like this certain girl because she is so much older but I need help telling my parents that I’m in love with her.
danielle says:
i’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 5 months and i love him but mum wants us from stop seeing each other what do i do??!
Demi says:
I’m 35 and my parents interfere in every relationship I’ve had. Consequently they never last more than 3 or 4 months. They are really good at breaking “us: up. As soon as they feel like they’re losing control over me, they go nuts. I know I can take care of myself at this age. At what point in your life is all this a much of BS?
Julia says:
I’m a freshman in high school and I’m dating a sophomore. He respects me and said that he wouldn’t push me into doing anything but my parents think that because he’s 15 and I’m 14 we can’t be together even though when my mom was my age she was dating a junior. When I brought it up she got mad and said tht this wasn’t about her. He’s my first bf and i really care about him and he cares about me. We’ve barley been together for two days and they’re saying tht we don’t know each other as well as we should so I have to break it off. I don’t want to and I don’t know what to do anymore!! ;_;
malais says:
well i would just keep it a secret and when u go out on a date just bring a friend with u and say u going to the movies 🙂
John says:
This is y I never told my parents about my gf and she never told her parents I’m almost 16 and she’s 14 and I knew that if she told her parents they would freak out thinking that I would do something
Damola Ola says:
Actually, I have been in a relationship too but I regret it becus it affected me academically spiritually and morally. All I would say is that we should all be careful of how we handle relationships. Now that I’ve stopped dating,there is a better change in my life. Am not saying no one can date. If you wanna date, you have to be WISE!!!
John Harding says:
Same thing is happening to me brav
Elizabeth R says:
i can relate kinda. i like this sophomore too and hes 15 but my parents dont approve of him. not because hes a grade older but because they dont agree with how we “talk” i guess you could say.
desperate girl says:
Hey am 18 and my boyfriend is 22 ..he’s perfect and any girl would wish dating him .but the problem is my parents disapprove him because they don’t like his relatives and they have banned me from talking to him .but I feel this guy is the one and many friends know him to be kind honest and amazing .what should I do ? Parents strongly disagree .should I continue and go against their will as am doing now ??
no name. says:
Hi I’m almost in the same situation as you. Did you continue being with your boyfriend against their will?
Lexy says:
I’m 16 and me and this guy use to date when I was in 8th grade and he was a Freshman. We had broken up he got with someone else. Well now I am a Sophomore and he’s a Junior and there’s a chance we might get together again but my mom doesn’t approve because of the first time we broke up. I really like him and we always find ourselves going back to each other. I don’t know what to do?
Brittney says:
Think about the reasons you keep breaking up, if it’s really that consistent it’s not meant to be.
a.s says:
im a boy and im muslim and now dating a black girl my mom does not know cuz im scared she might tell me to dump her i like her
Mandiiii says:
I like this guy that’s 18 turning 19 and I’m 16 turning 17 but my mom doesn’t approve because he has a kid so she forbids me to see or talk to him. But we still talk to eachother what do I do to make her understand that I really like this guy.
emma. a says:
My patents won’t let me date guys in other grades, what should I do
Shannon says:
I was with my bf for 2 1/2 years through that time he lived with me and my mum they ended up falling out not getting on and hating each other aswell as my other family members don’t like him. It’s is clearly how he treated me was wrong and that some of his action ect regarding money issues but me and him both realise this. We have recently started seeing each other again after 4 months apart. His family have booked a holiday and booked for me to so I am going to have to tell my mum soon. But I am terrified to tell my mum as I really don’t want to fall out with her but I know she won’t take it well! What should I do!
Tessa says:
I need some help. My boyfriend dosent live in the best area I’m the tin but it’s not the worst. He’s amazing guy but my parents don’t like him because of the area he lives in. He grown up a hard life with his parents not really being parents. He is amazing thought. He is respectful, kind, funny and just so much more. He hates drugs and alcohol but the problem is that he told me his parents do drugs and the only reason he is still where he is at is because of his grandmother. I don’t know what to do because if my parents find out about it the changes of us still being able to be together is over. I don’t want that! He makes me fell safe and is very protective of me. He practically raised himself. He dosent want me to meet his parents for that reason. What do I do to convince my parents that he is not who his parents are!?
abhi says:
My girlfriend loves me nd even we both r of same caste but she is too scared of parents she says ….I love u bt I cant accept I coz my parents will nt accept love so no question of talking about u ….but I love u…but we’ll be best friend I tried a lot and I am still trying to convince her that I ll wiw her parents trusts but still she says I dunno but I dunt wanna loose u but she can’t accept me coz of her parents plzz do say me or give any suggestion how to convince her seriousz I wanna marry her nd walk widh her
Borna says:
I am currently 17 turning 18 in 3 months, and instead of being able to look forward to my senior year and get ready for college life, and experiencing the new independence of an adult; I am much more confined and restricted by my parents who are fundamental Muslims who live every aspect of their life according to Islam, which means most of my days consist of prayers and worshipping. I am in love with someone that is also Muslim, but that doesn’t matter because my parents condemn me from seeing any boy, and expect me to marry who they already chose back in their home country. He was friends with my uncles and they are around 22, and even they backlashed against us. So almost everyone in my family hates me now and speak to me with disgust. I am not allowed to use my cell, use the net, or go away to college, or talk to anybody because they said these are privileges I am not worthy of, and practically makes my sister babysit me because they think I will run off to speak to him. My mom blatantly tells me that she sees destruction in my future and that she has no hope for me, and that she providing for me as charity. They threatened me if I don’t follow their house rules such as doing all the house chores, following religion like they do, and covering up, and going away to college or even going to a college that is far; that I will be kicked out and not to come back, which my mom said said she wants. She even told me that giving birth to me is a curse for her.
g says:
You are worthy. Please be strong.
Cassi says:
What if u dated a guy for four months at the age of 17 and he was 24 parents found out, forbid u to see him and now I’m under house arrest..l turn 18 in 5 months, if we still end up wanting to be together how would they ever approve? This is why we lie
jazmine says:
You could get house arrest for that? Im in my teens & with a much older guy as well.
hermi says:
I feel you
hopless and about to give up says:
I can really relate to that bc im also 13 and i live this girl but both our parents dont want us dating and it makes me mad and i dont want to lose her
What should i do?
Pooja Dasgupta says:
i feel that if you both really relation about your relationship than u should you should wait for right time
Anonymous says:
Hello. I want to know your thoughts, and if possible get some helpful advice. long story short, I’m dating a black girl (I’m Hispanic, and the reason Im saying this is because we live in a..well a white farming area centered around religion.) Anyways, we have been seeing each other for almost 3 and a half years (currently juniors at school) in secret. Reason because, aside from being in a small town where everyone wants to know everyone’s business, her parents (specifically her mother) invades her privacy and has her other siblings spy on her during school. Why is all this matter? Well, recently last month she found out. This entire month I’ve been receiving threats from everything from her visiting my house to recently a restraining order. I’ve only ever spoke with her mother once and she basically told me because of her (yes her) religious views, her daughter cannot see anyone. Then she kindly added on that I’m interfering with “gods plans for her to meet her future husband”. And now she’s using me as an excuse to move her daughter from school to another one. So I guess, I just want to know what can I do? I mean …you can’t reason with close mindedness.
Renay says:
I need help. I love my boyfriend so much and see such an applicable future with him, although we recently broke up because it was becoming too much of a stress on him always having to come see me (i do not drive and so he always drove to my house). At the same time of dating him i lost a few friends, not because of him, but because i realised we had different interests and my self-worth was very low. He always would encourage me to see the good in myself and is always there for me and after being broken up we’ve been talking and decided we want to be exclusively with each other again but don’t wish to label it until after high school to avoid the stress of constantly needing to be with each other whilst we have exams and things on. The only problem is now my parents hate him and refuse to let me have him back in my life. They claim he is “abusive” because they believe it was his fault i lost friends – no matter how much i try to explain to then it was separate from him. They are comparing my set mind on getting back with him to someone joining ISIS and believe i need to get help because of my low self worth. What they don’t understand is that when i was with him, he made me get some of my worth back and always encouraged me to see the good in myself and begin eating again (i was very thin before dating him). He’s my best-friend and they refuse to even give me my phone or anything to even talk to him just as friends, because of the fact we don’t even want to be officially together until after our final school year this year. I’m beginning to feel very suffocated by my family and have noticed iv’e become very sneaky and lying about it and it kills me to do that to them. I’m trying to be mature and talk to them about the situation and how they’ve got it wrong but they refuse to change their minds or even talk to him- whose trying to remain supportive throughout this. I don’t know what to do. I cannot give away the person that i love because they have got it wrong and i cannot keep lying to them either. Can you help me?
Pooja Dasgupta says:
actually some problem with me also my bf home his parents knows about me . they told to my bf that you should with that girl but we love each other so much . we cant leave without each
other
billybobjones says:
I’ve been with this girl for 2 yrs and my parents dont know bout it, how do i man up and talk to them about it
brooke says:
I am a senior in high school fixing to graduate I have a great job and a loving family a bright future a head of me! I recently been talking to this guy who may not be the best choice for me but I feel as though I could like home the only thing he has a child how could I explain this to my parents
Bionce Marie says:
I was going over my boyfriends house after school. Knowing that this could cause problems with my parents. Eventually I got caught and lied to my parents about everything. Although they already knew the truth. After they told me that they had found out were I had been going from my sister. I told them the truth about everything and that I had been going over to his house for sexual relations. Normally I am pretty truthful with my parents. But they make it very difficult to talk to them. They have taken away my sweetsixteen, phone, and privaliges. I love my boyfriend and we will be 1 year next month. I’m not sure what’s going to happen with me and him. I don’t know what to do and I want my parents to trust me. All of this is so stressful and I just want to be over it.
maria says:
I met my ex boyfriend through my job then we decided to late we dated for 6months we broke because he basically told me he just wanted me for sex I told my parents about it too …I moved on 3months later I decided to give him a chance he said he was on a certain drug and he didn’t know what he was doing we got back together we went through hell for 2 years he constantly cheated on me and I never ever cheated on him I always helped him out when he had money problems I always paid for his food when went out bought him the most expensive gifts for holidays and special occasions …I always spend time with his family… then months ago he started being distant and he never took me out we would always stay at his house and he would always just want too have sexual intercourse with me then go to sleep… I’ve Been going through some really bad family problems and I every time I tried to talk to him about it he would just basically not show any type of emotion… I dumped him and I felt like my world was crashing down he wrote me a two page letter and dropped it off at my school asking for forgiveness and how much he messed up so I forgave him… I would always forgive him for cheating before that letter after the letter he didn’t cheat on me anymore I would let him go out have fun with his friends while he always got mad at me for trying to go out…he started acting distant again me of course blinded by love didn’t want to think of loosing so I tried anything to make him happy just a month ago he told me he didn’t feel the same for me anymore so he left me… I started developing feelings for someone else right when my life was going good he decides to come back and ask me to Take him back so he came over my house to talk about things and we eventually had sex my dad came home early from work and he found out he was there yes I did tell my parents about us breaking up… I live with my dad so he was extremely disappointed in me because I promised him I wasn’t going to go back to my ex he forbid me from seeing him I have been seeing him without my dad knowing and it’s eating me alive but I love my ex and he cried and cried for forgiveness he posted something on social media a couple weeks ago about how destroyed he is without me we don’t have any mutual friends either so I wouldn’t of know about it… people are telling me I’m playing with fire talking to him and my crush I don’t know what to do?? Please help me: (
Depressed says:
I’m a 14 year old girl and have been dating my bf for 8 months, coming 9. Since our first monthsary, my parents did not approve of our rs as they said that we’re too young. They recently found out that we are still in a rs, and my bfs teachers now know about it too. the adults are trying to break us up. I really am trying to let him go, but its really hard. i really love him and cannot bear to break his heart. he told me once that he once imagined that i told him our rs was over, and he cried that night. this is causing me to be in a dilemma. my parents think that we would soon be kissing and doing things that we shouldnt do, but i wont. WE’RE TOO YOUNG at this age. i know my limits. how should i even tell him?
lil K says:
I’m 13 and I’m dating a 17 year old boy. I love him and he loves me but the only problem is he’s black and I’m white. my parents doesn’t want me be talking to him even as a friend. I am dating him behind their backs though. I really want to tell my parents about him because he’s treats me like a princess but I know they won’t like him. what should I do
College Girl <3 says:
I am a college student, and my boyfriend and I of three years decided to take a break. I do love him, but if he is going to be with me he needs to grow up a little. He drinks and doesn’t have very many goals. Since we have been apart, he has put himself into alcohol rehab and is looking into schools. And seems to really be getting his life on track. I told him I refuse to be with him until i see improvement, which to me he has been. But i would like to see a little more. Prior to all of this, my parents didn’t like him. And the biggest reason honestly is because he isn’t my ex.Obviously they want me to be with someone who has a future, which i understand. And I realized that he needs to if he is going to be with me. I work to hard to be with someone with no goals. I want nothing to do with my ex. They just don’t respect my decision. Now that he has planned these goals, and is seeming too get on track of making a life. And he updates me on everything because he does want to me with me. With paper proof, because I’m a person who believes, don’t tell me, show me. If he keeps this up, I would love him in my life, because he has so much potential and can be such an amazing person. He has always put me first. He just needs to grow up a little. How do deal with this with my parents if i get back with him?
John says:
hey can I call you
TheHopeLine says:
We don’t allow posts with personal information like phone numbers or emails for the safety of everyone. If you want to talk please contact TheHopeLine https://www.thehopeline.com/GetHelp/ We are here for you 24/7
priya_sharma90 says:
I love someone for 5 years and he loves me too. His family has accepted me bt my parents are not. My parents think i deserve a better person than him and they are thinkin that hes marryin me for money and his self. My parents did not even like his family members. I dont know what to do.. I love him so much.. But i cant leave my parents hanging their head with shame in society.. My boyfriend is askin me to leav my home and run away with him. But something is holdin me back. Pls suggest something m so upset and this is eating me every day :((
Jessie says:
I’m having the exact same problem my boyfriend and me have been dating for a month now but my mum and dad don’t know because I know they won’t approve of him at all 🙁 but I really do love him but im scared to tell my family incase they stop me from being with him he has also asked me to run away with him just pack up and go or live with him and his family but something’s holding me back to
TheHopeLine says:
The part of you that “something’s holding me back” from running away with someone you have only known a month is your intuition. It is wise to be cautious. Please call and talk through this with one of our HopeCoaches 1-800-394-4673 (HOPE). We are here for you 24/7. Please call. We care about you.
Celeste says:
My boyfriend’s parents forbid him to see me because they think I’m a slut, which a matter of fact is not true. I love him very dearly and he loves me,we’ve been dating for a year and a half and only recently his mother decided that he must under no circumstance have any contact at all with me, they took away his phone and if we are seen together they shout at him and punish him. Recently his mother said to me i must “stop luring him in”. I never in my life lured him in to do anything. I care so much about him, he means everything to me. We are great together, but his parents do not see it. I feel that this is unnecessary and stupid. Why take the person i love away from me because you have a false perception of me?
What should i do to fix this?
TheHopeLine says:
I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds very frustrating and discouraging. Our HopeCoaches are available 24/7 if you want to talk on the phone or chat online – https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ We are here to listen and give encouragement.
John says:
If your parents don’t approve of who you’re dating then oh well because If they really cared about you being happy then they’ll support you unless he/she is 20 times your age and your young that’s different.So who cares if they don’t like your Bf/Gf be happy and work hard in school and find jobs now and save up money and when you turn 18 go off to college with them and/or move out of your parents house then they can’t use the excuse that you live under their roof. Get experience on working and looking for jobs now so when you go to college or move out you won’t have to call them asking them for money or for favors.
Ann Mariie Sanjiinez Salcedo says:
Hello!
I have a boyfriend with who I been dating 3 years… I had couple of relationships before and they were nothing like this one. I really love his personality and I enjoy spending time with him… He makes me feel really special and happy but my parents won’t accept the relationship just because he is not the guy that they picture me dating … They don’t like Mexican people , and they don’t like the way he looks… They say I’m too much for him… Which I don’t care and I don’t think he is ugly…. I just don’t want to make the wrong decisions and move out with him or get married right now because we are still studying and I would like to be done with my major first and then think about marriage but they are putting to much pressure in my back with this relationship ..please I need an advice !! .
Ashley says:
I’m 15, a girl, and I’m dating a girl as well, she’s 18. My parents don’t approve for many reasons, and one of them strongly being that she is a girl. Another one is her age difference, and another being that they wouldn’t let me date an older boy, so why date an older girl. I’m not sure what to do here, I’ve been dating this girl for awhile, (6 months) and my parents aren’t letting me see her anymore. What should I do?
michael says:
Im 18 an my girlfriend is 16 ive been dating her for 2 years its her dad that.has the problem with me we are in love with eachother but he said he doesnt want us together he calls me a loser so i get angry about it an go off and the reason he doesnt like me is because i have an.attitude but i wouldnt have that attitude if he didnt keep calling me.names we are madly inlove and wanna be together but he is stopping her from being with me we have to lie about things to see eachother and thats like once every week any other time we talk on the phone ive sent him messages apologizing for my actions and he just tells me to leave him alone and let that be a warning
LR says:
Maybe the parents want someone perfect for their daughter. Ever heard of arranged marriage?
Amaya says:
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for two years. I’ve been sneaking behind my moms back knowing that she doesn’t like that were together. Since I have been hiding it, I sneak out of the house to see him and it’ll be so late at night… I’m honestly lowkey scared to talk to her because the last time she talked to me about him, it was pretty clear that she had no disire what so ever to even try to like him because she was going on about what kind of person he’ll turn out to be… But how could she be so sure? Anyways, my boyfriend can’t stand that I haven’t talked to her yet and I can’t ignore the situation myself because I don’t want to loose him but I’m scared my mom won’t except what we have. I don’t even know how to start off this conversation about me and him…
JJJJJJ says:
Lets start off by saying i am 22 years old, still living with my parents. And till this day, they are quite overprotective of me… even if i go out and hang with friends of mine that they have known for years, or even with my cousins.. i know they love me and all but i dont feel like i have my own life…
Ive been talking to this guy who lives in another state. Its crazy how many things we have in common. We’ve been talking for about 4 + years now… And during a family trip, which so happened to be in the state he lives in, my parents got to meet him. This was the first time we met as well. Under parental supervision, and only for one hour, we walked around the mall trying to get to know each other. After the meet, my parents straight out told me they didnt like him for me, without a reason as to why…
Weeks later, my mother told me it was because he hadnt graduated from college yet, and that they believed he was high when we met. Thats it.
I am still talking to this guy, and we do want to see each other again. I feel as if i would need to make my own mistakes and learn from them, but at the same time, theyre my parents.
So im not sure what to do.
29ready says:
For the last 4 years I have been seeing someone here in the U.S. We do love each other but I am not in love with him. I recently travelled back home ( foreign country) and reconnected with an old friend who is 13 years older than I am. Crazy as it may sound, we love each other and it’s someone I am very familiar with ( grew up together) the probl is ( according to my parents) he is a divorcee and with two kids. This is perfectly fine with me but my parents are totally against it. They think am too good for him and also that we may have problems in future with his ex wife n her family. They have been separated about 7 years and do not communicate. My dilemma is should I listen to my parents and cut him off and continue with my bf here( whom am not 100% with ) or should I ignore them and go ahead and marry the older guy since I have a dropper connection with? Let me mention am very comfortable with guy no 2. Mainly because we come from the same place and understand each other better . I love mad respect my parents and I don’t want to ruin our relationship, but… At the same time I choose happiness. Please advice
Maggie says:
I’m dating a guy that I think I’m in love with. He makes me smile and laugh and he fills my heart with love. The only problem is my parents. My boyfriend has done some choice things in his past such as smoking, stealing, school issues, and has had lying issues. He tells me that I make him a better person and that he would never put me in harms way and that it was a long time ago when he did that stuff. Also his family is a bit on the strange side. Because of the past actions that has occurred with my boyfriend and for that fact that his family is wack, they strongly want me to break up with him. The thing is is that I don’t think I can. I love him. If I really thought about it, I do! I don’t want to lose him, but my parent’s get disappointed and angry whenever they find out that we kissed or we talked/texted. My reputation would also be on the line, but I feel like for him I would do anything. Please help me get my head straight with everything that is happening.
Lynn says:
I’ve been dating a guy for 4 months behind my parents back, they won’t let me date him otherwise. I really do love him but if I try to talk to them they take my phone and ground me. What should I do?
NIC says:
I’ve been on and off with this guy for 8 years , he had a trouble past because of drugs landed him in prison , he caused trouble with my parents years ago so they see badly of him. As speaking to him I can tell he has changed and I’ve given him another chance , how do I convince my parents he’s changed and grew up and willing to treat me well so their opinion could change of him?
Lost says:
I am in my late twenties and my boyfriend is thirty. We met at work. He is everything I want in a significant other; however, we don’t come from the same religion or culture. This isn’t an issue for me but I will be for my parents. My parents are very traditional, and dramatic. My parents haven’t ever met any of my prior boyfriends. As far as they are concerned, to them I have never dated. We are getting to the point where marriage is something we both want in the coming few years. How should I tell my parents. Let me add, do to financial issue they are going through I have recently moved back with them to help them out.
Tyler Dornbusch says:
hey I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 2 years and since last year her mom seen me for the fist time but didn’t meet me she just seen me and told her that she can’t go out with because i look too old. well first I am 17 years old with fecal hair. i need some help trying to find a way to try to have her parents like me plezz help
malais says:
What would i do if i started dating this kid he told his parents and his parents told him he was to young to date and i still have feeling for him
malais says:
This kid ask me out and that night he told me he had to break up because his parents said he was to young to date so he broke up with me or he was grounded unless he broke up with me i still have strong feelings for him what should i do 🙁
Miss says:
I’m sixteen and I’m dating a friend of mine. He is my language teacher’s son. Both his parents love me a lot. But the problem is that my parents have very high standards when it comes to my future husband. They expect me to date and marry a guy who is decent, good looking, taller than me and successful. And they don’t want me to have a boyfriend before the age of 20. It is quite normal here. But my boyfriend is a little fat and is shorter than me, much to my parents’ displeasure. They want me to date someone who is at least 6 inches taller than me! They still don’t know that I’m dating him but they might find it out anytime… and I don’t want to lose their trust. On the other hand, I just can’t break up with my boyfriend. I’m sure my parents will be really really very angry and will tell me to break up with him once they find it out. What should I do???
Riley says:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months coming up 9. my parents hate her. we jumped into our relationship very fast and yes i know that isnt good. after 3 months they made us break up because we werent making very good choices. i kept talking to her in secret and kept getting in trouble for it. they have this title on her that they wont let go of, they think shes a bad person that makes me a bad person. i have lied a lot to my parents about her in order to stay with her. i love her so much and would do anything to be with her. shes an amazing girl and is very smart and is the best thing that has ever happened to me, we are the bestest friends and somebody i can be myself around and someone i couldnt lose. we have fixed the things weve done wrong and have changed us in order to have my parents like her, but they wont change there mind, my dad cussed me out over me asking to hangout with her. how do i show them that shes a good person and someone they would like if they got to know her and give her another chance?
anna says:
My parents have accused my boyfriend of controlling me when he hasn’t, he doesn’t tell me were I can’t go or dress or meet people he respects me he treats me like a princess. My dad made a joke calling him spotty etc but my parents didn’t know he has anxiety and take things to heart with out realising which my dad didn’t like and also my mum does actually control me She tells me what I can’t do without a reason only because ‘she can’ she keeps asking about my ex friends who I’m not friends with anymore because they do drugs and I don’t want to get involved and she keeps blaming my boyfriend of me not having any true friends which is a lie because I was my decision to not be friends with them she also keeps asking my boyfriend about his dying grandad that he doesn’t want to talk about because he doesn’t want him to go and I’ve cried to my boyfriend about my mum because she is just so controlling and I feel like she never wants me to be happy I have the most confidence I have ever had because my boyfriend has made me look different at myself were my mum kept calling me ugly and a tart when I was only 12-13 she has also made my big brother move out very early when he was only 17 because she kept picking on him. Please help me I don’t know what to do my parents hate my boyfriend and all he has ever done is stick by me and look after me when I’m upset
Philip Viegas says:
I am definitely in the same situation, I am in love with this girl I have been seeing for over a year now….
Usually my nature when it comes to relationship is that I tend to fall hard and fast. The introduction to the family is immediate and then for some reason things just turn out the way its suppose to. This time however with the current girl I took time to know her see if we were compatible ensure we would not end things over petty differences. As a couple we have had our ups and downs but we have managed to be there for each other.
Now that I have mentioned to my family about her, they have resorted to checking he FB account and have said they dont want to meet her, for some of the most obnoxious reasons listed below.
1. I have a sixth sense she will be bad for you
2. She has tattoos no one in our family does
3. She is dark
4. She will make you life miserable.
There is no way to reason with them……
I know you parent are suppose to care for you and protect you, however if you are not willing to meet the person how can such a harsh judgement be passed.
I am pissed off and I am stuck in between an ultimatum either leave my family or leave the girl both of whom I would not like to hurt…. but as of now I am hurting all of them…..
Any advice…………………………………
Nicole says:
I have a boyfriend who’s black and we have been together for 8 months 7 of those months my mum and dad didn’t know because they don’t want me with a black guy so I didn’t tell them, now they know they keep calling him and telling us to break up, I’m not giving into them because we were really close freinds for a year and I know everything about him and I love him all my freinds know him too and know he’s a really good respectful guy, my mum and dad don’t want me home and they are trying so hard to break us up, I don’t know what to do
Daya says:
I’ve been in a ldr for 7 months. We took a break last month, and didn’t talk any. My parents were pissed now my dad hates him, but now we’re stronger than ever. What do I do? We’re 20 & 24
Emma says:
I am 14 years old and I really like this 17 year old guy. He likes me back and we have been talking for a while. People at school are being negative about our friendship (no one knows we like each other). My parents absolutely hate that we are talking. All they ever say is bad things about him. I tried to talk in a mature way with them and I tried to understand and I tried to get them to understand. They just hate him. He is a good person too. He gets really good grades and he plays sports and is funny. He likes me a lot. His parents met whenever his mom was in 8th grade and his dad was a junior. I don’t understand why my parents cannot understand. They literally forbid me from talking to him. I still do though. I can’t help it. This has been stressing me out so bad, I can’t even stand to be in my living room with my family anymore. What should I do?
M says:
My girlfriend never did anything wrong. Yeah me and her got it to the occasional fight but we always fixed it and everything was OK. And my parents are forcing me not to see her. They are way wrong with how they see her. And I bet they know there wrong also
Anastasia Zaberezhny says:
I have a muslin boyfriend we had 9 month relationship we loved each other a lot. My mom liked my boyfriend she thought that he is so kind guy and was never hurt me. My boyfriend had very hard character and i cried a lot, because he was ever cut my calls, not wanted to talk after fight, told me that i ever wrong everywhere. I never showed to my mom that I cried or been hurt. But sometimes my mom sow how i cried and calmed me down. One time I didn’t pick his calls because i was to busy to getting redy for Homecoming with him. We had to meet at school at 7:00 pm and i didn’t pick up his calls because I couldn’t find my phone. When I called him back he said that we are not going no where because I didn’t pick up his calls and he broke up with me. I cried a lot and my mom help me a lot. But i knew that we broke up just for time like a “rest”
He wrote me he called me he apologized a lot. I forgived him, but then when my mom new that we back together she yell at me not letting me to comeback to him she said that he is wrong person for me and we are too different people. That he always hurting me and I always cry. I said to my mom that believe me he didn’t want today hurt me and that will be the lest time. I cried a lot and she cried with me and she allowed me too be with him. The biggest problem is.. That after 2 months i broke up with him because I didn’t like how he act with me. He showed me that him not really interesting with me. I broke up with words that I can’t handle your character he understood and we wasn’t talk fot 3 day’s. My mom new about it she calmed me down she said how bad he is and how good I’m and he doesn’t deserve me. After week he start write me a lot he asked me to come back he cried he apologized he really loved me. I didn’t answer to him on any of his sms. But he texted me about a month he said he will change and he will never hurt me again. Two days ago we talked in Skype and he apologized for every his mistake, he said that he was not normal person witch hurt me a lot, he said that he will neve do like this again. I saw his eyes i saw how he acted and we back together. He changed his relegean and he talked to me with respect because I know how much he loved me. He never hurted me a lot he just had a hard character. The things is I don’t know what i have to do I nerves a lot and i have a lot of problems when I nerves. My mom doesn’t know that we back together and she will not allow me to be with him. When i came into her room and she asked me how my ex boyfriend actting? And when i answered that we talk sometimes she yelled at me and took all my electronics away. She called me stupid and walk away. I know and I understand my mom because she loved me with all her heart. And even now she came in my room and said that i hav to give her all my electronics back I really worry and don’t know what to do.
luciana says:
I am in the same position only my boyfriend is younger than me and smaller than me he is 14 and I m 15
Keerthy says:
hi Friends !
I love someone who cares me more than my family !
he is my life and for him i can do anything … Im so attached with him .. its been 2 years since we faced ups and downs in our life .. still we have a confidence that my parents will accept my relationship becoz they wont deny a person who cares you more than they do.
there may be lots of fights ,drama ,actions and all yet we know one day we both will be together forever with a happy cute family ..
All you need to prove your parents that
– he is the right choice you have made
It may take years
Wait
AS
PATIENCE PAYS 🙂
phoebe rose says:
Im 17 and my boy friend is 22 and in Louisiana where i live im at the age of consent and my father is telling me i cant date him. Can he do that? ive thought about leaving home so i can see him…
Kelsey says:
So my best friend and I only started dating not too long ago. He’s really respectful to me and we can talk about everything. He’s 14 and i’m fifteen, he doesn’t have as good an education as I because his parents have financial troubles and his parents aren’t exactly the nicest and don’t like my parents. For the time we’ve been dating, it’s been behind my parents backs. It’s only behind their backs because when I discuss relationships with my mother, her expectations for a partner are very high. She wants a tall older boy, with a good education and great parents who we can holiday with if the relationship were to go further and what’s more, they don’t like his parents. We always seem to have this exact same discussion frequently and the more we talk about it, the more afraid I become of coming out to my parents and telling them about my boyfriend. I don’t want to disappoint my parents but this boy is just something else. I want to tell them so badly, but i’m scared because of their expectations and I don’t want to disappoint them. But I really am in love with him and he loves me. We have boundaries and we talk about what is inappropriate for us at our ages and we understand what we should and shouldn’t do. I bring him around to my place a lot and although we’re dating, we’re still best friends and this makes it easier to socialize with him around my parents because we do what we always do; play halo 2 on the Xbox and scream at each other and of course, this makes it easier to hide it from my parents but I really don’t want to hide it from them anymore. I don’t want them to find out from someone else and lose all trust in me, i’m torn and I need some advice. There’s only so much you can learn from reading things on the internet. I need advice from someone else who’s in the same situation
The Bad Boyfriend says:
Even though I was on the butt end of being the bad boyfriend, I do agree that she let her standards down. Her family was a real pain about it, got us to break up by never letting up on me… always judging first, trying to convince her I’m a terrible person. Thing is, they were right. I’m a nice guy with a punk attitude. She needed a guy with a bit more respect for the norms of life, since her family prided itself on its correctness, something I never understood or respected. Too verbally clumsy for that.
Jenn says:
My parents reason they always bring up is the fact that he’s 6 years older, lives in another state, and doesn’t seem to have any sort of life plans, they say he seems to be at a standstill in his life.
He’s not. He’s gone back to school, got promoted in his job, plans on finishing school and all. It’s just taking some time. Better late than never, right?
I’d understand them if he was a drug dealer, or addict, or abusive. But he’s none of those things that put me in danger.
How I see it is that they don’t see him as being good enough for me, comparing everything I’ve accomplished at the young age of 23.
Am I wrong thinking this? Are my parents correct not liking him because of those reasons?
Klara says:
Myself and my boyfriend have been together for a year and half now,everything was going great parents loved him. He used to call over to my house about twice or three times a week and my parents began to restrict me seeing him as much. I failed a few exams in university due to my own fault, but they are now completely cutting me off from seeing him he is not allowed anywhere near the house anymore! They have no more time for him. I am barely allowed leave my house anymore without them questioning my every movewear are nowhere near breaking up but it is very hard being in a serious relationship where the only place we can meet is on the street. The relationship cannot last if my parents are so unwelcoming! I love him very much and I really need someone’s help! (I’m 21 btw)
Lex says:
So I am new to this whole thing, but I have been talking to this guy for about a month now. I am 17 and a Junior in High School. He is 20 and out of school. I have known him for many years now, but I am going through a custody battle with my parents right now and my mother is okay with us waiting until after court so me and him can be together. I am just trying to get suggestions as to how I should talk to him about it (he knows about the court stuff). With that being said I would really appreciate anyone who could comment and give me any advice. Thank you in advance.
XOXO- Alexus
Aeroman01 says:
Okay, so I’m sort of in love with a 14 year old. I’m 17. We’re perfect for each other in every way. My mom wouldn’t let me date anyone this young because she is afraid/convinced that if things end badly between us, the girl would tell people/authorities that I raped her to spite me and I’ll be sent to jail. We’re both Christian and have no intention of being THAT intimate in the slightest. I love her so much more than that, and there’s no lust. How can I convince my mom that A, not everyone is heartless and B, that I can be responsible enough to make sure nothing happens?
Tyra says:
I’m having the same problem..
Kate says:
Im 14 and my curent boyfriend is 18 and we have been dating for about a year now and my parents dont like him they say he does not listen or he is too immature for an 18 year old and that he is too old for me but my mom and my dad are 4 years apart like they met when my mom was 15 and my dad was 19 and i dont think its fair at all because they say hes too old but he is only 4 years older then me and they are 4 years apart….. what should i do someone please help me
Holly says:
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years in November. He has been through depression and therefore hasn’t worked because he was signed off on sick. My parents think that he is using that as an excuse to not work and is lazy and are so rude about him and his family. I have had arguments with my mum all week since coming back from seeing my boyfriend and my dad is completely blanking me and will not even acknowledge me. I feel like I am going to go insane and I am so angry because I am 18 and it is my life and choice who I go out with and if I have faith in him that he will get a job once he’s ready, then that’s my decision? I always understand and see from my parent’s point of view but when it is constantly being brought up it makes you go mad. What they do not realise is that the more they go on about it, the stronger me and my boyfriend get. So, more fool them. Don’t let parents stop you from making your decisions. It is difficult when you’re under 18 and legally you have to do what your parents tell you to do, but it will get easier. If it carries on I am just going to move out and live with my boyfriend.
Devon says:
I love someone who is deeply caring, loving, but has a bad past with her family life, and is living with a suicidal roomate in a trashy apartment… But I love her for her, willing to accept her past, truly care for he, but my parents dont want me into drama… or trashy part of town… help…
Brenda says:
It says to sit down with your parents and talk with them calmly but what if they’re the ones who won’t stay calm and avoid talking about him. What could I do then?
Unknown Name says:
I am sorry this is such a long one but I really need help!!
I fell in love with someone 12 years older than me and he really fell for me too. I am 19 and he is 31. When we are together we don’t feel the age differences. To be honest it feels like our ages are a lie. On top of that I am considered quite mature for my age. People always think I am older than I am until I tell them. However as much as that is the case my mom still says there are things that I do that are still my age. In regards to the guy: he, my mom and I all work in the same industry which is very large. There are pieces all over the city and lots of people know each other and work together off and on. It is not that my mom doesn’t like him, but she does think he is too old for me and doesn’t like that even though she said to him that I am to young for him, a few months later he found me on fb and we started talking. I met him briefly in December 2014 and our connection was immediate!! We got along so well!! I thought he was maybe 25ish but later found out he was 30. It didn’t phase me because we didn’t exchange numbers or have each other’s Facebook or whatever so I walked away and pretty much forgot about him. Then in March 2015 he fumbled onto my Facebook page and we became friends. Then we started talking for about two weeks and then he asked me to go for dinner with him. My mom and really nobody knew we were talking until I told my mom I was going out that night with him for dinner. My mom was shocked, but I went and after thinking about it for a day she “put a stop to it”. She said “if you guys are meant to be then you will meet up again when you are older when you have had more life experience, in maybe 5 years. If you guys run into each other then and your connection is still strong then go for it.” She said that to me and to him because after I told him I wasn’t able to talk to him anymore he asked to meet up with her.
I tried to get over him, but I couldn’t. I tried to move on so I never wrote him but, he would write me randomly and out of the blue saying how hard it was for him and how amazing I was and how lucky anybody who spends time with me is, etc. and I think that is part of the reason why I had such a hard time moving on. He even remembered my birthday 5 months later after I had only told him once. I had a terrible year to do with this guy! The only time I was ok was when I was distracted by work or something, but driving or being home where things are calm… that is when it was hard. I have dealt with depression for years and in the past couple of years it has really grown. It has even come to points where I feel helpless and I don’t know what to do. I have had a very bad time finding guys that I am into, who are into me back, or if they are into me but I don’t feel incredibly uncomfortable around them… But I tried! I honestly tried! I would put myself out there and talk to other guys and go on dinner dates, but as I would drive to the restaurant the only guy I would be thinking about was not the person I was meeting for dinner. Since I only met him 2 times (the first time we met in December 2014 and then when we meet for dinner in March 2015) and only talked to him, texting, for two weeks I was considered obsessed. I even started going to a counsellor because it was so hard for me. I would talk to my mom about it but she wanted me to just move on. She always says she is there for me with anything that I need to talk to her about but I feel like this topic eventually was a hard one to talk about with her.
At the beginning of this year (March 2016) we ran into each other again… I was having a hard enough time about it around that time, but after I ran into him it was unbearable! I have one friend that I am open with about everything and all through the year I would tell her about what was going on. At one point in a couple weeks after running into him I was so lost and helpless and didn’t know what to do so I called her and was crying and said maybe I could start talk to him and see how it goes, not tell anybody and then if it is as good as it seems then I can tell my family. She was against that, but after our conversations she said I needed to make my own decision and eventually I made the decision that I was going to talk to him because I can make decisions in my own life…. Right? So I did. And we talked and it WAS as good as it seemed. We talked, and I was comfortable, and he was very sweet, kind and was very excited when we started talking again. My friend who didn’t approve at first saw how much he was into me and ended up being for us talking again (btw she is older than me too, 29). I think I fell in love. I have never fallen in love before so I don’t want to be like those movies where the girl is like “but mom I love him!”, but I actually think I do. Sadly though I lied to my family (which I never do!!) I was just so helpless and I gave up on trying to please them… But three weeks later my mother and grandmother found out…. (The only two people who know) I was going to be strong and stand up to my mom and tell her that we are still going to see each other, but I just can’t ever do that! I always do what she wants but the thing is she does everything because she loves me, not because she is being abusive. So it is hard because I don’t want hurt her or be stupid, young and irresponsible. However I also need to make my own decisions. Right? She suggested that I go away out of the country for a few months so both her and I left to Europe. I left everything. I told him I was going away and that we could talk when I got back. I said that this didn’t necessarily mean we were over I just have a lot of things that I need to figure out about life, my life, and myself and I before anything I needed to go and do that. So now I am here in another country. While I am here I decided to go 100% off social media. I am not in contact with anybody from home, no friends friends and only my grandma for family because I want to give what my mom wants a full shot as well I do not want my opinions to be persuaded by any thing but myself.
As much as I try I still can’t get over him!!!! I think about him all the time and I just want to cry! Not just sniff sniff type of cry, but I want to bawl in hopes it will make me feel better and take away the terrible feeling inside me. I don’t have anyone to talk to and that kills as well. I don’t want anyone here knowing about my problems in Canada so I have no one here to talk to, and my best friend and I aren’t talking right now because first of all I am away and second I think she is a little frustrated that I didn’t stick to what I thought was right for me. So I don’t have her, and I don’t feel I can talk to my mom about I because I already know she doesn’t want me to talk to him, see him, date him or whatever right now. It kills me!! I feel so alone!
I feel like she is being very controlling, but she does everything because she loves me so I don’t want to hurt her. She annoys me so much though! I hate living at home and have for a few years now. I want to leave and do what I want, but I want to be responsible. Am I just being an irresponsible typical teenager? I want to tell her what I want to do and the decisions I want to make but I always end up going with what she wants. I don’t know if that is what I should do because she knows lots or if I need to start making my own decisions and doing what makes me happy. However if jumping off a bridge with no protection made me happy and I did it despite what people said then I would surely die….. Obviously I am not going to die with this decision, but I don’t want to make a mistake like that. You know what I mean? My mother became pregnant with me when she was 21 and her any my biological father (who was never in my life) never stayed together and I am her only child. So she is very protective of me, she doesn’t want me to end up in the same position as her, and she wants me to be the best that I can be. I totally get that! So I am not sure if I need to learn to stand up to my mother and tell her what I want and do it and take whatever comes to me or if I should take her advice.
I am here in this country and while I am here, so that I can go home and say I made a full effort, I am putting myself out there to meet guys, and friends, and I am trying to do all things more the way she wants. I don’t want to fight too much and make myself seem crazier than I already feel because I want to be able to go back and have the option to say “hey, I did what you want. Now it is my turn to do what I want”. I have made friends, and I have even met some guys. One who is really into me. I got excited and liked him, but now I am back to the only person I think about is my guy from home. And that is why I am writing this, because I am helpless. All the people who know the story think my guy is super into me and think that I should stand up to my mom. But then my mom doesn’t think so. I don’t know who is right. If my friends, support and myself don’t know what is best for me and my mom does, or if my friends, support and what I want are right and my mom needs to just get used to it. I don’t want to be one of those girls running solely on her feelings and not thinking about what is best for her or for her future because I have a very bright future ahead of me if I don’t mess my life up. However I feel like I am slowly dying on the inside. Am I just being dramatic and short sighted and should I just go to a psychiatrist and pick up the pieces in my life and get over this guy like a bad break up. Or when I go back home should I stand up to my mom and see him again. I want to hear opinions from people who aren’t on either side. People completely removed who can give honest opinions. People who have experienced this before, or know someone who has.
Please help me!!! I am so lost!!! I just want to talk to someone and hear what I really honestly should do.
Lost says:
Hi I’m a 19 year old female and I am in college. I recently started seeing a guy that I went to highschool with, and by recently I mean since January. He is in the army and was gone for training until the middle of February, but he was allowed to have his phone so we talked everyday. Since he’s been back I have tried to tell my parents about him but unfortunately they only see what they want to see. His parents were arrested 10 years ago for drugs and child neglect, on his mothers part, but they have gotten sober since then and haven’t had any issues since then. My parents have also had a rough past; they’ve tried every drug you can think of, they’ve dealt with lots and lots of underage drinking and sex, prostitution, unreported abuse, unreported neglect, etc. etc I also have a birth mom who is a drug addict and an alcoholic to this day and when I lived with her I too was subjected to neglect. However, my stepmom and my dad got better and have had no issues since. Well, my parents refused to give the guy I like a chance. They say that because they heard from some random girl my mom works with that he has been sleeping with her cousin lately. But what they refuse to listen to is that the girl he is accused of sleeping with is his cousin too! They have said that if I want to see him then I can get out of their house. But the problem is that my car is still in their name, I have $1000 worth of debt that they charged in my name so my credit is a 400, and I have been paying them $700 a month to live in the house. I don’t know what to do. I really truly like him and they haven’t even met him yet before they have decided against it. Please help me. I don’t know what to do.
letitremainsecret says:
i am 15 and i am in love with my cousin who is 24 now but my parents are dead against this relationship but i do love him a lot. how do i convince them that i love him.the say as he’s a drug addict he can’t look after you but no they are wrong.he’s stable enough to look after me.
after they got to know about my relationship they started treating me badly.
i have totally disconnected from my family now and love my guy immensely i just want to live with him forever how do i convince my parents for that?
Mariee_ says:
Hey I’m 15 and my bf it’s 18 we been together for 1 year and 6 months,age really didn’t matter in our relationship it was just a number! I really fall deeply inlove with him and he did two. We still inlove with each other but there’s a problem,every time thy we argued we always broked up and ofc I didn’t had nobody to talk to so I told my mom everything….but than one day we argued and we broke up and I went up to my mom and I starred crying, she seen me cry and told me to never talk to him aqain several days pass and I was missing him so much and I told my mom that I wanted to talk to him and I wanted to see him she say no that I’m never ever going to see him again and to delete his number,my point its that I’m tired of going behind my moms bck to see him but I’m just scared to talk to her and tell her im talking to him again what should I do? Please helppp!
Kathy says:
My spouse lied to me i dont know if i can trust or forgive him my parents say once a liar always a lier i dont know what to do
Jolina Empal says:
Hi i’m a 17 year old girl from holland, so there is this guy named carlos he is 23 years old and we met throught facebook but i usually saw him in the city i used to live before then he started following me on instagram and we strated to talked to each other and meet each other but at first i did’nt expected him talking to me because he has an important job and has a daughter of 2 years old but when we knew each other more we felt in love untill i told my parents about him it went good at first but when i start talking about her daughter my parent were’nt agreeded so i needed to stop seeing him but it’s hard for me to stop thinking him cause i haven’t been so deeply inlove before could you give me some tips?
TheHopeLine® says:
Maybe your parents could meet him and get to know him and his daughter. If you want to login and chat we are here for you 24/7 and it’s free 🙂 https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
Harmony says:
I have a boyfriend and my parents wont let me date. hes like my best friend and i love him so much. My cousin tells my mom about stuff sometimes like when he messes with me or when we kiss or something. tonight i heard her say she was happy i was going to a friend that’s a girls party because she knew he wouldn’t be there. i don’t understand why she doesn’t like him. Hes so sweet and hes sch a gentleman to me. I just want her to like him so I can tell them and not have to hide things anymore. what do I do?
moon says:
I love someone and my parents wont let us be together ! my mother says boys in his age does not know what they want ( he is 20 ) if you marry him one day he will dumb you for a younger girl ! but the problem is that I know him so well he loves me so so so much he could never let me not in a million year ! now we broke up and both of us are suffring !
Kevin says:
So my girlfriend of 3 1/2 yrs left me because she says our relationship is going nowhere because my family does not accept her because she has kids. I have dated quite a few girls In my time and by far this has been the healthiest relationship in 3 1/2 yrs we never argued obviously not till our break up she fully supported me in everything I did and I supported her. She is just an all around amazing girl so the first time I introduced her to my family was a few months into us dating and I didn’t mention that she has 3 kids I just wanted to see what my parents thought about her and just like I thought they would they loved her. The following day after lunch with my parents is when I brought up the fact that she had 3 kids and sure enough they FREAKED out my mom started crying and went nuts after she calmed down she had a bunch of questions which I answered like where is the father of the children I said he’s not in the picture and that she’s a single mom but I also reminded them that she’s the same girl they thought was great just 10 minutes ago. But my mom said she forbid me from seeing her i said im sorry but i cant just give up on her and that was 3 1/2 years ago now after that conversation I told my girlfriend that I told my parents but I never told her how they felt which I guess was my first mistake I should have been honest but I didn’t want to lose her or hurt her so as time goes by we never spend any time with my family all holidays are spent with her family and then I would go by my family on my own. Now she’s not dumb and starts asking why we never go by my family why I never take her around for b days or holidays and why I haven’t made the commitment of getting engaged and she puts two and two together and realizes that my family doesn’t approve of us but I tell her I don’t care and I want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. Well she feels betrayed like I was living a double life one with her and the kids then a separate one with my family and a week ago she left me. I am devistated I love her with everything in me I told her I know I messed up and apologized for making her feel that way and I that I don’t care what anyone says or thinks I want her to be my wife. Obviously my family knows about the break up and all they can say is that I’m better off and I’ll get over it like they don’t care about my happiness and on one hand I’m upset with them but then again they are my family I just don’t know what to do I’ve tried fighting for the love of my life but she just keeps saying it’ll never work out because of my family
Dewi Wulandari says:
I have long distant relationship, we met online. He visited me once since our 4 moths date. we only spent 2 weeks bcz he had to back to his work in his country and we r arranging our next meet on november. My family found out later, and they disappoved our long distant relationship. They don’t like bcz we r too far. He is in India and i am in Indonesia. I don’t know what to do. I love him and i love my family too. Maybe it’s too selfish of me if i want to hold them both.
Thomas says:
So I am 22 and have been dating my girlfriend for five years and have been best friends for 10. My parents were never wild about her but never stopped us. About a year ago we moved in together with two of our other friends, Again they didn’t like me moving out(about 2 hrs away). We decided not to renew our lease and ended up buying a house that was much closer to my parents (a few towns away). I also recently decided that I am ready to take our relationship to the next step and plan to ask her to marry me in the next coming months. Now the two of us have talked about getting married and having kids in the past so I decided to mention it to my parents that it has been talked about and that our intentions are there. That is when it hit the fan. My parents have refused to go to any wedding and have ostracized the two of us from nearly my entire family. and to say that if any kids came into the picture that they would not be related to them in anyway. They also refused to let me see my Dad when he was in the hospital, the only updates I’m getting are through my brother and sister, So one of the worst parts is that family is so important to my girlfriend that I don’t know what to do. We both have tried talking to them on many occasions and don’t get an answer to go on
MvLw says:
I tried to badly for my parents to love my gf of 2 years which was secret and it didnt work i had to choose and my gf just told me was over so i wouldnt make it hard and know that i choosed my parents its depressing and lonely take my advice seriously choose the person you love cause once they leave they will bever come back and no matter how much you try they wont come back they would say its your parents and its not going to work anymore.
Shobeee says:
My boyfriend is not highly educated where as i have my degree and currently proceeding with my professional papers. My parents think he isnt suitable for me as he is not highly educated and he will not be able to mix well in the high society. We have been together for 2 years already. Recently i broke up because of all the stress. Its been 6 months and now i am thinking of getting back together but i dont know how to handle my parents again. They are critisizing him just because he has no paper qualification and also he is from a different religion and his profession as a bus driver.
Caitlin says:
I’m 14 and I have a crush on this boy and he likes me back. My parents said that I can’t have a boyfriend til I’m 18 but my mum is pretty cool so I don’t think she would mind. But then my dad would probably get a bit weird and stuff. What should I do if he asks me out
jessica says:
I am 31 years of age and live at home with my parents. I am born again and seek only to do what God’s will is for my life. Growing up I was told that I must firstly ensure that I inform my parents before telling any gentleman that I love them. I began to like a young man and I tried talking to my parents to inform them how I felt about the young man. I was constantly being told that I it was not a good time to speak about it. I was asked to enter a relationship which I did without my parents blessing. Whilst in the early part of the relationship I sneaked around just to be with the gentleman. I then decided to be bold and confront my family and expose that I was in a relationship and although we did not have sex we made out. It was embarrassing to tell them but I did. I was told that I should end the relationship because I entered it without their blessing. The gentleman approached my parents to obtain their blessing expressing his desire to be married at which point my parents informed him that they did not know him. On several occasions during the two years that the guy and I dated I made request for him to come home, attend family events etc but was refused. I was told to end the relationship and I did for some months. During that time it was argument upon argument with the guy and I an his family stating that what I did was appalling as I should not have ended the relationship. I felt that I needed some space apart from everything and everyone so I ended it. After clearing my mind and heart I realised that I really loved the young man and I dont believe he was given a fair chance to be known by my parents. The guy proposed to and I accepted but I feel hurt and sad as I always wanted that the man I marry have an excellent relationship with my family. That is not the case. I am at a point where I am unsure what to do.
Kia says:
I’m dating this guy and he is amazing I love him and he loves me. However, we recently “broke up” about 2 months ago after a year and a half of dating. He had gotten really tired of the racist remarks my parents would make about him. What made us “break up” was when they said “you need to leave him alone. Because when white men get mad they don’t just kill themselves they kill you and the kids too” once they said that he was like “I’m done”. We still secretly date. I have honestly stopped going around my family as much because of how they disrespected me and him. I love him and I’m going to continue to be with him but I need my family. What should I do?
Katlyn Windom says:
Run away if it is true love than let it shine
PoorGirlism . says:
My parents are divorced. My mother is strongly against my relationship so I often go to my dad’s house if he want to pick me up/send me home. My dad is kind of “meh, whatever” with him. He never ask much about his background etc. My boyfriend’s past is not something I would brag to anyone. He loves women. I started this relationship knowing he has a girlfriend. He never love his first girlfriend and was with her because he ‘owe’ her (They already broke up now). At first, I never thought our relationship would be this deep, so I told my mom how he had a girlfriend. Her reaction, of course, not so good. Sure, he was a jerk before meeting me. He could even sleep with someone he barely knew just for fun. Not anymore though. I believe in him. I know him more than anyone, he never lie to me. Most of his time he spends with me. The other? At work. We work at the same place. My mom believe he is a jerk. She said bad things about him. Well, she is not wrong, but I know he is not like that anymore. She said he is a sissy because he doesn’t has the guts to meet her. She’s wrong. He really wants to meet her but I never let him. My heart is not ready. She has a bad first impression of him. I’m just really afraid. She said if I insist to continue my relationship, she doesn’t want me as her daughter anymore. I know my mother. That’s not an empty threat. I’m seriously considering leaving the house. But it’s also my fault because I dont let them meet each other.
annoymous says:
I need some advice
Megan Conner says:
me and my bf have been dating for 2 years 4 months,.. our relationship is kinda complicated and has ups and down.. however, we manage to clear things up. my parents didnt know about our relationship but my mum kept asking me about him weather he is my bf or not and she keep saying im too young to date and i have to concentrate on my studies (im 19 btw with a good result) so i chose to lie to her saying he is just a friend (eventho he come to my house and enter my room almost every 3 days). and recently, something big happened, we made a mistake and my mum read my whatsapp msg and she found out everything about me and him. she was very angry that i lied to her all this long because she gave her trust to me. This mistake have given me a very big impact to my career and our relationship and also my relationship with his parents. everyone in my family now dislike him as a guy/friend/boyfriend because he do not have his own decision, they claimed that he is like a dog following everything i said. and they keep saying he cant be a good leader if i have a family with him. I really dont know how to clear this mess up. His family thinks that he is a bad influence and my family thinks that I’m the bad influence to him but he as a guy should stop me from doing such mistakes. But the reality is, both of us agreed to do so and made the same mistakes together. Now I really don’t know how to clear this mess up please help me.
Sophia says:
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 months and I love him very much. My parents don’t like him because he is Asian and think that he only loves me for sex and money. My parents caught me talking to him 2 times already the first time they warned me and gave my phone back. The second time they tried to break up with him for me even though I didn’t want to. Once he got home from school he read that and tried to kill him self. I didn’t get my phone back until recently a few days ago. I started talking to him on an iPad and it hurts to hide it. When my parents found out that he was coming to meet me they said it’s a lie and he is not coming on a plane to meet me. But I truly believe it because I’ve seen the plane tickets. I really want to meet him without my parents knowing but I don’t know how….. Help:(
serene says:
Hi. im an asian. Both my boyfriend and i love one another genuinely. However, my parents strongly disapprove because he look like a player and i didnt introduce him to my parents before my parents found out themselves through my soical media platform. My parents didnt want to meet him too. What should i do?
Budi jaya says:
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 1 year and a half. We r so perfect for each other and i love her so much so does she. We r 9 years apart(she is older than me) but that doesnt stop me loving her. I really feel that she is the right one and i can see my future with her. My parents r strongly disagreeing with our relationship for 2 main reasons. My dad doesnt want our family to be an embarrasment (mostly of his selfishness because he doesnt want his friends to think badly about him), My mom is afraid that we will not last together and ill have to suffer when im older. (because my gf is gonna be old and i will not be satisfied with my gf anymore). I know deep down these two main reasons r not gonna happen since nobody has been laughing at us or disapproving our relationships except them. My parents havent even meet my gf but they r already have this view towards our relationship. I have nver hid our relationship from them and always make sure that their worries are not gonna be a problem but they r nt listening to me. Im studying abroad so my parents havent got to know her yet. Please help!
Isabelle says:
I’m 14 years old, and my boyfriend is the same age as me. The problem is that he’s also a family friend and my parents don’t want me to date him because they think that we’re just children and he’ll break my heart and that will ruin both our families relationship. I’ve liked him for almost 5 years and we’ve both agreed to take our relationship slowly, compared to the couples around us. How am I supposed to explain to my parents that both our families relationship won’t be ruined and that they don’t need to worry? (Plus I’m Chinese)
TheHopeLine® says:
Taking the relationship slowly is very wise. The foundation of lasting relationships is friendship. As you both show maturity in how you handle this your parents will eventually approve as they see your actions.
Edith says:
I am 15 years old almost 16, last year I moved to a new school and I met a boy. After getting to know each other, we started to fall in love. We started dating and he always treated me with respect, care and love. But when my mom met him, he disliked him, saying that he would treat me bad. He tried to speak to my mom, but she would never let him talk and when I talk to her she always says that she will never approve him. Although my mother did not want me with him, our relationship lasted for a whole year and almost 2 months since my mother didnt give us another option than to break up. Now that we are seperate, he still loves me and I keep on loving him. How can I get my mom to see that he is a real gentlemen with me and let us see each other again?
Lilly says:
I’ve noticed a lot of these people are younger than me, but I’m having a similar problem. I’m 25 and my boyfriend is 26. We’ve been together for 10 years, 6 of those years has been forbidden by my parents. We actually live together, without my parents direct knowledge 2 hours away from home, where I attended college. In high school when we were 15/16 or 16/17, we had issues and broke up for a short period of time. My parents have NEVER let this go. It never got physical, only once did my parents overhear us arguing, names get exchanged, and it’s never been the same since. I’m at a point in my life that I’m paying all of my own bills and living completely on my own. I’m still struggling with this. My parents are somewhat aware of the relationship, every now and then my mom will bring up harsh comments about him i.e. I recently bought a new car (without their help, but with help from my grandparents) and my mom said “you got this for you to enjoy, I don’t want anyone else enjoying it that shouldn’t be. I don’t want any trash [referencing my bf] enjoying something you got and driving it around. I think you know what I’m talking about.” This is such a problem for me. He is an excellent boyfriend. Before I knew my grandparents were going to help get this car, he and I were prepared to put money down and he was going to be contributing to all of the payments. I cannot have a healthy relationship with my parents and talk to them about nominal every day things that happen in my life. I have told plenty of people that I live 2 lives. One that my parents see and the other that everyone else sees. All of my friends are getting married or are married and I don’t believe I will ever obtain that because of my parents disdain for the relationship. I was raised to respect them and their decisions and not go against their word. But, clearly I have and I believe my parents are too irrational for me to have a conversation with about this situation. It always gets turned into an argument about everything they’ve done for me and how I “pretend that didn’t happen”. Which isn’t at all my argument. I’m just really struggling with this right now. I’m ready for my life to advance forward and feel like the young adult I am. All of my friends, from high school and current, can’t believe that my parents still hold onto this grudge because of the good man he has become. I just don’t know how to advance the conversation productively with my parents. It would be nice if I could stop hiding things and lying about it. I’m absolutely tired of the stress this puts on me.
I Love Baseball Players says:
I am 14 and i was just walking around the neighborhood and there was about 4 or 5 boys at there house i guess, they were really cute baseball players and when i walked by one said hey cutie and i thought he was really cute and then his friend said that he wanted my number but im 14 and my parents and older siblings would kill me if i gave him my number, what do i do , i really liked him and he lives about 4 or 5 houses down so if thet see me walk there then they may ask me again but what do i say to my parents, do i hide it , or do i tell them.
Rene says:
So I’m bi and I love this girl, but my parents are not exactly supportive of same gender relationships so we’re together in secret. I feel like I should tell my parents about us but I don’t want them getting angry and ruining my relationship with her. We’re both 16 and I’m afraid that my parents would freak and react very badly to us. My girlfriend thinks it’ll be better to tell my parents about us but I’m afraid they may not approve and break us up instead. What do I do?
Aaronmcdowell says:
I am almost 14 and my boyfriend just turned 18. I haven’t told my parents me and him are dating but I do say that me and him are just friends. My are wondering what I could have in common with a 18 year old. So, I rarely ever hang out with him because my parents are paranoid. I don’t want to lie to my parents, but I also don’t want to break up with my boyfriend because of them. What should I do?
Florence says:
I’m a lesbian and I love my ex-girlfriend so much. My mom started hating her when my mom found out she was gay, and I have tried to talk to my mom about it but my mom is so stubborn and threatens me when I talk about her. Me and her dated behind my mom’s back but we had to break up cause my mom is controlling and we couldn’t sneak around anymore. We broke up New Year’s weekend and 9 months later I am still not over it. I miss her so much. I still love her. This brings me so much pain.
rosee says:
i stopped dating bf because of my parents .he wanted to marry me soon. they didnt approve of him. according to them everything was wrong about him lol. i didnt know what to do.i wasnt in a position to make my own decisions.but ill be able to do it in few years .i asked him to wait till then. he didnt agree saying ur parents wont change .so i just quit. and blamed myself for being such a **. but my bf didn’t try to contact me yet. he said he has got nothing to do if my parents wont approve of him. but im having 2 nd thoughts all the time . did i make a mistake. ? always questioning myself.
Aditi says:
Same did i do dear!!! my parents told me not to talk to him, whom i was dating for 3 yrs… and i chose my parents over him, n i know he is waiting for me… its 2 years down now as on today’s date, and now i really think , he loved me same as i do, n im ready to cross my parents and be with him, we are not in touch, though i stalk him thru facebook n all.. i think, i should be with him. u decide what ur heart says… tomorrow, if u marry someone whom ur parents suggest, dont hold grief or guilt in ur heart.. that y i didnt call up n check wether he still loves me or no… make a check for yourself n decide. as i did… i spoke to many of his friends n all ways to find out what he thinks of me… n what he thinks of my decision.. all time he made me realise… he loves me still… i suggest u to do the same…. good luck !! god bless!
Anonymous says:
I’m 14 and I’ve been secretly dating a 17 year old boy. He’s really sweet and caring, he is very smart and funny. He has a job with his grandfather in pest control but my mom won’t approve. What should I do?
Deligent says:
Hi guys your stories hook me
eva says:
ive been dating this guy for about 4 months now but he would never really let me do anything on my own. My parents set rules with him and he blew them off one time and now they wont let me date him anymore. Ive known him since we were little kids and its killing me not being able to talk to him about this. i am at a lose of what to do. what should i do?
eva says:
I’m 15 years old and have been dating a 17 year old. he does things that are questionable but ive known him since i was a child and we used to always hang out with each other. my mother told him the rules of dating him and he broke one of them and my mom considered it an action towards her and now she wont let me see him. ive been secretly seeing him for the past week. how should i convince my parents to give him another chance?
TheHopeLine® says:
The fact that he broke a clear boundary definitely shows disrespect towards your mother and also it is disrespectful towards you. Would you consider chatting with a HopeCoach about it? We can listen and help you put things in perspective. You deserve respect and if he is not respecting your parents then he is probably not respecting you either. Chat with us – https://www.thehopeline.com/GetHelp/
Joey says:
ive been seeing a girl for the past two months during that time my family have strongly disagreed with my choice which has caused endless rows . To the point where I stopped telling them anything and just didn’t say who I was with and even lied to see her. It came to a head recently when it all came out including that we were an item which caused more rows bitter ones in the end they gave me an ultimatum either I stop seeing her or they would find me a flat and disown me entirely. So I felt I had no choice but to end it i was devastated and depressed she was devistated tho she said she wouldn’t give up on us that we had something . We left it 3 days before talking we couldn’t bare it we want to be together I no it would mean being outcast by my own family but if I don’t go with what my heart says I’ll regret it ..
Naeema says:
I love my boyfriend. But my parents wont approve because we have different religions. I am Muslim and he is Christian..
I have no idea what to do
Courtney says:
My mum hates my ex but I’ve broken with them few months ago .we both want to get back but we can’t my mum doesn’t approve of them .I really want to . it’s making me really depressed I don’t know what to do
Sarah says:
I am dating someone who has a child. I have met his 4 year old daughter and we bonded right off the bat. I am a substitute teacher at the moment but am certified k-6. I’ve been dating him now for 3 months. I am 24, and he is 28. He is divorced. I have to say that I know he is my person. We are meant to be together. He feels the same way. I usually don’t toot my own horn, but with him I believe everything he says. I’ve never had someone make me this happy and make me believe in myself. I’ve been in many relationships and know he and his daughter is my future. I love at home. His family loves me and I adore them too… So here is the problem…… My mom had dad like him, but I can tell thy feel like I deserve better and think I can’t achieve my life dreams if I date him and eventually marry him. I don’t know this 100% but my dad keeps bringing up to me when he isn’t around that my “perfect man” is out there… And apparently when my mom and him were talking out back , she said ” I want the best for Sarah(me).” He thinks she doesn’t like him and doesn’t see him in my future. She has told me she likes him but thinks him having a daughter is a big deal and I shouldn’t jump into things. Me and him have talked and we aren’t getting married or engaged or having kids any time soon but we will in the distant future (maybe 2 or 3 years). what can we do? He is upset bc usually people like him 100% of the time and everyone falls in love with his daughter . But. The other day they met her for the first time and I thought it went well. He said he got a vibe from my mom that she doesn’t like him and doesn’t feel he is good enough for me… I don’t know what to do. What do you think?
moony says:
sounds like you have narcissistic parents!
Elizabeth R says:
i can relate too. its hard. ive been keeping it a secert. im not suppose to be having a snapchat right now bc of something that happen and i dont have my phone till next week but ive been using my friends phone to snapchat him and im so happy now. you are allowed to like or love who ever you please. its been a couple of months since weve talked and i was so upset. there wasnt a night where i didnt cry myself asleep bc of a “fight” we had. now im so happy. do what makes you happy and dont let anyone take that away from you. you do you!
Delilah says:
In my freshman year, I began to like this boy, who later became one of my best friends. We dated in our sophmore year. We texted all the time, and one day we were messing around with the whole dirty talk shinanagens. and my dad took the phone and kept it until my mom got home. We had this huge argument amount self respect and eberything, but they just dont understand that it was a joke. Now im 18 and me and him are back together but my parents dont approve. she says that ever since that happened she will never allow us to be together. i dont want to use the ” im 18″ card, but he honestly does make me happy.
Gabby says:
I have a problem. I’m 16 dating a 25 year old. I’ve been hiding my relationship from them for a while already. Last time they found out about him my mom wanted to call the cops. I’m waiting till I’m 17 so I can go to my parents with him. I live in New York . The age of consent is 17. I’m a virgin still. I’m waiting till 17 bec he can’t get in trouble. My parents don’t like the fact that he took drugs in the past. But listen he was young. They don’t like his family at all they think that his family r all low lives. I need help. I love him I wanna marry him after I’m done with school. I just want my parents approval before anything happens. I want my parents to know at least that I’m dating him. I will tell them on my birthday with him. I’m afraid they won’t approve . This is something I want I love him. What should I say to them for them to approve him into the family ?
Sadie says:
That’s illegal regardless of what the age of consent is. Depending on the state you live in, there’s a certain amount of years that can be between you and your SO. Aside from that, it’s very illegal and he can get arrested.
Kelly_kelly says:
I’m almost 18. My boyfriend (who is the same age) and I have been dating for almost two years now. He has helped me through many tough times and I feel as if I’m growing and learning by going through life with him. About a year into our relationship my boyfriends parents got divorced and their money situation wasn’t great. He got very depressed and started to smoke and just always think negatively and wouldn’t believe or understand that people can actually love him including me. Also, his confidence was lost. I tried to help him through this but it started to be too much negatively and take a toll on both of us. We would yell sometimes. And argue more often. We would question trust. He would especially hate if I ever talked to certain guys and sometimes even judge me for it. Which I know was wrong and horrible. So we took a break. We talked a little but never saw eachother. My parents have never liked the idea of a boyfriend and just always never supported the idea and looked down apon me and even my sister for haveinf our first boyfriends. So with my boyfriends depression on top of it I got bombarded with parents who were so mean to him and me about our relationship and say we are young and shouldn’t have to deal with this. However, after lots of meaningful discussions with my boyfriend and a year went by we realized what we were doing to eachother and how mean we could get. And judge mental. I learned a lot from this. I learned how to handle a conversation without yelling. My boyfriend and I were almost forced to breakup when my best friends didn’t like him cause he wasn’t popular and thought he would take all of my time and they wouldn’t see me and my parents who just wouldn’t listen to hear my side of the story and just looked at all the negatively. My parents or friends never just once let me control my own self. They were too scared I would get hurt or make a mistake with him. But they don’t see they have to let me go and if I fall they have to be there for me. My boyfriend and I have gone through a lot and I’ve learned a lot about myself. We’ve tried to cut it off cause my parents wouldn’t even let us hangout but we just couldn’t not talk to eachother. We are best friends and I go to him for everything. I always spend time with family and friends. I just can’t come to terms with them wanting me to get rid of him. I care and love him too much. He may be my first boyfriend but the way I feel about him and being without him is crazy. I was in so much pain when my mom tried to cut us off from one another. She hated the idea of a boyfriend from the start and never made him feel welcome or ever congratulated me for getting a boyfriend. I feel so horrible because they don’t support him and neither do my friends. I just want to be happy. But they don’t see it that way. They want to control me. What should I do.??????????? Cut it off because we went through so many arguments and disagreements about how we were controlling eachother and judging eachother and not trusting eachother. We took a long time to figure out and plan for how to push past all of that. We want to fix it and be happy together because we can’t imagine life without eachother. I just feel as if we should fight for eachother. But I’m scared my friends and parents will just look down apon me or be mean or just totally neglect my boyfriend. He tries so hard. He’s had a rough life but is doing his best to push past it all and I want to be there for him. I just need help. Please
Isabella says:
I feel your pain as i am in the same situation as you at the moment except i am only 16 yrs old (my bf is the same age as me), and we both have come from really tough and depressing pasts. We have been together for almost 3 yrs now, but my parents are causing more trouble for both of us as they are so against me dating him and we just want to be there for each other. The best thing i can say to you is to fight for what you want, and stay honest and there for each other. Yes you will most likely suffer in some way in this situation by loosing either your parents or your bf , depending on who you choose to stay with, but its not up to your parents to make life decisions for you, so fight for what you want most girl! Even better try and sort it out so you do not loose either of them, which i understand is very difficult.
anonymous says:
so i have this girl who i love and she loves me back but my parents dont like her because she’s kinda emo, so what do i do
Divya108 says:
I am an Indian girl and I am 18 and I am have been dating a guy since 4years and the boys parents know about me and arw happy but my parents don’t want me to be with the guy because of the society!
Brianna Persinger says:
My friend is always grounded. His parents take away his phone so he can’t contact his girlfriend and they don’t let him go anywhere. He can’t see her on holidays. He gets straight As and does what he’s told. They make excuses to ground him so that he can’t see her. They literally ground him for anything because they want to block the chance of him seeing her at all. They don’t even let him hang out with her in groups of friends. She’s really nice and I don’t see what they would find wrong with her. I’ve known her for years. I think she just hates his gf because she’s his first one. But she’s my best friend and it makes me sad to always see her sad because she can’t see her boyfriend. It puts lots of stress on both of them and makes them fight.
Nicegirl Darky says:
I’m 17 and i like a guy who is now 20 we meet again 2-3years ago my mom was dating someone who was distant related to him but we were not and we started talking and we both fell in love but my mom has stoped us cuz she doesn’t like him at first I try to forget about him and then we started to talk sercetly and we broke up cuz of the family issues and distance then after almost a year we meet again and can’t jus help ourself we have never had sex but always talk and want to be with each other and then broke up again for the same reason. Almost another year and we meet again jus 2-3 days ago and so much has change but not my feelings . My mom still don’t like him and I’m afraid he might not feel the same but if he do what am I too do my mom would not let me date him if she knew and I don’t wanna lie.I’m almost done with school would it make a difference to her if I’m eighteen or should i just forget him and how i feel and jus be with whoever she approves even if I don’t really like him as much .
Isabella says:
I am dating a boy who graduated from my school last year, and i have been hiding it from my parents as i was scared about what what their reaction would be. My parents have just found out that i am dating him, my mum knows who he is as my mum works at my school. However my parents reaction to me dating him was very serious and against the idea of me dating him, my parents are now making me choose between dating him and loosing my home and having to find somewhere to stay myself, or loosing him and still having a home to live in, what should i do???
Ashlee says:
So I have a 19 year old boyfriend, I am 15 (Turning 16 soon). He is in the national gaurd and is a very respectful person. We have been dating for a little over a month and been keeping it somewhat of a secret also not to mention he lives 3 1/2 hours away and drives down every weekend to see me and I lie to my parents and say I’m going to a friends but we just drive around instead . My parents don’t want to meet him and doesn’t want us to be together… I’ve been sucidal before and nothing has made me more happier in my life then him.. what should I do?
zachary says:
My parents are making assumptions about my relationship with my girlfriend, and also about her and her family; which are false assumptions. Because of these assumptions my parents don’t want me to be with my girlfriend. being an only child, I believe that my parents are doing this for attention from, but i’m not sure. What should I do, and/or say to my parents?
Nancy says:
What happend i have the same sitiuation with my bf ? How did it go ?
zachary says:
My parents are making assumptions about my relationship with my girlfriend, and her and her family; which are false assumptions. Due to me telling my girlfriend what my parents have said, my parents think I’m “loyal” to her rather than being “loyal” to them. My parents don’t want me to be with my girlfriend, because of this, and a couple other assumptions made. Is there anything I can do? what can I say to my parents to change this?
Drew says:
One of my mom’s doesn’t trust my boyfriend and I think pretends to like him. I’m 15 going on 16 and I’ve been experimenting sexually a little. I called him and asked if he could come over and he had to ask his mom, so still on the phone with him I go to ask my mom. As soon as i ask my mom she flips out and starts screaming at me about how he’s untrustworthy and was forcing me to do stuff. I told her I was on the phone with him and she stormed out of the house. Now I’m home alone and afraid she’s gonna make me dump him because she’s done that before. I need advice, please help.
Alyson says:
My parents don’t like my boyfriend because he is a recovering addict. I have known him and his family for 6 years now and I know he has the capability of staying clean if he really wants to. Not only have they never met him or had a conversation with him they continue to judge him based on mistakes made in his past. To make matters more complicated they are unable to meet him now because they moved across the country. Every single one of my family members say he’s no good for me when they have never met him. No one is supporting my happiness and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I honestly believe that this guy is the one and no one will support me. What do I do?
Sin Genevie says:
hi I am gay and I currently have a girlfriend. my parents found out about my gf 4 months ago and they immediately wanted me to break up with her. my parents said that they do not approve of her they do not support homosexualilty. they started pressuring me to go church and take counselling and they wanted me to stop being with anyone who supports homosexualilty. they only let me go out with people from church and people who have good values. i haven’t broken up with my gf because i don’t want to lose her but its upsetting I am isolated from people who love me for who I am and limited to people who do not support me for who i am. its hurts that i can not spend time with people who love me idk what to do. i dont feel loved rather i feel insecure to be in this family. they threatened to forced our schools and her parents to break us apart and I am at loss at what to do
TheHopeLine® says:
Sin Genevie, We want you to know you are not alone in what you are going through. We are here to listen and help you through this challenging time in your life. Please chat with one of our HopeCoaches at http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp anytime day or night.
Grace says:
I’m 17, he’s 16.. yeah were young but lemme tell you we had one heck of a time. He was that perfect guy that everyone wants. Playful but not disrespectful. He was kind honest and trust worthy. My past relationship’s I had every guy cheat on me so I was worried with him. But he always proved be true. Our relationship became extremely complicated due to both of our poor choices of smoking weed. My parents found out and I was not allowed to see him,text, or any contact for a while. I found a way around that so we were still able to talk. But he became depressed because he hated that he couldn’t see me. And that we had to go about our relationship like this.. so he ended it and blocked me on every way possible. I couldn’t contact him. I will be 18 soon in about 6 months so I hope he will come around.. I’ve been talking to his sister aND she belIves that he will come around.. so I hope she is right. But I know if he moves on then I will be devestated. We were so in love and I know he still loves me.. but I guess if it’s ment to be then fate will find its way. It was just the right love but wrong timing. (Sorry for my long rant, I had to get it out)
John Bell says:
My last girlfriend doesnt talk to me anymore becuase her parents don’t approve of me since we’re roughly about 5 years apart in age, we live in the same town but never met up becuase she was 17 at the time, she’s 19 now and still won’t talk to me.
Veronica C Valentin says:
I’ve been dating a guy for bout 1 month and everything has been great between us. We had a bad arguments and I told my mom bout it saying it was over but me and my guy made amends and worked it out. I told her bout it and she flipped the script on me and I just was upset because I believe in giving people 2nd opportunity no matter what has happened.whether it is a right or wrong decision I want her to understand it is my decision. I’m 35 yrs old btw and he is 23. IDC bout the age gap because we understand each other anday have so much in common and he makes me happy right now. She doesnt want to see him at all which does not make me happy. This is not the 1st time she gets this way with someone she does not like but you can not help who you like or fall for. I just wish she could understand.
Ally fallen angel says:
Hey I recently found out that my boyfriends mother doesn’t like me out of the blue. She’s invited me to family events and drove us around to our date, she was the nicest lady I’ve ever met and now she dislikes me. I broke up with my boyfriend out of anger because she controls him and doesn’t let him speak. Is that right? I don’t even get why she doesn’t like me…
Karrella Jones says:
Parents tend to get like that, but then we should asked ourselves how does this person treats me. Does this person shows respect to me and others do I feel at peace when I am with this person, does this person really loves me,do I really love him or her. These are some of the questions you would have to asked yourself. Parents cant make up your minds for you(please if you are underage your parents is still responsible to protect you) you have to be smart in making your own decision.
I made My own and it turns out OK for me. Like I said just be smart and go with your gut feeling.
Vince says:
This is solid advice but it doesn’t work for everyone. My girlfriend’s parents absolutely hate me and forced us to “break up” (or rather be less obvious). I am a straight A student who has never gotten into trouble. I have absolutely no intention of harming their daughter, in fact I’m seriously falling for her. Had they bothered to have a conversation with me, they would know this. However, they cannot look past the fact that I have XX chromosomes. That is completely on them.
Dh says:
I can also relate to this topic because my parents (especially my mom) are the exact same way. I met this guy 4 years ago. We met in 8th grade of middle school. And ever since then, we’ve been dating. My mom was okay with him at first because she met him and after when she found out he had like “no money ” which makes no sense because I’m not rich either (were both in the
same social class) , she has restricted me from talking to him . But of course I still do, we both are in love (YES, you might say we’re crazy young teens ) but It’s real. I moved away 2 years ago and I’ve not seen him ever since then , but he is willing to wait. It’s not fair , I just don’t understand why money is so important to her. Like what about my happiness? She is really strict and I’m scared , I don’t know how to make her understand.
Anon says:
The love of my life is the best a person gets personality wise and treats me so well. He is one year younger than me and I don’t see a problem with that at all but my parents being the older generation think that the man must be older than the woman in a couple for some irrational reason. Their standards are far too high. They demand perfection. And they believe I shouldn’t be dating at least until in in my mid twenties. The way I see it is if I’ve found someone special and I feel ready for a relationship, then I’m ready for one! Age isn’t necessarily going to define a person’s readiness for something, it’s all to do with one’s mentality. But my parents are stubborn. In the end, they’re letting me do what I want, but I’m not going to have their approval :/
Betty says:
Hi! So I started dating a guy back in the summer and then we both moved away for college in different states but decided to continue the relationship and it’s been almost 10 months now. We have had our ups and downs but the realationship became toxic at one point. I wouldn’t put up with it so we have been off and on. We both really love each other and aren’t letting the relationship get bad for each other but my parents don’t approve anymore. I really want to be with him as he treats me like a princess but I don’t know what to say to my parents.
Elizabeth says:
So I have been dating a guy since the summer and only 3 months in person because we go to colleges in different states. I am a freshman and he is a junior. We see each other once a month and when we do I love every minute with him. Separated he has come across as manipulative and controlling causing us to be off and on. I want to be with him and we have worked everything out for real this time. My parents don’t approve anymore and say that I am just setteling and his parents are skeptical but more accepting. He comes from a tough background and did not treat me right emotionally but is now. I want to be with him and prove to my parents that he has changed but I don’t know how to or know if I honestly should stay in the relationship bc my parents are against it.
Makayla says:
Hey guys. I’m in a slightly different situation. I’m a teen coming into a new polyamorous relationship, and my parents love one but don’t even KNOW the other and don’t approve from how I’ve described him. What can I do to make it easier to tell them? I don’t want to have to give him up because they don’t like him. Somebody please help me, anyone!
Stephanie says:
I am 19 years old… and I’m dating someone that has a child. I kept it from my parents for a while.. but I finally told them, & of course they just started going off on me. But then they just started ignoring me. I am so lost, because I am so in love with him, he means so much to me and they don’t know him like I do….. so now because I do like under their roof, I probably won’t be able to see him, or anything. I feel very down.
Asneel Kumar says:
hi, i am 28 and my gf is 27, i am having a situation where my parents don’t approve of my gf, the reason being that m single and my gf was married, is divorced now and has two kids, one boy 4yrs and daughter 7years, i have accepted them both as my kids and they r happy with me coz i give them the love they need from a father, my gf’s parents know about us, and we informed them that we want to get married they have accepted me as their son in law, but when i told my parents they just simply disapproved, said i should find a single girl, they wont accept her and the kids, its their final decision, i asked my parents to give us a chance to prove our love and we both will care for them and we all will be happy together but my parents don’t want to hear what ever i have to say….i know my gf, she has a good heart, supports me always, is always by my side in bad times, we love and understand each other so well, my parents told me if u want her, she can’t stay at our house, i am thinking what i should do? i don’t want to lose a good girl like her and the kids who love me lots and i love them lots too…need advice
Sabine Machado says:
My partner is younger in age.. And that’s causing a lot of trouble in family.. They r not ready to accept.. Plus my partner has a very bad past.. Like dating a lot of girls.. Smoking… But at this point of time in our relationship these all things have stopped.. Yet it is difficult for me to explain them
Andrea says:
I am 20 years old. I live with my mom and my stepdad. I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now. The 2nd month we were dating, I got fired from my job because I decided to skip my job to be with him. I know that is my fault and he would beg me to go to work but I wouldn’t listen. I just wanted to spend time with him. When my mother found that out, she immediately blamed him. Now my parents hate him. To this day, neither of my parents or stepdad has met my boyfriend. They are judging him without even knowing him. If my mother were to find out that we are still dating, she would probably confront him or kick me out of the house. I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend is also willing to meet my mother even though she has threatened him and has accused him of stealing her things already. (She has never spoke to him or seen him. EVER.) I need advice 🙁
Ariana says:
Can someone help me, my boyfriend is 17 and i’m 15. Parents think that he is gonna just get me to do stuff with him or whatever. But he is the most respectful person and such a gentleman. He found out that my mum was feeling that way and now he’s stressing out about it. How can i just tell him its okay and not tk worry because of my parents. Someone please help i can’t lose him
Sadie says:
Have your parent and your boyfriend meet him. With a third party member so they can keep their emotions in check. Talk out the situation.
Anonymous says:
My parents think my bf is polite and kind but they just don’t want me to be dating and i respect that, but i really like him and its causing a problem at home. Whenever i ask to see him i get into a heap of trouble and i need help should i break it off with him?
Nena says:
of course not
Erin R.603 says:
so i’m a girl and im bisexual and my gf´s mom found out we were dating after 6 months. When her mom found out she told me not to talk or to see her again. she even took her out of the school i go to so i couldn’t talk or see her i haven’t seen or talked to in a week are me and my gf still dating???
Sumit Sharma says:
I M 17 and the person I love is 21 we are dating each other since an year and my parents are not accepting the guy in my live they are continously threatening him and even had a talk to his parents may times .. Even my bf parents has scolded him and said that we love that girl but If her parents doesn’t agree you should not continue.. But me and he want us together and he clearly mentioned to his parents that he want to marry me… So as I do we love each other and the guy is genuine as well.. But my parents have threatened me that they will file a police case against him… What should I do but I just can’t leave the guy
Ava says:
Ok so I was forced to brake up with this guy a couple of months ago and my parents said I couldn’t associate with anyone who was friends with him. At the time one of my ex’s friends (lets call him E) was dating a girl who hanged out with him. My parents knew this and decided I couldn’t be friends with them either. But to this day I still talk to E and we’ve become really close friends and my parents don’t know about it. But he broke up with his girlfriend (who is friends with the ex) and hangs out with completely different people. And to top it all off I think I’m starting to have feelings for him. Since he doesn’t talk to or hang out with my ex anymore should I tell my parents about how we are friends? If I do should I just say that he broke up with his girlfriend, hangs out with different people, and wants to be friends again? Please help.
Chesca Leila says:
i just broke up with my boyfriend. we’ve been together for like 1 year and 10 months. he gor hurt by his ex and that’s his reason as to why he controls what i wear, who i talk to, what i do and i lost my friends because of him and my parents trust. not to mention my parents hate him as well. its been a few days since our breakup and im having mixed feelings. did i do the right thing breaking up with him? he keeps texting me saying he loves me but i just dont know anymore.
Nena says:
I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 21. We’ve been together for over a year and my parents literally hate him. He is a hairdresser and he has a lot of tattoos and stretched ears and they call him freak. At first, they weren’t so negative about him and that’s why I was telling them everything since the day I met him, I told them I was with him and I even asked my mum if I could stay at his place at night after our date but one day we had a fight (like every normal couple) and that’s when my parents started HATING him for good. After that they didn’t even want to hear his name, they didn’t want me to be with him so I told them that we broke up. After some months my mum found out that I was lying to them and she was really mad at me and she told me that she wouldn’t tell anything to my father and she forbid me to go at his house or let him do my hair ever again. The situation between me and my mum wasn’t as good as before so I told her that we broke up (again). She had kinda lost her confidence in me so she knew deep inside that I was lying to her again. A few days ago I was at his house and she found out and when I came home she was furious, she was swearing and she was calling me and him names and after that she pulled my hair and slapped me. She said that she would tell my father, that she would kick me out of the house if I continue my relationship with him and that she would hire someone to beat him up. Now she doesn’t talk to me and she treats me like crap and I don’t know what to do. I can’t just leave the house and go to his place because she will find him. I can’t go to his house or sleep over at a friend’s house because she won’t believe me. I’m really sad.
Sadie says:
She sounds extremely abusive and you need to have a conversation with her or get a place with him/a friend and move out.
Melissa Maharaj says:
Hi .im 25yrs of age and my bf is of muslim fate . However i grew up in both a christian and hindu home . Irs been 7yrs we are together and want to get married . I love my parents alot and i dont wana hurt then what can i do ..
Darlene says:
Me and my boyfriend are 16 we’ve been dating for 2 years now. We go to different high schools so seeing each other is really hard. He comes over a lot to my house on the weekends. His family invites me to a lot of events they have or just to go over to their house. Yet my parents told me they will never allow me to go over to his house…His family is so nive his step dad is a cop and his mom is a nurse. They are nice and they are concern why I’m not allowed to go over since me and their son have been dating for so long and I’ve never gone to one of their family events. yet he comes to all of mine… i don’t understand why my parents won’t allow me to…
JR says:
Hello, So I am a recent Doctoral Grad in Music Performance. It is hard to get a big music job right out of school so I have a cust service job in the health field for the time being that pays the bills. My needs are met all the time and I have 2 parents that will do anything for me to ensure that my needs are met. I am dating a guy that I met at church. He grew up with an alcoholic mother who was verbally abusive. No one encouraged him to go to school but he went to bible college and 2 other schools but never finished because of life and his grandmother getting ill. He took care of her until she died and started to manage his own business in graphic design. He loves God and wants to please Him but is lacking financial stability right now because of how hard it is to get contracts year round. He also struggles with needing basic life advice because of the lack of parental figures in his life. He tries to get this from our Pastor as well as others but always feels like they come up short because of him not being a top priority.
Another huge issue that is arising is my parents requesting that he go back to school to get his degree. Because of his financial situation and his exhausting of student loans, him going to finish his degree is not a possibility right now. So he is working hard to get other certifications in order to get a higher paying full time job outside of his business. The end goal is financial stability. Regardless of how he gets there, as long as he works hard and he honors God that’s all that matters.
We both are afraid that my parents will get hung up on his lack of degree esp because they feel like he will eventually get jealous of me and my 3 degrees which will lead to fights and divorce as other family members have experienced.
I told my bf to focus on the vertical relationship to please God with His life, to pursue those things which bring Him peace, and to not worry about pleasing men or getting fulfillment through the outpouring of men into his life because men will always let him Down. The only person who won’t let us down is God. We know God’s standard. If we are meeting God’s standard my dad will notice and be comfortable with him being in my life. How can a parent who is spirit led not acknowledge another man pleasing God? Also, won’t God honor us by us honoring God?
With this being said, we both still struggle with meeting this (my dad’s) standard of success financially or academically in order to get my Father’s approval. I’m afraid to share things about my bf with my parents because I feel like they already showed that he wasn’t good enough even though they didn’t say that. I didn’t even tell them that I threw him a surprise bday party because I felt like they were going to say that I was being financially irresponsible. He was offended that I didn’t share that with them. I told him that I just have to pick and choose my battles and things are only on a need to know basis with them. How can we live live free in Christ without feeling bogged down with the expectations that they have which are very subjective but somewhat understandable given the fact that 1) they love me 2) I’m their child 3) they want the best for me 4) they want to please god 5) they don’t want me to end up with someone who is not the best for me.
I want to honor my parents and honor God without disrespecting them. At this point, what should my bf and I be focused on? How can we honor my parents while also honoring God. Should we even be worried that my parents will forever be controlling my life with their opinions of success?
We just need a lot of counsel and we can’t seem to find people to give us advice. We do have GOd but it’s easy to feel alone; What should we do?
TheHopeLine® says:
It does sound like you are both under a lot of pressure, but you are also focused on the right things and depending upon God first and foremost. Pastors can be really really busy. Is there an older couple that you respect and admire? Titus chapter 2 talks about the importance of women mentoring women and there is also the example of Paul mentoring Timothy. Maybe the Pastor can help you find a Godly couple who will give wise counsel and support.
Juztine Brix says:
Hi guys! My girlfriend just broked up with me a few days ago. The reason was her parents disagreed about getting her involved on a relationship. At first she chosed me over her parents so i took the advantage to prove and show her my feelings for her and making her to become a better woman by helping her pass through her study issues and cheering her up when she’s down. It went pretty well she became top 1 on their class for about two quarters, but then vacation comes by we faced different trials and stuffs so because of that she avoided for weeks and suddenly came back to end our relationship. I know that she loves me so much. Its just her parents doesnt allowed her to be with me. I was wondering whats the best thing i can do for now? I love her so much! In fact we didnt even made any troubles that could make her parents feel bad its just they havent known me yet. Should i fight for our love? She’s a grade 8 student and I’m grade 11.
Haven Lowe says:
I’m asking for a friend of mine. Her parents are Jewish, protective, and extremely strict on keeping everything Eren does in check. The already established boyfriend (Jason) sends a few inappropriate jokes and jabs, and the parents are automatically convinced he’s a bad person, the father going so far as to say Jason will rape Eren if she doesn’t give him what he wants. (He never said anything about sex between them in the first place). He’s a genuinely good guy, me knowing him for 9 years since kindergarten. We’re all about 15 now and the parents don’t want Eren to be within 5 feet of him. Any advice I can pass on? These aren’t their real names btw.
TheHopeLine® says:
You can chat with one of our HopeCoaches about how you can help your friend and about her situation. Just click here – https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
Sadie says:
My mom doesn’t like my current boyfriend*, he’s two years older and was in the same grade as me (started late and got held back). I try not to hide anything and I tell them everything. She still doesn’t trust me alone with him*.
She always calls my relationship “daddy issues” because she said he’s just like my dad and I’ll date any guy like him because he left (but he’s came back into my life). She also said he’ll just bring me down because he dropped out….but he’s encouraging and helping me look for colleges to go to so I can get my PhD and go for my dreams while I’m helping him get his GED and get into Community College so he can start his life. My mother KNOWS this but still doesn’t like him because she “notices a pattern” with the guys I date and has my Marine brother threaten both of us. I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do.
*He was my best friend for 6 years before I dated him and they liked him then. He didn’t do anything to warrant their dislike and I didn’t do anything to make them not trust me. I always tell my mother if I’m ready or not and I told her I wasn’t.
He also respects me and my decisions, hasn’t cheated on me, lied to me, or purposely tried to hurt me. He also hasn’t met my mother yet, so I’m really hoping her opinion of him changes when they meet. He doesn’t necessarily like her though due to the slight mental abuse she puts me through.
Khloe says:
I am 14 years old and just told my mom I have a bf. She then told me I should wait till Im 16. But I really like him. What should I do to have her accept this?
Theresa Guyther Fogle says:
My son dated a woman for over 4 years. She got very drunk during an outing one day and started a huge argument. It continued all the way home. When my Son refused to discuss anything with her, she called the Police and told them he had choked her and was threatening to get his gun and shoot her. Police came, he left, she got a restraining order. They went to Court she was proven to have conjured up the whole story. He broke up with her, never to be with her again, or so we thought. he is now back with her and I have told him that is his choice, but I will never accept her and she is not welcome in my home. He still comes over if I need him, but our relationship has changed. This is not the first time this woman has done something to him and I am sure it won’t be the last. How can I make him see that it is okay if that is the person he wants in his life, but I do not want her toxicity in mine.
Brooks says:
I’m in love with this girl and my parents think I’m to young to date.. I’m 17! How should I tell them that I love her and want to be with her more?
K-Lyn Simpson says:
sit down with her and talk to her tell her you wake up thinking about here and you just want her tell her how u fell about the girl
Caroline Maretha Zheng says:
my parents never agree with several ex BF except my first BF. the reasons are silly such as he is fat. He is full timer in church (doesnt make a big money). Seriously i dont want to hear their adivice anymore. My parents so perfectionist but i am not a model who can get perfect man… what should i do….
Kylie C. says:
im 19 and my boyfriend is 25 with 3 kids by his ex but my mom don’t want me seeing him because he a few years older and has kids but he do even thing he can to be their for them since me and him been together things are going great I don’t know what to do I really like him and want to be with him treats me good never been disrecpful
Bella says:
Im 16 and my parents forced me to break up with my 19 years old boyfriend. Because he has temper and afraid that he might hit me, cause my sister ask my bf what happened to his knuckles , he said I hit a tree(it’s because of our fight). Also my sister told my parents that he kept on asking about me and him having sex but it’s actually not true.
My boyfriend might have a temper but I know for sure that he will never hit anyone, he has 3 sisters, whenever he has mad I always gives him a back hug and he always say “don’t worry baby I will never lay my hands on you or to anyone.” But my parents still forcing me to break up and not be with my friends who are 19 and up years old. Me and my boyfriend decided to have a secret relationship. And I think I understand why my parents are like that because I didn’t tell them I have a bf because I was scared with them, and I know they don’t trust me but I think it’s too much. They think I’m too young to be with 19 years olds but they’re all nice they’ve already met them with my sister. I don’t know what to do please give me some good advice.
K-Lyn Simpson says:
this is kinda whats happening with me my bf has a temper and anger issues he says he is gonna kill him self but the thing is my mom dont know that i have gottenhim to stop saying he is gonna kill him self and to be happy
Danica Oca says:
,,))
Peyton says:
Yea well me and this girl arnt dating but we cuddle and stuff but my whole family disagrees with it all because of what my “gf” family went through in the pass and for how skinny she is and for every time me and her are together everyone cause a huge scene causing depression in my side and pain for the girl I like now heres the kicker they do this for every single one of my gf so if they don’t like the way my gf looks they hate her and its causing alot pain in my love life im 17 btw
aimee says:
I have been with a boy for 4 months nearly 5 i am 16 and my parents dont understand how much i love him he lives an hour away but we make it work, they wont let me see me and i need to they dont understand what i feel for him and how much i love him they think its nothing ive concided running away what do i do?
TheHopeLine® says:
Give it time. If he really is a great guy and it is a healthy relationship for you, then things will work out. Be sure to read our other blogs about what is a healthy relationship – https://www.thehopeline.com/how-to-date-meaningfully
Porter says:
okay, look, I’ve been through heck and back, My entire friend group is dead, so i dont have any friends left. I found this girl that truely makes me happy and I do everything in my power to do better for her. She has increased my grades considerably and made me much happier. But, her parents hate me. I am not a bad kid at all. I haven’t even tried anything. I dont want to because i care too much about her on that front to do that. But her parents still hate me and made us break up. We are still dating but we are doing it in secrecy, I hardly ever see her now, Its been about 3 weeks today. Guys I just dont know what to do.
Shawnee Escobar says:
so ive been talking to a guy that works for my dad. My dad found out before we could tell him and he told us to cut things off but we didn’t so i got grounded and threatened to be kicked out but i still talk to him and now im 18 and he is 20. somehow my aunt found out and idk what to do if my dad finds out. Plus my boyfriends job could be on the line and if he gets fired he will go back to his home state 900 miles away and im afraid he wont come back. What do i do? Please help!
emily vasquez says:
i have talked to my mom about a guy i like however she doesn’t approve because she says hes too ugly for me and i really dont go for looks i go for how they treat me and my family and he treats me extremely nice and when he first met my mom he was very respectful however my mom doesn’t like him i started going out with him two weeks ago but i simply dont know how to convince my mom to let me stay with him. what can i do?
K-Lyn Simpson says:
what should i do i need help i was facetiming my bf and my mom came in and said who are u talking to i said my friend jaedyn then i finally told her the truth and she grounded me because i lied to her how do i tell her that i love this boy and he makes me happy because i have been crying every day because i cant talk to him.
Ally says:
My parents say I am too young to date and they don’t like my boyfriend’s parents. What do I tell them?
Kl says:
I’m 18 and my boyfriend is 26 and my dad who wasn’t really a part of my life doesn’t approve of the relationship even though I’m happy. But my mother has no problem with me and my bf.
Landon says:
I have had a girlfriend since kindergartin but now in eighth grade they want us to seperate what do i do?
Jessica Darlyn Moreno says:
So my boyfriend and I got back together last summer. I haven’t told my dad yet because I’m scared of what his reaction will be. When my bf and I were first starting to date early 2016, my dad got super pissed and told me that I was stupid for thinking of dating him because of a couple of mistakes that he made (he stole a dreamcatcher from a mutual friend and gave it to me as a gift AND how he lied to me about it when we first met)… I dated him Feb-June of 2016 and then was forced to break up because my bf got jumped and stabbed by two men. He survived but I was too broken internally because of that event. My dad then forces me to break up with him and so I did. We would talk here and there and then lost contact early 2017 because I didn’t feel like he wanted to get back with me. Then in summer 2017, we meet up at the end of June and we’ve been back together since then. Lately though, my dad feels that I may be seeing someone and my bf is trying his best to become a better man than when we first met, BUT I’m not ready to tell my dad. My mom knows since the day we got back together… because she can read me. But she already said that when the rest of the family finds out, she knew nothing. I’m just tired of lying to my dad, but I’m also scared of what he’s going to do to me. He told me once that he would take away the car, make me pay rent, and I’m currently trying to graduate college as a commuter. I’m just not sure if and when I would tell my dad. I get that my dad wants me to be safe, but I’m also 23 and I know how to take care of myself. I really love and care about my boyfriend, but I also am tired of keeping this a secret from my dad.
How do I go about this?
BORN2BE says:
First of all the problem is old but at the end I like your opinions of you guys because I feel guilty.
5 years ago I was 21 and I had a college girl who was gypsy Muslim.
At one point of the college we’ve been together for a couple months and I
told to my parents and my brother about the girl because I liked her so
much.
After I told to them they become pissed off because she’s wasn’t from same religion and they were against our relationship.
At the beginning I was pretending like everything is ok but after a
while I couldn’t stand the mental pressure and I told her about the
problem.
After I told her he started little by little to walk away from me.
She wasn’t so close like it was previously and she become distant, but I
didn’t liked to left the girl because it was to good and I liked to be
with the girl no matter what.
But at that time I wasn’t mentally prepared to go through all that
fights and arguments with my family and I needed time to make good
connection with my parents because they were so pissed off.
But didn’t last long and after a month she left me and she told me that
she already had some other guy who is also from Christian religion.
At that moment I was devastated because at the same time I wasn’t good with my family because her and in meanwhile she left me.
I was so long in depression and my life started to be real misery
because I felt betrayed from my family and from her at the same time and
also I felt guilty and regret because I didn’t took anything to take
under control.
Fast forward 4 years ahead I am 26 now.
It’s 2018 and I didn’t have any contact with the girl for almost three
years and from nowhere last month she send me facebook request and I
accept it and we started to talk like nothing was happened.
At one moment I thought this is a chance to correct my mistake who I
made 4 years ago but from the conversations I can see this girl don’t
like nothing with me anymore.
So guys I need honest advice about the situation because my mind was and still is in messy because from this.
Did I took correct step because I told to my parents and should I make
some effort now to bring the girl again in my life or should I move with
my life.
Birta Bey says:
My parents want me to marry a guy they have chosen. I have a boyfriend and I have tald everything about him but still my parents were forcing me to give breakup an also my father warn to my boyfriend to run away from this place. I can’t live without him neither he can. What shall I do? The account which I am using is his account..
Alyssa says:
After going on a band trip to New York I got to get to know this guy a lot better and we really clicked on the trip. So we decided we were going to date. When I told my parents about him they stalked his Facebook profile page. They decided they didn’t like him because of his music taste. He likes listening to heavy metal and they searched up some of lyrics of his bands and didn’t like how some of them are gory. After just seeing that they decided he was no good for me and they told me to my face that he was not the one for me. They don’t know me as well as I know myself so how is it their right to tell me who is for me and who isn’t. Plus I’m 17 and in like 6 months I’ll be turning into a legal adult, I should be able to start making my own decisions in life. They never gave him a chance either for him to come and meet him. He has repeatedly stated that he would come over and introduce himself and meet them. Whenever I told them that they stuck up their noses and said they wouldn’t allow it. They never gave him a chance. All they did was judge a book by it’s cover. And I have made things even more worse now because they didn’t want me going to prom with him but I lied and went behind their backs anyways. I feel really bad for doing that to them and it hurt them really badly and now they don’t trust me anymore. My friends think though that my parents should accept the fact that I’m turning into an adult soon and that I am going to start making my own decisions. I need some advice on this situation because I don’t know what to do.
Sherien a says:
at first my mom did not have a problem with me dating this guy, unlike my dad who never liked him. but then I hung out at his house and now my mom feels disrespected by him. I told my brother I was going over, but when I came home my brother acted like I never told him I was going over there. that night I got into a fight with my mom she started yelling at me and told me she didn’t like me going over there, the fight just escalated and she told me she did not want me talking to him any longer, she told me that if i would talk to him one more time shed call the police on him and all this other stuff… I’m not surprised because my family is crazy.. but all I want is to convince my parents to let me talk to him.. he does not talk to me any longer because he respects the fact that my brother does not want us to talk to each other. I really need to convince my parents because this has been going on for 3 days now and I can’t stop thinking about him. not only am I now allowed to talk to him, but my parents also took away my phone and I’m not allowed to go outside. they just don’t trust me any longer. I’m not even allowed to be home alone because they think ill try to sneak out. I texted my mom today and told her it’s not fair to judge someone before even getting to meet them and that if she would get to know him her perspective would change and she would see what a great guy he actually is.
jamie strawhecker says:
I have a problem. I’m dating this guy and have been for almost a year now and my brother for reasons I don’t know decided to sabotage our relationship and tell my parents that he stole my brothers Xbox one. My dad being my dad told my mom and they both believed him over me, so now he isn’t allowed around me unless my parents are like right beside me. I am almost 16 and I still get treated like I’m only 8. I really don’t want my family getting in between my relationship, what do I do?
Ridley Denver says:
I don’t typically believe in love at first sight but thats what i felt when i met my ex. We got together last December and recently broke up due to my parents being so hard on him. He still misses me but he kept saying that its hard because my parents will never accept them. The reason why they’re so hard on him is because he lives in a historical part of town where gangsters used to live ( he is not a gangster ) and that he is not studying ( he owns a cafe under his name with his parents ). I’ve dated two boys before and none of them made me feel the way he did. Sure, its not the best thing to go with but we have to start somewhere so why can’t we grow together? I come from a rich family and money to me is not the highest priority, I value happiness and it is with him. Talking to my parents calmly did not help, they responded negatively and my heart broke. I am still trying to make things work even though it is tough. They kept saying that I am a fool for wanting to date such a lowlife when I was raised a certain way. It made me think that it was more about them than me ( my father kept saying that he makes more money than them and he felt ashamed when his friends knew i was dating him). Any ideas on how I can talk to my ex and my parents to make them come to a compromise?
Paula says:
I have the exact same thing going on with me. But I decided to come up with a three-step plan, I realize that maybe the things that make them disagree is miscommunication. So, step one should be talking to someone who connects you and your boyfriend. For example, an older sibling who is close to your parents is a good choice. (otherwise, it could be a friend of your parents or a guidance counselor you and your parents’ trust.) You can have a sit down with them and ask them for help or to help you both see what your parents might be seeing. This is also a perfect time to show someone the person behind what everyone else sees, the kind, loving man that would work hard for your relationship. The second step would be to ask your parents to be reasonable and at least sit down to get to see what type of guy he really is. Hopefully, they won’t scare him away, but your parents should love you enough to try to understand your viewpoint a little. The third step is to discuss the relationship with your parents after they’ve met him and asked some questions. If they see what you see, then try to come to an agreement and dating boundaries. But if they still believe he isn’t good for you, maybe we should step back and abide by their wisdom.
Bonnie Mize says:
my parents recently found out i was dating this boy. we have been together muliplable times over and over for a year now. this don’t approve of him what so ever because he has gotten expelled from our highschool last year and is also on house arrest right now. but i admire him. and we both help each other through everything and he has proven to me he’ll change for the best of us. and my parents just think i’m despreite or something or that i want attention from boys. they took my phone and grounded me so i can’t talk to him and i really just wish they could understand. what should i do?
Karolina says:
Hi Bonnie, I understand how it feels to be in this situation… I myself have been dating a boy, things got serious and i suspected that my parents knew about it when they took away all my electronics. They said I need to focus on school, they also don’t let me hang out with my friends nor talk to them, making it very hard for me. I can’t talk to my bf know either. Parents use a girls age against them, tell her what she can or can’t do. Stand up for yourself, tell them that he’s your boyfriend, not theirs, and that you have the right to date anyone you want to. If this doesn’t work, I recommend you just go into their room and take your phone.
Hope this helps 🙂
Sam says:
So I stared talking to this guy he was so sweet and kind and we started going on dates. My dad found out that he is Mexican and disapproved immensely but I think that just because he is not white doesn’t mean he is not a good person. We have been secretly dating on and off for almost a year but things have been very hard. I have tried to talk to my parents but they just get angry and don’t listen I don’t know what to do
Angela says:
I’m replying with “I’m in exact same situation and need help, too, so is anyone going to give thier input/opinion?
Thank you!
SSF
Taylor says:
My dad is the exact same way and my bf is Mexican as well and he has been getting into trouble lately and my dad found out but I’m trying my hardest to persuade him to stop doing the things he is doing because he really is a great person and he is so sweet to me and it really sucks when my dad doesn’t approve of him because he isn’t white. Although I am only still in junior high I still really really hope that my dad can accept my boyfriend and accept the fact that I have a boyfriend and he isn’t white. Oh gosh no imagine what he is going to think when I tell him I am pansexual. oh Jeez there’s a new problem.
Nadia says:
I am the one whom the parents don’t like. I am 29 and divorced and not good enough for my BFs strictest Lebanese family. I am not a perfect person and have made mistakes but I don’t think my past makes me a bad person either. I love my bf so much but after hearing all the hurtful things his family has said about me really scares me and doubts my future with him. He says they love him and will eventually “have” to accept the person he chooses for his life but I feel like that is easier said then done. Perhaps they will get past him being with but I am unsure if I can let go of the resentment I have for them.
Jenny says:
If he is in that much trouble with the government and has issues with authority then something has to be going on. Do not trust him until he proves to you he will make a difference.
Lindsey says:
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half now and my family has always been Christian and in the beginning of our relationship they loved him! But as soon as they found out we had sex (I told my mom out frustration of her always beating around the bush on whether we’ve had sex or not yet) they were furious at me because I had done the same thing with my ex and thought I had learned not to do it from my past boyfriend. I moved out 2 months ago but for as long as we’ve been together he was not allowed to come to my house and hang out with my family. But we still went on dates and still do obviously. He makes me the happiest girl in the world and i just want them to see that but it’s just been hard since they haven’t been able to have a relationship with him. The topic of us has came up several times and just did on Thanksgiving and they said I could do so much better. They think he doesn’t have a future just cause he’s been trying to get into the Navy for a long time. But I see that he has really tried and he was in the Navy and officially got sworn in and everything but then got medically discharged for his past medical issues with his thyroid. And now he is just waiting for the Navy doctor to say whether he is clear to go back into the navy. He has been working full time while he’s been waiting and makes good money and enough to pay his bills. I just don’t see how my parents can say he doesn’t have a future when he’s been trying so desperately to get back in and works full time. He lives with his grandparents and mom but still pay for himself. I’m just wondering if they will give him another chance one day. And what can I can do to somehow solve this problem because I do care about my family and him and I want them to accept who I’m dating. I just feel like the only reason they could not “like” him is because we had sex but I believe us having sex does in NO way value our character in terms of does it make us a bad person or not. I am just worried that they will never give him another chance.
MIlla Teaga says:
Well my mom doesn’t want me to date this one boy , because she believes he is a terrible influence. He really isn’t though . He is like every regular teen . He just turned 18 in October but my mother doesn’t approve of him , because she read our messages which were not bad at all , but the only thing was he talked about his mom ,and how they aren’t on good terms. He is extremely sweet , and kind , and I just totally admire him so much! He is Black and Hawaiian , and also very respectful. I honestly don’t know what to do ? And I really need some advice. Someone Help?
Marie says:
My boyfriend and I, both are 17, we dated for 9 months . During that time, I was emotional, immature, insecure and had some self-destructive behavior problems. I was his first real gf, he was my third, but most serious bf. Both families liked us together, but my emotional state caused lots of problems. We are 1.5 hours apart, which was really hard on us. We wanted to see each other all the time, but only got to see each other on weekends. My insecurity got pretty bad, he asked my parents for help dealing with me. Once they got involved, they saw there were some issues and we decided I would start therapy. I went for 4 months, with some resistance to most of it. Then, we had a pretty big communication failure and he ended the relationship. We didn’t speak for 3 months, but he kept in contact with my family. I finally reached out to him to make him “go away” and leave me & my family alone. I was so mad that he dropped me without another word. After I sent him an angry message, we talked for hours. He regretted so much and was scared to contact me. He thought I was better off without him; however, I was miserable while trying to get over him. I was filling all of my time with people & activities – he saw it as moving on. We started talking again, lots of apologies and many of the good feelings were still there. He knew through my family I had been making changes. Big obstacle, his dad really opposes a 2.0 us. He thinks I’m too emotional and not a good fit. My parents see the changes in me, he sees changes in me, but his dad has basically forbidden it. He respects (or fears) his dad too much to sneak around. His mom is ok with a 2.0 if we have talked about our original break up and have come to terms with making some changes. His mom can’t change his dad’s mind and he has the final say on it. He cares deeply about me & I about him, but he has chosen to put us on hold for a while. That hurts me too. He wants to keep texting & talking. I’m hurt and confused & he doesn’t want to give up. I wish there was hope his dad will give us a second chance. He’s a great guy, driven, kind and respectful, but knows he has a lot to learn about having a gf. I’ve made some positive changes in my behavior, my parents are cautiously complimentary of my changes. Amazingly, my parents have always trusted us to do whatever we’ve wanted, they say it’s because we respect all the rules. Sex has never been a “goal” for either of us. It’s always been that “something for the future”. We both feel like we have more “relationship” to experience with each other. Sure it would be great if we are a forever couple, but the most we are hoping for now is just the chance to see where we could take a second chance. I don’t want to date anyone else, nor does he, right now we are miserably stuck, it’s been 6 weeks since we started talking again. We’ve seen each other 3 times now and he and his dad have been at each other over us so much recently he just can’t take it anymore – so he’s put us on hold. Advice???
Andrew says:
So I have been talking to this girl that is Turkish for the past two months and recently we found out that we both really like each other. The only problem is that her mother does not want her to be with someone who is non-Turkish. Me and this girl really care about each other and want to start a true relationship but we can’t due to what her mother wants. She is afraid to talk to her mom about it because she fears that the answer will be an automatic no but she really wants her mom to see that I am truly a great person. Any advice? thanks.
Anna says:
I have been with this guy for 6 months now, Ive just turned 17 and he’s 20, and my parents still can’t fully accept him, due to the age difference, even though there is 9 years between my mum and dad…. My boyfriend become an important part of my life, however I still live the life I want to live as a 17yearold girl (just as my parents want). However after being with him for 6months, my parents still will not let him stay over, not even in seperate rooms at opposite ends of the house, and this is tearing me and my boyfriend apart as he has to constantly drive me around everywhere just to see me and we have to watch our friends (mine who are a similar age to me and his a similar age to him) be able to do this and more. I feel like I’m trapped in this horrible place behind a brick wall, as I partially understand my parents and cannot rebel against them as they do a lot for me, but by not rebelling I’m having to see how much upset and frustration it’s causing both me and my boyfriend and it’s tearing me apart that they can’t fully accept him into my life.
Michelle says:
I’m dating this 21 year old guy and I’m 17 and I dont know how to tell my dad about me dating him
Stressed says:
My significant other and I have been together 2 and a half years. We are both seniors and we have broken up 3 times (the first time like 6 months in was a genuine relationship issue and twice due to my mental health) we got back together like a month ago, but I know my parents and my sister (all I love to death) don’t fully approve. They all believe I am with my s/o because I feel like no one else will want me. Yeah that is a worry, but I’m happy with them right now, who cares ya know? I just want to do things together but my s/o is really detached because they sense my family’s dislike. They’re going away for college next year and I am staying home so part of me just wants to enjoy the time while we have it: we are both too needy of people to be a state away and make it work, I know this but my s/o doesn’t. Regardless I’m happy now and so are they. My mom told me “next time you guys break up, I’m not going to be there for you. When they stop making you happy, leave” and part of me thinks that’s common sense but also that was really harsh for no reason. I’m just conflicted.
zoey says:
so me and my boyfriend have dated before but we broke up because he was not mentally ready to be in an actually relationship. we where broken up for 9 months. we just started dating agian and i asked my dad if it was okay if i could see him (my dads stricked about leaving the house without asking first) and he said “no i dont want him near you. hes a bad seed” but ever since the last time we dated he has changed so much and idk how to tell my boyfriend that my dad does not like him. i also want to make my dad like him but idk how. help?
Adriana says:
I’m dating this guy and he is super nice and asks me what I want/don’t want to do and asks if i give him permission to do things(like hugging me to something) but my mom even if I tell her these things and tell her that he has dated people before (and she’s especially worried I might end up sexually abused but I know the people and they haven’t been sexually abused or anything else) but she still doesn’t want me to date him at all and she won’t even let me go out and watch a movie even if I am telling her I’m going with him and more friends so I know she trusts me but she really doesn’t want to try and trust the guy and I’m not really sure what I’m going to do.
Yaya says:
I’m currently dating this one boy for 3 months now; February 15th will be our 4 month anniversary and everything is going well. He is truly one of the most fantastic, wonderful guys I ever known, he’s my first real serious boyfriend, I used to have some flings in the past before he came along, but he is different than the rest. He treats me well and does me all of these kind gestures for me and has meet my parents but unfortunately, as much as I hate to admit, my parents disapprove of him. They don’t like the fact that he is a college drop out, he is paying off his debts, living in an rv at his grandparent’s backyard and that he is not a member of the same church as us. They highly disapprove of that cause they wanted me to date somebody who “lives up to their standards”. however, even though he does not meet their standards, I try to ignore some of the comments my parents say about him and love him regards but it’s so hard, they are putting so much more pressure into my relationship than it should of had. I love my boyfriend so very much and he has plans on going back to college and starting a welding career but my parents no matter how hard I try to convince that he is a great man, they will try to shut me down and keep on telling me to move on because they cannot see me having a future with him. Please give me some advice on how I should handle this situation; I really do not want my parents to ruin what I have with my boyfriend.
Jessica says:
I have been “talking to” my s/o for 6 months now. We haven’t made it official because of my parent’s strong dislike for him. We are exclusive, so I don’t talk to any other guys and he doesn’t talk to any other girls (romantically of course). My parents don’t like him strictly because of his religion. They met him once before but their opinion of him was very biased because of his religion. He was very scared to meet them because I told him how my parents feel, so i understand why he was so nervous meeting my parents. He is actually the sweetest, caring, loving, and selfless person but my parents don’t know that because they never put in the effort to get to know him. I find it very unfair that my parents judge him not knowing anything about him. My dad said he doesn’t even want me talking to him because of his religion. On the other hand, I know that they have wisdom I don’t have and I try to understand where they are coming from. They don’t believe in high school relationships and have very high standards in general -grades, boys, etc. I am the youngest of 4 girls so that might be a factor because I am the baby of the family. At this point, I’m not so sure what to do. I want to talk to them but I am so so scared it will go south.
Rose calaba says:
Hey.. im 13 and the guy im talking to is 15 my praents are strict and my 2 older brothers its hard for me.. i met him at my boxing gym and we both got attacthed to each other. He treats me right and i couldnt be happier. We kept things lowkey for a while. We secretly saw each other and gave each other hugs and other ‘kool’ stuff. but then my parents found out from my brothers. My brothers told my parents that i was dating him. and when my dad talked to me he told me that i wasnt allowed to talk to him or go near him. I was hurt they dont understand how much i love this kid. There Many kids at my school have a great bond with there mother, they get to takk to them abaout boys but i cant.. i always have to keep this to myself its just better i guess. But please help me i dont know how to talk to them…
Destini says:
Hi I’m almost 17 and my boyfriend is almost 18. We have been on and off for almost 7 months. We broke up because of his brother, and he was scared to get hurt. My parents don’t want me with him at all, and told me I’m not allowed to have any contact with him at all. We got back together and have been keeping it a secret, but my mom knows about it. I’m not sure what will happen if my step dad found out, but I know it won’t end well. My mom will side with him because she doesn’t want to hear it. We are very happy together, and I love this boy with all of my heart. We have our future planed out, and he even said if wort came to worst he will have a man to man talk with my step dad. He told me no matter what happens he still wants to be with me. Honestly, I’m just really scared. Someone at school found out, and I know they will tell my step dad. What do I do?
Gabby says:
Hello, my name is Gabby I met my 2nd boyfriend after my first one chested on me, my boyfriend and I met each other when I was in 7th grade and he was a freshman in high school, we met at a skating rink and at first we thought it was just a little puppy love but on our 4th month of dating (I know it sounds crazy) but he gave me a promise ring to always be faithful, loving, and respectful. And he was, he was the nicest boyfriend I’ve had and we are very happy with each other, I let him meet my mom and I met his parents and they all got a long but my mom didn’t want me to date until I was 16 so we waited but for 2 years if eaiting I just kept thinking to myself, how can I stop my feeling and emotions to myself and my mom would constantly yell at me if she found out I saw him, or got close to him (such as hugging for to long or holding hands) around age 15 I started to dislike my mom because she would constantly yell at me and make me feel like I was the mad person for loving someone, she took my phone away so I wouldn’t be blessed to talk to him, at this time I was pissed at her. I snuck out to see him and try my best not to get caught. Once I turn 16 I asked my mom if I could date him and she yelled at me telling me I better not get pregnant or she’d be disappointed in me. That night on my birthday I just cried but I was happy bdcuade I could date him without sneaking out. But when ever I asked if I could go on a date with him she’d tell me NO or not now like EVERY TIME I ASKED I got kissed and started sneaking out again but I got caught by the police.. Apparently we were in a private property but we were just talking and they called our oarents. Ever since I was 16 my mom blocked every contact I have of him and his parents and deleted all my social medias. I’m 17 now. I’m almost 18 and when I’m am I’m out of here, I really don’t like my mom, she thinks she being a good parent by kicking him out of my life but to me it’s only driving me out of hers. I just want to be happy, I don’t understand why she has to hold a grudge on me for so many years.
Violet says:
I’m 15, turning 16 in April, my boyfriend is 17. I’ve been dating him for a month and we couldn’t be happier. I told my parents about a problem he’s having with an ex-girlfriend who says she’s pregnant even though she’s not. But because of that they refuse to even speak to him and if they see him at our house, my mother is going to call the cops when he has done nothing wrong. I don’t know what to do and am slowly giving up. They won’t listen to me. I know they want to protect me and keep me safe, but their making me feel like a little girl who can’t think for myself. I really need some advice because they’ve been treating me like absolute crap ever since.
Stuti says:
Hi I am 17. I have been dating someone and told my parents about him but now they asked me to finish all contacts with him Judy because they think I am too young and he is from some other caste. This is really riddiculus. They even said that I have no right to choose who I date just because they brought me to this world. Never expected such thing from them. I really don’t like them anymore. How could they say something like that to their own daughter.
B says:
That was not right of them in the slightest, but once you move out when you are much older you can make these choices for yourself.
Eunice says:
My name is Eunice ,am 23 years of age and my boyfriend is 24 years of age .please my father and my sister doesn’t approve our relationship just because my boyfriend’s uncle daughter have dated in my family before ,so they want l and my b/f to quit our relationship . Please give me some advice cause l really love him so much that , l dont even know what to do
Jessy says:
I will suggest is to listen to your family. Sometimes we think it is right to continue our decision. I have the same situation to you. My boyfriend is my sisters ex boyfriend and I really dont know because theyve hidden their relationship to our family. Then when I met this guy I introduced it to my family, But I didnt continue our relationship because My sister told about my boyfriend that he was her ex. I was so dissapointed because I love him. However, I need him to let go even though its really hurt,because I love both of them. So I let him go.😔 its so hard but I need to choose.
B says:
Hi, I think it’s important to understand where your parents are coming from. But I think your relationship is fine, if you are happy with your partner then continue. I think they are just concerned that it would be incest, but it’s not in the slightest.
Lily says:
My parents have never meet my boyfriend nor do they want to they refuse to see where I come from on my side of the story they put me down for wanting to be with him he is of a different race and that is why they don’t want me with him he’s a really good guy he’s there for me and does everything you’d expect a good boyfriend to do I wanna tell my parents more about him and that I want them to meet him but they told me they didn’t want me talking to him or even communicating with him what should I do we’ve been together for a year before they found out we’re going on 2 years now what should I do ??
B says:
To be honest if you are he is not pushing to be know for the relationship you are in with him, then it’s all wrong from the start. It’s not far to both of you, you deserve better. He is not the one.
Leti says:
Hi I’m Leti, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and my parents won’t allow me to do lots of things with my boyfriend just because we’re not married. My older sister and her husband only knew each other for 2 months and they got married, my parents don’t care what they do because they’re married but they still live at home. Even though me and my boyfriend have been together and around for almost 2 years my parents don’t consider my boyfriend(jr) as family and that breaks my heart😔 they barely know my sisters husband that has only been around for a couple of months and he’s already considered family because they’re married. I feel like the outcast of my family because I really love jr and I don’t want to be around my family if they feel that way about my love. I’ve talked to my parents about how I feel that it’s unfair, but they don’t care and they don’t listen to what I have to say I don’t know what to do in this situation. I’m 19 years old and so is jr, it’s very expensive to even get an apartment here in California I’ve been seriously been thinking about living in my car to get away from my family. I don’t know what to do.
B says:
If you are dating for 2 years and he hasn’t popes the question, and you don’t feel a need to further the relationship something is wrong.
Shadow killer says:
Like I’m 13 and my mom and dad let me date this girl called karina but her parents don’t let us date me and her always text in Snapchat and every year my cousin friends brings her like 1 or 2 times a year but now sence we got older I don’t see her no more I don’t even have her phone number or her Snapchat name and I told her in some days or years we will see each other I really miss her I know how it feels when you fall in love.
Kayla says:
So I meat my boyfriends parents and sense I don’t have a phone I used his and I texted my Mom on Instagram and his Dad wanted to see that I texted her and he saw what my friends sent and (btw its not family friend) and my boyfriend told me that his Dad didn’t like me because of what my friends say and show and I cant control it so i don’t know what to do
Caitlin says:
I’m 13, something happened on WhatsApp and my friends boyfriend swore in the group chat and was quite dirty, we all told him to stop, but my boyfriend didn’t tell him to stop, my bf didn’t send anything, except he swore but we all did a least once…I will admit that..but my parents found out about the group and now don’t like my bf even though they have never met him…but the unfair thing is that my friends mum forgave my friends bf because she knew him, but my mum has never even had a chance to meet him…it upsets me because he makes me so happy and I don’t want to lose him, we have kept secretly dating and I have been planning to talk to my parents but I’m too scared to do it because I know that they would just yell at me…please help me, I rlly don’t want to lose him…
Mannat Gaba says:
Hi, I am 21 and my boyfriend is 24. I revealed about my relationship to my parents 2 months ago and when I told them they were pretty normal. Infact, when my father inquired about him from others he also started planning for our wedding. As, my boyfriend is from another state, my parents were hesitant but still they told me that they wanted to meet him. He came over for lunch, and everything was beyond perfect. They all had a great conversation and even their views matched on almost everything. However, when my boyfriend left my place my parents started to tell me that he is a good boy but you guys do not have a match. The reasons they are giving me are- his clothes, his height (tho taller than me), etc. They say that they have no issues if I be friends with him but after having dated for 5 years how can we be Friends???!!
Moreover, my boyfriend’s family also know about all this and they are very supportive. His mom keeps calling me to console me as I am very upset. All my friends approve of our relationship and none of them wants to see us apart.
My parents have a slightly different idea of their son-in-law but I am not of that view.
PLEASE SUGGEST ME SOMETHING I AM HAVING SLEEPLESS NIGHTS.
TIA!
Emma says:
Hi, I am 16 years old and really want to date this guy but my parents will never let me hang out with him because they think he is “bad news.” We have been friends for a while because I have always had a boyfriend even though he likes me. He has a bad reputation but has made changes in his life because he is tired of his bad reputation. Anyway my parents refuse to see that I like him and he likes me. I have tried to explain to them multiple times my side of the story and they refuse to agree. Help?
Briana says:
my parents are the same way although my boyfriend has a good reputation so I don’t understand, anyways if he is changing and you like/love him for who he is then you should be with him. does he make you happy? does he make you feel loved? do you see your future with him? do you feel safe with him? if your answer was yes to all of these then you should be with him! don’t let your parents destroy your own happiness. they aren’t gonna be with him, its not their partner so it shouldn’t matter, I’m sure they’re only trying to look out for you, but at the end of the day it’s your decision:)
Can't say my name for my own safety says:
Hey great article but I am gay and my Homophobic parents don’t agree with my very sweet and very nice boyfriend because we are gay so is this an exception????
Liv says:
I am 21. Actually just wanted to express in comment since I am facing difficulties in forgetting the person and trying my best to accept. I probably need at least someone to hear me out. The main issue of disapproval was because of religion, culture and nationality differences. He is a good and a religious person. Despite our differences, I was happy to learn something new each time. It was indeed a sincere relationship. He reminded me of something I have forgotten in life and taught me the meaning of happiness. I truly appreciate his presence. Due to both of our parents trying to uphold their traditional values, we were not allowed to continue our relationship. It saddens me because he is the person I often express my thoughts to despite the differences in mentality between the two of us, he always remained calm and gave me advices although I am often very emotional. Of course, we also had arguments, we know each other’s weakness. But he could tolerate with my attitude and I could too. We always forgive each other’s mistakes. Till this very day we remained friends but, sometimes i caught myself thinking how much I love that person. The saddest part is that I will be moving to another country very soon and I will no longer be able to see him anymore. Can anyone suggest me on ways to forget that person?
Audrey says:
Hi Liv. I’m sorry about your situation, and you sound like you made a very difficult wise choice. The best way to stop thinking about one thing is to fill your mind with something else. I had a very similar situation in which I had to stop thinking about a past relationship, and it really helped me to meditate on God’s Word and spend time with friends and family. Whenever he came to mind, I would pray and bring it up to God and ask Him to help me surrender my feelings to Him. God wants to guide you and give you joy. It might be a process, but He is on your side and desires to help you find contentment in Him and His future plans for you. Blessings : ) thanks for sharing.
– Audrey
Kristel says:
It’s good to get to know her first. Be smart and cool about your approach to their new girlfriend so that you don’t need to argue with your son. These tips are helpful. Nothing is better than having a harmonious relationship with everyone.
Aj styles says:
A boy told me he luv me even if i don expect it so i tod my mom he his my frd she said i shuld not av a frd who is a boy
Caedmon Craig says:
Technically, my gf’s parents don’t know we are dating, but whenever I talk to her,her grandma just stares at me from the porch or out a window. I move to get out of her sight, and the grandma gets angry with my gf when she follows.
Should I just be like “Hey, grandma, could you please not look at me all the ******* time!”
Brayden G. says:
My dad hates that I’m in love with my partner, a month prior to me and her even meeting, she was taken advantage of at a party while she was high. And she’s 5 months and 13 days along and I didn’t learn this from her until recently, we’ve been together for 4 months. My dad heavily disapproves of her just because she got “knocked up” by another man, when in reality that wasn’t her fault. Should she have not gone to that party? probably not, but that’s in the past now and there’s nothing I or she can do to change it. All I’m trying to do, is step up and be a good man and a good partner to my girlfriend, she has been through Hell and back multiple times just to keep her baby alive. And what my dad does not see is that I’m doing my best to support her and love her and treat her right, and I am more than willing to step up and be a father-figure in the child’s life, because every child deserves a loving father. I’m just doing what I feel in my heart is right. But he doesn’t understand and doesn’t try to understand, hes so consumed with his own ego and pride that he cant see that his own son is doing his best to take care of himself and the woman he loves. what happened to her was out of my hands, but I’m here now, and that’s all that matters. please, feel free to drop your opinions, I could really use some advice.
Lucia says:
I’m a couple months late to reply to this, but I just wanted to say that even though we are strangers, I’m so incredibly proud of you for being the better person and stepping up to support this child and the mother. Know that there are many fathers who would flee as soon as they’re told they have a child. Your dad may not understand or agree with your decision, partially because he has never experienced something like this (im assuming) but also because he’s afraid, which makes him stubborn. I’m guessing the baby has already come into the world, so I bet he’s had a change of heart realizing he’s now a grandfather. I wish you all the best.
Bex says:
“Parents are forever” well sure but the wonderful part of being an adult is that you get to choose who is in your life and it’s is entirely okay for you to choose what’s best for you even if that includes distancing yourself from your family. When I tell someone I don’t talk to my dad and they say well “they’re family”….that means nothing to me. Why should I put up with more bs from them just because were related. You’re making a lot of assumptions ”parents always want what’s best for you”…. none of this applies if your parents are narcissists.
Calvin says:
Well, You describe perfect and reasonable parents here but not all of them are like that. I am grown up now, 41,but I had trouble with my parents accepting my boyfriends during whole life. I must say we weren’t on best terms when it comes to that. Reasons for them to forbid the relationships varied from case to case but one thing was in common: they never really met my boyfriends and were not interested in any of them as a person. That didn’t matter. They never wanted to meet them. They would just assume if he is or is not right for me. If their background didn’t fit, parents, age, religion, or whatever they would just disagree and get mad at me without talking to me or hearing me out. And yes, because of that, I lied to them my whole life. In the end i would just not talk about it. They never asked me: Are you happy? Do you love him? Does he love you? Does he treat you right? Those things didn’t really matter. If for any reason they thought it is not the time for me to be in relationship (have to study, I am too young, what if i get pregnant, what will people say) or they thought he is not right (i repeat: they never met them. Unless i forced it and then they made it very uncomfortable). We never managed to have normal open conversation because it would just be a conversation where they are angry with me and want me to stop dating that guy. Once my mom thought i was in relationship with a divorced guy and this is how she started conversation (angrily):”sit. We have to talk. Now, If you are in a relationship with him, you and I will now have the biggest fight ever.”What an opener! Yeah mom, can’t wait to tell you all about it. I said no, i am not dating him. And i was. And i still am. She only cared about the fact that he was divorced. That is all. So I have to disagree about some things here: 1. No, parents are not always reasonable and sometimes they don’t really see the whole picture but are blinded with their own rigid attitudes and believes. 2. They don’t always want what is best for you but what they think is best for you. 3. It is not always easy to openly talk to them. Your article is just…a situation in perfect conditions. Life usually is not perfect and it is hard to find common language. Some of us, never really manage.
Tabby says:
Omg this was my mother when i was a teenager. She once said I couldn’t even talk to boys unless he wanted to marry me – to which I sarcastically replied, “What, he’s supposed to propose marriage just to say hello? Don’t be ridiculous.”
I had boyfriends anyway, yet somehow remained a virgin until 22. Why? Because contrary to my mother’s idea that I had no sense, I was perfectly capable of refusing to do things I didn’t want to do, and even then, I was really, REALLY good at being intimidating when I chose to. I was also pretty impervious to peer pressure (one boyfriend tried that, found out I didn’t CARE if he broke up with me because of it). My desire not to have kids was stronger than anything, and the boy never seemed to have a condom.
Moral of the story? Parents may have more life experience, but it would serve them well to listen to their kids — sometimes the kid is wiser than they think.
Tori says:
The whole point of dating and such is usually (not always) to find and start your OWN family. And most of these comments I agree with when they say that most parents honestly dont care to get to know certain peoples s/o. My parents only bothered to get to know the favorite sisters bfs…but never mine. Still to this day. It’s really sad. My exes mother was the same. No one is ever good enough for him..and she needs him too much (shes freaking married still) and depends on him being her therapist about her life problems and doesnt seem to want her only child that doesnt have a kid, to finally have his own family.
E Stephen says:
What if My Parents Don’t Approve of My BF/GF?
My co worker did this to some black guy she was with, made a whole deal out of it, then married a white guy right after to not be alone during pandemic. Why bother waste a mans times like that, be degrading, sleep with him but hide him from your parents if you’re racists. Seems like a huge waste of everyones time.
Jen says:
Respectfully, this article appears to have been paid for by the Parents Council of the United States of America. Which is just a corny way of saying it appears to contain quite a bit of bias. If I had to guess the writer is a parent themselves, and to speculate even further, I would even go as far as to say that they wrote this because they were presently dealing with this issue in their personal life. I could be completely wrong and I’m happy to admit I am but the point of what I’m trying to say here is that it’s coming from a very bias place and I think that goes without saying as the other opinions that have been offered in the comments tend to align with how I feel. The comments do not tend to align with how the author feels I think this is important.
Parents are fallible humans and should be treated accordingly. Giving those that chose this path a wide berth is not closeness, its controlling. We should not be living to please our adult parents in any capacity.
Unknown says:
Hi I cant say my name because if somebody else sees me on here. But my situation goes like this. I am 16yo, a sophomore. I’ve liked this one super nice and very funny guy but I told him after the 3rd year of being his friend, I really thought we matched and he liked me, turns out he did not like me and he said “I am a cheated I cheat, grow tf up” This had made me really really sad. I was doing stuff to help me get my mind off of him, but I have him almost every class. I did these things for a while feeling numb everytime I did them, it did not help it would just make me like him more. So recently this guy hit me up on instagram and he goes to my school we met up for this valentines convention and it was really fun I had such a great time with him he is perfectt and right before I went back to class he asked me to be his valentine with a bouquet of eternal roses and a box of chocolates, this made me really really happy I thought to myself this is perfect I couldnt be happier. He wanted me to tell my mom, so I did she was not happy she kept on saying how all guys want now days is sex, nudes and other things she considers none of the the rest of the things this man has done for me, like hello he buys me things he makes me feel loved hes respectful. So I go to tell the guy about what my mom says and he said ” I really dont like the idea of hiding us dating from you mom and Ill wait but waiting forever is not something I had planned to do” and this man means so much to me if he leaves me because of my mom im going to be so SO sad. I gave up my 3year crush because of him I did so much, like tell my mom I never tell her about my relationships because of this, but this time this felt legit. I just need someone to read this someone to reply please anything<3