Maybe you’ve made some bad choices, and the gossipers are now using them against you. Our reputation can be harmed when we make poor choices at work or school, or when we hurt others in our relationships.
Perhaps you struggle with the same relationship problems over and over, or you keep falling back into harmful or addictive behaviors. All that has an impact on your reputation.
Or maybe someone is making up lies about you, simply trying to hurt you.
Gossiping is such a popular way for people to spend their time, and tragically, the damage it can do spreads like a virus, until someone’s reputation is seriously damaged.
You may feel like there’s no chance to counteract the horrible things they are saying. It’s going to take some time, but trust me, the good news is, you can rebuild your reputation and you can recover.
Here are some ideas on how to do it:
It is very important to stop listening to all the bad things being said about you it will only bring you down and leave you feeling discouraged and hopeless.
That was Sarah’s experience: I was driving myself crazy, listening or even trying to imagine what other people were saying about me. I had to stop. Then I could finally move on.
Figure out what kind of person you want to be, and then work on showing that to other people. You’re well aware of how you don’t want people to view you. How do you want them to view you? And why?
Find one other person you can talk to who will remind you of the person you want to be and believes the best about you. If you can’t find anyone, be that person for yourself.
Devon commented: Until I could find a good friend, I had to keep telling myself over and over I am not the person they say I am. I’m a good person and though I’m not perfect, I’m working on getting better.
If the source of the gossip is rooted in truth, let people (especially the people you care about the most) know what is true, but that you want to change. Then, over time, go about proving it to them!
Time will usually heal a lot of difficult situations.
Figure out if you need a new group of friends. Are your friends adding value to, or taking away, from your reputation? If they are affecting your reputation in a negative way, you don’t have to neglect, or start talking badly about them, but you might want to add some new people into your life people who are known to say encouraging and positive things.
Misty said: I found out from another friend that the people I was hanging out with were only hurting my reputation. I still care about them, but I need to be careful about what influence they might be having on me.
Smile, and be nice to people you see. Take a genuine interest in what other people are doing or thinking. People always appreciate someone who seems to care. You’ll find that people will be drawn to you, and less likely to talk badly about you.
Simply being nice to others gives you a chance to feel good about yourself, win new friends, and allow existing acquaintances to, eventually, reconsider their thoughts about you.
Sometimes changing something as simple as your hairstyle or your clothes will make a ton of difference in how people view you. Be creative, and don’t be afraid to conform just a little bit to what seems to be the current looks.
Don’t ever try to turn into something you are not!
It takes time to build a good reputation. And even more time to rebuild a damaged one. In time, the truth about you will be known. A good reputation is hard to destroy. Who you are as a person speaks for itself. Besides, sometimes people go on with their own lives, and forget what was said about you.
David had this experience: I had people saying bad things about me. But after a while, people just kind of forgot about it. You just have to be patient and stay confident.
If you’re feeling like you need to rebuild your reputation, ask your close friends or family what they see to be your positive or negative traits. What do they think would be beneficial for you to adjust, in order to help improve your reputation?
No matter what you do to rebuild your reputation, don’t ever try to turn into something you are not. Just remember to be true to yourself, and honest to your closest friends. As you seek to live the best life you can, you will be able to hold your head held high no matter what other people say about you.
Rebuild a bad reputation also by working on your self-esteem. It’s possible to change what you and others think about you.
B says:
Someone at this moment is damaging my reputation by spreading false and nasty words about me. I feel really unwell and terribly anxious about the whole thing. I live in a very small town where most people know each other. I can feel the stare of people on me. I am devastated. I’m trying to calm down and say to myself ‘I don’t care what people think of me’.
But it doesn’t work. I have to be strong or I could easily kill myself. But how can I do this to my children.
If I were guilty I could at least say to myself I deserved it.
How I can go through this ordeal?
Jasmine says:
Have you tried to explain to your closest friends and family that the rumour was false? Having someone believe you are innocent can help even when the rest of the people who didn’t know you well have been persuaded to think badly of you.
Louis says:
It might be time to move. You’d be surprised. A different city might welcome you with no questions asked. Look into the background of your maligners. Is family part of the enemy group? Break off all contact with them. When you get a good opportunity, let something nasty out about your attackers. It’s there, all right. People with the most to hide, are most vicious about others. Murder by mouth!
Brooke Mayer says:
I’ve been there. I even got fired once on the excuse that I’m “not a good fit” because all my coworkers hated me so much. I just couldn’t understand it. I seem to annoy everyone no matter where I go just by being myself.
I’m sorry bro. I wish I had something useful to tell you, but the only thing I’ve learned after 30 years is just to distract myself with video games and avoid people as much as possible.
Louise says:
Brooke, Yes, that is how it has been for me. People just love to pile on. I keep going and growing. I have asked God to change this situation for me. Recently. Only God can do this. When He does, and He will——-it will happen suddenly! And I will have to trust that it is God!
Garrison Lizotte says:
I’m not alone!!!! Dude I’m 100% in the same shoes, it feels good im not the only one in the same crappy situation.
X says:
i’m experiencing this right now. i said somethings with people i believed to be my friends and now they are the ones spreading things about me. for over a week now i feel like i’m going crazy. i can’t sleep and when i’m at work i feel like everyone is staring at me and talking about me. i don’t want to kill my self but i think im going crazy.
Jasmine says:
I know it’s been long and you might have passed the situation..but I too had a similiar situation in which along with all the allegations stealing was also a part…there was even a time I thought of suicideeding…but trust me dear…all this is temp…keep your head high and don’t ever let them break u…the stronger u grow is the only answer to all of them…and work hard…your work will speak more than u think…(something me still working on)…
Tee says:
I know just how you feel…you’d think at my age I would know better…but, drugs plays a huge part in the chaos I’m going thru
Derick says:
this happened to me. this girl liked me (and i liked her). We were becoming friends, and i was being moral, non disrespectful, and it was just going great. Until, I messed up. (BUT NOWHERE NEAR TO BE A STALKER) and other ppl started to make rumors. It’s been a year and she still has a bad view on me. I do not know how to fix the minor mistake i made. I waited patiently, restless many nights, and there is just a huge hole in my soul… something empty… I just want to love her. I want to be with her and be her friend. I’m in 8th grade about to be in high school, and maybe, just maybe, I will be able to make it. I have hope. we aren’t broken yet. it is possible to fix the scars in my heart
TheHopeLine says:
Thank you for reaching out for help. You are being treated unfairly and you’re not alone in this struggle. It’s important to talk to someone about what is going on. Call or chat with a HopeCoach 24/7 at http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp.
The Angel of Encouragement says:
Don’t worry…it will pass! Hang in there. Let them see that you can’t be broken by the mean things they say. If you want to emerge from the situation strong, focus on assignments/tasks and deliver an amazing job. Nobody will be able to deny how hard you worked.
Emily says:
I read this because I was looking for strategies to start over after a 15 year relationship with a controlling abuser type. Everything I’ve known with him was all loose ends- we even ended up living in a town 70 miles from my hometown (isolation to continue abuse) where I don’t know anyone and after 5 years the only thing that has worked out is my concurrent enrollment to finish my BA at the university near by- which will be done this coming year! I am an outsider in this small town- many of the jobs I have been offered I had to decline or dropped because my ex would have not decided to work- instead it would be me and the state and continued charity and welfare supporting us! Or he’d wait for ways to spend my student loans- the first year I went back to school, I knew he was a total manipulator! He wanted my loans to buy music gear and get a computer. I finally got clear of him with the help of a woman’s organization and now he’s Mr. Superdad- a guy who couldn’t have given a hoot about our kids before! But while I was with him, I tried many churches, felt lonely, alone and unwelcome in places I tried to make inroads- and then I realized: I really looked sorta desperate and I’m sure quite poor! Not in rags poor, but sorta slovenly poor and I was probably emotionally unhinged around my kids and couldn’t stay focused.
I now realize I need to try something different or change something to maybe fit in a bit better- to have people in this uptight community at least greet me more warmly! Sometimes we choose people to have in our lives that drive OTHER people away: that’s what my ex is like- people think he’s weird or “off” because he is- he’s a big arrogant man-child who has sucked me and my family dry of resources and acted like HE was being persecuted! He’s told me he is active in “father’s rights” readings and stuff like that- I always had thought he had a misogynist streak, but once I had him thrown out of here I knew that I was more than right- he’ll never own up to it! Thanks for the advice- I want to make a difference in my life and the lives of my children.
TheHopeLine says:
We are so proud of you!!! What an incredible story of survival and victory! Thank you for sharing your story and your wisdom. If you need extra encouragement or just someone to chat with anytime 24/7 we are here to cheer you on! https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
SC says:
In recent years I have been suffering from irritable bowel syndrome, and my stomach makes these loud noises, and I have been doing my best to eat healthier and exercise since then. But I have been hearing rumors, and I seem to be getting a “fart girl” reputation in my neighbourhood. I have explained my situation to people, including ex-coworkers that its my stomach, but they do not believe me. I am just trying to get past this, its hard hearing about bad things being said about me, especially since i feel like i didn’t do any harm to anybody. I hope in time it will go away, but I’m glad I read this article. This situation feels really bad, but I am doing my best to move forward, since life is to short to worry about other people who don’t care and who don’t bother to get to know the real you.
Louise says:
See a holistic practitioner.
mh says:
I am under a lot of stress for several years now due to my destroyed reputation。People who were under my management started spreading lies about me which had destroyed my reputation at work. I decided to resign because i cant take the stares and criticisms anymore but it didnt stop since it went viral as well coz they talked about me on facebook, we transferred residence and yet this bad reputation followed me to a point that i am afraid to leave our house. Everytime i will go out, even to fetch my kids from school, people around the neighborhood would say that i went out to steal. This lie even spread in my sons school and i cant really take it anymore. Please help me…….
Djjones says:
You have to stay positive that things will turn around for you. Make changes in your life so your not in that situation again. Be honest with yourself and your living the life that you are displaying to everyone. Don’t give up. Good luck.
zilvervisje says:
You are not the only one. Dont let them know it affects you ,because they will go on with it.
Aiden Elmoussa says:
I am 11 years old and many people at school are mean to me. i am an average size and have a sturdy body. I am 5′ 4. I have no social problems but sometimes people are mean because i am not popular. I need to have them WANTING to be around me, please help
Rachel says:
Same here. But what happened with me once was that it was sports day and my sports teacher wanted us to be rolling around in the mud like slugs. People in my class saw and soon there were rumours all about me saying that I had lost my reputation. From that day forward everyone hated me.
Garrison Lizotte says:
you dont have it that bad, i used to get slammed into lockers and made fun of every single day recess was the worst part of growing up.
Qiao Xi says:
My parents don’t undersand me. They’re usually making the choices for me. Because they think that I am passionate about nothing, which I am, and they want to help me. But I don’t. All they make me do is things that I don’t want to do. Like playing the piano. Or when they won’t allow me to socialise with people, or go to parties. They want me to be that innocent little girl which I don’t want to be. What should I do?
nicky says:
I ruined my reputation by being in a relationship with a girl that has lot of lies and talks a lot mostly bad things about me, and we separated then she in a relationship with my friend’s friend
Mirriam says:
I have slept with a number of men of whom most I thought I would end up dating but nothing, some of these guys I would deal simultaneously. I also had a bad friend who I had to let go of because she was also reflecting bad on me as she was worse with the sleeping around.
I feel bad because I have since changed and in an honest relationship with someone who really loves me and I love him (despite him having 4 kids from 2 different women already and I a son). I am no longer that girl. But he was told by two people already to be ‘very very careful’ with me. I don’t know how I can relieve his fear as I have been nothing but faithful and will continue to be.
You can call me what you want but I know deep down I am no longer so belittling of myself…. What I wanted to know though….is it too late?
Cornillia says:
It’s never too late, I think you should be proud of yourself and how far you’ve come :).
shreya says:
i have dated 4-5 guys, i don’t know where i went wrong, few rumours are made about me on bed which is not true.
people call me a slut for this.
i need to build up a good reputation and actually make people believe what the truth is
please help me and suggest how i should go about it?
avishkar gole says:
Believe in ur self and wait for the write guy to approach you. Engage in positive activities such as excersise or yoga. Feel good about ur self and be confident in what your doing.
REVO says:
first of all, why you went for 4-5 guys?? just be a single man girl……. try to believe in true love and if you love someone then don’t ever look or think about any other guy for dating or anything else…. your reputation will become nice and sweet itself. ALL THE BEST.
Cornillia says:
I had best friends for a long time until I left for college and came back. Idk what happened I kept in touch. But after one bad date in my home town and after refusing to sleep with a guy- they all took the guys side who didn’t even grow up here.
They pretty much said they liked him better and spread Rumers about me being a hoe… it’s very hard to live in this town now. I’m literally moving away and haven’t told anyone where to be honest besides a family member where. I don’t know who to trust or who says nasty things behind my back.
Adrian Lorensen says:
I accidentally liked an inappropriate picture on Instagram, everyone says I a perv my reputation is ruined!!!!
Please I need help, Im 14 yrs old an jr. High is brutal with these kinds of things.
The99% says:
I accidentally made someone cry during a debate in Social Studies. Now, half of my school thinks I’m a jerk. I’ve convinced most people that I’m a good person, but there are still some who think I am an ass.
REVO says:
Hii, my HR executive is completely in my opposition. due to some rumours about me and my work, my reputation has become so bad in my office. Due to this , i have been transferred to an undesirable department. I am a post graduate engineer but i am doing the work of an ordinary graduate employee now a days. How can i rebuild my bad reputation and get shifted to a desirable department again? please help me !!
anonymous says:
so basically , there’s rumors going around about me sleeping with someone which is true , but people are adding things on to it . I’m only a freshman ! & to make it even worse , the guy I slept with is going around himself saying it ! I slept with him like a month ago though , & people are bringing it up now ! when I’m trying to get serious with someone . now they all think im a joke & are saying ‘ I gave head to half the town ‘ which isn’t even true . & the guy I’m trying to get serious with is slowing falling back . & I know why . someone help .
TheHopeLine® says:
I am so sorry you are going through this. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. Everyone makes mistakes and we learn from them and move forward. We are here for you if you want to chat – https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ Chatting with a HopeCoach is free and private. Hang in there!
Maedros Bott says:
I did some bad things recently and I overheard my colleagues talk and laugh about me – I feel as though they know something and I’m fearful that it’s the one thing that is terrible. I can’t stop thinking about it – I feel betrayed but mostly shameful. I am generally a very kind and helpful person – so I hope that by following the above advice I can restore my reputation so that the good in me can somehow cover up for the bad. I’ve decided to just keep to myself and do my job – I hate myself right now and I would that the mountains could just fall on me or that I just become extinct both mind and body.
walkinthepark77 says:
Ive felt that before. Maybe you feel pressure to be perfect? You need to give yourself a break. Think of someone you know who is medium popular. They have friends and deserve respect, right? Are they perfect? How do they handle when they’ve f’d up? I bet they don’t whip themselves. It’s hard when you take ‘being good’ so seriously, but you need to forgive yourself and then the next person who alludes to your f up, remember they are not perfect and can only make you feel bad if you let them. What’s more, they are being hypocritical. Most likely if they’re holding on to your mistake they’re using you to make themselves feel superior. They are not. Chin up. You are a worthy deserving person.
Alexander says:
Im 16 and im very shy around girls,my classmates takes this as an opportunity and spread rumors about me around the whole town,they gossip about my family,and now my family’s reputation is ruined because of me
Sousa says:
Right now a pretty bad rumor about something I did is being spread about me in school. It’s very hard for me to go a day without thinking about what could happen in the future when more and more people find out. It’s hard not to question whether people will still like me or suddenly be disappointed in me because another rumor was spread about me a few years ago, so people were finally starting to trust me, but as the other rumor arose I was afraid people would mentally destroy me again. I know that what I did was terrible, but people can change. I for one am out of the faze that caused me to make the mistake (in which I’m not going to mention), and I will never go back to it. For now on I am trying to completely ignore anything that could trigger the faze I used to be in. I really hope this won’t drag on with me being swept down a road filled with awful thoughts and abuse. As a person that has been going through severe depression, stress, anxiety, etc. for months now, I only found out about this situation a month ago, and when it hit me, I was panicked out of my mind…it seriously added another ton of stress onto my shoulder(s). I have so much more to say about this, and what it has literally done to me. I am basically a different person now, and by that…I mean that I have become more suicidal than ever, and actually very violent… Also, I suffer from many other problems that I can’t mention, and then again…when this rumor came about I couldn’t focus on the problems that I was on the peak-edge of fixing completely. If anybody reads this, I more than know how you are feeling if a rumor is being spread about you, and I seriously feel you because it’s probably one of the worst types of bullying… But unfortunately, it hasn’t been recognized much. 😔 I pray for anyone suffering from this, and I wish I could support you because I also know how it feels to have no support. 😢💞
Y says:
I amvery disapointed and confused because someone I dated for 7 months backstabbed me after we had romantic interaction..Now he opened his mouth without a filter and i feel very embarrassed all this happened and he basically burned my reputation and i even lost my job. Ijust know that guy is a coward and that i learned my lesson. but even worse..im starting to get confused because i fell for him and its taking me more time to let go..which is a must but i find it difficult.
Help says:
I met a female younger coworker at a retail store that I worked and now she has blacklisted me all over town.
With her mothers help in the Christian community all over the city where I live.making up lies about and getting people to hate me.
Yolo Swaggins says:
thats unfortunate
rise says:
one morning I woke up, left home, & didn’t come back. met a man, had sex with him & he was supposed to take care of me. he left me with two guys I didn’t even know. one of them wanted to rape me, but the other one stopped him. I ended up having sex because I thought that if I did it willingly then I wouldn’t have to get raped. the guy I had sex with was the one who stopped his friend from raping me. he looked me in my eyes and all he kept telling me was that I was lost. I didn’t knowhow h knew but he called me out on the spot and I just cried and cried in his arms all night. I KNOW he fell in love with me. I gained a soft spot in the heart of a dope dealer, i could tell the way he looked at me. The attraction was immortal, but i couldnt be there because i knew that if i stayed his friend would find a way to rape me. The next morning I left while he was still sleeping without a word. And my journey continued. I don’t wanna be judged. I say these thing to help. im readin some of these comments below and its really NOTHING compared to what ALOT of people are going though. Not saying my life is more important that anyone else, but be happy its not as bad as comments that will NEVER be listed below. like seriously. it can be worse. it will be okay. this my first time sharing my story you guys, and I always was too embarrassed today something, but I did, and it was for yall. Anybody taking the time to rad it. It is okay . #tupaclovesyou
Tee says:
Wow..that sounds almost exactly like something I went through in my teenage years…I’m now almost 40 years old and still making horrible choices…
Jess says:
I have been under a lot of pressure a former colleague who hated me from day one spread rumours that stopped me from gaining work in public sector and education. I don’t know what to do, everything I’ve studied for, worked is in taters. I don’t know if I’ll ever get in to education. I had thought setting myself up as an adult tutor but now it’s going to be very hard to get in to. What do I do.
Idiot Girl says:
It’s the first month of school and I’ve already kissed four guys. I started dating a guy after the first week and when that ended three weeks later I was really sad. Not only because I thought we really liked each other but because he already started flirting with other girls by the time school ended the day we broke up. So I asked my friend to ask him if she could see if he wanted to get back together with me. She didn’t want to but she did anyway because she is my best friend and she is just that kinda person who is selfless. Anyway, he told her he didn’t want to and I was upset. Not just because he didn’t want to get back together but because I let him take things to far with me physically and I regretted it completely. That weekend I hung out with the same friend and she wanted to go meet up with one of my guy friends from school and his other friend who was also a guy. This other guy was kind of an asshole to me and after a while my friend dared me to kiss our friend from school. I was emotional and being an idiot and for some reason i did it. i only kissed him for about a second but it was still a kiss. Then she dared me to kiss the other guy and I kissed him too. After, I felt like a total slut and I felt terrible. The next day my friend from school told me that this sophmore had a crush on me. I actually really liked him before but I couldn’t act on it because I had a boyfriend. He hinted at me that he was going to ask me out but I told him I wasn’t ready to date yet. Later that same week, I told him I was ready to date again because I was totally over my previous boyfriend. I told him I wanted to take things really slow though. The next day we were hanging out with some friends and he told me he wanted to talk to me out in the hall. I said sure and when we went in the hall he asked me if I was sure i was ready. I said yes and he kissed me. It was obvious we kissed when we went back in. My best friend then told me that she thought i was moving too fast and being the idiot I am, I ignored her because I liked the feeling of being liked again by a guy. Plus, I really did like him. Today, he wanted to go make out again during lunch and I said fine. His friend took us down to this band room and put down the blinds. it was really awkward though and i could hear everything that was going on outside so i told him that we should go. However, when we came out and started talking to the other friend who was waiting outside (awkward, i know), even people who wasn’t there when we came out of the room looked at us funny. I got this pit in my stomach and I went to go find some of my girl friends. I found my best friend and I hung out with her for a while. later that day I was texting her and could tell something was off.i decided to ask her what was going on. She told me that not only did someone tell her that I said something about her that wasnt true, but she also told me that she was dissapointed with the choices I made. I felt terrible because I knew she was right. I don’t know what had gotten into me before. And now I have a guy that I really like and I have to brake up with him because of my past. Everyone considers me a slut now. I don’t know what to do. I jumped at the chance to be loved like the characters in the movies and books that I have read and I ended up hurting myself and my friends in the process. I feel like such an idiot.
shitija says:
Now i am experiancing worst conditions,
in my school my teachers never pay attention to me,
my frnds r the worst,
in front of whole class they r giving bad examples of mine n insulting me in front of all,
they r not my frnds they r my enemy,
i just need someone to guide me
Yolo Swaggins says:
I’ve been there, try to command respect from people, if that doesn’t work try not to take them seriously
Sadness says:
I’m far more difficult to change.. This all because of untrusted. I was damaged by a person who think they know me very well.. but infact they wasn’t! First of all, and also my nightmare began, they secretly installed a spyware on my phone and stole all my personal data include photo, msg, call list, contact, email they can even use my phone GPS to track my actual location. Finally they share all my personal content like photo etc. To varieties of community…seriously damaged my personal life, image and broke my heart deeply.. eventually i became a weird guys from others points of view, the most importantly I lost lot of friendships, career opportunities, and respectful that every mankind should have.. I became freedom less, being watched all the time, loosing self confidence, and finally no privacy at all.. since my current situation i can’t even do any things to against the hackers.. it was incredibly harmful my life..
Round and Round We Go says:
You can do a lot against this person. It sounds like you know who it is. The first step is to take your phone in to have it serviced. They can remove the app that was downloaded and/or replace your phone. I would have your laptop serviced as well. The second step is to take the evidence you have and file a police report for stalking and harassment. This is beyond an advice column or site. You have been personally and legally violated. You have rights.
Aash says:
My new Boss(from last 6 months) had a very positive mindset about me .
But from last few days, he’s very upset because of my casual approach towards work .
Now due to the same my promotion is cancelled , rather he has given me ultimatum of 3 months to prove my mettle .
I need to prove myself to him in next 3 months time, otherwise I have to face rejection .
How to go ahead ?
Please guide ..
Nau says:
I went through some really bad experiences in uni with people who i thought were my friends. i told them some that i should not have told and people found out and talked and laughed at me even took pictures of me to post and talk about with other people. it was so embarrassing and i felt like i rather die then live another day but my close friends and family got through to me and helped me be stronger. now i have a bad reputation to rebuild and work on rebuilding my self esteem.
walkinthepark77 says:
I’ve just been accused, by someone I risked my job to help, of using my position to keep people out of work, getting people sacked, stealing my former manager’s job and gossiping about everyone. The exact opposite is true! We work in a tough environment but I’ve been everyone’s defender, though sometimes I haven’t been able to help. Now that I’ve been promoted temporarily to another department and no-one’s been told (they just think I’ve gone) the knives are all out. This person texted me to say she prayed for my downfall and is glad I have finally gone! I can never defend myself to people because I’d be breaching HR confidentiality if I spoke about any of the situations where I’ve been grossly misrepresented. It sucks. It can make a person feel worthless when they put their neck on the line for people who then try to ruin their lives. How on earth do I repair my reputation with so many ‘vested interests’ adding fuel to the fire and me unable to comment??!!
Round and Round We Go says:
Take the text messages, emails, and your side of the story to HR. In no way should you be on the receiving end of harassing text messages. HR can pull this person in and point out to them that behavior like theirs is not what gets a promotion like yours.
walkinthepark77 says:
Can you look into suing for libel or slander? Calling this person out and making them answer for their actions may be your best option to shut them down and reclaim your reputation.
spiffy chick says:
About a year ago, I did something with a boy and he promised he wouldn’t tell anyone. Yes, it was VERY stupid and I regret it soooo much. I really really liked him and thats why I did it but thats no excuse. Ever since, he’s been telling everyone and some people believe him, some people dont but more people believe him. I always deny it but its getting worse. Recently, i began going to a new school and he also goes there. More than ten people at the school already know and now the people in my class do too. I keep denying it but less people are believing. I am so depressed and I hate myself for what I’ve done. He doesn’t even care because when we would look at each other he would laugh. He always tries to blackmail and say that he’s going to tell everyone but he already did! I don’t know what to do. lm loosing it. please help.
PS: we’re in 9th grade
Round and Round We Go says:
I am so sorry that you are going through this. As someone who went through this a couple times, I have some advice. As impossible as it seems now, try not to let this get you down or define you. Do NOT add to the story by giving these haters another piece of bait. Do NOT defend yourself. You did nothing wrong. You did what literally millions of other girls have done. And what a jerk he is for making you feel bad! He had no issue doing that with you at the time. His inability to be mature about this says EVERYTHING about *him* and NOTHING about *you*. Why should you feel guilty and he gets to live his life? Take ownership, girl, and live your life. This doesn’t mean you have to admit or deny anything; just stop acknowledging the situation that way. Acknowledge that you’ve already heard the rumor, “Oh, I’ve heard that about me, too”, then change the subject. If they continue to press you for information, turn it back on the gossiper, “You know, gossip usually says much more about the people spreading it than those the rumors are about”. Give it no energy. Give him no energy. We all want to be liked and accepted but you do not have to accept this treatment from anyone. You have NOTHING to be guilty about; he did it, too. He’s not beating himself up about it. 10 years from now you’ll look back and think, “Really? I let that loser dictate my high school years?” and if you let him do that, you’ll regret that you didn’t fully enjoy these years. Screw him, screw the haters. Make like Rihanna and “Live your life”. You’ll find that this will be over soon. Learn from it and move on. The only person you can control is you. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. Keep your head up. You’re not the only one who has gone through this. You will not be the last. I’m willing to bet almost every adult female you know has been through something similar in their lives. The double standard and our society’s rape culture and “boys will be boys” mentality didn’t just start. I went through this and I graduated 17 years ago. God bless.
TheHopeLine® says:
I am so so sorry you are going through this. We all make mistakes and no one deserves to have it gossiped about and used to shame you. We are here for you to talk about it and maybe come up with some solutions. We care about you. Click the “chat now” button to start chatting with a HopeCoach anytime 24/7. Hang in there!
TheHopeLine® says:
Thank you for taking the time to respond and share your own story. Your insight and encouragement is really helpful and full of hope for the future. If you ever want to submit your story for our stories page here is the link – https://www.thehopeline.com/storiespage/
Round and Round We Go says:
Well, to be honest, there is more to this than you have put here. No promotion is rescinded without just cause. What happened in the past few days to take your boss’ opinion of you from very high to them thinking you approach the job with a casual, “meh” attitude? What made this person think you could handle a promotion to suddenly being wary of giving it to you? How did you end up on probation?
Anonymous High School Student says:
Throughout my first three years of high school, I was a quiet, very respectful student who would normally get the highest grades in my classes. However, currently I am almost at the end of my first semester in my senior year, which needs a lot of improvement. I been getting depressed since the middle of the previous summer vacation to the point where everything is a challenge to do. I basically went from straight As to straight Fs and need to figure out a way of changing back before I end up ruining my chances of college, or even graduation.. I’m going to be in winter break after next week, and feel like this could be my final chance to fix everything. Any advice would be most appreciated
xx says:
hi, i’m currently in a very similar situation. good to know that am not the only one.
dogma says:
you learn’t the hard way but, it’s not a good idea to confide things about yourself to whoever you meet who seems to be interested and friendly.
kj says:
these are soul-sucking glee-feeding dementors just looking for their victims. do you have any idea why they chose you as their target? are you the quiet one, or the one who doesn’t get good grades?
hazel says:
I’m currently experiencing the worst that anyone could think of. I was on drugs (weed) and somehow it interfered with my studies. I dropped out last year but going back to school this year. WhIle I was ill from it I went telling people that it might have been a mental problem not knowing how to explain or describe the type of problem I have and ever since then people went around spreading the rumour that mentally I’m not okay. I’ve been attending sessions with my psychologist just to build my confidence as well as to rebuild my reputation because people be looking at me funny now that I’m headed back to school. I’ve been depressed for months but the last time I was admitted to th hospital due to treating this drug problem. I somehow recieved healing from God. I can feel it, however they don’t see it that way. People have lost respect for me, some I would greet and they wouldn’t greet back. Some would test me just to see if I’m okay and not pains me. Mentally and pysically I’m preparing myself for school. My psychologist said something about I suffer from what we call thought disorder (people constantly being on my mind). At first I would stumble in the streets but ever since I recieved healing they stumble when they see me. Not knowing whether to greet or not. What do I do?
Lus Simonian says:
A boy from my uni, who barely knows me, talks bad things after me overtime he sees me. I never show that I hear the things he says, but the words do hurt me. He is a friend of my ex boyfriend, and now I am engaged. Actually I do not want to tell it my boyfriend, as I am afraid of my past mistakes, that can harm my relationship. What can I do?
LightYagamiJeager says:
About a week ago I was talking to a friend on skype and I said some really disturbing things that I shouldn’t have said (I didn’t mean any of it, it was all satire), and in that message I was talking about someone and he showed her and now her and all of her friends hate me and my “friends” don’t let me forget about it and I haven’t slept for 4 days now and it really makes me feel like sh*t because I’m having random people I’ve never talked to before come up to me and say things like “how could you say something like that it’s so disgusting” and I’ve pretty much lost all of my friends. Any advice would make my year. (I apologize for the terrible grammar I’m rushing).
Wendy says:
I, too am in a similar situation. I was in an emotional/verbal abusive marriage. I mean I was everything name except a child of God. My self esteem had dropped extremely low. After leaving him. I began to party, drink heavily, abuse drugs and also became very promiscuous. My reputation is ruined. But I know I am a great person. Guys don’t take me serious. I just sometimes feel like I can’t shake this phase I’m in. I feel like such a hoe. And I hate it. Because I was so good to my husband and he controlled me and abused me to the point I feel of no return. Slowly but surely I can shake this weakness and become a strong respectable woman. A virtuous woman that I know that I truly. Am. God bless
farr says:
Thankyou! This msg gave me a huge relief
Mary-Ann says:
Sociopaths who are the ones ruining your reputation are hard to get away from. I have been trying for years.
A says:
im dead inside
L says:
I’m going through this as well.. its difficult when rumours are being spread around about me which is not true and is very hurting. Especially after a breakup with a celebrity he has been bad mouthing about me to others. It was a crazy moment for me. I only knew about it when the rumours reached my friend’s ears and she was alerting me that others know it too and that it is pretty bad, I’ve deactivated social media for awhile now ever since this has happened. I hope to repair my damaged reputation. This has caused problems between me and my friends as well
cmlyons says:
Back in August 2016, I performed a minor but illegal act due to lack of knowledge of a mental illness I was quickly manifesting at that time. I was arrested for it, and since have struggled mightily with my ruined reputation. I live in a small town and gossip spreads quickly, to the point where it is eliminating any chances I have to create a career for myself. I’ve written letters of apology to those I feel I might have wronged during this tumultuous phase in my life. Most recently, a magazine I am/was senior writer for has received ultimatums that either I go, or they stop spending their advertising dollars with the publication. This magazine is a startup, and really can’t afford to alienate potential customers that wholly support the publication through ad revenue.
I’ve considered writing an open letter to the entire town in the local newspaper, apologizing for my actions and behavior. I learned last evening that certain people claim they are “packing heat” in the event they inadvertently run into me. My heart is broken that I continue to run into these types of roadblocks. I have one or two people in my corner and who know me much better than a one-time stumble on my way to good mental health. However, they are the owner and senior editor for the magazine, and last night told me they were “sidelining” me for a few months because of all this.
How do I approach fixing this? It’s been 9 months since everything flew apart, and yet it’s like it happened yesterday. I desperately need help.
TheHopeLine® says:
I am so sorry you are going through this. We all make mistakes and no one should continually be punished, especially when it was caused by a mental illness. I am thankful you were able to get help for it. We have trained HopeCoaches available 24/7 to chat with you about your situation. It is private and free. We would love to listen and help you figure out some solutions and ways to move forward. Simply click the “chat now” button or go to this link https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp. Hang in there!
cmlyons says:
I’m on chat now. Thank you.
TheHopeLine® says:
I hope the chat was encouraging and helpful. You sound like you are a strong person in spite of, or maybe even because of, all you have been through. And it sounds like you are making wise choices and seeking the right kind of help.
Michael says:
Very topical article with good advice!
NotAminion says:
Im suffering from severe depression caused by coworkers who maligned me and ruined my reputation to push me out of the job. They are successful. The problem is gossip spreads like virus eventhough it is not true , people always believe the gossip especially since my supervisors did not defend me and in fact ruined me to save their jobs by putting blame on me. I fought back in my current job but it backfired. When people gang up on you andyou are alone with no one to defend you. It is very hard. How
To get over when everyone believes the lie?
Dania says:
The first thing , you should do is not let people see how much the gossip affects you. Project confidence and calm , even if you don’t feel it , and don’t ever feel the need to bow down or please people in an effort to get people to like you. Instead work hard and excel. Once people see your strength they will put all gossip behind them and respect you for the person you are.
broken says:
I messed up my reputation in middle school by making a sexual joke. People won’t drop it and I’m going insane. They keep calling me a pervert because of one joke.
I regret it so much. I want to die and forget this.
TheHopeLine® says:
We know this is hard. You will get through this! Please give it time. It seems like it will never end….it will end. If you want to talk about this more, you can chat with one of our HopeCoaches at thehopeline.com/gethelp every night from 7 pm to 12 am Central.
If you need someone to talk to right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or chat online with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. You can reach the Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting “START” to 741-741 too.
Here is a list of additional suicide prevention resources https://www.thehopeline.com/suicide-prevention-resources.
JH says:
This past year, inappropriate use of social media on my part has damaged my reputation and labeled me as a slut. I know I am not one, and that’s my choices have negatively affected me. Now I just need to rebuild myself and focus on the positive qualities about myself. My self-esteem has shot down because of all this, and I regret a lot of things. I’ve developed a bitterness towards myself that’s going to be really difficult for me to fix, but I am determined to fix it and prove I am better than I have been.
Mo says:
Based on reading this, I’ve seen that at 21, alot of my rep being ‘unpopular’ has been my fault. I’ve already had a difficult time in life because of how shy I’ve been socially. I’ve also never really had life moreso going out-experiencing things with family.
Alot of my life has been ‘trying to fit in with other people and follow what they do to fit in’ type of thing. Its left me frustrated for a while being pushed away. It’s been lonesome.
Not just that. I’ve practically had life hit me verrry late. I feel because of now, I’m having trouble establishing a fun social circle. I have a couple of friends whom have helped me for which I thank very much, but we dont get to hangout very much now doing wild things, learning.
I’m currently in school, working two part time jobs so life has been better in the present, but being driven now to push myself outta my comfort zone with things has been the most difficult thing right now in a mans life like mine.
I look to really improve my life still and forward, but I still get shy. I’ve missed out alot of probably what men my age are either experiencing, or have accomplished by now.
What can I do to really break free of this way of shyness? What are great places to genuinely make pals with like-minded people who like me, are trying to also have fun and get life together. I’m trying to bri g a valuable personality to be a fun, kind, (tough-love) type of person, so I have that goal in my mindset as an individual.
Sincerely, Mo
thehopeline says:
Mo, It’s good you are making an effort to push yourself to overcome your shyness. That is a great start. That is very hard to do and we are proud of you for realizing you need to do this. We have an eBook that may help you on making and keeping friends. It is full of ideas and solutions that may help you as you try to establish your social circle. It’s free. You can download it here: https://www.thehopeline.com/ebook/friendships/ We sincerely hope this helps and encourage you to not get disappointed as you put yourself out there. Finding a circle of friends that accept you for who you are will ultimately be your best choices in friends.
Josie Lamb says:
I’m a teacher and yesterday I was called in to speak with my boss because a parent made a complaint about me. The parent (whom I don’t know) said she overheard me talking to another teacher in the hallway and that I made a rude remark about the principal. The parent was scheduled to come up to meet w/ the principal about the matter, but at this time I have no idea what he or she heard and neither does the other teacher.
I apologized in person and in writing to the principal and he seemed to be ok with it, but I feel like I’m going to lose my mind.
The principal and I get along very well and until now, I’ve had an excellent reputation at work.
I feel as though one stupid mistake on my part has ruined my reputation. We may still get along, and hopefully there will be no further action taken, but I feel terrible. I keep thinking of the saying “you can’t un ring the bell.”
If I didn’t have kids to raise I think I would just like to go to sleep and never wake up.
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Doris says:
I had ,a family member tell a manager where I Live at that I was Bipolar, and the Tenants used that to bully me in a Hud building ,we have 68 Tenants live here, I’m going on 7 years living here, going for 8 years now, The Manager in the office leak the information ,That I Was Bipolar to one of the tenants who live here. It spreads, like wild fire, my life has been in danger, As they always spreads that where I Go Shopping At. I’m living uncomfortable , Don’t know when it will stop, I’m On SSI, but that Information was to be kept private , The Bipolar that was given to the office by a scorn sister that was not reveil by me. That’s a breach by the managerment , What to do I Really Don’t know, it just won’t stop the gossiping.