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Why Do People Cut Themselves?

There is so much confusion around the addiction of cutting. It’s hard for some people to understand why you, or someone you know, would repeatedly harm themselves on purpose.  I want to break through the confusion and help those who practice cutting as a way of life. I’ve heard a lot of people say, why would anyone do such a thing as purposely cause pain to their bodies? So, let’s begin to uncover the reasons why so many people cut themselves.

Most People Cut to Cover an Even Deeper Emotional Pain

As I have talked with hundreds of people that self-harm, one major reason emerges over and over again: Most people cut themselves to try to cope with an even deeper emotional pain. If you or anybody you know is cutting, please understand cutting is a way of covering something much deeper and painful going on inside.

Cover Self-Hate

An anonymous blogger put it this way: I used to cut because I felt like it was the only way to feel something other than the hurt and confusion and self-hate that was driving me insane. I would cut because I hated myself so much that I wanted to tear myself to pieces.

Cover Past Trauma

Most cutters’ ability to cope with life is overwhelmed by powerful emotions or extreme pressure that seem too intense to bear. Jenessa said she’s been a cutter for 7 years. I was sexually abused by someone very close to me. I started cutting because I always thought that what happened was my fault. I have never gotten over it, so I used to cope with any problem I had by cutting. Taking it out on myself was so much easier than figuring out what to do emotionally.

Can’t Express Emotional Pain

When these emotions aren’t dealt with, tension builds up. Cutting can feel like a release of this tension. Rachel said cutting is a way for her to deal with her pain: It’s an escape from reality. No matter how temporary it is it’s a relief to escape all the pain.

Most cutters struggle to express their pain to others. Without the words or outlet to express their emotional pain, they give into a short cut, a destructive physical expression toward themself. Laken said cutting is her first reaction when she feels disappointment or difficulty. When I fail a test, when I get in a fight, when I am called a mean name, or when anything bad happens the first thought is to cut. It is horrible and I always fall back on it.

The physical pain has a calming effect on her more agonizing emotional pain. Cutting is the treating of one pain with another. A cutter’s life is one of the choices between one kind of pain or a much greater one. Amy said: It feels good when you have physical pain to take away from your emotional pain.

Avoid Dealing with Deep Feelings

The problem with self-injury as with any addiction, is that by harming yourself you never really are able to confront your deepest feelings. Perhaps that is you. You are using cutting to try to cope with an even deeper emotional pain. It is hard to say no to something that feels so good. But in the end, cutting will fail you every time.

Don’t lose hope. There are healthy ways to deal with your emotions and to stop cutting for good.  Check out these helpful resources on self-harm from TheHopeLine.

If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, check out TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

  1. I cut because I feel like i deserve it and I personally like seeing massive blood!

  2. I cut because it takes the emotional pain away and leads into physical pain and honestly i can take physical pain better than emotional pain!

  3. I cut because I don’t know how else to deal with this. No one who really cares and the medicines don’t work

    • I CARE!♡♥

  4. I’m unlike most cutters according to my psychiatrist since I started at age 45. I cut for that moment of feeling in control of my pain. I was a drug user for 20 years and been clean 5 years I think I ju add the traded one for another. People in my life think I cut for attention but that us not true at all. I want to stop but I just can’t find a place for help..

    • That’s really interesting. I don’t mean to seem insensitive but I’ve never met a cutter who is not teens or 20s…

      • I’m 34 and I’ve been cutting on and off for 20 years. That’s the thing… I never got help. Those teens grow up eventually, and without help they grow into mid-30’s & 40’s cutters like us.

      • I started cutting in my early teens but started other forms of self-harm at 10. I am almost 43 and after a 26 month period cut free, I have recently relapsed with my worst ever cut. I have literally had hundreds of stitches. It may seem more prevalent in teens-early 20’s but that isn’t actually the case from the research I have done (I am a 4th year psych student). As you get older, you get better and better at hiding things.

    • I’m 45. But emotionally, I think I’m probably stuck at “16 year old girl.” Cutting makes me feel there’s a pain in my life I can control.

    • may i just say that music always makes me happy!! turning it all the way up and blocking out the world. Focusing on the words rather than the people around me or anything causing my pain.

      • I found this advice very helpful. Thank you. I found this sight while doing research about cutting and why people cut. My fourteen yr old daughter has been cutting for @ least two year’s. When I first saw the scars on her arms she and I both just cried. When I asked her why she can’t answer me. She says she don’t wanna talk about it. And im so afraid if I upset her she’s going to go cut herself. My biggest fear is one day she will take it to far and kill herself. Im so confused and scared for her. I just don’t know what to do. She and I both have strong faith n God and she’s very active n church and the youth group. So I thought of talking to r youth minister about it. I just know if she finds out I told n e one she will feel embarrassed and upset. Idk what to do. I know she don’t wanna die. She wants to go to heaven and she is a good person. And a very beautiful young lady. Why would she ever do this. Im so confused. She loves music and I think that advice will b helpful. Thank you.

        • Have you taken her to get seen? Came across this as I was researching for a paper. Cutting is a maladaptive coping mechanism for underlying negative emotions. People do not cut “because they want to”, it is a compulsion that is so strong sometimes that it is extremely difficult to avoid. Cutting helps people return to normal temporarily for a short period of time. Helps to release tension. Research Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Personality disorders usually begin in adolescence or early adulthood. Predisposing factors include Genetics, substance abuse, chronic trauma early in development, and sociocultural. Personality disorders frequently Co-Occur with Major Depression Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Alcoholism/Substance related disorder, Eating disorder or PTSD. A doctor must differentiate BPD vs Bipolar disorder, plus any other Co-Existing disorders.
          Nursing Student 🙂 Best wishes.

        • Talking to her about how you feel is what she is craving. It would let her know that if she isn’t ready to talk you are…you may not see a change …but at least somewhere down the road of growing up she will understand that yes she was hurting so deeply ..yet you respected her and let her have the room to deal. And grow into an adult. Well that’s just my thoughts..thing is something is hurts too much ,she emotionaly has pain and is
          trying to cope by useing physical pain to distract her mind ..as well as feeling in control of a direct and imediate reaction in life

        • Hi. I haven’t cut in years. Four years sober and am not a Christian however…depending on how old your daughter is I’d advise continuing ur research and then discussing it with her. I saw a doctor and got meds. Perhaps a mood stabilizer. Let her know she has to live with the scars forever. Ppl ask me all the time. Its horrible to have to explain. I’m 32 and am all scared up. Don’t let her be the same way. If she can’t talk to you then find someone she can confide in. She may be afraid of letting you down. Thanks for reading-anonymous

        • I’m 14 years old and I’m a cutter, it started when my dad left my family when I was 10…then he got into big time drugs.
          Did something happen to your daughter that was very emotionably upsetting? If so that may be the problem. But my advice is not to pressure her to tell you…honestly talking about your problems makes you feel the pain every time you talk about it, try distracting her and doing uplifting things. Its great she’s involved in church, I am too and if my pastor found out I’ve been cutting I would be mortified…maybe telling anybody besides close relatives would be upsetting and make her feel guilty like I did. Please take my advice, and I wish you and your daughter the best of luck. May God bless you, your daughter and all you hold dear.

        • My teenage son cuts and I just recently found out. I am sick about it and have shed many tears alone and with him. We are doing DBT therapy I highly recommend it. It helps you and your child learn great coping skills and statigies to help them. As a father tell someone who can pray with you and be a prayer worrior for your sweet child. She doesnt have to know that you have shared it. It just helps and through prayer God will reveal so much. In the DBT trainning as you set across the table and see the other interaction with the parents and kids… No words are needed. They know your pain and the teens know each others pain…it truly hws been one of the hardest things I have ever done!

  5. I think many older people do cut & they probable never seek out help or know who to turn tjo. SADLY

  6. I’m 18 been cutting for 6 years I cut because I feel alone and sometimes think the world would be better off

  7. You said what I’ve thought. The pain that cutting induces distracts the mind temporarily because survival of the body is innately, biologically paramount. The focus goes to the injury and away from emotional signals….at least for a time.

  8. I have problems cutting myself because it feels so good when I am stressed out to the max and don’t know what to do. Once I get to a point that I want to scream, I cut! I enjoy it so good when I feel most hurt! It feels if I have expressed all my feelings to everyone. That only last until something else hurts me.

    • i feel the same way

  9. I started cutting when I was 12 it took my pain away. From the bullies, the rude teachers. I turned sixteen and was well R. I am 23 more pain still cutting but stopped for two years before I turned 20.

  10. People cut cuz they want a deapr felling that is harios and I did that to me last night a t the age of 12

  11. I have a question for the readers. To preface, I cut for three years, and self-harmed for seven (e.g. biting, bruising skin, etc.). I am still struggling with this, and although I’m getting help… I often wonder if my problem is really that bad. I used to laugh at myself, because I have a very low pain tolerance. I cringe at the thought of cutting, and yet often feel compelled to do it. When cutting, I need two things: the sight of blood to prove I am real, and the sharp pain to momentarily erase the emotional anguish. To achieve this, no much violence against yourself is needed.
    So here is my question: is it so bad if I’m not actually hurting myself that much? When I need to, a few flicks of a razor will suffice, as the cuts hurt like hell, and heal quickly. You can easily tell people you fell on pavement or something, because it’s plausible. I just feel like since I’m not slashing my wrists or cutting REALLY DEEP, it’s not as big an issue…

    • I feel you,I was like you but like any addiction the amount you started with isn’t enough after awhile and gets worse and worse now I can’t even where short sleeves without people asking me about the scars but it just feels soooooo good compared to my life (FYI black male in my early 20’s)fairly handsome I might add but just too much pressure and just can’t relate to ANYONE.
      So don’t feel alone.

  12. I’m 54, and I cut also. The first time was back in 2006. I was married to a man that tried to control everything about me, to where I didn’t know who I was anymore. I divorced by 12/07. But I still cut now. I cut when I tried suicide for how horrible my life is and all I do is struggle. Suicide didn’t work, thank God. I do believe in God and don’t want to end up in hell. But so much bad has happened in my life since I did get divorced that I can’t deal with it emotionally anymore. So I cut because I hate myself. Way too much to go into on here. One big thing is recently losing my dad to cancer and my my to stroke. I blame myself for moving away from them in 2003 when I got married. If I wouldn’t have moved I could have helped them. So there is a lot of stuff I deal with including now being homeless just recently!

  13. Same…I’ve started cutting and it relieves everything, like finding a way to not be mad at yourself. You would probably not expect that I come from a catholic highschool but I do. Jus feel alone and upset

  14. For everybody that cuts…. I’ma try to say this the best i can. I LOVE you all.. I know people have it harder than others i can say the way i’m living…i’m not satisfied i mean who is.. I don’t cut personally so i’m sorry for not 100% understanding you all but i care about people maybe a little too much sometimes… But that’s who i am and that’s who you are.. You are not alone.. Go out make friends.. Become the person you wanted to be don’t think about just say and do sorry if i don’t make sense i think i suffer from insomnia that’s why i’m writing all this right now.. My point is everybody has something going on in their life good or bad but it doesn’t mean take out on yourself. Join boxing. Do karate something physical something aggressive or maybe look for art schools find a hobby please because i’m tired of people killing them selves we deserve to die old and happy with a family…. I feel depressed because i don’t have a gf or alot friends but i’m really friendly and outgoing. we are not so different keep your head up and please stop cutting you’re too beautiful for that. Thank you for your time if it helped . sorry if i sound dumb or don’t know what i’m talking about i’m just here to help..

    • This is so sweet. You are an amazing person for reaching out to others.

    • I started cutting when I was in 7th grade. I’m 17 now.I have major depressive disorder and I usually don’t cut myself. I usually go long periods of time when I’m fine, but when I have a big downward swing that lasts I feel like the easiest way to bring myself out of it is by showing myself exactly how much I’m putting myself through. I also known that physical pain releases chemicals in the brain that will make me feel better. Even if only for a short while

    • That was so helpful thx

      • who thinks that people cut for attenion

    • I started cutting when i was in 7th grade n now im going to be a senior next year, it all started out with me being bullied, then i got low eelf esteemed n started to hate my body I’m naturally skinny so i can’t do anything about.people always commenting on how.im skinny and that i should eat more food , i do i just can’t gain.weight i use to cut myself to prevent myself from talking about it or dealing with it then i got my first love and i was happy and stopped cutting for over a year but then he played me n used me n then he randomly threw me away and now im back where i started, cutting myself each time i think or remember the people who treate f ne like crap, i hate them all but at the same time if they were to ask me a favor i would do it because im too kind hearted

    • There’s depression of the blues. And there’s depression that meakes you want to end your live. Makes you feel hopeless, alone, self hatered and feeling like your in a black hole with no light. And words can’t even begin to say what its like. I feel as if people keep ripping pieces of my body. Every one I get close to. Now after years of this from so many have caused so much pain. I want it all to stop. The best way for me is to stay away from everyone. Im so broken and suffering. The only relief for me is to die. I want peace for my mind and body now, To leave here. Then I will rest away from this wretched world I am from. Living with mental illness takes a lot of work to try to make yourself fit into society. If you’re not of a certain criteria of a list that’s been created by the perfect domain. Youre cast from them because you’re not meeting the qualities to be in the perfect world. God forbid you’re an intervert. Those types are flawed. When you have something traumatic happen to you. You’re expected to move on with your life immediately. And if you can’t then you’re just looking for attention and the perfect ones will put judgement on you. Because everyone’s all the same to them. If you you buy your shoes at Walmart an they buy their’s at Jimmy Choo. I don’t feel like I belong. Its been terrible stuff again an again. Im tired I cant deal with life anymore. I like the pain from cutting. I dont do it often. Just over whelmed from to much grieving. To much for to long. Life shouldn’t have t be with so much pain.

      • Oh my goodness, LL, you poor thing, seriously, no one should be left alone in your situation. I would be honored to sit right down with you and hash it out – tears and all – laughter would certainly come eventually. I’m so sorry that this hand of cards has left you feeling worthless – I don’t know – but I often feel the same way. I often thought I should die at any moment – it would be better – in fact, I relished in the increased possibility of my own death. But hell. I’m still here. I don’t know. I wish we could just hang out and realize that we’re not alone. I feel so alone. The times I feel most happy are the time that folks attack me for who I am. Tears down my face. I can’t take it. I don’t have advice … other than maybe we should be friends. 😉 Until then.

        • I’m happy I’m not alone

      • I can’t agree with you more but we deserve different, I decided I would start looking into groups on this subject, get involved maybe end up making friends where we can keep each other in good spirits to keep our minds off cutting or have someone to talk to. I just got out of the hospital 3 days ago, I tried to contact 4 people before ending up there, if they knew my issue which I hide, maybe they could of been there, but I’m too embarrassed to let anyone know . My children know I cut but they don’t know how often, I am 50 years old, been cutting since my 20ties

    • Sweet words, thank you. You are so kind that you can understand without personally experiencing it. Crazy. It isn’t a single walk-of-life person that will experience this – it’s definitely not just a high-school thing – unfortunately. I am 33 years old and I just started cutting myself like a few months ago. I am PhD student at the finest school for experimental science in the world. That sounds really over-confident – but obviously, the pressure is killing me. Or … I am allowing the pressure to kill me, whatever. It is so fucked up – but I am glad that I can connect with those who suffer this level of pain … because it makes me feel that, one day, I may be able to help people out from this chaos.

      • hi, do you think that if you acknowledged that the stress or pressure you are facing is just stress and pressure that it would help in any way? I am trying to figure out how to help people who self harm and so this is apart of me trying to figure out what truly gets people to realize that they are amazing and that pressure is just an emotion they are feeling but it has nothing to do with what they are capable of or who they are. Any feedback will be helpful. Take care <3

    • I started cutting when I was 9 because of what I was going through when I was reuntied with my mom and stepdad I started again I am now 22 and still cut I try to talk to mom and she like u just want attion and then mocks me the rest of the day like oh no more peanut butter must cut myself. So how can I stop it make me want to do it more deeeper and make sure I do die. I cant talk to anybody not my mom not my step dad no one I am alone on this

      • You can always use online chats where there are people who are there to listen to what you have to say and won’t judge you so that you can get out anything you want to and have someone to listen and help. If your mom is not listening then you can also find someone through forums or maybe if you know someone who has cut and recovered or who cuts but has parents who understand maybe you can have them talk with your mom and try to make her understand. Since you are 22 I am guessing you can go to the doctor on your own. I am not sure how well this will work but maybe you can go see a doctor yourself and ask if they offer therapy without having to tell your mother that you are going to therapy. Maybe they can make it seem like you are getting academic guidance or you are seeing the doctor for some other reason. Best wishes <3

    • You are amazing! God bless you!

    • Please all remember that so much of our emotional pain are many times allowed by us when we make too much of a thing. Bad thoughts should be fought against actively. For example, before in my life I cared sooo much about appearance, and I did alot of evil things, and allowed people’s opinions to define me, but now I have realized that it is better to be more detached to people, so that my thought life says to myself: “I must not allow myself to feel bad for this other person. Why should I? Why should I allow myself to feel bad for another person? It is I who choose to allow this person to define and change my mood.” And of course, I became a Christian and received a Father in Jesus who I can talk to, which gives me the best Father to speak to. Ceasing to become vain was a defining moment for me, when I chose to stop caring about how people view the exterior, because as another also wrote, what really matters is not how you look on the exterior as this can change and will change through age, but your inner being, or soul.

    • Im sorry but that wont help me and im only ten years old

  15. I am also one of those people who cut.I did today. I don’t cut for attention. I cut because of depression, and anger. And if there is anyone out there that is wondering it’s not something that’s cool or fun, it’s very painful and may affect you in the future. I don’t enjoy it at all. I get help but nun of it works, it just makes me feel worst about myself. Please don’t end up like me and have to go to counselling everyday and have to take depression pills and more. I also used drugs and alcohol to take away the pain but that didn’t work either.( I still use them though) but the point is that you are so much better than to do self harm so read all of the comments and realize that cutting isn’t the way to go!

  16. No one wants to hear “It gets better.” And personally I don’t either. I have been cutting so I definitely get it. It’s overwhelming to deal with all of the judgment and misconceptions about it. You feel like nobody understands and no one wants to be there for you. The truth is most people just don’t know how to deal with it. They don’t want to upset you or make it worse. Sometimes the best thing friends/family can do when they know you are cutting is just be there for you! Maybe telling them that would put them at ease and make them feel more comfortable about dealing with it. I have depression (probably the reason for cutting). Cutting isn’t a suicide attempt, but I’ve found more me, and probably MANY others, suicidal thoughts have been occurring. One of the only reassuring things I’ve heard and tell myself about this is that for some reason I’m still here now and even if I can’t see it, there’s a reason I’ve hung on this long. There’s a reason I’ve kept myself around. In the show Supernatural, a character says that he tells himself he will get by until the end of the week and next week he will start over. Though VERY difficult to do, it’s great advice. If you are dealing with problems or cutting, ect. then I do hope you get better! I know you’re thinking “she doesn’t even know me so she doesn’t care” (cuz that’s what I think when I read these), but the truth is I am very empathetic and understanding of anyone going through similar things as me. So yeah I don’t know you, but just hang on anyway. Just til the end of the week… Then start over.

  17. I cut because i feel that this is the only way i can forget about everything that is going on my life, i have gotten used to it that it doesnt es ven hurt that much anymore, i have always felt alone like no one could understand me,like no one could help me, but now am trying to fight against ME to stop but my anxieties, fears nd problems seem to be stronger than me, every night of every day i cry my self to sleep because of ths i want to stop but i really don’t know if I’ll be able to control ths it’s been a month now sense i don’t do it nd it’s not being easy because of all the things i go trough every day wth my family nd life but am trying to fight i know it won’t be that easy but i will fight, nd i think you all shoul fight to

  18. I just started cutting I like the pain it takes the emotion away it makes feel in control of what is hurting me. I don’t know why I started cutting my life has been hard and I’ve learn to cope without cutting but since a couple weeks ago I couldn’t help it so I cut. when I cut I feel good like I’m in control of my pain I even wanted to kill myself a year ago but I met a friend and they told that I’m needed in this world. They said no matter how much it hurts don’t do anything u would regret. So I didn’t do it how ever I’m still emotional and it seems to be growing every day but I think I can handle it. My dad use to say this no matter how hard always hope for the best but be ready for the worst.

  19. Hi, my name is Jessica. I have been cutting for 5 years. I’m happy to say I haven’t cut myself in 2 months. It must be hard for people to understand and I can’t even understand myself. It’s definitely a way to try to control my emotions. I feel a lot of guilt from things over the years and cutting became a way of punishing myself. The last time I did it was the most painful time. I was in agony for 2 weeks. I’m glad everything is cleared up and its nice to not see my body with cuts all over it. It’s a very painful addiction and I’m sorry for anyone else who is suffering from this.

  20. I’m 13 and was looking at this to find an easyeasy to explain what I do to my parents and yes it helped but when I cut its to stop my head from spinning and for those seconds the adrenaline from the blood distracts me and when I feel truly hurt I’d do anything to feel better even if it’s for a second

  21. In the beginning you cut because you have a reason…your hurt emotionally and a lot of the time you hate your self you only see the imperfections and your not worth it so why not slowly destroy yourself? Everyone has an addiction to take the pain away…wether it be smoking starving burning or cutting or another form of self harm you get addicted you cut because your Angry frustrated or depressed but the. You start doing it even without a reason…..to fell the pain to see blood to have a scar it all becomes habit and you live With the demons you try to cut them out but your really locking them in every time you cut too far every time you see the little beads of blood every time it stings in the shower the demons in your head are destroying you from the inside out…. Stay strong bby it gets better 😘

  22. I cut myself and I do it bc I can’t handle any emotions. Even extreme happiness names me feel powerless. I wish I could turn back time and choose not to have made that first cut. Its an addiction and it’s not easy to stop. This article is great bc it gives peoe an insight to things they may make fun of bc they don’t understand. Its not ramantic or beautiful. It’s not fun or trendy. Its painful and it hurts just as much inside as it does out.

  23. It must be hard, but cutting will never release pain maybe for a minute or two. I wish people who struggle with this problem start seeking God. He is the one who can help and takes this pain away. Every time I have something bad in my life I go to Him in prayer. His love is great to everyone, and everything that you need to do is to make a step to Him.

  24. I cut myself when something happens that brings greater emotional pain, so it isn’t every day or week I do it. I’m verbally and emotionally abused by my father and when we get into arguments it takes all I can not to think about wanting to just end my life. no one knows why I do it, but nobody assumes its for attention, and my family doesn’t know either. no one really notices the quiet kids with the biggest problems.

  25. I know two people who cut. One of them, my friend Ashlyn, was getting cyber bullied and could do nothing about it because the bully wouldn’t stop. A day later she told me she cut herself and I just didn’t quite get why. It worked out in the end, though I am still a little concerned about why she cut herself. My other friend, recently broke up and the ex went to their ex, and my friend was friends with him for seven years. When the ex’s got back together, my friend’s friend just transformed into a totally different person. My friend was crushed. He lost his gf and his best friend. Later, he cut himself. I am concerned for my friends and personally, I don’t cut and I don’t plan to, but now I think I get a better understanding of why people would purposely harm themselves and just let it slide. In my perspective, you are slowly destroying yourself both physically and mentally. You are trying to shut the rest of the world out. You try to avoid your problems by putting yourself in danger. Every drip of blood that runs down your skin basically means nothing now. Thank you for explaining further as I did not know very much about cutting. Thank you.

  26. Been a cutter for 25 years now noticing my kids have done this as well. It is an emotional release and very difficult to talk about with a doctor. The best thing is to figure out what is the cause of the emotional pain for one to stop cutting. It is a long process but worth it. Haven’t cut in 2 years now hopefully will stay that way. Now have to work with the kids. Anybody know if maybe it’s hereditary or not? Seems strange that I have 2 kids that do the same and their life isn’t even close to what I had to deal with.

  27. I can’t believe I’m posting here, but I was touched by the comments. I cut because I hate myself sometimes. I feel like a malfunctioning machine that just can’t do what it’s supposed to. I rarely get urges to cause anyone else any type of pain, but I have no problem slicing my own arm with a pair of scissors. In fact, I have always been happiest when I am comforting someone else. I don’t know why. I am overcome with a sense of loneliness. I feel like there is me in one corner and the entire planet in another. I have never felt like I belonged anywhere in the 22 years I’ve been on this planet. I have anxiety, depression and panic attacks. I can’t think straight anymore. I don’t cut when I’m just sad. I cut when the sadness is coupled with a rage that I can’t even put into words. Rage at the injustice of it all. Rage that no one really hears me. But even through it all, I know there is good in the world. I know that I am lucky to wake upevery morning when the sun beams across my eyes. I guess what I’m trying to say is…. If I can do it, so can you. Every one of these comments made me want to give you guys the biggest hug in the history of hugs. Stay strong.

    • Whoa, that’s exactly EXACTLY how I feel

    • Hi Samantha, I’m 25, and I too feel my happiest when comforting someone, and I am too overcome with a sense of loneliness that seems to never go away. It is when I have the intoxicating feeling that I’ve messed up again that I have the urge to cut, and it does make me feel better. And the scars, all I think about is, they are already there, I still have to hide them, so it doesn’t matter how many more I’ll add to the mix (I do however just cut in places where I already have very deep scar tissue to hide). Anxiety, depression and panic attacks. And the lack of belonging. Impressive, how similar we all are (the cutters) we should form a club.

      • I am so down for the club. Heck! We should have a freakin international conference!!! 😉 How amazing would that be?! The common symptom we share is this sense of doom – this aloneness – feeling of self-worthlessness – depression – anxiety – panic attacks, etc. This page itself motivates me to connect us all together. I don’t know how to do it – but maybe we can make it happen. Inspired. Pain in the arm, but inspired.

  28. I started cutting because the pressure… It’s just too intense. I have sharp hearing and hear all the dark comments people make, and I know of the way they speak of me. Every day I put on a smiling facade and when I get home, my family adds pressure upon pressure upon pressure, all my “friends” lie to me…. About so many things. I can’t break away from all this stress and pain. I tend to be passionate, and it can go in many directions, causing me to feel pain very strongly. I am not willing to die so all I can do is cut my ankles. I don’t know what to do….. But I know cutting can’t help.

  29. Cutting gives me a sense of control, but I do not know why….. I think that cutting is a very sad thing, but who am I to talk…. I can’t even help my own cutting.

    • i understand i started cutting when i was 11 because of bullying and depression and right now im doing it bc i feel worthless in this world i dont know wat to do i got send away for suiciding myself and i dnt want to get sent away againg i love my family and friends i dnt want them to suffer againg i just want to say that i have ADHD bc of depression and anger i am getting to aggressive i punch the walls when im mad and cut myself when i am sad.

  31. Will someone please help me to understand this part of cutting…I feel like cutting has become more “popular”, especially among teens. Teens who cut due to their emotional pain, do they tend to hide the cutting? Do they feel ashamed of their cutting? Is it possible that a teen will cut to seek attention? I know a teen who cuts, but then wants to show everyone her cuts. Obviously she is hurting, but I feel like it is more attention seeking and her way to deflect attention away from her own actions that caused her to feel her pain. Does that make sense? Can anyone give me some insight?

    • I can’t speak for everyone here but I personally hide my cuts and scars, I feel like they’re a sign of weakness. I hate when people see them and judge or pity me.

    • Oh, having to excuse the cuts away or even explain the real reasons why is a daunting thought. I hide them, for sure. No one in my life even knows besides my therapist. It’s 80 degrees outside and I’m in long sleeves. I cut yesterday on my arm but when I have time to think it through, I’ll cut my thighs, where my shorts cover. Yesterday was a bad, bad, bad day. I wish I could uncover my arms and not be ashamed, but people’s judgments or looks or misconceptions about wanting attention because it’s on my ARM would surely follow!!!

  32. I spent the better part of my 20’s and 30’s cutting myself. Not slight scrapes the I need alot of stitches kind of cutting. A doctor in the ER once told me I should be ashamed of myself (like I wasn’t already). Then I experimented with sewing my own wounds which was interesting and led me to understand my need to control my physical environment since my emotional one was absolute chaos. There is hope though – I attended the SAFE program (self abuse finally ends). If anyone is out there struggling investigate the program. It works if you are 100% committed to ending the behavior.

  33. I’m 19, and have been cutting since I was 10 years old. My mom found out when I was 13, and kept asking why I kept doing this to myself. It was and still is a way to release all the anger I’ve had pent up inside, it feels like it takes the pain away mentally, the physical pain just becomes so numb and you become so use to it and keep repeating for a little peace of mind. I’ve never been able to talk about the problems, I’ve had a hard time trying to find the words. So a razor was always my go to. Its kind of a reminder that your still alive basically. Believe me, I’ve tried to stop, it doesn’t work. I’ve made so many promises that I would stop, but trying to tell a cutter to stop is like telling a drug addict to stop doing drugs. Its hard, trying to find new ways to cope is like looking for a needle inna hay stack.

  34. People who cut themselves please realize that only Jesus Christ can fill up that hole that emptiness so that they can be set free from the demons controlling there lives only God knows everything we each have to go through, he understands each and every one of us but he came so that we could be set free!! If you’re in ANY situation and don’t see any way out just Claim the blood of Christ we have all fallen short of the Glory of God & he didn’t come for the perfect ppl he came for sinners!! To prove his true love! You just had to believe that he died so that we can be liberated n healed and saved he will make a way where we don’t see any way out, he makes the impossible Possible! God bless you reading this I pray that you may be touch by the Holy Spirit and have an amazing experience and can testify of the great things that God will do with you, if you just believe!! – I am just just a Christian (Pentecostal) Servant of Christ! But I know If he set me free he can do the same with YOU! In JESUS mighty name AMEN!!

  35. hi, i’m so sorry I don’t have advice for you, but wanted to thank you for your post. I have never cut myself, but I always have thoughts of cutting when I get upset. I am also saved and follow God and serve in my church. I felt like such a bad Christian to even have these thoughts which makes my eurg worse. hearing that I am not the only Christian that struggles really is helpful. not that your pain makes me feel better though. I think you should pray about what to do for your daughter. I wouldn’t want to embarrass my daughter either, but in the long run she may be very thankful that you reached out to her youth pastor for her. Also she may feel alone or like the only one who struggles at her church, but please let her know she is not alone. They could make her feel better too.
    thoughts and prayers for you and your daughter

  36. Im 13 and my friend told me that she cuts (like a year ago). She was mobbed in primary school and the relationship with her family isnt that good.. Shes seeing a therapist now and Im really glad about that, but she told me she doesnt want to be happy. She said if she would be happy she wouldnt be herself anymore.. Im really going insane because of that, I could slap her! I know thats not how to deal with it and Im not going to do that, but I always try to help her and than she says she doesnt want to be happy. I alway compfort her as much as I can but she has to be atrong herself!
    Aside of that:
    To all who cut out there, try to be stong, get help, and tell people how you feel! You can do it! 🙂
    (Sorry if my english isnt the best, its because im german xP)

  37. I’m a 57 year old Gay White Male. About a year ago I was physically attacked in my building’s laundry room. I still can’t use my left wrist properly, various back pains from the fall, and and anxiety and panic attacks when amongst a lot of people I don’t know. I’ve had a few walking black outs where I last remember myself in a different location and come to walking blocks away from where I remember being. During this time I do not fall, and seem to be in good shape when I come to. The constant anxiety, fear, and terror of dealing with people and not knowing what is going to happen next is near to unbearable. I’ve recently started cutting myself for reasons that may only make sense to me, as a means of taking control of the pain. And also to have an outward manifestation of the internal pain I feel. I know it doen’t make sense, and I try to keep that in mind. They are not major cuts, just temporary lettings of blood, which act as a pressure release on a steam engine. I have a psych appointment set up in six weeks, they can’t see me sooner. Just wanted to see what other people have done to control these impulses. Sorry to dump on you. Cheers.

  38. I cut for the first time today after years of fantasizing about it. It felt so good.. Now I’m so scared that I will continue ..

  39. i cut…its not like a habit or anything. its an addiction that controls your brain, your heart, your soul. Just don’t lie about it, it may be your artwork, but you lose people in the process. One day it’ll be too late.

  40. I’m 13 years old and just a few months ago my mom took me to children’s hospital for cutting , and they kept me for some days , they put me on medication and they had doctors for me to talk to , I had a roommate and we even had free time ! I think you should take her to be seen because I’m doing a lot better now and I’m so thankful for all their help I was given there PLEASE USE THIS ADVICE

  41. I am a “cutter.” However, unlike the usual cutter, it’s not a habit for me. I only do it when I am feeling so down on myself that I can think of no other way to handle matters. Also, I did some research into why people cut. I cut, but I’ve never understand why it makes me feel so much better. The reason is that your body releases endorphins after you hurt yourself, for any reason, in order to make you feel better. Therefore, by cutting, a person is basically abusing this chemical release.
    Fortunately, I have made progress and do not cut nearly as often. Knowing more about the chemistry behind cutting has helped me to stop doing it as often, because it’s very similar to the kind of hit drug-users get, except that in the case of drugs, there’s a (much) bigger amount of endorphins being released.
    Also, one thing I’ve learned is that it’s very important for cutters to not hate themselves for cutting. Usually, after I cut, I feel ashamed and guilty for doing it. Then I get down on myself, which leads to more cutting. The only way I’m able to resist the temptation is if I tell myself it’s a moment of weakness and everyone makes mistakes, and that I can do better in the future. Thinking positively on the situation is much more helpful than thinking negatively, although this is hard to do in a moment of intense emotions or passions.
    Anyway, that’s my story and look on things. If you read this, thank you for taking the time to.

  42. In reading blog after blog about cutting, and knowing many cutters in my mental health practice I wanted to put a question out to those brave people who commented about their own cutting experience. Most blog comments about why people cut refer to the physical pain as overshadowing the deep emotional pain. However rarely does anyone comment on where that deep emotional pain is coming from. I hypothesize that most times the emotional pain comes from sexual or physical trauma or a violation. If any of you very brave people could comment on that I would appreciate it. I am really trying to bring the terrible compounded pain of sexual trauma to the forefront. Sentences for pedophiles are far to lenient and the damage left by a perpetrator is at times lifelong. I hypothesize that young people in their teen years diagnosed with bipolar disorder, or conduct disorder or borderline personality disorder have been misdiagnosed. Instead of labeling with a diagnoses, the behaviors instead should be looked at as symptoms or reactions to trauma or a violation of personal space, a complete loss of control if you will. In my opinion if people were empowered to break through feelings of shame they have have and talk openly about the traumatic event perhaps there would be an improvement in symptoms that are misdiagnosed and medicated. So perhaps to keep anonymity, people who think that sexual or physical trauma or abuse is the cause of the emotional pain that causes one to cut, could you hit the like or up arrow on this post. Those that have experienced cutting but have not had this type of trauma would you hit the down arrow.

    • I think it’s true…..

  43. i think i can understand what everybody that cuts is going through iv been hurt many ways and that hurts me i don’t understand why does all of this happen to us we go through a lot of pain in life i just want to say something i herd before its sort of like a saying ”those who cut are angle and want to go back to heaven because they cant deal with their own pain so they try to return to heaven” right now i finished cutting but it maid me feel a little better but not a lot but i’m OK i guess i don’t know if i well feel good tomorrow at school i think everybody knows that i did it today because i mite of post it on something but OK i guess once again cutting is never good but people just do it !!!!!!!

  44. A lot of you people.. you’re just.. amazing.. so sweet and caring.. I didn’t know people like you existed anymore.. reading those comments just made me feel a little better about everything. And for those who read this.. I love you, you’re beautiful and most of all thank you. Thank you so much for being who you are. Being the best you can, trying to help people.. thank you for helping me. You all are just so sweet <3 I wish I would've saw this sooner..

  45. Sadly, some of us don’t believe in God. I am athiest, and proud of it… And last I heard at my church (my parents make me go), I’m a sinner and God hates me because I’m gay. So I don’t think God could help me there.

    • I just want to clarify something about Christianity. God does not hate anyone. The whole premise of the bible is about how God IS love. He loves everyone, no matter what sins they’ve executed, what sexually someone is, what race they are or even what other religion they practice. God loves ALL. At least that is what I personally believe. I know Christians who are gay and bisexual. I think only the “extremists” are the Christian’s in the media who hate on gays or other religions. They are condescendingly judgmental and that is the exact opposite “form” of Christianity that I practice. Maybe you should start attending a more accepting Church because there are some out there that won’t shun you or hate on you for who you are and who you love.

    • You are precious and dearly loved by Jesus. I am sorry for any church that has told you otherwise. Please do not hurt yourself, or anyone else reading this. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. It might be impossible to believe right now, but greater things are yet to come.

    • I’m a lesbian, and I’m 23. its taken me 23 long year’s to finally realize God loves me just the way I am. Religion is the problem, Jesus is the answer. You are not a sinner, you’re perfect just the way you are.

  46. I cut because I feel like I deserve it

  47. i know what its like to cut im only 15 and i got to school wearing longsleve shirts to cover up the cuts i have tried to talk to people and i get ignored by everyone i get ignored by my family, my so called friends, and anyone i thought who cared about me. Even though im young i feel that the only way for me to escape my terror of a life is to cause myself pain.

  48. Hi. Im 14 and have cut for about a year and although I have been clean for a week or so I know what it’s like and I need a LOT of self convincing to stop. A friend of mine has cut since she was 10ish and has had a life story filled with suicide drugs and alcohol. Not too long ago my parents found out and then they threw a massive tantrum and wouldn’t understand and thought I had scratched it open with my fingernails.
    Enough boringness.
    When I used to cut it was always like opening a can of coke filled with anxiety and problems etc. I think it’s because for the time when the pain happens the body “forgets” everything and just focuses on the blood loss. During this moment I feel a kind of orgasm of relief and euphoria. I know I know it sounds weird but then again I’m weird.
    I could advise you to stop or not even start ONE CUT AND YOURE DOOMED.

    • Definitely NOT boringness. Thank you for sharing! Proud of you for being clean for a week. Call TheHopeLine if you feel yourself starting to slip. We are here for you 24/7. 1-800-394-4673 (HOPE)

  49. I am 25 and i have been cutting since i was in junior high, i did not have the perfext childhood and never had anyone to really talk too, when i had my daughter at 20 i felt like i was healed, i didnt think about cutting like i use too. Until i relized that i was eating everything in sight. For the past year or so i have been on medication as well as seeing a counselor. I still cut but i am able to talk about it and not be imbarassed by it. Its a addiction and its not an easy one. I fight back urges every day.

    • Just stay strong! I believe in you!

  50. I started cutting in middle school. High school I didn’t feel the need. Now being in college I have gone through the hardest time of my life and feel completely abandoned. For me cutting is having control over my body. So many people make me feel awful and possess my thoughts and how I live. I can’t escape that. I care too much about what people think about me. And I care too much about people who don’t care about me at all. They make me feel awful about myself. I’m humiliated and ashamed and I have never met anyone that truly knows me and how I feel. Cutting myself gives me the ability to make me myself feel something than letting the others control how I feel. It makes me sad yet I feel the need to free myself by doing it

  51. My name is Ian and… I struggle with coping with a lot of overwhelming pain and worry and stress. I don’t really know how to cope with it and it’s probably not healthy… But for those who cope by cutting… Well I at least want to help someone where I can. Just sleep. Take a nap. Whenever I get angry, worried, cry, sad, anything negative or overwhelming… Just sleep. And while you’re asleep… You don’t have to put up with it. It’s all over. All the stress, all the emotion, just darkness. And as depressing as that may sound… It’s what has gotten me through a lot of extremely unbearable times. Just don’t hurt yourself. Please. I had a girl who Was a very close friend of mine and she cut herself often. Went through extreme emotional pain, family problems… It sounded like it was from a horror book some of the things that happened to her. And one day… I never heard from her again. I stayed up countless nights, talking her through things, making sure I did everything to prevent cutting or harming yourself. To this day… I don’t know if she is alive or not. And it haunts me. I believe it’s all my fault. My shortcoming. But whoever reads this… Please don’t cut. For me. Just sleep. Take a nap. Longer than shorter if you need it. It’s healthier. It isn’t self-harm. And if anyone here EVER needs anything… I am here

  52. I still don’t get it. I actually have no reason to cut I just did it untold myself it was for the expirence but then I started doing it when I was frustrated, sad, etc. I even smile sometimes which I figured is really akward.

  53. Don’t hate me for saying this, but I have always had trouble understanding for feeling sympathy for people who do self harm. But I feel incredibly empathetic for their pain and suffering and it’s articles like these that are really helping me understand and bringing me closer to those who have been cutting. I have never cut but I understand the suffering and can help others who have as well. Thank you.

  54. Articles like these are what have gotten me interested in psychology, I have never done self harm but I have felt the worst kinds of pain and loneliness, if you are cutting, please know that it won’t make you feel better forever. And while you may feel like you’re worthless or no one cares, know that I care. I love you, whoever you are, because you mean something, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. 🙂

  55. im 12 i cut i need help closure i feel alone in the world im worthless there is this one kid that reminds me im not but hes gone he committed suicide and my only closure i had left me alone to fight this fight i feel weak if anybody reads this help me get out of this dark hole…

    • Keyli,
      You are worth the time and effort someone put into to bringing you into this world it is big and is scary but it also holds some of the greatest gifts you will ever see if you just hold on there is light atop the dark hole im sorry you lost your friend but im sure they weren’t the only who care about you please keep seeking help your life is valuable and has worth

  56. Keyli, we are here for you 24/7. I can only imagine how lonely it must feel to have lost such a close and caring friend. We want to listen. Call TheHopeLine: 1-800-394-4673 (HOPE)

  57. Hi my name is Brenda and I’m facing something like that . its true what everything is being said here. Sometime i cut because I feel hate for the person that’s inside . this person make me be something that I don’t want to be I feel like I have so much pain and I want to deal with it , but the person in me makes me put on a front with everyone and doesn’t let me get the help that I need. I hate that because I am hurting deep down , but because I’ve been through so much its hard to trust people . so its more of hating and cutting it is like you want to break free . like you wan to find the person you really are because not at any moment does that pain hurts.

  58. Im 21. I cut myself probably an average of once or twice evert couple months. I only do it when my emotions become too much. Itsreally hard to deal with . When i was younger i used to pull my hair really hard or scratch myself. When i got older i tried cutting. It made me feel so much better at the moment. Its like a release of all the anxiety….. but the next day, i see my cuts and i feel them burn in the shower and i regret it and feel ashamed. So its a lose lose

  59. I started cutting at 14 and now I’m 17 I still cut and wish I could stop but its an addiction and helps me handle my demons on the inside.

  60. Im sure a lot of people care, and i really care. I am going through the same thing im 14 but i rarly do it most of the time im telling myself dont do it think about your future think of something else you can do besides harming yourself. What works for me is to listen to music grab a bat and ball and hit it as hard as you can or if you live in the woods grab a gun and just shoot it will take off a lot of steam
    Just remember your not alone in this. I hope this helps.

  61. Hello to everybody who cuts… Okay I’m not really got at writing so I just wanted to give you a little advice. I haven’t been cutting for 4 months even though I keep thinking about it almost every day… But I’m also proud of myself and if I was able to make it you also can get through this! I was able to stop cutting because I started a “Diary” everytime I wanted to cut I wrote everything done that depressed me. It’s worth all the fighting. I remember a time after I stopped cutting where I cried every night, I listened to sad music and cried for hours. But during the day I had a very good time and also laughed a lot. I know how hard it is and how exhausted you are but I believe in YOU! Live can be wonderful you just have to fight for it and I know that you are very strong because you are still here even though you have been trough so many hard thinks! You are so pretty and I like you! You can make this!

  62. Hello to everybody who cuts… Okay I’m not really got at writing so I just wanted to give you a little advice. I haven’t been cutting for 4 months even though I keep thinking about it almost every day… But I’m also proud of myself and if I was able to make it you also can get through this! I was able to stop cutting because I started a “Diary” everytime I wanted to cut I wrote everything done that depressed me. It’s worth all the fighting. I remember a time after I stopped cutting where I cried every night, I listened to sad music and cried for hours. But during the day I had a very good time and also laughed a lot. I know how hard it is and how exhausted you are but I believe in YOU! Live can be wonderful you just have to fight for it and I know that you are very strong because you are still here even though you have been trough so many hard thinks! You are so pretty and I like you! You can make this!

  63. I started cutting about a year ago.I do it at first when I got angry or stressed.Then I started to spiral out of control.I started to cut all the time every day just cause.Then my parents found out 2 months ago.I promised them I’ll stop,but I didn’t.I couldn’t stay sober for a week.I use to cut on my arms but now I cut where its not visable.I try to stop but my urdges are too strong.I just go back to it.OLD HABITS DIE HARD.

  64. Cutting allows me to feel in control of the pain almost…being able to get over the physical pain allows me to find the strength to get over my emotional strength

  65. Gianna, We feel your pain and understand how hard it is to gain control over the addiction of cutting. You have taken the first step by reading this blog and being open about your struggles in this comment. We have some resources and a partner we could give you at TheHopeLine® that can help you overcome your urge to cut. A HopeCoach would love to listen and help. You can do this…we believe in you! Call 800.394.4673 or chat online with a HopeCoach 24/7 at http://www.thehopelne.com/gethelp

  66. I cut and saying your emotional problems to someone doesn’t help, there not going to look at you and change your appearance which for me is my biggest insecurity.

  67. Ty for sharing this! My daughter is in 6th grade and i didn’t understand what was going why she hated herself. I NEVER thought my baby wanted to hurt herself. I’m getting her help. My thoughts and prayers are with you! Please talk to ur parents if they are available! She is and has been bullied. I still don’t understand but i don’t have to understand to support her in a healthy lifestyle. God bless u ALL. Hugs

    • How did u help her may I ask…my step daughter has got in trouble and now cut her arms and legs 100 times or more on each one

      • Hi I’m not a mother but I am a cutter… I just want to say that first it’s a really great thing that you are here and looking it up and trying to understand. The best thing you can do for your step daughter is to get her a therapist, or into some form of counselling. I don’t know her, but from me and most of the community of cutters that I do know she will probably react badly.. My own mother forced me to get help, she never tried to understand and it left a lot of resentment from both of us, she tried to be too aggressive with my treatment and tried to force herself in every step of the way. When you do get her help, maybe set up a time to talk to the harpist or councillor yourself, to understand better and to know how to deal with it.
        There is something you should know though, and this is a pretty universal thing – you cannot force someone who is cutting themselves to stop, they have to want to. You can’t use anger or guilt or anything else to stop it. So the most you can do is give her the resources to get better and let her know you are there to listen, not judge and to try your best to help.

    • You can’t send her off to some rehabilitation center. Most Likely she already knows what shes doing she just needs to be watched and cared for like none other.

    • It’s okay I’m in 6th grade too and I cut…i understand how it feels

    • i cut and im in sixth grade and dont semd her to one of those places if the place doesnt help her than she will just want to cut more

    • Hope she feels better

  68. As a person who once cut, there is really only reason why some people cut, relief. Physical pain always felt better than emotional however that pain would come back and you have to cut deeper and deeper until you forget about the pain and the high from that pain being released gets shorter and shorter. What most people don’t understand about cutters is that its never the same case, some people want help and others don’t and nothing can change that, unless you remind people why it doesn’t help, how badly it can hurt those around you. I started knitting when I felt like cutting and in return I felt calmer and better about my self. My advice is to get very deciated to a cause or a non harming hobby and the urge to cut will lessen and if this doesn’t work seek medical help, but please help yourself you deserved to be happy like everyone else.

  69. I’ve been cutting since I was 13, I am now 24. I have no idea how to deal with a typical problem with marriage, work, or even social events when I say something stupid. Sometimes I get so numb I can’t even cry till I cut myself. I try so hard to deal with my feelings or thoughts not to lead to cutting, and I find myself doing it again over and over. I just want it to go away just to stop, I’m so freakin tired of doing this shit. My daughter is three years old and she looks at my legs and ask me why do I have ouchys there, or what happen mommy. I can’t even wear shorts in public, or even go swimming. I just feel so weak and dumb. Having scars what will never go away. Nobody knows what I do, my husband doesn’t even know half the cuts I have inflected on myself. I haven’t talked to my twin sister or my mom in over 2 years, my 3 brothers and my other 2 sisters in 4 years. I couldn’t bare them to see me like this so all I do is push them away. I don’t feel close to anyone, nor could I get close to anyone what can I do?

  70. I cut/hurt myself to feel alive cause if I’m not fealing any pain in my body, I somehow don’t feel right. I’ve been doing this since when I was 12 (am 24 now). I cut with a dull pocket knife cause it causes me more pain and at times I just punch the wall or kick a pole or something to cause pain. Then I don’t harm myself till the pain lasts. I had no problem with these but now form like a couple of months ago, at times I feel like stabbing myself, I bring the knife to my chest but don’t do anything (but it feels like its just a matter of time). There are somemore things that I’m not comfotable to post.

  71. I cut myself for the first time in1992 when I was 17 and had never heard of anyone else doing it until around 1996 when Princess Di adnitted to doing. I found out I was a “cutter “, before that I just thought I was an isolated freak. Cutting in my life has often been my best friend. It took away the emotional pain, when I could barely breath from the pain. When I was so anxious because. I couldn’t handle life it was like a tranquilizer and would prevent a panic attack. And best of all it gave me an alternative to suicide. I was sexually abused as a child, raped and raised by a mother with a borderline personality disorder and physically and emotionally abused (my mother was the worst ). Good news after years of therapy I have had a successful marriage, a beautiful child, a college degree and succesful career. So there is hope,but cutting is still often on my mind. I just resist and sometimes just visualize past cutting,the blood flow and it calms me. I know sick, but I don’t cut. Btw it hasn’t been easy, at 17 I was hospitalized for 6 weeks, l Have had therapy off and on for 10 out of 20 years and have accepted that I will always be on antidepresents. But, my therapist thinks I am a success story, so just trying to spread hope. I hope you will heal even better than i have.

  72. My husband has cut himself self in the past (before I knew him) he has many scars. He has recently burned himself instead of cutting because he promised he wouldn’t cut himself. I’m worried about him and his depression. It has gotten worse over the past few years. He has social anxiety and agoraphobia and is slowly cutting himself off from the world. He has been on several different meds, but they just don’t seem to work. He can’t seem to force himself to go to counseling, although just recently he said he would try.
    I’m so scared and confused, I pray for him constantly and pray for strength for myself. I just don’t know what to do.
    Thanks for listening

  73. I’m a cutter. Haven’t done it consistently but when I’m in such emotional pain or anxious, it’s what helps me survive. I started I was in my early 30’s and have dealt with it for about 10 years now. Suffered a tragic loss and somehow I started cutting. Not sure where the idea even came from. I find that whenever I am in such emotional pain the ONLY thing that helps is to cut. I cut in places I can hide but have cut on my thighs. Many scars to show but so many questions and off the cuff stories I need to cover that I learned to cut in places I can hide. Its been about a year since I last cut but the last couple of weeks have me slicing as deep as I can. Something about watching the blood flow helps. I don’t recommend it, that’s for sure, but I do find it eases my soul in times of emotional suffering. Clearly I’m not emotionally healthy and doubt I ever will be but I’m doing my best in painful circumstances.

  74. You know, I think I can understand to some extent why people cut themselves. It provides something of a distraction – something they can think about (albeit briefly) aside from their life’s problems. My son started cutting himself about 6 months before deciding that cutting was insufficient, and blew his brains out with a .44 calbre pistol. My theory is that the razor blade was no longer working, so he went for the pistol.
    But what I can’t wrap my brain around is how does one begin? How does a person look at a razor blade that first time and arrive at the conclusion that the blade will provide a release? What made you decide to pick it up? How does it feel that first time that the blade cuts into your flesh? I assume painful.
    Did it work? Or did you have to cut your self deeper the next time? Did you eventually develop a tolerance? If so, what did you do?

    • I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. I think I hurt myself in other ways before I ever picked up a knife or razor. Things like scratching your skin until you bleed, pulling your hair really hard, punching yourself… it was all done in a rage of self-hatred. Sharp things are everywhere… I guess it was only a matter of time before I decided to break skin with them.

  75. I want to be a music therapist for teens when I graduate. I’m only a freshman in high school.
    I have a question for any and all cutters!!!!
    Ive been thinking about this theory a lot!
    When you cut, is it a way to physically see and/or feel your emotional pain??? If not that is ok, I just would like to know.
    Plz respond
    Ty!

    • Well you already feel the intense emotional pain, that’s the problem… you’re trying to get away from those feelings, not amplify them (as counterintuitive as it sounds).
      To see the pain? Hm. Maybe, I don’t know. I really don’t like looking at my cuts after… I feel incredibly ashamed. But during those cutting moments I do like seeing my skin hurt and bloody… I feel I deserve to be hurt; I feel I don’t deserve this skin, this body, or to be alive and I HATE myself and want to show that good side of me that she’s hated.

  76. I cutted At Age 14.. Because bullies, Would really make fun of the way i looked. ( judged ) So i started to believe the Awful words they said. I Cried Most Of the nights. & Also My mother would Just drink and say mean words to me. So i believe them as well. I Also did something really bad when i was 9. I Regret everyday, I Cry the way i look…. So then i cutted.. Now there Scars.

  77. I cut for a year when I was in early highschool after the death of my goddaughter, to forget in the moment what had happened. Even the pain as it healed helped as a distraction. I stopped for a year, then as I became a serious hypochondriac, who was also terrified of the doctors, started again. I’m not much of a hypochondriac anymore, but the panic attacks still sometimes occur. I fell into mild depression about 3 months ago, and that’s also when I started cutting again. I switched to razor blades however, and I prefer them because the pain is minimal but there is more blood, than there was with scissors. I just like to watch the blood pool over my skin. I never really understood why I liked cutting, until I got into this blog. Now I know why I do it; because I have the deep inner urge to be taken care of. That I am looking for someone who will see under my lies of how I cut myself and understand that I need help, that I want someone to actually take care of me and love me. It’s because I never had someone to talk to as I grew up. My older brother stopped speaking to me after I was about 11, and if I tried talking to him he would only curse at me and tell me to move out of his way, or respond very harshly. My parents weren’t much of the understanding and talk things out type. I had a best friend but she moved away and didn’t quite understand what I was going through anyways because she was close with her sublings, and I can tell my current boyfriend gets annoyed easily about my fears and paranoia. He believes Im being dramatic, and doesn’t know I cut but knows I used to and doesn’t even try to understand why. And that’s why I have to break up with him. Because he’s always been a best friend, but I need someone who can cope with me emotionally and take care of me, not get annoyed by everything I fear and my worries. And he doesn’t want to take care of me anymore. And another thing, I’ve blamed myself for so many years for the horrible relationship with my older brother, and I still don’t even know if it’s my fault, how I could have acted differently, but I’ve blamed myself so long for it, and that adds to the loneliness. In the winter I was very busy and talked to lots of friends and people because of the clubs I was involved in, and that was fufilling enough to make me stop cutting. That, plus the old way I cut was with scissors and they were leaving horrible scars. Shaving razors don’t reall leave scars. So now that I’ve had this epiphany about myself, I would like to thank this post and announce that I am on the way to recovery. If you have any opinions on my situation, please comment. Bless you if you’ve read this far!

  78. I started when i was very young,i was in My arte clase in the fourth grade ,I was doing it in front of My class ,the teacher notice the harm i wanted to do to My self .SHE called the consulor and My mother and talked about what she had witness .And worried that there was more than meets thie eye.I hace been through sexual abuse ,fisical abuse and emotional.Its been hard for me ,but nowing that im not the only one and that people can relate to me ,its amazing

  79. I’m very sorry about your son, and I’m sure he was a wonderful boy with a great father. I will put him and you in my prayers.
    For me, I started thinking about how cutting worked for others, and why it was all a big deal, why it was so addicting. Mainly curiousity but also in desperation to forget, I tried it with scissors.
    When you cut, everything contributes to the release. The pain, distracting you from emotional pain, the blood, fascinating to watch and know you have control over it, the cleanup, gives your mind something to do, and the occasional pain as it heals that takes up some space in your mind, so somethig emotionally painful can’t. That’s just how it was for me anyways. Then whenever I needed a release, I felt like I was being burnt on a stake in my mind, I would get very overwhelmed and begin to scratch and pace, and then only thing calming was to cut. Now a days it’s like I’m numb, like im trying so had to feel but everything is like a sad song. I just want something vibrant again. It’s hard to resist cutting.

  80. I started cutting myself just when I was 11, and I’m 14 now. I do it to actually feel something other than immense self-hatred and this numbing feeling I always feel. I was sexually assaulted by my step-father when I was only 7 years old… I think that’s what drove me into severe depression, and I did eventually start hurting myself. Even before I started cutting, I wanted to feel some sort of pain, so I would usually get by just by digging my nails so hard into my arm it would leave a mark for awhile. I was too scared to use a razor, and I’m still terrified to use a knife. I want to die so badly, but I just don’t have the guts to off myself. People publicize self-harm as being “cool”, and I think that has a huge part to play in why so many cutters can’t get themselves help. I’ve tried getting myself help before, and just by the way cutting is publicized, my addiction gets brushed off as a “phase”. Please, please, please don’t tell others that people only cut themselves for attention. Sometimes that may be the case, but lots of cutters have legitimate issues that they can’t solve themselves and need help from those around them who can support them.

  81. aslso a cutter. I started when I was 12. Y? Idk. But maybe becuz I have always been very emotional. Meaning that well, I would take everything to the heart. I have been abused by this man that was supposed to be my uncle . it started when i was like 6 and endwd when i was probably 8. my parents got deported when I was 14 I decided to go with them to mexico and I worked for 1 year. I came back to america when I was 16 and to the same shit him making unessary comments .me without my parents and an aunt that well don’t get me wrong she always took care of me but she chose to ignore what was happening with me because she was going to get her papers fixed. At least that’s what I think. Now I’m 22. But I feel like I’m stuck in my teenage years still. I have a husband and 2 daughters. I got together with my then 35 yr old husband when I was 17 and guess what? I got pregnant. All was nice until I started getting to know the real him. I started to become a victim of domestic violence while being pregnant at 17 . 3 punches across the face. That was the first time. And I let it go and thru out the years It was hits to the head so no one could see them it was a punch to the mouth lip open and was mjorly bleeding. The next worse time was that I wanted to surprise him by going to his job and for my luck that day he got out early from work. I was on the bus when he called me . I only had money for that one bus.. He didn’t go pick me up. I had to call one of his co workers to give me a ride home. When I got home he whipped me with a belt and hit me several times in the head. Another time he grabbed those scissors that you use to cut flowers with on the side of my stomach. The last time was that he grabbed a miniature flash light and hite with it in my arm and on my inner thigh. And that is y I continue to cut myself. I can’t let go of what has happened to me whenever he makes mad I want to cut myself but I try not to. But when I just can’t take it anymore that’s what I go to. I feel like if my anger gets out like that.

  82. I used to cut in middle school and then went years without it. I picked it back up my freshmen year of college and it got really bad. I did it mainly when I felt alone in the world and just like I wasn’t enough. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, any of those. Cutting made it easy to rate that emotional pain. You know how when you go to the doctor and they tell you to rate your pain on a scale of 1-10. With emotional pain it just feels like a deep ache inside your chest and it’s hard to get rid of or understand how it comares to other pain. By cutting I was able to see how much certain events or situations really hurt. Whether something made me want to cut 100 times or if I stopped after 10. I started going to a therapist at college and that has really helped. And a tip for the parents out there, it’s not always the wrists. A lot of people go for the thighs and ankles because they are easy to hide.

  83. I am terrified of ever calling 911 or going to a hospital because of the potential shaming or other comments.

  84. So true i feel exactly the same!

  85. How can you stop cutting yourself? It goes away and then it comes back. Sometimes i like doing it but the next day im so mad at myself. My parents made me promes them to never cut again, but how is that even possible to promise something like that. What can i do different from cutting myself. Please help me??

  86. I havent posted this with my real ma,e because I’m ashamed of myself and live in total fear that anyone that k ows me personally would find out. I cut, people on all types of anon websites ask me why but I dont know how to answer, because I dont know. I get panic attacks and I had a therapist because of mild depression two years ago, i hated this so i started pretending to be okay, and this made me worse, this made me start cutting..i walk i to school everyday and i have to pretend im Happy and then when i get home i just cant help but cut. My bestfriend I met on the internet, I forced myself to stop talking to her for her on goodbecause I’m terrified that she could become as miserable as me. Noting in my life is good at the moment, and all that emotional pain is relieved from me when i feel physical pain.

  87. I found myself here reading this article after a long stare at my cutting marks. I have bad marks that will never go. I stopped 6 yrs ago. It all started when I lost the ability to express my emotions. I was physically and mentally abused for five years straight. Locked up and all that sh**. When I first cut myself, I felt good. I felt relaxed. That pain of cutting takes off from that emotional heavy pain. It was relaxing. So good.
    I miss it.. I am away from that physical pain, but mentally I am still there. I am seeking help, but I feel that the help Im getting is not enough. I do not want to be on sedative medication cause therapist these days cannot solve people’s pain. I want to cut, I feel that I need it.. But I won’t. I will just share these thoughts to pull myself away from marking another wound on my wrest.

  89. I’m going thew the same crap w my 16yr old step daughter..I have a ten month old and a 14yr old…how do I no she won’t hurt them or take it to car on accident..she got caught sneaking in her boyfriend at 2am then 4 days later in our safe taking her phone. She cut her legs like 80 to 100 cuts on each one and wen I caught her in the safe that nite she left me a not and did her arms the same..I told her I’m taking pics daily and that if I c a new cut I’m backdating her. She left me a note saying I did it again and really bad..well her dad and the shhrink said that won’t help. But I bet a 30 day place may.I don’t no what to do..I’m almost at the point were I’ll just leave and take my kids and go to my moms

  90. Please help me. I see a psychiatrist regularly. I take my meds as prescribed. My lithium level still goes all over the charts. I understand variables; I minimize them. The phyological pain is very, really physical. This is not this life I want. I want to walkup having a pretty go idea what the day will be like. I want to be a better member of soviety, not just work my ass off to seem “normal”. I want be a mother. Tonight, I cut myself deaper than I meant to. As much as I want to die and stop the pain, I think that this time the pain will pass too. I just want this to stop. I don’t want to be bipolar anymore.

  91. it aint no big deal with skinny thing…many people around the world go through this..but its allright.i mean why to care for the people who hurts you very deep.kindness is a good thing but it should not be a blindness..and crush on someone during this age is common and it is just a passing cloud..crushes happen now and then..but finfing the true love is the thing which matters and do not trust any one blindly…..:-)

    • I agree.

    • Why would people give the satisfaction to people that hurt them by hurting themselves? You only give the people that hurt you the satisfaction of hurting you more. It’s got to stop.

      • It’s not for them

  92. My dad tells me that I cut to hurt him. He constantly tells me that I’m now ugly and I ruined my life because of my scars I’m 17 i been clean since my dad found out in September and It’s really hard to deal with this. how do I make my dad understand that he was never apart of this? That the problem was myself

    • your dad doesn’t understand you at all. I apologize for this but he is being a jerk, this obviously has nothing to do with him. And he has no right to call you ugly, most people have scars, nobody is perfect. You didn’t ruin your life, I hope you know that. You were in a situation in which you saw no other way to relieve the pain or anxiety than to cut yourself. Be gentle with yourself you deserve love, and a few or many scars won’t make a difference. Whoever loves you, and whoever you will love will not care about that 🙂 I love every single one of my scars. They are there because I need them to be there. I needed them the moment I chose to slid my wrists, and my arms. Do I regret it, I don’t even know. It doesn’t even matter. They make me special, and whoever loves me, will love them too <3 When I see someone with scars from cutting all I want to do is kiss every scar and tell you that everything will be okay from now on, you are safe now. I started cutting when I was 16, I'm 25 now, and sometimes I still do. If you need someone to talk to email me

  93. You are BEAUTIFUL! Scars represent the wars you have won! Please talk with a HopeCoach about your relationship with your dad. We believe in you. https://www.thehopeline.com/GetHelp/

  94. Live and learn..don’t b a doormat…stand up for ur self cuz no one else will

  95. I’m a really bad person, and I know that no one is perfect, but I am bad. I am ugly and no one cares about me, they just don’t; they’re not even trying. But, I don’t care ’cause no one will ever. I gave up on everyone, I don’t trust anyone, I can’t. I wish there was at least 1 person that would understand ‘an be like, “I know what you’re going through, and you’re not alone”, I don’t think so. Because every one sees me as a loser, a ‘good-for-nothing’ but, why? I always try my best, I do what I can to make them like me, to be just like them, normal. I don’t want to be labelled as a loser, ugly, worthless, I don’t want to be ‘that kid’. I just want to be like every one else who can enjoy, play feel joy, pain, sadness, I want to be recognized by someone. I always try to make people happy and tell them be strong, but I am the weakest person and the lonliest. I’ve been Depressed in a long time and no one knew, I’ve been cutting in a long time, I’m sad every day of my life, there’s always something that goes wrong, something that ruins everything and makes me think that there’s no hope. No one cared enough to ask me am I okay ? Do you need help ? They judged me instead of understanding. I hate myself so much, I wanna tear myself down, no one would care anyway, no one ever did, I’ve lost hope. Even my own mother and father hate me. They don’t see me as their daughter. Why can’t someone just understand, what did I ever do to anyone, but I guess they just hate me, it’s okay, I hate myself anyway. I’m sick of crying. I’m better off gone.

  97. I have been cutting since I was 13. I am now 25. When I was 11, my dad disppeared. I’ve always lived with my mom, but one summer he put me on a plane home and refused to talk to me for 3 years. My step dad hated me and my sister and I were always fighting. We moved around every 6 months when i was little so I didnt have any long term friends at the time. The only person I was close to was my grandma and I wasn’t allowed to see her often. She was the only person who listened to me and believed me; once I told her things that happened at home and she confronted my mom. From then on I wasn’t allowed to see her often. It’s never been about a relationship, because I cut even when I am in one. It started when I was so upset I hit a brick wall and shattered my knuckle. I was so lost and upset and the physical pain took the edge away. I started experimenting with different things i.e. burns and bruises, then I found started cutting. I have yet to make it a year without doing it. When my mom found out she got so mad at me. She grounded me, made me not allowed to close my door or shave with a razor. They took me to a psychiatrist and I eventually opened up and started talking about the things that hurt the most. After a few months, she got a new job and I wasn’t about to spill my guts to someone else just to have them leave too. Sometimes I feel like an idiot, I’m 25 and still doing this. I have a very type A personality and I take on a lot. I excel at almost everything I take on, but when I fail it destroys me. I feel like I’ve let so many people down in my life. I think I want to stop, but the truth is I don’t think I do. I like the quick fix and I don’t trust anyone enough to really try and sort it out.
    🙁 Hopefully one day I won’t need this, but I doubt it.

  98. Hello I have been a cutter for 20 years, I’m not saying this to scare any of you or for you to loose hope. Most people get help or things change and they no longer feel the need to cut. I how ever am an unusual case. Although I have not cut in 2 years I fight the urge to cut all to often. I am covered in scars from my face to my feet, there isn’t a place without a scar. I’m fighting the urge right now so forgive me if I go on. I have all to much experience in this and I just want to give a little advice hoping to help some of you. My mother never got me help, she just did nothing. I was harmed in my ways as a child, and closed up inside. I kept everything in side and never talked to anyone about anything, not that there was anyone to talk to any way. It had to come out some how. That’s where cutting came in. Now as an adult I am still facing this, I don’t talk and when I try to the people around me don’t want to listen. So it gets bottled up inside again. The hardest thing is not having anyone to talk to. If you are trying to get someone help for cutting, always want to listen no matter how small or stupid the conversation seems. You can say go out make friends but you know it’s not that simple for some of us. Just be there for them, getting them help with a therapist is a good start, just showing them you are there and you care. Don’t judge and understand it’s harder for the cutter than you know. I’m not sure that all came out the way I wanted it to. Good luck to you. I would love answer any questions you might have

    • So, that’s why we cut. Because we need someone to talk to and have no one. Those feelings bottled up inside just won’t leave us alone. Thanks for making me realize that. I’ve been trying to figure out why do I still cut. I didn’t do it for many years, but I stopped therapy, and here I am now, feeling alone again lol. I hope my email doesn’t get blocked lol I am a genuine person, a cutter you may say, and I would love to talk to someone who goes through the same crap I do.. or just the cutting.

  99. Im 23 right now, and ive been a cutter on and off since my sophomore year of high school. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at that point. Self-loathing was and still is a major factor in my cutting. As a few of you mentioned, cutting releases endorphins as a pain killer….part of the reason why its so addicting. Ill go months without doing any cutting, but generally heartach os what throws me back into the swing. For anyone who is looking this u because someone you love is cutting…..more than likely, its not your fault. We have a laundry list of reasons why we do what we do. Anger and frustration wont help…..we dont expect you to understand…..just know that sometimes, all we need is an ear to listen.

  100. I am 17 year’s old I live in citrus county forest. I am a cutter. I need help. Is there a place I can attend for group meetings for teens like me. I want to stop.

  101. What if someone has a pretty normal life? Like they have a lasting relationship, a full time job, 5 to 10 close friends and has a pretty decent outlook on life? I do it because it feels good. Im not trying to * or anything but I got smacked around a bit when I was younger like every other kid but other than that I have no deep seated childhood issues, or any incredibly stressful thing happening to me. But I have to like at least twice a week. Its brought on more when im drinking. Im not sure if this is the same thing or not.

  102. I’ve been cutting myself for 13 yrs and I try not to but when something terrible happens I can’t seem to stop.

  103. Those childhood experiences can have a powerful impact. It’s not ok to be smacked around. You can chat with our HopeCoaches about it anytime 24/7. We are here for you. https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  104. There is a history of cutting with me in my teens. I don’t recall how much because I tended to black out, dissociate? when I harmed myself.

  105. My boyfriend cut his wrists. They weren’t deep but there were about ten. I saw them and asked him about it. He said it’s because everything in his life apart from me is shit. And that he takes out his anger on his arms. I don’t quite understand why he is angry though. And how can I help him? I reassured him that he can always talk to me and I will always be there for him and love him.

  106. Ive only recently started cutting. I still think its such a bad idea and that no one should do it. I only do it to even things out. When i hurt someone, physically or emotionally, i feel the need to hurt myself in return. I dont cut because i have a bad life, or know bad people. I cut because i take advantage of the amazing people i have, i hurt them, so i should be hurt too. I do it on the palm of my left hand. I dont want any of my friends to know, as they all see me as the strong one. Im trying to make them not cut, but i cant stop myself from cutting. It really sucks but its the only way for me to forgive myself for hurting someone close to me.

  107. I wanted to add that when I used to cut it was a way to take control of some part of my life.. I always felt like everything was out of my control so causing myself physical pain meant that for that moment in time I was in control of my life. I alone could cause pain, and that pain would help me release would help me cope with the emotions I can’t control. I was fighting back. Rebelling, against myself, my parents and the world that all seemed to fill me with hurt.

  108. i don’t know why but i started cutting my self cause it felt like it was right to do

  109. I do go threw what you do. I hadn’t cut for over two years, but last month something happened and I cut, it was like saying hello to an old friend. Not cutting is an every day struggle, I’m not saying it doesn’t get easier as time passes but when that one moment comes when you can’t think of anything but cutting it is the hardest choice you have to make. Other people don’t understand, that cutters can be surrounded by people to talk to, but feel they can’t talk to any of them. In my last post I said it’s because we don’t have anyone to talk to, that is what I ment. I was surrounded by people in my life, yet I was so alone, over time you just think no one wants to hear my problems. So you close into your self. Once I let my husband in it helped. He still doesn’t understand, and I still have trouble talking, but opening part of me helps make it longer between cuttings. Now the hardest part is social anxiety. I can’t talk to people. I am very shy You could say. I have no friends and no social skill to make new ones, I have a daughter that is shy to and I don’t know how to help her. There is a lot more to cutting than just cutting. So if you need an ear I would love to listen.

  110. My daughter is 27 and has been a cutter for a while now. She has just cut herself and is now in a hospital psychiatric ward. We live in different countries. I don’t know what to do anymore. She sees a psychiatrist and a case worker.

  111. The worst part is that she lives with my elderly parents and they can’t cope with it anymore. She doesn’t do it in their face and hides in her room. She doesn’t want anyone to know she does it but they found out when my mother went into her room and she was holding gauze over the cut and getting ready to drive herself to the hospital. Now she feels bad that she involved them and it is just a cruel circle.

  112. I did not start cutting until a year ago. I had other destructive behaviours as a teen,like sex drugs,alcohol,dangerous sports. Maybe I cut now because Im not as physically able to do the kind of activities I need to get out my aggressions and release the pressure. My struggle is with difficult emotions.Was not allowed to express as a child and had to control them.So I find it extremely overwhelming when negative feelings come up…I cant stand to feel them and have alot of shame when I do. It was not only from growing up but in religion that taught, you shouldnt have negative feelings.
    I have tried to talk about this with others,but its met with shaming…so the only outlet is my Therapist and this type of place.
    Its nothing I want to really do …its the only thing that expresses the pain that I cant explain in words.

  113. I’m 47, and I’ve been cutting on and off since I was 11. I was sexually abused for years, and even though I’ve been in therapy for over 1.5 years, I still feel like what happened was my fault. I use cutting not just as a way to deal with the pain, but I also feel like I deserve to be punished. My therapist is great and I try to use resources she is giving me, but I still often go back to cutting. I still feel like I deserve to be hurt. Most times I also want to die. It sucks. I have no one in my life I feel like I can trust which makes it harder. My therapist wants me to call this crisis line whenever I want to hurt myself, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I hate myself.

  114. I used to cut and the only true healing is Jesus Christ. He heal me in more than this i aslo was an alcoholic and depressed and wanted to die, but now i live for Him, He is my only hope.

  115. I never used to cut myself but I started cutting myself yesterday because I feel so numb inside and I just want to feel pain. I feel like there is too much pressure on me at college and my fiance broke up with me recently. All of these reasons set me off. I have always had suicidal thoughts for 5 years now and I never acted on them but losing her was the last straw. I’m not proud of what I do to myself now but I feel like it is the only way I can cope.

  116. This is a very descriptive story of my person experience. Ive posted it to help me get my feelings out… But I hope it can help you too. Whether you’re researching or feeling helpless.
    Relapse.
    I cut once in high school. I think I could probably call it my first bout of depression. It wasn’t a single quick decision. I had sat by myself, holding a knife, staring at my wrist and just bawling my eyes out more than ten times. One day I just thought, what the hell, maybe it’ll help me. This did NOT make any sense, and I knew it. But the seemingly endless, gut-wrenching emotional pain was enveloping me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore.
    I should mention that mental illness runs in my family. Depression, anxiety, being bi-polar, and all the “azepam” drugs had been a normalcy in my household… Along with the constant roller coaster of emotions from a parent. Being yelled at or “spoken to like we werent people” (how I’ve recently come to describe it) happened frequently… Always followed almost immediately with a sincere and heartfelt apology, big hugs and the most genuine “I love you”. Of course since my brother and I grew up in this environment it seemed completely normal. It still does. Just trying to fight back a bit now. When I first talked to my mother about my feelings of depression when I was 15 she took it seriously and much like her routine, we booked a doctor’s appointment. I remember the day in my English class when the teacher started making fun of Prozak; the anti-depressant that was hidden in my bedside table at home. The embarrassment I felt made me throw the box away and go back to trying to deal with things on my own. It was a few years later when I was 17 and actually cut. I cut low on my arm twice. Toward my elbow and underneath enough that I though it could be hidden until it healed and no one would be the wiser… But I was wrong. I’ve always thought of myself as a fairly smart person. The fact that I had actually sunk so low in my emotional state to harm myself bewildered and disgusted me. I tried to pretend it never happened. I didn’t take care of it, wear a bandage or apply medication because I didn’t want anyone knowing what I had done. I was so embarrassed. When my boyfriend finally saw it, it was scabbed over so I decided to blame it on his Doberman jumping up on me the previous week. I’ve told everyone that lie ever since, and I almost started believing it myself. After that cut I was too worried about getting caught doing it again that I managed to stop. Fortunately I got myself back in control and only had a few thoughts. The threat of having to explain my actions was too scary. Eventually, I stopped feeling overwhelmed with depression. I don’t remember it ever fully going away for more than a few months at a time. But I didn’t hate myself as often. About two or three years ago it came back though, and it came back hard. I started finding myself crying in the shower, grasping at the walls and wishing I could die… Before slowing sinking to the bottom of the shower and rocking back and forth until I could muster up the strength to put a smile on my face again and face the world. I tried reaching out to friends, but it seemed as though everyone I spoke to was “depressed”. I’m sure they could have been, but I still felt so alone. My best friends would try for a week to check in on me but it always faded away. I started noticing that each time I reached out to someone, the amount of time it took for them to completely forget about me was decreasing. I didn’t blame them… They had their own stuff going on. Their own problems… And for the ones who were happy, they didn’t want their happiness to be clouded by someone else’s pessimism. It was SO hard to reach out that first, second, even third time. When no one seemed to care, I stopped caring. It was helping to prove my point of worthlessness to myself. I had literally told my closest confidants that I no longer wanted to live and nothing changed. I think at this point I was really looking for the attention. Someone to show me they cared about me. That they would die if I died. My life mattered so much to someone. I started hiding my feelings again. I started partying more. Drugs made me feel so truly happy until the next day when the reality of using drugs set in. That’s not who I am at all. I said I would never do drugs. It ruined my family. My biological father is a alcoholic and heroin addict, among other things. The guilt of following his path was horrible. I couldn’t enjoy the party phase my friends were still enjoying. So I stopped going out. I still don’t think I can go out without wanting to get drunk enough to forget the pressures. I have had no traumatizing event happen in my life that I can remember. My life has not been perfect, but no one’s is. I understand that. So why do I feel such an overwhelming sense of failure and hatred toward myself? I stopped enjoying things I used to. I went camping, out with friends, just normal stuff. And all I wanted to do was go home and crawl into my bed and cry. Everyone is so happy. Everyone can have a good time and be normal. Why can’t I? Why do I hate everything I see when I look into the mirror? I remember staring at myself in my grandmother’s bathroom when I was younger and crying. I didn’t want to be me anymore. I didn’t like who I was. For as long as I can remember, I have not felt like “enough” in any way. I need to be prettier, smarter, funnier, more personable, more like her… More like her… More like her. I started idolizing other women who seemed to have it all. That just pointed out to me how much I wasn’t like them. I’ve faked confidence for so long now. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know if I’m that out-going, fun loving me and adventurous person I can make myself out to be in front of other people… Or if that’s just me imitating who I wanted to be. I have actually wished that I had a traumatic event in my life happen so that I could understand the cause of my issues. It is so hard to work on loving yourself when you don’t know why you don’t. My family always loved me. I always did really well in school and I was the “good” kid. I never thought of myself as a perfectionist. Last summer I started trying to get myself some help. I went to a counsellor, started working on my self-confidence, and talked a little bit about my self-hatred. She had great faith in me and said I wouldn’t take long until I would be feeling better. That made me angry. I could feel myself dying inside but I would be “fine” soon enough. This made me feel so minuscule. It felt as though my issues were diminished and that she was affirming my belief that I had no reason to be feeling the way I was. I have a good life. I should be happy. I stopped going to counselling after four or five sessions. I don’t know how to talk to people. It’s to embarrassing to say that I get feelings of not wanting to live. I have a good life. I shouldn’t feel this way. And I don’t even know how to explain why I do. It’s always the question. Why do you hate yourself? You’re a beautiful girl inside and out. Blah blah blah. I know I’m not ugly… I feel really beautiful sometimes. Sometimes I feel great. But the bad times are getting worse every time they come back. Over-powering feelings of not belonging. I think that’s what it may all come down to. I don’t feel loved. And I have absolutely no idea why. I KNOW that my family and friends love me. That I could completely crush them if I did anything to stop being here. I don’t know why I don’t feel loved. It’s like I need constant reassurance. My mother told me she was suicidal again. Probably for the fourth time in the last four years. There isn’t anyone else she feels she can go to. She doesn’t want to come to me but she knows she needs to tell someone. It puts me over the edge. I’ve been crying to myself when I’m alone and getting myself into my happy place over and over lately. Roller coaster of feeling great, like I can overcome depression and move on with my life. Exercising, taking the recommended vitamins for anxiety and depression, eating right… Heck, I even got one of those “happy lights” because I’m determined to not live this way. The responsibility of saving my mom is too much. I needed a break so I bought some alcohol with the intent of getting blackout. I drank and it didn’t work. I couldn’t get drunk enough to forget how much I’ve been hurting inside. I just wanted one fucking night of being able to not remember. I wasn’t drunk enough to forget, so instead it all rushed at me at once. I don’t know how to help my mom. What if she dies. Why does she feel bad enough to want to take her life. Why is life so hard. Why don’t people support her more. Why am I the only one. I feel like eve
    ry one in my family looks at me to be the strong one. They all unload on me. I’m the one who can take it when they’re feeling like shit. They know I can take it. I can’t take it. I can’t help everyone. I know they don’t expect me to. I want to though. I can’t and I know I can’t so I need to let it go. I need to let them go. But they’re my family. What if they’re feeling as shitty as I am at this moment. What if they need me. I need someone. I need me. My mom. Why does my mom want to kill herself. She’s my mom. This isn’t supposed to happen. I feel so alone. I’m alone. I need to take care of myself. I can’t. I hate myself. I hate myself for hating myself because I know I shouldn’t so I hate myself more for being so fucked up. No one should have to deal with me. I shouldn’t make myself someone’s responsibility. That’s just going to fuck them up. Just like I feel I’ve been fucked up by everyone else. I wish I could be perfect. I just want to be stronger. I wish I could stop feeling this way. How can I stop feeling this way. I need to stop feeling this way.
    I cut.
    I’m an idiot. Why’d I do that. I cut. Because I cut. So I hate myself for cutting. At least it hurts. It doesn’t hurt as much as I do on the inside. But at least it gives me some physical pain. Something real. Not something I just made up in my head. It’s a real pain. I’m allowed to feel the pain of this. It’s not just all in my head.
    I need help. After I cried and hated myself and cut, I had a moment of realization. What the fuck was I doing. I had to put the knife down. That was so fucked up. What was I doing. I ran. I ran to him. I needed to be held. I needed to just be held and for someone to stop me from hurting myself. I needed someone to let me cry.
    I won’t do it again. I can’t. I need to get better. Cutting doesn’t help anything. I can’t believe I did it again. I’m so disgusted. I’m going to get help. I just wish I could talk. I guess this is why I’ve written this. It’s the only way I’ve been able to start to open up.
    If you have read my story to try to get a perspective on somone you love cutting… Please, please, please keep doing what you’re doing. Be there for that person. Show them you care. If you can’t talk to them about it… Insist they get help. I know that it can seem like they’re doing it for attention. But just think, if someone is physically harming themselves to get your attention, then they obviously don’t know how to open up and need your help. It’s so hard for some people. Get them to a therapist. It’s not your responsibility to save them, but at least get them started on taking the steps to save themselves.
    If you are a cutter, I believe you can get through this. Just like I will get through my depression. This is not my life. It’s not your life. We have so much more to live for. Just think about how strong we will be after this. Sometimes our biggest enemies can be ourselves. But the real you is in there somewhere. Don’t give up. Do not give up. Something good is coming. Do not lose hope. Hold on.
    I love you all.
    God bless.

  117. I’m a 15 yr old cutter, i started when i was 13. I think the reason why i cut is the reason most do to escape the emotional pain, I have major self esteem problems. and my family only makes it worse my mum gets disappointed with me she always tells me to be smarter more athletic like my sister and brother shes always comparing me to them. my dad on the other hand ignores my whole family. He dosnt care. He always forgets my birthday and rarely speaks to me. i feel like such a disappointment. I’ve considered killing myself so many times, but thankfully i have some of the best friends in the world. One of my best friends is a cutter like me and it really helps to talk to her. my other best friend has cut before but dosnt do it as much. But the difference between me and them is that there family’s know they cut and mine still don’t know. I’ve been sent to see the school councilor before, because someone reported me in for self harm. But i really didn’t want anyone finding out so i lied and i must of been pretty convincing because they didnt ask to see me again. I’ve thought about getting help but i’m so scared. i was even frightened to write this i’m not really sure why. i guess i’m scared of being judged. I want to stop cutting but at the same time i dont. If that makes any sense. Its funny really my friends are the ones who talk to me about there issues and im always there for them i tell them to get help but i wont its weird. i just want them to be ok. and when they tell me to get help i ignore it. i’m just afriad of facing my problems. cutting is like my drug and if its taken away i dint know what i would do. if you took the time to read this thank you.

  118. Hi I have a friend name rebecca and she cuts herself because her parents beat her and she get bullied alot in scholl . Wat can I do as a friend to help her with this problem? ??plzzzzzzz answer quick cuz she text me and she text me and she is through with life and she just wants to dieat because she can’t take the pain no more 💯💯💯

  119. I am new to this. I have a child that cuts and I am trying to get a better understanding of what is going on. Can anyone please help she’d some light on this for me.

  121. It feels too good to stop. It’s a good way to relieve stress but the after affects aren’t worth it. Don’t cut because you’ll just make others more worried about you. Trust me I know how it feels.

  122. I’ve cut for about two years, because sometimes it’s nice to be in control of the pain

  123. It’s hard to quit something that makes that pain disappear for awhile. Especially for me. I’m losing family left and right, I’m scared of being alone with men, I like somebody (hell might even love!) but I’m terrified that I’m bothering him even though I’ve hardly talked to him or sat next to him. Cutting helped me forget all that was going on around me and made me concentrate on the cut.

  124. I have been cutting for 15 years. I started when I was 13 and now I’m married a mom going on 30. It finally it just hit me a few months ago if I haven’t stopped now I’m never going to stop! My kids finding out or seeing my scars in the future is the biggest fear of all. I’m running out of room on my body its time. I never thought it would hit me its time to give her up let the cutting go. I’m now getting help ones a week and working on stuff that I know needs fixing years and years of abuse! I believe you can move past the cutting and have a healthy lifestyle. I’m not there yet but I know its coming for me because I have finally came out of the darkness of cutting. I also struggle with a eating disorder have for 15 years they go very well together they but eating and cutting. in the past drugs as well but not anymore! Proud of that! I have never treated myself well tho. I have finally gotten that feeling you are worth so much more then this monster inside you trying to cut her away but never getting it. I wish all the people struggling with this problem find themselves and help to go along with it. You are going to need that. I have said that for 15 years I got this. NEVER AGAIN I might slip up I don’t want to but telling yourself that’s the last time will never be the last time. Forgive yourself and learn to love yourself first. Hey I’m still learning!!

  125. I feel like this everyday. Since five years old? Around about. People tell me I’m so smart (not smart enough). People tell me I’m pretty ( not pretty enough).
    It all hurts.
    I’m just waiting to die.

    • I have been a cutter for a few years. The physical pain took away the emotional pain. Life can be overwhelming, I wake up and think another day, how am I going to get through this one. I avoid people so they don’t have the opportunity to hurt me. If you were to see me you would never guess I am a cutter. I agree with newbie, find someone who can relate to you and let the tears flow, let all those negative feelings out . Always remember there is nothing wrong with you, I know because there sure as heck nothing wrong with me. People are always going to be mean,rude, and hurtful . I’m the last person who should be giving advice but I came across this page and had to write. I do understand how you feel and you are not alone, I have read all the above responses and at one time or another I have felt that way including today. I have been up all night again dealing with my pain alone, the sun should be up in a while and I am thinking oh great here I go again. Makes me feel better knowing that I am not alone .

    • The reason I’m responding to you, Heather, is because I don’t want to kill myself either, I just want the pain to stop…
      I don’t know if you will ever read this…but I can only hope. Last night I ran away after a football game, I cut also, have dealt with anorexia, have clinical depression, and extreme anxiety. Anyway, it all ended with talking to the police, when I was finally back at home, then being in the ER until 1 in the morning. It was the most traumatic thing that I have ever been through, and I’m scared to death to go back to school Monday…
      But I want you to know that you’re beautiful no matter what people say. I have a friend that is the most beautiful person I know, doesn’t wear make-up or anything. The “popular girls” talk about her all the time, and one day I decided to tell her about it…she told me she doesn’t care what they think, and thought they were silly….But then she said this…”i am who I am on the inside and whatever is on the outside I don’t see or care about because that’s not who I am” I went home and cried… YOU GO BE BEAUTIFUL AND ONE DAY THEY WILL LOOK BACK AND REALIZE THAT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON THEY EVER KNEW WAS YOU, BECAUSE YOU CHOSE TO BE YOU. GO REACH FOR THE STARS SISTER. LOVE <3

  126. Tell your mom to research self harm. People are so afraid of SH.

  127. ._.

  128. I don’t know if I am technically a cutter…I have a support network, but I frequently feel I can’t share serious doubts or problems because I am “the strong one”. So, I internalize. When I can’t handle it anymore a distraction, like a rubber band repeatedly snapping on my wrist or a sharp point leaving a small scratch on the under side of my arm, feels better. It refocuses and distracts. These things rarely break the skin enough to draw blood. Is that cutting?

    • Yes. I don’t cut deep either, but it’s still cutting.

  129. My name is Anaa I am a cutter I cut to fill something els it helps me to cope with what happend to me growing up I have been raped by my dad from the age of 4 to 16 and beaten and Bullied I started cutting at the age of 12 and now I’m a mom and I’m trying to quite and it’s hard .

    • I am so sorry for what you have gone through. You are so strong and courageous for having survived such a past. I will be praying for your healing. May our loving God guide you and help you raise your children.

  130. I feel remorse after I cut…but I can’t stop

  131. I used to cut myself because i felt like the physical pain was easier to stand that the pain i felt in my heart

  132. Cutting or any form of self harm is not going to help! It in the long run causes even more pain and heartache – knowing you have scars for the rest of your life, some visible some not is not what you think about at the time – but please if you are thinking about cutting to feel better go for a walk, read a book, call a friend – just dont cut!

  133. First word problems …

  134. I have not been cutting very long, only in the past several months. I cut to control my daemons, the screaming from my past that haunts me despite trying to get help to make it stop. I try not to cut too deep – less mess and easier to hide – and it keeps me from actually trying to kill myself. It calms me down enough to find something else to make the screaming stop, usually enough so I think to take my medication that is intended to calm me down. Only one person I know in real life knows I cut – my psychiatrist – and only because he directly asked after I was dumb enough to ask if he meant suicidal by ‘hurting myself’ in our last session.
    It’s not uncommon apparently for people who are traumatized to cut, but I still feel pathetic that it’s the only way I can deal with what happened to me.

  135. I am so glad your psychiatrist asked you about it. I know it’s really hard to talk about and can feel shameful, but talking about it is important. There is a saying, “We are only as sick as our secrets.” In order to get rid of the demons we have to bring them our of the dark and into the light. You can chat with a HopeCoach anytime – it is safe, confidential, and totally free. We understand and we really can help. https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  136. I have never read anything like this before. I’ve been cutting since I was 12, I’m 24 now and I’ve never googled ‘why do people cut themselves’ mostly because I was sacred of what people might say about it but…..it literally had me crying while I read it all. I never knew someone could REALLY understand why I do it…

  138. Good evening. First of all, I believe all of you are so precious and I want to hug each one of you and tell you that “you” are so loved. You serve a purpose but just have not recognized what the purpose is. I do not in anyway pretend to understand this cutting. A very dear girl to me, I just found out, has started cutting. I love this person so much my heart is breaking. I am reading this blog trying to understand. As I read your comments, whether you are the cutter or parent to the cutter, tears are running down my face. Oh you beautiful creatures, if only I could wrap you in love and let you know there are so many people out here who care for you. Lonely as you may be, people really do care. You are a child of God and for that alone, He created you and designed you unique for a purpose. I pray that somewhere along your lifeline, you can over come this evil thing and know you are worth a happy life. Those bullies? Imagine what a dirty rotten life they must be living to inflict pain on others. They must absolutely hate themselves to hurt others. Please little ones, know we care for you and if we could, we would come and help you. Everyone wants to be loved and we want to give love. God bless each and everyone of you.

  139. I used to cut all the time . if i could focus all of my pain into one area , it worked for awhile – until kids at school saw and called me a faker and attention getter. i guess in a way i was an attention getter , some part of me hoped my mom would notice and realize the pain i was in- but she never did and i realized how stupid that is. i continued to cut as an outlet , i still do- i know it wont change anything but when i see the scars it makes me feel stronger- to know i survived whatever i was going through .

  140. Hi

  141. I used to cut myself b/c I liked a boy and he liked me back but I didn’t tell him I liked him.. but I also had to hide it from my friends, my sister and my step-mom and dad. Some of my friends knew and they didn’t seem to care either way only one friend cared. But now I have scars and my parents never found out that I cut myself I cut my self with a TAC instead of a blade I know it sounds stupid but I feel something inside me when I look at them and it makes me feel better about myself……

  142. hey i know its unusal but I am a 44 year old woman about to be 45 in July..I have been a cutter for more than 25 years..luckily I am smart and know how to cover it up …I do not cut my arms I only cut my legs and I am smart enough I put neosporin on my cuts and they heal like nothing ever happened this is what helps my cutting I can do it and I am so smart noone ever finds out..I can still be as messed up and I can do something that allows me a release…I am bulimic and anorexic and bi polar and have ocd and depression since my mom died 9 years ago..i am medicated for all of those things but when I am in crisis it does not help. The only reason I have not killed myself is because it would kill my father who is 81 and my baby sister and my best friend and her girls who are like mine..oh and my 2 choloate labs who love me so much and their lives revolve around me..without them I would kill myself..so instead of that I cut it makes me feel better…I probably do it every six months to get the relase it helps me to deal with life and not kill myself..I have been raped and molested multiple times by family and raped again..hit, and mentally abused..scared to death that my boyfriend at the time was going to kill me..he dragged me by my hair acroos the shreshold of a doot i wen into a coma like state and unvoluntary my eyes closed tight and close gently..all the while I couldnot hear him I went into a kind ofcoma..for howlong i dont know..he then hit me in the face to try and wake me up multiple times finally i woke up he said it was my fault if only I had listed to him..it was the day before my birthday…….before that my boyfriend broke myh arm gave me a concussion told me I was fat and ugly andworthless and noon would ever love me…this has been and more men mistreating me since them..thats why i cut when i get a release from my crappy life,, but I am too chicken to kill myself so i cut it helps me

  143. Hi there I’m not going to say my name but I’m 14 and iv been cutting since 2014 because my mother and father are in a rough patch and they started taking there anger out on me and all the do is feel sorry about them self’s and never take note of how I’m feeling and nether one of them still to this day even know I cut, thank u for reading
    ,

  144. Hey I’m Sammy and im 18 and I’ve been cutting off and on… A few years back I went a year without cutting but then I picked it up again I guess it’s relieving to see myself bleed kinda like when you crack an egg and watch the yoke and the egg whites pour out And yes I agree it’s an escape from reality and it’s just a way to escape emotional pain to have physical pain instead!

  145. hey there humans and other species. I suffer from self harm and suicidal thoughts and depression and all that. it sucks, but i know one day i will get better. i believe that and i want others to know this. I love you. I literally have no clue who you are but you are amazing. Put diwn th object for cutting and find something healthy to do. Hell, tyr holding ice if you really need pain. You are better that cutting. Remeber this.

  146. I started cutting as an adult. As a teen I used to see it on tv and never imagined that would be me. Never understood why those ppl did it never understood it when it hit me. I started cutting because I was hurt by someone close to me and ever since then everytime I get close to someone I’m the door mat again. I’m always there when someone needs a friend but no one is ever there for me in the same way . Once they got what they needed from me the friendship ends and the pain is unbearable. So now I distance myself from ppl because I’m afraid of being hurt sexually or being used by friends. I started to cut myself from the world like I’m cutting myself slowly to pieces. I still don’t understand why I do it I’ve stopped several times for long periods of time but I always fall back again when something bad happens. I do feel it’s an addictive behavior because as much as I wish someone would come save me the end would be nicer. I just long for peace in my mind and my heart. I long to stop hating myself, feeling worthless, I realize that all these ppl that hurt me shouldn’t matter but when u been constantly put in that situation for the last decade the feel of the blade feels like I can feel a release of emotion from the ones u can’t express the ones I can’t yell out. I know what I’m doing is wrong but I dont know how to stop that’s always the first thought in my head when emotions of any kind hit. I once asked a parent for help but their reaponse was that I was ” stupid and needed Jesus” which in turn only made me turn far away from religion and afraid to let my feelings out to anyone. Cutting feel is like something I deserve for being stupid enough to believe ppl are nice that ppl wanna be ur friends. Cutting is a way to feel pain for the pain I feel inside and I can’t show. Most my scars are hidden because I don’t need the attention I need figure how to attend to myself. For now staying away from everyone minimizes the chances of getting hurt and having to hurt myself.

  147. Just read this to have some understanding to myself. I haven’t cut in years and recently stared again. Feel more stupid and ashamed then ever. I was doing so well then I stared cutting again and couldn’t stop. I used to repeat this sick saying that is also similar to a song by bif naked. In my head I say ” I cut my self today, not like yesterday, I’m cool, I’m calm, I’m gonna be ok”. Ugh sick I know. Now how to stop this insanity again. I don’t know???????

  148. When I was 12 yrs old I started cutting I am now 26 and haven’t cut in 11 years I had a family issue that caused me to cut I was also bullied in school for being different I went home everyday crying I was spit on and called bad names for being different you see I have a learning disability,had schizoaffective,hallucinations ,and anxiety but because of family, therapy and teachers in my life I am better now if it wasn’t for people who cared and supported me I can say I wouldn’t be here today I used to be suicidal I remember going to the hospital and being sent there from school many times I also had a self esteem problem but now I know that there is just one me and I am unique and different and I love I am proud of me now but when I was sent to the hospital and talked to someone that is all it takes sometimes which is why I decided to go into human services even if i can’t relate I can listen and be very compassiate I am a much stronger person because of what I have been through and even if I can only help one person in my future career I will be very happy and satisfied

  149. I’m not an introvert… People look at me and they don’t see the pain. They even ask what my scars are from. They see my kids, my husband, my happy little family, my house, my car, my things… Oh she’s doing well they all think. My family thinks I’m “level-headed” and “a nice girl” I was even popular in highschool and college. But I’ve always felt alone. Different. Sub par to the human race. They don’t see that I can’t get over the things that have happened to be… They don’t see that I’m meat. I’m a toy. I’m used for sex and servitude. Not worthy of the things they take for granted like compassion. They don’t see my struggles to raise girls to be strong and love themselves and others while I’m terrified of almost anyone I meet, and hate every bit of myself. Some days I’m too depressed to get out of bed. Some days I’m too anxious to leave my house. Every time there’s something wrong, usually a fight between me and the husband I go for the knife. When I’m sad, I want it. I had a knife I’ve used for years… The husband found it and threw it in the pond across the street… I’ve stared at that pond every day since figuring out how I might rescue my dearest friend… Meanwhile I have a new friend. In manifests differently in everyone… This depression. This black hole sucking the life energy from us. It’s such a deep emotional pain it causes physical hurt… The cutting is a distraction. Just a way to calm the nerves, like a cigarette for others. Death will be my only freedom.

  150. You describe depression really well – “the black hole sucking the life energy from us.” I understand cutting is a distraction, but it’s not a solution. I also hear you saying that you feel alone. We are here for you. Chatting with a HopeCoach can help bring hope and direction for healing. Please give us a try – https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  151. Is it normal to cut yourself for years. Do I need to see a doctor. Please help me.

  152. I alway thought of “cutters” as teenage girls. In hidden spots that none could see. I was not a “cutter” growing up, but later realized I used pain as a release, a self inflicted bruise or “accidental scratch or cut. Something to take physical pain always present, to manifest the inner darkness. It was much later in life, that I would take a knife or sharp object and drag it across mt chest or stomach. Sometime deeper than others. Something that I could play off as an accident from yard work or accidental. Again, it what I do to feel, to know I am alive and not in that haze of just walking thru life. I am retired military, and the adrenaline of that is gone, the danger or just plain distraction of the profession. My point to all this is….. It only gets more difficult , as you get older. At some point you will be called to face the dark. Reach out, and find help. No one is alone, and this has no face. It affects all ages, gender, race and economic levels.

  153. I know this post was from a while ago….I’m not even sure if anyone will read my response….the website was actually very helpful, considering i’ve never really indulged my deep, dark hardships…I LIVE it…I have been living it.
    And in response to your post sweetpea, I, on the other hand have been fortunate and blessed in so many ways, probably in every aspect of my life. Most ppl would always think I had it all. But truth be told, I was abused at an early age, it took me a long time to ever admit that to anyone, especially myself…I could have everything, I was brought up in a good family, never wanted for anything, am blessed with brains and beauty….but the point is, I am 35yrs old, and utterly alone, and can’t yet forgive myself nor trust any guy. I’ve never sought out therapy, but I know how it feels to just always want to escape and forget any emotions.

    • i sometimes feel the same that lifes weight is to heavy to bear i find music helps me and i find that i wish on death but death has nothing to offer me but life has nothing to offer but theres always a way to make it through i fell sorry for thepeople driven to do this but cutting isnt the way to deal with it and i dont know how its feels to be that emotionaly hurt but i know that the pain i have is mine but that doesnt mean other people can help carry the burden with you not for you theres always a ray and luckily i can always find that ray but somtimes i fear theres no way out but you can make it i do so you can your mind is the strongest thing you have its stonger that metal if you have the will thats all i have to say.

  154. I cut because I was born insecure.. call me ugly I cry.. My parents doesn’t show care to me sometimes… it.. made me feel.. “unwanted”..For all the cutters… I hope you understand

  155. It’s something else to think about. If you’re in pain you can let that consume you and you don’t have to focus on anything else that’s bothering you. It’s the strangest cycle though. You feel a bit better when you do it, awful immediately after, like why would you ever do this to yourself it’s dumb and silly and immature, but then the next day when your heart starts to race and your cuts don’t hurt as much… Then it starts over

  156. I just need some advice I know someone who self-harms and I really want to be there for them but it is so hard to form a friendship with them.
    I literally don’t know what to do but I feel so bad. I saw this and thought maybe someone can help. Thanks.

  157. I am so thankful for your compassionate heart for this person who is struggling. We have an eBook that gives even more information about self-harm – http://info.thehopeline.com/selfharm You can also chat with a HopeCoach about the situation and get ideas for how to help. Simply click the “chat now” button. Thank you for being such a caring person.

  158. Hi guys.
    My “name” for here is Navi. I am 20 years old. I have a great, supportive boyfriend, and a really good group of friends both back home and away at college. My grades are average, I’m not chronically ill. And I self harm.
    As an outsider looking in, you might wonder, why? Her life seems pretty good. And it is. Flash back 5 years. I was a sophomore in high school. My friends had abandoned me, my boyfriend was abusive, my father was verbally abusive. Then my grandmother, who I was very close to, passed away unexpectedly. That’s when the self harm started.
    Now, I’m halfway done with college. I have a boyfriend who genuinely cares about me and friends that love me. My father and I are on better terms. But still, sometimes, I cut. And while its not okay that I still do this, I know I will be okay. I’m a lot better than I used to be.
    So this is just a reminder for you all. People you may not expect to be suffering can still be suffering from past damage, no matter how amazing their lives are now. But it does get better. Never ever give in completely, it will be better. You’ll find people who love and understand you. You Are Not Alone.

  159. wow my friend cuts and she has had all the stuff above happen to her that makes sence thank u for writing this

  160. I think my reason for cutting is very strange
    I literally just like the way the cuts look. My life is really bad right now but looking at the cuts make me happy despite feeling sad and lonely most of the time. There is something about seeing something different on my body that makes me happy. It’s like having my hair dyed a stronge colour or drawing a tatto on your hand
    My scars make me happy I think of them like little pieces of art
    I just like to look at them or stroke them gently .
    Does anyone else like their scars? Or am I the only one with this weird feeling

  161. Lonelyouthere..idk if ull ever read this but ive been a cutter since i was 12 im now 44..i do have times where i can go long periods without cuttin..the longest was 4 yrs..only a few fam members knows i do this..1 happens 2 b my daughte..my recent episode was yesterday than again lastnite..ive been in a deep depression with other things goin on it seems like a never endin battle with emotions..im hopin 1 day i can b done with cuttin n i wish the same 4 u.. stay strong.. 🙂

  162. My friend cuts so do I but I don’t really have a reason I try to go clean but I just keep going right back to it what do I do?

  163. After reading your comments, I’m beginning to understand how intense your emotional pain must feel. After my cat got put down,I felt so intensely heartbroken; that i just couldn’t cope with it a second longer. Cutting was like an escape route, but then afterwards, i had to go to hospital and i got slapped on the face by my dad, because he thought I was going insane. I feel deeply for every one of your, because I know what it feels like to fall of the bottom end of your emotional scale.

  164. Reading this because I have had the fascination with harming myself the past few weeks. I have not drawn blood or done any major damage, but the urge to do it is very odd and alluring. I’m not entirely sure how to describe it. I assume it is stress, but stress comes from everything. It was rather harrowing to see that it is a symptom of deeper abnormalities…there has to be a better word than that. As much as I would love to spend an hour on introspection…I have an analytical book review to write. For anyone wondering, I am a male in college, and I have somewhat decent experience in the phenomenon from talking with my Girlfriend, and leading multiple retreats where such circumstances were depressingly common.

  165. Im a cutter and personally i cut because my ex cheated on me with one of my best friends or was one of my best friends Im unhappy because i feel like i wasn’t good enough for him or he didn’t love me as he proclaimed to of have. then i found my best friend im not going to say her name but i hope you know who you are …. im in middle school so its so hard and i get bullied because i cut myself. im in love with this guy and he knows that im in love with him but he just laughs at me and he also bullies me for cutting. i try to stay strong but im always braking inside im so unhappy with myself that i cause more pain im unhappy that i cut myself and it pills on to why i cut in the first place……i hate myself and i my friend she cuts herself and i tell her not to but then at the same time i released that i cut too then i just cry and she is always there to help and support me and im so grateful to have her in my life she is the only reason im still here today….i still cut and its getting worse but for the people who have hurt me i say forget you and thank you for opening my eyes to a world of pain i hope your happy. because im not and i never will be again.

  166. I haven’t cut for years but want to resume it because it is so close to the surface. I did it to make sure there’s no tar in me… .

  167. Cutting is harmful

  168. I cut because I feel like cutting is the only that helps me escape the fact that I’m alone and everyone hates me even my parents. This feeling sucks. When I sit around a group of friends and finds out that I’m not important and not loved and I’m hated and existence is not that important and nobody cares if I was there or no. I wake up everyday to get back to the bed again after 12 hours of eating and staring at the wall with those thoughts that you wish you never wanted to be existed in this life. Cutting is the only way that makes me forget my emotional and insider pain and makes me distracted by the pain which cutting causes, I end up crying because of the cutting pain and by this way I forget the my imotional pain, then I go to the bed and cry till I fall asleep. I wrote a lot but this is nothing.

    • Lissa, we have a really great resource for you called, “Door of Hope.” You can talk to others who understand exactly what you are going through and the struggle. Check out this recent blog about them – https://www.thehopeline.com/5-things-to-know-about-door-of-hope-help-for-self-harm
      And our HopeCoaches are here for you, too – just click the “chat now” banner on our website. Please let us help you find hope.

  169. Can a mother of a person who cuts herself join in the discussion to with this problem help her understand how to help her daughter.

  170. I would like to understand more about this addition so I can somehow help my daughter who has started to do this to her self. It is hard for me to hear that this is what she is doing to her self. I want to know if it is something that can happen to someone who was always ready to help others and now she has come to this. I thought that I did the best I could in raising her but now I am not sure that it was all good. So if anyone could answer me i would be very greatful for any input.

    • You came to the right place. You sound like a very caring and loving mother and your daughter sounds very precious. A good place to start learning more about it is to download our free eBook – http://info.thehopeline.com/selfharm Reading through it together with your daughter can open the door for honest discussion. You can also encourage your daughter to chat with one of our trained HopeCoaches. We also partner with a wonderful ministry called “Door of Hope” and here is a blog about their founder and about her heart for those struggling with cutting – https://www.thehopeline.com/5-things-to-know-about-door-of-hope-help-for-self-harm You are a great mom for wanting to learn more so you can really understand and help your daughter. I wish all parents were like you!

  171. I’m someone who has cut before and let me tell you I had used it as a copping thing for all my emotional problems. The reason why I did it was to cope with losing my friends, stress, anxiety, and never being good enough (in my book at least). I was actually going to cut just last night even because of all the stress put on me. And sense I had no one to talk to I just relied on harm that I have caused. I’ve found another copping method but my parents got rid of YouTube, my other copping method was music online, so now I only have on method I relied on even if it means I might die. I just don’t know how to deal with the 7th (almost 8th) grade life.

    • TheHopeLine® has an APP you can download for encouragement and we have HopeCoaches online 24/7 to chat with you. Please know that you are not alone and that there is help. A HopeCoach can help you connect with our partner “Door of Hope” which is for people who struggle with self-harm. CLick here to start chatting – https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp

  172. Hey whats up guys its scarce here

  173. I used to cut a while back. I stopped because I found another way to cope with my feelings through smoking. After a while of that, it wasn’t really helping anymore and onto of that I wanted to better myself for me and the people around me that cared about me so I stopped. It’s months later but everytime something goes downhill I get the urge to cut… As of now it just seems like the entire world and everything and everyone in it are completely against me Andi don’t know what to do.. I honestly just want to die.. I don’t feel like I’m wanted or belong anywhere.. Cutting just seems like the only solution. Its not a cry out for help or any of the above.. I’m tired of this And I just want out!

    • Thank you for reaching our for help with cutting and the way you are feeling. It’s important that you find help for your urges to self-harm when things go downhill for you. We have a partner that will help you with this at http://www.doorofhope4teens.org . They will help any age to overcome self-harm. Check out their website or email them at doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs) You can also text them at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST

  174. I am 61 yrs old and started cutting this year. I have done it 3 times. Each time is progressively worse. Last night I did a really good job of it. Today I decided to give up alcohol because it has been a precursor to the cutting. Each time I have felt such intense self hatred that cutting was the only distraction or ‘release’ I could turn to.

    • Sage, We have a partner that will help you with this at http://www.doorofhope4teens.org. They will help any age to overcome self-harm. Check out their website or email them at doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs) You can also text them at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST

  175. Hello everyone. I am a cutter. I have been a cutter sense I was seven and I am 45 now. Just recently I cut myself and to be honest it felt good. It’s better then trying to commit suicide.

  176. Old habit has returned, set off by Mother’s Day. I’m switching back n forth & have cut.

  177. Old habit of cutting has returned due to mother’s day a day that should not exsists. It’s going to be a long night-

    • Andrea, It’s important that you get the help you need to overcome your desire to cut. We are here to listen and help. We have a partner that will help you with the need to self-harm.
      • You can text them at at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST.
      • Their website is http://www.doorofhope4teens.org.
      • You can email them to doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs)
      Please reach out to them. They will help you.

  178. eyy guys i am bianca okay so ive been cutting for 3 years long for bulying,problems at home,adicteed to things i shoulnt be on and i got help but never helped me anyway so i stoped cutting is never worth a thing its ur death and tht person who loves u the most gets hurt yah ik u dont care but care at least for the other person who does lve u even when its ups and downs.

  179. I think it is very important to communicate this in any article, book, or discussion on cutting. Males (boys, teens, adult men) cut as well. I believe men are simply less likely to speak up about their struggle with self-harm. I deliberately hurt myself through my teen years. In my 40s, when I started dealing with my childhood sexual abuse, I went through a season of cutting.
    It is so humiliating to deal with this issue as a middle-aged man. It requires courage to be honest about such destructive behavior.
    Working with a counselor and with the support of a trusted friend, I came through that season. But even though it has been 5 or 6 years since I was an active cutter, I still miss it at times. I miss being able to see the marks and feel the pain. That reminds me that there is still real pain to be dealt with.

  180. I have never actually cut, but I have come close. I struggle with anxiety and mild to moderate depression, and I just feel like there’s no way out of my thoughts and feelings. I’ve thought of what would happen if I died. I told one friend about this and made her cry, which just makes me feel worse about myself. There’s always this anxious feeling 24/7 and a lingering unhappiness. Terribly mature and dark thoughts/emotions for a 13-year-old in 8th grade.

    • Mikayla, Thank you for reaching out to talk. You are valuable and worthy! You are dealing with depression and anxiety that sounds like it is increasing. It’s very important that you get some professional help. We have a partner that can help you with the self-harm that you can text them at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST. Their website is http://www.doorofhope4teens.org. You can email them to doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs) If you ever feel so overwhelmed you can’t go on, please call: The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 Or Chat with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ Or Crisis Text Line 27/7 by texting “Start” to 741-741 Here is a list of additional suicide prevention resources https://www.thehopeline.com/suicide-prevention-resources.
      Take a chance and reach out to Door of Hope for help. You will be glad you did. They have helped many teens and young adults we have sent them over come self-harm. Mikayla, that is a lot of information and resources to take in. Please let us know if you need anything else.

      • I appreciate the help that you so kindly offer. I have never talked to anyone about this (besides that friend, who couldn’t understand the way I needed her to) because I feel like no one in my life would understand. After I wrote that first comment I did cut, which at least partially took my mind off of my mental pain, but also upset me further that my thoughts and emotions have become such a wreck as this. After I talked to my friend about it I only felt less of a desire to tell someone who could help because of the pain I would cause others once they found out, no matter who I would talk to, be it a school counselor, my parents, or an online mental health specialist. I also feel like once others found out they would believe I was merely overexaggerating about a minor problem, but I genuinely do not know how to help myself in the best way possible. I have a question: do you guys- whatever the number of people who run The Hope Line- have personal experience with anxiety, depression, or some other mental health issue? Or do you simply take pride in contributing, to the best of your ability, to the saving of someone’s life in this manner? A bit of both?

        • Mikayla, You are welcome. We are honored that you trusted us to reach out and talk. It’s important that you continue to talk about how you are feeling, without concern about what others think. You are important and you deserve the help you need to get to a place of healing and hope. Thank you for asking about our experiences here at TheHopeLine. We do have a place on our site that people have shared their stories about anxiety and depression. Here a couple of links to the stories we share: https://www.thehopeline.com/story/anxiety/ https://www.thehopeline.com/story/depression/ Hopefully these are helpful to you.

          • HopeLine, thank you for the links. I may visit them sometime soon. I honestly am not sure whether my depression is at suicidal level, which sounds a bit strange, but I really don’t. Sometimes it feels worse than other days. Some days its just the daily anxiety, and besides that I don’t have many problems mentally. Other days I feel unwilling to do anything but lay in bed, where I begin to contemplate my life and everything wrong with it. I have anorexia, and even though I am healthily skinny I never feel like my weight is low enough. I generally do not eat breakfast or lunch, and only eat a small amount at dinnertime. This sometimes makes me feel sick or tired, though I’ve learned to live with it. My mood can quickly change drastically for no evident reason, just that random stuff triggers it. Music is truly a reason to live for me, primarily emo bands, and my favorite out of those is Twenty One Pilots. I listen to music very often.

          • Hi Mikayla, Thank you for your kind words. They mean the world to us and you mean the world to us too. We are here to listen and help you in any way we can. You mentioned you deal with anorexia and depression. It’s good that you are becoming self-aware that your mood can trigger you. We do have a partner that can help you with your eating disorder. They are called Finding Balance: https://www.thehopeline.com/partners/finding-balance/ Check them out. If you ever want to chat online with one of our HopeCoaches they are available every evening here: https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ Music is a great way to deal with the depression and anorexia too! We love Twenty One Pilots and everything they have done to help others. Mikayla, We are praying for you and know you can overcome!

  181. Hi, I wont say my name but im depressed. I get abused home, bullied for no reasons, my parents slap me or smack me with belt or other metal stuff because I get 1 low grade.. They never believe me also im scared to tell my friend because they will maybe laugh at me.. I just got abused now 30 min ago, I got smacked and kicked for like 25 mins and I was thinking about cutting but im still thinking. Or run away but I have nobody to stay at for a time, And if i do that and my parents find me or i come back they will abuse me again and again.. I was crying once in my bed and my parents walked in asking me whats going on, I was getting hope because i felt finally love.. I told them about myself and my depression.. They laughed. They said i stink, gross, dumb and hopeless.. How would you feel after hearing that from ur own parents? Dead right? Yeah, i felt that and heart broken.. They said they will replace me to a bad and racist school and im very scared because all the students there are racist and i know them and they hate me. Another thing im moslim and i wear hijab. Well I have no problem with wearing hijab im just happy being moslim. Only.. If i commit suicide, by us islam you’ll go to hell if u do that. So I cant end my life and the pain i always have inside.. Those words coming out peoples mouth hurt me.. Im very emotional i cry easy also if it was from my parents.. Hope you guys just give me some hope and read this.. You are the first people that know my story andmy abused and disgusting life, Thank you xxx W..

    • We are here and we hear you. You do not deserve to be treated this way and you are valuable. It is understandable that you are struggling with depression and hurt from the abuse you are experiencing at home. You have every right to be emotional because of the situation you are in. Ending your life is not the answer. You have taken the first step by reaching out for help. Would you chat online with one of our HopeCoaches today? They will listen and offering you hope and encouragement. Our chat lines open today at 3 pm Central time. In just 3 hours. Go to https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ to chat. We have some resources we can give you to help you with these thoughts. We have a partner that you can help you through this. We are emailing you with some information to help you so please check your email. If you need someone to talk to right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or chat online with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. You can reach the Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting “START” to 741-741 too.
      Here is a list of additional suicide prevention resources https://www.thehopeline.com/suicide-prevention-resources.

    • I feel your pain. If your friends do laugh at that then they aren’t really your friends (a true friend will support and try to help you). I know that life can be rough trust me I do but at least even If they are mean to you, you still have your parents with you my friend. I really miss mine dispite every messed up thing they ever did to me. Try listening to the song friend please by 21 pilots. A good friend of mine who knows that I’m borderline scuicidal sugested its to me its begging the listener to continue to live dispite the fact they have pretty much given up on life. This song helps me a lot and I think it might belp you too just make sure to pay attention to the lyrics. From Rhiannon

    • I’m so sorry you go though that sweetheart I wish I new you I would take you out of there and give you hope you don’t deserve to be treated that way at all!!! You are gods child he loves you and so do I 😢

    • I will be praying
      G for you. Stay strong and don’t worry about what the people that love you say. God is your father and he will watch over you.

  182. Honestly I stopped cutting for 6 years, my grandmother passed away in August and recently I found out my girlfriend of 10 years is cheating on me. It’s pushed me over the edge.i know if The only reason I stopped was because of my grandmother’s reaction when she saw all the cuts. Now she’s gone and the only person I’m close to has betrayed me and I’m back cutting again. I don’t have any friends. But cutting is a release from the real world of pain I am surrounded by and it is better than feeling numb, confused, and lost. I know it’s not a good coping mechanism but it makes me feel like I have some control of my life.

  183. I started cutting myself because the girl i like I’m madly in love with, but she went with it for a while then told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship. I feel like its my fault so i cut myself, it eased the pain of the emotional hurt I was feeling. I felt like it was my fault that she doesn’t want to be with me. The emotional pain nearly drove me insane, and it did for about an hour afterwords… please leave a suggestion, anything helpful is welcome

    • We are here to listen and help. Please know that you matter. Rejection in relationships can be overwhelming. We are proud of you for reaching out for help with cutting. We have a partner organization, Door of Hope, that specializes in Self-Harm and has recovery coaches available. Please visit http://www.thehopeline.com/partners/door-of-hope-4-teens/ for more information about them and their number to text to talk to a recovery coach. Any age can text with them for help. We also have HopeCoaches available every day from 5pm to 1am Central that you can chat online with about the emotional pain you are feeling. To chat with one of our HopeCoaches go to https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  184. I started cutting in highschool becouse I was curious and I liked it I was careful about it when I was found out I was overwhelmed I didn’t cut too deep but it wouldn’t stop bleeding I knew I had to get the nurse I lied saying I got attacked by a student we have 3 principals 1 for each floor I went to the one on the first floor it was only a matter of time he was looking through the school cameras and at some point I said I’m sorry but I lied to you he had no problem figuring it out he asked are you harming yourself I got pail and said I’m going for a walk I went downhill to the track I knew I’d be in a lot of trouble for walking away from a principal I had a coat on becouse I like the weather and pushing myself I don’t know how long I was out their but he was walking next to me saying I won’t tell your mom if you tell me what’s going on I wasn’t sure if I could trust him but I took a chance and said you promise he said I give you my word I told him why I was doing it while we went inside I had a DR pepper while I told him listening to music so I calmed down he said he was calling my mom I semi yelled I thought you weren’t gonna say anything he put his hand up I’m calling her gonna tell her your son seems a bit tired I think he needs some rest why don’t you pick him up that’s all I’ll tell her I do that you stop cutting yourself I said fine honestly it’s not worth cutting becouse once you have a scar it will never go away and being found out is the worst part

    • I started cutting when I was in elamentary school I had all the friends I hoped for then came 5th grade I got my first bf he had broken up with most of my friends but at the time I needed some comfort cause my parents had fought and screamed and hit eachother a few weeks later he told me he limed another boy I woad he should tell him I thought it would just be a I like you a littel after lunch was recess he kept asking if I was ok then near the end my class mates started asking if I heard the news then.we got to class he looked depressed he siad he wanted to break up I started to cry after school he texted me lets just be friends a few weeks later he would not even talk to me then I found out that 1 of my friends were fake I started to become depressed I would not talk to anyone I whole cut myself and all I thought is how much poeple would be happier if I would die but my friends were the ones keeping me alive I am still a littel depressed though but I had friends that helped me to the very end!!!! Moral:there are people out there who care about you so don’t cut EVER

      • Help me anything I’m going insane my friends parents are hitting and yelling at eachother and I’m starting to cut shin and I feel alone and kind of emo and I want to die plz anything help me

  185. Hopefully this helps people leave reply’s if they do

  186. Hi guys I read don’t cuts comment and I have a story simaller kind of and….my friend is the only one who understands me I give my Self one cut a day eventually there is a new student and she is a barbie girl I go to the botbroom and she starts talking and changing once I get out they start Bering beat up my parents never notice they never cared about me I got bullied everyday I gave my self two cuts a day I am alone and trapped inside my feelings no one can hear me eventually I change schools I feel relieved then I find out it is my old school I got bullied by everyone and I got home that day and my parrents are screaming the eked divorse over and over then my mom came to my room and hit me slapped me utility I got a nose bleed then she threw me on the ground and ran out the door way yelling useless piece of sh•t I go to the bathroom and time me five big cuts and fall crying and yelling why cant I just die already I need some help I need some real friend’s can you help me?

  187. Hi guys ina tell u my story about how I started cutting it all started with a 5th grade school my parents were eager to get out when it was over I went out the worng door to get my stuff from the music room then I went to find them my dad was there but my mom wasn’t we went looking for here’s found her she slapped me hard enough to give me a nose bleed then when we got home my.parents started to yell about divorce then my mom stormend in my room threw me on the ground and started to phisicly abuse me and the I began cutting my self it helped me feel something besides anger and sadness it felt happy and right to me I’m still being abused and cutting what should I do anything will help please!

    • Especaily suport from people that have simaller lives to me

  188. I don’t get life I’m always beat up I’m always abused I want to run away but I have no one to stay at so I decided to cut myself it is a way to eases the pian that I feel and it is a way for me to control going syco over the word that i hear “divorce” I have been cutting since 3rd grade I started to forget about poeple I will always go to the nurses office my parents would just yell andscream and every night I get my sicorse and do 1 cut to ease my pian that I feel ever since after 3rd grade I gave up on my self I would always wonder how much happier people I’m always called a fraek cause I suffer form sever to modarte depression and I promissed my self no more friends cause they would always turn on me. Anyway that’s it if you guys have any things that could be nice I would like that.thank j for reading hope line can you help as well please

  189. In 4th grade my parents divorced, I was not really phased by it. My parents would always fight. But in 6th grade it really caught on, and other stress, anger and sadness. I made a post on Snapchat that said I feel like s***, want to die, I have depression and anxiety. So my sister showed my parents and, so they knew. So my dad knows, but he still will put some of his stress on me or say that I’m supposed to be sleeping in, not taking You to school, so him saying that makes me feel bad, and that I’m making him feel like that, and he knows. So one day it was too much, and I started cutting myself without thinking. I liked the pain after it was done. So I’ve continued to do so, and I do know it’s bad. It just helps me. I’ve told my friend, so I could at least let out some of my emotions, and if I haven’t, I would not still be alive.
    But I cut myself to relive my pain, but I always say that I’m stuck in a void and want to get out, and get help. Please, help me. Yet I pretend to be happy.
    Sorry it’s long

    • Katie, First of all, we want you to know that you are not alone. We are here to listen. If you ever want to chat online one of our HopeCoaches would love to chat with you at https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ It’s important that you talk to a medical professional about our depression and anxiety. Cutting yourself is a coping mechanism due to the stress, anger and sadness you are experiencing from your parent’s divorce. Please know you are valuable and worthy! We are proud of you for reaching out for help with cutting. We have a partner organization, Door of Hope, that specializes in Self-Harm and has recovery coaches available. You can text with them for help. Please visit https://www.thehopeline.com/partners/door-of-hope-4-teens/ for more information about them and their number to text to talk to a recovery coach. Katie, Never ever feel bad for asking for help. We care and want the best for you.

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