How to Get Free From Love Addiction

I believe I’m a love addict but don’t know what to do about it. I’m in this relationship that hurts but I can’t break free. The woman I’m involved with it’s compassionate or affectionate. Only when it’s time for sex does she open up to me. Most of the time its me begging for attention and I hate myself for appearing so weak and needy especially since I’m a guy. She’s started lieing about when she has to work and I think it’s because she gets tired of being around me and my unquenchable thurst for attention. I just don’t know what to do and it’s killing me.I honestly believe that if I were in my right mind I would have stayed broken up with her and moved on.But I can’t let go of the longing to have her in my life. I’m lieing in bed now beside her while she sleeps and even though she doesn’t feel good physically all I can think of is how to wake her up and get her to hold me and be kind

Hi, I am completely overwhelmed because I recently had a therapy session where my therapist suggested that I am a love addict. I realize my behavior to go in and out of relationships increased after I was kicked out ( disfellowshipped) from being a part of the Jehovah’s Witness religion. Everyone that I once knew as my closest family and friends had nothing to do with me because I chose to live my life differently. With that being said I constantly yearned for “true love” and to start a family of my own. Most of my 20s have been spent in unfulfilling relationships lasting no more than 9 months to 1 year only for me to jump right into another hoping for it to turn into marriage with kids, a house, etc etc… Now I am 31 years old and have found myself in love with a man who’s belief system centers around Polyfidelity (loving more than one, infinite love). People who practice Polyfidelity often enter into group marriages where everyone can have as many “lovers, wives, husbands” as they desire as long as its consensual, honest, and beneficial to the entire family. He is an amazing man and probably the most incredible love I’ve ever experienced BUT I am terrified at being a part of a poly family and what that will mean for me. I knowingly entered into this relationship with the understanding of what he wanted his family to be and now i feel guilty, depressed, anxious, angry, and afraid… In my heart I know that I want a monogamous marriage but the fear and anxiety of letting go seems greater and greater each day. This is certainly not the “norm” and I realize that my addiction to love may have lead me to this path. Our connection and love for each other is unreal but the way we view raising a family is the deal breaker. My biggest fear is that I’m ruining my life by wanting love and family of my own so bad… to the point that I ignore what I ultimately want in my heart. Has anyone else ignored such a HUGE red flag? Am I the only one? I’m open to any helpful suggestions from this blog. Thank you so much!

Very interesting.
I’ve just been reading a lot about love addiction because I’m currently experiencing intense feelings of abandonment and rejection due to an ex who I’m still friends with who rarely answers or replies to my calls, messages, or emails.
This has been the same pattern that occurred even when we were an item, and she says she loves receiving my messages, but for some reason I can’t understand, she just rarely replies to them…..whatever is going on for her means she just isn’t the sort of person who responds to messages much.
So given that truth you’d reckon I could accept that she cannot and will not be able to meet my need to receive replies to a message or phone call (I don’t expect it instantly or even all the time, just more often than not).
Usually I’m not needy in relationships or sending lots of messages but something about her avoidant behaviour triggers deep fear within me.
I start thinking about what else she might be doing or that she must be having flirty chats with other men……..none of which is based on any actual information.
I know my thinking is crazy around this stuff but no matter what I do it just seems to continue, and all the while I feel scared.
I’m in recovery from alcohol addiction so possibly I’ve used alcohol to mask these feelings before, and I also know I’ve got with partners before who were obsessively addicted to me – this helped me feel ok, but then I think they felt abandoned when I displayed avoidant behaviour.
Wow! Now I know how they felt!
In my case I think it came from being the first child of three, who was initially given huge love and affection but then after brothers came along (when I was 2 and 3 and a half) I was pretty much seen as simply another part of the logistical nightmare of life…..so though physically safe, fed, sent to school etc, I was in many ways mostly invisible unless I was causing logistical problems by being sick or naughty, or I was very very good at something. Naturally I suppose poor little me had no understanding of why I was not getting any love or affection when it had been part of me for my first two years. Now I often feel empty and at fifty years of age recognise I’ve always fantasised about “perfect” love that would make me feel ok.
Even the recognition that perfect love is not possible is a very painful thought to cope with.
I’ve written myself affirmations and prayer – basically that acknowledge myself to be whole and complete, a part of the universe, and connected with it. Then I go on to ask that I can be freed from the fear and to accept, tolerate, and love others. For me to be shown a path of kindness and humility that will allow me to be of use in some way.
So saying this does seem to calm me – at the very least the exercise of repeating it takes my focus off the object of my love addiction and back onto my value and place in life.
Maybe not a complete or perfect solution but it’s a start. I so would like to grow to be emotionally self-sufficient and to feel whole without a partner so that I can one day develop a healthy relationship with a self-sufficient other, and I do believe that if I don’t change this then such a future will be hard to find.
Thanks for reading. Just writing this has given me a little relief. Good wishes to all who are living in the pain of love addiction.
Paul

I have been independent all my life. I married at 19, left at 30, had a 5-year relationship with a beautiful man. Our lifestyles were too different and he never ‘claimed me’ so the relationship ended. Now, 35 plus years later, I am 72, he has come back into my life and for 3 months we have seen each other weekly, sometimes more often. My emotions have become more intense each week. I am sad when I am with him and sad when I am alone. I am experiencing the pain of when we are no longer together and cannot shake those thoughts. I know he can’t fill this need of mine but I am confused by it. I have never felt such intense need for a man. I have dated casually, considered multiple proposals from good men, but sometimes go more than a decade alone and never crave love or sex or even much think about it. But this one man has turned me into some sort of sex or love addict. I can’t get enough of him. I feel empty when I am with him and when I am not. I know I will scare him off because I can’t stuff my feelings and he is helpless to ‘help’ me. There is nothing he can do to help. There is nothing I seem to be able to do to snap myself out of this and get back to my normal self, i.e. one who is happy alone, one who can be with a man or not, one who can date without emotions getting in the way. I hate to use medication to dull my feelings because they mean everything to me in a way. Without the intensity he would be like every other man I have ever been with. In our first 5 years, I was clearly in charge of my life, enjoying my time alone and together. I’ve always considered him to be the one good friend I’ve had, the one who opened me up to the power and importance of the male/female relationship. Now together again, it is very different for me. I think I have some sort of intimacy disorder that I am trying to understand and manage for myself. I am slowly becoming very concerned that in spite of him being my perfect lover, companion, confidant, friend, that he is toxic for me and that thought creates overwhelming fear that I am powerless to prevent a bad outcome. Most days I don’t recognize myself unless I am distracted with work or activities of daily living. If I were to be alone again I don’t think that would solve my problem, but might even create more of an internal struggle.

Am feeling dat am getting addicted to my love nt Jst addicted more addicted den drugs I cn wait whole day to see hr one msg Evn Wen she is nt online I wait dnt kno am I gttng mad or wat am nt understanding