Cheating often means the end of the relationship for people who are dating or married. Cheating is a violation of trust, and that betrayal is often sustained by multiple lies told over a long period of time. Since there are a lot of unhealthy patterns behind cheating, deciding to rebuild a relationship with someone who cheated on you is risky. It is important, before jumping back into that relationship or pursuing a new relationship, to understand the impact cheating has had on your view of relationships, your own self-esteem, and your ability to trust people. This will likely take time to explore and understand, and the guidance of a counselor or mentor is helpful if you feel overwhelmed.
If you have cheated on your partner, and they found out, it is important to apologize and ask for forgiveness. But remember: pressuring your partner to take you back is not a kind or loving choice. They will need time to heal, and you will need time to understand the impact of your own choices. Whether you were cheated on, or you cheated on someone, you are not doomed to repeat history. With support, you can grow and move forward with a healthier understanding of yourself and your relationships.
Have you been cheated on? How did you react? Was it an emotional rollercoaster rotating between rage, disbelief, and grief? I imagine at one point or another all of these thoughts crossed your mind:
“How didn’t I know? How could I be so dumb?”
“I hate them.”
“I need to make that no-good cheater pay, and I have several ideas about how to do that.”
“Am I really that worthless that he/she would hurt me like that?”
“I need to find a guy/girl who appreciates me, right now! I deserve better. And I need to make them jealous.”
“I miss him/her so much. How am I going to live without them?”
It is always painful when relationships come apart. But when cheating is involved it is usually far more painful for one person than the other, and cheating makes a painful situation so much worse. It leaves a person feeling completely disrespected. The ability to trust can be lost. It is rejection on a whole different level.
So, what do you do if you’ve been cheated on? How do you get past the pain and get on to the next part of your life?
Let’s start out with a few things you SHOULD NOT do.
1. Don’t waste time trying to get even.
One of the ways girls get back at their cheating ex is to spread rumors that are not true. It might make you feel better for a little while, but in the end, you just make yourself look even more devalued. It may not seem that way to you, but it sure looks that way to everyone else. Don’t lower yourself by retaliating, but say to yourself, “I’m too good for that.”
Some people try to retaliate by doing something to hurt themselves. That doesn’t make much sense, but it still happens. Girls have been known to date guys they do not like at all in order to get back at the guy they love.
2. Don’t rebound in the same direction.
Cory wrote: Take your time moving on. Also, don’t just jump into a relationship the minute you’re single. Moving on takes time and drowning your sadness out by forcing yourself into a relationship might not be the best idea…Stay positive. Even try staying single for a few months to figure out what you want, who you don’t want, and keep an open mind about relationships and people.
No matter how you try to cover it up, people who are cheated on almost always feel they have been disrespected, devalued, or cheapened in other people’s eyes. It is a lot like that sickening feeling you get when someone makes some terribly nasty comment about you. Feeling a big hole inside that is screaming to be filled, the temptation is to quickly fill that void with another boyfriend. However, finding another boyfriend ASAP (as soon as possible) may not be the best way to find a guy AGAP (as good as possible). You might wind up in another cheating relationship.
Dawn wrote: If you want to move on to the next boyfriend and you don’t want the same type of guy…#1 don’t do or look in the same place u met the 1st BF. I believe deeply that before another relationship is established you must 1st be mentally, emotionally and spiritually ready because a new boyfriend no matter how great can’t make u achieve that level of completeness necessary to handle the challenges of a relationship!
3. Don’t bear other people’s guilt.
When people cheat, it is their decision and their responsibility. However, the ones cheated upon are often left wondering what they did wrong. When parents separate, it is the children who often wind up feeling guilty. Certainly, one person can be responsible in part for someone leaving a relationship, but in cheating, the cheater is totally responsible for his or her actions. We really never get away with anything. Ultimately, we will all answer to God for everything we do, say, and think.
4. Don’t let a bad wound fester.
Kaitlyn wrote: Well, never rush into a relationship cuz then so many things go bad and wrong and someone ends up hurt. and as for a healthy way to move on, just try to forget the guy and either relax and enjoy being single or start looking for a new guy.
Being cheated on cuts very deep. Though it may not seem so now, wounds do eventually heal. If, however, they are allowed to get infected, the infection can cause more long-term damage than the initial cut. Bitterness is the infection that causes a short-term wound to become a long-term affliction. By nursing and reviewing over and over the terrible actions of your ex-boyfriend and how terribly you were hurt, the wound festers. Eventually, that event becomes so rooted in your thinking that it shapes the way you view every other dating relationship. So in a way, you take the infection from that cheating ex with you into every future relationship until you forgive and let it go.
5. Don’t Engage in Missionary Dating.
Why do some girls continue to attract and date known cheaters? You would think that they would learn from their previous mistakes. Many times that happens because these girls have the secret desire to tame the wild man. They think they can make him a better guy. If you want danger and excitement, if you don’t care about long-term committed relationships, and being cheated on doesn’t bother you forge ahead. But if you are looking for love with known cheaters, then you’re looking in the wrong places.
6. Don’t Think You Are the Exception.
Dawn wrote: If you want to move on to the next boyfriend and you don’t want the same type of guy…don’t look in the same place u met the 1st BF.
The most likely guy to cheat is the one who has done it before. So you would think girls would avoid previous cheaters like the plague. But that is far from what happens. There is always another girl willing to give them a chance.
Now there are things that can happen which will change a guy at his very core, things so dramatic that his bent to cheating and his weakness for temptation are turned into rock-solid faithfulness. But rarely will that kind of change come simply from a relationship with the next girl, not even you. Taming the cheater makes a girl feel like she is better than the girl or girls who couldn’t. The most common reason that girls get involved with known cheaters is that they think that they will be the exception. Don’t get too carried away with flattering words about how much better you are than his last girlfriend that he cheated on.
That’s a tough question. The short answer is: it depends on the cheater.
Here’s the longer answer:
Most people feel some guilt when they do something they know is wrong. That includes people who cheat on their romantic partners. The real question is, however, do they feel guilt or do they feel remorse?
If someone feels guilty, at the very least they understand that they’ve done something “wrong.” They hurt someone they loved. If someone cheats on you, and they claim that they don’t feel guilty, that would be a) surprising and b) a sign that they have some narcissistic tendencies that make them feel entitled to behave however they please.
Assuming that someone who cheated on you “feels bad” about it, here’s another follow-up question: do they “feel bad” because they got caught or do they “feel bad” because they hurt you and believe they made a mistake? There’s an important distinction there, since many cheating situations come to light because they’re discovered, rather than the cheater coming forward on their own. If you had to catch them, and they claim to feel guilty, does that mean as much to you as it would if they confessed to you of their own free will?
That’s where remorse comes in. Guilt is simply the feeling of knowing when you did a bad thing. Remorse is when you can recognize what you did was wrong, take responsibility for it, and are willing to do whatever you need to in order to reconcile the situation. For instance, if someone is truly remorseful about cheating, that person will apologize freely rather than defend or make excuses for their actions. They may offer to make lifestyle changes and promise to seek therapy. Their actions, not just their words, will prove that they are serious about rectifying what they’ve done.
The presence of remorse doesn’t necessarily mean that you can or should save the relationship, but it’s a necessary starting point.
Here’s the deal, no matter how GREAT you are (and you are GREAT), the issue is with him, not you. So please don’t lose sight of your own self-worth. If you are loving with your whole heart and treating your guy with respect, you should receive the same in return.
I hope you know how special you are. If you are doubting yourself at all, consider this, the God of the universe can’t stop thinking about YOU!
“How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!” – Psalm 139:17-18
You deserve more! You were made for more!
For more verses of hope about God’s plan for relationships, love and sex read these Verses of Hope for Cheating in Relationships.
The end of a relationship is devastating. For help read – Moving on: How to Properly Grieve and Heal After a Breakup.
jen says:
What you said gives me hope
Val says:
My husband left me so many times, after I found out he had a 6 month affair. I took him back but I’m verbally aggressive and have slapped kicked him. He thinks it’s a joke. He lied so much he was with her on my birthday new year my wedding annervesary 26 years. He never called me names he swears at me now . Tells me to F off . Goes out when he wants doesn’t tell me where. This is not a man who loves me I know. I loved him but now I want him to leave. He has killed all my amotions for him.he now drinks a lot. He said its because I keep throwing the affair in his face. We hav few good days then he goes missing, then I get angry accuse him of affair again. I feel ill and drained succidal.
Mari says:
Val i left u a comment. ^^^
rebekah says:
I’ve been going out with a guy and I broke up with him as soon as I found out he cheated on me. he asked me out again and I said yes because I still love him. now I don’t know whether to stay with him or leave him. please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alysha says:
Uhm….normally guys should be given a second chance. But my ex bf cheated on me twice.
He could playing u girl…leave him. Walk away and don’t look back. It will hurt….it will hurt so bad. Don’t show it….I know it’s hard.
I dated this guy for 8 years and I finally found out that I might have been fallin in love with him..eight wasted years hun.
Mel says:
The worst is when they are extremely good at charming people. And that’s how they capture your interest in the first instance. Listen to that one cynical friend who says your man seems stand offish or whatever (unless you KNOW there’s an ulterior motive!)…maybe they’re on to something? A few weeks after meeting my boyf, my dad said he was great but slightly stand-offish…I ignored such negative comments. A year later and I get dumped for someone else & treated like I meant NOTHING to the guy. He forgot about me in a heartbeat and I have never felt such emotional pain in my measly 24 years of existence. I thought I was such an old fashioned romantic but I was actually just letting some lowlife walk all over me. Do not let a lowlife like this fool you into thinking you’re the problem when that voice deep down is saying ‘don’t trust this guy!’ Cry it out if need be, then make a point every day of only giving credit to rational thought and NOT emotion. Do not let emotion dominate your thoughts or actions. And do not do not do not stay in any sort of contact with this person who has no respect for you.
LovingMe says:
Rebekah
It’s okay to forgive but you should just move on. If he cheated once he’ll more likely to cheat again. You deserve better & let him know he cannot do that to you & by doing that he will respect. When you allow a man to keep coming back, you are his comfort zone & he will not respect you because he will not take you serious. Keep MOVING
Mari says:
Im sorry to hear that Val. Its going to be a lot of work to move on, but in the end its worth it. Love YOURSELF enough to rid yourself of his negativity. Think of your future and if you really want to spend it being ill. He’s not worth suicide, don’t even let him push you to that point. I myself have been abused mentally & physically, & cheated on many times by the same man, my childs father, until i decided i couldn’t take it anymore. I left one day. I let him have everything and left with just a bag of my personal belongings. Best thing i ever did for myself. Free yourself Val, love yourself instead of him. He’s not giving you anything in return so forget him.
carol says:
My boyfriend cheated on me and from my understanding he wod cheat on me with her every time we would fight makes me sick to.my stomach and im so.disgusted by him my ex husband.did.tje same but got.my friend pregnant this relationship i have now had sex with his sisters friend and she was pregnant several times she had an abortion because she wanted to be my boyfriend’s but ended up finding out it was her husband
brokenpumkin says:
Sounds seriously messed up and like what I am going through right now. I just dont understand why someone cant be communitive instead of hurting someone. We give our hearts.
sarah says:
my bf went& got engaged bhnd my back and I didn’t know. I just stupidily continue 2 Love him until one day when I heard from his friends that he is engaged and d lady will b coming over to see him very soon. Please what should I do cos I’m terribly hurtn right now.
Faith says:
my boyfriend cheated on another girl with me but I still love him and he claims to still love me I don’t know what to do
Fatema Khondker says:
Was it only once? If its once maybe you can forgive him and warn him. If its more than once. Ditch him. But first, talk to him about the girl, and heck talk to the girl if you have to. Find out whats going on.
LovingMe says:
Really Faith
Are you worried he will cheat on you?
Crystal says:
Sarah, never feel your alone. Someone somewhere has or is going through the same thing. My advice to you, with what I’m dealing with now, is to realize your worth more than I guess (ex boyfriend) deserves! Someone that truly loves you wouldn’t do that. Love is God. Relationships are to bring us peace and happiness!!! Stop beating yourself up. We and I know I was till last Friday blind as a bat by our emotions. You realize and see what his done, so be the better woman, who deserves that Mr Right and cut him out of your life. Save yourself a lot of heartache, I so wish I did. But now, I’ve gotta forgive him, I’ve got to love him in a godly way or the anger and hurt will hurt me! If someone leaves you, they weren’t meant to be Mr Right. I’m not sure your meaning the lady is coming over soon? Once a woman/man has has lost that trust for me now it’s goodbye forever. But only you can make that discuss for your life!
Ann says:
Just remember leopards usually don’t change their spots. Just found out my fiancé has been living with another woman for the past two years. The coward couldn’t tell me himself. He had her do his dirty work. On top of all that he’s 60 years old. Peter Pan will never grow up. Once a cheater always a cheater. His girlfriend didn’t know about me either. She accidentally found my telephone number in his phone she asked him who I was and he responded just some girl I know who every six months calls me. And that’s love. Wait. I believe in karma. He will cheat on her too.
Teri Chamberlain Reasonover says:
do they all cheat? I am 63, and just found out my live in is cheating…getting bj’s from men and maybe more. It will devestate our families if they were to know. My kids love him, and otherwise he is kind, helpful, etc. He’s just a cheater, and maybe a gay cheater. I am too old to start over..
katiedshay says:
My bf cheated on me while we were living together. I had my suspicions, so when he said he was with his guy friend one night, I called that said friend. He said he hadn’t seen him in days and his friend told me the facts about the affair. I called my bf and left him a vm that night saying his stuff would be in the hallway by noon the next day. He had the nerve to bring the girl he cheated on me with to come and help him get his stuff. Worst. Day. Ever. It’s a miracle I contained myself with grace and control. Also, my now ex bf and I work together 5 nights a week and I have to witness her pick him up after our shift every night.
LovingMe says:
That’s alright because when a man cheats on his woman & the scumbag that he cheated with knows that you and him were in a relationship, before long he is going to do it to her. It ALWAYS happens that way. And when it happens, she will be joining this blog telling how she feels.
Just stay lady like, smile (although it’s killing you) & Pray. Someday you will be picked up too. You are in my prayers
kelly says:
The problem of most women is that we follow unavailable men. Men that are happy where they are now. Let’s stop this trend. There are many men out there that are actually looking for something more than sex. Obviously all men have sexual desires but not all of them are just looking for that. If you want to stop suffering for men than go out there and find the available men. Those who we dismiss many times and those who still exist. Value yourself, love yourself and respect yourself. Hang around the right people whatever that means for you.
brokenpumpkin says:
My man proposed to me on christmas always told me he wanted commitment then turns around texting his ex wanting to live with her and also got another woman pregnant. I dont think that honestly know what they want and they get scared knowing that someone is willing to go beyond and give everyting for them.
songbird69 says:
That man is a mess. Run. He will not change until God will take a whipping to him and HE will in his own perfect time. Meanwhile love yourself because God loves you. Go get your happiness. God has it in a nice box with a pretty ribbon, with your name on it.
Britney Bailey says:
I’m going through the exact same thing I’ve been with my both for 5 years 3 good years and 2 bad we have a daughter who is turning 3 and since she’s been born nothing but cheating on me and now a girl is pregnant and keeping the child how did you get through it I see this was a year ago how did you heal I left him it’s been two weeks now I know I’m not going back but how did you heal from this
Jennifer Rogers says:
AMEN
Flora says:
I had a relationship for 12 years .i met him when we were younger and We grew up together. When he had nothing I was there for him .but just few months later money started coming his way he found a lover and started cheating on me.i confronted him when I found out ,he denied it but his phone said it all. He sends money to her and other gifts.i found out that he has been cheating on me just because he made a little money.
Broken hearted. says:
I’ve been in a relationship for a little over 2 years. Recently I found out that he was engaging in mental and emotional “cheating” with a coworker (we both work for the same company) not only of course did it hurt me but it embarssed me. He took a few items of his from our home and is currently staying with his parents. He told me he was seeing a therapist to work out some issues he has before he comes back. That was a month ago, tonight he told me that he has done a lot of other things but refuses to tell me what. I’m sure he’s physically cheated on me as well because I asked him and it didn’t confirm or deny it. I love him, I do but I don’t know how or if I can move past this. This isn’t the first time nor the second time he’s done this but it is the first time he’s seeking help.
Leigh says:
He is out of your life now, cut the cord forever, he will cheat on you in the future as well. I should have seen earlier signs from 23 years ago but chose to ignore now he has had a full blown affair with a friend of mine and I have forgiven yet again, I feel so foolish now, I have always put myself second best and I deserve better. Get out and keep out now while you can and wait for as long as it takes to get the man who treats you like a queen.
Crystal...2.. says:
ive been dating my bf for 7months, wow he was perfect. he would be so atentive to me and emotionally feeding me and it was beautiful after not trusting men. he knew about my ex hurting me, me being molested at a young age etc. we were friends for two years and i never wanted to be in a relationship with him because of me knowing his past. eventually we hooked up and i couldnt fathom how someone could love me so much! until i saw him sexting his ex, his family telling me chicks rock up by his place. he would go frantic when i take his phone and i see woman on his phone all the time.. i think im denial that a man would do the same thing after knowing what i went through. i really love him but i guess in the end im to blame too for knowing his past and still giving him a chance. should have known better.
🙁 just wish the hurt could go away…… then i’ll be fine.
tomi says:
hi crystal.
just wanted to find out how you’re doing?
Sonya Pinnock says:
Omg am so sorry dear
mia says:
Hi after 5 years and 3 kids and helicopter in laws my bf finally admitted after one week of binge drinking with his girl cousin he only just met and broke up with me and told me to find someone new, I stuck around and his parents finally were starting to like me and convinced me to stick around that week oh and the fact his sister was the one that told me the truth, he broke up with me because I believed her and her bf. Over him.But my gut was telling me so ,, anyway he bragged to everyone that was the reason then after that week the truth came out, he cheated twice and attempted numerous times but was too wasted and got kicked out of clubs and strip clubs while he was away working and it all was when I was ppregnant after then pregnant again and I only just had our 3rd child this year.. He mentally turned it around on me for so long saying he never cheated how could I believe them and used his weed smoking as a excuse to deal with what I did. I left for a week and got to bond with his sister and mother as I couldn’t really go to family I moved to where his family was for him and set up a life and house and schools for my children who are 6 to 8 months now, after everything. We have kids together and I got my heartbroken but he wouldn’t leave and itsshocked him of how the trust is gone and how much he has hurt me, he now has for only 4 months going on 5 , got work and started supporting me and the kids not just living off me, he has listen to me day in day out cry and vent and responded back and tho I don’t mean to but the pain hurts and he hasn’t been drinking because that was his massive thing he cannot handle alcohol and binges too much .. He finally is showing him and not being fake like agreeing with what I like or into just to please, he’s opening up and says now that it woke him up me about to leave and he realized what he has, his family and that he was young and dumb before and it was never my fault and alcohol played a big role aswell as everyone being against us his parents practically hit him when they found out I was pregnant so he never had there approval, only now they accept me but alot has happened with us having to put up with or me but I did it for him. I know that there’s no excuse to cheat I was going through alot. And aswel as being ultra sick while pregnant morning sickness all way through, but I always talked to him and gave him his breaks but still together and told him I was never trapping him and he’s not trapped and yeah. my question after now you know what’s happening he is showing me now finally in actions instead of words, but how do I let go of the past to stay with him? What steps do I do? I don’t want revenge I am more cautious now but I do love him and I’ve been told that if I want to stay together I need to let go of the past or it just won’t work and I need to trust again! Thoughts? Thankyou and another factor is he is young and I am 4 years older in our early twentys to mid. Which I don’t blame him at Times cause I should be so lucky to have him look at me but yeah, .
Danni says:
Was with my ex for nearly two years, we broke up 6 weeks ago but had still been seeing each, telling each other we love each other and wanna be together etc, up until yesterday when I found out he’s been with someone else since before we split. I even told her that we’d been together still this whole time and she doesn’t care and is staying with him. More fool her, once a cheat, always a cheat.
harrisonx5 says:
Back in May of this year (2014) i found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. he was speaking to six different other guys; i did not want to know if he did something physical with them because i was already so hurt. Anyway, when i found out i was so hurt and heart broken i didnt know how to deal with it or what to do so i just broke up with him. We were broken up for about 2-4 months, after those months we spoke and we got back together, then the very next day i found out that while we weren’t together we spoke to his ex, even though we weren’t together he was always telling me how he still loved me very much and that i’m the only person he wants to be with, he shouldnt have done that cause that doesnt show that he really does. Now i know he loves me soo much and i love him so much mind you we made 3 years this past October on the 22nd, but my thing is that till this day im always so scared of him doing something like this again, to hurt me again… i cant trust him; i dont trust him… obviously he doesnt know but im not always happy cause of whats happen here… most of the time thats the only thing thats on my mind…. i dont know what to do… if i do want to be with him or not… i adore this man with all of my heart he has been my very first Real Love… Please someone anyone give me advance or tell me what you would do… im open to any comments…
Sonia Mishra says:
Hi,
I can understand that you are confused. I was going through one article and found this. I hope it will help u..”Is this
the man whose children you want to have? What if he comes home late from work
one day? What if you suddenly discover a new female friend of his? Are you
going to believe what he tells you after all this? Trust, honey, is like glass.
Once it’s broken it can never return to it’s original state. There will always
be that seed of doubt, that creeping fear that something is not right. Can you
live with that feeling? I understand your fear to abandon 2 and a half years of
your life but if you don’t you may waste even more time on someone who doesn’t
deserve it.
Take care.
manda says:
I am torn and have been for some time. My fiance cheated on me with his ex baby momma. It happened the day I got out of the hospital from almost going into labor the 1st time with our son. I needed him to be by my side but instead he went out of state to pick his kids up from their mothers. They ended up having sex. I have been heart broKen since. It’s been about 8 to 9 months since this has happened. A part of me wants to try and make it work. We have a son together and I do love him. Do you think it could ever work? Has anyone else been in this type of a situation? Any advice is much appreciated
stella says:
No, but i have a son with the person that i’m with .. what i think is you should leave him he is bound to do it again back and fourth i do have a friend that is going through this .. yes i know it’s hard but you must do it now for your own good n since you guys will have a kid soon try to not see him at all when he takes the kid because if you keep seeing him it will only get more difficult.. as for me the guy who i’m with was talking to two other girls i still consider that cheating even though it wasn’t physically well not that i now off but i’m thinking of leaving him i’m afraid he’ll do it again i don’t trust him anymore
naaz says:
i m in a two nd a half yrs relatinship wid my bf. but suddenly his ex gf poops back into his lyf… she calls him several tyms.. and even challenges me of their love.. my bf always tries 2 prove me dat he loves me.. but i cannot believe him.. he never allows me 2 touch his mobile.. dis adds more 2 my suspicions.. although his ex gf stays far away in a different state.. so, i feel dat dey keep contact over d phone… how do i knw d truth… i m terribly puzzled…. what should i do ???
yasmin says:
I found out today through a mutual friemd that the man I have loved and been with for two years and who has been my everything and so near perfection has been leading a double life and has a girlfriend of ten years that he’s been cheating on with me. I’m devastated, I can’t believe I’ve been used like this and I’m so hurt I have no idea what to do. I love this man with all my heart and I have no idea how to confront him about this without breaking down.
LovingMe says:
Yasmin
I can relate to that. …When I confronted him, he denied everything..He said he never slept with her. He talked about her like she didn’t exist. He even denied being at her house. He said she was crazy & she wants him & if he was to do anything with her, it will be because of sex. I was livid because if he denied her, he is probably denying me.
AA1086 says:
I have been with my “man” for 2 years and am currently 5.5 months pregnant. 2 weeks ago I decided to take it upon myself to go through an old phone he left laying around as he’s always very secretive with the phone and was staying out late. In my attempt to contact him from 11:30 pm to 2 am with no answer I found just what I guess I was looking for. He has another woman pregnant a month apart from my due date also with a girl. I know I need to let him go but it’s so hard. I question every move he makes and every breath he takes. I don’t want either of my kids around a fake want to be man like him but how do I let him go without hurting myself and my 6 year old son? should I contact the other woman who is also pregnant or is that creating too much drama? someone help I’m so lost confused hurt torn and sad 🙁
shannon says:
Man?? He’s still a boy ..both of you pregnant now there’s going to be baby mama drama if you can’t trust him….
Dyan Ramos Juni says:
I found out just this thursday that my boyfriend for 2 years and 7 months is cheating on me. I went to their house and he was sleeping and took his phone. The conversation with her officemate was left there intentionally. He texted the girl saying, “I will not delete our messages here so that if she (me), will come here she will find out about us and she will know that you are the one that I truly love. I was so shocked that he cheated on me cause it was never an issue in our relationship. But he did. I called the girl and asked if this is true, she said ask my boyfriend not her. And then she texted me long messages saying it’s my fault that my boyfriend replaced me and things like that. I confronted my boyfriend and ask if this is true he denies it first and then told me it’s true then denies it again. He said he doesnt love me anymore cause I have no worth and she is much better. It really hurts because we were really serious and we were really happy. We had problems but we always try to fix it. And we talked about marriage and long engagements and we eere soulmates. But then he cheated on me. With this officemate who already has a child.
Light branches says:
Great starting points for me thank you
Fatema Khondker says:
She deserves to know just as much as you do. Please do talk to her.
Broken hearted says:
My bf went to visit his family for the weekend and I was looking through his emails and saw he was messaging girls on craigslist last night and into the early hours of the morning, I’m so upset. I have 2 children not with him but they call him dad and are really close. I just want to take all his stuff outside and burn it and text him to get mad but im trying to hold it together till he comes back (if he comes back). I feel so lost
adam says:
I’ve been married for 16 years and 9 months. I have two beautiful and brilliant children. My wife and I had some rough terrain the past three months. I moved to a new job with the agreement that we would move the family to the new city because of the better opportunity. I was oblivious to the fact that she was wavering in her emotions. I believed we were a strong thriving couple. The three months apart became unbearable. I struggled to remain in contact with her, but she became unresponsive to communication making me go days without speaking to each other. This was especially disruptive because I wanted to speak to my children everyday. She confided that she didn’t miss me and was having doubts about our marriage. I was confused about this coming up thinking we were stable and I had made the investment to change my world for her and our family. I spent months agonizing over what was happening as nothing made sense. I had been a good provider, a great father and loving husband. I realized that maybe I hadn’t told her how beautiful i thought she was enough. Stress from work and life can cause us to forget the daily affirmations. But, I always did everything for her and allowed her room to do her thing. After much debating why this was happening, she finally opened up. Today she disclosed that she had an affair the beginning of this year. I was devastated, but tried to be understanding and responsive. Trying to understand where the breakdown in our relationship had gotten us to this point. She was feeling insecure and unattractive and got reassurances from that attention. She chose to engage in the affair rather than explain her feelings with me. As we discussed longer, I asked the simple (I thought at the time) question if it had happened any other time. She remained silent. A clear indication that there was more. She explained that there was another man. An acquaintance many years before that she had a one-time lunchtime rendevous. That was brutal. She had plenty of opportunity to share her sadness with me, but simply played the part for many years. Then the next logical question. Were there others? 2 other one-time encounters. One with a hideously ugly man. And one with my son’s TaeKwonDo instructor. I am flabbergasted and outside of myself. I feel empty and confused. I love her so much that I want her to get better. I see that she is experiencing a deep depression and had resorted to illicit activities to help her self esteem. I am writing this to express that I sympathize with the ladies that have posted. Also, men are vulnerable to these tragic events as well. How do I let go of the woman that I have loved and lived my life for all these years? Will anything change her chronic behavior where there may still be some way to mend what I have held onto so dearly? I know the right course of action… but it is a difficult one to take. Writing in this blog is cathartic. I recommend it to anyone reading this that was cheated on.
Jessica Fafa says:
I know you posted this comment 10 months ago, and i really want to know what happened to your marriage? I dont mean to be nosey, i just run into the same problem like you, and i am very hurt right now.
brokenpumkin says:
girl just end it i promise you it will never stop. mine was doing the same thing I live in SC and she lives in OH. On top of that he was getting his pleasure on the side from other girls, so both of you are gettting donw dirty. move on do something for yourself!
Resentment says:
I’ve been dating a guy from 2012 but then I traveled so it’s been long distance. July 2014 – this year, I found out that all that time 2013-2014 he’s been cheating on me with a girl that lives close by to him. She had a boyfriend all along as well but she use to have sex with him all the time. When I found out he flat out denied it until I showed him I had proof. Then he broke down saying it was just *sex* & she meant nothing but people say differently like he even use to spend time with her kids and I never knew until recently. Im broken cause I took care of him. All that time i wud help with his bills and everything… he won’t let me go. If i decide to leave everytime he will b harassing me and would leave voicemail crying and then i start feeling bad. HELP! I don’t know how to walk away without feeling sorry for himm.m
Toya Shanice says:
You have to just walk away.. not only for you but for ur children. They deserve to see their mom happy not worried it stressing. Children feel our vibes and tension even when we don’t think they do. U deserve someone better! If he wants her, let her hands him. You will vs better off in the long run but it will be hard at first. My boyfriend of a yr n a half cheated on me recently once. We are working things out because it was the first bad thing he has ever done to me. It hurts but the good things outweigh that ONE bad thing. I believe in my heart that he won’t do it again. Your guy though, was living a double life n lied about it…but does his good outweigh his bad??
Mama says:
Move!!dnt get sucked in by the please of that idoit!!mine even cired but still ended up cheating again with the same woman..i regret ever having given him a second chance….run!!my dear,run!!
jen says:
This doesnt really relate but i need some advice. My ex and i have been broken up now for about 2 months but a week or two after we broke up he was already dating a new girl. What i dont understand is why he would date her. She has cheated on every guy shes been with and told my exs bff that she wanted to have his babies. We knew this girl while we were together (which was for 2 1/2 yrs) and be used to say how she was crazy and disgusting. Wht would he go and date her!?
shannom says:
I was seeing my ex.. High school sweetheart for about 7 months.. He cheated on me in high school ..he’s divorced because he cheated on his wife.. I didn’t trust him so I ended it.. 2 days later he posted his fiance on fb…he told me he was single..
heart broken n still hoping says:
Me and my ex husband have been going back n forth between me n another woman. It’s been going on maybe 4 years now. I admit I cheated while we were married. Trying to get back at him which wasn’t the best idea but it happened. Had a child got divorced not long after. Since then it’s been a long back n forth game I feel. I’ve done a lie decetor test 2 in fact in which I’ve passed. Paternity test. His child there was no doubt. I have been trying to fix my mistakes so we can be a family. He says one day he really loves me to the next he can’t do this n goes back to his live in girlfriend. She has moved out a few times. Idk how to let go of this n him. He cheated on me n obviously her with me. I just want to be over it n not go back n forth any morr
Tired of pain says:
Me too so if you figure it out how to get over it. How to stop the back and forth PLEASE HELP ME OUT TOO
LovingMe says:
RUN. It hurts like hell, but you are going to have to get to that place where you have had enuff…. you can do bad by yourself.
My greatest accomplishment is when I got TIRED. You can talk until you turn blue in the face, it starts & stops with you.
We are beautiful & we don’t need these weak men in our lives to bring us down.
Sweets says:
My fiancée cheated with a coworker and simply just cut contact with me and kids and went to stay at his mothers . He lied repeatedly to my face even borrowed money from the girl and never paid her back and made up a story blaming me for why he never paid . More lies . He begged me back and I agreed . I am now struggling with the truth and all the emotions I am feeling . He says she meant nothing but I wonder how he could possibly love me after all the lies and the heartless way he delt with things
limited warranty says:
I have a domestic partner who lied about cheating with an escort. $240- an hr. I am getting things in order to leave. Finding a new place, we have property together, resources. All of my money for I to his house and bills. I want to leave with class, not lower myself to his level. I am afraid because I am feeling so fragile. I love/d him, I’m afraid I wont be strong enough. HELP!
TheTruth says:
you’ll be strong enough, before leaving my boyfriend along, I took a few days to myself to think about the pro’s and con’s in the relationship and things that had been said over the past few months, from his lips. There was so much disrespect towards me from his part that I realize something is going on here. After spending those day alone not contacting him or seeing him I felt so much better when I decided to break it off, and I did, its only been since today but I feel great, I think because I knew he was cheating and I had prearranged thoughts not to deal with it. Therefore the break up was easy. We often try to ignore what is right before our very eyes but there are always signs telling us before hand that we refuse to except but lady’s and gentlemen, we know. Our instincts tell us, that gut feeling.
soph says:
I recently found out on new years day my boyfriend of 2 years had been cheating on me for the 2nd year of our relationship with so many people, and having affairs with two of the girls. and one thinks she might be pregnant. im stuck living with him till the end of feb. I just cant cope cause I just know he is still talking to girls and I feel like it in my face everyday. im so heatbroken and devastated and never thought he would ever do this to me. I feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown.
Tired of pain says:
I hear you. I’ve been with my current bf for 23 years on and off. We have 2 grown children together he has 2 others with 2 other women and I have 2 others who my experience husband. I was with my exams husband for 14 years I felt our love was lost he didn’t give me attention and I decided to leave my husband for my older children’s father. Currently we been together for 6 years worse 6 years of my life he cheated with one of my friends not only did he cheat he humiliated me because she kept coming over to hang out with me our children played together it was the lowest thing he could do I broke up my family divorced my husband for him and he did this a few months into our relationship. I forgave him BUT I NEVER FORGOT to this day EVERY SINGLE SUMMER ITS A NEW GIRL YOUNG & DUMB!! IM JUST DUMB NOT YOUNG BECAUSE I FORGIVE HIM EVRTY TIME KNOWING I CAN’T FORGET. I pray he endures all the pain he has inflicted on my heart and soul. He’s emotionally abusive. His never worked or helped out our entire relationship. All my friends look at me like I’m a fool. And honestly I know I am. We haven’t lived together since April of last year and I can imagine the list of girls there are now but I still love him and can’t get over him. I’m so tired of hurting. He comes and goes in and out of my life when he wants. He always turns every single situation back on me like I’m the bad one and through all this I’m so disgusted with men I can’t even look at them. I wish there was a support group or something
i think I love him so hard and won’t give up because of the choice I made with my exams husband. I’m so afraid to move on… IM JUST STUCK ON STUPID!
aunnika says:
my bf his frined said he was cheatig on me i belive cause his friend is honest and my bf always hangs around girls hes not my bf anymore but he cheated on me and im really ssad
aunnika says:
its ok he doesnt deserve you if he wants to date a billion girls and end up lonely while your happy its his fault you need better dump him
Leti says:
You can stay with her if you choose. The relationship would have to be a casual open one though. She does not deserve your faithfulness. I would live with her, but do my own thing. I would not take her word on anything anymore. I would do whatever I want whenever I want. She does not deserve to be your confident. If you want to sleep with someone else, do it. Do whatever you want regardless of what she wants. If u want to stay with her and stray, like she has, you can do that too. If u want to be faithful, then your a kinder man then she. I would avoid being kind in this situation because she does not deserve ur kindness.
Jasmine Harris says:
I was able to get back with my ex and so can you! One day while searching on Google about getting ex back, I discovered a great guide on how to to get your ex back. Now I got him back, and we are getting married in 4 months. If you want your ex back, you can make it happen!
Johanna says:
That’s horrible advice. It’s not about what she deserves, it’s about what is healthy for him, and this sort of behavior will surely be destructive for him and for the children.
ara says:
I had been dating my BF for 4 months. The last month I had this pit in my stomach that something wasn’t right, things weren’t adding up. He was also starting to get verbally/emotionally abusive towards me. The last week or so things seemed to be taking a turn for the better but the pit never went away. On Thursday he called and asked me to dinner on Friday for Valentines day and then was very quick to get off the phone saying he needed to call his parents and take care of a few things before bed. Something just didn’t sit well with me in that conversation. Friday I didn’t hear from him all day until 7pm, which was odd. We went to dinner…had a great time. Went back to his place to watch TV. He fell asleep and his phone was sitting right there and something just told me to look at his phone. I did and what I found were the most VILE VILE texts b/t him and his ex (who I would have considered a friend). Hundreds of messages including the ones that they sent right after he got off the phone with me on Thursday saying that he was on the way over and what they planned to do to each other and then all day Friday of what they did.
I calmly confronted him in the moment I found out and we talked for a fe mins before I walked out. He didn’t deny anything and actually seemed remorseful. I just hope it wasn’t an act. We exchanged things last night and sat down and talked. Though I didn’t owe it to him I spoke some truth into his life. Hopefully he heard even a fraction of what I said to him. I don’t hate him. I am just very sad for him (and her) and I committed to pray for him. He did ask if there was any hope for a future with us and I told him absolutely not. (There would have to be many many steps taken for me to even consider this, like counseling, mentoring, accountability, full transparency, and changing behaviors in how he interacts with women).
I have told my close friends and family what happened and asked them to keep me accountable to NOT get back with him! And that if the thought even entered my mind they had a right to use whatever means necessary to make sure it didn’t happen.
Though I am deeply wounded an I hate that I miss him so much. However for the first time in 1 1/2 month I feel at peace. I am so thankful I found out at 4 months than further into a relationship with him (engagement/marriage).
Tired of pain says:
I’m glad you’re a strong woman I hope one day to feel peace again and stop missing him and loving this man he was my first everything and when we decided to get back together NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD I THINK HE’D HURT ME THE WAY HE HAS
Jaylynn says:
I recently got out of a 9 month relationship but my ex didn’t physically cheat on me just talked to a girl for 3 weeks than stopped talking to her for me later on I found out because we broke up for a different reason than he told me. I need advice I really do love him and want to work things out in the future. HELP !
Jynx89 says:
I had been with my partner for 9years, he was my first everything. We had a hard year as he lost his mum suddenly but I thought we were still going strong.
The grieving turned him to drink and drugs but I stuck by the man I loved and fought to get him help.
He wanted a family with me, it was less than a month a go that he asked to start a family but I said not until he was past his habits as I wouldn’t bring a child into the world where the father was a alcoholic/drug user.
Then 2 weeks ago out the blue he wants a break as he doesn’t know what he wants any more. We agreed no dating others and to give each other space.
I found out tonight that he’s been messaging his new friend (a girl – who he insisted was just a mate) every single day of the break, that they’ve met up for drinks, that he met her parents and had dinner with them. He says he was just chatting and they’re friends, that he can talk to her about anything. Messages I’ve seen indicated that they both fancy one another and it was more than that.
He says I knew he wanted to have a single life during the break. But he wanted us not to date others also.
Feeling more than hurt and angry.
I don’t know what my next step is…I know to calm down and not do anything out of anger but how do I let the anger go?
ayanda says:
my boyfriend promised he wont cheat especially now that im pregnant yet he was doing the opposite and sounded so true and I believed him now I don’t know where to pick up the pieces called my life
Tired of pain says:
The only thing I can say is it’s hard one day at a time. It’s probably more difficult because your pregnant and hormones are uncontrollable. Slow and steady wins the race. Try to stay strong for your child.
Kelly says:
i am feeling so sad inside … Everything was so beautiful 2dYs ago … Promising me the world and saying he would not treat me bad anymore…. I was in heaven .. Till yesterday when he purposely picked a fight and went right back to the woman he said he would have nothing to do with ….when I called him he told me it was over and he was sick of all the bad things I have done to him… So the other woman thinks I have issues…
Tired of pain says:
She’ll soon discover he’s the one with the issues. Just don’t be a fool like me and forgive him and let him come back.
LovingMe says:
True dat! When you release that bad spirit & let it come back, it brings 7 more bad spirits with it. He can only do what you allow. It feels so good when they beg us that’s the only time that we feel important in his life (what we long for) but when the chips come down, he is back to being no good.
See when we stop talking with them, they run back to her & the new chic he just met. The new chic has the advantage right now because she isn’t giving what he wants BUT when he does, she is soon caught in the Web also. He wants a relationship but not with the ones that he goes back & forth with because in his mind those women are weak. They like a challenge & we have not challenged them, we give in because we love them so much. Food for the Soul; if that man wants you he will make the effort & stop the nonsense. Stop allowing him to tell you what you want to hear. Give him the Back & you capitalize on FORTH & move on because it will not get better no matter what he says or do – it’s only temporary.
Find yourself, your worth & a new Love.
Britney Bailey says:
This advice did everything for spirit it’s so true and right on point
I realize now if this person isn’t in Gods plan everytime you invite him back into
Your life God will allow him to keep hurting you that’s his way showing you he has no more purpose in your life and God wants you to remove him
When I read your post it made me smile
And it’s crazy because all my friends and mom have been giving me the same advice but some times it takes to hear advice from complete strangers to wait you up
LovingME says:
Kelly
Sorry to hear what you are going through.
How long have you been with bf? You should never not know your worth. Narcissists like him don’t know how to love. He will always go back & forth as long as you women allow him. One of you will have to stop letting him have his cake & eat it too.
I’ve been there & and I am proud to say I’m out of his game after 10 years of turmoil. Because believe me when I say that you and the other woman are not the only ones. You just know of the woman but not the others.
kimxtheo says:
My boyfriend and i was standing and another girl walks up… what does that mean ?
cindy says:
my boyfriend just broke up with me because he says he needs his own space and that he’s not happy. Weve been together for 10 years and we have 3 kids together. I found him talking to two girls that he works with and wen i confronted him about it he said that he had ended it with them n that theyre not important. Hes cheated on me so many times ive lost track n im pretty for sure theres others that i dont know of.When I try talking to him about it all he does is acts dumb and cant own up to nothing and says its in the past to stop talking about it. We live together and the only time he comes is to change clothes and acts like nothing. He doesnt even pay the kids any attention. I feel stuck because i do not work n im financially dependent on him since i stopped working wen we had our daughter a year ago. sometimes i wish he cared but its apparent he doesnt.
kaitlyn says:
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 5 years n I just recently found a pair of (dirty)women’s underwear in an empty box of chocolates in his drawer. There not mine n I’m pretty sure he’s cheating. I don’t have any friends who sleep here, my sister is way to small to fit in them and there’s no other explination to why they would be there. iv found him talking to other girls in the past (on a phone i gave him) but I forgave him n to find out he’s doing something again breaks my heart, he knows how bad it hurt me before. I have never cheated on him and I don’t deserve this. We live together and I’m scared of being alone. I know I need to leave him but its so hard he was my first and only love and I don’t want to lose him. I have always given him everything, I drive him everywhere, I pay for most things and I know I deserve better than this but can’t bring myself to breakup with him I love him so much and I can’t imagine not being with him. I’m only 22 years old and I haven’t really experienced dating because iv been with him since I was 17 so maybe there is someone better for me out there , but idk how to move on.
Sarah says:
I don’t think throwing away your marriage is the right approach. I also don’t think you cheating on her or doing whatever you want is the right approach either. You love her still. If she is willing to recommit herself to the marriage, you should define boundaries that you’re comfortable with going forward. You should also seek marriage counseling and try to find a way (maybe a weekend alone together) to reconnect with each other and establish truly open communication. It’s a lot of hard work to recover from even one instance of infidelity, let alone multiple instances. Perhaps she should consider individual counseling as well. Right now, you can’t make a decision either way- to stay or let go. You need to get to the root of the issues that need to be addressed in your marriage and process your own emotions and feelings before you can make such a life changing decision. There is no “one size fits all” approach to this type of trauma. My heart goes out to you. I wish you clarity, understanding, and a future filled with loving honesty.
Sonya Pinnock says:
I agree
Jasmine Harris says:
I’m sorry you’re hurting so badly.
frozenheart says:
i also experiencing it right now but this is fresh we only have one daughter my ex kneel down at me with tears in his eyes and did everything to win me back but i keep fighting what my feelings for him. i do love him but i chose to left him even if it hurts. He’s begging me asking for forgiveness. asking me to save our relationship for our baby’s sake. know what after reading this it made me realize that i will still keep being numb. he’ll eventually cheat on me over and over again. it is he’s sickness and he’ll not gonna change. i was saved by god.
LovingMe says:
Amen….stay encouraged & think BIG.
frozenheart says:
we’re on the same track right now. i’m hurting everytime i heard him crying but I’m moving g on right now maybe this is the best thing to do!
Danny Ward says:
me & my boyfriend have been dating now for almost two weeks, at first this guy kissed me, i did not stop it. Then my boyfriend found out, and i straight up told him the truth. I just found out yesterday that my boyfriend made out with another girl, lied big time bout everything, then finally told the truth. I am stuck on what to do, i am stressing over this cause i wanna be with him, but i dont wanna put up with it. he is really beating him self up about this, and we have become distant it seems like. i really have no idea what to do. I need help, and answers.
Amber says:
I just found out that from my brother that my bf for two years cheated me With a girl that he works with. I just feel like it’s my fault and that I should of known. I still love him and want to make this work, but I know I’m not going to look at him the same way that I did when we first started datting. What should I do? I’m lost and don’t know what to do right now.
neaj19 says:
hi! im in a realtionship for 6 years now, 2 years engaged and getting married this May 2015.Me and my fiance were in long distance relationship for 8 months now, he cheated on me. He has a girlfriend in dubai and girlfriend tru Facebook chat. He promise me not to do it again, he already stop communicating with them but i found out he’s still in contact with them and telling the girls not to tell me. Were getting married this May 2015, everything is prepared. What should i do? i love him and he told me we will push tru the wedding..
Mixed Breed says:
I been with my ex for almost 2 years we have been broken up from 6 months now.i was really close with his family,nieces and nephews and his older brother. Everything was good until going into the second year during the summer he started to be with friends all the time it got so bad he started trying to pick me up at 3:00-4am. I have went above and beyond for this boy but he just chose to take me for granted it got so bad his friends would show up at the bar or special occasions and on holidays he would leave me for them it would be ok for him to have his guy time sometimes but not Every day and night. Long story short I unfriend him on ig when we broke up because he was wilding out. Soon as I unfriended him my friends tell me it’s some new girl on his page and I guess they so called in love but the crazy thing is his twin brother and the girl my ex is with now are friends. It’s hard for me to get over but I’m trying what should I do
ivy says:
my boyfriend cheated on me 7 times and got a lass pregnant what should I do
icon H says:
ignore him, he will hurt even more of he knows your bothered about it, take your time moving on!! Eventually he will realise he cant do better then you hun!! if you forgive him he will cheat on you again and again!! trust me ive just went through this it feels like a hole in your heart which cant be patched up!! but you will find away to get through it! it gets better promise!
pinky says:
hi im in a relationship of two year my boyfriend cheated on me an impregnate his ex for the second time im so confused
Kiki says:
Hi, I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and I guess every month I find out something new and a little upsetting about my boyfriend. In the beginning, he was deceitful, he was dating me but talking to multiple women behind my back. He thought I was one of those girls who would sleep with him then dump him, even though I was (am) a virgin, and he is not. I have a hard time trusting him, and therefore, I haven’t consummated the relationship. I previously dated someone on and off for a year, and this individual had cheated on me multiple times. All this makes me wonder whether I am just not good enough. I witnessed, firsthand, some of the things he was telling all these girls. For one thing, he told his ex (girlfriend of 5 years) that he loved her and wanted to marry her and all of the above. He once called his “fling” babe. Everyday, for the past 3 years I can’t help but wonder if he is still cheating on me. There have been multiple incidence, like him not introducing me as his girlfriend, or his siblings/family being facebook and instagram friends with his ex. I feel like he’s ashamed of me, but he says it’s not that…so it must be cheating? But when I bring it up he blames me for “dwelling on the past”. I know there are bigger issues in life, but I do have a lot of problems, but I have a hard time with change. I do truly love him, but I absolutely do not trust him. I am completely insecure and sensitive and I have been diagnosed with major depression and anxiety. So this relationship just puts so much stress on me. But we do make each other happy, it’s just random moments when I think about his exes and I feel inadequate. I feel inadequate to the point where I constantly ask people if I am pretty or if guys hit on me I don’t tell them I have a boyfriend off the bat. I have no idea what to do.
ashley says:
I’ve been in a two year relationship. We recently went to jamaica. A trip that was supposed to be so wonderful turned into a disaster. My boyfriend broke up with me. I spent the last two days on the resort by myself. Returning home, I come to find out that he has been cheating on me. He dated this girl 8 years ago. It didn’t work. Out because she starting using drugs and was cheating on him. Now she out of rehab and has been so involved in with my exes family. I questione him multiple times about his distance towards me and mentioned the concerns I had about his ex coming back around. He reassured me 3 times that i’m crazy and over thinking. Not even 5 days back from jamaica and they are together in public and social media. As my as I believe it’s for the best, i’m still so hurt and can’t deal with all the emotions. How can you go from someone who is attending grad to a heroine addict? It disgusts me and causes me to cry all at the same time. I feel week and really don’t know how much more I can handle
Christine says:
I’d rather not share my age, but I had this boyfriend.. He was wonderful, sweet, funny, cute. Perfect. I would come home every day and the first thing I would see was a message saying something like ‘you’re adorable’ or that he would always love me and never forget me.
He would tell me things about him only using girls for their bodies, get pictures and leave them, told me he wanted to change. One day he had told me he deleted most of the picturesi he had, I still don’t know if it’s true, and that he was proud. Months later, all the complimenting had stopped, slowly of course. But then he started acting rude. Naturally, I asked why he was acting this way, he simply apolagized and brushed it off.
After this, he started typing hearts after any call we had, I did the same, and eventually they stopped, too.
Soon, I started being the one who had to remind him to say ‘I love you’ and after that, he continued just acting casual around me.
A month or two after, a friend told me to look at his most recent update (which jokes about him cheating, saying someone else was better) she was worried; said he had been flirting with his sister the whole time we were dating, and even making sexual comments. I confronted him about it, he didn’t even deny it. I wouldn’t be suprised if he never loved me at all, or if he said she was better.
That night, I cried myself to sleep, I blamed myself and only me. I started having suicidal thoughts (me, already being severely depressed and a self harmer) I had lost a quart of blood and decided my thoughts were getting too serious.
The next day, I talked to a teacher and ended up hospitalized. Now, I’m not much better, this is still happening, and im almost done but I can’t leave the small circle of people that care about me.
I just wanted to share what happened to me, I’m case any girl like I was out there, pleae. Save yourself. Run and never turn back.
Meg says:
Thanks. I’ve lost friends because they all sided with the cheater and being part of a group was more important to them. Than having conscience
Ley says:
I was in a relationship with my bf for 7 months (on/off). I loved him more than anything in this universe, I would’ve given my life for him. However he was a very jealous guy, and when he gets angry/stressed he acts irrational, says terrible things, acts rude and has thoughts of harming me.
In the first few months of our relationship, and even before we were together, he did seem to love me, he made me feel like I was the only person he could see, he made me feel special, he contacted me quite a lot, he cared.
We fought a lot however and would break up, of course he would be the one asking me to come back, until recently when he broke up with me again.
He broke up with me because I ignored him for the entire day and I was mad at him for the entire day, because of something’s that happened. After he broke up with me, my bestfriend finally told me that he had been cheating with one of the senior girls at our school for the last 2 months of our relationship. That he’s been leaving rugby and football to go the her house. Everyone knew about it, but they treated it like a joke so I didn’t believe them, I believed him however. He told my bestfriend a lot but not everything, my bestfriend never told me because she feared to ruin the relationship.
I found out about all this yesterday, he broke up with me yesterday, I didn’t eat all day yesterday, I couldn’t sleep without seeing him and her doing it together, I barely drank anything yesterday. I slept around 1.30am because I couldn’t sleep and I ended up waking around 5/6am.
I can’t move on the fact he did that to me, and ive been trying to make him happy the entire time, even if I fail and it turns into a huge argument. He’s not even guilty for what he did or upset about the break up, he’s been laughing at me yesterday, and he just acts calm like nothing happened. It makes me question my entire relationship, was this all a joke? Did he ever even love me? what am I going to do? I feel so much depression, I can’t do anything anymore, I can’t believe anything anymore.
Jess says:
Thankyou for this blog my mums having a tough time and just found out in a not so good way this blog helps me understand more but i dont know how to comfort her any ideas??
Maggie says:
As a woman who ended two of my past relationships because of cheating and my own parents divorce was a result of cheating. I would say leave her. Your situation is complicated by the fact that you have kids so you never end contact with her but you will never forgive yourself and you will live with resentment if you stay with her and she cleary doesnt want be married given her multiple indiscretions. She clearly does not deserve you but you should also not resort to vengeance and getting back at her. it will not do you any good but instead fule your hate The best think is give yourself time to heal and move on and try to be amicable as possible for the kids sake in the process
amanda says:
i feel your pain. my boyfriend was just divorced when i met him. im (22) hes (35) he has a son in his previous marriage and is such a little angel! anyways. he was going yo sleep on his brothers couch and i said no u need a real bed…he temperorarily moved in. and i did everything right. gave him space i cooked dinner everynight i looked good everyday (at least tried) and then he cheated with my neighbor 2months after . she was physco. now im not just saying that because i was a RAGING italian… but she would get thrown into to jail. went to looney bins she would get released than start all over again. she had kids she got taken away bc she was not all there… and i was not only hurt bc of it but totally embarrassed.. bc people probably i effiliated with those type if people and i DO NOT…
well later come to find out she was a prostitute as well. gooo friggin figure right?
anyways i jist threw him out i couldnt do it! i was pist. hurt. embarrassed… just awful.. so we stayed together thought but he continued to talk to her for 2 more months i found out bc of his phone making sounds all the time so i went at it the completely wrong way and got back.
by having a quick little 10 minute ordeal with some cop..
let me tell you.THAT makes u feel so dang scummy.
but save the best for last..
2 years later we are STILL together. MADLY in love and since everything literally everything is out on the table now. we trust eachother..
moved past it . and we had a terrible past but we made it and are stronger than ever individually and as a people….
Deni says:
well i was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years ..everything seemed so perfect in the beginning but soon i realized that he actually doesnt love and just used me for s** ..his words were like forks and knifes ripping my heart every time..and i used to forgive him all the time just because i loved him too much to let go, he used to show me his phone and chats and all the girls he talks to in the beginning of the relation and now he doesn’t do that anymore..he shouts at me angrily if i try to touch his phone..he says bad stuff to his friends about me and when i ask him he acts innocent in front of me..i tried alot to change him to be with him but he’s a player..i used to cry every night till i fell sick..he treated me like garbage..i did everything for him ..everything possible..i gave my 200% to that relationship but later i realized that i m done and i really need to move on..he has been with 100’s of girls..had done everything with them even when i was his gf..so i think the worst part of the relationship is being cheated like this..i learned ALOT from this. It has made me stronger than before. I have moved on from that jerk and m happy single 🙂
songbird69 says:
I spent 9 yrs with a man I loved and betrayed me. I was stupid. He was mean to me. Always other women. I did everything. After 9 yrs I quit it. That’s it. I told myself.
Stephanie says:
I’ve been in a relationship for over 3 years. I am engaged to him and I just feel so lost and confused. Recently I found out that he has been talking on the phone with his ex girlfriend when he should be “working” I mean these are late long calls. At the beginning of our relationship he had done it too and then stopped this is the fourth time he has done this. I do not know what to do. I live with him and everything seemed so good and one day I just felt like he was talking to her again so I asked because I basically knew already. I kept asking him like 3 times and he said no. Later, that night I was looking at our phone bills and saw her number I mean how can I forget that stupid number. I was so devestated and called him and told him that what were those phone calls about it has been 5 days and he still refuses to answer my question he says things like it was “nothing” I mean like 48 minute calls of nothing really? What should I do I currently go to College and I am unemployed he is basically maintaining me “financially”. I don’t know if to leave him or what do I do? I love him but at this moment what i feel is nothing. HELP!! Please..
Eliza says:
I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex who he always talks to and I don’t know what to do I love him but I don’t know if I could ever trust him again does anyone have any advice that can help me?
liana says:
so ive been with my boyfriend 3 times. the first time we went out for a week at most and he broke up with me. didn’t tell me why, the second time we got back together we were in a relationship for a year, he broke up with me. he said it felt to real and was scared? this third time I thought it was going to be great. third times a charm right? NO. we argued a few nights ago when he refused to invite me to be with him and his friends. he said I couldn’t be there because me and his friends were too different? and also there was someone there I didn’t like. we met in person to speak and then he let it all out. he came clean that I our first relationship, he had sex with someone else. that’s why he broke up with me. the second relationship he had sex with someone else also (I was a virgin and was not ready) so he says that’s why he did it. claims “he needed sex” he also told me he’s talked to other women before, several. in the second relationship and the current one. one of the woman he “was talking too” was there that night when he didn’t want me with his friends. now when I met her, I had a gut feeling I didn’t like her. and when he told me he had been messaging her and she would send him pictures it just hurt so bad. someone, anyone please give me their advice on this. it would help a lot
Lisa Foley says:
walk fast especially when he tries to blame youfor his ownwrongdoing .I am dealing with this for a while. it has destroyed moving on and trust again. I tried. I cannnot trust him again. What is there to trust? Plus I am only beating him up over and over despite some actions on his part, which again are mixed messages again. So trust is not being built. Only more pain. WALK AND KEEP WALKING> if he is capable of disrespecting you like this that is the type of person he is. Not every man is like this. take a look at blogs by guys that do not cheat and are fed up of the menwho do. It’s true,some do not cheat andif they get a woman who willnot cheat thentheyshould give back the same,otherwise the relationship isnot equeal andwill neverbe. It’stoo later. Damage done.
angela says:
My boyfriend lives in another country , i used to go to see him every 2 or 3 months ’till i get a job in where he lives, this month i couldn’t go there, so i told him i will visit him soon as i can he was upset but comprehensive, this week he changed he told me he doesnt have enough time to talk because of work, every time i call him he reject my calls and text me i will call u back but he don t, yesterday he said he s at home and wanna sleep, he sends me a voice record, and a girl was with him her voice was so clear in the record, he said its not a girl voice its from the mobile..and didnt talk to me till now
buhlegrace6@gmail.com says:
I’m 22years old I been in a relationship with my man all most seven years but it was a long distance up until we decided to meet each other once a month know I’m pregnant he is always supportive &his family but know he just change putting a picture of her baby mom when I call him a girl answer the phone it been days know I can’t get hold of him he block me on his what’s up please help me Buhle from mpumalanga
Liz says:
Feeling a special connection is hard to find. So when we do have that special someone it may be hard for us to let go. But it gets harder the more chances you give a person. If you forgave them once what makes them not think that you will forgive again and again? One looses their self respect when we dont give ourselves the worth we deserve. At the time I was with my ex boyfriend, i had some suspicious but i never had evidence to completely convince me. When i found out the truth, I confronted him. Guys are so good at lying that I believed it. I believed his lies and lied to myself. And once you become part of this pattern and behavior it’ll be hard to cut off. I lasted another year with my ex boyfriend but to later find out he cheated on me 11 times with different sexual partners. I try to use this experience to help me now. Once i know you have cheated and have disrespected me to the point i am no longer enough for you is when i leave you. i cannot stand to have to go through that pain again. So my advice to you would be to move on. Unless you believe she can truly change the thought of her cheating is going to fester your mind.
lydia says:
I have been living with a man for 2 years now and my job keeps me away form home for days at a time. I read on his text phone that he was meeting a woman for breakfast after I left for work. The text said I can’t wait to see you baby this morning. I talked to him about it and he said the woman was just an old girlfriend and they are just good friends. I found out her name is Marsha and was his old girlfriend at one time. I know he is cheating and leaving him is the right thing to do but, my
I don’t know why it so hard to leave him. do you have any words of advice I can keep repeating to my self so I can get through this? Lydia
Sol Ruiz says:
Very good advice. As a person going through same, I too will cut cord while in early stages. Have to find someone who will treat me as a queen.
Sol Ruiz says:
Be strong … hurt goes away! Give it two weeks no contact!
tomi says:
hey sol ruiz. m on two weeks no contact but the hurt and anger is still there
Cici says:
I’ve been in relationship with my boyfriend almost 4 years and we even stay together now. I cheated my ex because having affair with him and he even have a girlfriend too but both of us experience long distance relationship at that moment. He even well known as a playboy but that time I don’t care cause I think I’m not going to be serious with him. But day by day, it’s keep hard for me to leave him even I knew what kind of guy is him. But after few years been together, I always caught him having affair with few girls but I keep forgive him and I think, I also can do what he had done to me. But every time I do it, I can feel the karma hit me back. I even caught him having affair with my not-to-close friend. We almost break up but I forgive him again cause I do the same thing like him too. This early year, again I caught he had another affair with foreigner girl. At first, I’m not taking too serious about it cause I thought nothing more than that will happen. Then I start search that girl name at any social network until I saw she post their picture. I’m totally blank and don’t know what’s on my mind.What make me so mad, he said he going out then drunk to drive back home. We argued and ask him how could he do this to me. He apologized to me and give him time to change. But too bad, after few weeks, I stalked his phone and still found they contact each other even that girl going back to her country. I keep asking myself why I still hold on even I know what he had done behind me. I’m too weak to make a decision and fear to move on. I always worry how if i make a wrong decision when i have a choice to stay with him and trying to fix this relationship again?
Mrs me says:
what happens if a man bring a woman in your house whille away is there love there really?and when u find out he refuses and decided to leave the woman.
Mrs me says:
This man has been cheating ever since i met him..i have been paying all the bills in the house..he brings a woman in the same bed we sleep.i cannot forgive him am trying but i cannot.he left the woman but still i just cannot.who brimngs a woman in the same bed you sleep with your wife.
broken and Confused says:
My boyfriend cheated on me more than once. We have been dating for over a year and 5 months. I love him more than anything and I thought he felt the same. I just don’t understand how you cheat on someone you “love”. He decided we need a break, but he acts like we are dating. He had sex with someone else while on this break and says he isn’t ready to get back together yet he acts like we are together and talks like we are. But I no im not the only girls hes talking to. He is hitting on girls and talking to all that he can. I just don’t get what to do. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me but isn’t ready. Do I pretend to move on and say im done waiting or do i hold on and wait till he is ready? Losing him hurts more than anything. How do you give up on someone who you love. This whole thing has made me really depressed and I just want to get rid of my pain, I just want everything to go away. He gets jealous when a guy talks to me yet he is talking to a bunch of girls. It makes no sense. He claims this break is just because he dosent want to hurt me again yet he is the one who slept with someone else and is talking to other people. I just want to get even but i dont want to hurt him. I want to be with him more than anything else and he knows that. I just dont no what he is thinking or what to do. During this break he lost all trust I had for him. But do i keep fighting or hurt myself more and give up.
tomi says:
it would be best for you to just let go of him. he is going to string you along till kingdom come and you emotions are always going to be on a roller coaster. let go feel the pain, which is going to be more like death… BUT the good thing is you will get over it and move on.
Sydney says:
My boyfriend cheated on me. We had plans to be together and get married and he told me I was the only one he cared this much about. I wanted to kill myself. It’s so stupid to even think killing myself would make him pay, but pain does crazy stuff to a person. Investing so much in one person and only being able to think about them and how they’re doing is all I did. I just wanted to love and be with them. I found out on his tablet. I saw the conversation. He called the girl and 10/10 and said he didn’t have a girlfriend I confronted him and he started sobbing. I ran. I don’t know what to do.
Mama mosa says:
I have been dating this guy for five years and we have two kids the youngest is 1month old. It’s been hell through out the relation, the abuse I’ve taken all in the name of love, cheating wit different woman, beating me during my pregnancy, booking hotels, emotional, mental and verbal abuse I’ve gone through. I am fed up,hurt and angry wit my self yet at the same time I have to deal wit a break up n adjust to being a single mom wit a new born, I have no emotional support from anyone and m just too confused bout how things r taking place in my life.
Alekhya Chauhan says:
I’m an 18 year old and have been in a relationship with dis guy since 6 months.. A month ago we broke up when I found out he already was in a relationship with another girl since 2years! He broke up with both of us and den slowly approached me nd said he misses me and he really loves me and wants me back.he says I am immature and so not know hw to get on wid life alone so he wanted to stay wid me nd guide me.bullshit. And then I gave him a second chance.. We oly met once 5 months ago at his frnds place for a smoke up. Nd den cuddled for a while. Nd since then we neva met in Private. Bt we keep meeting nea my place every week for he needs money to score his stuff! He neva takes me out. Or calls me for no reson.he keeps checking on my social networking site and yells at me if guys comment or even like my pictutes.i always thot he had dis doubt cuz my ex was frnd ..honestly I knew they were frnds nd I started dating him after 1 year dat I broke up wid my ex.nd I have not guilt of dating my ex’s Frnd.cuz my ex was just wid me for a month nd we only went out fr. A few parties and nothing else !! Soo .. Yesterday that girl texts me again asking if I and he are back. Nd when I said yes..she tells me that he said the same things he said to me to patch up wid her and hez doing it again.hez cheating. Again. She tried asking him but he hung up. I didn’t ask him bout dis yet. He thinks I don’t knw it yet. M scared to confront him. What do I do. M scared to b alone. M scared to lose him ! His frnds keep telling me that he and my ex’s are best friends and planned of dating me and dumping me and using me for money . I neva believed dem. Cuz he never wanted to get physical with me and fronts dat he is very possessive bout me.I just don’t understand. That girl says that he neva loved her and she wil.back off nd says me nd he to stay happy together.. But how do I knw dat he doesn’t really love her anymore and will forget her.? What do I do?
AiEnma says:
I’ve been in long distance relationship for almost 8months now.
But this guy I met online, on the first week his so full effort to talk to me thru Skype. Since his base in Norway for his work, we have really time difference. And after few months our regular talks will happened during Sunday.
Now it’s been a week since he returned to his home town in India and even a single message from him, I haven’t received any. And now I was so curious I search him on Facebook and saw the truth that he was already married for 3years. It was painful cause I have trusted him so much, that only this time I just tried to search more about him.
I am hurt and also feel sorry for his wife. I don’t know if she was aware of us. Now I find it more difficult to trust guy and specially from India. Am not a racist but I’ve been hurt again.
Christy says:
My mom and my Dad are still divorced
Sonya Pinnock says:
I have been dating a guy for 7 years and 1 month he broke up with me to be with his female friend who he had known for 1 year and six months they met online….The same month he left me the friend proposed to him and got married 3 days after.
Bear in mind I just had his son six month ago and we lived together.
I don’t understand am very much confused
jess says:
I’ve been in a toxic relationship relationship for almost the past three years. I’ve changed a lot since the girl I was three years ago. I’m 21 now and when I started dating him I was barely 18 years old. He was the first real relationship that I’ve ever been in. I was so trusting in the beginning, it never even crossed my mind that he would cheat on me, I was naive… He cheated on me a week after his birthday, with his ex girlfriend (it still haunts me). We never moved past it and then about a year later he had an online relationship with another girl, even told me that he loved her.. that hurt, still does. In the back of my mind, I feel like he probably had more indiscretions, especially considering that he never came forward willing, I always caught him on my own. Its all too much…Even now I feel stuck, confused, and hurt. I’m not the same person I was then, I made a lot of mistakes but he hurt me so badly. A part of me still wants him in my life but another part of me feels stupid for feeling that way. I strongly believe he will do it again.. idk how to walk away. I’m scared and lonely.
Madeline says:
It’s only hard in the beginning. I’ve been there, trust me, give yourself a few days to think about how great your future can be as a free girl. You will feel reborn. I promise
disqus_BzC1L9b13J says:
This post is 5 months ago so I hope you’re in a better place right now.
annabel says:
We’ve dated for 3yrs, i’ve caught him so many times sending different girls love messages and when I asked him he always gave me different stories about them. He never admits he’s cheating on me, I know he’s lying and it hurts me so bad. What should I do pls?
Betty says:
Help! I been with my boyfriend for 2years. We have a 6month old son now and we’re happy and in love well so o thought. I let him go out he returned the nexy morning at 9am well…. A week later a random girl messages me that they were together that night. What do i do he swore upand down they did nothing he admitted to texting her hut he immediately ended it and in return she sent the pictures because she wanted him. I can’t get it out of my head idont eat or sleep I’m confused we’ve talked about it I’ve expressrd my feelings and hurt and we’re gonna wprk through it. Help…
JustSomeLady says:
Betty, love yourself first so that you can be the best mother possible for your new blessing.
Men lie, men cheat. I can’t confirm his wrongdoing but it sounds about shady as shade can be. You have enough proof and remember love can be truly blinding.
Stay strong
JustSomeLady says:
Things are taking place for a reason. Imagine yourself a month, 3 months, a year without all of the drama sorrow and pain that he’s causing. You would be back to a stronger version of the old you.
This is your opportunity to be super woman & There is nothing you can’t do for the ultimate prize of self worth and true happiness.
You got this.
broken heart says:
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 7 years. The past year has been very difficult we argue alot. I went away on a business trip for 3 days. And in that time he cheated on me in our house. I’ve been back for a few weeks and just found out . The whore that he cheated on me with has boyfriend . Boyfriend contacted me and told me everything. I confronted my boyfriend he admitted to the affair. He stated it only happened one time but he has been texting her for about a month and it’s over now ,he regrets it. idk What to do I’m so lost and hurt. Can please someone help me?
Sue says:
i’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year now and he’s constantly cheating on me four times that i found out. He the best boyfriend I have every had, and I want to be with him, but am confused. He thinks he has a problem
melissa says:
My boyfriend is cheating on me!
Leeanne says:
I’ve been with my partner for almost 6 years now engaged for 2 years. He took me away to Newcastle at the weekend to celebrate my birthday booked us into a 5* hotel the lot. We were getting ready in room to go out for a meal he was in shower and his fone lit up it was a message from a girl that I knew he had been with when he was younger asking what he was upto.. I tried to forget about it and pretend I didn’t see it but I couldn’t !
I confronted him and he says she’s just a friend and his mate gave her his number on a night out which I didn’t believe. I messaged her on my fone asking whats going on etc. she messaged me saying he gave her his number through facebook a few weeks ago and went to her house a few wknds ago and slept with her. I was totally devastated but he denied it to my face and slept in his car while I slept in the hotel room.
He came into the room the next day and I begged him to tell me the truth and he broke down and told me everything said he slept with her and is disgusted that he’s done this to me. He has been in a really bad place recently he lost his job and admitted to me he’s been going around with the wrong kind of people and has been taking cocaine! I spoke to the girl and she said she new he was with me and she is sorry and she sent me all the messages they have been sending to each other over the last few weeks ago.
The night he cheated on me I had made him a nice meal the lot and he left my house sayin he was going out on a night out with his mate which I found to be strange as he never really goes out but I thought just let him go out and enjoy himself.. I never heard from him the full night was up the full night worrying I then recieved a text message at 3am saying “That’s me home babe”, I foned him straight away but no answer so alarm bells were ringing in my head and I new something was wrong. I went to wrk the next morning tired and didn’t here from him till the afternoon and he foned sayin he was drunk and fell asleep and didn’t hear me calling him the usual, but what really hurt is he picked me up from work and was being his usual self kissing me hugging me brought me food and slept with me and showed no remorce or guilt like it’s something he’s done before and is natural to him!
He is now told me he is deeply sorry he doesn’t want to throw everything away and its made him realise how much he loves me. He told me Iv’e been pushing him away the last few months like not having sex with him and being a right b towards him and hes right I have been he does everything for me and I don’t appreciate it so maybe I deserve what he’s done!
He has now changed his number, told his friends he wants nothing to do with them, went to a doctor to ask for help and help to stop smoking etc. I know he is a gd person and loves me or he would have just walked away, but will he ever change? as u know what they say once a cheat always a cheat?!
Just in a really bad place right now and too ashamed to tell anyone. someone please help 🙁
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Natalie Perez says:
I am a 36 year-old women I’ve been with my boyfriend for going on 9 years he is 27 we have to kids 5 and a 3year-old and I have a 18 year-old and he likes to flirt with other girls ..i just find out he cheated on me about 2 weeks ago with some girl on line and I don’t what to leave him but it hurts so much how do I get over it
Renée says:
I’m 7 months pregnant and just broke up with my boyfriend last month. I found out he cheated on me from FB when his mother posted a picture of a baby on her page. Some girl had a baby in March and I’m due in July. I’m having a hard time copping and dealing with this news and feeling lost with a lot of emotions he said sorry, but never came to my house he said he was going to explain everything. What should I do I’m broken hearted and devastated.
julia says:
Looks like no one has been active on here but I have to get this off my chest. I met my ex when I was 17 years old in 2011. He lied to me and told me he was 26 but a month later I found out he was 36. He was my first boyfriend, my first love, and my first everything. After finding out I accepted it. I wasn’t happy about him lying to me but I was beginning to fall in love with him. A month and a half into our relationship I found out he was cheating on me with a particular girl multiple times. I confronted him about it and then I broke up with him. For a couple of weeks I stayed away while he attempted to talk to me but at the time he disgusted me. 2 weeks before I left for school we got back together. Through the years we’ve been on and off, and he’s has done some horrible things to me. Almost committed suicide because of him. Through the years when we were on and off, there would be times where I wouldn’t talk to him for months and he would try to reach out and vice versa. That’s how we kept going back to each other. In my mind I thought that is was because he loved me so much and I loved him. He was also like my best-friend. 2 years ago I officially broke up with him and told him that we would never be together again. I told him he could stay in my life as a friend and vice versa. That was a big mistake. He still pretended he was like my boyfriend and in a way sometimes I pretended to be his girl. I was comfortable with him and he knew my body so we still had sex even though we broke up. In October 2015 which is also his birthday month, he pulled a disappearing act on me. Something he did to me when I was back in school instead of breaking up with me, he disappeared. In Oct 2015, I reached out to get no response back. I actually thought something bad happened to him, was gonna go to his house until something told me not to. At the end of Oct, I was walking home when a man was driving a car screaming out my name. I looked and it was him. At the moment I refused to talk to him, and told him to go back where he came from but he insisted that I hear him out. I did and he couldn’t give me a real reason why he disappeared on me, but me being the silly naive girl that I always was, I let him back into my life. 2 weeks later I went to his house to hang out. As he went inside the shower, I searched through his dressers and found underwear and bras. I confronted him about it and he lied and kept saying it belonged to his cousin! Of course I didn’t believe him and I refused to touch him or have sex with him. He kept trying and I kept pushing him away because I wasn’t ready. For the past 2 years that him and I haven’t been officially together I would ask him questions like, “Are you seeing someone? Do you have a girlfriend?” He would always say no and accuse me in return. I did notify him that I went on causal dates but nothing serious. For the past 6 years that I’ve been on and off with him he was my only boyfriend. Still til this day he’s the only boyfriend that I’ve ever had. After finding what I did in his room that day, I completely changed with him.I rarely had sex with him anymore, didn’t pick up his calls or text back like I would normally, and didn’t allow him to see me as much. On December 30th 2016, I told myself that would be the last time I would ever let him touch me. From early 2015 to 2016 I saw little change in him. He would take me out more, buy me gifts, lend me money when I had problems and just simply be there for me. One thing he promised me is that he would always be there for me. In November 2015, I met a new guy who I was casually seeing and starting to like. When this new guy and I started having sex and completely stopped having sex with my ex. Also because I felt guilty. In Feb. 2016, my ex did something to piss me off so I completely cut ties with him that is until I went to a concert in March 2016 and saw him. He called me after saying how sorry he was and that he really needed to see me. That night I went to a party with him where he begged me to come outside and there he begged me to get back together with him and to give him another chance. I told him that he needed to work harder and then I would consider it. The new guy I was casually seeing, wasn’t doing what he was supposed to either so I slowed down on him. The only reason I didn’t tell my ex about the new guy was because the new guy and I weren’t officially together so I didn’t feel the need to. But I promised myself that whomever I dated and made it official with my ex would be the first to know. In April 2016, my ex expressed to me how bad he missed me and we made plans to go on a date around 11 pm, get a hotel ,and have a great night together. On that same exact night as I was headed to the mall to pick something up I got a phone-call. When I answered it was a female, when I ask who she was, she explained to me that she was his girlfriend and that she has been his girlfriend for the past 3 YEARS! At first I thought she was joking.That night we met up, I lied to him about getting out of work late, he then canceled our night together. As we met up she showed me pics, he even called her and she put him on speaker and had a full blown conversation while I was mute. After I showed her everything , we were both in complete shock and started crying. Never, Never in my life would I thought that I would experience this much pain. We confronted him on the phone together. He basically tried to comfort her and leave me in the dry saying that we weren’t together. Throughout the convo her and I had, she told me that she met his mom and sister, she had the key to his place, and he chased he to another country. All of those things I never got from him out of all meet his mom. I even found out that he had a third child his first born that I never knew about. At the moment when I was still having a convo with his girlfriend I sent him a picture of me and the new guy having sex to hurt him because he never tried to reach out to me. I felt like I somehow needed to get him back. A week later I tried to get closure from him , but he wouldn’t even face me. He gave me a story, all he wanted to do was talk about the pic I sent him. Then I realized that he was never going to change. He couldn’t even face me like a man. When his girlfriend found out that I reached out to him to get closure, she started acting funny and blocked me. I haven’t heard from them since. I feel so destroyed. Everyday when I wake up and go to sleep its on my mind. I feel so betrayed, to him I feel like trash. Most of all I’m mad at myself. To him she was like his wife and I was simply trash….
ashley says:
me and my boyfriend have been together going on 3 years now, and tonight I started to have some weird feelings in my gut, and decided to do some snooping, I found 2 girls in my bfs fb inbox that he was hitting on trying to get to come hang out with him. when I confronted him he denied knowing that I had seen them, he kept asking me what I’m talking about trying to make me sound like the crazy one. I didn’t tell him that I got onto his facebook and found the messages, ive always been a little skeptical here the last couple weeks cause hes been becoming more and more distant with me telling me excuse after excuse of why he cant come, well we have out friend finder set on our iPhones so I can track his every move. he would tell me that he just wants to be home relaxing playing the game drinking beer. and when I check the map he isn’t any where near home, he keeps using phrases like I need my social time and when I ask if he can socialize with me he tells me no. idk what to do at this point, I just keep making myself look like a crazy stalker girlfriend!!!
Elizabeth says:
My boyfriend of 7 years cheated on me with his ex. Last night I found out he still talks to her frequently and discusses our personal business with her. I am heartbroken all over agin and have no idea what to do. What I want to do is make him feel like I feel but since he apparently has no feelings that would be a waste of time. Please help me
Kmarie says:
my (now ex), I feel has been cheating for a while. he’s always texting other girls, he lies about how he spent the night with them and then claims it was bc they owed him money, he hangs out with another all alone, he calls all of them babe and they tell him they love him and call him love, he deletes his responses to females but keeps their responses, just recently he said he was turning himself in bc he had a warrant and the night he was supposed to be in jail he butt dialed me and I strongly believe I heard him with another female. I texted him may times but got no response, then the next morning he called from the jail and I asked what was going on he said the jail was over crowded so it takes a while, then I cut to the chase and was like where were u last night, he was like what are you talking about, what do u mean, and I was like u butt dialed me where were u last night, he hesitated then said he was with his brother but I know what I heard on that phone and I’m still very disturbed with that on top of all the other lies I’ve caught him in and how he fails to realize how horribly he’s disrespected me and how I still say things like I appreciate having you in my life, I love you, I’m great full, Yada Yada makeing sure I reassure hI’m he’s loved but yet, he still manages to lie to me and sneak around behind my back and the last lie he told was all I could take anymore and I told him just call her from now on do u understand me, and I hung up and blocked the jail numbers he called from. I’m so hurt….I’m so deeply in love with him…I’ve stayed so loyal and I’ve proved my loyalty many many ways from being willing to take a polygraph and pay 300 out of pocket for it and he didn’t let me and I don’t understand why…all the way to having a app on my phone where he can watch and listen to my every move. I don’t understand why I’m being cheated on. he claims he loves me and he needs me, but how do u love someone and “need” them and yet be so willing to lie to them and disrespect them royaly and manipulate them into keep putting up with it? I don’t understand. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve Givin him hundreds of second chances and he’s takein them all and stepped and spat on them by continuing to disrespect me….it hurts so bad. I never loved anyone so much in my life and of course the one I’ve loved more them anyone has disrespected me more then anyone especially by pretending he’s a saint right after he’s caught in a lie then he gets mad and tries to flip the script and confuse me with made up bullshit that I can easily prove wrong. why do men do this? why do they yearn for constant attention from numerous women? mainly the ones who are easy or ugly or both? even females who sell their bodys? it’s disgusting. how is it so easy for me to be loyal but so hard for him…me and him both were molested as kids and he claims that can make someone highly sexual with alot of people in their adult years but…I had my phase when I was a teenager but I’m grown now and I know better and I enjoy doing my man right and being by his side and proving my loyalty to him so he doesn’t have to even come close to dealing with the pain I am…but yet….he still acts the same way he did when I first met him….permiscuous (I know I didn’t spell that right), sneaky, lieing, highly flirtatious with all females….I don’t get it!!!!!! what did I do to deserve to get done so wrong?
Eliza says:
Hello all, I’ve been reading this blog with interest. I’ve just found out yesterday morning, in a very dramatic way, that my boyfriend was cheating on me. He did this before and promised he’d never do this to me again. I loved this man and still do. I know it will take time to heal and I’ve been awake tonight with thoughts rattling around my head. I thought I would Google “how to overcome a broken heart”. I came across this; the comments and blogs I have been reading here are a great encouragement. Most especially the one about taking your broken heart to God. I am reminded that He heals the broken hearted, so I’m going to try to trust in that. I have been avoiding God for a long time and I have to accept that He loves me, even though I feel worthless and unloveable. I hope He will forgive me for the bad things I have done. I just wanted to reach out and make contact. Thankyou so much for your comforting words. E
TheHopeLine® says:
Thank you for sharing your encouraging words. We also have a free eBook that has true stories in it that you might find helpful – http://info.thehopeline.com/relationshipscheating-ebook. It can help you learn how to avoid relationships like this in the future. We are also here for you 24/7 if you want to talk about it https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
Jenny Edwards says:
Please could someone help. I am so low and hurt I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend of 3 years was with his partner before me and they have 3 kids. A few months ago i found out he has cheated on me with her and now she is pregnant. He has moved in to support her while pregnant. He keeps getting into my head telling me he doesnt love her only me, my head is all over the show 🙁
Eva Mary says:
My boyfriend cheated on me…We have been together for over three years. Our relationship was a long distance one for the past 1.5 years. with both of us in different continents. We used to meet every 6 months and be in contact with each other everyday over phone, skype etc. He has met my family and I have met his parents over christmas. We spent one month together holidaying and getting reacquainted. There was some disappointments as we were not talking everyday as we used to as I moved to a new country for my studies (we still are in different continents) and the work and the newness of the place was a lot to handle. But I thought we worked it out during our time together. One month after our christmas holiday he started talking to this girl.. for hours and hours… day into night… i felt neglected… our fights increased… added to this was the pressure of arranging the wedding on me.. and I did not have as many friends to talk this about in my current city.. our talks became less about us and more about the wedding.. and I felt i was pressuring him onto this wedding…. we fight.. he says its all a confusion…. he comes to visit me.. and I thought was a time to clear everything.. be together and be stronger… he says we have been drifting.. asked me if i see us together.. basically questioned “us”. One night i took his phone to check the photos we took that day when he snatched the phone from my hand.. he said he had discussed our problems or his feelings with the friend an he was not ready to share that with me yet. I did not understand.. I was like if there was any problems between us, it was something he had to talk to me about.. but.. he did not show me what was on the phone… but we talked about us… i was suspicious, I emailed myself their chat history.. but did not get to read it as I was with him all the time.. an it was a lot of texts!.. We decided to work on us. he said we will know where we stood with each other in couple of months.. if we still worked as a couple or not… ut I was hopefull.. because y the en of the trip…. I knew he was more the person I knew than anyone else… after i drropped him at the airport.. i red the texts… he cheated oon me with her (his so called best friend) multiple times… their talks souned like they were actually dating… even when the irl moved back to her hometown of italy, they ha skype sex and still talked for hours… she even came down to visit her “friends” and stayed at his place just before he left to fly to me… so basically he came to me from her bed! I don’t understand… I went from being a bride to having a rocky relationship to being a victim of cheating all in the space of 8 days… I confronted him.. he agreed to all charges.. he wished that he had not brought this on me… I ave him a week to think.. see if he could stop talking to that girl.. and give me a 100% if he wanted us to work out… He said he did not love her.. an they were good friends an they thought they could control this??!! and he could go back to being friends with her.. an be with me.. He says he loves me.. but he cant stop talking to her…. I have tried to stop talking… but I can not do it… I continue to talk to him.. we talk about how to go from here… to move forward without hurting each other… but I am hurt.. And i don’t know how to handle this hurt… I feel I am weakening… as I feel I need him.. but I know I wont be happy unless he makes all the changes like stop his conversations with her.. and be prepared to work on us… Or atleast say he is sorry so that I can get over it… This is my first long term relationship… And I know he has not cheated on me before.. or even cheated… I know he is feeling a lot of guilt… that he want to figure out.. he says that he is waiting for the magic back between us.. like a sign that tells him to hold onto me.. if not, he would rather be alone it seems…. I understand it, but think its a load of crap!.. if he want to be with me.. then he has to work for it… nothing comes by sitting back an hoping that it will all become fine by itself… its this sort of passiveness that does not allow me to move forward.. as I think I will regret it later… I am also afraid that I might not be able to love again…. i am 27 but am Indian… thats’ a whole other level of social pressures.. what am I not seeing clearly here!! I am trying to be rational… although all i want to do is cry and cry…
Roona says:
I am 27 and Indian as well. Even though the social pressure is almost null in my case but i can understand your feeling. since it s already been 5months to your comment i am hoping you d sorted things out by now.
Just says:
You posted 6 months ago, so you may have already resolved this, but if you haven’t and you are still with him. I know you want to believe he has a conscience, but you need to start believing that he’s too selfish for that. A cheater in relationships is no different than when we were kids playing a game together and one of them cheated to win. As a kid is was black and white, that kid was a cheater. If you apply this thought into your relationship, you will start to feel different because a cheater is a cheater, they will do whatever it takes to win, to cheat the other of a fair game. In this case love. A cheater in a relationship, is cheating the other from finding love, true love because the cheater keeps their partner locked into their fake relationship so that they can have a warm and inviting person who loves them while they keep looking for that ever elusive patch of greener grass.. Then when they believe they found the perfect one, they dump the one they were lying to. Then it begins again, they aren’t satisfied, and cheat their current partner looking AGAIN for that greener patch of grass.
See for the rest of their lives, they never will find that perfect one because they are too selfish to appreciate love, so they go around in life feeling empty, void and isolated. You can’t save them, you can’t help them because they don’t care about others, they are selfish. Love doesn’t exist in they heart, only that one selfish kid who only cared about winning at the expense of all the other kids..
Mey says:
Forget him! You deserve to be happy 🙂
Amber says:
I have been dating a guy for almost a year. A week before being together for one year I found a fake dating account on his phone. He had a fake picture and fake information and was talking to other women. I feel so lost. I’m trying to understand. He was everything. We hardly ever fought. He was there for me and was talking about marriage. There were no signs whatsoever. I admit I snooped in his phone because I keep having a feeling like I did not know him. It worried me and now I see what people mean by a gut feeling. He claims he never meet people in person. But when I first found it all he denied it all. He even erased what I found and tried to tell me he had no idea what I was talking about. Of course I had taken pictures. I love him. But I hurt so much. I just don’t know what I should do. How can you build back a broken relationship? More importantly is trust? I’m a black and white girl. Meaning it is either take it or leave it with me. I was so clear that this is who I am. However now I do not know if I should give him a second chance. Just needed to vent. Any advice would be great.
Just says:
Hi Amber, don’t know if you took him back, but don’t trust him. That would be the first thing to do. What you can believe and trust is yourself, and believe that what he tells you is highly possibly a lie. Over time you will start detaching from him. No point in ripping the bandaid off so quickly. Take steps you can handle to get away from him, to untie the knots of love you built, and believe that he didn’t tie those same knots himself, he’s selfish, very selfish and is using you as a safe haven until he can find better, whatever he thinks is better. And the next women in his life he will do the same guarantee.
This is not about you what he is doing and he’s an *ss to be dumping that bs on you, he is just trying to get away with his cheating..
jen says:
So more than a month ago my ex boyfriend broke up with me because he said I was becoming too clingy and possessive. Then two weeks ago he asked me if we could start over. I accepted because I still do love him very much. I tried everything to change myself for the better and avoid past mistakes but then this Tuesday he talked to me and told me that it was a mistake asking if we could start over again because he can’t take it anymore and he also said he doesn’t love me. Yesterday I knew that he is talking to another girl and from what his friends told me, they were sweet to each other and that they’re almost together now and when they asked my ex if how long he and thie girl started talking he said that it was a long time ago.. so that means he cheated on me. I don’t think I can move on from this. I’m having a really hard time considering we’re classmates and I see him everyday. Please help..
karla says:
i know im too late to the party here but im going thro a really hard time and i dont know what to do. my as from today exboyfriend has been hurting me for the 2 year and a half we´ve been togther, im not just talking about cheating, he has treating me really badly but i still forgive him because i had faith he would change. he recently ask for a 15 days break to clear some things up so as always i gave it to him, yesterday i saw a conversation he had with a girl on facebook and he told her “i love you my love you´ve changed my life”, i was devastated and asked him about it so he says he would explain me in person today. today came and i asked him to talk as soon as i woke up he avoid me all day and says he would talk me in person, so i insist he should tell me he ignored me, then got angree at me and dumped me really bad he humiliated me he hurt me on purpose. then i saw him with another girl going to a motel and he saw me to and didnt matter, when i ask him about it he says he enjoy it then block me everyway and says he doesnt want to know anything about me ever again. he made the mistake of sent a msj to the girl on facebook saying i used to be his girlfriend and that i wish the best for then. she show the msj to him and he hurt me even more and said he doesnt want anything to do with me again that i should stay away from him. how can a man go from “love me” to that in matter of days. why he did all this to me he should have leave me long ago. in the past weve been thro really bad break ups and he always comes back, would he come back again? how should i handel things if he does? how i move on from such deep pain?. i know this is long but i have no one to talk to
MaryQLovesYou says:
My boyfriend and I have lived together for 3 years and in different places…he’s getting his own place and so am I but I’m pretty sure he’s cheating we have been rocky what should I do..
Chloe says:
I talk to this guy for 6 months and we have something special. I looked on his phone and he was flirting with a girl. Not much but still was. I forgave him. He said he was stupid and messed up. I forgave him cause people make mistakes. Did I do the right thing?
Lucy says:
My bf has 2 days back went to Russia for completeting his college since than he didn’t replied to my messages what to do ??
Colleen says:
I recently broke up with my boyfriend after 3 1/2 years. I found out he was cheating on me with his ex wife the whole time. When we first met, he told me that he was still in contact with his ex wife and they were best friends, At the time I did not think much of it, as I was still in contact and friends with my ex husband. My BF even brought his ex wife to my work to meet me in the beginning of our relationship. Weird right? He also told me over and over they were just friends and I had nothing to worry about. In addition he encouraged me to befriend her, which I did for him. At the time she was married to her husband at the time and I was told she was happily married and lived an hour away. Then weird things were starting to happen, I found out when his ex would visit him, he had to put my pictures away because she would get all upset! About 8 months later an apartment opened up in my boyfriend’s building and I applied for it. The very same week I found out I got approved for the apartment all of a sudden my BF’s ex wife left her husband with a bunch a drama. She moved right down the street from where we lived and she depended on my BF for everything! He helped her with bills, spending money, bought her groceries and made dinners for her. Let her use his credit cards and so on. Even though I was trying my best to be friends with her, she would sneak over to see my BF as soon as I left for work. I would see her in my review mirror pull into our driveway as soon as I pulled out. A few times I would see her parked down the street at a parking lot waiting for me to leave, I also found out he was sneaking behind my back meeting her down the street when I was home. Oh and my favorite was a couple of times I was home unexpectedly, I saw her drive by our house slowly both directions early morning and take off when she saw I was home. Shortly after she drove by,I could hear my BF upstairs getting up as if he was looking out the window to see my car. Whenever I would ask him about things, he would have some lame excuses. He would also say that I was thinking too much and its all in my head! Then there were times we would have her over for dinner. The whole time she would be talking her annoying baby talk to my BF. Ugh! Every time she came over she tried to get him to go outside alone with her before she left.Did I mention that shortly after she left her husband, she had a boyfriend who lived in another state. When ever her and I were talking alone she would always say things, like “Oh I have to be careful what I say to R (my BF) about C (her boyfriend) because he still really cares for me and gets so jealous!” Nice right! She said many things like that. Even After she finally moved away out of state to her boyfriend’s, I could tell my BF was still being very sneaky with his phone calls and texts to her. Then a couple years ago he insisted on me letting her use my apartment when she visit for the holidays. I was not comfortable with that at all and he knew it and did not care. So she had my apartment and I slept at my BF’s. Well one night my BF who worked second shift,was working extra hours. She had the nerve to suggest that I sleep downstairs in my own apartment by myself while she slept upstairs at my boyfriend’s apartment and she would wait for him to get home! Seriously!! This was on a night before her boyfriend made the trip. Also found out that my boyfriend and his ex would give each other inappropriate gifts,( behind my back) such as he gave her and sent her flowers many times, and she gave him men’s Christmas themed underwear briefs and gave him the “Friends with Benefits” movie! Yes they did! Many other things happened, but the ones that hurt the most was being told by him out on my birthday celebration that he was still in love with her and she was much more important to him than I was! Another time I over heard him tell her that she looked so good that he wanted to be alone with her without me around! I was stupid enough to take him back after everything, but those things kept eating at me and making me sick to my stomach! I also found out that the reason why he moved in with me at my apartment a year ago was so he could afford to help support his ex wife while her boyfriend was away for a year. Everything is for his ex wife! I finally got to the point that I could no longer be with him at all and knew it had to end. He finally admitted to everything and all my suspicions were absolutely right! Everything he said to me during our relationship was an absolute lie! I proudly told him to pack his bags and move on! I really did have many red flags coming at me, and wish I had listen to my intuitions. I knew I deserved so much better! We all do! Always listen to your gut feelings! Don’t ever let someone treat you badly and disrespect you! They are not worth it! There is someone special out there for each one of us! I hope my story helps all of you!
Isaura says:
I’ve been with my current boyfriend for about 2yr 1/2. He’s always cheated in passed relationships and has cheated on me twice already. Now, I know he’s no good for me, this last time he cheated, I had told myself that was IT no more. A month after the brake up (I had already moved out) he contacted me asking to see me I avoid his texts and calls for a good two weeks but i gave in, thought i need closer. Turned out he was on heavy stuff since our brake up I felt guilty,felt like i sent him down that road so i gave in and took him back. He’s been treating me nice and trying anything in his power for me to trust him again, but i can’t let it go this time, it feels like da’ja vu from the previous, I’ve moved back in, and trying to give him the chance he’s asking for but I can’t forget. I want to end thing but my anxiety and fear he will fall down a dark hole stops me. I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO END IT and not feel guilty for doing so. I need help :((
Sammi says:
I’ve been dating a boy for almost a full year now. We’ll sort of. We are not actually together. When we were dating we got into a big argument & he cheated on me with another girl. I was so heart broken and didn’t know what to do. We then ended up talking again & )3 told me he wanted to work on things I said you can try to show me then two months later cheated on me (sort of) with another girl twice. He can’t handle arguments or feeling alone so he lashed out by ignoring the situation and will just cheat I guess. We have started talking again because for some odd reason I can’t completely let go of him. I do see an actual change in him now and do see he is trying but I’m still so unsure of everything. I most likely sound silly for even staying but it’s hard. Do I continue to try and work on things or should I just give up?
TheHopeLine® says:
You might want to check out our free eBook on cheating. It has helpful insights about relationships and real stories about real people. And if you want to chat about it we are here for you 24/7. Simply click on the “Chat Now” button. Here is the link to the eBook – http://info.thehopeline.com/relationshipscheating-ebook
cazzel says:
I have a bf, we’ve been together for three years (Nov 24, 2013 till today) on Nov 28 we have celebrated my 19th birthday and btw he’s 9 years older than me. Our relationship seems to be imperfectly perfect. Like a normal relationships we’ve been through to a lot of struggles but not in having 3 party or what, well am wrong! Very wrong, early morning of 29 Nov I decided to sleep to his house. Well I am a kind of gf that can trust you with my whole heart, and never will doubt you. I was really stupid. I never ever tried to check his phone, his fb or whatsoever. Idk why that early morning of 29Nov I have this urge that I need to check something with his phone. And then I saw something, a mssg for unknown number it says ” are you already at home DEAR?” I don’t memorize my phone number so I thought it’s just one of my numbers still I save it to my phone, the time I went home I called the number but it’s a girl, I was shocked and there’s no word came from my mouth I just ended the call. I just texted the girl if she is the gf of ” Mark N” she then said yes. I call her back again, I asked her how long they’ve been? They’ve been together for 1 year and half! wtf? half of our relationship? I didn’t have any idea regards that, the girl then told me that she knew about me and the other 4 girls but she wouldn’t believe because she really love my bf. Im in a deep hurt right now. Is it still worth it of giving him another chance? He chooses me over the 5 other girls or maybe am wrong again. 3 years? I can’t believe it. I need advices guys.
Jessica says:
My boyfriend of a 1 1/2 years has been secretly talking to his ex-girlfriend that he was involved with for about the same length of time. I confronted him about it on Thanksgiving and he swears that nothing is going on other than him needing someone to talk to. He said, she is married but he still has feelings for her. After he left his wife they dated and she cheated on him with her ex-husband and now she friend requested him in October and they have been talking ever since. The problem is that he is hiding his phone whenever I am there. If it would not have been for the fact that he left it in the bathroom on Thanksgiving I would never have known who he was talking to. About a month ago, I received some of the messages that they have been sending to one another and let’s just say they are not of a friendly nature. I have not confronted him with this information, was going to wait til after Christmas because their are children involved. I have been praying for him everyday and trying to surrender this to God, but it is so hard. He feels that talking to her is not cheating. I beg to differ. I don’t want to break up with him, I just want him to see how much this hurts me and would like to make it work. I think she is just playing him becuase he has been depressed for awhile. My question is staying and trying the right thing, I don;t want to give him an ultimatum as to her or me, but I do not and will not play the other person. He has started to become distant and stopped telling me that he loves me and that is what hurts the worst.
I could really use some advice?.
Thanks
Kefilwe Kgagamedi says:
I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and during our relationship he has cheated on me several times of which I love him utterly and cannot imagine myself being without him. He is also physically abusive and I’m really out of options go I don’t even have eyes for any other men
Please help
Marissa Perkins says:
I need advice from a male. My boyfriend cheated very early on in the relationship a few weeks in. However I never found out until we were a year and 1/2 into the relationship and I was very in love. So I chose to move on and convinced myself it was too early at the time and it was a drunken fling at a wedding.
Since then, since I found out, I have had trouble with trust. I have snooped and I feel guilty, but my greatest fear is that he will cheat and I won’t find out for a long time (again). If I had known right away the first time, I would have left immediately, but my feelings were stronger by the time I found out.
So I look at his text messages occasionally, and I see some from girls in his past, nothing extremely flirtatious, but he never speaks of me and often fibs to them about what he is doing. For example, he was with me on Christmas day, but instead of telling this girl that, he said he was out of town.
This really makes me wonder. Although, it’s not your typical cheating, is he unhappy, not proud of me, about to cheat??
any advice would be helpful, especially candid advice from a an who has done the same thing.
I feel that I am attentive, loving, affectionate, etc. But perhaps it is not enough?
With the Lord's help says:
I’ve been talking with this guy from my college for a little more than a month. I met him a little over a week before we left for break and I told him he would have to wait to ask to be his girlfriend till we came back from break. I did this because I have a lot of trust issues and I needed to make sure he didn’t have any girls at home or anything like that. And it’s been great. He’s crazy about me and i’m crazy about him.. I’ve only known him for a month and he wants me to live with him on base when he joins the military after he graduates. He tells me I’m beautiful.. not in a “I want to get in your pants” beautiful, but an “I believe you’re so beautiful, and I see who you are and you need to be told you’re beautiful” kind of beautiful. I’m very cautious about guys because I don’t trust them.. I’ve been cheated on a good amount of times and it makes me feel insignificant. Guys don’t usually want me for me, they treat me like I’m an object.. but he doesn’t. Being the untrusting person I am, he forgot to logout of his facebook and I’ve kept it logged on since we left on break. And I check it sometimes.. I was just about to finally log out of it because I trust him completely. And I saw that he was sexting some girl from his past that is now engaged. And he knows my past.. and he said he wanted just one person and that he didn’t want to mess around anymore. He says i’m his everything. And I know he’s got a true heart. I confronted him about it and he said he was going to tell me about it in the morning and he didn’t lie about it. He said he was sorry repeatedly and that he really messed up. He’s been answering all my questions and asking for another chance. And I’ve fallen for him so hard.. He told me he would unfriend, block or unfollow any girls I questioned and he unfriended the girl he sexted. I just don’t know what to do.. He’s got a special place in my heart and I may be naïve but maybe he really is sorry. I know I can forgive him with God’s help.. it’s just trusting him would take awhile.. and I wouldn’t hold it against him.. I’m not one to hold a grudge because I know I’ve messed up and everybody messes up and that’s just how it is.. but cheating is a choice. He chose his sex drive over me for a moment. What do I do?
ADREANNA says:
Someone called my boyfriend for nows phone while he was sleeping on my couch. It’s never been a big deal to pick up so I did the person hung up . Then I decided that I wanted to leave him a cute note on his home screen it’s something we do as a couple . However then I discovered that he had a message from a number not saved turns out it’s a friend of his that has tried to come between us before she loves him he dropped contact with her but now she has reappeared she wanted to see how he was doing check up etc. I discovered further that he was messaging calling her beautiful and telling her that he was horny, she however was unresponsive to these and even pointed out that he had a girlfriend . Shocked and Angry I threw his phone at him and accused him of cheating . He however looked just as shocked as I was and has swore to me he didn’t do it. He continued to look as confused and puzzled as I did . So I had him call the friend she had told me she didn’t respond to it because it was out of the blue and thought it was dirty of him to put her and me in that predicament. I have asked him multiple times y he would lie to me? Why would he do it? He swears it’s not him… I asked if it’s not him then who? He thinks it may be a roommate that he has recently had an altercation with not to long before this situation which I knew about and advised him how I would handle it. However he can’t explain how this individual could get in his phone. The other end to this is my boyfriend is not on the lease and they have threatened to kick him out over stupid things . We have been together for 3yrs come March things were going great between us like marriage talk from him before this happened we have even planned a Vegas trip for our 3yr in March. My gut wants to trust him and honestly I do believe him but now I don’t know because I have been wrong before and hurt before in other relationships. I really need advice from people not in my circle people that don’t know either of us. Should I trust him and continue or move on and count it as being cheated on again ?
Tash_ie Sunshine says:
My boyfriend of 3 years kissed another girl last year and the gave him a second chance. He just told me out of guilt that he slept with my best friend a few weeks ago and keeps saying it was a moment of weakness. Not sure if I should leave him or give him one last chance
Christian says:
Leave! Take it from me (read my post above) he has no respect for you. If he cheated in you with your “best friend” he has NO respect for you, and he WILL do it again. That’s foul, and some one who doesn’t care will definitely do it again.
Christian says:
Hi everyone. Here’s my story. First I want to thank all of you for sharing your experiences. They’ve helped when I’ve feel alone and in a dark ugly place. For me it’s been about a year since I broke up with my ex. We were together almost 8 years, and I caught him cheating with about 7+ people, I know there was more but that’s what I found. I had been doing fine these last few months, but lately I’ve been getting super depressed, and break down when I’m alone, I hate it and don’t understand why I was ok a few months ago and now I’m a mess at times. The worst thing is that there are so many triggers, and now I feel like I can’t trust anyone. People tell me they see a sadness in my eyes, and they are right. I’m fighting so hard to be my old self but it hasn’t been easy. Working out has helped, and my body is looking amazing, but I’m afraid to get close to anyond who comes near me. At first I felt humiliated, and like the biggest idiot in the world as my ex was primarily cheating on me with people from the gym we both went to. I don’t even know how long he was cheating on me, but it was probably the entire time. I left him, then started dating someone else. That didn’t work out so I went back after promises that I thought were true. I should have known better but I forgave him and we got back. Tonight I saw my ex at the gym, and all those feelings came back and I had to leave. A few months ago I would see him and act like I didn’t know him. We recently started texting again, and I’ll text him back when I’m bored. Lately I’ve been a mess, I feel like I’m going into a dark place and have been acting reckless, I’ve been sleeping around and sometimes I don’t even know why I do it. I’ve also been experimenting with sex drugs, and being careless. I think I’m going to feel better, but I feel empty. Then sometimes nice guys try to get close but I push them away because I don’t trust anyone anymore. I’ve never had an STD in my life, and now sometimes I put myself at risk something that I would never do before. Working out, marijuana, and working alot helps me but then I get restless and sometimes act reckless. I just want to stop hurting, and get out this dark place. Like I said I’ve had good months, but lately they’ve been dark, and don’t understand why I’m hurting again after a year.
Wow_vee says:
I been in a relationship. For 4 1/2 years and yeaterday i found out that he cheated on me and i called her and ahe said he told her we were not together Nd other stuff it hurts because i still love him and want to be with him i want to give him another chance but i dont want to keep getting hurt . he has a 4yr old hes going to be 5 that i take care of and love so much like he is my kid and i been here since day one we been through so much together from my parents house to the garage to having money to being broke no car to riding buses to having a car like i was pregnant then i wasnt and. I think thats where our fights started is after i lost my baby. He use to take me everywere and now he doesnt take me no were. He said hes tired of me but then the next day hes fine but i dont want to leave him at all i just want him to be the man i fell in love with not this boy hes trying to be. How do i get the man i love back
Samantha R says:
Hope you left her! super later but just saw this and I think that if she cheated that much its not healthy for you stay with her and decay from worry and uneasiness. I have been cheated on more than once as well, and i made the mistake of staying. Its torture on your well being. You deserve to be happy with someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are always, who will communicate with you and work with you on solving issues that effect both of you. wishing you the best!
Nikki says:
I recently discovered the guy I had been off and on with for the past two years was married and had several other girlfriends, and has been living a completely different life than the one he portrayed to me. After three of us found each other on Facebook and started talking we all realized he had being telling all of us the same lies. Promising us a future with him while all along he has been out meeting women, having intercourse with them, and doing all of this while he is married (which we all believe is an open marriage).
I was emotional and heartbroken that I went online and anonymously posted what type of person he really was on a cheater report website so other women could be warned. I threw everything thing he had at my house out include the things he bought me. I stayed up for 24 hours erasing every trace of ever knowing him out of my life. I was satisfied, but only for a few hours. When I finally got some sleep and woke up and I felt worse than I did the day I found out everything between him and I was a complete lie. I felt bad because I seemed revenge and actually executed my revenge on this person when I should have gotten on my knees in that moment and prayed. I can’t erase what I did but I never want my emotions to control the way they did in that moment.
Akilla says:
It just dawned on me this morning that I might have got into a relationship with a sociopath. We’re still fresh and new but I know I have to run away as fast as I can now because walking away won’t be enough, his lies will convince me to stay. I don’t wanna wake up one day and realize everything I thought was real was a lie. I know I’m a strong girl, but I just need the strength and courage to block his sweet lies and leave.
Montranique says:
Well i been single for a long time now. I had dream about my ex boyfriend coming back until me. And he started worrying about me my friends brother and cousins started telling me this. And i was shock so one day he went in the store my cuz said she got a surprise for me so i got on the phone and it was him my ex boyfriend. We talk and laught like old times. Im told him i was looking for someone serious . and i ask him how his gf doing he said bad. So now they broken up he single again he message on facebook telling me he love me. But i dont know if he want to spend his life with me or not.what u think?
Bee says:
Ive been with this man that Ive portrayed as my future husband …. Mking plans in the future and all , being my bestfriend If Im feeling down …. I thought we were perfect , the fact that all of his past I totally accepted him and he is , for me ….. But just recently , I had my doubts and this kind of feeling that there is something wrong …. Because Im helpless accidentally I found out that he was cheating on me … Thats why its kinda funny that , him telling me reasons about bad connection or being drunk … He had done it once or twice but I think its not unusual to be in with that act all over again …Soo as I caught him I decided to end because no doubt he disrespect me and I trusted him but now no doubt I regret being a woman who trust fully just because he promise me about us getting married by next year …But as I dig I totally found out more how destructive he is to me …. I miss him still but I know , he will always be a cheater ..
Megan says:
Ive been in a new relationship for only 5 month my boyfriend was messaging a girl in another state and sending pics i broke it off but he wants to do anything he can to get back with me i just dont know what to do.
Ann says:
my boyfriend cheated on me after being together for 2 months. we knew eachother for six, spent a deployment together, just for us to go on leave and him sleep with his ex. he said she called him wanting closer and he went over to see her and one thing led to another. he said by the time he knew what was happening he stopped got dressed and left. he told me a week and a half later. after he met my family and I met his and we drove from the east coast to the west coast. please help me.
Abby Gallardo says:
I just find out my boyfriend cheated on me. We’ve been together for two years now. I honestly don’t know what to do. He had a three month long relationship with this girl who finally decided that there was was something fishy so she ended up finding me on Facebook and she told me everything even show me screenshots of their conversations. He told her he loved her and that he wanted to put a ring on it. He tried denying it at first but I got it out of him and now I honestly don’t know what to do next
Morgan Windsor says:
So im with this guy and we broke up around the end of November last year but we got back together in like December but we weren’t living together till i moved back in with him in january and he cheated on me with my cousin. He told me himself and in the worst way possible at that. And my dumbass is still with him but i love him and i dont want our daughter to grow up confused and not have both of her parents together. But im depressed and hurt extremely every single day… I just need some advice on what i should do man. That whole 2 or 3 months we were apart i couldnt even flirt with another guy but he was sleeping with like 3 other women and he says its because “he thought i was doing that” does anyone have any good advice for me
Start All Over Again says:
I was widowed seven years ago, when my husband (who I met January 1984) died of cancer. I had been given time off to lookafter him since his diagnosis in March 2010, and he wanted to stay at home with me caring for him, with nurses only when absolutely necessary. I felt his last heartbeat. He was my best friend, my lover, my other jigsaw puzzle piece, and I NEVER considered having another relationship after ours. Last year, during a community class I attended, I made friends with a man who asked me out. I questioned his marital status, and he replied that they’d had problems for years, and that she’d left him at Christmas 2014, to move straight in with a man she’d met online. When that man arrived, that was the 1st time they’d met face to face, and were apparently happy. I agreed to start dating, but was rushed into things partly by him, and partly because I’d missed anothers touch for so long. His wifes boyfriend observed that he had a skip in his step, and he was delighted to say that he’d ‘found a new lady’ (me) and that we were very happy. I quickly fell for what I perceived as a sweet, kind, gentle, honest, intelligent man. His wife threw a tantrum, said that they had to have boundaries (although my boyfriend still had Sunday lunch at theirs), that she never wanted to meet or talk to me. Then she began working on him; whenever we’d had a beautiful time together, he’d see her later, and return to me in a bad, critical mood. She constantly threw histrionics, emailing of her ‘suicide’, which he saw immediately, somehow, and she was running around with a pack of tablets ( I was waiting in a freezing cold car outside her house, because I was worried too). Situations like that happened regulary, until 4 months later, I expressed my concern that she was going to press all his emotional buttons to put him off me, and to gain his attention. Sure enough, one morning, I left his flat, and that afternoon, she was there, ‘distressed’ and they had sex ‘to comfort her’. I’d expected it and forgave him, on the proviso that it was not repeated. She HATED that I hadn’t got angry, and stepped up her attack, arranging dates and encouraging him to lie (yes, it takes two to tango). He then showed me an email that she’d sent weeks before that she ‘said’ she was going to write to me, which was full of how they were young lovers and soul mates; that we could BOTH have an intimate relationship with him (!), and that she was going to fight me (full of contradictions). It only took a few weeks for him to doubt, question and accuse me of everything I did or said,so I let myself down and responded. She’d said we could stay friends, so we tried that, but he was still happy, which she hated, so she got friends to help in her crusade. We ended our relationship (I attempted suicide, failing, as I threw it all up, because my father had only died a few months before too, and I could no longer bear the pain of all that was happening.) She began to tell people I was mentally ill and a liar, so I shared her email with her ‘followers’, so they could read exactly what she’d said. Guess what? She sent the police around last week, having lodged a complaint of harassment against me! When will her toxicity end? What should I do? We’ve never met, so she, and all her online friends are shadow people against me without knowing the truth. :'( :'(
Pamela Taylor says:
Hi I have 3 kids from the father that txt cheated 😭 what do you suggest I do move on or forgive him he’s really sorry about it
Patty says:
I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years and i just found out my boyfriend is having a affair with this lady for 8 months. After i caught him he stays home alot now and he begged my to work our relationship out and he told me his affair was only 2 months but i just went through his phone records and he lied he’s been having a affair with this lady for 8 months. I’m seriously thinking about leaving him it’s killing me inside i can’t even concentrate because of the lies and deceit. Im wondering do people every get passed the hurt and work things out. My friends tell me once a cheater always a cheater
Tammy says:
Once a cheater always a cheater… I don’t agree. I a woman whose been in a relationship with a man for 16 years now. He has cheated on me at least three times that I know of. I’m stuck with him for my kids sake. The reason I don’t agree with once a cheater always a cheater, it’s because I really do believe that mistakes can be made and learned from. In the case of cheating, I believe this mistake can be made one time, but sometimes is learned from. People don’t realize the hurt it creates and once they see it many of them will never repeat it again. The saying should actually be twice a cheater always a cheater. If the person has realized the pain they’re cheating has caused after the first infraction, and hasn’t changed the behavior because they repeat it yet again, that person will cheat always. Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.
Pearl says:
Once a cheater remains a cheater unless that person is willing to change cheating is not a mistake it’s a choice…if you keep on deny urslf someone joy bcos of ur kids then you would die…kids would grow up and they would understand don’t make as an excuse to stay in unhealthy relationship know ur worth
Laura says:
I recently found out my boyfriend cheated on me. We are currently in a long distance relationship and I’ve stayed faithful to him. I talked to the other woman and she even came over to my house and we got the truth out. We even FaceTimed him and he was completely shocked. We ended up going out that night and because she lives out of town she crashed at my house. Since the cat has been let out of the bag he still texts and calls me. He hasn’t messaged or called the other woman. I’m confused. Morally I feel I should block him out of my life for good. My heart wants to give him a second chance. I told him he has a week to come see me and if he doesnt come over within a week I’m walking away. I haven’t told the other woman that I’m talking to him and considering staying with him. He tells me he loves me every day and he’s never once told the other woman he loves her. Me and the other woman are planning a trip together. I feel like I’m being deceitful to her by not telling her I’m taking him back. How do I deal with this….
Mary says:
Once a cheat always a cheat. This man is wasting your time and you are letting him. You don’t think you deserve better and so you won’t get better until you demand better treatment. Let this person go. If you had a daughter would you want her to have this kind of love?
Nesha says:
That’s wrong, but matters of the heart are matters of the heart. Still its like u befriended her just to get her out the way when honestly she was dealing with the same deceit from a man that u were.
Michelle says:
I am in a relationship with a cheater named Pedro
He is Hispanic. Mexican
I. Want to make things work. And he don’t. I tried
If could just save other woman from his mind game. I would be saving woman to be getting hurt.why should others go through that pain. Not fair to them women
Heidi Medina says:
Is he cheating on you?
Heidi Medina says:
I’m 14, so my boyfriend is cheating on me well I don’t know a lot of girls flirting my boyfriend I’m jealous of that I just wanted to cry. Should I break up with him? Where should find a boyfriend anyone help me…
W says:
You too yo!!!! U will have A lot of opportunities, you will encounter better!!!
Dianarra Dulay says:
My boyfriend and I are together for a year now. I found out last night that he is talking to other girls are denying our relationship. I don’t know what to do. It hurts like hell.
Madhu says:
Please move on be would surely not come back and u would be the one who would be heart.its better u say no
Fiance says:
I know my bf fr 7 until he proposed me last year. Other girls love him so much n they keep trying to make us break. He choosed me but he still care to her fan, keep contact with her, send her expensive birthday gift (new cam fr video making) n i got a book. Is not about price, but i really so jealous. Is it healthy relationship? She always attached my relationship
What to do? Am I wrong?
Ac says:
I have 2 kids. Been with him 7 years.. we are not perfect… but we always managed..i recently found out that 2 weeks ago he took a coworker for ice cream and bought her flowers. Mind u im the mother of his kid and he never bought me flowers. He is upset because i told the girl about us. He was knowing her for two weeks ans burly told her yesterday he had 2 kids. She did not know about me. I live on my own and he lives with his mom. He would come and sleep over and tell me he would never cheat on me. I found out he was ignoring me just hung up the phone. Went to his house . Banged on his door and he came out with his mother and she was saying all these mean things to me and he was just angry. He did not care that im hurt. Im calling him he dont answer is ignoring me. I dont know. I always felt something was wrong but never felt he would do this.
Jacqueline says:
I can’t sleep without telling you that he doesn’t love you. Choosing to be with someone for 7 years and he still live with his mom while you have 2 kids with him is a bad decision. Don’t be so naive and believe he’s never going to cheat. You need to walk away and make sure you don’t forget to collect maximum child support from him. I wish you the best.
Alerria East says:
Hey I’m 17. I found out today that my boyfriend was cheating on me. It’s hurts like hell because I knew it but I didn’t want to believe it. How I found out is that his so called “ex” texted me today and asked me was I dating him. I said yes why?? She said they are too. I didn’t know what to do I do frozen and so hurt. I automatically started crying. I showed him the messages and I broke up with him. He’s a pathetic liar. Ik it the whole time when she posted him. Ik it.!! That’s why he never gave me his password or anything. All I want to do is cry and shut people out how do I get over this ?😔
Shilpa says:
Hey …dnt b so upset..u deserve best…there is no point to continue furthur..breakup isnt easy but its possible…cut all threads immediately…dnt live alone…go to library..work..with freinds..neighbours ..family..yoga meditation…its an opportunity to focus on self devpt…thnks to him 4giving u sich experience so no1 will make u fool next time..tc of urself..god bless u…shilpa
Jacqueline says:
It’s a hurtful thing to experience. But it’s good that you experience it early at 17. Now you know what you want and don’t want and know you won’t tolerate this ever. You still have a lot of time and opportunities to meet better people. You deserve better. Don’t be sad. You will be fine in a few months. I promise.
Y says:
I agree with you…
Bri says:
Hi my boyfriend of 3 years decided to have sex with a girl. He even sent pics and texts about it and he says he doesn’t know why he did it ? (Nothing in our relationship was ever wrong??)
Heather says:
That’s extremely hurtful. And not knowing why he did it makes it more severe. He can do something like this for no reason think what he is capable of if wanted to be hurtful. And once a cheater, always a cheater & liar. I also think if he willingly told me this there are definitely things hes not saying. I’m going through a similar situation. So I understand its easier said than done.
Heather says:
That’s extremely hurtful. And not knowing why he did it makes it more severe. He can do something like this for no reason think what he is capable of if wanted to be hurtful. And once a cheater, always a cheater & liar. I also think if he willingly told me this there are definitely things hes not saying. I’m going through a similar situation. So I understand its easier said than done.
Fantastic says:
Hi im 20yrs old and my boyfrnd is cheating with many girls nd i hv a child wth him.im really tired kf this relationship. any suggestion please
Just a Woman who has been here before says:
1. Take your baby and move on.
2. Reread #1.
3. Reread #2
4. Realize he doesn’t like you that much, his actions are screaming “I need to be singles.” Allow him to be just that.
5. Love yourself enough to know why you should leave.
Katie says:
I just caught my bf cheating on me at lease two hours ago.. I looked on his phone whole he was sleeping. He says things to me that make me feel disgusting. He calls me ugly.. he even told me I wouldn’t ever know if he cheated on me. Well.. I looked on the phone I pay for. He has a picture of a women.. I’ve got a lot of text messages from him and his talking to his ex wife, also. I am such a fool.
Aa says:
My bf and I gave been together for 10 years, long distance for 6. We broke up once 4 years ago, but reconciled and I thought we were happy. He told me last week that he had cheated on me once and now he has a 6 month old child. Here hasn’t called or messaged since he told me. I was do angry I cried and told him I could talk to him, I said I didn’t know what to say or to do and I hung up. I haven’t heard anything from him since. I’m devastated
Rita says:
Thanks
Syah says:
What happened was, my boyfriend cheated on me twice on the same girl and promised me that he will not do it ever again. However he did it again recently and I confronted it to him. Should I leave him? But I do love him alot.
Avery says:
My boyfriend and I have been together half a year. Not long, I know. He went on a cruise with his family, and came back a week later. Might I add, we didn’t talk for that whole week due to his “poor signal”. When, he came back he acted different, and hardly ever told me he loved me. A girl about my age direct messaged me on Instagram. “Are you and (his name) dating?” I replied with “Yes. Why?” He called me soon after. On the last night of the cruise, he had sex with the girl. He claims he told her he had a girlfriend, but she told me other wise. He told me he was drunk, the girl said other wise. I’m sick to my stomach. I can’t believe this happened. But I needed to tell someone. Right?
olivia says:
this was very helpful
regina says:
Hi I hv date with my guy for about three years and am even preqnant with and he is cheating plw wat should I do
Charlie says:
I had been dating a guy for over a year. I loved him and he loved me, he even took my vcard. My parents payed for him to come down on the holidays cause he claimed his parwnts wouldnt. I get a text from a girl telling me he had been dating him for months now, during the time he even took my vcard. That she was sorry and didn’t know. He kept lying and had a full on relationship with her. He begged her for sex the day before he came down to see me. Needless to say it was not the best Christmas break, especially being my first year in college. Literally happened all last night. What can a girl say.
TR says:
I too just found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. He has issues that had led to this emotionally but I am feel absolutely distraught.
Kay says:
Well my boyfriend went away for 3 months on his birthday i sent him a video telling him how i felt he blocked me ..i begg his friends to have him msg me.he finally did.and said he wanted nun to do with me i asked him to be friends .he said okay.everyday after that he have been insulting me and making me feel bad..i found out i was pregnant and asked him to make things worked.he moved on and never told me but he still says his inlove with me and want to be with me
Vicky says:
My ex fiancé was a very good liar and extremely good at manipulating the situation and people’s emotions to his advantage. We were together for 6 years and have a 2 year old son. A few months ago he suddenly didn’t want to make things work out between us because of arguments. He left and said for me to leave him alone and he can think about everything. Well little did I know he had been seeing another woman and left me and his son for her. He never told me until 2 weeks ago (just before Christmas) and then a few days later he told me that he had cheated on me during our relationship 3 times (I reckon he’d been cheating throughout our relationship). Since I found out about it his lies and constant manipulation has rocked me to the core and ended up moving back home to my parents because I’ve been so hurt. I feel that my entire relationship has been a lie. I had even brought my wedding dress and he had no intentions or interests in actually marrying me at all. I’ve realised that it’s not me it’s all been about him and his issues in relationships because I’m not the first girlfriend he’s cheated on. Some advice??
jennifer says:
Someone wise told me once, after my ‘time’ with a cheater that it wasn’t fake or a lie- All the feelings I or you had for the person in question were real feelings on your part nothing was a lie- I hope you can take solace in that and know what you felt was real- the rest is just his loss.
Meg says:
Jen good advise, even-though they were cheating every part of your emotional input into the relationship was real and true, it was the cheater who was fake and selfish, taking what they needed for them-self with out regard to the consequences to anyone else.
jennifer says:
I dated a man and moved in to share his home yet he was always either benignly flirting and also cheating and then his old girlfriends came out of the woodwork- he’d cry and say he didn’t know what to do- his old girlfriend was visiting NY and he wanted to not hurt her feelings as she wanted to get together- he’d ask me how I felt I told him it would hurt me when he’d see someone but also I wasn’t his mother- so I left and he’d call and call and always cry how sorry he was- I was a very young 25 year old and I always justified his behavior as he was left an orphan as a small child. So I went back and we married.
Though he never cheated again, he did become a heavy drinker and our lives were (from my point of view) lonely- two strangers who had a awful history.
So I just want to say, even if flirting seems benign, it is far from it-it is disrespectful and is just an opening to other things.
If someone loves and respects you there is no room for beig sadistic and painful and that’s what flirting means to me.
Save yourself a lifetime of heartache and find someone who doesn’t have a wandering eye.
Kaylee says:
I have been dating this guy now for 7 months. He has a 2 year old with another woman. He lost his mom at age 11 and his father did drugs and was in and out. He said he was in love with the mother of his baby but she cheated on him. We started dating and he moved in to my place. We both had jobs and then he lost his. Our relationship went down hill after that. He cheated on me once and when I confronted him he flat out lied to me it hurt after awhile he told me the truth now when he is on his phone I think he might do it again it’s the constant fear that he will again I don’t trust him anymore and it’s hard but I m trying to move past it but it’s hard
Jen says:
I had to double check your name because I thought I was writing this. Minus having a child, my 7 month boyfriend was gonig through a divorce and separated when I met him. He was staying at my house frequently while his wife stayed in their house. He stayed there at times when she was gone as she was also dating someone. After 2 months he didn’t come over to my place and ignored my calls for a day and a half. Then he made up some elaborate explanation that he was in training all day at work. He wasn’t. He had met a girl in a bar that night and cheated on me with her. She was texting him the next day and he was responding and they were talking about meeting up again. He deleted her number in front of me but I’m sure she’s text again. He lives with me now that his house is sold and comes back early every night but I still fear hes up to no good during the day. On top of it he lost his job 2 months ago and I’ve been supporting him, feeding him, giving him gas money. It’s pathetic. I feel like his mom, not his girlfriend. He finally admitted he cheated and that it was revenge sex to get back at his wife (who the woman he cheated with looked like) and it was on his ex wifes bday. So I feel alone and neglected as he rarely pays attention to me. He comes and goes as he pleases and if I text him or call, he rarely answers or responds so I’ve stopped texting him altogether. I think it’s time I pull the plug and instead of worrying about where he’s going to live, worry about myself and my wellbeing. Advice?
leme says:
I dont really have advice. I can just say that I completely understand you and how you are feeling. Im in a really similar situation right now. Stay strong
Joan Speed says:
Leave. Revenge sex…while he is in a relationship…with YOU.
Ann says:
Yes!!! Get rid of him fast!!! He is a loser!!!!
Adienne Johnson says:
If he has no character, integrity, has hang ups, he is liar and selfish. How can he truly love you as a person. He is going to continue to move on to different women. Be thankful that you found out before you considered marrying him.
Leanna Louise Mctier says:
Am going to a sound old school but my mom has always told me a man is a man from the waist down. That means a man is going to do what he wants and who he wants anyway just stay humble and don’t stress over anything.
Meg says:
To make a comment here, helps me to move forward in my embarrassment and shame knowing the man I let into my life for 2 years, introduced to my adult children and proudly took to family functions, after being the single person for too many years to number cheated on me for the entire time we were dating.
I am still reeling from discovering the extent of his cheating, lies and deception he lead to cover up what he was doing behind my back, every chance he had.
I loved every part of him, and gave my heart openly and freely, I adored him and told him what an amazing man he was, I respected him and supported him on all levels. I was with him when we anxiously waited for his prostrate cancer results all the time reassuring him I would be by his side if he need to have more invasive treatment, I was by his side while his elderly mother underwent brain surgery. I loved his family and was always interested in all their lives, making nice bonds with them all.
Today I found out the shocking truth of all the times he cheated on me first time we had met 2 years back until today, he was messaging women from, tinder, Bumble, Plenty of Fish and even his mates wives, arranging dates and making more dates. I am left in a state of numbness as how a man could act in the manor while he professed to loving me and wanting no harm to affect me. I am dong my best not to break down in rage and lash out at him I am doing my best to block him from my mind and actions and be positive he only stole 2 years from me.
Kat says:
Hi meg,
I’m really sorry to hear that and you aren’t alone.. I’m going through the same boat.. expect he said he contacted another woman because my insecurities pushed him to do it..and it hurt to the core that he would do something to hurt me out of spite.. I had insecurities because we would constantly fight and he would always pack his things and tell me the relationship was shit and that I was manipulating, selfish, insecure.. but I had my reasons for my insecurities in which I truly felt he never understood.. it feels like an empty painful feeling. And a part of me wants him back but s bigger part of me knows that I don’t deserve someone who will hurt me out of spite… feel free to contact me. It’s good to talk things out
Ann says:
Honestly not all men cheat so that is not true. There are alot of good men out there. I know people married for 50 yrs and i know they have never cheated. You just have t found the right one yer.
Ann says:
Just have to find the right one!
Chris says:
I dated a man for 8 years. He was my heart, soul, and entire world, and made me believe I was his. Long story short, I found out yesterday that 6 months ago he cheated on me with an escort. He had spent the entire day with me, claimed to be tired and went home; left an hour later and spent 2 hours at a hotel. I saw his GPS history, it was all there. He denied it. I’m reeling and devastated. Couldn’t even man up and admit it.
Ann says:
Dump him!! All the std’s that are out there!! Gross! Move on!!!
Lana says:
I’m truly devastated. My bf has been lying and cheating on me for a couple months. I found out about the female and questioned him to which he replied they were “just friends”. I truly wanted to believe him and tried desperately to come to terms with the idea that he was in fact friends with this girl. But boy was I wrong, i later found that they were were texting each other, meeting up on a regular bases, saying “I love you” to each other, sexually flirting and without a doubt having sex. I retrieved a bunch of their messages to each other and I literally went numb. I sent him a screenshot of every converstion they had to basically let him know that you can stop lying now, I know everything. He flipped out and of course tried to say that I was snooping and that he was done with me. Which is laughable because did he really think that I would want him after all that I’ve uncovered about his cheating? Anyway. Till this day, i feel completely hopeless and empty. So far, he has sent me one text message proclaiming how “sorry” he is and that he “loves me so much” and calls me on a blocked number from time to time, but has not even begun to make amends in any real way or really understand the severity of what he has done. This makes me even more angry and heartbroken and unable to heal. I’m honestly barely able to cope with it all. I feel like I just feel worse everyday that goes by.
Desiree says:
same here girl :-/ I hope he gets what he deserves.
Kat says:
Hi, desire.. I’m on the same boat as well… 🙁 it’s really rough..
Ann says:
Time heals all wounds. Stay away from him. He is a loser!! He did you a favor. When you love someone you do not do that. You never want to hurt the person you love like that. Someone better will come along. Dont give him so much power. Be strong and take your power back!!! Move on.
Dee says:
So my boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me with a married lady.i found out through pictures in his laptop where they were both naked on bed.I confronted him and said its true he cheated and he was mad because i went through his stuff.He claims he cant find himself living with me in the same house because i like snopping around his things.Also i told him cheating is unacceptable because there are diseases involved and he started telling me that i gave him yeast infection and he didnt dump me.I just wonder is yeast infection the same thing as Stds or Hiv.he really said hurtful things to me yet all i did was love him and support him but all he sees is me going through his stuff.Im in the wrong
Kat says:
Omg, I’m sorry to hear that. It seems like your partner is a gaslighting you. I just recently went through something similar with my bf of 4 years… he said I lived in the past and my insecurities pushed him to contact another woman.. but in reality he didn’t make me feel secure.. you know when a woman has a gut feeling of things? Yeah I felt that through out the years. There were things that didn’t add to me..and I had the facts, messages. Search histories on Facebook but he always made me believe I was wrong and looking for dirt so although he would lie about small things that I knew about, I decided to keep quiet bc I loved him, although my gut was telling me otherwise.
I hope you feel better and I am on the same boat right now..
Ann says:
No a yeast infection is not an std. He is a jerk and was just looking for a cheating excuse. He did you a big favor!!! Better now then being married with children. women get them for different reasons. Hormones play a part. To much sugar can bring it on. Antibiotics also cause yeast infections .
favour says:
i went to through my boyfriend phone and i saw his chat with his crush, he was calling her sweet names. then she asked about his relationship with me he told her that i am his coworker. pls i need advice i dont know what to do
! says:
Girl I’m going through the same thing rn. Leave his ass. I was so so so in love. We dated for 2 years. But we don’t deserve that. Nobody does. You can do better. I know you can
Nono says:
Just busted mine with 2 different girlfriends! One of them he told I was his aunt. He’s trying to look single, so let him be! I know it’s hard but it doesn’t get any better with him.
Gloria Ventura says:
Don’t expect the mixture of feelings and the mistrust to go away even if you’re trying to forgive your partner and repair your marriage.
daisy amadi says:
I love my boyfriend but he did not love me
Flor says:
Just caught my boyfriend of 3 years texting multiple different women.. for long periods of time .. so devastated
Kat says:
My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex girlfriend told me he was confused because of how he feels especially with the history with her and only the few months with me. I know I didn’t do anything wrong yet loved deeply right now he wants to work things out with me he feels like he should and that he messed up badly. I am 26 this is my actual first real love like he meant the world to me everything yet hearing this has devastated me so much. I am scared to see him heartbroken when I decide it’s over I am very sensitive to people’s emotions and I tend to hurt myself. I’m scared that if I’m willing to give him a chance that I never done in my life with previous boyfriends, that he will do this again and I’m trying now to forgive and be friends even though I’m so heartbroken I wish I was in a hole.
Kat says:
I mean I did know him previously before we dated I had a crush on him
Elizabeth says:
The guy I am with didn’t physically cheat that I know of but was on dating sites while next to me when I was in the hospital bed delivering our dead twins, then found out he has been watching porn since I became pregnant smh even though it’s not physically cheating it’s STILL MENTALLY CHEATING I feel like I’m not enough for him especially everything we went through.
Lisa says:
That is really tough to deal with. So sorry about your twins.
Lisa says:
My partner was having an emotional affair with a coworker from the time I was about 7 months pregnant. While I was in labour the midwife had to remind him to come be at my side to encourage me. I found out about the affair 2 weeks ago on 11th Jan and he denies texting his affair partner while he was in the delivery room with me. But I did find an e. Ail he sent to her the day after I gave birth organising a date with her. He is also a porn addict.
Mary says:
I just came to know my boyfriend always masterbates. Although our relationship is really wonderful. I saw a naked pic of a girl friend of him with whome he hasnt been in a relationship. This is really disgusting. He even asked me to move in before i saw this pic. He is a jerk.
Ydontukno says:
I was with this guy for almost 2 years. He told me didn’t have Snapchat after he said he would delete it so I would have nothing to worry about. I logged in his Snapchat after figuring out he had it and I screenshotted everything and sent it to him while he was sleeping. Ever since I was 14 I spent almost every day with him and now I’m 15 turning 16. Right after me and him broke up, it didn’t hurt at first because I rushed into a rebound relationship with someone who had also just got out a 2 year relationship and my ex tried while me and him was together to try and get me back? He tried so hard-but not hard enough. I pushed him away. I broke up with my rebound and I tried to get My ex back after taking a week or so to figure out what I want and I knew it was him all along. It was too late- he had already moved on and started a new relationship it’s been 2 months now and it’s been harder and harder everyday because I start to lose faith he will come back. Him and this girl don’t post much on social media but they do have taken in their bios on Instagram and they live together now that he just turned 18 and it’s all so much. I’ve lost all my friends by cutting them off cause of the negivity and that’s been going on since September and things just been getting worse and I don’t know what to do other than to have faith in god and to trust him. I just wish I knew if he was ever gonna come back or not because it can be stupid and I may deserve better but he was my kinda special. He was my best friend. A connection I don’t think I will ever feel with anyone else. And I know I’m young and I don’t seem like I know nothing about love but I promise I do. I’ve learned a lot at a young age and this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through. Feels like I’ve completely lost them out my life. They’ve blocked me- and told me they was doing so because they didn’t wanna be reminded I exsisted and it’s never been like that before. And his meme blocked me too. Never been like that before. I don’t get on the internet much and I’ve never done something like this before but all this hurts so much. Idk what to do anymore. I’m tryna get myself right and there is plenty of fish in the sea but he is the fish ima chase after forever but the sad part is when we broke up , he told me the same thing.
alexandria rae galvan says:
just got dumped yesterday ! Used his family problems as a clutch as to why he wasn’t talking to me…. come to find out he has been on several dating sites messages girls trying to hook up even on our anniversary he couldn’t see me because his family was fighting but was asking girls to hook up! when i gave him everything !
Phil says:
Don’t talk to him atleast for 6 months and make sure you have someone new when you do. As a guy, an ex who completely blocks me out makes me furious. This is what you should do.
ellaheart says:
i had a bkyfriend fir almost 8 years,weve been inlove,henput atto all over his body to make proove that he loves me,but actually he is a married guy,he told me that he was force to marry a girl choosen by his parent..it a arrange marriage,he said he never feel love of his wife until i czme..but after 8 years of being in a long distance relationship,he change,i dont knoe if they are ok now to his wife but stil he keep saying he loves me but many times i caught them on a couson picture wedding that they are totally sweet..pls help me what to do
Maria says:
I know how you feel. I’ve been with my ex for 8 years long distance as well, shortly after I found out that he has been cheating on me for 2 years with this girl. It broke my heart and now they are engaged as if I never existed in his life or even made an impact. Like your bf he changed without me realizing it, at the end he chose her not me. He told me he loved me many times but I never truly believed him it was best for me to get out of that relationship he didnt put any effort in when we were together I was always the one doing everything eventually I left. It hurt a couple of days but I never felt better in my entire life I feel like I could breathe again as if a weight was lifted of my shoulders. I will always remember the good times we’ve had but at the end regardless if you would want to accept it, people change and they forget to take the ones they love the most with them. I was left behind but I hope at the end he comes to his senses and chooses you.
Smak says:
I went through my boyfriend’s phone who is a married man texting multiple girls, 7 or 10 some texts were intimate and others were just flirting. There are 2 girls in those chats where he promised me that he blocked them but he’s still texting them, I love him but I am afraid that he might be having sex with these multiple girls and he doesn’t use a condom at all!!!!!he says its just flirting and that he loves me and me alone, I know he’s married and I shouldn’t be complaining as I am also contributing to the wife’s hurt, but it NEVER feels like hes married….I am not hurt by these different women mpre like scared that I might get HIV because he hardly uses a condom and they are too many, please help me!!!
A says:
I met my boyfriend in 2014. He cheated on me with his ex and I forgave him. That same year he went on a boys trip to DR and cheated on me with several women there and, I forgave him again.
Five years and a two year old later I find out he has cheated on me AGAIN with multiple people. Less than 5 months ago.
I am now lost with no sense of what to do. I love him and I hate him. Whyyyyyy
Sher says:
❤️❤️❤️
daisy amadi says:
I love but u did not love me love is good
sowo says:
one word: Bye.
Filledwithregret says:
To all the women that are going through this without a child in the relationship…GET OUT ASAP. My boyfriend and baby daddy was messaging and texting his his exes and multiple other women when our baby had already been born. He would often say he wanted to have threesomes with other women, do hard drugs, hangout with his guy friends and force me to stay at home….another pattern of a cheater is that they’re very controlling. My boyfriend had no job and had me used my credit card and ebt for everything. He also was verbally abusive and physically abusive. I really loved him and wanted to make it work for our family and baby, hoping that we would one day look back at everything and laugh..But it just got worse and worse. Women, it only gets worse and worse. I didn’t believe it at first but it really does. Oh, and these guys are LIARS too. And will say what you want to hear and do what they say they wouldn’t do are would never do. I’m not saying that someone should only stay in a relationship for kids, but if you are just married or in a serious relationship, just leave and break it off before it becomes too complicated! You can do so much better. The pain and worry over a cheating, selfish, loser partner is not worth it and it does not get better except for 0.000001% of the time and believe me, I really hoped and tried. You deserve to be with someone that treats you like a queen and gives you the respect and love that you deserve. Live your life and forget about him, have fun. You will not regret leaving him without a doubt. Everyone who I know that has had a cheating partner/ someone physically/emotionally abusive and chose to leave them, is a thousand times happier and sooo glad that they left. Trust and believe you will be too!! Any woman that has kids and is going through what you’re going through would DIE to be in your position….
sowo says:
agree 100%. get out. just leave. plenty of fish. nobody is worth that.
RockyRiver says:
I had been with my ex for about 3 years before I one day I went over to his place, saw a condom wrapper in the trash can, Stella Rosa in the refrigerator (he doesn’t drink) and tissues with lipstick on them in the bathroom. He had cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend and I was devastated. We broke up, but I decided to give him another chance and work things out under a few conditions. He had supposedly cut ties with her, blocked her number (when he did this, she started blowing me up on Facebook messages), changed his number and we were supposed to go to therapy.
That was almost 2 years ago. The day before yesterday, I found out he had driven about 50 miles away from where he lives, in the pouring rain to take some girl out on a date. I found out he did this on the day that I had gone out of town to my uncle’s funeral. I don’t know who he went with, since when I confronted him he refused to say a name he just said “You don’t know her”. Yeah, no ****!
I broke up with him and I am COMPLETELY done with him. He is truly a piece of **** and I’m angry that I wasted 5 years of my life with him. I should not have given him a second chance. I would have wasted way less time if I had left him 2 years ago after the first time he cheated. Part of me feels relieved and like a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders because for the past few months or so, I’ve really been noticing how much of a negative energy he has and a negative attitude that was really affecting how I felt. If I look back on the past 2 years, he really did not make much of an effort to repair my trust. We never went to therapy, he did change his number but he never addressed the underlying issue which was restoring trust.
A few months back he adopted a really cute English bulldog puppy and I would say I’m WAY more upset about the fact that I don’t get to see the dog anymore than I am about not seeing him. =(
Stuck and confused says:
I have been cheated on twice now once with my ex husband who cheated with someone we work with, he lied so much, would leave me at home with his daughter and take days off from work without telling me. I ended that as soon as I found out and had all the evidence and I was so much happier once that was over.
I met my current ex and soon to be baby daddy 3 years after being divorced and we hit it off so fast and we’re in separable the first year was so great and then problems would come about and it felt like we were breaking up and getting back together every month, I was so in love with him and fought so hard for us and I thought we were doing better till recently I found a girl hearting his pics on Facebook so of course being curious I look at her page and there it all was pics of her at his families ranch, pics of her picking him up from work, them in her car, pics from this last Christmas where he had just spent Christmas Eve with me and my family but he was with her on Christmas Day, pics at places I was supposed to be at with him but he would tell me he wasn’t going anymore. All these lies for months since August apparently and we didn’t offically break up till New Years this year. Of course he denied at first then the real him came out blaming me, but yet here I was all these months still helping him out with money and rides cuz the past almost 2 years he hadn’t worked. I can’t forgive him those pictures just keep playing in my head and how stupid he made me look for so long but I trying to be civil with him since our baby will be here in a few months, I’m not gonna lie I love him and I want to be a family but I know we can’t cuz he has completely lost my trust as much as I try to put it behind me I just can’t. So I don’t know what to do or feel at this point cuz I can’t just walk away like I did last time.
Wolf says:
I found out my boyfriend Cheated on me in October from rumors. I looked through his phone and found the messages the rumors were true. He wants me to forgive him but I have been cheated on before and he wants to get jealous when i hang with a guy but told me not to worry when he hangs with a girl. I want to forgive him but Im just so hurt. He has been hidding this from me for months. I found out on Valentine’s day too. I dont know what to do I am just so hurt. I dont know if he still talks to her or works with her.
C. Eileen says:
My husband and I have been together since I was 15. We married at 22 which was stupid, we were way too young. He is a musician and sings in 2 different bands. After we had a couple of kids I wasn’t able to get out to his shows anymore. I got a call from an anonymous chick telling me he was cheating on me with some woman and sure enough found her number in his phone. He swore to God she was just a hair stylist who was going to cut his hair for him, but I knew he lied. So I got pregnant with baby number 3 to make him stop. I almost left him and never let him see his daughter and wish I had the guts to go through with leaving him. Fast forward 17 years later and I think life is going great. I was diagnosed with cancer 7 years before and beat it! I was fulfilling my career dreams by getting my bachelor’s degree and got into an amazing competitive grad school. We talked it all through first. I would be extremely busy commuting to NYC every day, the workload would eat up all my free time, he would need to help out a lot more at home. He agreed to everything. 7 months into school I catch him cheating on me again with another groupie bar chick. His excuse was he needed an ego boost because I was too busy with school work! This one is a secretary. You’re going to give up an educated speech language pathologist for another bimbo? Bye! Go live with your mama little man because I’m done. Now he’s begging to get me back and says I’m destroying our family and our kids? I realize that he’s just the same immature kid as when we first started dating. I’m raising your 3 kids, I’m not raising you too. He thinks we’re working it out. After I graduate and get my first job, I’m packing my things and leaving a note. My close friends may think I’m stupid for staying (no sex, separate beds, and no more bands!), but I’m using him to pay my bills while I’m in school. Once I’m done, I’m dropping him like a bad habit. Cheaters don’t change. Everyone thinks I’m married to the greatest guy in the whole world, because I’ve hidden what he’s done from almost everybody. No, I’m just saving it all up for when I leave his sorry a**! Nobody deserves a cheat! do what you need to do to get yourself together and move on!
Lama says:
My boyfriend cheated on me and post himself on dating apps as a single i catches him more than five times chatting with women and flirting he keep apologizing each time at the beginning I use to forgive him but now I feel I’m so hurt
sowo says:
Gurl. get out now.
Rele says:
My boyfriend has been cheating on me … He lied by saying she’s part of his family well you know one of those aunt’s daughter , I fell for it and moved on… I later asked for his phone to capture a photo that when I noticed their romantic night dates , funny enough he said he had no reason to cheat but he did… And he isn’t even sorry he cheated
Marisol says:
Hi my bf walked away in dec 2017 we got back in March 2018 walked away Oct 2018 I had dreams and feelings even went to a physic and she told me until 3 days ago I see on ig he never deleted but just stopped talking this girl added him and posted a pic of her pregnancy shes way younger. And last night I confirmed my sis seen the evidence he cheated on me for 1 yr he got std from messing around now this girl has it too and he infected me. Last night I went over to his house to confront him. I feel more stronger than anything bcz I know well hes not happy over a mistake he did we had almost 6 yrs together. And from last night he wanted to cry
Phoenix says:
Once they manipulate you they will manipulate you again. Dont be afraid to talk to other people for advice and support. It is hard to leave someone you have loved unconditionally and invested so much time in, but your future time is SO MUCH MORE VALUABLE!! It is important to process all of your emotions then move forward. Because he doesnt even deserve for you to think about how much you hate him. If he is a lier, breaks your trust and loses all your respect, what positive role could he possibly play in your life? The upside of being completely broken is that you can rebuild yourself how ever you want. Love yourself first ladies. Im saying these things to reaffirm myself and hopefully some of you can relate. The moment that they take actions with intent of infidelity emotionally, physically, one night or for years, they prove that they can push you out of their mind. And at that point you don’t owe him a DAMN THING!
C says:
Thank you. That was actually really helpful. I am completely broken right now and you have given me something to think about.
Heartbroken girl says:
I found out I was cheated on just today. I was out of town this weekend and my boyfriend brought a girl in my condominium. He pretended to the girl it was his condominium. To make the situation worst, he only met the girl on an online dating app who he talked to for hours before bringing it in my condominium
hiiii says:
ok so i’m 16 and ik i don’t know what “true love” is. and i haven’t been in a serious relationship yet. So, I been with my boyfriend since November 19, 2018. And last Tuesday we made three months,he was suspended from school and he’s pretty stupid so my best friend got his password to his snap so we logged in… and well he’s cheating on me with two of his ex girlfriends and this girl i have beef with(not to mention the girl i have beef with is his bro EX GIRLFRIEND that he cheated on my best friend with). Like I said he’s pretty stupid and doesn’t know that ik he’s cheating on me. He tried to get with me back in September but I never seen him as a boyfriend so I just blew him off. Well, my school went to playoffs for football and I went with my little sister and ofc he was there. And it was really cold so I had brought my blanket and he came and sat in between my legs and we covered up together. I began playing with his hair. And after going to a couple of playoff games with him I began catching feelings. We texted about all this and he SWORE TO GOD he changed for me and he doesn’t cheat anymore. And not to mention he had a girlfriend while I was playing with his hair and didn’t tell me anything. Most boys would’ve been like “look i have a girlfriend and I don’t think she would like you playing with my hair.” But he didn’t he just letting me play with it. My boyfriend now also doesn’t accept the fact that I’m not ready for you know. And no girl should ever have to feel forced. BUT LITTLE DO YOU KNOW, Once a CHEATER always a CHEATER. I never been cheated on before. and I don’t really know what to do. However, I really do miss my ex boyfriend he meant a lot to me and all my friends are telling me to give him another chance.
Kay says:
Do not give him another chance. He already is displaying that he is not gonna change and doesn’t want to commit to just one person. Don’t listen to your friends, try listening to your instincts and make the decision total your best for you.
Brandi says:
Girl don’t do it.red flags e everywhere. Try to focus on yourself and school I know it seems hard but that’s the best thing you could do . He is a looser and will do this to you or whoever he gets with again . Not worth it , break up and move on .the first weeks are going to be the hardest but watch funny videos, drink warm tea and maybe snuggle with an animal when you get down. I hope your friends realize he’s a piece of shit
Jeremy says:
Having an affair is wrong when you both agreed on an exclusive relationship or marriage. Unless it is an open relationship or marriage. I would rather end the relationship or marriage if i promised to be loyal, than have an affair with someone else. It is a huge betrayal, and it is heart breaking when the other partner finds out.
I have a friend who was on the verge of cheating on her partner, her reasons were that, he doesn’t tell her she is beautiful anymore, he never compliments her, does not buy her gifts, he doesn’t even know her proper shoe size. Then she met a man at the airport who told her she was gorgeous, then she forgets about her 12 years marriage and three children. And wanted to actually go on a date with the man. She said, he understands her the way her husband does not, he makes her smile and brings some sparks in her life. He finds her attractive, her husband doesn’t .
I advised her, do not go on any date with this man, it might start out like an innocent conversation, the gradually it begins to get personal and then you begin to think of this person in a way you should not. You made a vow to stay faithful in your marriage, instead i rather you talk to your husband about how you feel. He may not be doing it on purpose. If you do this, it doesn’t end in one date, before you know it, you become physically or romantically attached to this person while you are bound to another. Affairs causes more damage in ways one doesn’t realize.
If you don’t find fulfillment in your relationship, discuss it with your partner, unless it is an open relationship then you will not be betraying your partner. People who have affairs claim it just happened. i do not agree with that, affairs do not just happen. An affair is a choice , there is a threshold line in monogamous relationships and you choose to cross it. It is a bad idea to have an affair in an exclusive relationship because there is betrayal of the primary relationship, there is lying, covering your tracks and there is also worry (Will she/he find out?)What will people think when i am caught? when you have an affair, you are choosing to be out of integrity with yourself. If you think its a good thing, why do it in secrecy? If your relationship is awful, you either work to change it or leave it, you don’t have to hurt the other person by having an affair.
Mir says:
So when my boyfriend and I started dating I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew that he was a cheater but I cared about him and I wanted to be the one to finally change him. On our fourth month anniversary I found out that he had tried to kiss my best friends friend. My friends friend called me and told me what happened and said that she was sorry. According to her and my best friend my boyfriend told her that he was single and was lookinf for a girlfriend. I didn’t tell him that I knew because I was scared. A few days later he broke up with me because he said “What’s the point of dating someone when you hardly see each other?” I actually saw him everyday but he never talked to me.
Recently, me being dumb I am I got back together with him. I found out few days ago that my boyfriend tried to kiss my best friend, he’s also dating another girl, and he also kissed the same girl from before. I haven’t broken up with him just yet because I’m scared again but I know that I have to.
My friends kept suggesting that I play him and that I get revenge on him. Even if my boyfriend did heart me and break my heart I don’t want to hurt him back. I don’t want to get revenge on. My friends keep telling me that he will always be a cheater and that he doesn’t have a heart but I disagree. I know that he will change someday somehow he just needs the right person to push him onto the right path. He just needs the right person to open up his heart and see that maybe things aren’t so bad. When we were little were different than we are now we have changed. Who says we can’t change again? Everyone can change even the dirtiest of cheaters. My friends keep telling me that I’m too nice for my own good and I agree but it’s not something that i can’t stop.
Ana says:
I being through alot with my husband we have 9 years of married we have 2 kids together he cheated on me and had a little baby with someone else i am a christian girl and i pray and pray for him to change that everything in the past i would let it go but i can it still hurts and when he sees his little girl it hurts me i dont know what to do
Zk says:
It’s 01:58 am right now.
About two hours ago all my worries and concerns turned out to be right. He cheated on me.
He had been texting me very little (we live about 1 1/2 hours away and have both a very busy schedule so we couldn’t see each other more tja maximum twice a week) and when I asked him why that we talk so little he told me he didn’t like texting. He has a bunch of internet friends whom he has kept in contact with for years so I didn’t buy the “I don’t like it” excuse but I took it as it is and even apologized for keeping him up. The way he was messaging me was just cold and even rude. I felt bad until he wrote “love you❤️). We rarely used emojis so seeing the heart warmed my heart but I never liked that he just wrote “love you” and I always replied with “I love you”.
Last night, he said he was going out with a friend of his that I know to play chess at the park. We didn’t talk much just like usually and our last messages were “love you” “I love you too” before at midnight that he broke up with me because “he needs to find himself” and “he doesn’t want to hurt the people he cares about anymore”. He then confessed to meeting the girl that he had made out with twice during a little break we had just about two weeks prior. Mind that, yesterday when he was out I talked to my best friend about these concerns I had. He keeps going out and coming home late. I was worried that he was hiding something from me and I happened to guess the exact scenario.
How did I know? He had never liked it when I touched his phone but after already having lost some trust I had in him after the making out incident, I was even more cautious. Whenever he got up, he made sure to take his phone with him. He was texting also someone but he locked his phone the moment I approached him, but trying to make it seem natural. (I still noticed.) The one time he didn’t take his phone with him I considered looking through it but I decided not to stoop down to that level. (Now I wish I had.)
I also noticed his paranoia. He was so anxious about me finding out. When I simply texted him “hope all is well” he replied in such a stressed manner that I immediately thought something was off.
I wish I hadn’t been right. I wish I was being the paranoid one. The part that hurts the most about getting betrayed like this is that you now know you shouldn’t be with the person all of a sudden when your heart is still so used to loving them.
I could go on about this whole thing. The wounds are still fresh but I now know that I made a mistake by trusting a cheating liar, who to the very last second tried to deceive me.
I’m great. I’m smart. I’m pretty. And I deserve better. I’ve only ever given love, respect, honesty, patience and so much care to people. I deserve to be treated that way as well so from now on, I will treat myself that way.
People will always be around but they come and go. They might influence my happiness but in the end I only have myself and that person is amazing. So I’m going to love her and treat her right. I’m going to protect her. I need no one but myself. If some gentleman cares to come around some day so be it but I’m happy with myself.
Becca Talbot says:
Interesting view and summary. I myself have never cheated, though have been cheated on many times. I can’t bring myself to do it – for the simple reason that I don’t want it done to me. If someone were to cheat on me, that would be the end of our relationship x
Dan says:
Lots of people say that though my friend. Actually… everyone, including myself.But ya know why I would tend to believe you’re more credible than most?
Polygamy is just a natural part of the animal kingdom, correct? Ahhh, but now we’re right at the crux of things already…
So it seems conceivable that monogamy could positively correlate with an individual’s deviation from “animal”. Wouldn’t you agree expanded? Lets check, shall we?
First we need to know what distinguishes humans from all other animals? Well that’s easy, it’s cognitive power. This allows many different variables which dampen one’s propensity for cheating. Variables such as empathy, morality, etc… All looking good to you?
So, the moral of the story is that droves of scientific evidence, and the current scientific consensus, is that the more intelligent a person is the less likely that are to cheat.
So people who cheat are primitive animals who lack intelligence.
Cheers
Andrew J. says:
How to make the pain stop after a break up? Can’t eat or sleep, I feel depressed. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?
healthfrom says:
Thank you for sharing
Ani says:
Well he cheated cuz we had a long distance relationship after 2 years it hurts so bad there is a hole in my heart silly that i still want him
Simran says:
Same happened with me few hours ago😔
Behealthis says:
I was feeling completely overwhelmed. I had no one to talk to because not a lot of people knew what was going on in my life. I spoke about the issues I was having for the first time in four years. I had never been able to do that before. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and it gave me the boost I needed to feel hopeful again. -Jessica
Christina says:
Is it worth it?
APKun says:
I was in a horrific accident directly following me confronting my husband about his FB account and how ! Was put in a category all by myself. he left and I was upset enough to go after him to continue the discussion. While in the hospital he cheated on me. 3 yrs. Later he wants to reconcile. But we both after the accident have been battling with drug addiction. He has been in and out of jail. I don’t know what to do!! I’m finally clean and sober. But I’m affraid that we will go back to our bad habits together! What should I do?
Harmony says:
My bf lied to me nd was dating my niece, i spoke to him several time bt he will tell me shes d 1 after him nd jst like
em says:
I found out that I was cheated on a couple days ago when my boyfriend of 2 and a half years dumped me for another girl. I never saw it coming. 3 days ago, I was at his house and we seemed perfect, like always. I work at a small restaurant, and here’s the icing on the cake: he works there too, and so does she. We are all full-time so I’ll have to work with them almost 5 days out of every week. The same day we broke up, he went and hung out with her. This is the most pain I have ever experienced and it’s really been horrible. I’ve been staring at articles like this one all day 🙁
Leenu says:
I was in a relationship for 5 years and he cheated on me for one whole year with multiple girls and women. We would meet over the weekends and during the weekdays he would bring in these other women. Weeknights our with them after talking to me over the phone. We followed a schedule and he took advantage of it. 5 years have been wasted. And he is in his 50s, i in my 40s. What am i going to do? I am feeling dead inside. I feel bitter, betrayed, played because i trusted him. Never questioned him, never checked his phone. Trusted him blindly because i thought that’s what love was about, love is trust. Everything is over. My friends tell me to give out time to get over it but I am afraid i have changed as a person. I have become a bad version of myself.
Reeeeees says:
Thank you for this article it made me feel better ❤ lots of love!
thehopeline says:
Thank you for your kind words! We are happy to hear it helped. If you need anything else, we are here to listen. This topic page on cheating https://www.thehopeline.com/topics/cheating/ is full of articles, podcasts, free eBooks, videos and more to further help.
Mimy George says:
This is just the best message, stumbled at it at the right time.
Honestly, dealing with cheats can be so tiring 😭😭😭😭. I’m honestly tired if loving, because I love wholeheartedly.. but men will always be men.
I really hope I find one who will love me genuinely without making me go through a heart break 💔 again 😭💔 again 😭💔
So says:
I am a man and i’ve been cheated 2 times already. Now i am wondering if i want to start ever a newrelation. Shall i say that women are women ? I don’t think will help..
Susette Walp says:
Hi my name is Susette and im deaf person . my boyfriend still block me by facebook ,facebook message plus video,myspace, twitter, and more for email . he text, message to alot of woman and naked body from alot of woman . he is cheat and hide from me . im real cry and feel hurt .. But he did erase all of everything.
Babes says:
I love my boyfriend so much..but he is cheating,and he even let me know about it..I don’t want to lose him..what can I do to get him back?
Amie says:
I have been with my boyfiend for just over a year….. we have an amazing time together but he can be moody sometimes and make me feel like its my fault…. i started getting suspicious as he is always on his phone and will go off whatever he was on if i am around…. he takes it to the bathroom with him even if he is having a wee and i know people do that but I noticed that it always showed as him being online on Facebook when he did this… so naturally I questioned him…. he made me think i was crazy and told me that we won’t work if i don’t trust him…. so i let it go and apologised for being so paranoid….. 7 months pass and I had forgotten this thought we were going really well and then something i dont know what but let’s call it my gut, was telling me something was off. Three days pass with me feeling like this and I dodnt dare say anything after last time so I did a bad thing….. i looked at his phone….. i saw that he had been messaging three women for at least 7 months….. asking to meet, saying that they know how he feels about them…… i didn’t read much i just saw that and i felt sick to my stomach…… this guy has been telling me i am crazy….. he told me that he has had a really bad break up about 4 years ago and he is damaged…. he says he loves me and would never have met them he just needed to feel like someone else wanted him……. i don’t get it and don’t know what to do…….. he swears he will change but how can I believe this….. how can I believe a thing that comes out of his mouth because even I confronted him about the messages he lied right to my face and swore on his sons life that he had nothing to hide….. please help….. im so broken….
Anne says:
Poor thing. Dumb him, there are no excuses for that. Be happy that you’re outta these relationships as they would never be good with a man like that.
So says:
I’m a man, unfortunately, I know some guys with the same behavior pattern. To be honest, they never change. After getting back to their partners, are doing the same crappy things. Leave him. You will find somebody better.
Andrea says:
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 5 years. There seemingly was no indication that anything was wrong and were planning our life together. Then I discovered he was cheating with a woman from work. When I confronted him he dumped me and told me he’d been lying to me for at least a year and never had any intention in making a commitment with me. On top of that he’s a consultant and I worked for him. His new girlfriend asked him to fire me and made sure she was with him so she could hear him do it. I don’t know how people can be so incredibly cruel and mean to someone they supposedly loved.
Karen says:
So last year ibhad a really bad breakup. My college boyfriend left me when he got a job. I was and I’m still jobless. When he was called for interviews, he asked me to pray for him and I did. I even asked my mom to help us pray.
The following week, he got the job and was to report in a Monday. On Sunday, he just stopped picking my calls or replying to my texts. This was the man that told me if he got the job, we would make our dreams come true and I believed him. I was hurt and a week later he called to tell me he was quiet on me cz he needed some space. I felt really used, cz through out college, I stood by him and he was abandoning me after getting a job.
So I decided to move on.. after a month of moving in, he called me to tell me I shouldn’t wait for him cz we weren’t working. I said okay but then I felt so bad, I pleaded with him. I wanted him back but he didn’t want me. So he left And by God’s grace I found peace. I started sleeping through the night without waking up at 3am hurting.
I was happy being alone but it didn’t last long.. it was two months later then I found this guy. He was sweet and we became close for three months before we slept together. He was really patient and kind and I wanted someone kind so that when I was hurting they cud understand.. we had our six month anniversary on the first of June and so on the 4th,I visited his place and we were happy.. until he received a call and he acted really weird, so I asked him about it and he told me it was a friend. But I asked why he was being weird, he said it was his friends girlfriend. As we were going back to my place, I asked him to call her and talk to her nicely, then he refused. He left the phone with me and tge girls l called. She was surprised that I answered the call, it was his other girlfriend. They have been together for five years and she told me he’s been cheating repeatedly. Im hurt 😭😭😭
Micky says:
I am currently in a relationship where I unfortunately cheated on my boyfriend to get back at him after finding out that he said that his best friend could have sex with me. I felt so used and stupid. We split up for a couple of weeks and then he called me asking me to come see him. I went and I apologized for the infidelity and he forgave me. We started to fix our relationship again and more drama followed I lost my job, was kidnapped by family who refused to take me home or listen to me. My boyfriend panicked and went looking for me. We were kicked out the house and we had to figure everything out and moved in to stay with him and his gran. I started to feel like something was bothering me, he never left his phone alone, always had to go to work for 2-3hrs.. he became more secretive and I just had this gut feeling like he was cheating. He carries on like everything between us is good, sometimes we are great other times not so much. I decided to do something wrong and that was snoop through his phone when he was sleeping. I started with the usual App WhatsApp and I found 4 chats with different women. One women was in her 40s he admitted that he found her very attractive and hoped to see her often. The other 3 were between the age of 22 to 35, they were flirting and sharing nudes. And they have been taken recently in our bedroom bathroom
in the new house we and his gran moved into. While I was sleeping. And he has been talking to them through out our whole relationship. I suspect he has even actually slept with them. I checked his other social Media apps and it came up more or less the same. One of the ladies I assume is a escort because they were negotiating prices for her nude photos, videos and actually meet up. But he has a different story for each of them to why he couldn’t meet up… obviously I was wake and with him. Makes me so angry that it was happening right next to me, I feel so dirty thinking about the possibility that he had sex with them and came home to have sex with me, saying that he loves me more than life and he can’t wait to marry me etc… I confronted him obviously asking if he was talking to other women or send nudes to other women literally
admitting to snooping, he got defensive and denied everything. But I got my proof that I was right about the gut feelings I had each time he ‘went to work’… only one minor problem is… I am pregnant with his baby and I know very well he doesn’t want him children growing up like he did.
So I don’t know what I am going to do, but I honestly know for a fact that I will catch him in the act again soon. I stood by him for so long and had his back, we were supposed to be a team… but now he has literally broken heart and my trust.
I need advice on what to do?
Me says:
Gaslighting at its finest.
Just happened to me; hard to grasp a human can be so manipulating, mean, and insensitive. Always go with your gut….and don’t let anyone let make uou think you are crazy. Shame on him! Be your best always; that’s what you were taught, and what God wants. Good luck. 🙏🏼
Me says:
Thank fir your input.